Friday, August 26, 2016

Hello, Hello (Hola!). I'm At A Place Called Vertigo.

Saw a friend at the Arbo the other day and we got to chatting about vertigo. Her dr thinks some of her health funk is due to vertigo. I think I've got a pretty decent case going on right now. My ear is jacked again because I'm out of allergy meds. Dizzy and nauseous. Good times.

I need to go to bed before I gobble someone up. 

Matthew 11 on repeat. Loved this from commentary. 

Jesus directed His call to those who were burdened. He called those who sensed they must come to Him to relieve their need instead of living in self-sufficiency.

I really can't help but continue to think that the more I realize what a mess I truly am, the better it is for me. I have had enough years striving to not be a mess. What a waste of time and energy! So much better to just fully embrace the mess 100% and rejoice in the work only the Lord can do. So thankful for grace, love and mercy. Thankful for God's sweet provision for our family today and constant reminders that He cares.


Sent from my iPhone

Thursday, August 25, 2016

🎶 I'm The Grump Grumpiest Troll Of Them All 🎶

1. Thankful my hubs is back home safe and sound. Wish he didn't have to come home to the grumpiest troll around.

2. I was done days ago but not necessarily because my kids have been hard. Getting them to get on the family's plan and off their own is no cake walk but they can be helpful. The smallest Brown's have tag teamed the heck out of me at night and I'm not functioning due to sheer exhaustion. Going on a work trip and having a bed entirely to myself sounds absolutely glorious. Well, at least a bed completely to myself does.

3. During the peaks of my trollishness I couldn't help but wonder what is worse, bring well rested and able to be "good" on my own or a grumpy troll crying out to the Lord. I know which one feels better but I do wonder if the latter is better for my soul.

Matthew 11:
I love these verses.
""Come to me, all of you who are struggling and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, because I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.""
‭‭Mattityahu (Mat)‬ ‭11:28-30‬ ‭CJB‬‬


Sent from my iPhone

Wednesday, August 24, 2016

Step One: We Admitted That We Are Powerless

So much dwelling on so much these days. Really feel discombobulated but in a good way. Really and truly everyday I feel like I sit back and realize I don't know jack about jack. Oh the things I would have confidently stood on a couple years ago I now simply scratch my head and realize I didn't know what I thought I knew. It's a good place, confusing and disorienting at times but often leaves me open handed and definitely seeking the Lord more. After all, who better to seek out when trying to figure out this Christian Life than the Lord Himself. I'm sure I'm making no sense whatsoever but I'm wrestling with trying to put handles on things. I do think I've landed on at least one place and it's Step One.

We admitted we were powerless over our addiction - that our lives had become unmanageable.

I managed to leave behind Step One somehow. If I could do more or try harder or even do none of those things but have what looks like acceptable behavior on the outside that "I" could more on to bigger and grander things. I could move past admitting that I was powerless.

What is it in my sinful nature that has such a difficult time accepting that I am powerless? Really THIS is what we all need to embrace whole heartedly. Each and everyone of us is truly powerless to the plans the Lord has for our lives. We are powerless to grow and to change. I mean real growth and change of the heart, mind and soul not just behavior modification. Changed behavior does not always equal a changed heart. Good behavior does not equal a righteous spirit. The parable of the two sons popped into my head. One son gave lip service to his Pop's and said the right things and probably did the "right things" but in the end didn't do what his father asked. The other son was probably the difficult stubborn mouthy son who was on his own plan and balked and complained. He refused with his mouth but in the end his action revealed the true character of his heart. I've heard too many times lately about judging a person by "their fruit" but how would the fruit of the above been judged? I'm left with confusion and doubt on my own as I wrestle with it all. I'm forced to look at my own life. I thought I had come to a place where I had "pulled myself together". I didn't think I lacked more work but I was on the up and to the right trajectory. But in this season all I can see is a sinful mess who is absolutely powerless. Rather than feel guilty or shame about my state or my condition I feel grateful to the King of Kings and the Lord of Lords. I am His and He is mine. There is freedom in knowing I am utterly and completely powerless whether or not I choose to walk with Christ. Not one of my choices here on earth will alter God's plan for my life or the lives of my children or those around me. Before the world was even formed the story was already written. When fully grasping that I can rest easy, I can cease striving, and I can walk in the Freedom His blood purchased for me. Apart from Christ I got nothing. 

Matthew 10:
So much here but resting in this tonight.

"But when they bring you to trial, do not worry about what to say or how to say it; when the time comes, you will be given what you should say. For it will not be just you speaking, but the Spirit of your heavenly Father speaking through you."
‭‭Mattityahu (Mat)‬ ‭10:19-20‬ ‭CJB‬‬

Powerless indeed is a beautiful place to be. 


Sent from my iPhone

Tuesday, August 23, 2016

Ready For Fall

This summer hasn't been the worst but I'm still so ready for fall. I wish we got a real fall here.

Good day. Lots of outdoor time with friends in the heat and dinner with a friend who recently moved back from CO. I smell like Stinky Arbuckle so it must have been a lovely day. Got crankers as a nice headache set in late afternoon. It's still hanging on for dear life.

Psalms & then zzzzzzzzz


Sent from my iPhone

Monday, August 22, 2016

I Can Handle 40 Percent Right?

Good conversation today about the difficulties of parenting and extending ourselves grace. Little did I know the target on the wall is awesome parenting at least 40 percent of the time. I'm sure some days I can't even pull that off but surely I can bat at least 40 percent? The percentage isn't the goal actually. Jesus is the goal. Reliance upon the Lord and trusting in His Sovereignty. 

I needed this parental pep talk after reading a really good article on how to raise emotionally sound children. One of the seven "to do's" was to teach them how to engage in conversation by modeling it. When your kid tells you something you should stop what you are doing and turn to them and ask them about whatever they want to talk about. I feel like I'm the best at this with my biggest kiddo but even with her there's only so much conversational attention I can give. In typing that I can't help but think how jacked up that sounds. I usually can't listen to all their kid chatter because...
1. I have seven children I might go ape if I listen to every story. It's horrible and I may be the worst parent on the planet but there's only so much Lego and Star Wars talk one mother can take.

2. If I'm to get anything done and I mean anything sometimes I need them to go talk to someone else so I can have one complete though or load the darn dishwasher. I do feel convicted that I have put tasks over my kids which makes me want to cringe. I don't stay home so I can load the dishwasher 3 times a day. But the dishwasher does need to be loaded along with one thousand other things like putting babies to bed or dealing with the toddler who wore panties and pooped. I'm
Not a very balanced person so more balance in this department would be good.

3. Busyness keeps me from looking into my minions eyes as they tell me their knock knock joke for the eighty ninth time. Whose counting though? Busyness is what I can continue to try to root out. Really with a small three ring circus just a little bit of activity can be a lot. We must choose what goes on the calendar wisely. 

So I need to stop and listen to my offspring more. They are crazy but they have a lot of wonderful things to say. This season will pass quickly. One day I'll hear my last horrible kid joke that makes no sense. One day there will be no more talk about Legos. One day I'll hear my last poop joke or maybe not. 

Matthew 9:
Considering this verse. 

"Some people brought him a paralyzed man lying on a mattress. When Yeshua saw their trust, he said to the paralyzed man, "Courage, son! Your sins are forgiven.""
‭‭Mattityahu (Mat)‬ ‭9:2‬ ‭CJB‬‬

I keep thinking what good is it if the man walks if his sins are not forgiven? Recognition of the forgiveness of the man's sun comes first then healing. How often do I seek out "healing" before I seek out just being with the Lord? Ouch.


Sent from my iPhone