Friday, March 21, 2008


well, i think i've lost out on the mom of the year award for 08 yet again. after a fun day romping outdoors my kids are sunburned, rashy, and abbie now loves to pee on the grass. this morning we had some friends over to celebrate good friday. it was low key and it was fun hanging out with friends and watching the kids have fun. as the day progressed the heat cranked up a notch and les and i thought that we might be able to bust out the baby pool we bought for abbie and pauls birthday. the water was way too cold and the kids never got in but i seized the opportunity to strip my kiddos and let them romp around nakey in the backyard. good times but there is no sunscreen anywhere in the brown house and my kiddos have sensitive skin. my kids are still cute even though they are now bumpy and red. the day progressed and we grilled hotdogs and ate them out in the front yard. abbie was in a t-shirt and bgp's (big girl panties) and she started whining about going back inside the house. when i asked her if she needed to go potty she said no so i told her she would have to wait till the whole family came inside. she then proceeded to pee on the door mat. i asked her if she was finished she said no and as a true mom of the year i told her to go pee in the grass. oh how my daughter loved this. she proceeded to hop around the peeing and then pretending to pee on the grass. might have to add yard breaking my daughter now. even with all the bad mommie etiquette today i have two words, worth it!

Wednesday, March 12, 2008


didn't realize i was such a control freak until i became a parent. not just a parent but a parent with a now two year old. abbie's behavior is getting more intense by the day. add in a family who isn't sleeping well because two particular children haven't been sleeping well and it makes for some long and hard days. i am worn out and in times like these i have no idea how i'm going to possibly throw another one into the mix in a couple months. with all that being said, i've enjoyed my kids more the last two weeks than i think i have in a long time. my kiddos always bring me an incredible amount of joy, a joy that i never thought would come with having children. lately, they have not only brought me joy but i've enjoyed them and taken great delight in them. they still have been driving me crazy but lack of sleep and a gianormous baby belly will do that to anyone.

i don't know how my attitude or perspective changed, ummmm God!, but lately discipline for me has become more about my desire to train abbie rather than control abbie. i still get incredibly irritated that abbie doesn't do everything I want her to do but i feel like God is changing my heart in my desire to discipline her. i do have to admit that i wanted to wear her butt out this evening while getting in the car from mcdonald's. she was in the front seat and as i was getting her out she squirted her juice box on me and everything else out of anger. as i had her out of the car i reared my hand back and stopped. where does she get this temper from? gee i don't know! one of the things that makes abbie so challenging at times is that we are two peas in a pod.

the truth is that even though in the moment it would feel so good to be able to control my kids and for them to do everything i want them to do, that's not my heart for them. i want them to be the free spirits that God created them to be. i want them to challenge rules and not blindly follow anyone or anything. i also want them to know my heart and les' heart on the rules we set for them, especially as they become teens. we have rules so that we can protect them and because we love them. i really really want them to get that about God.

i don't have this thing figured out by any means. i am also aware that one step forward can all to often mean two steps back. i feel like i have a warning sign now though. am i just slugging out the days or am i truly enjoying being with my kids? hopefully this will help clue me in to where my heart is at when it comes to parenting.


several sundays ago i was at church and actually was able to catch the worship or rather the singing part of the service. sundays can be so stinking brutal. trying to get the kids up and out of the door has been an emotional and exhausting task lately. plus i'm constantly reminded of how flakey i feel about the job i've done at serving at wake. my heart longs to work with youth again but my family and growing a baby leave me with not much to give when it comes to serving a bunch of wacky teens. as usual by the time i got to watermark i was grouchy, the kids were grouchy and then i was even grouchier because they didn't let me park where I wanted to park. in so many gross ways sundays have become all about me instead of reminding me it's all about Christ.

as for this particular sunday, will pavone was leading worship and as i started singing familiar songs i was all too aware of the condition of my stone cold heart. as i stood there being pissed about how pissy i was being God broke through. as He reminded me of how much He loved me pissy and all, the tears flowed down and my words began to get caught in my throat. sadly, i realized i haven't just sat there with my Father in a long time and let Him remind me of how much He loves me. it's easy for me to get how much God loves others but on a personal level i feel as if i'm constantly letting Him down. i've forgotten my first love and more importantly how much He loves me. my hope for 29 is to recapture my date nights with the Lord. i find time to get away, grab a cup of coffee, sit in a park whatever, with no agenda other than just hanging out with my Creator. i realize that on most days i feel unloveable and i desperately need to be reminded that even though i feel like i'm continually screwing up my Father still loves me.

Saturday, March 01, 2008


This afternoon after abbie and Paul's birthday hoe down I went around to my neighbors to pass out extra cupcakes. The flu scare of 08 caused for an excess of cute Elmo cupcakes. The last neighbor I visited opened the door a tiny crack waved no towards the cupcakes and shut the door without a single word. Just for an extra tidbit of info the neighbor was a peepaw. After the door was shut in my face I stood their staring at door perplexed for a few minutes. Of course in my head I was thinking "why don't you want to talk to the cute bare foot and pregnant girl standing on your porch bearing gifts of elmo cupcakes?" I am so intrigued I want to ring peepaw's doorbell till he'll come talk to me.

In our neighborhood in Portland there was a grumpy ole peepaw who I called grandpa dick. Ironically his name really was dick. He used to yell at people on our street including some of the teens we would have over for youth stuff. I was intrigued by him as well. I have to admit this new peepaw interests me more than grandpa dick. At least grandpa dick would have yelled at me for standing on his porch with adorable little elmo cupcakes. I suddenly have an urge to make some banana bread and hand it out to the neighbors.


it's 12:40am. Guess who has a cold and is snoring like a freight train? I'll give you one hint, the dog is snoring but he's not the only one.