Wednesday, August 31, 2011

DAY 405: PSALM 14

This is either fixing to be a cathartic ramble or short and sweet. Slept was sporadic last night. Couldn't shut my brain off. Cuddled with my sweet Abbie Girl this morning as she cried over a friend who is sick. Little girls should know nothing about the awful C word. They should have to learn about courage by standing up for a friend in a pack of mean girls. They shouldn't have to learn how to be brave while fighting for life. The McCrae's updated their blog today. They are feeling discouraged this week in the face of their battle with cancer. One of Kate's 13 year old friends battling the same type of cancer died. The boy was 13 but praised God in his pain and fight knowing that it was cancer that had taught him how to truly live.

It's amazing how a good dose of perspective can change everything. I spend most of my time suffering with spiritual amnesia. In times like this the fog clears and I am reminded of a very crucial truth. This life was never meant to be about me. It's not about my comfort, my circumstances, my plans, my to-do list, ect. It is not about me. I was created to glorify Christ and so was my husband and my children. My life should be oriented around that one single thing. It so is not. If I'm truly honest with myself, it's easy to see my life is oriented around me. How does one orient their life to glorify Christ? The answer is easy but the application is most difficult. We are called to love. This kind of love comes at a great cost, dying to self. Father may you open my eyes and cure me of my spiritual amnesia. Please teach me how to love like you do so that I too may be crucified with you.

PSALM 14:

VS 3
All have turned away, all have become corrupt;
there is no one who does good,
not even one. (Psalm 14:3 NIV)

I don't know whether to be discouraged by this or relieved. Mostly it makes me so incredibly thankful for God's amazing grace. The closer I draw to Christ the more and more aware I become of my desperate need for this precious grace.

D
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Tuesday, August 30, 2011

DAY 404: PSALM 13

I don't want to be up and I feel cheated that I woke up before my alarm and missed out on precious wonderful sleep. This is definitely an area where I'm struggling with trust right now. My body screams at me in exhaustion and God beckons me to trust and obey. I know I'm being taught to rely on Him to make it through my days. I'd rather be superwoman and operate out my own strength and abundant energy than need to be dependent on God. I always caught in the desire of my flesh and the struggle to want to be more like Christ.

PSALM 13:
When I think of the Psalms this is the one that always comes to mind. It's not even the entire Psalm I focus in on, it's the very first verse.

Vs 1:
How long, Lord? Will you forget me forever?
How long will you hide your face from me? (Psalm 13:1 NIV)

This probably should have clued me in a long time ago about my abandonment issues. I feel like I come to this place often. Where are you? Why are you doing this to me? Why won't you alleviate me of this pain?

What I've seemed to forget about this Psalm is that even in David's distress and wrestling he brings it back full circle to praise. There's no harm in being honest with God. In fact, there's no other way to have an authentic relationship with Him. Yet I long for the day when my time spend in "how long Lord" is lessened.

Vs 5:
But I trust in your unfailing love;
my heart rejoices in your salvation. (Psalm 13:5 NIV)

I want to spend more of my walk with Christ grounded in trusting God despite my circumstances and rejoicing in His unfailing love.

Vs 6:
I will sing the Lord's praise,
for he has been good to me. (Psalm 13:6 NIV)

I want to live my life as a response to knowing that God has been good to me. He has been incredibly good to me which is something He does not owe me. May I cling to this wonderful knowledge more and less to my inclinations to shake my fist at God.

Vs 2:
How long must I wrestle with my thoughts
and day after day have sorrow in my heart?
How long will my enemy triumph over me? (Psalm 13:2 NIV)

"How long must I wrestle with my thoughts". David I feel ya here. At times I wish I could shut the darn thing off. I am beyond thankful that as God has begun to heal my heart the constant clatter and noise that went through my mind ceases more and more. This is a gift and a blessing I didn't even know I was in need of.

D


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Monday, August 29, 2011

DAY 403: PSALM 12 & MARK 8

I love me some Jesus. Mark 8 was a nice change of pace. The chapter starts off with a bang.

Vs 2:
"I have compassion for these people; they have already been with me three days and have nothing to eat. (Mark 8:2 NIV)

Jesus is talking about a crowd of about four thousand people who have gather in a desolate area to hear him speak. The first thing that stands out to me is Jesus's compassion for the needs of His people. It's easy to worry about this or that as if God cares not for what we truly need. The second thing is that this large group of people have gone without food and most probably water in order to hear Jesus speak. Oh how I wish I was that eager to hear His voice. I wish it was easy to forgo my own desire for comfort. I want to yearn for His words as if it was truly my daily bread. Many days it's still a fight. My desire to check out often supersedes my desire to devour God's Word.

I'm still struck by the picture C.S. Lewis paints in the Silver Chair. Aslan gives Jill four rules to remember for her mission. He tells her once she has left his country and goes to Narnia the clarify of her focus will begin to lessen. Lewis nailed it! It's crazy how I can sit at God's feet and only hours later forget the clear focus that He gave me during our time together. The things of this world are so distracting and the air around us clouds the view of what's really important. The disciples literally sat at Jesus's feet and they often missed it. In my pride I want to slap them across the head and tell them to get a clue. I need to be the one to be slapped. I'm the one who would rather check out than spend every free moment enraptured by my King.

Several verses later Jesus encounters the Pharisees. They ask Jesus for a sign and he refuses to show them anything. He had after all only just fed the four thousand with 7 loaves and a few fish. Back to the signs thing. Jesus is back on a boat with his disciples and they only have one loaf of bread.

Vs 15:
"Be careful," Jesus warned them. "Watch out for the yeast of the Pharisees and that of Herod." (Mark 8:15 NIV)

On a boat, it's mealtime and bam Jesus busts out an object lesson for his disciples. This makes me think of Deuteronomy 6 which after reading it leads me off on a whole other tangent. This leads me back to my whole thing on being a complete idiot for wanting crappy taco bell all the stinking time when time with God is like dining on the most extravagant meal ever. Not sure I can reel myself back in now.

I'll just end on this because I can't get over it. In the middle of this five star steak and lobster dinner of a chapter there's a scene where Jesus heals a blind man. Seems almost random or out of place. Today somebody at our BB Meeting mentioned the spiritual blindness of the disciples and how we all need Jesus to open our eyes. Who knows how many times I've read Mark 8. Sometimes chapters in the bible seem completely random to me. Story of Jesus healing the blind man so not random and misplaced. I love this about God. Absolutely love it! I'm completely an unordered person yet God isn't a God of random detail. Everything, every single little thing falls together to tell His story.

