Sunday, January 15, 2017

Thunder!

1. I love a wonderful thunderstorm. Thankful for some tonight.

2. Made all of my lovely children go to choir. One has not wanted to go and after a good talk discovered why and hopefully empowered him to see things differently and to be a good friend. Love that kid. Another one had to practically be dragged by the hair to go because of continued stomach woes. I feel I have a better handle after this weekend on when to push and when not to. Choir was a necessary shove. That girl needed some victory so we are not completely back at square one. I realize as adolescence is rapidly approaching anxiety woes can either begin to dissipate or actually get worse. If they take a turn for the worse we are going to get help. I know another Momma with a gal older that has struggled with similar fear and anxiety. Seeing a professional made a world of difference when things began to get more unmanageable. There is no shame in getting help when needed and I believe it's much wiser than going down in a blaze of glory or rather a blaze of destruction.

3. Feel much better about my inability to string enough thoughts together to put together a meal plan, grocery list or various other things that need to get done that take a brain. Its so incredibly loud in our house and I'm constantly pulled in several different directions at once. I did once hear a speaker say that when you find a silent moment don't do the dishes or whatever housework is needed put pen to paper and seize the silent moments. That makes tons of sense to me today. My shrunken brain can't push past the chaos right now to have any decent stream of consciousness. It's all good. I'll teach my children how to do it. I can be a delegating fool. Time to put that skill to good use at home.

4. Excited to catch up with my hubs. Feels like I haven't talked to him in months.

D

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Saturday, January 14, 2017

We Have The Funk

Well sometimes things just don't pan out the way you hope for them to. Stomach funk has put a damper on things. Not the ten year old trip I had envisioned but at least we are making full use of our hotel room. Understanding my girl's struggle with anxiety a bit more. I HATE that she has to and will have to struggle with anxiety. Thankfully after tears from both of us tonight I'm starting to understand when I should push and when I should just sit in it with her. I can't hate the anxiety so much that I try to change my girl.

I am once again stuck scratching my head. Verses such as do not be anxious about anything go through my head but quoting those don't touch true anxiety. I do wonder what the actual translation of anxious was in Greek or Hebrew. For someone like me I can pray and ask God and remember His promises and find solace. The stress, fear or anxiety may dissipate enough to push through and move forward. BUT for others who intimately know the struggle with anxiety it goes much deeper. It's not that scripture and the Lord is not powerful enough to overcome it's just that for whatever reason it's the struggle that is an Achilles Heel. I'm thankful to God for friends who have battled with anxiety and being able to hear their heart and their ongoing struggle. They trust in the Lord and yet like Paul's thorn in his side the Lord has chosen not to remove the anxiety. Verses thrown at them in their youth only compounded the issues and made them question why God wouldn't just take it away or made them wonder if they lacked faith. Lots to think on. In all of it grace, grace, grace. Thankful for beautiful wonderful grace.

Thankful for grace even as I loathe my humanity as a parent. I want to parent like my Father but I'm so incredibly horribly far from it. Hate how I fail at it and that I have to fail in order to have eyes that see. Grace even in the failure. He's written their stories already and mapped out their days despite my failures and my successes as a parent. Thankful to be on this joyous and painful journey and so thankful for my hubs who is in the trenches with me. I am so incredibly rich.

D

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Friday, January 13, 2017

Slow Down

Ten year old trip with my almost eleven year old. Got choked up today as we got her hair trimmed. Probably the last time I'll take her to the place I did simply because she won't want to go anymore. As I watched her it seemed like just yesterday we were taking her to get her first haircut. If only I had the long view everyday. Most often I'm way too myopic. I get lost in the exhaustion, the too many things needing attention but not enough time. Oh to truly sit back and embrace the time. It goes by so quickly.

Need to read but don't want to miss a moment with my girl.

Thursday, January 12, 2017

Wednesday, January 11, 2017

Hey Jealousy!

1. Oh dear ole Gin Blossoms. 

2. Jealous of the Portland snow. Happy for the snow joy but want some of my own. I love a good snow. I love watching it fall. I love how it smells. I love how a snowy sky looks. I love how it turns things magical. I love how things sound when covered by a thick blanket of snow. I love the sound of snow crunching under my feet. Maybe we can still pull out a crazy snow here in Texas. Not holding my breath considering how mosquitos are still the size of small dogs here and it's January and our AC is on. Ho hum!

3. More time airing out children today. My minions grated on me as they whined about this or that. I forget they are kids and that I do the same exact thing just about different things. Most of us are spoiled brats, correct that, I am a spoiled brat, when things don't go smashingly and with ease. Definite apple tree syndrome going on around here. If only I was willing to extent my offspring the same grace that I want. 

4. Speaking of apple tree syndrome the Crazy that goes down in Isaac's family and extends into Rebecca's brothers side is good enough for Prime Time television. This is my favorite verse from tonight.

"So that evening, as Jacob was coming home from the fields, Leah went out to meet him. "You must come and sleep with me tonight!" she said. "I have paid for you with some mandrakes that my son found." So that night he slept with Leah."
‭‭Genesis‬ ‭30:16‬ ‭NLT‬‬

It really didn't take long for the whole marriage and sex thing to get really wackado. Big shocker it continues to be totally jacked. The whole  maid servant being given to the hubs for the purpose of being a baby maker for the wife makes me a bit queasy.  How sad for all three involved, although it seems the hubs gets the less obvious short end of the stick. Bleck!

5. Need to bathe in some holy water to undo the effects of the horrible juniper tree. There is absolutely nowhere to run and hide from this abominable tree in the US. Looks like it's going to be a lifetime of GF, DF and SF. I will do me well in the long run but definitely not fun. I'd like to think the chocolate cake in heaven will be stellar but let's be real I won't give a damn about chocolate cake in heaven. 

D


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