Wednesday, February 22, 2017


I tried knocking this out in the AM but was interrupted by one of my sweet ones. Now of course my brain doesn't want to work. I'm ready for my heaven brain.

Thankful for how much the Lord loves despite of having absolutely nothing to offer.

""The LORD did not set his heart on you and choose you because you were more numerous than other nations, for you were the smallest of all nations! Rather, it was simply that the LORD loves you, and he was keeping the oath he had sworn to your ancestors. That is why the LORD rescued you with such a strong hand from your slavery and from the oppressive hand of Pharaoh, king of Egypt."
‭‭Deuteronomy‬ ‭7:7-8‬ ‭NLT‬‬

Meditating on what it means to be chosen by the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth.


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Tuesday, February 21, 2017

What The Ash!?

1. My great pollen obsession is continuing. I'm going to figure out what my main triggers are and I'm going to go on a Quest to burn every single one of those trees down. A new player has entered the scene the last couple days and I feel like what was already horrible has now become atrocious. I'm hoping for two possibilities for the added insanity. I'm hoping the gluten added this weekend is the culprit or that I have a cold. Strange things to hope for but at least there is a remedy. A cold can only last for so long and I already cut out gluten again. If this is real life then my options are truly running out apart from getting back on allergy shots OR moving to someplace far far away. Being one of the first settlers on the Moon or Mars is looking better and better.

2. Our family schedule has been quite the emotional roller coaster lately. Trips on the schedule then off of the schedule then new ones last minute. Thankful for friends letting me ramble, vent, process and brainstorm with. I feel like my brain is full of ten thousand squirrels. My midwife was here today and my seven real squirrels were be bopping in such a way that I couldn't get one straight thought out. They were extra special today just like me.

3. I'm so zonked.

4. Going to read and/or listen tonight and then pass out and drool on my pillow hopefully till at least 8am. Hopefully, Mr. Peepers will cooperate.


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Monday, February 20, 2017

Burrito of Grace

I don't want to do this today. I don't want to process or ponder or anything. I want to hang up my hat as a feeler for today, shove it all in a box and not try to figure out anything. I want to roll myself up into a burrito full of grace. Thankfully, the pollen love is filling up every empty cavity in my head so I don't much have the energy to think. Mmmmmm I love my burrito full of grace.

Deut 1-4:
Love how many times God reminds the Israelites how He will fight for them. The word picture of God carrying Israel through the wilderness as a father carries a son is beautiful. Despite Israel's rebelliousness He still continues to provide for their every need and follows through on His promise to give them the Promise Land. His love for His people truly is amazing.


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Sunday, February 19, 2017

All Is As It Should Be

1. Thankful again for sweet friends willing to take on our entire crew this weekend.

2. Thankful for all the noise to fill up our house once again. All is as it should be and I'm thankful for all seven of my noise makers.

3. Got up at 4am and fought hard to try to grab another hour or two of sleep. So not prepared for coop tomorrow but I'll worry about that tomorrow. Too tired to think or move.

4. I've officially hit critical mass. So uncomfortable. Hoping I gained five pounds of swelling this weekend by eating gluten and I'll loose some of the discomfort after detoxing again. I wish gluten wasn't so delicious. Really though I could have passed on all of it except the chicken and waffles. That was worth every ounce of discomfort!

5. Read the rest of Numbers this morning but of course I've totally forgotten what I read. I think it was about sanctuary cities and dividing up the land.

6. Read really hard articles about the porn epidemic. My heart hurts for the kids who will be wrecked by porn. Praying we can teach our kids how great the good gifts that God offer are and help them see the things in this world that are counterfeit.

Also read about Anna Nicole Smith's story. I'll be honest her reality show used to be a guilty watching pleasure of mine. It was less of a pleasure and more of a train wreck that I couldn't take my eyes off of. Reading about her childhood made all the pieces fit. That poor woman. She thought she was saving her son from the chaos she had endured as a child but rather just continued to live out her own personal hell. There's lots of Anna's out there who desperately need to hear the gospel and need to be loved. Heart so heavy over the hurt and suffering in this world.


