Saturday, November 13, 2010


How can my scrunchy puffy baby boy almost be a year old already? This past year has flown by and before my memory flies by with it I better get to cracking on a birth story.

Joshua was just like Luke, a big fat tease. Contractions on again / off again for weeks. At least this time I knew what to expect. On Monday November 16, 2010 I went to my last midwife appointment. I'm praying that it won't be my last midwife appointment ever. Just writing Joshua's birth story makes worry about getting pregnant. You see it's not sex with my husband that causes babies, it's reminiscing about birthing said babies that actually impregnates bizarre women like me.

Back to the story. Last midwife appointment and I let her check to see how far along I am. I was hoping the act of checking progress would get things shaking. At the office I was 4 or 5 cms, memory fails me. The midwife sent me home with a magical concoction called start up and told me she would be seeing me later. I don't know what the deal but just now thinking about it my last two boys had their last meal via placenta from McD's. The last two have been the wildest so I just might make a mental note of that. McD's right before delivery of baby equals frequent punch card to the ER for stitches and broken body parts.

Last pregnant meal was an Angus burger from the golden arches. Not the best idea and it came back to bite me in the angus later. Les and I put our 3 year old, 2 year old and 1 year old to bed and I started sucking down the start up. What better way to bring in a new offspring than to bounce on an exercise ball and while watching auto tune the news? I bounced till 12ish and then threw in the towel. I woke up at 4:30am to my water breaking. Just as a fun fact my water broke with Abbie in bed while reading up on labor. Luke was in bed with me and Les had fallen asleep with Paul in the bigs room. I tried calling for Les but I got nothing. I was freaked out to stand up because with Luke once my water broke I had a baby 30 minutes later. I also remembered the crazy change in labor once my water had broke. I refused to stand straight up and engage the baby so I grabbed a towel and waddled doubled over to get Les.

Here is the play by play via twitter:

My midwife thinks there is a good chance I'll be having a baby tonight. Hoping she is right!!

Next dose of "Get This Baby Out" 10pm. Might try busting out the donkey kicks in 15.

11:05 PM I'm calling it a night. This kid is a Brown, he'll come when HE thinks he's ready. Glad the stubborn & strong willed gene runs thick.

11:19 PM Let's stop with all this grindy grindy unless you plan on popping that water balloon.

4:43 AM Water just broke. Terrified to stand up. Now remembering that first crazy contraction with Luke. Oh Momma!!

4:55 AM No contraction yet but haven't stood up straight yet.

4:57 AM Hoping kids will stay asleep or this thing won't get rolling till they are awake and we can get them outta here.

5:02 AM Showed the kids a scene from Business of Being Born last night, totally freaked them out. Concerned for them. Stay asleep boys!!!

5:26 AM Nothing like a good natural prebiryh colon cleanse. That Angus burger probably not the best choice last night.

6:28 AM First couple real contractions... Luke gone and Bigs asleep helping. Nothing bringing me to my knees yet.

(At this point Luke had woken up and wouldn't go back to sleep. Our sweet friends the Holman's were up this crazy early and offered to take Luke. Les got him ready and took him over to their house.)

6:30 AM Pauley Wog up now.

6:42 AM Both boys gone. Once my smoking hot husband comes back think game will be on. 45 minutes...

6:43 AM Midwives here and caffinated with French press. Loving the home birth experience do far.

(At this point Les was still out and about dropping off Paul, grabbing donuts for midwives and grabbing coffee. No real big contractions at this point but I was scared Les might miss the birth of his child. While Les was gone I sat in the living room listening to music while sitting on a birth ball. The midwives sat and chatted at the living room table.)

Last Tweet:
10:29 AM Jeremiah Joshua Brown born at 8:04am. 7lbs 12oz 19 3/4 inches.

Once Les got back one of the midwives went to check me. Never had this experience before in labor. Still wasn't laboring hard yet. I knew once Les had come back and I settled in it would be game on. At this point I took some more labor juice and sat on the ijoy in our bedroom while watching the midwives unpack all their gear. Things started picking up and I asked them various weird questions about the various labor and deliveries they had attended. Pretty strange asking about labor stories while in labor.

Things started to really pick up. Midwives had moved back into the living room and I moved to the corner post of my bed. I worked through the crazy insane pain and was still amazingly quiet at this point. Then it happen I said the magic words which means it's almost over "I CAN'T DO THIS!!". Les went to get the midwives and I started making animal like sounds. Les told them "she's not moving" and he was so right. I wasn't moving. If I was standing on top of the corner post of our bed I still would not have moved. I started pushing and screaming bloody murder at the same time.

At this point I should refer back to that darn Angus burger. So not a good idea. Before I had given birth to Abbie the thing I feared most about birth was pooping while pushing the baby out. I didn't care about the pain of childbirth I was more freaked out about pooping in front of other people. I used to not be able to pee in a public restroom unless a toilet was being flushed or nobody else was in the restroom. I've got some serious potty issues. I know I was poop free with Paul and Luke and I can pretend that there wasn't with Abbie but my worst nightmare came true with Joshua and it hurt so dang bad I could have cared less. For the record Joshua pooped all over me too after he was born, and I mean all over me!

There's something else that might make the last 5 to 10 minutes of Joshua's delivery more understandable. After giving birth to Abbie and Paul I would always tell people that pushing felt so good. I don't know what I was thinking. I also clearly remember thinking if you're giving birth what does a few pounds even matter. Let me tell you something. Pushing hurts like hell and every single extra ounce hurts and is felt. Joshua was my biggest baby and I'm convinced he had the biggest freaking head.

Not sure if you have been doing the kid math up to this point but only two kids were gone. Our oldest child was still asleep. How she slept through all the screaming and me yelling "GET IT OUT" at the top of my lungs, I'll never know. But she did sleep through all the crazy noise and came strolling into my room about 15 minutes after Joshua was born.

Joshua got his first bath in my bathroom sink and I jumped into my own shower. Afterwards I jumped right back into MY bed for a nap with my baby. Ah, the beauty of home birth. Having a planned home birth was an amazing experience and if I could do it all over again I would of had all my babies at home this way. Guess now that Abbie is almost five and Paul almost four I should think about writing their birth stories too.