Wednesday, April 18, 2018

Operation Eight

1. Park party for a really sweet eight year old complete. It only took five months.

2. Thankful for time getting caught up with two friends I hardly ever see.

3. Oh Dallergies!

4. Well I reckon I never finished this last night.

1. This throat/mouth thing is DRIVING ME BONKERS!!! It packed its bags and moved again and is causing all sorts of pain again. I don't know if it's even possible but it feels like my tongue is cramping from it as well which is extra fun. What the heck!

2. If I can make it to Saturday I'll be a happy lady. Feels like too many too dos but not enough days.

3. Almost completely forgot a dentist appointment for Bitty today. She wanted me to come with her which wasn't exactly planned either but I got to read just for the joy of reading. It was glorious. That Jane Austen is pretty amazing.

4. If Cally doesn't let me sleep much again tonight tomorrow may be extra nutty.

5. Galatians 5. Love this chapter.

"It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery."
‭‭Galatians‬ ‭5:1‬ ‭NIV‬‬

6. So thankful for our two beautiful swallowtail caterpillars. Pretty sure I'm more mesmerized by them than my kids. They are amazing though.


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Monday, April 16, 2018

Cinderella Dressed In Yella

1. Who knew how much family fun and chaos could be had by a jump rope? Getting two was brilliant too! Littles can play snake while the bigs try to conquer jumping in. Good times! Maybe I'll loose my bingo arms this summer by turning a jump rope.

2. Heart heavy for a dear friend who has had one heck of a season. It's one wave after another. Praying the Lord would sustain her.

3. I really need to put on my BGP's and make a dentist appt before it's an actual dental emergency. I just know to do all the things I probably need to do we could buy a new van for the cost or at least that is my fear. I know how much Bittys teeth are about to cost. Regardless a gals gotta have teeth.

4. Crunching on a podcast sent by a friend. It was with Tullian Tchividijian. I heard him speak at a conference and really loved what he spoke on. Then he got busted having an affair and instead of owning it he turned the tables on his wife. So not a big fan but I really liked the podcast and what he had to say. I could even resonate with a loss of identity that he talked about. In fact, I resonated with a lot of what he had to say. Really chewing on it because I don't necessarily like him but the paradox of that is in the message he proclaims. Really chewing on the tension. Really chewing on this regarding some churches "they are fine teaching about brokenness until you do something that broken people do."

5. So thankful for Bigs therapist. Compassionate and empathetic and yet pushes appropriately. Really like her.

6. Good talk with one of my kiddos today. He got to explain why he totally shuts down sometimes. It's total flight or fight. To us he flights but I've definitely seen the fight response as well. Thankful that although I'm tempted to feel rage and bitterness about this I can choose forgiveness and trust that the Lord knows my boy and his wounds. Ugh to trauma!

7. And lastly my big boy is making a hard decision. We have encouraged him to stay in fifth grade so he can have another year to mature and ultimately give him an upper hand in confidence and leadership. I think he knows at a gut level that this is a good choice but it's hard. The age of making choices that are wise or right but hard.

8. "Let us then approach God's throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need."
‭‭Hebrews‬ ‭4:16‬ ‭NIV‬‬

Grace. Undeserved grace. So much tension jumping into that grace with whole hearted abandon.


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Sunday, April 15, 2018

Back At It

1. Watching a nature show and reminded of this tree we saw in Costa Rica. It has spikes covering the trunk. It didn't do anything to benefit the tree but rather it created a safe haven, a shelter, for the inhabitants that lived in the tree tops. That image has popped into my head the past several weeks. Nature is definitely one of the big ways I connect with God. Creation screams of a Creator. We have a couple swallowtail caterpillars and I can't stop watching them. Just the way they are intricately put together blows me away but then to take into account the metamorphosis that happens. It's amazing. We had a couple painted ladies but unfortunately there has been issues. One butterfly emerged but was missing an antennae and died. We watched in wonder as one was about to emerge from its chrysalis but fell down during the process which caused its demise. How it all must work perfectly. Awe and wonder.

2. We needed a head shot for Mudgey so while my hubs was taking one of him the girls jumped in and got a few of there's as well. My hubs is pretty darn talented!