We all want signs. Those pursuing a life with Christ want to know the path to do life with Him. The signs of His love, his provision, his grace, ect is all around us but most of the time we are too blinded by our worldly circumstances to even see it. It all comes back to love. The one true great love that suffered and died for our sins so that we might live. That one true great love is calling us to look beyond the appearance of things and to be willing to sacrifice everything. To be willing to continually die so that we truly may live.

D

Sunday, August 28, 2011

DAY 402: PSALM 11

Woke up feeling like I was hit by a truck. Arthritis flare up baby!! Had to pass the torch to Les once again tonight. My body is just not cooperating with me at all. Beyond thankful for good health. Those who experience chronic pain or are fatigued due to chemotherapy or whatever are on my mind today. I take feeling well for granted everyday and get frustrated when I'm not up to par. Thankful for this achey day to remind me that I'm entitled to nothing.

Les found a great verse regarding our current situation with a neighbor.
Ezekiel 33:6
But if the watchman sees the sword coming and does not blow the trumpet, so that the people are not warned, and the sword comes and takes any one of them, that person is taken away in his iniquity, but his blood I will require at the watchman's hand.

I keep thinking that I don't want to be in this kind of situation. I lived it so I'm ready to wash my hands of abuse stuff. However, God knew what He was handing us. He knew we might actually have an opportunity to love and help change the course of devastating events for our neighbor as well as others. I pray this is the case. May this be an opportunity to love. Loving another is turning out to be a lot more difficult than I had ever anticipated.

PSALM 11:
I'm a little weary of reading about the righteous verses the wicked. It's probably due to all the muckity muck of Job. We want an equation we can fit life into. For the wicked X,Y and Z happens. For the righteous A, B and C occurs. Yet I've seen time and time again that there is no stinking equation.  The wicked will end up with justice eventually but it doesn't always happen on this side of heaven. Horrible things happen to the righteous. They are not always protected from the wicked and they are not immune to horrific circumstances. I am thankful for the reminder that no matter what our circumstances might be shelter and rest can always be found in Jesus.

D



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Saturday, August 27, 2011

DAY 401: PSALM 10

Finally moving from Demon Cold status to regular cold. Feels good to be back in the land of the living again. I'm spent now but had a clean kitchen for ten minutes and I can walk on my floors without crunching noises underfoot. 

Red flags continue to go off around a certain situation in our neighborhood. Hard talks are a must. This is one of the more difficult and delicate situations we've been faced with as parents. Please pray for wisdom and the right words to brace this situation with love, grace and truth. There's no way to go about things without being hurtful on some level. Raising kiddos in the climate of our society today is not an easy thing. It takes the utmost diligence to keep your kids safe and protected.

Overall this has been an emotionally difficult day. The situation above is heartbreaking to me and frankly scary. My heart is aching to bring home Baby E today.  As much as I'm excited to meet this sweet baby girl and kiss her for the first time, it feels like one of her brothers will not be home to meet her with the rest of us. It occurred to me today that he may be born already. I pray that if he is, he is nestled within his Momma's arms. As much as I long for him to be in my arms I know that God is providing for him and his family even now.

PSALM 10:
I'm tired and I'm pretty tapped out but will end on this this verse. It's not warm and fuzzy but a reminder of how ugly pride can be.

Vs 4:
In his pride the wicked man does not seek him;
in all his thoughts there is no room for God. (Psalm 10:4 NIV)

This verse nails down the evils of pride for me. In her pride Desi does not seek him; in all her prideful thoughts there is no room for God. The "there is no room for God" part kills me. This is exactly what pride does though. In my pride I place myself as god and when I do that, there is no room for the real deal. Father teach me to be humble. May there be less room for me in order for there to be abundant room for you.

D

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Friday, August 26, 2011

DAY 400: PSALM 9

Slept most of the day. Not exactly what I had planned for today but nothing this week has gone the way I planned. Not a bad thing just sayin. Woke up this afternoon or evening depending on how you look at it to find my 3 bigs outside in the front yard with their awesome dad under a fort they made playing musical pipes. Kinda felt like I was at some kind of hippie festival in Austin but it was fabulous to stumble upon. Watching Les love on and enjoy our Brownies is so incredibly healing to my heart. Beyond thankful for a new legacy that is being passed on to my children. I seriously could not have dreamed up a more amazing father for my babies. I had dreams and plans of us spending a wonderful day together making memories together as a family and it totally happened even though I was in bed.

This is totally random but I'm pretty fired up about it. There's a squirrel in our backyard that has decided to make a nest at the bottom of one of our trees. It's an unusually wonderful thing. Not sure why I'm so excited about it, after all squirrels are just rats with bushy tails, but I am. The boys have named the squirrel Penguin and Abbie has decided to name her Lizzie. Lizzie the Penguin Squirrel, it's so BrownTown.

PSALM 9:
Alright I'm just going to be honest. I'm a little weary of all the enemy talk from David. I always envision David's enemies as the people who pursued David and tried to kill him. Yet I know that David probably wouldn't limit his list of enemies to this criteria. Job at some point probably would have called his "friends" enemies as well. I don't like to think about it but we'll probably all have enemies at some point and if we don't we probably should. I don't want to think about my enemies as those who are crushed and destroyed but I do want to learn to lean on Christ more and more to be my sole defender. I want to learn how to humbly turn the other check instead of always have to be Mrs. Scrappy Scraperson. I want the opinion of others to matter less and less to me. I've definitely tried to convince myself for years that everyone could stick it and if they didn't like me i could care less. Yet, in my inmost being I truly just desired to be loved but felt so incredibly unloveable. Now I want to love others, allow others to love me but desire God's approval over everybody else.

D

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Thursday, August 25, 2011

DAY 399: PSALM 8

I don't think I could have asked for a better week to start school. It's been a train wreck in many ways. The ideal picture I had in my mind is shattered. Frankly I'd much rather start off grounded in reality than strive to hit some mark of perfection that will never be met. This week was ugly and yet my girl has walked away with knowledge about how God created her body to taste and to smell. She started reading this week. We've got a long way to go but she's finally learning how to decode the words she reading. How any of us learn to speak or read is truly amazing. This week is definately not the standard I want to live by but if we could survive a week like this and still manage to get school work done then homeschooling in BrownTown is most definitely doable. Not the confidence building week I was looking for but I'll take it!

Still in shock that we will be adding another baby girl into the mix of BrownTown. I've been fixed on adding a fourth boy to our family and thought for sure this would happen before adding a second daughter. I have to admit last year during our insanely wonderful garage sale to raise money to bring home our son from Ethiopia I came across a pair of little pink shoes that I just had to keep. I tried to put them back several times but I just had to have them. Now I understand why. I am overjoyed that I will be the Momma to yet another precious baby girl. I am also thankful for God's faithfulness and know that some day I will also be the Momma to four boys as well.

