Monday, October 31, 2011

DAY 465: PS 54

I'm in quite the mood. Last night I felt like death becomes her and was an emotional spaz. Of all the songs for Ginny Owens to sing, she had to sing a song about adoption. That combined with the picture and story on the WM News and I feel like I could completely come undone. I am so tired of being trapped in this grouchy, impatient, selfish, entitled, and unthankful suit that I am in bondage to wear. As tears stream down I hear Him say yet again that perfection is not what He requires. In this world of chaos, hurt and despair in His might He is able to make ALL things beautiful. Tonight as I send my children out to collect as much chocolate as possible for Baby Bella and me, I pray that one day they would truly get that they were created to spread light in a very dark world. I pray BrownTown always chooses to fight the good fight and that together we live lives worthy of the calling we have received. And I'm done for the day as I can't seem to pull myself together.


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Sunday, October 30, 2011

DAY 464: PS 53

I think in my walk with Christ and just life in general things rarely turn out the way I expect or would have planned. I figured that today with the house being in less chaos and disarray I'd be more able to focus on Christ and a plethora of good deeds would overflow from my mountain top experience with God. Maybe on the surface this appears okay but this plan of mine had so much more to do about my circumstances and me and not so much God. It's so easy to live a self focused life even in the midst of raising four kiddos. The hubs and the kids just help me to realize how incredibly selfish I am. To love is to die and frankly on most days I don't want to do that.

Here lies the Sabbath for me today. In this quiet moment, realizing I've made today more about myself than anything grace rains down. I'm reminded that God loves this imperfect daughter. He died for this Mom who would pop her child in frustration, who constantly allows circumstance to dictate the condition of her heart, and who is self absorbed. God's mercy and grace would rain down on a prideful, self reliant and stubborn woman and cover her in an extravagant love. I love this Christ, not so that I might commune on a mountain top or become perfect, but because He first loved me.

PS 53:
The fool says in his heart, "There is no God." They are corrupt, and their ways are vile; there is no one who does good. (Psalm 53:1 NIV84)

There was brief conversation about the government last night in our CG but really this is what is wrong with our country. We've turned away and said there is no God. It's not surprising that there is fallout from our country turning its back on God. My hope is that God would discipline this country the way He would lovingly discipline Israel. I can't help but think that the best thing that could happen to this country is for the entire bottom to fall out on the economy. In my flesh I cant say that I would be all that jazzed about the kind of hardship that would bring but something has to give. Something has to wake up the hearts of the people living in this land.

I'm one of those weirdos that actually prays that something big would come and shake up this country even if that means hardship for my family in the midst of it. I don't want vs 5 to be what happens to those who live here.

Will the evildoers never learn—
those who devour my people as men eat bread and who do not call on God?
There they were, overwhelmed with dread, where there was nothing to dread. God scattered the bones of those who attacked you; you put them to shame, for God despised them. (Psalm 53:4, 5 NIV84)

God is so full of love and mercy but He is a just God and we can not continue to turn our backs on God and expect a good outcome. I'd rather go through hardship knowing that in it, hearts will turn back.

No matter how bad things may get I can always rest assured of this verse.

Vs 6:
Oh, that salvation for Israel would come out of Zion! When God restores the fortunes of his people, let Jacob rejoice and Israel be glad! (Psalm 53:6 NIV84)

This is a hope that could never be found from a body of politicians.

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Saturday, October 29, 2011

DAY 463: PS 52

I keep trying to write this thing today but keep coming up short. Had more of a task filled weekend which isn't the best for filling up my tank. Good night breaking bread and spending time with the CG tonight. As a bonus our house is a lot more orderly and the sweet babysitter even did our sink full of dishes. I'm truly set up to Sabbath tomorrow which I'm thrilled about. Wish my hubs could join in on the partaking of Sabbath but incredibly thankful he has a job especially at a place like WM.

PS 52:
David wrote this Psalm in response to Doeg telling Saul that he had been to see Abimelech. The story of David going to the priest Abimelech and the fall out of it all is another one of those things that's just crazy to understand. In it all though you see the character of Doeg the Edomite. The condition of his heart makes you just want to shudder. I don't believe one starts off in this condition even though we all are born as sinners into this world. This kind of wickedness can only be produced by continually walking further and further away from the Lord. Sin never starts off as this beastly monstrous thing. Yet as we continue to dabble in it, it can grow into horrific things.

Fading fast so will end on a high note:

But I am like an olive tree, thriving in the house of God. I will always trust in God's unfailing love. (Psalm 52:8 NLT)

There is no true thriving apart from the Lord. I'm not sure the time when David actually wrote this Psalm but if he wrote it during the period of time when he was fleeing from Saul that's pretty amazing. This is the kind of thriving hope we can have in Christ though. Even when the worst of the storms hits us if we are walking with God we can continue to rejoice and thrive in His house. May I always trust in the wonderful unfailing love of our of wonderful God!


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Friday, October 28, 2011

DAY 462: PS 51

Just call me crabby patty. It's crazy how easy it can be to spend days upon days completely and utterly self absorbed. I'm exhausted 24/7, uncomfortable and just looking at food gives me heartburn but I have much reason to rejoice and celebrate. I could be feeling this way because I'm fighting for life from some horrible disease yet instead I've been blessed with yet another miracle. I've got enough insane hormones running through my veins to kill a herd of cattle but I am blessed. I've been forgiven and redeemed when I deserved nothing but death and destruction. Based on that very fact alone I have not a thing to grumble or complain about.

This evening was just more of the same selfishness. My desire to fold laundry and watch the game trumped an opportunity to love. Even if the Rangers had won tonight, watching the dumb game was not at all more important than loving on my family. I blew an opportunity to make some fun memories with my Brownies and instigate a night of fun watching the game together. I won't remember this game tomorrow but I had an opportunity to etch a night of love on sweet little hearts that could have lasted a lifetime. Big error made by me.

PS 51:
David wrote this Psalm after Nathan had revealed his sin about Bathsheba. I love this Psalm. Not only is it more insight into David's heart for God it's a beautiful picture of humility. I pray that my own sin revealed would invoke the same responses in me some day.


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Thursday, October 27, 2011

DAY 461: PS 50

I got nothing today. My brain is completely broken and I think I've officially hit the volcanic state which always hits towards the end of baby baking. WM was so sweet and did a really fun Halloween Party for staff kids. I'm not one to get overwhelmed but I just walked around in a daze and had a hard time answering simple questions. Things are going down hill fast as the Twix sugar crash is now taking affect.