3. It was been a HUGE struggle to get one of my kiddos to work on reading. Honestly, I don't care if he waits till fourteen to read. In the long run it simply doesn't matter. But I saw his self esteem tanking over it so we're trying to assist in all the ways we know how. We are trying to cover all the bases that we can. But this boy fights me at every single turn. It can be so dang discouraging. But today after more struggle I think maybe we can get back to it. Hoping gummy bears will be the currency needed to do SOMETHING to motivate this boy. God give me eyes to see the solutions to this enigma of a boy. He's beautiful and lovely and his mind is amazing. Help us to help him unlock all that he was created to be. May I not grow weary in being his advocate, his encourager and his teammate.

4. Today in the the "my kids are driving me crazy" devo the topic was being rooted in the Word. I have struggled with this the past couple years. I really think this has at least something to do with spiritual abuse and seeing scripture twisted in grotesque ways to control and manipulate. Sometimes it's not twisted for personal gain but rather to support an idea that it was never meant to support.

I've always loved this verse.

"For the word of God is alive and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart."
‭‭Hebrews‬ ‭4:12‬ ‭NIV‬

I believe wholeheartedly that the word of God is living and active. I LOVE this about scripture. I do have to just be honest about the gag factor right now. I really hate this, so very much. Maybe I need to just go back to something more simplistic and just listen, have it read over me and take in the big broad picture once again.

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Saturday, April 14, 2018

Easy Like Sunday Morning

1. I wish.

2. Having the funk kept Senorita Destructo at bay today. Whatever viral beast we have it definitely is meanest at night. Motrin is making a killing off our family right now.

3. I had high hopes of being a B.A. and completing another Whole 30. I had all the best intentions in the world but then this week happened and so cake happened at family night. I don't care what anybody may say, Costco cake is pretty outstanding. I've been paying for the gluten invasion today though. How jacked up is our food supply that I can't eat birthday cake without my guts being angry the next day. My theory is that it's not the actual wheat but the awful round up and/or how it's processed. Nobody has gluten sensitivity like we do in America. It's only a matter of time before everyone single one of us starts reacting to it. So obnoxious! I just want to eat cake dang it!

4. Bigs woke up feeling awful. You pay the price when you push it. Thankful she ended up perking up a bit but tonight she got an earache from hell. She was in so much pain she was cursing the day she was born. I had another kiddo who is tough as nails cry over an earache with this same evil. Have I mentioned how incredibly obnoxious this virus is!? It's awful and I STILL have a sore throat.

5. Making sure to plan time to get away from my people while my hubs is in town. I love these little urchins but I am desperate for some time to think one thought without being interrupted.

6. There are a lot of kids in my room. I do love the sounds of them sleeping. It's a beautiful symphony to me. These two little boys snuggled up next to each other is so sweet. They could not be more different. My little ying and yang.

7. Well traded One symphony for another kind. The I'm in so much pain I wish I was dead ear pain strikes again! Poor Bitty. Now I'm hating that she's sick. Poor little thing. Cally didn't approve of being away from his paci so he had a scream off with her. Although their screaming and nashing of teeth woke up a friend all the way in McKinney none of the other twenty kids sleeping in my room woke up. It's an ear infection miracle!

8. Gonna Read Overwhelmed by my blessing and hopefully sleep? I don't know.

Good word for today.
"See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive fit? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland."
‭‭Isaiah‬ ‭43:19‬ ‭NIV‬‬

Well the ear infection parade carried on last night and I never sent this. Details!

Mudgey joined the ear pain parade tonight. So fun! AND I think the viral mystery is solved! Herpangina! My awesome friend Kelly Poppins solved the mystery. It explains the headaches, fatigue, pink eye and abdominal pain. The blister pictures totally matched my girl! It doesn't quite explain the crazy ear pain but I'm sure if it can cause all the other crazy ear infection certainly can be one as well. Feels good to have that case closed! Coxsackie virus is a bunghole!

Despite the lack of sleep this morning was magical. It didn't start off that way. My sweet kiddo who is hard to get moving fought me hard this morning. Combination ADHD is a jerk. Getting this kid up to do just about anything can be the biggest struggle some days. This week has been a hard one. An extra day of reading class was gonna do him in or maybe me. The coaxing and prodding to get him to get ready. Goodness it is a workout in and of itself. But he did it! And on a side note he was reading solo tonight. Anytime he does this it's a victory. This kid loves books and his entire life he has poured over books for hours everyday. But for him to try to read them is always HUGE!