PSALM 8:
Vs 1:
Lord, our Lord,
how majestic is your name in all the earth!
You have set your glory
in the heavens. (Psalm 8:1 NIV)

I read this verse and the music from an old Sandy Patti song comes flooding into my head. I remember singing along to that song as a little kid in the car wholeheartedly knowing that God was indeed majestic. As a little person I had not a clue what God's majesty entailed. Heck I probably had no clue what majestic even meant yet I knew those words to be true. Many years later I'm still clueless to the full depth of God's majesty. I probably always will be till the day I get to meet my Creator and my Savior face to face.

Vs 2:
Through the praise of children and infants
you have established a stronghold against your enemies,
to silence the foe and the avenger. (Psalm 8:2 NIV)

This verse is so beautiful to me. I want to write my thoughts on it but the words itself leap off the page and penetrate the very heart. Oh the faith of a child. Pure and untainted.

D

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Wednesday, August 24, 2011

DAY 398: PSALM 7

I'm a big fat whiney baby with a cold. This miserable wretch of a woman should not have stepped foot out of bed today. I'm irritated by just about everything around me. The most irritating thing is that I am so incredibly blessed. I have not a single thing to grumble or complain about. I've done nothing but curse the many God has given me all day long. I've wanted to bust out of self all day long yet failed miserably. I can find one thing to be extremely thankful for and that is renewed mercies with the dawn and the chance of a clean slate tomorrow.

PSALM 7:

Vs 1:
Lord my God, I take refuge in you;
save and deliver me from all who pursue me, (Psalm 7:1 NIV)

I want to change this verse to "save and deliver me from MYSELF". The lyrics "and if our God is for us then who could ever stop us and if our God is with us then who can stand against" played through my head as I read the beginning of this Psalm. I can't help but think about how often I fear offending others. Wouldn't want to go and offend anyone with my Jesus. However, I don't believe I was created to be liked by all. Would I rather please man or God? There should be people that completely dislike me. Not because I'm an abrasive rude jerk but because I'm willing to proclaim the Gospel and the truth in all circumstances.

Vs 14:
Whoever is pregnant with evil
conceives trouble and gives birth to disillusionment. (Psalm 7:14 NIV)

I love this verse. It probably doesn't hurt that I'm in such a foul condition right now. I love the word picture of this verse and sheer utter truth of it all.

Vs 15:
Whoever digs a hole and scoops it out
falls into the pit they have made. (Psalm 7:15 NIV)

This is so true too. I want my kids to get this. My desire for them to make good choices is so they don't get caught in the pit of bad choices. It may seem at first as if we can get away with sin and disobedience but the consequences are always there. Some a whole lot more painful than others.

D

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Tuesday, August 23, 2011

DAY 397: PSALM 6

Second day of school and I had to call in sick. Thankful that my teaching partner is such a rockstar! My husband never ceases to amaze me. I shouldn't be surprised by this, since he's continually growing to be the man that God has called him to be. God calls us to excellence and equips us to be change agents. I can easily look at Les after 7 plus years still amazed by the man that he is because he chooses not to stay the same. My prayer is that as a family we would constantly be changing and evolving to be the individuals and the family that God has called us to be. I do not take this calling lightly as I know it's a call to greatness.

Had a lot to write about today about baby girls and school and other random things but keep falling asleep and my head is not working. I'm going to just leave it at this today.

D


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Monday, August 22, 2011

DAY 396: PSALM 5

It's only taken the start of BrownTown School to be obedient to rising early. I have a handsome partner in crime this time so all signs are pointed to success at becoming an early riser. Just hoping 4am does not become my norm. It is very quiet rising so early. I'm not always good with the quiet. The battle over the spirit verses the flesh becomes all the more apparent in the quiet. Lack of sleep and rest makes my mind become more of a foe than a friend. Once again I'm able to see God's great goodness in His command to rest. Be quiet and be still and know that I am God.

PSALM 5:
This is another Psalm by David. Not sure how coherent my thoughts will be this morning as I desperately want to crawl back in bed and snuggle with the three Brownies sleeping in my bed. Warm ooey gooey wonderful Brownies.

Vs 3:
In the morning, Lord, you hear my voice;
in the morning I lay my requests before you
and wait expectantly. (Psalm 5:3 NIV)

Wait expectantly hits me the hardest this morning. I battle in the wait expectantly. Sometimes I pray this way but often I just figure God's plan will be carried out despite my requests. I feel like I'm incredibly content for God to carry out His Will knowing that it is good and perfect. This may sound okay but what it really means is that I still struggle with prayer apathy. I'm still not sure where the source of this apathy comes from. I'm guessing it's fear. What if I pour my all into praying for something and it doesn't end up turning out the way I desired. I don't set myself up to be disappointed by God this way. Not even sure if this is my problem but I do know pray expectantly leapt off the page.

Vs 5:
The arrogant cannot stand
in your presence.
You hate all who do wrong; (Psalm 5:5 NIV)

You hate all who do wrong. I'm so thankful David got this wrong. I do know that pre-Christ we are considered enemies of God. While I know that God hates sin and the chaos and hurt that it brings I don't believe that God hates all who do wrong. In some instances it appears as if this is true. The overarching message I see scrawled across the pages of His Word though is that God desires sinners to turn to Him. The grace He extends to us is so undeserved and so beautiful. I'm so thankful that His ways are not my own. So thankful that He does not love like I do.

Vs 11:
But let all who take refuge in you be glad;
let them ever sing for joy.
Spread your protection over them,
that those who love your name may rejoice in you. (Psalm 5:11 NIV)

I love how David is passionate about seeing the demise of those who oppose God and those who love God living out of the abundant life that He offers. When I read verses like verse 5 it makes sense why David has such a strong reaction to God's enemies. He loves God wholeheartedly and He wants those who oppose Him to go down. I see this passion and sense of justice in one of my own boys. As this passion and sense of justice is thrashing around my floor on a daily
basis It's hard to see it's beauty always. The truth is that it is beautiful and both are attributes of God.

I love the let them be glad and sing for joy in this verse. Reason number 1 billion and 1 why I desire for God to transform my heart from being a complainer focused on outward circumstances and a praiser focus on God's amazing grace and love. If I'm busy complaining about the circumstances I may run into around me I'm not taking refuge in God. I loose out on the joy filled abundant life that God desires to offer me now. The thief comes to steal, kill and destroy. I don't want to allow him to steal from me so easily. Now if only I could hold onto this for at least the duration of the day. Lord thank you for waking early today so that I could be with you. May I walk in the fullness of life and joy that you so graciously extend to me. Thank you for that precious 5 year old girl that you have blessed our lives with. May she be blessed this year in school as well as the rest of her friends starting school today.

