Wednesday, March 30, 2011

DAY 253: 2 CHR 8

Monday was quite the ironic day. We found out that our adoption agency had been cleared from the investigation and that referrals were resuming and that we are expecting our 5th biological child all within about an hour of each other. When we started up the adoption process again I feared pregnancy. I didn't want to get down the road again only to have to start all over, again. I was reading Genesis during the time and through out the bible there are stories of the Lord opening and closing the wombs of His daughters. I really felt God impressing on me not to worry. I didn't hear you'll bring home your child from Ethiopia before you'll be pregnant again yet I most definitely interpreted it that way. God's truth was simple. A reminder that God is ultimately in control and I should never worry about the miracle of life. Never.
> Tonight my heart aches with longing because I want both. I want this Baby Brownie who will probably be born late November and our Ethiopian son. This potentially could be our last bio but I know for certain this is not our last child.
> Tonight as I was in the car trying to process all things adoption and wondering why things have happened the way they have and how we should proceed next siblings came to mind. Les and I have talked about it before and the first time we started the process. I wasn't really for it. This time around I was open to it but because of our agencies guidelines all we could have adopted was twins and they wouldn't approve us for twins because of how young our kiddos were at the time. I get their point. Six kids under the age of six including the challenges of adoption probably wouldn't have been wise for our family. However, as our children get older the idea of adopting a sibling group gets less and less crazy. I've always felt like Les and I would adopt several kids and have a blended family of biological, adopted and foster kids. I envisioned our family with adopted kids interspersed throughout our bio kids. It's not exactly working out through a singleton adoption but maybe it happens through adopting a sibling group. Honestly I don't know much of anything right now but I do know if I can just let go I'm in for an amazing ride!
> 2 CHR 8:
> More on Solomon. Again this chapter is interesting as it points out Sol's commitment to God and how he follows his fathers instructions regarding the temple, the priests, ect. and his subtle compromises.
> In Vs 11 it's glaringly obvious that Solomon should not have married Pharaohs' daughter. He removes her from the City of David because she doesn't worship the Lord and is therefore unclean.
> Vs 11:
> Solomon brought Pharaoh's daughter up from the City of David to the palace he had built for her, for he said, "My wife must not live in the palace of David king of Israel, because the places the ark of the lord has entered are holy."
> That would be incredibly hurtful to be viewed this way by your husband. Why would you marry someone you felt this way about? Sol obviously did it as a political move but how much better if he had just obeyed God and trusted that God would make his kingdom strong. Sol did the same thing with stock piling chariots and horses even though God specifically commanded against it.
> Trust is the big glaring theme tonight. That's strange. In our fear and insecurity we try to set up systems that will keep us safe yet in the end draws us away from God. God wants us to trust Him for everything. When I fear and worry about anything I tell God I can't trust you. God help me to trust you more and more everyday.
> D
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DAY 252: 2 CHR 7

I had so much I wanted to write today but seeing that I'm pushing 2 AM for the third night in a row and my head is fuzzy I'll have to save it for tomorrow.

> 2 CHR 7:
> Fire comes down from heaven to consume the sacrifices for the Lord. All Israel celebrates for 7 days. Wish as a body we still celebrated like this!! Can't even imagine how crazy awesome being apart of a celebration would be like.
> Last half of the chapter the Lord answers Sol's prayer which is again prophetic. The Lord reminds Sol that if he walks in the Lord's ways he will be blessed.
> Fav of the chapter:
> When all the Israelites saw the fire coming down and the glory of the lord above the temple, they knelt on the pavement with their faces to the ground, and they worshiped and gave thanks to the lord, saying, "He is good; his love endures forever."
> I want to worship like this. To grasp a bigger understanding of God's glory and then respond to it.
> Freezing and exhausted so I'm out! Get ready for a long ramble tomorrow.
> D
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Tuesday, March 29, 2011


So it's not Monday BUT you know you're a boy mom if one of your baby's first words is Batman.

Monday, March 28, 2011

DAY 251: 2 CHR 6

I love how winter tries to fight against spring. It's such an interesting illustration of the battle we wage against our flesh. Spring comes in our lives and life bursts forth yet the cold dead winter of our flesh fights back reminding us that we must not grow complacent in our spring. We must continue to stand guard and not grow so arrogant to think we would no longer need the layers of protection. How cool that God desires to teach us through the beauty of His creation. Seriously? How awesome is our God!

2 CHR 6:
So funny. Today I prayed about being willing to embrace interruptions. I was "interrupted" while writing this and am so thankful I let God step in. Heck I was interrupted all day but it has turned out great. So in writing all of this tonight will be short and sweet. Sol prays to God and his prayer is prophetic and basically sums up God's relationship with His people till captivity. Really wild stuff!

This is my favorite verse of the chapter.

Vs 14:
He said: "lord, the God of Israel, there is no God like you in heaven or on earth—you who keep your covenant of love with your servants who continue wholeheartedly in your way.

So thankful God faithfully keeps His covenant of love with me despite my sinful ways. He is so good!! Father help me to continue my every step wholeheartedly in your way.


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Sunday, March 27, 2011

DAY 250: 2 CHR 5

Prone to wander Lord I feel it, prone to leave the God I love. Here's my heart Lord take and seal it, seal it for thy courts above.

Definitely been noticing my lack of desire to spend time with God. I'd much rather zone out and do my own thing. Hate that I would choose to wander from the God that I love. I love how He draws me back to Him. My eyes grow dim to His glory and then I'm awakened to His majesty once more. He is ever faithful even though I am not.

Our family is rockin it out right now. The chore charts and loose family schedule has been so good for us. House even feels, gasp!, cleaner. The laundry monster still lives but since Paul and Abbie do their own clothes at least theirs is washed and hung up. Two out of six is better than nothing :).
Overall things are going well. I'm ready for Shelter to be over. It's been such an encouraging semester and I LOVE the women in my group but I'll be glad to get Monday nights back at least till summer semester starts. Will take a year off from leading a group after summer so I can get my Homeschool legs under me.

After visiting a classical conversation class last week, Abbie and I are really excited about school next year. I'm excited about all the things I'm going to learn!! I probably learned just as much if not more than Abbie did at the Open House. I love how I can supplement as much or as little as I want with the material. Even if I just covered the basic CC material Abbie will be further along than most of her peers which is crazy! We are jumping into the home school arena to be obedient to the call we feel God has on us at least for next year. I thought that had most to do with being able to spend these primary years really cultivating Abbie and helping to build into helping her develop a biblical world view. Abbie is very much like me. She is a natural leader and an influencer but I could see her influencing in the wrong direction if not given a really solid foundation. I think her wanderlust of big kids could lead to her leading others down a path would not be good for her or others. All that being said I thought homeschooling was more about helping her to grow stronger before sending her out into world. It's cool to find out while helping Abs to grow strong roots in Christ she'll also be getting a leg up education wise. Sweet icing on top of the cake. Plus I'll even get to learn which is a awesome bonus too! Glad to go from fear and trembling about school next year to excitement. Why would I ever think for a moment that God would lead me on a path only to not equip me for the adventure.

Just another tidbit. Les and I have been chatting about West Dallas. The recorded talk from the Chuck Colson conference got me fired up and it was fun to see a story about West Dallas in the WM News today. I think the Homeschool thing plays into this somehow. I don't want to speculate and don't want to pigeon hole us anywhere but is be fired up for West Dallas to be our next adventure. I remember being in Philly and witnessing a family with small children do ministry right in the middle of prostitution and heroin use everywhere. I would have traded anything then to have been able to stay and throw down in that dark spot in Philly. I want that and it's exciting to think that God hasn't closed the door on Philly, Detroit, West Dallas or where ever. Send me Lord! Send BrownTown We are white as white can be but we can love on your people. Which leads me to my neighbor Pauline. She has been on my heart. Praying for opportunity to forge a true friendship with her. God please provide opportunity in huge ways in our neighborhood right here and right now.