This psalm is about God's judgement and how He does not need the lame sacrifices of those who choose to walk in ways other than God's. Just as a fun verse:

"Consider this, you who forget God,
or I will tear you to pieces, with none to rescue: (Psalm 50:22 NIV84)

Um wow! Those are some strong words. God is a loving and merciful and He desires that no one would perish but He is also a just God. If you choose not to walk in His ways the future is incredibly grim. I do not want to be on the receiving end of God's wrath and I'm so thankful to be on the receiving end of His abundant grace.

So glad this Psalm does not end on the above verse but rather ends with this one.

He who sacrifices thank offerings honors me, and he prepares the way
so that I may show him the salvation of God." (Psalm 50:23 NIV84)

I pray that this would fuel me to not waste a single opportunity to share the gospel.


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Wednesday, October 26, 2011

DAY 460: PS 49

Can't seem to get away from the word humility. Frankly, if I'm pursuing Christ that word should always be at the forefront. Am I acting out of a spirit of humility should be a question I ask myself throughout the day. Kay touched on this well today.

Great talk with Les last night. While preparing for BB last week I was convicted and reminded of the areas of my life that I have not been willing to be submissive with my husband. Part of my reluctancy to talk to Les about his thoughts on the current commitments I'm involved with has been wanting to keep those things for myself. I've been holding onto things not willing to offer up my entire self and be fully submissive. It's taken me so long to have this conversation and ask for forgiveness because of my lack of humility. Hard to want to admit my selfish pride.

Well, tonight has turned out to be quite the drama filled evening. Joshua had some pretty serious poop issues. Never been so thankful for a kid to poop in my life. Contracting like crazy and exhausted so I'm calling it quits, I've had my fill of drama for today.


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Tuesday, October 25, 2011

DAY 459: 1 TIM 2

Set my God alarm last night but failed once again to rise before the kids. Les has been great about getting up and getting breakfast going and I've grown lazy. I love being able to start our mornings together as a family praying and eating the most important bread of the day together. My kids have grown so accustomed to cracking open the Word for breakfast and lunch at home, that if we're slow at draw they ask for it. I hope that desire to hear God's Word is a constant through out their lives.

The theme of pride and humility is still on the forefront of my heart. Todd's words "grace is abundant in humility" still keeps resounding in my head. Humility is the key to not becoming a Pharasee. We are all in process and all of our stories are so incredibly beautiful. God has been so gentle and patient with me in this area of my life. I've been convinced that this lesson was going to be taught with a hard handedly, yet it's been anything but that. It's been painful to have to be faced with my arrogance and pride and how incredibly ugly it is yet its been revealed with such tenderness and love. So very thankful for God's sweet mercy and that He is so faithful when I am so not. I've got a long road to walk in this area but I'm thankful for a loving Father whose willing to walk the road with me.

1 TIM 2:
Such greatness in this chapter. I will admit that this chapter used to cause much anger and resentment not so long ago. It's crazy how much work God has done the past 9 or so years. Why God would choose such a rebellious self destructive mess of a girl to call His own I'll never understand. There are no words to express my gratitude that despite rejection after rejection, He continued to pursue and woo me back to Him. Once again left completely undone by His amazing love. I need to do my BS homework so once again I'm leaving this side high and dry. I will leave with this beautiful insight into God and submission from David Guzik.

v. This idea of authority and submission to authority are so important to God that they are part of His very being. The First Person of the Holy Trinity is called the Father; the Second Person of the Holy Trinity is called the Son. Inherent in those titles is a relationship of authority and submission to authority. The Father exercises authority over the Son, and the Son submits to the Father's authority - and this is in the very nature and being of God. Our failure to exercise Biblical authority, and our failure to submit to Biblical authority, isn't just wrong and sad - it sins against the very nature of God. 1 Samuel 15:23 speaks to this same principle: For rebellion is as the sin of witchcraft.


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Monday, October 24, 2011

DAY 458: PS 48

Had a date with my littlest man to Target today. I was walking through the toys trying to get ideas for Christmas. All of it can be incredibly much and nauseating. The balance of not wanting to be a legalistic martyr or an entitled consumer is not an easy road to walk. All of it just makes me want to run and move to a much simpler place. There is nobody in my world or my kids that lack a single thing. I think the majority of us have rooms devoted to containing kid play and toy sprawl. We ourselves have a school/playroom. When I really stop and think about this it's really mind blowing. It feels as if we need this space too. We do need an area to do school BUT we've always had some kind of playroom space. We've "needed" it too for ALL their toys. I'm really wrestling with all of this. Not swerving to the left or the right is so incredibly difficult. Maybe part of the lesson here is to increase my gratitude quotient. To truly stop more often to be thankful for the daily provision. To lift hands and voice and thank the Father of heavenly lights who bestows many blessings.4

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Sunday, October 23, 2011

DAY 457: PS 47

Feeling a little better today so I'm thankful. Contrax picking up in intensity which is a great reminder that the finishing line is near. Cant believe we'll have another itty bitty soon. Lots of snuggling with my Brownies today. Can't believe how big they are all getting. Speaking of snuggling, just for authenticity sake, my girl has been triggering me like crazy. I hate having the urge to want to shove her off of me. I'd much rather snuggle with the boys than with her, at least right now. It stinks admitting that but it's my reality.

Rangers on tv and exploding transformers have created just enough distraction to keep me from being able to keep my thoughts straight. Still feeling creeped out from my oldest too. Hate that!

Sing praise all the nations. Sing praise! This is the bottom line of this psalm and what a great message on a beautiful Sabbath.

For the Lord Most High is awesome,
the great King over all the earth. (Psalm 47:2 NIV)

He is indeed awesome! What a great message from Todd today on the awesomeness of His wonderful grace.


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Saturday, October 22, 2011

DAY 456: PS 46

I feel like the poster child for birth control right now. I feel so incredibly gross and uncomfortable and i look like something that has crawled out of a slimy pit. However, I feel beyond blessed and thankful. My sweet husband has served me all weekend even after coming off a week of really having to pick up slack for me. My kids are healthy and the reasons for feeling so awful is because of a sweet baby girl that we'll get to meet in 4-7 weeks.

Feeling yuck isn't even the hard part. Feeling like a lazy slob who can't take more than ten steps away from the couch is the problem. I want to be awesome like I think Michelle Duggar is. That woman doesn't seem to miss a beat and I feel as if I shouldn't either. There have been so many lessons God has taught me over the last 8 months. Thankful.