D

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Sunday, August 21, 2011

DAY 395: PSALM 4

Big boys up and oddly playing quietly and my late sleepers are still completely crashed. Thought I'd take a stab at putting first things first today but not holding my breath. Really wanting today to honor the Sabbath but still not exactly sure what that is supposed to look like. I still feel it looks like ceasing to toil but there is a still a to do list to check off in preparation for Abbie's first day of Kinder tomorrow. How did my kids grow up so fast?

PSALM 4:
Another Psalm by David.

Vs 1:
Answer me when I call to you,
my righteous God.
Give me relief from my distress;
have mercy on me and hear my prayer. (Psalm 4:1 NIV)

I so get this verse!! "Give me relief from my distress". Often I would cry out to God and my greatest desire was for Him to give me relief from my distress. I wanted relief more than I really wanted Him. I've learned from many years of crying out and wondering why He wasn't answering was that I was asking for the wrong thing. God wasn't going to just rid me of my situation or deliver me from my distress. There was purpose and good reason for the situations that arise where I feel distressed. Instead of removing what potentially might be used for His glory, He wants to walk with me in times of hardship and sorrow. The more I get to know God the more I desire Him to walk with me in hardship rather than to just take it away.

Had more to write but as all good things my time in the morning came to a sudden end. I'd love to continue on tonight but have things to get ready for a morning that kicks off first day of school traditions in BrownTown.

D

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Saturday, August 20, 2011

DAY 394: PSALMS 3

I have to admit it's nice camping in Psalms for a bit after reading through Job. This Psalm was written by David during the time of his son Absolom's rebellion. Can't imagine the pain of one of your own children turning on you in this way.

Vs 1:
Lord, how many are my foes!
How many rise up against me! (Psalm 3:1 NIV)

I bet Job felt this way in the midst of his despair. Everything came crashing down and even his so called friends were against him.

Vs 3:
But you, Lord, are a shield around me,
my glory, the One who lifts my head high. (Psalm 3:3 NIV)

This is not at all how Job felt. In fact Job felt very much like God was a million bazillion miles away. I too can relate to feeling as if God had abandoned me. I love the visual of this verse of God literally wrapping us in His arms and protecting us like a shield. This world can be so brutal at times and yet there is always safe refuge in his wings.

Vs 4:
I call out to the Lord,
and he answers me from his holy mountain. (Psalm 3:4 NIV)

The thought of God not answering terrifies me. I must always remember in those moments that even if God doesn't answer right away during the midst of the storm He will eventually speak forth from the storm. I love that God is willing to speak to us. His desire to have such an intimate relationship with us blows me away. I'm the one who benefits from close communion with God not the other way around. It still baffles me that I don't eagerly enter this time of rest and communion with the Lord daily. Often I'd rather exchange this time at first for a cheap filler that has nothing to offer. It's so sad to me how easily I forgot that there is nothing like my time with my Father.

Vs 5:
I lie down and sleep;
I wake again, because the Lord sustains me. (Psalm 3:5 NIV)

When I read this verse I envision the ability to fall asleep with out any fear. Night has always been unsettling to me and sleep always hard to come by. Although I don't consciously feel fearful at night or while trying to fall asleep I know that it's there. The thought of falling asleep in the comfort of God's peaceful meadow sounds so incredibly awesome. It's when I compare this to what slumber looks like to me now I realize that something is very off. For many reasons I fear digging into this very much.

Vs 6:
I will not fear though tens of thousands
assail me on every side. (Psalm 3:6 NIV)

I want this kind of confidence in Christ. I don't have the right words to paint a picture of what this would look like in my life but holy smokes do I ever want it. I feel like Paul had this nailed. It did not matter what situation, circumstance or crazy obstacles that crossed his path. He was all about Jesus and spreading the Gospel that nothing could shake him. I'm easily thrown off the path. I'm like a raccoon easily enticed by the next piece of shiny metal in a trap. I don't want to be so easily taken off the path. Father help me to get me some of this. I want my eyes and my focus to be fixed solely on you. I want the work of my hands to be all about you.

D

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Friday, August 19, 2011

DAY 393: PSALMS 2

Not much to say today. My neighbors are on their way to drop off their daughter at college. I feel like I'm going to blink and Les and I will be doing the same thing. The days can be ever so long but the years fly by so incredibly fast.

PSALM 2:
Not sure how to tackle these chapters in Psalms. Guessing each one will have it's own flavor. This one is very proverbsish to me. The Psalmist wonders why the nations and the Kings decide to go against God and His chosen Ones as if they could ever possibly win. This is my favorite verse of the chapter.

Vs 12:
Kiss his son, or he will be angry
and your way will lead to your destruction,
for his wrath can flare up in a moment.
Blessed are all who take refuge in him. (Psalm 2:12 NIV)

Your way will lead to destruction. I so want my kids to get this. There is life pursuing Christ and walking in His ways but choosing to follow our own path leads to destruction. After all the meddling and thinking I've done in Job reading blessed are all who take refuge in Him is very comforting!

D

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Thursday, August 18, 2011

DAY 392: PSALMS 1

I am so tired of being a crabby patty. This by far is the hardest part of pregnancy. Pretty sure I'd rather puke everyday than have to battle my own hormonal self. I've been so incredibly exhausted this week and I can't deal with life very well. Hoping next week will be less of a battle. I'm sure getting to see what this sweet baby looks like on Monday won't hurt things a bit. I'm very VERY thankful that BrownTown school starts on Monday too. My days will be planned and mapped out and that will be a huge help and good not only for me but for my sweet Brownies as well. This Momma is itching for some much needed structure.

PSALM 1:
It's kinda strange not reading Job tonight. I wanted to write more last night and had set my phone down just for a moment to gather my thoughts and I crashed hard. It would seem that Ch 42 would make it all come together for me. Job's latter half of life is blessed even more abundantly than the first half. Everything is restored and then some and he is even blessed with ten more children. This just doesn't sit well with me. The one thing I can grasp onto and understand as the real good thing that comes out of Jobs misery is this verse.

My ears had heard of you
but now my eyes have seen you. (Job 42:5 NIV)

For me it completely matters not that Job was completely vindicated and restored. I'm sorry but that doesn't make for a good story for me. Once upon a time there was a man who got his butt kicked but then it was all made better again, the end. Really? Who cares? Yet in this one simple verse it makes for an incredible story. Job's suffering lead to a depth of understanding and relationship with God that he had never experienced before. Growth is slow during times of abundance. Throw in some turbulent storms and the depth of growth is exponential. I don't want to pray for storms yet I want to learn how to praise in the midst of the storms.