2 CHR 5:
Sol has completed the temple. I love the beauty of this chapter. Israel and it's leaders gathered together to take the ark of the covenant into the temple. So many animals are sacrificed they are too numerous to count. People freeing giving joyfully in that manner to the Lord. All the Levites gifted musically playing their instruments and singing "He is good. His love endures forever". Then the entire temple is filled with the glory of God and a cloud fills the temple and it's so thick the priests can no longer carry out their duties. Just a small glimpse of what it will be like in heaven. All of God's children together singing. Holy, holy, holy is the Lord God Almighty. God's glory shining throughout heaven. Beauty upon beauties. Cant wait! Until then I want my eyes to stop growing temporarily dim to the glory of God. I want to learn to be more faithful and truly be the salt and light God has called each of His children to be.


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Saturday, March 26, 2011

DAY 249: 2 CHR 4

Whew! The boys were wild today. They need to be set free at a park to play for hours. Hoping the boys don't give GG a heart attack before its all over. It's funny how it's easier to take care of the three bigs physically but the sheer volume and all dominating testosterone level in the house makes for a constant cyclone in the house. I think only a mom with multiple boys can understand why my children act so feral.

I think I would give my left arm for a piece of chocolate cake. Just call me Esau.

2 CHR 4:
I've got a horrible attitude about being in 2 CHR tonight. I'm done with the details of the Temple. I hate that this is my attitude. I'm so glad Sol didn't feel that way. He followed the instructions he was given and was very faithful to the details. God cares about the details. I need to be better about attending to the details. I know I miss way too much. I go through my days and sometimes the very best things happen in the details but I miss it. God is a God of details. He doesn't miss a beat.

I started reading Luke to prepare our hearts for Easter. The story of Christ from birth to ascension. Today we read about Elizabeth and Zachariah. All those years Elizabeth was childless. It was shame upon shame to be barren back in the day. Motherhood was so highly regarded that to not be one brought a woman shame. This is so not the case now. Can you imagine what Elizabeth would have said to women of today?

Anyway, Elizabeth with no child hoes years enduring ridicule and shame. All the while God had a plan. He had a plan to use her barrenness for His glory. John the Baptists story is all that much more miraculous because Elizabeth was past childbearing years. Then enters Mary. A woman who becomes pregnant by without having sexual relations. Scandalous. I bet Elizabeth never questioned her story. Same family women who should not have gotten pregnant become pregnant. How sweet of it was for God to provide Mary with Elizabeth. God cares about the details and I so want to capture the beauty of how all the details fit together. I don't want to miss a single detail! It's the details that make me fall more and more in live with my Savior.


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Maybe letting my 1 yr old eat paint for breakfast wasn't the best idea but it sure was cute. BlogBooster-The most productive way for mobile blogging. BlogBooster is a multi-service blog editor for iPhone, Android, WebOs and your desktop

Friday, March 25, 2011

DAY 248: 2 CHR 3

Another good yet long day. Started the day off with check-ups for three of the Brownies. Haven't gotten word back about J still being anemic yet so that's probably a good sign. I'm hoping that all it was from was his momma being anemic. So thankful for good medical care and that so far our kids have been healthy.

2 CHR 3:
Sol builds the temple. A lot of it is overlaid in gold. It must have been an amazing sight to see. I don't want my offering to God to be cheap. I want to overlay my life with the sweet offering of integrity and love. I don't want to be a woman who lives a life of compromise. I wanna be the real deal and I want to my life to reflect something beautiful, Christ. Jesus help my life be a sweet offering to you!


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Thursday, March 24, 2011

DAY 247: 2 CHR 2

Tired as usual. Could feel the lack of coffee today. I'm sure my dependence on liquid sleep will catch up with me eventually. Had a yuck dream last night. I was so glad to wake up and realize the train wreck of my life was just an awful dream. So thankful God has set my feet on a rock!

Quick adoption update. The slow downs in Ethiopia never materialized so looks like things will stay status quo which is great. We are 3 months in on the wait list but stuck in a standstill. Our agency is still under investigation and no signs of the case being cleared anytime soon. Super frustrating but God knew all this would happen so we sit and try to wait patiently.

2 CHR 2:
Solomon makes a deal with the King of Tyre for materials to build the Temple.

Really liked this verse today.
Vs 6:
But who is able to build a temple for him, since the heavens, even the highest heavens, cannot contain him? Who then am I to build a temple for him, except as a place to burn sacrifices before him?

At this point Sol recognized the greatness of God. I think I miss out on the wonder of God a lot. Sometimes I get a small glimpse of the but mostly I get too comfy with God. This is a good thing but I also need to grasp onto the mighty power of God. I treat Him sometimes like He owes me something. This is completely messed up. I think the more and more I grasp God's vast and mighty power, the more I'll grasp the absolute craziness of His love!


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Wednesday, March 23, 2011


Thanks to the mystery child who peed in my bed last night and my fabulous hubster who put freshly washed ones back on, I'm sleeping on clean sheets tonight. Wish they could stay this pristine. It's only a matter of hours before the offspring will track their kid funk all over them. Until then I'm soaking up the bounty smell thankful for open windows, ceiling fans, beds with crumb free sheets and the kids that will later defile them by tomorrow. What are you thankful for today?

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DAY 246: 2 CHR 1

Sleep eluded me even more than usual last night. Between kids and my own sleep dysfuctions I'm exhaustipated. I wore my flesh on my sleeve this afternoon and it just got worse as the evening wore on. I barked orders at the kids especially Abbie Girl and the obscenities that rolled around in my head were obscene. Very weary of the monotony today. The never ending mess and housework was irritating this afternoon. Thankful for a new day tomorrow and hopefully a thankful heart to boot.

Will update on the CC Open House and adoption tomorrow if I remember. Good news adoption wise but still in obnoxious limbo with our agency. Bleh!

2 CHR 1:
This chapter tells of Sol's heart to lead his people by asking God for wisdom and knowledge instead of a long life, wealth and fame. Great choices and a great heart. Later in the chapter Sol's heart already begins to turn. He gathers lots of horses which was forbidden for kings. God wanted His people to put their faith and trust in Him not in the strength of horses. This is just the beginning of Sol's decline.

Sol started strong and caved at the end. This is the story of my life. I start strong and finish weak. Lots of things in my life have been started only to be abandoned later. The one thing that is the contrary is my relationship to Christ. I don't want to finish weak with Him. I don't want to grow prideful and complacent and get taken out. I want to run the race with endurance to completion!

Jesus help me not to grow weary in the race. Give me your strength to finish out my days strong that reflects a love for others that can only testify to have amazing your love is. Help me not to get off the course that you have set out for me. Help me not to grow prideful and boast in myself. Help me to cling to you and run the race strong. I love you God. Help me to step out of myself even when exhausted to offer my whole self up as a living sacrifice. Thank you Jesus!!


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Tuesday, March 22, 2011

DAY 245: 1 CHR 29

Think I had some fabulous wins as a parent today. Found some currency that I think will work well with my children. Actually took delight in having opportunity to train them up in righteousness. Grew frazzled by dinner time and my mouthy 1 yr old had my ears screaming for a few minutes of silence and I could have used five minutes to reset. My poor hubster walked in the door at the wrong time.

Speaking of my hubster, I was irrationally angry at him this morning. Instead of stuffing it I laid my sharp fangs into him. No, not really. I just told him I knew I was being a bit irrational about my response to a situation and once in the light this time bomb was defused. Definitely think I was transferring anger onto him. Hate when my emotions come out sideways.

On a lighter note, today I asked Paul to grab Luke some undies because as usual he was running around naked. He showed up with undies and an entire outfit for him. Paul even tried to get Lukey dressed. I see beautiful things on the horizon. We're getting a nice pace to our days as well. It all starts with breakfast together and cracking open the word. No better way to get things started off right. If only I had started getting up early sooner instead of refusing to be obedient. Sleep is a precious commodity but God always seems to multiply it.