Beautiful and convicting chapter. I've been so wrapped up in what I don't have strength to do the last several days. Oh how quickly and easily I forget. I just saw God show up like crazy on Thursday and yet on Friday and Saturday all I can focus on is myself. Really? It's just that easy to forget the simple truths. Everything else, including self, screams so loud that it's hard to hear His quiet whisper. There are so many distractions that compete for my attention and more often than not, they win.


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Friday, October 21, 2011

DAY 455: PS 45

Not a whole lot of energy today. Lots of sleeping and sitting on the couch. Our house is a wreck but everybody is alive and well so I'll chalk today up as a success. We finally busted out the fire pit and look forward to weekly Fire Pit Fridays. It was good getting back out in the front yard and chatting with our neighbors. One of our neighbors had her first s'more tonight with us. Good times!

I'm really torn on this chapter. It's supposed to be a wedding song. At face value it possesses much beauty. When I assign David's name to the king frankly it holds little value to me. The bride is just one of many and the adoration and idea of being a cherished bride seems very fleeting. It's almost as if this woman is the new toy of the month and the King's fulfillment and joy in her will quickly fade. She will join the ranks of the other forgotten woman. Obviously, I still have man hate issues to work through. The thought of women being used just makes me want to puke in my mouth.

When taken from the view of the King being the King of Kings it's crazy to think that God views us like this bride and the sheer joy of being united with Him. He takes us, the sin stained bride, and He clothes us in beautiful righteousness and He adores us. I don't get why He would ever choose this sinful woman but I am so thankful for my most merciful bridegroom.

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Thursday, October 20, 2011

DAY 454: PSALM 44

I am so stinking tired. Went to bed at a decent time but Womb Baby and two little boys made sleep difficult last night. Felt yuck this morning and feared I was coming down with the latest stomach bug. By the time I hit WM I felt lightheaded and felt like I was going to pass out. If I hadn't needed to go Building Blocks I would have spent the morning on the couch huddled amongst Brownies while watching Elmo teach school. I love that my morning didn't go smoothly prior to taking the mic and once again I wasn't well rehearsed and polished. Anything useful that came out of my mouth had nothing to do me. The fact I didn't pass out, puke or have to speak sitting in a chair just proved all the more that this morning had nothing to do with me. Thankful for the opportunity and thankful that God squashed any of my attempts at vanity.

Tapped out and for once don't have much to say. This verse is how I feel about this morning.

Vs 3:
They didn't win the land with their swords.
They didn't gain success with their powerful arms.
Your powerful right hand and your mighty arm gave them success.
You looked on them with favor. You loved them. (Psalm 44:3 NIRV-ENG)


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Wednesday, October 19, 2011

DAY 453: PS 43

Naps are a fail so I have a Thomas amount of time to get this done. Thinking about my response to no naps today verses other times and I realize I blow it often. This morning I set my alarm for 6:30am. I knew the good I ought to do but was able to rationalize that the extra sleep would be needed in order to be fresh tomorrow. When will I learn that obedience is always better than disobedience. God has never let me down and provides exactly what I need in the moment if I'm willing to lean into Him as opposed to myself. Today at during the talk at BS Lucina said "apart from God we can do nothing". I've heard this time after time but today it sunk in. When I am more concerned about being self reliant I can do nothing. When I look to find provision apart from God I can do nothing. Our time is so fleeting and short. I want the things I invest my time in to be something not nothing. I pray that God busts open my self reliance. I completely fear what that might look like but I fear continuing to be deceived that relying on self is better more.

It's not surprising but I've yet to sit down and craft my talk for tomorrow. I won't be as polished and impressive as I'd like but that's all vanity anyway. I mentioned my lack of prep to a couple people on my team in passing and received the best compliments I could ask for. More than anything I want to be known for my passion for Jesus. When I die I want the talk that buzzes around my funeral to be about how much I loved Christ and how everything in my life was marked by the reckless abandon of running after Him no matter the cost. The last couple years I've entered into a love relationship like no other. I want others to taste and see how incredibly good it is. I have found the treasure in the field and I'm willing to give up everything to have it as my own. So weepy today. Slightly concerned I may start blubbering tomorrow.

This Psalm is short and sweet. David once again is feeling the crushing weight of opposition yet clings to the hope and the joy he has in the Lord.

Love this verse:
Then I will go to the altar of God,
to God, my joy and my delight.
I will praise you with the lyre,
O God, my God. (Psalm 43:4 NIV)

To God, my joy and my delight. May He be just that to all of us. May we find great joy and delight in His presence.


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DAY 452: 1 TIM 1

Head is churning once again. It's been an interesting couple of days. Being in a beautiful house in HP and hearing the beautiful heart of the owner and processing whether or not going on government assistance is something we should do since we qualify. All that tied into a longing of wanting to live more simplistically. We are reading the Swiss Family Robinson book right now as a family and it's just plain awesome. I don't want to go live on a deserted island anytime soon but I do grow weary of this Dallas life. It's hard not to laugh about writing this as I'm typing to the glow of my iPhone. I think we have a slower pace than some but the constant connectedness, the shuffling from this thing to that, this meeting, that meeting, yada, yada, blah, blah, steals soul space, adds stress and chaos, and robs joy. Even "good" things can be in excess. I think my buddy Solomon would agree. Maybe Sol's 12 chapters of the meaningless chasing after the wind has hit me harder than I thought. I don't want to chase after the wind. I want to run after Jesus instead.

1 Tim 1:
I know I say this every time I start a new Pauline Epistle but I LOVE me some Paul. I love the dude's passion of Jesus. If I could meet anybody in the bible hands down it would be Paul. I'm sure it's sad that I would rather meet Paul over Jesus. I don't know I think I would crumble into a million pieces if I met Jesus. All I can think about is looking into the most loving eyes I've ever seen and knowing that daily I drive the spikes right into his hands and feet.
This leads me to such an amazing verse in this chapter.

Vs 15:
This is a trustworthy saying, and everyone should accept it: "Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners"—and I am the worst of them all. (1 Timothy 1:15 NLT)

Paul is not a pushover by any means and he speaks truth like nobody's business. However, the man lives up to his name and he's incredibly humble. Paul also loved people like crazy mad. The more I understand what love truly is, the more I realize I really stink at loving others. To love is to die and let's just say there's a lot that still needs to be killed off.

I want to go on and on but since it's nearing 2am I reckon sleep would probably do a body good.