Okay so maybe this had nothing to do with Psalms 1. In some ways Job has everything to do with this chapter though. It's about the righteous verses the wicked and how God judges them. The words are so very true but I don't think the outcome always looks the way we want it to. This definitely doesn't look like the health, wealth and prosperity gospel. It's very interesting how Christians perceive what a blessing is. I think most often blessing equals a fat bank roll, good health, great job or other things that help aid in a life of ease and comfort. When I look at the guys who were sold out for Jesus in the New Testament I really don't see that kind of blessing oozing off of them. In fact, its just the opposite. Yet I believe that their lives were marked by abundant blessing. Christ was their reward and the great blessing and treasure that they were reaching for. I want to want this even more than blessings that lead to more ease and comfort. I want Jesus to be my great blessing even if it means living a life marked by suffering. Oh how my flesh cringes at the very thought.

D

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Wednesday, August 17, 2011

DAY 391: JOB 42

I am a miserable person today. I got a nap in but at the expense of snapping at my bigs again and almost having to eat my 3 yr old. This evening I sank my fangs into my husband for the silliest thing ever. I broke into tears frustrated at my own behavior and lack of self control and was comforted by the five people I've been so beastly to. I feel more on the possessed side than pregnant right now. If it wasn't for Baby Popcorn squirming all the time I just might start to wonder.

JOB 42:
Job responds to God and is restored. After all the pain and anguish of the last 40 chapters Job gets his happily ever after ending.

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Tuesday, August 16, 2011

DAY 390: JOB 41

Today was not one of my finer days. Started the day off so exhausted. I've gotten decent sleep the last couple nights but I could sleep an entire weekend away. Sat and prayed and leaned into the One who could get me through the day with a loving heart. All was good until after lunch when things started going downhill. One of our neighbor kids had been hanging out all day which is totally fine. Her older bro came over and it all went down hill.

Let me preface this by saying this kid is a sweet boy and I hope for his sake and the sake of others that there is no need for red flags or alarm. However, he raises red flags. It's been confirmed not only by my husband but also by another neighbor. In my flesh I want to lock my kids in a room and kick him outside to never return. Again this is in my flesh and a response out of my own past experiences. I don't think the answer is to lock down the house like Fort Knox and never let the kid in. Our desire in BrownTown is to teach our kids how to show Christ to others by being His hands and His feet. This does not mean that I desire to place my children on a proverbial alter all in the name of sharing Jesus. I've seen and heard of too many families who are sacrificed all in name of doing God's work. This is wrong and in my opinion it's incredibly sinful.

I'm rambling. The bottom line is that I feel we are to love on this kid and hopefully have opportunity to impact his life in a positive direction. I want to be as gentle as a dove but wise as a serpent in regards to this situation. This afternoon I was nothing of the sort. Instead of being steadfast in prayer and relying on God to guide me in this situation and rest in Him my old patterns of self reliance went into play. I wanted to control the situation and manipulate it in such a way that I thought would be manageable. In the process I snapped at my two older boys and popped them on the bottom out of frustration and anger. The situation felt like chaos to me. Instead of linking arms with the One who not only created my sweet Brownies but my neighbors and their children as well I chose to put my trust in myself. It was so much easier when the biggest problems was getting my children to share toys at a Playgroup. It's a whole new ball game now. Think Les and I have a plan to help deal with this situation and will be something that we just do with every family whose kids are at our house often. In the beginning stages but think it will be good once prayed through and ironed out.

On another note feel like God's chipping away at my heart. Thankfully at the moment it's not painful but lots brewing around my head. Reading the Silver Chair to the kids at bedtime. I've never read it before and the 2nd chapter was so stinking beautiful to me. C.S. Lewis oozed Jesus all over the pages of the Chronicles of Narnia. Scripture is written through out the pages. The way it is done could not have happened if this man wasn't living and breathing God's Word. It flows out naturally and organically. I want my life to become like that. I want God's words to naturally and organically come oozing out of every pour and onto the things I touch, say and create. I want to live and breath me some Jesus.

JOB 42:
God continues to speak to Job and uses the example of Leviathan to make His point. When I read the description of this there is no way that this could be a mere Nile Crocodile. I don't believe that God exaggerates. He has no need to do such a thing. It does make me wonder about this whole dragon thing though because it sure sounds like one.

Big Fan of this verse:
Vs 11:
Who has a claim against me that I must pay?
Everything under heaven belongs to me. (Job 41:11 NIV)

I want to get this. I've been the queen of fist shaking at God. I want to learn how to simply trust and give thanks in all situations.

D

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Monday, August 15, 2011

DAY 389: JOB 40

Think I used up all my words today chatting about family ministry. I've sat here for a good ten to twenty minutes trying to gather up my thoughts but nothing is coming together. I'm content to just be a woman of a few words today.

JOB 40:
Today I'm struck by the fact that God even spoke to Job.

Vs 8:
"Would you discredit my justice?
Would you condemn me to justify yourself? (Job 40:8 NIV)

God doesn't owe Job an explanation. He doesn't have to speak to Job at all and yet He does. God continues to speak to me despite the numerous times I have condemned Him in order to justify myself. Thankful that daily despite my grumbling, complaining and my sin God is always willing to speak if I'm willing to listen.

D


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Sunday, August 14, 2011

DAY 388: JOB 39

At a loss for words right now. Started off today desiring to pursue Sabbath. I'm confused at what this is supposed to look like exactly but I want to be better at observing it. I think it has a lot to do with ceasing to be busy and taking a break from toil. What do I know? My Brownies have been acting as of this full moon has an effect on them. Patience is low and I'm feeling tired, grumpy and selfish. Wonderful combination.

I read an email forwarded to me about a family whose daughter, Abby, is dying of cancer. Talk about a punch in the gut. So often I am focused on the wrong thing. The absolute wrong thing.

I don't get childhood cancer. Don't get it at all. Yet I know and I trust that God is loving and He is good and I don't need an answer as to why it is allowed. This chapter in Job is about the different characteristics God created in animals. Our God is an orderly God and he didnt just create certain characteristics in His creation for nothing. There is reason behind every choice made, it's not just a random wave of a wand or by chance, it's planned. This applies to horrific things such as childhood cancer too. It's allowed for a reason and as awful as it is God desires to use even cancer for his glory.