Just for a fun fact, I found a fish today that had been MIA for probably about 6 months. Always wondered where it had gone. Mystery officially solved! It's amazing what you can find under the furniture especially at out house.

1 CHR 29:
This chapter is the last one of this book. I hate HATE to admit this but I think I could do a happy dance. The lists and divisions of people was killing me a bit. There's still such great stuff to be found in these chapter but I get so bogged down in the detail. It's almost been like loading the dishwasher three times a day. It's sometimes hard to swallow but it's necessary to making our house work. 1 CHR is like loading that dishwasher. It's been hard to crack open night after night but it's necessary to understanding the big picture. I don't want to miss the big picture!!

Vs 1:
"Then King David said to the whole assembly: "My son Solomon, the one whom God has chosen, is young and inexperienced. The task is great, because this palatial structure is not for man but for the lord God."

I wonder how much of David continually saying that Solomon was young and inexperienced drove him to ask God for wisdom. I think sometimes as parents we can give our kids a false sense of self. We can hand them a deflated self esteem or an over inflated one. Seems like David steered his son right. David was honest but backed his son as king 100 percent.

In this chapter David explains all that he had given of his own resources to put towards building the temple. He then asks the people if they too are willing to give in order to build the temple. The peoples outpouring of gifts and offerings blew everybody's mind. The people gave freely and joyfully. This would be pretty cool and incredibly encouraging.

Vs 9:
"The people rejoiced at the willing response of their leaders, for they had given freely and wholeheartedly to the lord. David the king also rejoiced greatly."

David then prays and as usual David's prayer boasts in the sheer awesomeness of God.

Vs 12:
Wealth and honor come from you; you are the ruler of all things. In your hands are strength and power to exalt and give strength to all.

Love this verse because it steers everything back to God. It's easy to think we provide for ourselves or that we are the ones to make a name for ourselves. I like to boast in my own strength. None of it is ours to boast of. It's all God's! If it's all God's why would I even spend one minute consumed with any of these things? It's God's not mine. I don't have control over it anyway so why pretend that I do? How freeing it could be to truly dive into this!

Vs 14:
"But who am I, and who are my people, that we should be able to give as generously as this? Everything comes from you, and we have given you only what comes from your hand.

Love this too! It's God money. God's. Why would I worry about what I have or don't have? This is an area I have really wanted to test God in. It's no surprise our budget is tight but I so want to step up our giving. If it's adding another child we sponsor or supporting a church or missionary I don't want to be tied down to the evil beast of money. I don't want to test God in order to sow a TBN seed but I really believe that God can continue to provide even if we give away the little excess we have.

Vs 17:
I know, my God, that you test the heart and are pleased with integrity. All these things I have given willingly and with honest intent. And now I have seen with joy how willingly your people who are here have given to you.

I really like the word integrity. I think it's something many of us lack, myself included. It's easy to lack integrity in the small things. In the things that are just slightly shades of gray. I pray that God would reveal to me the areas of my life that I lack integrity. The areas I'm blind too and the areas I'm trying to just skate by. I want to pass off to my children a legacy rooted in integrity.


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Remember the time I bought a pack of those nose maker blower horn things because I thought it would be fun for the kids? Yea well it would have been wiser to shove bamboo shoots up my own finger nails. The noise makes my eyeballs want to pop out of my own skull. Just for an added bonus my Lukeypotomus shoved one down his throat today while bouncing around and it just may have won us a ticket to the doctor tomorrow. Why didn't I throw those blasted things away the moment I realized my grave error? Because I'm a prideful fool and I wanted to prove that I could be a mom who is fine with her children blowing horns made by the devil himself.

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Monday, March 21, 2011

DAY 244: 1 CHR 28

Just got knocked over the head with exhaustion so we 'll see how long this will last. Really wanted to go to the Arbo today but decided to do the "right" thing and stay home to do laundry, pick up and prepare for Shelter. As always prepping did not go as planned. Came home from Shelter tonight and house still looks awful. Despite the obvious sign of any dents being made I know I made the right choice. God will provide other opportunities for face painting and a walk through the flowers.

My inability to invest the time I feel needed to be a "good" Shelter leader keeps being thwarted. As other leaders are giving art assignments and doing other such creative things it's hard not to feel like a complete slacker. I may feel that way but the truth is this is not about me. God told me to lead, I was willing and He keeps showing up week after week. Jesus is setting my sweet sisters free and I'm so thankful to be on this journey of freedom with them!

In other non freedom news shame and guilt has been racking my brain as far as finances. If only I was more frugal we'd have more money to give. If only I was more frugal we'd have more money to save. If only I was more frugal we'd be able to yada, yada, yada. God's not going to meet our needs because I'm so foolish at spending money. I know exactly where all this dog dung is coming from. Put myself out there for the BB talk and I'm in the thick of Shelter. I'm wearing a ginormous target. Target or not I'm choosing to close my ears to the constant barrage of shameful thoughts. I could be a better steward of our resources and God is the one who can continue to help me to grow in this area. God isn't going to let us all starve because I bought cheeze itz and fruit snacks.

In other Shelter news, I still am having anxiety driving alone in a car at night. I can almost feel someone pressed up against me. I'm assuming this has something to do with the memory I have as a little kid being in a car. Can't see any faces. Doesn't make any sense. Don't consider myself to be a very anxious person so not a big fan of feeling anxious. This will sound entirely gross BUT I feel like I have this big cyst of memory that just needs to be squeezed out. It's just right under the surface.

1 CHR 28:
Really really tired now so just going to focus on this verse briefly.

Vs 5:
Of all my sons—and the lord has given me many—he has chosen my son Solomon to sit on the throne of the kingdom of the lord over Israel.

Solomon. The product of a marriage bore out of infidelity and murder. Of course it would be this son out of all of David's sons to be the next king of Israel. Isn't that just how God is though? He takes our messy sin and turns it into something beautiful. He is willing to use us and our messy brokenness as part of His beautiful plan of redemption. I LOVE this about our God. I love that He is so contrary to human wisdom and understanding. I love that He defies logic. In my scandalous and rebellious ways I love how God flips us over on our heads to proclaim His crazy amazing love to each of us. So thankful for a God who is willing to go to great extremes, even death on a rugged cross, to gather us to Himself!

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You know you're a boy mom when seeing a soap dispenser that has a mysterious yellow tint strikes fear in your heart.

Sunday, March 20, 2011

DAY 243: 1 CHR 25-27

Can't get enough of this weather!! It's perfect in every way. Too tired to ramble much tonight. Overall today was a success. Feel my foes shame and guilt creeping which I'll try to elaborate more on tomorrow. Not surprising they have shown up to party. It's amazing what gets thrown at you when you put yourself out there. Bring it!! I'm on the winning team sucka!!

1 CHR 25:
This chapter is on the division of the musicians. This verse stuck out to me the most.

Vs 8:
Young and old alike, teacher as well as student, cast lots for their duties.

It doesn't matter how old or how young we are or what life stage we might be in God can use us for His glory if we're willing. God uses my kids daily to teach me. I want them to embrace 1 Timothy 4:12.

1 CHR 26:
List of gatekeepers, treasurers and other officials. Verse 5 is right up BrownTown's ally.

Vs 5:
Ammiel the sixth,
Issachar the seventh
and Peullethai the eighth.
(For God had blessed Obed-Edom.)

Here's a list of all Obed-Edom's sons and it says for God had blessed him. It really tears at my heart the way children are not viewed as blessings. How can so many parents miss out on the blessing right in front of their faces? How do I miss out on it daily? Tonight even the littles were hyper and I was more concerned with my to do list than with enjoying them. I hate the never ending to do list!! I would have missed out on some pretty sweet time if I had continued to focus on myself. They are amazing!!