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Monday, October 17, 2011

DAY 451: PSALM 42

Thankful for the sweet blessings of today. Time spent with a beloved friend who also rescued my booty literally today. I could not have created better weather today myself. It was beautiful outside today, topped off with thunderstorms and the promise of cool temps tomorrow is awesome! Tonight I ate an incredible meal prepared by my BS leader and got to hear the stories of some pretty incredible women. Not only that I had a nice serving of humble pie as well. Love the gentle teaching God is bestowing on me on humility. I know I've still got a lot of hard lessons to learn. The weight of my sinful pride is becoming more painful but I'm very grateful to know He is transforming me.

I love how God is weaving this incredibly rich and beautiful picture of who He is and what it means to follow Him right before my eyes. His Words continually tie together to tell an incredible story of His grace and love. If you are not in His beautiful words daily I urge you to push past the reasons that keep you from it and dive in. Dive in daily and drink in deeply. The time you spend will be payed back with more reward than you can ever imagine. Take a moment to temporarily stop chasing the wind and eat the only bread that can truly satisfy like no other.

I just got done reading Ecclesiastes where Solomon goes on and on about how life can be so incredibly meaningless. He hits on some amazing truths but it seems as if he lacks the passion behind what makes this life truly meaningful. David nails it in this Psalm and as usual it ties in beautifully with Job and James.

All this Job business is really starting to make me wonder. I've struggled with "bottom falling out disease" for most of my life. I've bargained with God explaining to Him the things I feel as if I could handle and the things I've begged to be able to hold onto in fear. There are things I still pray would never happen but I've let go of my grip on everything. Nothing has ever been mine to keep anyway and I know God enough now to trust Him with everything. I don't need to bargain or even speculate as to why God's been teaching me about His goodness even in the midst of storms. I just need to be willing to lift my hands in praise in every circumstance.

In this Psalm David is walking in a valley. Yet he meditates on God's goodness and the times that were so good. He clings to God knowing that the period of walking in the midst of a storm is only for a period of time. It's God who makes the awful times bearable and God that makes the good times so full.


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Sunday, October 16, 2011

DAY 450: E 12

Today was not a picture perfect Sabbath but my heart was willing. Exhausted today after a fun but tiring weekend. It's hard for me not to be able to conquer the world and have to take things at such a slow pace. I'm beyond thankful for the reason of my slow pace and the growth the struggle has produced. Very thankful today and with that in mind this Sabbath has been a success despite it not looking the way I would want it to.

Tonight at WM was great. I haven't been to service in awhile and it was so very good to be there tonight. I love me some Wagner so it was good to hear him completely in his element.

E 12:
This chapter wraps up the book of Ecclesiastes. Funny how Todd's sermon tonight was exactly what this book was all about. Enjoy what God has given but remember that nothing can satisfy longing the way that Christ can. On that I bow out early tonight. No need for lofty words. Could not possibly say it better than Todd did tonight anyway.


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Saturday, October 15, 2011

DAY 449: E 11

Glad I went to Raise the Mark tonight. Got to pray with a sweet little fourth grader and I was reminded how God is ever present in His provision even when we are still yet so young. I long to treasure my days with my sweet ones more than I do, knowing that the time passes by ever so quickly. I often get bogged down in the mire and forget to treasure and embrace every moment even the hard ones.

It occurred to me today that I had managed to spend most of my day more concerned about the to do list in my head and getting into bed for a nap. I was rude instead of loving to my husband at lunch and my oldest sons constant whining and fit throwing made me want to pull out my hair. All of this in light of the day after the fair is understandable but goodness what a total miss. Praying for my heart tomorrow, that I would truly embrace the Sabbath and throw my own agenda aside so that I might truly love, embrace the moments God has so richly blessed me with and give thanks.

E 11:
I really enjoyed the first several chapters of Ecclesiastes but I'm struggling with these last few chapters. I don't know if I'm done with all the it's all meaningless gab or if it's because I just can't make sense of what in the world Sol is talking about. Either way I can't wrap my head around this chapter. I once again read commentary to try to make some sense of the pieces. Some of it I'm still a little lost on but finally was able to connect on a couple verses.

Vs 4:
Whoever watches the wind will not plant; whoever looks at the clouds will not reap. (Ecclesiastes 11:4 NIV)

In light of some good commentary I really like this verse. On my own I might have taken it as another the lazy man won't eat kinda verses. This is not the fullness of this verse. Sol is trying to get across the point that we mustn't over analyze everything in life least we be paralyzed to live. Circumstances must be viewed as just that, circumstances. We shouldn't base decisions solely on the perfect situation or by the circumstances surrounding us. We don't want to act rashly or foolishly but if we've prayed about something and put it before our community then we should act on instead of trying over analyze every little thing.


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Friday, October 14, 2011

DAY 448: E 10

Spent a lovely 9 hrs at the Fair today. Pretty confident I'm going to be hurting tomorrow. Wishing I hadn't signed up for Childcare for RTM because right now all it seems like is a big burden. I'm sure once it's all said and done I'll be incredibly thankful I went.

Heart was broken this evening at the condition of the city we live in. As darkness set upon the fair tonight, it was apparent that darkness truly reigned. The hard and hopeless look on so many of the people there tonight. No evidence of joy or the abundant life in most of the people there. I kept thinking about that scene in Pinocchio where the rebellious kids are tricked to come on the island of fun and no rules. It's great at first but in the end they find out that they were tricked. I felt helpless tonight feeling compelled to do something but at a complete loss of what to do. So I prayed. Prayed for our city, for the women so desperate to find love in all the wrong places and for the men to be courageous enough to seek out true manhood. May God truly the change hearts of this city to turn to Him so that they might know hope and peace that surpasses all understanding. I don't need to go to Africa to be the hands and feet of Christ, the walking dead are all around us.

E 10:
Could not get my brain to process this chapter so I some commentary on it. Glad I did because it made it come alive. Wish I could share but I'm going to join the rest of the BrownTown Tribe and sleep off the 9 hours of fair.


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Thursday, October 13, 2011

DAY 447: E 9

Hitting the State Fair tomorrow. I hate to say this but the leverage we've had with the kids today over going to the Fair has been greatness. I now completely understand why parents bust out Santa as a way to get their kiddos to behave. It's not all star parenting by any means but it got me a glorious 3 hour nap today. I think something must be amiss with the universe today but I'll take it!! I felt better for an entire hour after I work up but by the time 6:30 rolled around I was ready to crawl back in bed. Looking forward to feeling more myself in a mere 5 to 10 weeks. If it's closer to 10 weeks I might need some of you to step in with a little intervention to keep me from loosing my mind. I've never made it to my due date much less past it but I'm considering all things fair game with this pregnancy.

