Friday, October 28, 2005


"Dear brothers and sisters, whenever trouble comes your way, let it be an opportunity for joy."
James 1:2

okay, i'm probably the last person that should be writing about this verse. i could take a random stroll through bloggity memory lane and see about a hundred posts where i have pissed and moaned about my circumstances. i am positive i haven't written my last pissy post either. the truth is my name is Desirea Brown and i am a recovering crotchity christian.

i don't know if it's the air in portland or if it's the constant reminder of seeing people who have been marginalized that has given my joy a jump start. something crazy has started to happen to me over the past several months. i'm starting to see the joy in situations that normally would have ended up in long and endless hours of kicking and screaming.

maybe it's not that my joy quotient has increased but more that i'm taking the time to be thankful for the things God has blessed me with. i have a house. not just a place to live and sleep but a place that les and i can do ministry out of. a place to raise our family. i have an amazing husband and partner in crime. i am truly blessed to be married to such an incredible man. in less than four months i'll actually get to see this little wiggleworm who has made a new sport of jumping on my bladder. i have amazing friends in texas and now in oregon too and even a long lost childhood friend in illinois. according to our bank account the brown's are poor but i've never felt so rich in all my life.

Wednesday, October 26, 2005


well, it's official i'm halfway done with this pregnacy. i have to admit it's getting a lot more fun. i can constantly feel my little anklebiter move now which is so cool. i've had a couple more scary preggo moments and there are still times when out of the blue i get a case of projectile vomit but all in all things are moving along quite nicely. les and i even got Fin's first dirty nudity pic last week. Fin has bits and pieces so we found out he's officially a boy. it's a good thing Fin is a boy because i hadn't even begun to think of girl names. once Fin is born he will officially become "Paul Joseph Brown." it wasn't a struggle picking out names since les and i are naming him after my grandpa.

i don't know how it's possible but i already love this wiggle worm like crazy. i may have a slightly different opinion next month when i'm the size of a stufted turkey and Fin's "cute" punches and kicks start bruising my internal organs but whatever may happen over the next four months i can't wait till you are here little buddy!

Saturday, October 01, 2005


there is probably something totally wrong with being a youth director and starting a post on your blog called damn punk kids! i can't help it i'm frustrated. i don't have a passion for youth just so i can hang out with a bunch of teenage Jesus Freaks. i love it when i do get the opportunity to work with teens who are completely sold out to Christ but to be honest i'm in it for the jacked up teens. i'm just tired of those jacked up teens not being honest about where they are at. i don't want to hear about your parents religion and their belief in God and i definately don't want to hear your damn church answers! i guess i have to keep saying it till i am blue in the face. CHURCH ANSWERS SUCK!!! it's not so upsetting that i have a habitual liar, theif and drug addict in this new batch of kids. i hate that they are in that place in life but great bring it on. i can be there for them and love them through it if they are willing to be real about where they are at. i know the dishonesty and two facedness comes from their jacked up place in life but how the heck am i supposed to create an environment where teens feel okay with getting passed the bullshit and are okay to just be who they are. i'm starting to think that this can't be accomplished in a church youth group. and if it can't be then is this the place that i'm really supposed to be?