1 CHR 27:
Army divisions, leaders of the tribes and the kinds overseers.


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Saturday, March 19, 2011

DAY 242: 1 CHR 24

This weather is phenomenal!! I'm so thankful for a God who would so graciously bless us with days like today. I'm ready to get some events rocking on our street this spring.

1 CHR 24:
The priests were divided up by casting lots to be assigned to different roles. I think I could totally get into casting lots and/or using the Urim and Thummin. I would be casting lots to make decisions all the time. Sometimes I think I'm pretty deaf to God's direction. For certain things I feel the path that God has us on is pretty obvious but on other things it's harder to hear His voice. That's probably when I need to clear away the clutter of busyness so that I make the soul space to listen. Maybe I'll cast lots to figure out what clutter needs to go.


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Friday, March 18, 2011

DAY 241: 1 CHR 23

Braved the zoo today with 7 kiddos. I LOVE having a gaggle of kids around! Seriously love it!! It was so good getting to spend some fun together as a family.

This morning I ran to the store and when I got back Abbie was eating and taking care of her African baby. My heart aches to bring home our son and (hopefully) daughter. Growing frustrated sitting in limbo. Patience in waiting for the answer on big things like this is so not my strong suit. That's probably why it's a good thing for me.

1 CHR 23:
David passes on the throne to Solomon. He makes preparations for his son to take over. Part of this includes giving the Levites new marching orders. Their role was centered around caring for a mobile tabernacle. With a permanent home and a Temple being built the same roles and duties didn't apply in the same way. David obviously consulted God about these new lists of duties.
As my goes in and out of seasons and into new stages I need to be on my knees about what serving and my roles should look like. A new season is rapidly approaching with Abbie becoming a kindergardener in fall. I need to spend some considerable time asking God where He would have me focus my time and energy on. I think there's a part of me that fears what He will say. Yet, walking outside of God's desire for my life is a big fat waste! His plans for my life are so much better than the my meager plans.

Verse 30 is what I needed to read today.

"They were also to stand every morning to thank and praise the lord. They were to do the same in the evening"

It's been fun getting a chance to reflect over where God has taken me and my relationship with my husband over the last 8 or so years. I've most definitely grown closer to God and I'm fired up about the path God has me on. I still am such a work in progress through. Verse 30 is something that would have a huge impact on my life. To rise early and thank God for all that He has done for me and to end my day doing the same. I take His abundant blessing for granted. How much more would my heart be connected to God if I did choose to thank God for the thousands of gifts He bestows on me everyday? What another amazing way to get the focus off myself and put it back on Him.


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Thursday, March 17, 2011

DAY 240: 1 CHR 22

Me and 5:30 don't dance very often for a reason. I'm whooped!! Thanks for all who were praying for me today. Talk went well. I miss teaching about JC so it was fun getting an opportunity to do that today. There were definitely several times today when my words were not my own. Very thankful that I didn't get the time I wanted to prepare. It was never supposed to be about my words. Very grateful for the opportunity.

1 CHR 22:
David begins to make preparations for Solomon to build the Temple. I really feel like this is my role in this life, to make preparations for my children. Our homes should be a training ground for our children. I always wanted to be a world changer but I get the sense that the way I'll impact this world is by preparing my children to be bold spiritual champions. I don't know if all of our children will be radical but I get the sense that at least a couple of them will be. I have no desire to churn out kids that will be successful in the eyes of this world. I desire to mold my children to be willing to uphold the sake of Christ at all cost. My flesh is not fired up about "at all cost" but in my spirit I know this is where life can be found! So thankful for each of you holding me accountable to breathing in God's Word daily. I'm completely sunk without it!!


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Wednesday, March 16, 2011


Watching my Brownies sleep melts my heart every single time. It doesn't matter if my children threw the most massive ear shattering fit only hours before or destroyed most of the house that day watching them sleep erases everything. I'm pretty confident this is the reason why God created us with a need for sleep. He needed to watch us sleep so His anger over our wicked ways and idolatry would subside. What do your kids do that makes your heart go wild for them?

DAY 239: 1 CHR 21

Well, tomorrow is the guilt talk and I've yet to have a chance to prep for my talk. This is most definitely not my ideal but it is what it is. This week has been a great reminder that tomorrow is so not about me. It never was and i pray that as i grow closer to Christ less and less will be about me.

1 CHR 21:
David sins. He looses his sight on God and decides to rely on and operate out of his own strength. He chooses to go against wise council and has really chosen to walk on his own path. This chapter is interesting because once David is faced with his sin the Lord allows him to pick his own consequence. David can choose 3 yrs of famine, 3 months of war or 3 days of the Lord's plague. This is David's response which I love.

Vs 13:
David said to Gad, "I am very upset! I prefer to be attacked by the Lord, for his mercy is very great; I do not want to be attacked by men!"

That's a man who knows his God!! Would really love to elaborate on this chapter but must get ready for tomorrow. I'll end with this.

Vs 15:
God sent an angel to ravage Jerusalem. As he was doing so, the Lord watched and relented from his judgment. He told the angel who was destroying, "That's enough! Stop now!"
Now the Lord's angel was standing near the threshing floor of Ornan the Jebusite.

David deserved the consequence yet the Lord relented in His judgement. That is a God of mercy! David knew that so well. How can you not just fall in love with our Savior?

And I'm out!


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Tuesday, March 15, 2011


Sometimes when I can't sleep and my hubster is snoring loudly, I make videos of him. I listen to them later for a good laugh. Oddly enough I find his occasional locomotive snore much more amusing than irritating. What are some things that you find amusing about your spouse that others might find annoying?

DAY 238: 1 CHR 20

This weather makes my heart sing. It is the most wonderful time of the year. Spent the morning with a good friend and her kiddos at the park. Took the neighbor kids along with us again. I love having a van full of kids!! LOVE it! Good thing we didn't get the 15 passenger because I would have that thing loaded with kids. Rockin 14 kids solo with my Brownies being so young probably wouldn't be the best right now but I look forward to a time when that will be possible. LOVE IT!!

Getting excited about speaking on Thursday. Haven't had a chance to really work on my talk yet but got some things floating around in my head that will hopefully come together. God has done a great work in me in regards to guilt and shame so I look forward to sharing what God has been teaching me. So thankful the work in me is not done and God continues to change me to be the woman He created me to be. 

1 CHR 20:
I'm going to cheese out a bit today. This chapter is short and what I read in commentary is something so great it is my sticking point today.

Vs 1:
In the spring, at the time when kings normally conduct wars, Joab led the army into battle and devastated the land of the Ammonites. He went and besieged Rabbah, while David stayed in Jerusalem. Joab defeated Rabbah and tore it down.

This is referring to the time when David should have gone to lead his people into battle but instead stayed back and got into his whole Bathsheba mess. The rest of the chapter talks about the Ammonites defeat and Goliath's bro's that were killed. One small detour on Goliath's bro's that were killed. David lead out on this. The small shepherd boy inspired David's mighty men. If a small boy can kill a giant, what can a grown man who is fired up for God do too?  Our acts of faith and obedience are used by God to spur on our brothers and sisters in Christ. Our actions of obedience and sun for that natter make bigger ripples than we can ever even imagine. Our obedience to God has just as much to do with God wanting us to use us for His grand plan for us all, than His plan just for our lives. We are far too focused just on ourselves and the impact it will have for just us. 

Okay back to David staying in Jerusalem. Here's what I read in commentary today:

ii. "Beware of moments and hours of ease. It is in these that we most easily fall into the power of Satan. The sultriest summer days are most laden with blight. . . . If we cannot fill our days with our own matters, there is always plenty to be done for others. . . . Watch and pray in days of vacation and ease, even more than at other times." (Meyer)

iii. "There is nothing more full of subtle danger in the life of any servant of God than that he should remain inactive when the enterprises of God demand that he be out on the fields of conflict." (Morgan)

In my flesh I want ease. I want to have every day be a wonderful spring day. It's in the pain and the hardship and the turmoil that grows us closer to Christ. I want to run screaming from any kind of suffering but God in His goodness uses our hardship to grow us to be more like Him.