D

DAY 388: JOB 39

Trying to figure out this Sabbath thing. There's the tension between all the things that seem so pressing versus trusting God and obeying His command. What is a modern day Sabbath supposed to even look like? It always comes back to the heart. Am I willing to be quiet and still before the Lord? Am I willing to slow down enough so that my eyes can see the fbiua Uhamazing amount of blessing God h vivifihas so freely given? Has my mouthopened in response to iuynhyhhewqy

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Saturday, August 13, 2011

DAY 387: jOB 38

Not sure where to start this today. I've been to three malls over the course of two days so I have a lot to say about that but for tonight I'll refrain. Despite the overload on malls I'm so very thankful for my time spent with my precious Abbie Girl. It truly is crazy how fast time goes by. Busyness only increases the speed of the clock. I don't want to be fooled into loosing precious time anymore on account of busyness. Yet another beautiful reason for the command to rest.

In one week we begin our journey in Kindergarten. It's going to look a lot different than I thought. When we moved into our house I dreamed of walking my kids down the street to our neighborhood school. In fact, I felt very blessed to be in close walking distance to school. Abbie turned three and we began praying about school and what that should look like for our family. Frankly, we began to wonder if placing our kids in school for 5 days a week from 8-3 at such a young age lined up with the vision we felt God gave us for raising our family. Fast forward two years later and after lots of prayerful consideration, research and conversations with others we are going to Homeschool our sweet Abbie Girl this year. Les and I had always said we would never Homeschool our kids so I should have known this was in the cards for us.

We've got the entire Fall mapped out so far and this week I'll be working on finishing up a more detailed lesson plan for the first six weeks. I got to chat with one of my neighbors who is a kindergarten teacher and freakishly enough what I have planned so far matches up almost exactly with what she'll be teaching this fall. I was incredibly fired up to hear that and feeling more confident about this year. God has never lead us to do something without equipping us so I imagine this won't be any different.

JOB 38:
God speaks. There really is nothing better than when God speaks. The first verse starts off so strong.

Vs 1:
Then the Lord spoke to Job out of the storm. He said: (Job 38:1 NIV)

Then the Lord spoke to Job out of the storm. I can't express enough how much I love these words. It's in the storm that we cling to His words the most. It's in the calm and the times of ease that we often miss what He has to say. When He speaks to us out of the storm our attention is captured and we are most likely to listen. He knows us so well, so intimately. I long to know Him in the same way.

We've been reading The Voyage of the Dawn Treader to the kids. The last chapter is so incredibly beautiful. The lamb who makes them breakfast on the shore. The word pictures C.S. Lewis creates is beautiful. I love how they literally drink in the light and the beauty of Aslan and how they long to be with him. Lewis knew him some Jesus in order to have written such wonderful things.

Lost my train of thought and the two little boys that are still up are distracting me so I'll stop here. So very thankful that God is willing to speak out of the storms in our lives.

D

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Friday, August 12, 2011

DAY 386: JOB 37

Exhausted. Had so much to write about my day. It was more of a rant so maybe it's for the best that now I'm to tired to type out my thoughts. For now I'll just leave it as this, I most definitely feel like an alien in this world. I do not belong here.

Job 37:
Elihu has shifted to his finger pointing to expressing the wonders of our God. Refreshing change. I can see atheists reading chapters like this and laughing. At this point the mechanics of how things like weather work were not known. However, for those of us who trust in the Lord we know that even though we can explain how it rains or how it snows ultimately we know God is responsible. My sweet girl is still up and I want to take advantage of our time together if I can keep my eyes open so I'll end with this beaut of a verse.

Vs 5:
God's voice thunders in marvelous ways;
he does great things beyond our understanding. (Job 37:5 NIV)

D

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Thursday, August 11, 2011

DAY 385: JOB 36

My head is all over the place tonight. Thankful for God's generous blessings that He so willingly extends to us. He doesn't have to and yet He so lavishly does.

Looks like our insurance company is going to give us an exception so our birth center will be in-network. There is still a slight gamble that this won't be the case but we won't know till it's all said and done because of the way our company works. Thankful to not have to try to hunt down a dr and hospital that will release me and Baby Popcorn from L&D.

So incredibly thankful for the break in the crazy heat today. The weather tonight was so nice for our Meat Up. It was a sweet gift. Low turnout tonight but more conversation with one of my neighbors about her marriage. My heart aches for her and for her husband for that matter. Please pray for wisdom for the upcoming weeks on what we can do to love on her and her husband. Also, please pray for insight on what our Meat Up should morph into in the Fall. We know it should be something but haven't exactly landed on what yet. Very thankful for this opportunity to love on our neighbors and share the gospel. God is so very good to allow us to be involved in His good and wonderful plans.

JOB 36:
I'm done with all this finger pointing from Elihu. He is so much more irritating that the first three. He didn't just come and sit with Job quiet in his affliction like the other three did. At least Job's friends got that part right. Elihu thinks he's adding something new to the table but it's only the same jacked up theology that the other three were spouting off. His arrogance and pride are maddening because I'm no better. I HATE admitting this but there are definitely some people that I think I know better than they do. I can stand firm on the things that are biblically black and white but I know all too often arrogance and pride come creeping in. In my flesh it feels so great to elevate myself in status over another. I don't want people to know this about me because frankly it's pretty ugly. Yet I share this because I want to learn how to truly become humble and not cloak myself in false humility. I'm learning more and more all the time about why God hates pride. So I press on, hoping to die more to my selfish and sinful ways so that Christ may become more.

D

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Wednesday, August 10, 2011

DAY 384: JOB 35

I'm tired and my brain is broken. Must get some sleep tonight or it will be a one way trip to extreme grumpyville.

JOB 35:
I want to punch Elihu in the face. His arrogance and pride is out of control. Hate that pride can look so incredibly ugly. Hate that I myself struggle with pride. Yuck.

D

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Tuesday, August 09, 2011

DAY 383: JOB 34

Another wild day in BrownTown so far. Not sure if I've ever as excited about the Fall as I am right now. These Brown Boys need to run free and untamed outside for hours and hours. I've been trying to ignore the devastation that has happened in our house, boy made snow included. I want to be focused on the right things, loving on these kids. Time is so quick and so fleeting and daily I can feel it slipping through my fingers. Have I shown my kids the love and the grace of Christ today? Often my answer is no. I get side tracked and I loose focus on what's really important. The piles of laundry or the overflowing sink full of dishes gets in the way of clothing my children in robes of love and grace. The daily mundane of life should not give cause for distraction yet rather should spur me on to love even more.

I am so very thankful for this daily time with my King. Daily I am tempted to turn my eyes away from the most important thing. I strain to accomplish the task of things that are temporal instead of holding firm to those things which are eternal. I need this time to remember that I am a sinner entrenched in selfish and who relishes in meaningless distractions. So thankful for my perfect Father who extends His wonderful grace and wraps me up in His beautiful robes of righteous. May my heart continue to be spurred on to chase after my King wholeheartedly being willing to set all things aside so that I may receive the prize of knowing Christ Jesus more.

