Friday, August 18, 2017

Not My Matthew!

1. I'm glad to report that I did not wail during Matthew Cuthbert's death tonight. He wasn't my Matthew. I still can't believe how much that messed me up.

2. I don't know what to even think about my oldest. I've watched an occasional rehearsal and we've run lines together at home. She gets on stage and bam she gets an edge. Is there nothing that girl can't do? I'm pretty sure she's the most adorable Anne that there ever was.

3. Proud of my minions and so fun to watch them love doing their thing. I don't know what to do with all of it but it's fun none the less. Thankful for RPL and for discovering some of their talents that we otherwise wouldn't have discovered.

4. My Lukey Boy. My heart soared for him tonight. All my kids did great but I praise God for a win for him. I can't believe I've been blessed with all of these sweet ones. So unique and special in their own ways. I am rich indeed.

5. Hormones indeed off. Thankfully not nearly as weepy today although still very heavy hearted today for dear ones.

6. This is so relevant these days:

"Don't repay evil for evil. Don't retaliate with insults when people insult you. Instead, pay them back with a blessing. That is what God has called you to do, and he will grant you his blessing."
‭‭1 Peter‬ ‭3:9‬ ‭NLT‬‬


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Wednesday, August 16, 2017

Loss Of Words

I am so broken hearted for a loved one tonight. Grief and pain can be so incredibly lonely and yet the times when the Lord feels so incredibly close. Jesus hold my precious friend. Provide for her moment by moment. May she tangibly feel your presence and your faithful loving kindness.

"For God is pleased when, conscious of his will, you patiently endure unjust treatment."
‭‭1 Peter‬ ‭2:19‬ ‭NLT‬‬

Good verse and reminder for me tonight.


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Tuesday, August 15, 2017

Wedge MaGee: Spooky Pants

1. My kids crack me up. My five year old asked me if she could pant on her pants that had a hole in them this morning. I answered okay? But told her I needed a cup of coffee before the painting of the pants commenced. The pants painting never happened but I later found out why she requested such an off thing. The big boys painted a face on a pair of old pants and named it Wedge MaGee. Wedge MaGee are a pair of spooky pants and are used to scare the two brown eyed children in BrownTown. I found Wedge hanging on a hanger guarding the boys room. There is never a dull moment.

2. My hormones must be out of whack because I have been a total mess today. I have felt off the last couple days and wondering if things are off kilter or trying to regulate. Today I felt Baby bluesy. My favorite. I can't listen to some of the songs in the play my kids are in because I start wanting to weep. Watching my Matthew Cuthbert die messed me up and probably for many reasons.
- The idea of one of my kids dying is more than I can bear. Just can't even.
- Putting my hubs in Matthew's place. I always say that I'm going first. Obviously I have no control over such things. The thought of one day loosing my greatest love is too much for my hormonal self.
- That got me thinking about my neighbor Miss Charlotte. We've watched as her possessions are being sold and sometime soon her house will be sold as well. Too old to live by herself. We are but a vapor.

Interestingly enough I read 1 Peter 1 today.

"As the Scriptures say, "People are like grass; their beauty is like a flower in the field. The grass withers and the flower fades. But the word of the Lord remains forever." And that word is the Good News that was preached to you."
‭‭1 Peter‬ ‭1:24-25‬ ‭NLT‬‬

I'm thankful that the word of the Lord lasts forever. Staring at the realities of humanity today has been heavy, oh so very heavy.

- I know I haven't fully processed the death of my Grandma either. Watching someone die is an interesting mix of beauty and trauma. I don't know. I'm not sure I'll ever fully be able to wrap my head around that one.

3. Today I found out my mil felt sad about not knowing about the kids play coming up. I've just gotten so used to nobody showing up or nobody to show up that's family that I don't even think about telling family. This too makes me sad.

4. Last night my hubs and I talked briefly of more loss from almost three years ago. It has been a loss so far reaching and wide. Ah! That might be the reason for my crazy and the overwhelming feeling of loss. Three year anniversary coming up soon. Lots of healing but the ripples still affecting our lives and will continue to for a very long time and for one in particular. Yep. This is indeed the source of my overwhelming sense of grief today. Hurray for feeling all the feels. Blech!

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Monday, August 14, 2017


I'm really tired. My kids are acting like the energizer bunny. Maybe the frosties after play practice is not such a good idea. Love these minions just wish they had a mute button. One day I'll miss all their noise after 9pm. Why must they grow up so fast!?

Started reading a Devo on prayer. Feel spiritually flat these days.

AH! Hubs just walked in the door! Quite the surprise!


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Sunday, August 13, 2017


1. Thankful for a fantastical weekend. So many things to give thanks for. 

2. My bigs, oh my sweet precious bigs. This weekend she became the Green Gables make-up artist extraordinaire. She did several sweet girls make-up all weekend. Then today she served me by watching her two baby brothers while I sat and watched my big boys do their thing. Compliments galore on how she handled a hangry baby like a champ. That girl has her struggles but man if she didn't she might be a prideful twerp. I hate anxiety and I hate that is a word she is all too familiar with but despite it she's still thriving and such a talented and kind hearted compassionate girl. Can't believe I get to be her Momma.

3. My boys! Again I just can't get over what an amazing job all three of them did. 

As you can tell, middle big was fired up to take a picture. Ready for him to grow out of the "I hate to take pictures" phase. 

I got crazy choked up again today watching my Matthew die. Will be interesting to see if I have the same reaction when I watch a Matthew that isn't mine die. It will still be sad because dang it, it is but something about my kid playing that role had my heart up in knots. Can't even go there. 

4. I was a grumpy turd tonight when my crazies wouldn't settle down and then a kid broke a silverware drawer. I finally calmed down and had some sweet moments with my big babies. My time with them is slipping through my fingers. I hate getting so bent out of shape over stupid stuff. Time is slipping away. Time I will never get back. Makes me want to fling this horrid phone to the end of the ocean. I don't want to miss a moment of them. Overwhelmed by how blessed I am. 

5. I've missed my littles this week. So interesting to have bigs, littles and middles. The gap continues to widen. The bigs are still very content to be with everyone. I know the day is coming when it will be harder to have a family day where everyone is content. Thankful for the gift of today and the right here and now. 

6. These verses are beautiful to me tonight. Doesn't hurt that I'm listening to the sound of ocean waves.

"He calmed the storm to a whisper and stilled the waves. What a blessing was that stillness as he brought them safely into harbor!"
‭‭Psalms‬ ‭107:29-30‬ ‭NLT‬‬


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