E 9:
Solomon continues to sound like Eeyore in this chapter. It's really sad to me that he possesses all the wisdom that he does and yet he misses it. He kinda gets things right about God but he misses out on the beautiful moments of joy and blessing God abundantly bestows on us. Sol hasn't figured out that our lives really are not about us. We were created to glorify God not the other way around. To Sol death is the end of all meaning. As a believer I feel like its in death we truly begin to live. The thought of death and the fact that we truly are but a vapor in this life should spur me on to tell others about Christ. There is much room for growth in this department. I do feel the urge to do or say something more frequently than I ever have. Really what it boils down to is being more concerned about making myself or somebody else feel awkward than truly loving somebody. That's really sad to me. I pray that God would continue to change my heart so that I might truly love.


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Wednesday, October 12, 2011

DAY 446: E 8

I don't know where to start or even if I should. I want to whine and moan about how most things are a struggle right now but at the same time I know I have a multitude of blessings that I should be thanking God for instead. I am growing weary of my carnal nature being so close to the surface 24/7. The constant battle is tiresome. Thankful, kinda, for an opportunity to grow in perseverance. I wish I was winning more victories but regardless I'm growing some muscles.

Next week I'm supposed to give a talk on how to keep your cool and I can't help but laugh. I feel like the last person who should be giving that talk. When I was asked if I would speak on the topic I was very hesitant but decided I'd at least pray about it. I heard God say in my hormonal pregnant state that He did not desire my perfection. I know this, but it's far from no longer being a struggle.

E 8:
I cant seem to get my head to work right today. I read it a couple times but it might as well be written in some obscure language. I'll take a crack at it anyway and see what comes out but it really could be anything so don't say I didn't warn you.

Vs 2-5 is instruction on obeying the king. With my awesome flesh being right on top my first reaction is that Sol can kiss my grits. He is the king after all writing about obeying the king. That doesn't get all up into my issues with authority at all. It's obnoxious that all my junk is so loud and proud right now.

When I'm able to dig deeper I am reminded that the act of submission is beautiful and it's just the kind of thing that helps keep a heart humble. God calls us to submit to the authorities above us after all He is the very one who allows those in authority to be placed there anyway. There is lots of disrespect that is flung all over about our leaders. I don't want to be another voice adding to the disrespect and to just plain divisiveness. I don't have to agree with decisions that are made and it's okay to have a voice when things are immoral. However, just like the example Daniel showed respect is the key.

Vs 6:
For there is a proper time and procedure for every matter,
though a person may be weighed down by misery. (Ecclesiastes 8:6 NIV)

I keep trying to really wrap my head around this verse but I just can't. The first half alone is easy enough. I do believe there is a proper time and procedure for everything. I only wish I would ask for wisdom about this instead of operating out of my own time table and my own way of doing things. The latter half of the verse is confusing and I can't seem to put the two together.

This folks is all I got for today. I am compelled to go do an Irish Jig around my living room since Jimmy forgot his darn legs at my house again.


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Tuesday, October 11, 2011

DAY 445: JAMES 5

Hubster has Ebola or The Gout or something. Had a meeting with two ladies at WM and after was going to grab lunch with Les. He looked like the green goblin and I mean that in the most loving way. Changed plans and took my Brownies to terrorize McD's so he could go home and rest. Thankfully, I can honestly say that I had a heart to serve him. That hasn't been the case in recent months as I've been wrapped up in my own self focused pregnant pity party. Even with a willing heart I realize I really stink at taking care of him. I often put the kids needs before his. Heck I often put my own needs before his. There's something wrong with the way I've got things ordered. Les would never complain but I still need to step it up.

I'm exhausted and uncomfortable and I want to go to bed instead of work on bible study stuff. Anybody want any cheese with my wine?

I am so stinking tired and don't think I'll be able to keep my eyes open long enough to do this tonight. I did read J5 and rocked some commentary. There are a few verses that seem to agree with some of the bull health, wealth and prosperity subscribers like to push. If you pray with enough faith then you will be healed. I hate how verses like these have been used to hurt people in the church or how people become disenchanted with God over it. The healing James is talking about is not just a physical healing. We can become spiritually broken in our illness. Job for example. His biggest problem wasn't due to his physical illness but the crisis remained when spiritually his heart was broken and sick. It wasn't due to sun on his part it's just where he landed after dealing with all the physical and emotional strife that he was going through. Have elders come around you and pray. Pray like crazy mad that the cancer will go away or the auto immune disease or whatever leaves but the healing God may grant may be spiritual as opposed to physical. There's plenty of examples of God healing the sick in the bible but there's also plenty of examples when God's answer to physical healing is no. In those times when the answer is no I'm thankful that God can and will heal a broken and crushed spirit.


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Monday, October 10, 2011

DAY 444: E 7

This is gonna be ugly so I might as well dive in. I'll start with my gross sinful self. Got angry at Paul today and sinned in my anger. The irony is I was angry about him not controlling his anger. The apple so doesn't fall far from the tree. I immediately asked for his forgiveness which of course he freely extended. I hate the angry that still lives in me. I'm okay with being angry at my kids but I want to grow to be self controlled enough to respond in love and grace even when I'm completely floored by something they have done. My boys need me to be firm but I need to be on my knees asking for gentleness daily. I hate that my sin impacts more than just me. So thankful for another opportunity to be humbled and for God's wonderful sweet amazing grace.

Found another thing my oldest had taken. I'm pretty confident the item was taken awhile back. I want to dismiss it since I've seen a change but I know that I can not. She knew that she had it and never confessed. We need her to learn that confession of wrong doing is the way God wants us to live. It's why I try to confess every time I know my anger got the best of me and I crossed a line I shouldn't have. My sin is ugly and I don't want to confess. I don't want to be honest about my prideful self seeking ways. Frankly, I know I have much more confession I need to make on a daily basis. Every time I choose not to do the good I ought to do I need to confess. I've walked in darkness for so long. I don't want to walk in the dark any longer.

Les and I have been talking lately about what to do about some influences we see on the lives of our kids that we know aren't the best. How do you love and open up your home while at the same time protect your kids? The answer is simple, it all goes back to love. I grew up avoiding conflict at all costs. I never wanted to rock the boat or upset anybody. Not wanting to upset somebody can easily be guided as wanting to "love" somebody. Really that has a lot more to do with loving myself than out of a heart willing to love others.