JOB 34:
Oh Elihu how your tone has changed. My heart is crushed for Job right now. I know what is about to come though. I imagine Job finally reaching his breaking point. His desire and strength to prove his innocence gone. Here enters hopelessness. Yet dawn is about to break forth into the darkness. Father help me to remember that it is always darkest before dawn breaks forth.

This morning I was listening to a song by Jars of Clay that I love. "I will sing of your mercy that leads us through valleys of sorrow and rivers of joy". I prayed that for our family, that we truly would sing through valleys of sorrow and rivers of joy. I want to make bargains with God about what the valleys of sorrow should encompass but little by little I learning to trust. No matter what happens I know that God is good and He is faithful to provide daily what we need in the moment.

I'll end on these two verses.

Vs 14 & 15:
If it were his intention and he withdrew his spirit and breath, all humanity would perish together and mankind would return to the dust.

We truly are nothing without Him.

D

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Monday, August 08, 2011

DAY 382: JOB 33

My smoking hot husband is out grocery shopping for me right now. This is totally not how I envision spending an evening but in this insane heat and with the crazy amount of energy these Brownies have been expending on a daily basis I am ever so thankful for his thoughtfulness. Summer truly is making these kiddos loopy. Usually we are rocking the spray park and other sorts of activities during the summer but I can't get motivated to load these Brownies in a blazing hot van for anything. It's been a wonderful summer for learning patience.

JOB 33:
Elihu is suggesting that God is using this situation to turn Job back to God. Same song, different verse. However, Elihu's tone is different than the tone his other three friends have been using. It's not as harsh. Elihu is right that God wants to restore us from walking in darkness and will resort to harsh circumstances to speak to us and try to get us to turn back to Him. However, not all hard circumstances are allowed due to God's desire to restore us from sin. I don't know why God allows certain things to happen but I do know that He is Sovereign over all things, that He is a good God and He truly does desire to prosper us. It feels so comforting to be able to rest in that.

My favorite verse of the chapter:

VS 30:
to turn them back from the pit, that the light of life may shine on them. (Job 33:30 NIV)

Here Elihu is talking about how God sometimes uses circumstances like Job's in order to speak to His people and persuade them to turn back to Him. I most definately feel like God used circumstances in my life to bring me to my breaking point so that He could rescue me from the pit. Ever since that day I laid prostrate on the ground before God willing to give Him my all I have felt the light of life shine on me. The ironic thing about it is if it turned out that life could not be found by throwing all in with God I was ready to end mine. God never disappoints. He is faithful and He keeps His promises. So very thankful for that!

D
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Sunday, August 07, 2011

DAY 381: JOB 32

Worship wrecked me tonight. All day I've thought about S, a woman I never even met myself. Yet, I've been her. I've walked in her shoes. Her story could have easily been mine. I would not have written things the way that they played out. However, I know that God has a plan in all of this. I know that sweet S no longer has to search for what has been missing. She has been redeemed and completely restored.

For I know the plans I have for you," declares the lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. (Jeremiah 29:11 NIV)

The definition of prosper has most definitely begun to change in my book. It's not easy for my flesh to swallow but it's much more rich than I ever imagined.

Still struggling with the same issues with my girl. This afternoon I asked God what we were supposed to do with her and He quite simply replied
"love her". It's seems like that kinda response would invoke a nice well duh! Why is love so hard to remember? Everything always should come back to love. It's always the answer. Always.

One last quick note. Tonight Blake asked what we thought of when we heard the word father. That word has always brought to mind a sense of aching loss. I am fired up to say that the first thing that came to mind tonight was God. Beyond thankful for this.

JOB 32:
Job's three friends are left without a response so Elihu steps up to the plate. He is younger than the other men and is reluctant at first to even speak. He gets over and says that he is compelled by the Spirit to speak. Will be interesting to see what he has to say tomorrow.

Until then...
But it is the spirit in a person, the breath of the Almighty, that gives them understanding. (Job 32:8 NIV)

Love this and love y'all!
D

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Saturday, August 06, 2011

DAY 380: JOB 31

My heart is heavy tonight. All the things I would have written about tonight seem most meaningless. Life is but a vapor. The word faithful burns in my head tonight. A dear sweet friend faithful to love and pursue others, not waiting till the perfect moment. Faithful. The time is short. I can't help but ask myself if it's worth it to wait if waiting means one of my neighbors could go to hell for an eternity. We are never promised tomorrow. Am I truly faithful with the blessing of right now? With grief in my heart often my answer is no. I live for myself much of the time. I go about my days consumed by self. I don't want to live a life that is consumed by anything else but Christ. Light years separate me from living my life in this manner yet daily I will strive for this. When I'm thrown off the path I pray that the Lord in His great and mighty provision will draw me back and set my feet on the course once more. Father I am so thankful that you never require us to be cleaned up before being willing to embrace us in your arms and clothe us in the beautiful robes of your righteousness.

Romans 5:8
But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

JOB 31:
Job talks about all the judgment that should be brought upon him if he is guilty of certain types of sin. This is truly a beautiful and poetic chapter to me.

Vs 7:
if my steps have turned from the path, if my heart has been led by my eyes, or if my hands have been defiled, (Job 31:7 NIV)

I really love "if my heart has been led by my eyes".  I think living in a culture where there are so many distractions it's easy for my heart to be led by my eyes. It's also so easy to take a glimpse at circumstances and let that be the thing that dictates the condition of my heart. The reminder of today of how short life truly is makes all the above seem so trivial and silly. The things I allow myself to get frustrated over or wrapped up in are garbage. I want my heart to be fixed on things that are eternal instead of being wooed off the path by my eyes.

Vs 15:
Did not he who made me in the womb make them? Did not the same one form us both within our mothers? (Job 31:15 NIV)

In the previous verses Job is talking about denying people, particularly his servants, justice. This verse is just so beautiful in regards to pride and comparing oneself to another. Were we not all formed and created by God? In light of this verse it becomes harder to think more highly of myself than I should. I'm ashamed to think how often I place myself on a pedestal compared to another. As if I'm the one who died to save myself. The only good I possess comes from my Father above. The good that is able to break forth from my fleshly self centered nature is all from Christ. 

Vs 23 :
For I dreaded destruction from God, and for fear of his splendor I could not do such things. (Job 31:23 NIV)

This verse is interesting. I'll have to elaborate more on this one tomorrow. 

D



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Friday, August 05, 2011

DAY 379: JOB 30

Oy! I'm tired. Been on the go since early this morning. Les and our CG guys painted our Abbie Girl's new room. We're switching rooms around so needless to say I feel like we're moving. So not looking forward to that day. Surely we can fit ten kids in this house right? If we really do end up with ten kids it will be hilarious. Les used to tease me about our ten kids when I was pregnant with Abbie and I'd get so mad at him. God has done a complete makeover on my heart and I am so thankful!

