Friday, January 30, 2009
including the paperwork we need for our dossier. I wasn't nauseous
before but I sure as heck am now! This kinda feels like studying for
finals. Too bad I can't just cram it all in an all nighter.
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communicate it hurts. He's also discovered, post infection, that
saying it hurts had gotten him a lot of attention. There has been lots
of things this past week that has caused him to say it hurts.
I am reluctant to say when things hurt. I don't want things to hurt. I
have tried the magority of my life to run away when it hurts, deny
when it hurts, and mask the pain when it hurts. When I peel back the
anger, it hurts. It hurts. What is this salty discharge that has begun
to fall from my eyes?
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Monday, January 26, 2009
Sunday, January 25, 2009
Saturday, January 24, 2009
definately one of those things. Abbie can completely get herself
dressed now. It is so much easier not having to get three kids dressed
two times everyday. She has crossed over into the world of being a
little girl. According to her she is now a big girl. Watching her do
all her big girl things is so much fun. She's all things princess. I
once thought I wouldn't know what to do with this type of little girl
but I adore it! I love this new stage big girl stage but there is a
sting that comes with it. Although Abbie will always be my baby girl
she will never be a baby again. It's so bitter to know how fast it
flies by but it's so sweet to watch her grow into the little girl God
created her to be.
I once heard a parent say having kids just gets better and better. At
the time I couldn't phathom how such a thing could be true but it does
just get sweeter with time. It gets physically easier too but mentally
I write all this as I grieve over an empty bed during nap time. I
started napping with Abbie early on. I was pregnant and tired and if I
napped with her, she would sleep longer. Once Paul was born I just
threw him in bed with us. Six months later I was pregnant and tired
and we continued the naps in my bed. I never broke them of the habit
till this week. Having them all nap together in the same bed has
become more and more of a burden. Les and I finally decided enough was
enough. Our hope is this will help Paul stay in his bed at night too.
So far so good. They don't nap everytime but that wasn't happening
anyway. I miss it though. I miss snuggling and wrestling with my sweet
babies. This by far has been the hardest ritual to change. I know in a
few weeks I be wondering why I didn't do this a LONG time ago. But for
now I sit in the sad bitter and wait for the sweet.
and for others she comes out when the cubs are in distress. Momma
bears are one of the toughest of all creatures. Momma bears will maul,
mangle or destroy ANYONE who even thinks of harming their children.
You don't want to mess with a momma bear.
This past Thursday I had the unfortunate experience of discovering
what it's like to have that momma bear response to my own child. The
irony of a momma bear turning on it's own offspring is absolutely
bizarre. I didn't even know it was possible, but oh dear mothers it is.
Thursday afternoon while outside in the backyard Abbie started playing
in a potted plant. I calmly asked her to stop. Something else caught
my attention and a few moments later I turn around to see why Paul is
wailing. Abbie thought it would be great to try to re-pot the plant on
Paul's face. His eyes were full of potting soil as well as his mouth
and his wails were turning into hysterics. I won't lie I wanted to
leap up and maul her. Instead I sent her to her room. She continued to
sit in her room until I managed to get Paul cleaned up and calmed
down. She was in her room for over an hour. As I consoled Paul all I
could do was pray that I wouldn't kill her and for grace and wisdom. I
finally calmed down enough to talk to her but it took hours for momma
bear to go back into hibernation mode. I know this is the first of
many occassions where my kids are going to seriously hurt each other.
These are the ocassions where I'll learn restraint like never before.
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
Friday, January 16, 2009
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Wednesday, January 14, 2009
to get in the middle of a wrestling pile either. I have a feeling in a
year or two things could get pretty crazy around with two or three
wrestling brown boys and an instigating little girl.
Yesterday I heard a woman share her story. She lost her daughter. The
message was sad but full of hope. Through Christ we can conquer all,
even the grave. If we knew we only had a short amount of time to be
with our kids we would embrace every moment. The reality is the time
we have is short. So for today I have a new perspective. For today I
will embrace the joy of motherhood and look beyond the trivial.