Last night as Les and I were talking I started thinking WWTD. What would Todd do? He is a truth teller and it's one of the many reasons why I am willing to gladly submit to his authority. Instead of asking WWTD I need to be asking how would Jesus respond. Jesus was love incarnate here on earth. He didn't know how to do anything but love God and love people. He spoke the truth even when the truth was often painful to hear. This is what I need to be doing with my neighbors. Instead of being concerned about them thinking I'm judging their stuff, I need to love them enough to be willing to jump right into the middle of their stuff. I need to be willing to ask tough questions and get right up into the muck with them. The question now is am I truly willing to love like that? I hope so and if I'm not I pray that I grow to become willing to love in that way.

E 7:
Great stuff loaded in this chapter. More parallel themes with James. There is one verse which gets my goat in this chapter though. Might as well start off with it so I can get onto bigger and better things.

Vs 28:
while I was still searching
but not finding—
I found one upright man among a thousand, but not one upright woman among them all. (Ecclesiastes 7:28 NIV)

Maybe if Solomon wasn't the author of this it wouldn't be so hard to swallow. I can't help but wonder if the reason why he can't find a single woman who is upright is because he's slept with them all. I want to kick him in the face! Women are good enough to get him off but he has yet to find a righteous woman? Obviously I still have issues to work through. The thought of men just using women makes me crazy. I can't help but notice the lack of righteous men too. Sol was king. He was placed in a position to teach his people what it meant to live a righteous life. Sad that he missed this awesome opportunity.

Heartburn is killing me softly and I'm confident the frozen cookie dough in my fridge will be my saving grace. Since I've already written a novel I'm going to try to wrap this up.

Vs 9:
Do not be quickly provoked in your spirit, for anger resides in the lap of fools. (Ecclesiastes 7:9 NIV)

The first time I read this verse it really struck me. I either need to memorize this verse or have it tattooed in bold letters across my forehead. I pray that as God continues to heal and restore me that I would be slow to anger. That I would no longer be the fool who sits and strokes anger on her lap. May my anger that which is righteous not self righteous.

Vs 3:
Frustration is better than laughter,
because a sad face is good for the heart. (Ecclesiastes 7:3 NIV)

Here lies the James parallel. Solomon this wise king knew that it's during strife and struggle that our heart grows strength. A sad face is good for the heart. Slowly but surely learning that the trials of this life produce the most growth and the exquiste beauty.

Vs 14:
When times are good, be happy;
but when times are bad, consider this:
God has made the one
as well as the other.
Therefore, no one can discover
anything about their future. (Ecclesiastes 7:14 NIV)

This is really good but it's super hard. Tonight my thoughts are consumed with a little girl who has begun her first day of hardcore daily chemo for 10 months. It's hard to think about God giving this to a family and being able to find joy in it. There are so many hard and difficult things in this world and frankly a lot of it is just plain hard to understand. Yet I cling to the fact that God is good in His Sovereignty even when little precious girls are sold as sex slaves, are diagnosed with incurable brain tumors and are fighting against leukemia. This world is not as it should be but even in the darkest shadows God will be glorified.

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Sunday, October 09, 2011

DAY 443: E6

Yet another morning filled with tv. Can't shake this exhaustion and overall gross feeling. I must be pregnant or something. Completely and totally worth it and the kids love being able to indulge in tv watching. They look pretty stinking cute all cuddled up together. Love these kids!

While reading the Swiss Family Robinson I got a pretty beautiful picture of Sabbath. This family had tons to do to set up a secure shelter, work on a steady food source, protection, ect. However, on Sunday they stopped their toil and had a service together as a family. They sang together, the father told them a story which applied to all of their boys and then he reads scripture. The father later went to each boy and talked and prayed through the story and scripture for each boy. The rest of the day instead of toiling they rested and made room to give thanks for the way God had sustained them for the week. Really loved the picture of this and the idea of ceasing to toil in order to turn a heart towards thanksgiving.

On another exciting note we ran into our neighbor last night and talked to her about church and how we'd love to have her come with us every week but that we'd either been sick or I had been serving. I didn't want to invite her to church only to have to sit by herself. She's very interested in going to WM and asked if she could go by herself. Very encouraged by this! I don't want to miss out on an opportunity to share the gospel with my neighbors only to find out it is too late.

E 6:
This verse sums up this chapter perfectly:

What good is it for someone to gain the whole world, yet forfeit their soul? (Mark 8:36 NIV)

Solomon talks about what a waste it is for a man to have everything one could ever want and yet fail to enjoy their prosperity due to an insatiable appetite for the world. There's always a hunger and a desire to feast on something that will fill the ache of the void we all feel without Christ. Solomon says it would be better to have been a stillborn child than to live a meaningless life like this. Great stuff and good gut check to evaluate what I am holding onto as important and if it truly is important. Do I have an insatiable appetite that I'm trying to feed apart from God? All around these are great things to ponder and think about.


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Saturday, October 08, 2011

DAY 442: E 5

My phone is about to die and my own battery is about to shutdown as well. I felt trapped in Eeyore or Sally the Sloth's body all day long. Only 6 to 9 weeks left to bake this baby. Still can't believe this kid is not going to have a penis.

E 5:
Interesting how much this chapter goes along with themes found in James. The chapter starts off by urging people to go into God's house ready to shut their mouth, keep their meaningless sacrifice to themselves and to actually listen. These verses then morph into verses about controlling the mouth and not being loosed lipped. Think about the words that spew out of your mouth, and don't make worthless vows, especially to God. I need to hear the just shut your mouth and listen message. Stop being a prideful fool and open your ears to hear what God would have you learn. Wonder if I can get that tattooed on one of my arms or my forehead, "shutup and listen". My kids would probably be upset that I wrote an S-Bomb on my body.

The chapter continues chatting about how wealth is not all that and a bag of chips. One verse is so great. Basically it says what good is it to be able to consume more goods just so you have more things to just look at. This is so great and a great litmus test to figure out if I really need the junk I think I need. Is it just going to sit around and collect dust or be something else I have to upkeep and manage, or is it really something I need?

Going to stop here before I miss the opportunity to send this out. Till tomorrow.


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Friday, October 07, 2011

DAY 441: E 4

I'm tired but a good tired. Struggled with moments of grumpiness and selfishness this afternoon. Glad that at least in those moments I am able to see it, even though it's painful. Would be great to always ooze patience, gratitude and a heart willing to love and sacrifice. My selfish nature is sometimes hard to overcome.

Really enjoyed the BB talk today. I'm a nerd and get geeked up about learning more about personality types. It's fun to see a common personality type that runs through out all of BrownTown and yet discover the different aspects of each of us as well. More thankful today for the unique ways God created my kids to be. Seeing the diversity in my kids personalities is one of the things I love about having a bigger family. I don't always cherish and value the differences I see though. It's awesome knowing God created us all with unique personalities to accomplish His plans. It's even cooler knowing that in all the personality types out there God represents them all with out the darkened of their weaknesses. God's image is expressed in every single one of us. It's beautiful.

