Thursday, July 14, 2005


sometimes my life can be so crazy and fast paced that all i really want is a few minutes to catch my breath to eat my damn lunch! i just get used to the idea of having space in my body up for rent for the next nine months and now there's a possibility that i'm going to loose this baby. God please can you let me eat my damn lunch! as if a 2300 mile move, my grandpa passing away, starting a ministry, and buying a house wasn't enough. i didn't ask to be pregnant in the first place. at least not right now. i have no idea why any of this is happening. all i want to do is eat my lunch...

Tuesday, July 05, 2005


i wonder if fin already realizes that his mother is the biggest dork on the planet. little did i know at this baby shower that less than six months later i too would be expecting a little one. i am still shocked when people congratulate me or ask if the news is really true. i want to look behind me to see if they are asking someone else if THEY are pregnant. they couldn't possibly be talking to THIS extremely exhausted and nausious person. how could one little baby the size of a grain of rice reak so much havoc on my body.

Friday, July 01, 2005


i just met a fascinating young woman this afternoon. after hearing some of her story and the trials she has gone through i feel lik e the biggest chump on the planet. i am the biggest whiney pants ever. i swear sometimes i can produce more wine than a freakin vineyard. this young girl was from germany and is a student at portland university. she is a sergeant in the united states army and is currently on leave to finish schooling. she is fluent in seven languages and it took me some time to even recognize that she had an accent. she has received harrassment and riddicle by ohter americans because of her german background and her family has disowned her because of her christain faith. she has also recently discovered that she has stage two cervical cancer which the armies health insurance will not pay for. all this from a bright eyed twenty year old girl who when asked how she copes with all this just says it's life. it's people like this that i truly admire. this girl knows what she wants and she's not going to let a few road blocks stand in her way. i am in awe of her faith and her courage! if only one day i could have the same faith and courage and weather the ebb and flow of life with the great assurance that God has everything covered. i know this all to be true already but i perfer to throw myself a few pity parties first before i surrended to God's cover. maybe one day i'll be able to rest assured in God's providence no matter what may come without first shaking a fist or throwing a party.