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Monday, March 14, 2011


Dear God,

Thank you for an amazing spring day filled with beautiful friends and your wonderful redemption. I truly stand in awe how you make ALL things beautiful.

Your Daughter

DAY 237: 1 CHR 19

Great day today! Ran this morning for the first time in years with a sweet friend and came back to start the day off with breakfast with the family. Hated getting up early but so beyond worth it! Loaded up my Brownies and some neighbor kids and headed to Chicken Play to meet another one of my beautiful friends. She graciously bought lunch not only for my kids but for my neighbors kids too. Who does that!? She would totally shrug that off as nothing too because that's just the kind of woman she is. Then I had the pleasure of hearing her and her son recite scripture. Powerful! Goose bumps everywhere. I was totally spurred on to ditch the excuses and hide God's word in my heart.

While at chicken play my sweet precious daughter loved on a little girl who was being mean to other kids in the play area. Abbie told the little girl kindly that what she was doing wasn't nice. Then she went to find out why the girl was feeling so bad. The little girl told Abbie that she had had a bad dream and didn't sleep well and it was making her grumpy. Abbie prayed for her and befriended her. Could not be more proud of my little girl!! The fruit is so incredibly sweet. My baby girl schools me on how to love others. Totally taught by God's precious little ones today.

Tonight Shelter was powerful! I never thought I would come back from a night of Shelter feeling fired up but tonight it happened. I really feel like this semester is a gracious gift from God. To witness first hand, God reclaiming the lives of His daughters is amazing! My God is a powerful God and He truly does exchange ashes for beauty. I am beyond honored and blessed to be apart of growing with these women. Freedom sweet precious freedom!! Makes me so sad that many of God's children choose to live bound by chains. Christ's blood flowed down to snap the chains that bind. Let us all run after the beautiful gift of freedom that Christ has claimed for each of us!!

I feel silly writing this after writing about freedom but in the name of authenticity I desire to bear all. On Saturday during Memory Box I had my first panic attack. Have no idea what brought it on but I think something from one of the girls stories triggered me. Freaked me out. Thought I was disassociating and or going crazy. Hope to never experience such a thing again but at least I know what it is next time. Getting closer to the muck but Jesus is blessing every single step of the way!!

1 CHR 19:
The Ammonite king dies and his son takes over the thrown. David sends messengers to give his condolences. The new king was foolish and due to his advisors thought the men were spies. He shaves off their beards and cuts their robes at the waste and sends them back to Israel. This is an act of completely shaming these men.
This leads to war. The biggest thing I see out of this is that making assumptions and acting out of them is foolish. We should always go to the source and ask instead of assuming somebody's heart. This is so contrary to what i want to do in my flesh. I want to be like the foolish Ammonite King and start "wars" that could have been avoided if I hadn't been foolish.

Loved this verse and makes me think about Shelter as well as doing our part to fight for freedom!

Vs 13:
Be strong! Let's fight bravely for the sake of our people and the cities of our God! The Lord will do what he decides is best!"

Be strong my brothers and sisters!! Let us fight bravely for the freedom Christ bought for us on the cross! Let us fight to strip off the baggage of hurts, habits and hang ups that hinder us! Let us fight against the twisted lies of the evil one and let us cling to the sweet precious truth of God!


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You know you're a boy mom when you have to remind your child that the backyard is not a toilet and that it's not okay to keep your pants off after going potty, especially when neighbors are over.

Sunday, March 13, 2011

DAY 236: 1 CHR 18

Today wasn't much for Sabbath. I'm confident there is a way to mix in Sabbath while taking four kids under the age of 6 to the grocery store but I've yet to figure it out. I think I got a "you've got your hands full" comment on every aisle. For the life of me I can't figure out why. Maybe because of the two rowdy boys wrestling in the cart. Nah, couldn't be that.

Still fighting the Brownie Flu and grocery shopping zapped me. Dreaded doing story telling and wee joyce tonight. I wont lie. I'm never really fired up about doing it. I'm always so glad I did by the end. I got to tell 50 to 100ish kids that Jesus loves them tonight. Seriously, how awesome is that?

For lent I was going to give up all drinks other than water. Already ditched that. I decided detoxing off caffeine is the very last thing I want to do during Shelter. I'm committing to staying away from alcoholic beverages, which isn't something that will impact me all that much, but that's what I got. I hate how lame this sounds but I don't feel like I have enough emotional energy left over to focus on working on self control and discipline. It's hard enough not shoving my pie hole full of brownies right now.

Things with me and God are pretty low tide right now. I think the difference I feel now than I have felt in the past is that is He willing to patiently sit with me. I'm not running the other way and I definitely still want to be yielded to His spirit leading me, our heart strings just aren't fully connected right now. I know that has everything to do with me but I'm so thankful to be able to know He's by my side waiting for me to freely and wrecklessly fall into His arms once more.

I realized something yesterday. It's been so hard for me to receive love from others. My heart has been so guarded that I think gestures in the past that were truly loving were hard for me to let sink in. It's getting easier to let people in and let me tell ya it's pretty dang awesome to be loved on!

1 CHR 17:
Chronicles has been a dry read for my heart. I keep looking for the comfort that I get from Philippians, Ephesians, or any of the Pauline letters. I keep coming up empty handed. Tonight this verse struck me the most.

Vs 14:
David reigned over all Israel; he guaranteed justice for all his people.

At first glance I loved the thought of David pursuing justice for God's people. Then I thought about it and he did a pretty horrible job pursuing justice for his family. Where was the justice for Tamar? What about the way he dealt with his wild boys? I wonder how much the guilt and shame over his adultery with Bathsheba and killing Uriah caused him to be ineffective at disciplining his boys. I could see how a parent's shame over mistakes they made in the past can cause them to be passive in their children's lives.

This book in the bible definitely points out God's faithfulness. God told Israel that if they would walk in His ways, He would bless them abundantly. Although Israel wasn't exactly living in a time of peace, God caused them to be victorious and prosperous. David lead Israel to walk in the ways of the Lord and Israel was mightily blessed. God's promises are never empty and I'm so very thankful for that!


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Saturday, March 12, 2011

DAY 235: 1 CHR 17

I don't even know where to begin with today. Today was amazing, scary, encouraging, confusing and everything in-between. Wish I could elaborate but still processing it all. Before the day even began though a sweet couple in my CG offered up their home for us to meet. Hospitality and love spread out for me and other women they didn't know. For someone who has gone most of her life feeling completely unloveable the gesture went beyond more than the K's will probably ever know. I know most if not all the women joining me in their home today can relate to feeling the same way.

I'm going to keep this brief since I've not yet had a chance to connect with my amazingly supportive hubster today.

1 CHR 17:
David wants to build God a temple but God tells David that he is not the one who will build it. God gives David this picture of his future legacy. How his dynasty will be never ending.

Vs 26:
Now, O Lord, you are the true God; you have made this good promise to your servant.

This verse stands out to me tonight. You have made this good promise. I feel like God has promised to fully heal and restore me. Tonight as I'm slightly confused and feeling kinda crazy I'm holding onto the good promise that God has made. So thankful God is willing to walk with me every step of the way.


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Friday, March 11, 2011

DAY 234: 1 CHR 16

Woke up at 6 this morning feeling awful. My headache brought some fun friends to play last night; sore throat, pounding sinuses and fatigue. Really wanted to have a fun day today with the family. Tomorrow will be 6 hrs of heaviness and wanted my tank full going into Memory Box Saturday. Keep trying to rally but my body is not cooperating. Today is gorgeous too which makes it even harder to want to rest. Completely frustrating but I am so thankful for good health. Paul woke up this morning coughing so hard he started puking, in our bed, so rest is probably good for all. 