Feel like we've been getting our old fashion on in BrownTown lately and I kinda like it. Right now we're reading The Swiss Family Robinson to the kids and God is such an integral part of the book my kids though I was reading the bible at first. Abbie was excited that a book that wasn't the bible could be so centered around God. Speaking of that girl, it's been amazing to see the change taking place in her heart. So thankful we stood our ground.

We watched Pollyanna tonight as a family as part of what we've been learning about light. Never seen the movie before but was a great one to watch together as a family. There were lots of great handles to talk to the kids about. The cartoon that was put before the movie was questionable but other than that it was greatness. The cartoon of question was a great reminder that there has been junk dropped into kids cartoons and shows for a long time. I don't want to have a DVD or cd burning party but as a parent you can't be lax about what you allow your kids to consume. Frankly, as a parent I can't be lax about what I consume either. Nothing has changed my standards about what I watch more than having kiddos. If I wouldn't want them watching as a teen then I surely don't need to be watching either. Hoping I won't get a conviction notice about Parks and Rec.

E 4:
Not exactly thrilled about rooting around in this chapter either. There's good stuff here it's just hard to push past the depressing nature of it. There really are some awful and wicked things that occur in this world. The suffering that some endure is great. Sometimes it is hard to understand why some things are allowed by God to happen. It does seem that for some to have never been born would have been much better. Yet the more I grow to know God the more at peace I become with not knowing the reason why some things happen. God is good all the time.


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Thursday, October 06, 2011

DAY 440: E3

Lack of sleep made my heart incredibly grumpy. Thankfully I logged almost 10 hrs last night. Feeling better but not completely caught up yet. Logged a good day at school too which feels good after almost a week of just doing the bare minimum. Not caught up on the house yet but hopefully I'll be able to get after the inch of goo that has accumulated on our floors sometime this weekend.

I was talking to Les about my inability to keep on top of it after a decent run and he had mentioned how nothing was going on during the summer and I had more time. I had not even factored in Bible Study and three time a month BB events Into the equation. Throw in school and the time it takes to stay on top of planning, ect and of course the house is going to pot. I probably need to do some praying and reassess my schedule.

E 3:
Really not wanting to write about this chapter tonight. No real reason other than laziness and lack of brain power. The task just seems daunting tonight. Maybe it might even feel a bit like monotony or like chasing the wind.

Vs 1-8:
There's a time for everything. With every up, there's a down. These could seem a bit depressing depending on whether you are a glass is half full or empty kind of person. I'm grateful for God's Sovereignty in all of this. All the times of life that have been created are set in motion by the very creator of all things. That's pretty comforting and gives reason for all the times that are in the valley.

Vs 11:
He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end. (Ecclesiastes 3:11 NIV)

He has made everything beautiful in its time. I truly believe that God does this with everything. He can turn even the darkest of situations into something incredibly beautiful.

He has set eternity in the human heart. This is so true. You can see people searching for this eternity in all the wrong places when they are not walking with Christ. I looked everywhere to fill that very void and yet it was written all over my heart. I can't help but think of the darn bird tattooed on my back. I was completely lost and looking for something, anything to make life seem meaningful. Even though I was running completely in the opposite direction of God I somehow deep inside new the only thing that could bring my true peace was God. It was so ingrained on my heart that I had it tattooed on my very back. It looks very beautiful amongst my stretch marks from pregnancy.

Vs 13:
That each of them may eat and drink, and find satisfaction in all their toil—this is the gift of God. (Ecclesiastes 3:13 NIV)

To find satisfaction in the toil. There's no other way to do this apart from God. I think this is a huge blessing if we can master how to do this. The key to finding satisfaction in the toil is gratitude. I need to train my heart to do less grumbling and more praising.

Vs 14:
I know that everything God does will endure forever; nothing can be added to it and nothing taken from it. God does it so that people will fear him. (Ecclesiastes 3:14 NIV)

What an awesome God we serve! This verse is greatness.


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Wednesday, October 05, 2011

DAY 439: E2

Obviously this is the week where I learn to survive on five or less hours of sleep. I have a feeling this will fast track me to CrazyTown after awhile but I'm sure there is something to be learned during all of this. While I am learning the importance of rest more and more what's even more important than physical rest, is learning how to rest in Him. He can take my four hours and multiply it or provide provision for the day if I'm willing to remain in Him. These lessons are so good for me since most days I operate out of self reliance and what my coffee cup can offer me.

Last night my CG asked about an outburst of flesh at our last meeting. I couldn't put my finger on an actual cause other than just exhaustion and most probably a lack of a willingness to submit to God. Thinking about it has been a good reminder that God is doing a crazy work in me. Although there is still outbursts of sheer ugliness and I'm still an incredibly sinful beast there is a mighty work of refining that God is doing in my heart and in my mind. It also is a great reminder that daily I must choose to follow Christ. That ugly and raw fleshly being still resides in me, it just becomes more and more restrained when I choose to walk in truth in light. Yet it wouldn't take much to fall back into patterns of this world and my own fleshly desires.
I see the battle in this and the sheer importance of submitting to God and resisting the devil. There's a constant war raging in which I constantly need to be taking thoughts captive, rejecting truth and fleshly responses and clinging to what pure, noble, right and true.

E 2:
Not sure how well I'll be able to concentrate with a chatty Lukeypotamus In my lap. I love and adore this kid.

This chapter attacks the assumption that chasing after things of this world will lead to happiness. Solomon takes a season and chases after pleasures of this world. He denies himself nothing. He eats, drinks, takes in every worldly comfort you can imagine, woman included and still finds that at the end of all that, it still amounts to nothing more than chasing after the wind.

He dives into work. Building and creating things that will outlast him for years and years to come. He works hard at being King and setting up an impressive empire. He amasses buildings and more wealth than any king before him. Yet, he realizes that at the end of the day somebody else will take over the empire and the wealth he has amassed. He can't take with him work accomplishments or wealth that he has accumulated. Once again he realizes that chasing after those things is like trying to catch the wind.