The combination of good music, bacon frying, coffee, kids playing chess and knowing my hubs would walk thru the door in the morning made for great magic. It was one of those moments that you wish you could hold onto forever. Honestly, most of those moments for me come doing the normal things or things that aren't super extravagant. You can't plan for them, they just happen and when it does all is right with the world. I made two discoveries leading up to this moment that helped as well. Weight lifting moments.

I've been struggling with jealousy the past couple days. Pictures from my hubs and friends that normally would make me feel joy for them has made me feel green instead. I HATE feeling this way and it often invoked shame which just makes it all worse. This morning I realized two things:
1. I need to admit that my hubs traveling all the time is hard. I don't know why this is difficult for me to admit. I'm sure part of it has to do with the fact that this is the season we are in right now. It doesn't feel like forever but I feel peace about it being what it's supposed to be right now. But it is hard. Some trips are harder than others. I have noticed that when people say "that must be hard" I tend to bat that idea away. But the truth is, it is hard. It's freaking hard! It's not all hard but it's mostly hard. But it's also okay. It's okay for things to be hard. I'm almost forty and I'm still grasping this lesson. Yes, having eight children is hard. It's sometimes a beating but I wouldn't change it. The hard is worth it.

2. I have pinpointed feeling forgotten by the Lord. I think this is the thing that helps fuel the jealousy. It leads to feeling like I will never measure up to others and I'm subpar and therefore forgotten. Abuse has helped fuel this but I think the deeper parts the Lord has wanted me to see is that abandonment and passive neglect leads to that too. My biological dad never fought for me nor cared enough to pursue a relationship and my stepdad was a variety pack of abuse and told me how I didn't compare to his kids. So yeah it all makes sense. The struggle doesn't fall away overnight but knowing is half the battle. I don't have to live under the banner of not good enough, forgotten and abandoned.


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Thursday, April 12, 2018

Can’t Keep Them Open

1. It has been an booty whip of a week and I am wore out. I started off wore out and it's not gotten much better. But thankfully it's almost over. I'm never thankful when my kiddos are sick but after the crazy the littles have reeked this week I'm a bit thankful the ring leader is sick. I dosed her properly so she could hang at family night but that ain't happening tomorrow. She took an actual nap today which is kinda like watching pigs fly. We'll see.

2. I thought yesterday was crazy but I thought wrong. A corn starch explosion instigated by the above was a cake walk compared to today. The day started off with the little instigator coloring her face and her baby brothers faces in marker. I'm a bit sad now that I didn't snap a picture. Brownies love body art and this is nothing new to our household. It's just that I used to get washable markers and we didn't have family nights to get to. She kinda looked like a sunburned oompah lumpah all day. Then there was the dry erase marker art all over our room, walls and doors you name it. This happened while trying to help throw a kitchen sink at my Bigs voice so she could sing tonight. The girl could hardly talk in the morning.

After trying school on for size for the girl on the couch and three obstinate boys I discovered a cute toddler splashing around in the water that was pouring out of our bathroom into the hallway. All the towels weren't enough to handle this one. So I was really grumpy and snippy and then proceeded to cut out carpet pad out of one of the rooms that got the brunt of the water. The carpet probably needs to go and if I could have found a crowbar to pop up tack strips I would have just pulled all of it out. The thing about children or rather my children is to find the most dangerous thing to do in a room and then do it. So stomping on tack strips would be one of those things.

Just to add to the excitement my youngest big boy ran right into a big wooden dowel. Nothing like a little blunt force trauma to the eye when you are trying to get out the door. So thankful it was okay. A little bit lower and family night might not have happened.

3. The girl. I didn't think the girl was going to be able to do her thing tonight. We did all the things. Steam, honey with lemon, throat coat tea, hot shot, homeopathy pills, Motrin and finally something must have worked well enough and the girl sang. And a sweet boy took a baby out so I could see her. I gripe at those kids but they are really good kids. They drive me crazy but they are really good boys. So the girl with blisters in her throat did it and I'm thankful for all the friends who prayed.

4. Saw a sweet precious girl have amazing courage tonight. Such an honor to witness!

5. Saw a friend on the FB doing the Overwhelmed By My Blessings devo and the timing well it was perfect.

""Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you'll recover your life. I'll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won't lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you'll learn to live freely and lightly.""
‭‭Matthew‬ ‭11:28-30‬ ‭MSG‬‬

Perfect timing.


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