1 CHR 16:
The ark is "home" safe and David assigns different roles to the Levites to minister and take care of the ark. David also writes a song to be used in worship. So many great verses in it so will hit a few of them.

Vs 10:
Boast about his holy name! 
Let the hearts of those who seek the Lord rejoice!

I do not boast about His holy name enough. This a key part I miss out on. If I did boast of His name talking to my neighbors and other people would be easy. In fact, I couldn't keep from talking about God. I want this kind of relationship with God! I want to continually boast about who my God is! Let the hearts of those who seek the Lord rejoice. I definitely experience times of this but most often I spend more time focused on myself and my circumstances to rejoice. We are to live a joy filled life. Why am I not living this out on a regular basis? The thief comes to kill, steal and destroy but Jesus has come to give us abundant life. I want to stop letting the thief steal the most abundant life God has to offer me.

Vs 11:
Seek the Lord and the strength he gives! 
Seek his presence continually!

Seek the Lord and the strength he gives. When I walk in self reliance I miss out on seeking the Lord and the strength He gives. Im done with wanting to do life out of my own strength. His strength is right there for me to tap into if I'd only just seek Him! 

Seek His presence continually. I think my grasp on God is still jacked up. If it wasn't then there would be nothing that could keep me from seeking His presence continually. Why wouldn't I continually want to taste and see that the Lord is good? I want to live a life where I continually seek his presence and his strength by walking each step with the Lord. There's no way to do this if I'm not willing to clear out some of the busyness to let Him in. I'm convinced busyness is one of the biggest things that robs us of being in His presence.

Love how David's passion for the Lord oozes out in the Psalms. I want to know the Lord as well as David did. I want my heart to sing and rejoice continually over who God is and what He has done in my life and the lives of others that I know.


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Thursday, March 10, 2011

DAY 233: 1 CHR 15

Loving the chore charts and family schedule so far. It's all pretty loose which fits my style but helps give me a grounding point when I get lost on what to do next. Had another successful trip to the library with the kids by myself. I prefer the library during the day since I'm not the only one with kids running around. Luke was even a little better since last time I strapped his disobedient booty to the stroller. Overall good day despite allergies on crack. How can beautiful days like these be filled with such evilness?

1 CHR 15:
David takes another attempt at bringing the ark to the city of David.

Vs 13:
The first time you did not carry it; that is why the Lord God attacked us, because we did not ask him about the proper way to carry it."

I love how David refuses to live in insanity. He messed up the first time but instead of repeating his mistake over and over he learned. David was angry with God but then David realized the error of his ways. David didn't sit in anger and bitterness towards God and allow it to keep him separated from God.

Just like the last attempt there is sacrifices going on, musical instruments galore and lots of celebrating and excitement. David dances before the Lord and his wife Michal is not too happy about it.

Vs 29:
As the ark of the Lord's covenant entered the City of David, Michal, Saul's daughter, looked out the window. When she saw King David jumping and celebrating, she despised him.

I do not want to be this kind of wife. I want to encourage my husband and help spur him on to a closer relationship with Christ. I know I can be just like Michal at times and really for no good reason. I want to be my hubsters biggest fan. I want to help breath life into him by speaking strong encouraging words not destructive words. God help me be a wife that is a blessing to my husband and not the kind of foolish wife that tears her husband down.


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This is a picture of Luke eating his number two birthday candle. Somehow this seemed appropriate for how I'm feeling about all things adoption right now. It seems like bad news keeps rolling in email after email. Our agency is still under investigation in Ethiopia. I am confident that our agency has never lacked integrity but this limbo is maddening. News has gotten worse as Ethiopia is changing some of it's policy. It's unknown if the change will be temporary or permanent. Either way more slow downs as far as bringing home our son goes. We were hoping to have him home by the end of 2011 but Joshua could very well be a preschooler or older before we have our son home.

We are willing to wait five, ten, twenty years to bring home our son and hopefully one day a daughter too. I'll do blasted paperwork over and over again as it expires year after year. We have a son who is Ethiopian that belongs in our family and we'll jump through fifty hoops if we have to in order to bring him home. In the meantime we know we want to continue to expand our family. Please pray for us as we try to wait patiently and figure out what our next move should be. Also, more than that please pray for the orphans in Ethiopia whose lives will be impacted by the change in Ethiopian policy. Pray that corruption would be wiped out but those sweet children in need would be placed in loving forever families.


Dear Spring Headache,

Why do you have to be the wet blanket on my favorite time of year? Keep it up and I'll move back to Portland.


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Wednesday, March 09, 2011


My sweet little Brownies are so proud of their new chore charts. Wonder if they will be so wild about them tomorrow when they get implemented. These charts were inspired by my friend Mel and I've been wanting to make some ever since I saw some hanging up on her wall. Hoping this meager attempt to organize our family actually works. Will let you know! Would love to hear what's one way you keep your family organized?

DAY 232: 1 CHR 14

Ah. Sleep glorious sleep, it does a body good!  Got some chore charts and a loose schedule printed for our Brownies and our family. Feels good to get something accomplished. My feet stick to the floor and the kitchen counter tops are scary but I got those dang charts done! 

Rough afternoon with my Abster.  She keeps making decisions that break the rules. When she decides that she is going to make decisions like an adult I give her more adult responsibility like folding laundry and extra chores. She doesn't like it so hopefully it will start curbing some of the behavior. 

The irony of her self reliant choices are not lost on me. I like her choose to be God and rule over my life all the time. It never goes well with me when I choose to be my own God. I really want her to learn this. Hopefully, it will save her some heartache in the long run.

1 CHR 14:
The Philistines hear David is king of Israel and they are hacked.  They march up against David and David asks the Lord what he should do. The Lord tells David and the Philistines were defeated. David gives God all the credit for the victory.  The character quality that I keep seeing come up in David is humility. David was incredibly passionate about God and he had a teachable and humble spirit. David obviously had his sin struggles but he never acted like he had it all figured out. Considering the fact that David was called a man after God's own heart it's pretty clear what God thinks about a humble spirit. This makes me want to rip out every ounce of pride in my being.  Pride is the perfect breeding ground for all kinds of sin.

The Philistines attacked again and David once again asked God for direction. God tells David to take a different plan of attack and the Israelites are victorious once again. David never gets cocky and thinks he's got things covered. If only David would have asked God for direction on the "little" things like raising his kids or selecting his wife.  It's easier to ask for God's help on the big things but harder to remember to ask for direction and help on the little things.

Loved Vs 15:
When you hear the sound of marching in the tops of the trees, then attack. For at that moment the Lord is going before you to strike down the army of the Philistines."

The Lord is going before you to strike down the army. The Lord does go before us and it's so comforting to remember that. We don't have to fight our battles alone. The Lord suits up for battle and fights right along with us. 

Vs 18:
So David became famous in all the lands; the Lord caused all the nations to fear him.

It's so easy for me to get prideful over silly things. Anything good that happens in my life or good I'm able to do is all because of Christ. It's so easy to take the credit but all the credit belongs to God. All good things come from God not because we're awesome or deserve it. It's blessing that is rained down on us from the Father above. I so easily forget this. Great reminder today!


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Tuesday, March 08, 2011

DAY 231: 1 CHR 13

I'm an exhausted, crabby mess with a crazy headache. I'd like to think I worked myself into this as the day wore on but woke up this way and was never able to shake the headache or crabbiness. Hate days like this. Really hate them. My kids annoyed me today and I had to force myself to let them hang on me and sit in my lap today. Having four kiddos with a headache from the pits of hell is no cake walk.

