Thursday, November 17, 2005


preggo or not there is something seriously wrong with gaining over a pound in two days. a couple weeks ago i gained three pounds over a weekend. either A) my scale is possessed and hates me, B) i'm having a gianormous baby, or C) i have developed a new talent of gaining weight just by thinking about food or walking by it. i've really tried to be good. i am drinking milk and hot chocolate like it's going out of style but the milk and chocolate are both fat free. i eat waffles with peanut butter every morning but at least the peanut butter is reduced fat. the coffee shop downstairs just got new fudgy brownies that are iced and even though i would love nothing more than to eat about a dozen of them, i promise i haven't touched a single one. i'm not mowing through dozens of pints of ice cream and all the food that i've really been craving is in texas. other than the peanut butter and the increase in milk i really haven't been eating all that much more than i normally do. i guess since my pace of life and activity level have slowed down so has my evil metabolism. just because i sleep more than a sloth doesn't mean i want to start burning calories like a sloth. at this rate i'll gain 90 pounds by the end of this pregnancy. i've already begun to see the slightest hint of stretch marks. i'm so screwed. and the joys of pregnancy continue.

Wednesday, November 16, 2005


last week les and i were at a dinner party with a doctor who was laughing at other people in the group who refused to share any of the desserts being passed around because of fear of germs. he said if they only knew that the world was covered in a sheen of fecal matter they wouldn't care so much about sharing a dessert. the thought of the entire world being covered in a sheen of poo was quite horrifying to me. i just couldn't fathom how that could be possible.

today as the wear and tear of being hormonally inbalanced continues to take it's toll on me it dawned on me how much sense it makes that there are poo particles floating around everywhere. the last several days i myself have felt like a big walking talking poo particle floating aimlessly around.

over the last several weeks three couples on staff, including les and i, have been stolen from. lester's new computer was stolen and even though i tried to be empathetic it really didn't affect me. getting my stuff ripped off isn't something that would really shake me all that much. i was trying to think of what would shake me, what would be an attack for me. it didn't take long to come up with an answer. bumps and kinks on the pregnancy trail would do it for me. a couple days later i woke up in the middle of the night to a bright red surprise. i went to the doctor and they checked to make sure i wasn't going into labor early and i have a follow up appointment next week. i know God has all of this in His control and no matter what happens it's going to be okay. no matter how much i want to trust God in this, it still weighs down on me.

to add to this mess, since i had to have another ultrasound done they took a second look at the gender. the little booger had it's feet tucked up again but this time the sonographer guessed it was a girl. basically we wont know the gender for sure until the baby makes it's grand entrance into the world. that's all fine and it wouldn't even matter if i hadn't prayed my head off the night of my grandpa's funeral to have a little boy first so i could name him after my grandpa. i don't want to treat God like my own personal genie in a bottle but i thought for sure this was one of the reasons why i got preggo now. i felt confident that this was for sure a boy. there's a part of me that wonders what the big deal of letting me have a boy first is and why that can't just happen. what if this baby really is a boy and this is a test of my faith that no matter what the circumstances may appear to be, that feeling in my gut that i've always thought to be God is right and i should stand firm in that? or is this a test of my faith in God's goodness and sovereignty no matter if the outcome is contrary to what I want it to be? i totally trust the goodness of God's plan i just wish i wasn't so damn nearsighted all the time. it would be nice to get a bigger glimpse of the picture sometime.

Tuesday, November 08, 2005


i just read a blog entry posted by a newlywed who had to take the emergency "oh crap! did i really get knocked up during the first couple months of marraige?" test. she only saw one pink line BUT i wonder how many newly wed woman have taken this test. i know i did. my little "friend" USED to arrive like clockwork. this actually worked wonders when trying to figure out the time that i would look best in a two piece on my honeymoon.

i remember driving to work with les, my less than a month old husband, while having a silent panic attack and then blurting out "I'M LATE!" needless to say we arrived to work quite late that day. i remember seeing only one pink line and thinking it was the most beautiful thing i had ever seen. almost a year later i took that same test, more confident than the first time that i would get another negative result. not so much.

i can recall hearing at least one other story of a newlywed who had to take the same test. i know this is the first time i've shared my newly wed crisis with anyone and this got me thinking. just how much money are these pregnancy test companies making off of newlyweds?

Friday, November 04, 2005


well, there's no denying it, fall is officially here. although i'm not a huge fan of the combination of cold weather and rain it has been nice experiencing some type of fall. it's been fun watching the leaves turn different colors and i'm already excited about the holidays. it was so hard to get into the holiday mood in texas when it sometimes just didn't even feel like winter had hit yet.

i always dread the change from daylight savings time back to standard time but this year it hasn't seemed all that bad. i'm sure in a few weeks i'll be caught hovering under any source of bright light i can find but for now the rainy dark weather has made my lazy days under the covers guilt free.

my life lately has fallen into a nice and easy stride. i'm finally getting used to portland and have come to grips that maudie's and chuy's are no longer a simple 5 minute car ride away. there are still some saturday mornings when i would trade my right arm for a couple breakfast tacos from taco shak and yesterday i almost attacked my neighbor when i saw what looked like a chickfila bag in her hand but i've just had to deal with the fact that oregonians are simply confused about the food they eat. it's been a blast that all the food i've craved during this pregnancy is located deep in the heart of texas but it's been great to know that even though my baby was conceived in portland little paul is still be a texan.

the student ministry at red sea has taken on a nice stride too. high school and middle school are up and running and the calendar is full until the end of december. i'm still trying to figure out how to get my foot in the door at the local high school, roosevelt, but i'm confident that when the time is right God will swing the door wide open. there still are times when i want to bang my head against the wall and times when all i can do is grieve about where students are but it's all part of ministry. i can't help but love these punk kids.

it's kinda been weird going along at this new pace in life. i think if i didn't know that life will once again change drastically in four months i would get restless. i don't know why it's so difficult for me to sit still and rest but lately i've been taking full advantage of this time that God has given me.