I know there are some great messages in this book about pride, chasing after the wrong things, God's faithfulness and how I need to check my own fear and reverence for God. Right now I can't bring myself to have a healthy fear of the Lord. I know He could take my next breath but I need Him to be Abba. I grew up knowing fear and trembling, relating that to God makes me want to run for the hills.
In my continued rebellion I'm writing nothing about this chapter and quiet possibly the rest of the book. I hate that this book has gotten all up into my junk. I hate that it's still my junk. I hate that this book of the bible makes me want to puke in my mouth a little bit. It's times like this when I feel like I've done nothing but tread water for years. Am I still just here? In many ways I'm in the desert right now. I'm sure I'm being over dramatic but my fight is gone and I don't know how to do anything but dig my heels in. When will all the broken pieces be put back together? So done with all of this.
Sent from my iPhone