I need some Tylenol pm induced sleep and a big fat daddy nap tomorrow. I can tell lack of sleep is affecting the clarity of my thinking. Last night as I struggled to get some sleep I read a blog of a woman who had been ritualistically abused. Horror upon horrors. I have to admit I'm pretty angry at God today. He would allow this kind of torture to happen. Little girls die of cancer yet nothing happens to evil people like this? Why doesn't he wipe these sickos off the face of the planet before they can cause this amount of pain and harm? Why? I completely do not get this but I know that God is good and He will use ALL things for His glory.

1 CHR 13:
David plans to bring the ark of the covenant to the City of David. Saul did what he thought was best during his reign without consulting the Lord so David wanted God as the heartbeat of everything that Israel did. The ironic thing about this is that David consults everyone else on this but God Himself. I can see how David easily missed this. I'm guilty myself! It's easy to get fired up about doing something good or something for God without ever taking the time to ask God what He thinks about it. This is always a big mistake.

In everybody's zeal to bring the ark back they forget the instructions God had given the Israelites for transporting the ark. This was so great from commentary and completely applies to being a Christian in America.

"The Philistines transported the ark on a cart in 1 Samuel 6:10-11. They got away with it because they were Philistines, but God expected more from His people. Israel was to take their example from God's Word, not from the innovations of the Philistines. "Israel got into difficulties because they failed to recognize that worship of the true God meant they could no longer simply follow contemporary pagan practices." (Selman)

I think as Christians in today's climate it's so easy to be wooed to follow "contemporary pagan practices".  There seemed to be nothing wrong with transporting the ark on a brand new cart but it was disobedience.  What are the things in my life that are the cart?  There are so many things out there that seem so good but all they are, are distractions and they draw us away from what's really important.

The Israelites are transporting the ark and there is much rejoicing going all around. Musicians are everywhere playing their instruments and people everywhere are overcome with excitement over the ark. Uzzah puts his hand on the ark to keep it from falling and the Lord is furious and He kills him instantly. Talk about a buzz kill. Here the people thought they were doing this for God but when you are disobedient and leave God out of the equation it's really about you and was never really about God to begin with.  It's so easy to do this in ministry, serving others, or whatever. It's starts off as a great idea but then turns into something ugly. I'm thankful that God is willing to be a buzz kill to get my attention sometimes.

I really needed to read this verse today.
Vs 11:
David was angry because the Lord attacked Uzzah; so he called that place Perez Uzzah, which remains its name to this very day.

I am so thankful that God is okay with his children being angry at Him. God can handle our anger and would rather us be honest about it than fake it. It's okay for us to be angry but it's not okay to sin in our anger. Today I sinned in my anger. Frankly, I didn't want to have much to do with God today. I decided to walk in my own strength and walk in my own ways. Today was suckfest but it didn't have to be. I'm pretty confident today would have been difficult either way but I know when I choose to walk with God He can easily make my most difficult days, good days.


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DAY 230: 1 CHR 12

I won't fake it. Tried to read this chapter but feel disconnected and can't get my head out of the fog.

Driving home from Shelter tonight I felt like I could have jumped out of my skin. Still feeling that way. The vague snapshots in my head are driving me crazy. I want to remember but at the same time, I feel like I might come unglued if I do.

1 CHR 12:
At the end of this chapter David is finally crowned king. David has been in exile running from Saul who wants to kill him. Saul finally dies but it still takes 7 more years until David is crowned king. When he finally does become king David has tons of people backing him up. He never forced his kingship on the people, they were completely ready for David to be king.

I didn't see this story of restoration in my first pass through. David faced some pretty dark times. I'm sure there were plenty of times when he thought back on his anointing and wondered if it would ever come to fruition. Right now I totally get this. I feel just about 5 shades of crazy with all this "things I can't remember" nonsense. I hate even writing about it because what if I'm just being that, crazy.

Just like David was restored and a big feast was thrown I too will be. There is such great hope in that!!

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Monday, March 07, 2011


Four years ago I birthed this kid in under two hours and my husband caught him. He's been intense and passionate since the first day his lungs breathed air for the first time. Nobody has been more effective at spreading joy in BrownTown like this kid. On the contrary, nobody has been able to spread a case of the grumps around like this boy either.

Jonathan Paul Brown you are one of the most passionate people I have ever met. Your zeal for life inspires me. Your intensity sharpens me. I love your heart for justice and your desire to be a super hero. You love hard and you play hard. I pray that as you continue to grow, you will put your trust in God and that you will learn to channel your passion and your zeal for Him. God has big plans for you buddy. I can not express to you how much I love you and how proud of you I am. May God bless your fourth year of life abundantly!


You know you're a girl mom if there are more baby dolls, than eggs in your ovaries, residing in your home.

Sunday, March 06, 2011


Dear Lukeypotomus,

You dance to the beat of your own drum. At times it makes me want to rip all of my hair out. Most of the time it makes me laugh and so proud that I get to be your Momma.

I Love You Son!


I realize today is actually Sunday but sometimes Sunday's need a little silly in them too. Saw this glorious sight will driving home with my mom from the grocery store. I was so thankful for the red-light that allowed me to snap a picture of this beaut. Surprised I didn't get in a wreck from laughing so hard. Hope you enjoy it as much as I did.

DAY 229: 1 CHR 11

Overwhelmed is a good word for the morning. I felt it's icy grip around my throat wanting to pull me down. My breath wanting to stop in my chest looking around at all the piled up to do's. How will it ever all get done? How? I want to bow under the crushing weight of overwhelmed. 

A simple conversation with my husband and I reminded that this life is not about the growing piles of laundry, dishes, clutter and a never ending to do lists. Am I embracing the simple joys God has so abundantly blessed me with? Am I embracing the treasure of knowing God? He is my reward, am I living as if I truly believe that? Another morning spent walking in my own strength. Didn't I just read about the pitfalls of that just yesterday? My heart is slow to learn but it is renewed. Once again restored to the focus my life should have, I remember this life, this gift of today is not about me. I want to drink from the water of life today and not grow thirsty. I want to eat the bread of life that will quench all my hungry desires. 

Sweet beautiful Sabbath where my soul is quieted and I remember all the things I worry about are taken care of. I don't have to have the perfect plan or worry about what tomorrow will bring. He holds it all together in His hands.  All I have to do is choose to take one step at a time with Him. It's easy. It's simple and the burden is light. Why do I so easily forget and make it hard? 

1 CHR 11:
I didn't want to read this chapter today. My soul has felt parched and I wanted the soothing balm of some New Testament. To read some encouragement from Paul or hear the words of Jesus Himself. I stuck with 1 Chronicles and ran into this beauty.

Vs 9:
"David's power steadily grew, for the Lord who commands armies was with him."

The Lord who commands armies was with him and if walk in His ways, He is with us as well. The Lord who commands armies here on earth and His heavenly army. If this is true what then do I need to worry about or fear? The Lord, the great I AM, walks with us. I need to stop trying to walk alone.

Vs 10:
These were the leaders of David's warriors who helped establish and stabilize his rule over all Israel, in accordance with the Lord's word.

God blessed David with leaders who helped establish and stabilize his rule over Israel. God never makes us do life alone. I love how He blesses us with sweet friendships to spur us on. Sitting in church tonight I couldn't help but be so incredibly thankful for the precious blessing of friendship. 

The rest of the chapter are the names of David's mighty men and their feats of strength. These men were like real live superheros.  I wonder if these guys grew up hearing the tale of how little David defeated Goliath. They didn't question whether or not they were man enough to get the job done, they trusted that God would allow them to prevail. Can't wait to read this stuff to my boys.

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Saturday, March 05, 2011

DAY 228: 1 CHR 9&10

Sleep is imperative tonight or at least a nap tomorrow. If this mission is not accomplished you just might see me going around on Monday quacking like a duck or something else equally bizarre. Been having a hard time connecting with God this week. I'm so tired that I can't break out of a foggy headed state. I need tomorrow to truly be a Sabbath.