This is great perspective on the never ending to do list. When I view my list as this never ending list of tasks to check off and complete, it not only feels like just chasing the wind but it is just chasing the never ending when. However, if I would go about the things that must be done with a heart to move closer to God and to love then the meaninglessness of it all goes away. If I view the never ending mess of the kitchen as an opportunity to give thanks for God's constant provision of food and water, the mundane and routine disappear. When I go about laundry again as an opportunity to give thanks, to marvel at the way God has provided clothing, and pray for the people who have blessed us with clothing, the mindless never-ending nature of laundry disappears. I wish that I actually did this more often than not. If I truly embraced every daily task with that mindset my life would be transformed. God help me to reach this goal which often seems unattainable. Heal me of my self focused chasing after the wind and help me to run full force after you instead. Help me in my foolish ways to choose you over everything else.


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Tuesday, October 04, 2011

DAY 438: E 1

The tv has been on all day long. Paul took a dance with a puke bug last night. He may have missed it the first time around but he made up for lost time. Poor kid puked for hours. The feeling of watching your child suffer and not being able to do anything about it is awful. Haven't seen one of my Brownies get a bug that bad in awhile. Our entire crew just can't seem to shake this funky cold we've had and nobody in BrownTown is 100 percent. Hoping this day of lounging and rest will get us closer to being back to normal. Today would be a great day to get caught up on things around here but I'm moving at a pace slower than a snail and snuggling is so good. Yesterday when a Mentor Mom talked about being able to spend just 15 minutes with her son my heart hurt. I often crave just 15 minutes of solo time but there might be a day when I would jump through flaming hoops to have just 15 minutes with my babies. The start of Kinder brings that home all too well. There were wet eyes around the room from the Mommas with school kids. Even with Abbie at home it still at the front of my mind that time with these sweet ones is short. I don't want that time to be spent on things that are meaningless. I'm sure all day Movieathons are not the best use of time but sometimes they are just plain needed.

E 1:
Just for accountability sake I've yet to do homework for James 3&4 or memorize verses. Ah, the ultimate slacker. Hoping to hit James 4 during the Toy Story Trilogy we've got going on over here.

This chapter on the front side can seem incredibly depressing. We live, we toil and then we die. Solomon focused too much on the things he could fix his eyes upon here on earth. I imagine he wrote this in his latter years as he walked further and further away from the Lord. Frankly, without Christ I completely understand where he is coming from. I came to this place many times in my life. What's the point of this life if all there is is suffering and pain? I felt this so much I was ready to check out of hotel earth. A life with God revealed everything. We begin to see beauty in places that we never realized existed in the midst of pain. This beauty does not fade like the flowers of the field.

Vs 14.
I've seen what is done on this earth. It doesn't have any meaning. It's like chasing the wind. (Ecclesiastes 1:14 NIRV-ENG)

Without Christ this is exactly the view people should have. Life is meaningless and is just like chasing of the wind. The closer I grow to God the more I'm able to see that this couldn't be further from the truth. Although I don't understand most of the reasons for why things happen if I'm willing to look and search deeper I can see God's finger prints all over.

I leave this chapter incredibly thankful for the work God has done in my life. I am thankful that even though I completely understand where Solomon is coming from this is no longer my view of this earth. This world stinks and I'm trying like mad not to be apart of it but life is beautiful and I truly believe even out of the darkest of situations God can make things beautiful and meaningful.


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Monday, October 03, 2011

DAY 437: JAMES 4

I was thinking about whining about my sciatic nerve being a pain when it occurred to me that possible Jacob walked with pain and a limp with every step. May I be reminded with every painful step right now that to truly live abundantly I need to completely rely on the One who created me and gave me eternal life.

My phone is about to die which is fine since my head is spinning once again. I think it would be hard to put a nice pretty bow on all the churnings of my heart right now. This verse in James spoke most to me today.

Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. (James 4:14 NIV)

I make too many plans. Plans are not a bad thing but I'm beginning to realize that more and more I need to hold loosely to my own hopes, dreams and desires. The entire course of our lives can be changed on a dime. The less I hold onto what I want for my life the easier it will be to follow after Him wholeheartedly despite where He may lead me. It's an interesting paradox knowing that you must live for the moment God has blessed you with today yet with the mindset of eternity.

I desperately want to be more like Him. To experience things the way He did. Counting everything as a blessing and truly embracing what life should be about. I want new eyes that can see. I want a new heart that lives like He lives. I want to inhale Jesus. I know that sounds creepy but I want to know what it means to truly live here on earth. Instead most days all I'm doing is dying. I want to know this prize that I'm running towards.


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Sunday, October 02, 2011


Oy! Third Trimester came and smacked me with a big ole stick today. At this rate not sure if I'll be able to walk by the end of the week. Never been to a chiropractor but think it's time to check one out. Very thankful for the reason for my aches and pains.

More sad news today. This time about a sweet precious newborn baby boy. Life is so incredibly fragile. How any of it fits together perfectly is an absolute miracle. Very interesting being in this mindset and reading through Ecclesiastes. This verse sums up a lot of the tone of this book well.

E 1:2:
"Meaningless! Meaningless!"
says the Teacher.
"Utterly meaningless!
Everything is meaningless." (Ecclesiastes 1:2 NIV)

At first glanse this book appears rather depressing but read lots of gems through out this book. I look forward to parting ways with Psalms for a bit to really dive in chapter by chapter. One theme popped up that I was surprised at and hadn't remember. Basically, Sol wrote about how difficult times should be more coveted than times of happiness because difficult times are better for the heart. I'm completely butchering that but it goes beautifully with the study of James. I still would much rather be in a place where the world is all as it should be than in the deep depths of a valley. Yet I know that it's the most difficult times that draws us nearer to the heart of God. (Yikes!)

Jazzed about jumping into this book. Think it goes really well with the theme of BB this year. I don't want to live my life and look back wondering why I focused all my time and energy on the meaningless things in life. I want to set my eyes on the Big Picture that is so incredibly easy to miss. I don't want to live my life just chasing the wind. I want to learn how to bring it all back to Jesus even the meaningless mundane tasks that are never ending. I think this is where Sol missed it. Even the things that seem like the most meaningless of tasks can have meaning when framed upon the cross.


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Saturday, October 01, 2011

DAY 435: PSALM 41

Disenchanted with this chapter tonight. Reading the Bible Chronologically to the kids and tonight was Job 1-5. This Psalm feels more like whining when compared to Job. I know this isn't accurate but I have to admit David gets a big fat eye roll from me tonight. The first two verses start off good but then it just sounds pretty self centered afterwards. I know what it is, it sounds as if David wants to make God into a magic genie in a lamp. Again I know this is bit his heart. Since this has been an issue of my own heart it just seems yuck. I don't just want God when things are going my way. I don't want my requests to be about getting my way. I truly want to grow to want what He thinks is best for me more than anything.


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