Tuesday, April 12, 2005

Just When I Thought Winter Was Over....

les has this cool pop up weather thing on his computer that tells the current weather conditions. well, it's set for austin texas. right now it's currently 81 degrees and fair. currenlty in st. john's portland it's below fifty (in texan terms it's freakin freezing) and it's raining! BLAH! just when i thought stinking winter was over it's winter all over again. i know i shouldn't be such a big baby but i left high 70's and sunny to come to cloudy, rainy and freakin freezing! i think i'll throw myself a pity party later and anyone who wants to come is invited.

okay so the DL on portland so far.... besides the disappointing weather it's pretty cool so far. God obviously wants les and i here for a reason. it's still really surreal though. i sometimes feel like i'm observing someone elses life. this isn't me. i'm confident that i'm going to wake up any minute and find myself back home in austin. it's weird. i've had moments when i've cried and it felt real but all in all it hasn't completely hit me yet. i'm ready for the bottom to fall out in a week or so. get ready for it will be dumparama!

so i have a roommate again. he's a really stinkin cool guy. this is how cool warren is. my dog buster peed in the middle of his bed and he didn't get upset AT ALL. i'm not anywhere near that cool, calm and collected. i have already planned the wedding of him and my best friend heather. in my fanatsy land they will fall in love and we'll live next door to each other and our babies will play together. a girl can hope can't she? warren would make a super cool best friend in law though.

this may come as no surprise to anyone but congratulations to me i cried at the first staff meeting les and i have attended at red sea. this is definately a new record for me. i might even win some kind of award somewhere. and there was a time when i had no idea that i was emotional. CRAZY! surprisingly i wasn't embarassed at all by this outward sign of emotion. normally i want to dig a hole and disappear. we were praying together and when i took my shot at some prayer the tears just started streaming down. i am so thankful what i had orginally envisioned it would be like to be on staff at a church is happening. it's so stinking refreshing. i am so thankful that God has brought les and i here for this season. it would cool to say that God brought us here to help and do great things by God's power but i think we are here for this season to learn and to grow. maybe it's always that way. we are able to help others by relying and resting in God and He in turn teaches us so much more. i'm so ready to be a student again.

it's so crazy being here. i'm torn. i'm am so stoked to be here but i miss everyone back home like crazy especially my family. the day les and i set out on our treck across country my mom called and told me my grandpa was in the hospital. he got pneumonia and couldn't fight it on his own. he's been in the hospital ever since. there are times when it seems like he'll be out any day and times when i wonder if i'll ever see him again back at my grandparents little yellow farm house. it's really hard not being there for my family. it's hard not being able to be there when i know that most of my family doesn't get it and completely misses out on the full life that Jesus has to offer. as we were driving i asked God why He would take me so far away to a help show a needy community the face of Christ when my family so desperately needs Him too. the sad but honest truth is that they wouldn't listen to me. possibly by them coming up to visit les and i and them actually being able to witness a sunday service they might finally understand what the heck les and i do and have been doing. i hope so. but here or there i can do just as much good. if any of you think about please pray for my family especially for my grandpa's health. i would love more than anything to see him back at home again.

well, i guess that's all that has been swirling around in my head lately. at least that's all that i can grasp on to right now. i will leave on this note. it seems to be the theme of red sea right now...REST. it can be so difficult to rest in the one who we feel so called to follow. rest is essential to everything that we do. i have a really hard time struggling with rest. even now i'm beginning to grow restless just hanging out and sitting around. i want to run and jump in at a 1000 miles and hour. this isn't what God has called me to do for this season though. He wants me to rest. He wants me to get replenished. He wants me to rest in him so he can tell me where He wants to lead me. and once again i must learn how to wait patiently. hmmmmmm.....