1 CHR 9:
More genealogy. Seriously having the hardest time making it compute. I did see this repeated several times in the past couple chapters.

Vs 9:
"Their relatives, listed in their genealogical records, numbered 956. All these men were leaders of their families."

All these men were leaders of their families. Maybe they were leaders by name but doubtful they were all leaders by the truest definition of the word. Even David a man after God's own heart could have used some pointers in leading his family. As for me, if I truly desire Les to be the leader of our family I have to sometimes take a step back and let him. Today is still a very fresh example in my head of letting loose my grip and letting the man who God placed as the head of our family lead. This is not an easy thing to do. I tend to let go and then try to grab back the reigns and then slowly let go again. My struggle with indecision and my desire to make the most perfect decision drives both of us crazy.

1 CHR 10:
This chapter recounts the events of Saul's death. The chapter ends with this.

Vs 13:
"So Saul died because he was unfaithful to the Lord and did not obey the Lord's instructions; he even tried to conjure up underworld spirits."

Saul didn't start out this way. When he was first anointed as king he was solid and grounded in his faith. Eventually Saul was more concerned about being able to glorify himself by the position as king instead of trying to use it to glorify God. His flesh kicked into self preservation mode and his pride blinded him from being able to see his sin. God tells us that if we walk in His ways and obey Him that it will go well with us. It did not go well for Saul. His stiff necked disobedience and hard heartedness cost him and his defendants the throne in the long run.

Vs 14:
"He did not seek the Lord's guidance, so the Lord killed him and transferred the kingdom to David son of Jesse."

He did not seek the Lord's guidance. I go about my days so often without seeking the Lord's guidance. I like Saul get stuck on my own self reliance. My days would be much sweeter if I would stop and ask God for guidance in the big things as well as the little things.


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Friday, March 04, 2011

DAY 227: 1 CHR 6-8

I think I could fall asleep standing up today. Fingers crossed my kids sleep in freakishly late tomorrow morning. We had the boy party tonight. Definitely a different party but still not as insane as I had envisioned. Our neighbors showed up and that was great. Abbie was beside herself that her new friend Catelyn showed up.

Overcome today by how much I love these little people living in my house. Woke up with our three boys in our bed and couldn't help but reflect on how incredibly blessed I am. Hate that I allow some days to go by with out really seeing the beauty in my children.

1 CHR 6-8:
I've got toothpicks holding my eyelids open and I gotta be honest I'm not pulling out anything big on these chapters. I know there are beautiful things hidden for me to find if I would really dig through these verses. The condition of my brain is just not able to compute anymore genealogy. I do find it interesting that sometimes women's names are mentioned but most of the time they are not. Also, some tribes are way more in-depth than others. Really not much I was able to pull from here.


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Thursday, March 03, 2011

DAY 226: 1 CHR 5

Spent the entire morning at the park today. I love Heights Park and I LOVE spring. The combination today was good food for the soul. This afternoon a sweet neighborhood girl came over to play. Sadly, this is the first time this has happened. I've had kids over for neighborhood play group but this was the first time a kiddo has stopped by to play by them self. I've always had visions of having neighborhood kids over and serving them chocolate chip cookies and lemonade. Very excited about that becoming a reality!  Abbie is beside herself excited over her new friend Catelyn so very sweet deal. Her brother and dad stopped by for awhile too so it was fun having a house-full this afternoon.

1 CHR 5:
Ruben, Gad's and the half tribe of Manasseh's descendants. The chapter starts out with Ruben and it's pretty harsh.

Vs 1:
The sons of Reuben, Israel's firstborn – 
(Now he was the firstborn, but when he defiled his father's bed, his rights as firstborn were given to the sons of Joseph, Israel's son. So Reuben is not listed as firstborn in the genealogical records.

To have the rights of firstborn taken away was a big deal. The placing of this verse makes me believe that the impact of the consequence of Ruben's sin effected his descendants. I'm sure when he decided to choose his flesh over God, he had no idea what the far-reaching consequences would be.  What areas of sin do I have in my life that will have far reaching consequences if I'm not willing to throw it off? That's not a pleasant though and it makes me so thankful for community.

The chapter ends sad with these tribes turning away from God and worshipping idols and eventually God allowing Assyria to carry them away.


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Wednesday, March 02, 2011


Who knew Facebook would revolutionize the world of birthdays? I got birthday love all day long. Who wouldn't be wild about that!? Since I can't have chocolate cake this year this has been my favorite birthday indulgence. What's your favorite thing about birthdays?

DAY 225: 1 C 4

Today started off with me being weepy. Tonight I even let loose an ugly cry. Yuck! I know it's good but I HATE crying, that's why I gave it up. Somebody please tell me it eventually won't bother me as much. I'm keeping my fingers crossed on that one because I can see a whole lot of ugly cries in my future.

1 C 4:
Lineage of the tribes of Israel continues. There are a few verses of Jabez in here. All of us Mommas can get a good laugh at this verse.

Vs 9:
Jabez was more respected than his brothers. His mother had named him Jabez, for she said, "I experienced pain when I gave birth to him."

I'm surprised there aren't more Jabez's out there. The next verse is where the prayer of Jabez comes from.

Vs 10:
Jabez called out to the God of Israel, "If only you would greatly bless me and expand my territory! May your hand be with me! Keep me from harm so I might not endure pain!" God answered his prayer.

There's a sour taste in my mouth with all the Prayer of Jabez hoopla. This can lead so easily into the health, wealth and prosperity bit which is jacked up theology and gross. When I look at these two verses in the context of bible as a whole there's a couple things I see. Jabez was a man who walked with God. He was not lukewarm or caught up in some kind of man made religiosity. Jabez was the real deal and because he walked closely with God, His heart was aligned with God's. Jabez asked for these things not because it would glorify him but because ultimately it would glorify God. I want my prayer to reflect the same. I want to boldly go before God's throne but I want my prayer to begin to be much more about God's glory than it is about mine.


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DAY 224: 1 C 3

I am overwhelmed by God's provision and the ground He is taking in so many lives. The last two days I have been encouraged in so many ways. God is so faithful! You would think that I would be on a mountain top right now. I'm pretty spent. I would have paid a million dollars to have been able to stay in bed today at least for morning. I parented out of the last bucket most of the day and generally felt overwhelmed. My body is rebelling against the pace I want to go at right now. I seriously could rip out my own right tonsil which doesn't matter because my head just might explode first. Thanks to hormones I'm a grouchy mess too. Poor Les came home to Debbie Downer today. I have so much to be thankful for so I'm frustrated at being so blah. I'm a mess today but I'm so glad that God is not.

1 C 3:
This chapter is a list of David's lineage. I have to admit it's rather depressing. I'm still trying to reconcile how a man after God's own heart can have such a dysfunctional family. It seems like if you get the God thing right the rest should trickle down from there. In David's case he's got so much going for him but his lust for women really does a number on his family. As I read through the names I just read about in Kings I am just sad knowing how this family tree turns out. Yet in this broken mess will come the Messiah. Beauty for ashes. Even in this broken family tree, God shows up and makes it beautiful. I love that is the God that I serve!


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Tuesday, March 01, 2011


In an attempt to teach my daughter about what true beauty is I've decided that I'm not going to dye my hair to hide my crown of gray when it arrives. According to my sweet girl I'm not very fancy. Since there's not a whole lot of things I do to try to "fix up" my physical beauty not dying my hair seemed something practical I could do to go against the grain of what the world says is beautiful. It hasn't been fun finding more and more of my gray little friends in my dark brown hair. If I wasn't so stubborn I'd gladly embrace my favorite box of dye and ditch the whole plan. I never made a resolve not to pluck, so I'm a gray plucking fool. Hopefully, I'll be wise enough to know when to wave the white or gray flag so I don't need to wear this hat to cover up a bald patch.