On another saw a family tonight who had adopted two sweet girls. Hard to choke back tears. Then I looked at Joshua and I just can not imagine BrownTown without him. My heart still aches to bring home our son and possibly his siblings. Abraham and Sarah pop into my head often now as I think about bringing home our adopted kiddos. They were promised a child and it wasn't until ten years later till God's promise came to fruition. So I sit here thankful as I feel Baby Popcorn move and confident one day we'll bring home our son.

JOB 30:
In the previous chapter Job gives a description of what his life was like before his great tribulation hit. In this chapter Job tells how his life has become since God allowed Satan to harm him. Pretty stark contrast. I know trials and hardship will head down BrownTown's way but I'm so thankful as of now my chapters would be flopped. I would write about the brokeness and desolation caused by a life spend walking away from God. Although life has not been easy since choosing to run after Christ, it is so much better than it ever was without God. Wish I could go on but I'm incredibly tired.

I will end with this verse:
My lyre is tuned to mourning, and my pipe to the sound of wailing. (Job 30:31 NIV)
It's caught my eye for some reason. Probably because I really just love music. I want my life to become a beautiful melody not just the sound of clashing cymbals. This is probably why this verse has caught my eye, it's incredibly sad to me.

D
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Thursday, August 04, 2011

DAY 378: JOB 29

Today was a wonderfully challenging day. One of those kinds of days that makes you grow about twenty gray hairs. Yet I am so very thankful that today I can turn my face upward and thank the One who blessed me with today. I would not have constructed such a day for myself but it was a blessing never the less. I will confess that I would find much pleasure in eating barbecue, a gianormous piece of chocolate cake with vanilla ice cream all while watching Teen Mom. I wish the thought of spending this time in reflection and in the Word was as exciting for me. There is a big part of me that wants to just get this over with so I can veg out. Lovely. Must keep trudging on and learning more and more about my Savior so that ultimately God truly does become my greatest treasure.

JOB 29:
This chapter begins Job's final defense. It paints a picture of what Job's life looked like before tragedy fell upon him. He lived his life in such a beautiful way. There was a sweet aroma that surrounded Job's life, not because of who he was, but because of God pouring forth from every pore. Job cared about what God cared about and the fruit that his life bore was evident of an intimate relationship with God. Cut out the worldly prosperity and this is still the kind of life I long to live. He loved on others, brought hope to the hopeless, upheld justice and cared for the physical needs of the orphaned and widowed and the poor. People sat at his feet to hear what he had to say. I pictured a Judy Wimberley as I read this. I aspire to grow to become this kind of woman. Not because MY words are great but because of evidence of a life lived walking closely to the Lord.

I'll end on this sweet verse.
Vs 4:
Oh, for the days when I was in my prime, when God's intimate friendship blessed my house, (Job 29:4 NIV)

I love the words "when God's intimate friendship blessed my house". These words are a witness to how valuable God's relationship was to Job. Oh to view my relationship with God as an intimate friendship. Such a sweet picture of the beauty of a relationship with Christ. Such an intimate friendship with the Lord truly is a blessing.

D
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Wednesday, August 03, 2011

DAY 377: JOB 28

Somebody remind me to book my appointment with a surgeon to have my horns removed. Still crabtastic. I hate being this way. Life becomes a chore instead of a blessing. Still feeling blech. I don't want to start grumping about the inferno weather but I think it's making me feel completely off. My head is out of control and I can't breath. Don't want to use an inhaler because of Popcorn. The Brownies are truly beginning to get stir crazy and I feel like I'm a zookeeper. All three of the bigs behavior is ebbing. It's hard when all three are struggling. I have so much to be grateful for but goodness this heat is killing me!! Hopefully, tomorrow I'll be able to break my tiny violin and lift my hands in praise instead of complain. I truly don't have a single thing to complain about. 

JOB 28:
Read and the Tea Show is working just as well on me as it is Joshua. Not sure whose words these are but this chapter is about how invaluable wisdom is. It's worth more than any metal or precious stone that can be found on the earth.

And he said to the human race, "The fear of the Lord—that is wisdom, and to shun evil is understanding." (Job 28:28 NIV)

That verse is greatness. Brain broken and eyelids heavy. I'm out.

D

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Tuesday, August 02, 2011

DAY 376: JOB 27

Checking the box tonight. I feel completely off today. Even my wonderful caffeine did not help me push through. I'm sure that's my problem, trusting on a substance rather God to get by. I was willing but my body would not budge today. Hoping this growth spurt or whatever it is passes quickly.

JOB 27:
Job's final reply to his friends. He clings to his integrity and lack of wickedness as a reason for his circumstances. He ends the chapter listing the ways God crushes the wicked. Personally found this to be interesting. It's awesome how even though he feels as if he is being judged as if he were a wicked man he still chooses to walk in righteous ways. In many ways it seems as if it would be so easy to just walk in the ways of evil if you were not only accused of this by friends but felt as if God had condemned you as wicked. Love how Job continued to cling to integrity.

D

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Monday, August 01, 2011

DAY 375: JOB 26

Not sure how focused I'll be able to be tonight. There's a cute dimpled boy who is pretending to make tea next to me. I could eat him up. Still mulling over Exodus 14 from yesterday. I think digging in kinda messed me up for storytelling to a bunch of youngsters last night thought. I should have stuck to the story I've known by heart for many years. I found a new richness to the story especially in light of Job. It was incredibly hard to tell the story in the same way.

JOB 26:
Job once again replies to his friends. His tone is incredibly sarcastic at the beginning of this chapter. I have to honest seeing sarcasm in the bible makes me feel better about myself. I know that it shouldn't but it does. Job then goes on to once again describe the majesty and awesome power of God. The chapter ends with a beaut of a verse.

Vs 14:
And these are but the outer fringe of his works; how faint the whisper we hear of him! Who then can understand the thunder of his power?" (Job 26:14 NIV)

My soul rejoices over the fact that I barely even really know this God that I'm falling head over heels for. The awesomeness and wonder of who He is will not be fully known by me till I meet Him face to face. I get to meet Him someday face to face. I forget this sometimes. I, the sinful girl, who wakes up as an angry elf and snaps at her beloved family, who struggles with insecurity, anger pride, selfishness and the list goes on and on, gets to meet the creator of everything some day face to face. It takes my breath away to think about it. To think that I once thought that heaven sounded completely boring. I'm so thankful to my most amazing King that His word stands true and He continues to change me despite my daily lack of faithfulness to pursue Him wholeheartedly. I stand amazed.

D


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