Wednesday, April 26, 2006

THROWING IN THE TOWEL


bathtime_012
Originally uploaded by TheRoadLesTravels.
i never wanted to become one of those mom's who talk about nothing else but their kids. i've really tried hard not to make everything about abbie but it's so hard and i'm throwing in the towel. she is by far the best thing i've ever done and besides God and les she's the most amazing thing in my life. everything else seems boring and dull compared to her so if i want to keep up with this blog i guess my only choice is to write about abbie.

right now abbie is asleep in her new swing that her aunt heather bought her. abbie is a big fan of being rocked and this new swing hopefully will give les and i more time to "reconnect". thank you heather, may your gift bear you additional neices and nephews.

last week abbie really started putting on the charm. she's starting to smile more and is learning how to make happy noises. les and i have already committed to buying her barbie's malibu mansion and her very own minature horse. okay, so maybe that's not quite true but if she had any idea of how powerful her smile was then it would be all over for les and i.

i absolutely love being abbie's moo moo momma. the moo moo before momma simply refers to the fact that i am now the resident dairy cow in the brown's family home. while i'm on the subject, that one desperate house wives episode which equates the caloric burning power of nursing equal to having a treadmill strapped to one's chest is a bunch of beeeeep! this moo moo momma still has a whopping 8 preggo pounds to shed and they are not budging. i guess i'm actually going to have to work to get back to normal. dang it!

for the last of the abbie talk, she has a cold this week. there is nothing worse than seeing your child sick. it makes it even harder when there is absolutely nothing you can do about it. this cold isn't as bad as the one she got when she was two weeks old thank goodness. i thought i was going to loose my mind with that cold. knowing how hard it is to see abbie suffer makes the knowledge of God offering His Son to pay for my sin all the more amazing and mind blowing.

God has been so good to us brown's. the last several weeks have been scary finacially. just when les and i are at our wits ends with this whole faith thing God has shown up with big checks in our red sea mail box. it's so amazing how God uses His family to bless each other and how His timing is just perfect. last week i was feeling really lonely and after pouring my heart out to God about it, my best friend called out of the blue to say she had to come up to Portland for a business trip. God rocks! and by the way God thank you so much for the fabulous weather we've been having in portland lately and for tulips, sometimes it feels like you created them just for me.

Wednesday, April 12, 2006

CATCHING ON


Abbie Crying
Originally uploaded by TheRoadLesTravels.
this week has been rather exciting as a new mom. i feel like i'm finally getting the hang of things. my fear and anxiety about screwing things up as a new parent is slowly fading. i'm finally starting to get a hang of what abbie's different cries mean. i now know the difference between a "i'm freaking hungry mom!" and a "that's right, i'm going to keep crying until you find a way to get me to sleep because i'm stinkin exhausted" cry. since the only way abbie can communicate with me is through forcing huge roars out of her HUGE set of pipes it feels good to know what she's saying. she's a lot less fussy now that i'm developing my new baby translation guide.

i've been waiting patiently for abbie to flash me her first smile. she smiles while she's sleeping and it is one of the most amazing things i've seen. at six weeks babies can start smiling socially. basically this means if abbie sees me smile she can mimic my facial expression and smile back. i've seen a lot of almost smiles from her the past couple days but today i got a glimpse of her first smile. she wasn't exactly smiling at me and i think she was smiling because she was taking a big ole poo but she smiled while she was awake none the less. i'm even more excited about the first time she'll actually smile at me. i hope she realizes that i change more diapers than her daddy does and smiles at me first :).

Saturday, April 08, 2006

WHAT HAS GOD DONE?

the last couple weeks i've been able to connect with a couple of my students from austin. one of them asked me what God has been doing in my life. to be honest it kinda caught me off gaurd. i've been thinking about the answer to the question for the past two days now and i think it's appropriate since yesterday was the date that les and i landed in portland last year. i've been in oregon for a year now, what has God been doing in my life.

as usual, it's nothing like i expected it would be. this hasn't been a year of doing incredible ministry like i had hoped. instead it's been a year of a lot of painful heart surgery. lately God has been specifically teaching me some good lessons on humility, grace, patience and faith.

over the past couple of months God has shown me that it's time to start changing my prideful attitude. there are many times when i have thought that i could do things better than others. les and i have been going through the old testament and reading about how the isrealites would grumble constantly has opened my eyes to a lot of things. first off, God continues to love us even though we piss and moan over and over again. that's a really good thing for me. the isrealites would also grumble against moses and aaron all the time and they thought they could do a better job. i do this all the time and i had not realized how prideful this is. even when our leaders are in the wrong God is still the one who calls people to the positions that they hold. heres where the grace piece comes in too. it's so hard not to want the people who have authority over our lives to be perfect and to never make mistakes. the truth is they have their junk just like everyone else and of course are going to screw up and make decisions that hurt others. as a leader i've let my junk get in the way and hurt people too, all the time in fact. i'm not perfect and i need to stop passing that standard off to others.

the patience and faith piece goes hand in hand. i get so frustrated with God's timing when i'm not able to see the whole picture. over and over again God has taught me that He is faithful no matter what the circumstances may seem to be like, even when there seems to be no hope left. i'm in another period of waiting in life and i think this time instead of pissing and moaning and trying to charge forward with my own agenda i think i've learned my lesson about waiting, at least for now. there is something so powerful about being "quite and still." it's so hard for me to do this because when i am quite and still i have to deal with my crap.

overall this year has been hard. i've learned some hard lessons and painful things have happened. with all that this has probably been one of the most incredible years of my life too. i feel alive and i feel like i'm growing again. i've seen God work in crazy and wacky ways. my marraige is stronger than it was in Texas. the adjustment to the baby and the six weeks of pelvic rest has been a challenge but God has truly blessed my marriage to les this year. the blessing of abbie into our family goes beyond words. it has helped me understand God even more with the whole parent child thing in ways i never would have expected. there is no joy like being a parent and you cant understand it until you experience it for yourself. the projectile poo and spitup is not pretty and the sleep deprivation gets hard at times. adjusting to a baby in the house is no walk in the park either but it is beyond worth it!!! so that's the short version of it. this is what God has been doing in my life over the past year. i'm excited about the possibilities of this upcoming year and the growth that God will continue to do in my life.