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Unexpected Gratitude

We were super blessed to have friends watch all seven of our kiddos this weekend. The past 24 hours or so have not transpired in such a way that I would have planned and yet I feel filled to the brim with unexpected gratitude.

1. It has become very apparent that if given a night away from kiddos at this stage of life it is wise to get away from our house as well. It's borderline creepy to be home with so much silence since every silent space in this home is often filled with noise that comes seeping in on way or another. This house that is usually brimming with life is empty. Oddly enough it feels almost similar enough to after having a baby. There is a joy of new life birthed out of the womb but it takes awhile to get used to the emptiness of life no longer being housed in my body. None of this may make any sense but in my head it does. Plus being at home is kinda like taking a vacation and staying at the office. The to do lists almost scream at me more without the distraction of kiddos.

2. Even though a location will be in the back of my mind for the future I'm thankful this weekend we are at home. Dallergies are wrecking us a bit and an unexpected ankle injury has changed up the way we would have spent our remaining time together. Thankful to not be a brat right now shaming my fist at God about horrible timing. It's only by His wonderful grace that I'm not. It's only by His mercy that I can see how incredibly blessed I am. Friends that will take on seven kids and lack of sleep because of them. The blessing of those seven kids. Sometimes it takes being removed from the blessing to fully see how much you have been blessed with. Even though the birds haven't been chirping and things haven't smoothly fell into place this weekend with my best beloved I'm so thankful to be married to my best friend. Thankful for all the adventures we get to be on together the good ones, the bad ones and all the shades in between. Thankful for the laughter we get to share together and frankly I'm thankful for the pain and the tears we get to shed together as well.

3. There's this sweet story on 50 Famous Stories Retold about Cornelia's Jewels. You find out at the end of it that her wealthy jewels are actually her children. I've eaten great food this weekend. I've been wanting chicken and waffles and I got them and they were every bit as wonderful as I had been dreaming about. After eating out for brunch and dinner I left really ready to leave the perks of city life and exchange it for something a lot simpler. So much pain and hurt covered up behind fancy clothes and cars and wonderful food. Still having a hard time getting pasted the feeling of emptiness and death. I saw a young girl who looked like her childhood innocence was stolen and replaced by something so plastic.

Any kind of longing that I might have to be on the other side was completely crushed out of me. I'll take our small destroyed house filled to the brim with our wonderful circus any day over that. All of it will burn someday. Every single bit of it will be gone except for the things that we have invested in eternally. Everything in this world screams for things that are temporal. Seriously everything is one big huge temporal distraction. It is hard to keep eyes fixed on what is real verses what is just one big huge lie or distraction. This phone in my hand represents one of the biggest distractions around. It offers a false sense of connectedness, the tyranny of the "urgent" is always pressing and offers no true rest, it steals precious time away from the people right in front of our faces, it's rewiring our brains and the damage it's doing to our children's still developing minds might not be fully understood until its way too late. We are literally holding the bitten apple in our hands.

4. So 24 hrs sans kids might have been interrupted by Dallergies and sadly physical pain for my beloved that threw off "the plan" but I'm walking away with a very full heart and maybe a heart more prepared to dive into the rest of lent. There's lot of busy that will surround Lent getting to dos scratched off and preparations being made for new life. We could be as little as five weeks out from sweet Frying Pan. That is quite sobering actually. Walking away from this weekend with a belly full of good food and a heart full of immense gratitude. Praying the Lord would teach us and give us eyes to see what is of Him and what is yet another big distraction. There's so many counterfeit things in our decadent culture.

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Friday, February 17, 2017

Full As A Tick

1. Wondering if I'm anemic. Super exhausted 24/7 and insanely out of breath and yeah just feeling very off when not sitting down. Would make me feel better if I was if only to explain my extra specialness.

2. Thankful to be able to rejoice over great news from friends in a hard season. God is so very gracious even in the deep and dark valleys.

3. Thankful for a date tonight and for the blessing of 24hrs sans kids tomorrow.

4. Thankful for the sweet blessing of friends of rejoice with and cry with. Thankful to break bread with some of my favorite people tonight.

5. Got lost in the details of Numbers tonight. Reminded tonight of not taking God's holiness lightly.


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