Tuesday, January 31, 2012

DAY 556: 2 TIM 2

Full day. Took the girls to La Madeline today for a change of pace for school. It was good. Abbie felt special and big since I let her drink the fabulous nectar of Dr. Pepper. No whining or complaining about school work either, weird. Since we only got drinks it was a super cheap working date.

Took the kids to the library for a craft/game night. Kids had fun and it was a great cultural experience.

Don't think I'm going to keep my eye lids open. I'd go sit in a brightly lit room but I don't think little bit would be too happy. Poor girl is hoarse from all her crying today.

Adjusting to not having as much freedom or having any alone time that comes with having an itty bitty. Its not awful just an adjustment. I remember not too long ago when I was bitter at how much more having a baby had changed my life compared to

I hate doing this but I can't keep my eyes open and I want to seize this opportunity. Some really heavy hitting verses in this chapter.

Sent from my iPhone

Monday, January 30, 2012

DAY 555: MATT 21

On the couch with 2.5 sleeping Brownies. I've been blessed with a pretty sweet life. Yesterday I drove behind our Brownie Mobile and it hit me that we have five kids. Five kids!! That's crazy! Wonderfully crazy amazing! I never would have planned such things but I'm so beyond thankful that God did. I love how the beautiful chaos drives me towards Him.

Started working more with Paul a little today doing phonics and reading. This really helped Abbie and her attitude about having to do school work. Paul's chomping at the bit to start and Abbie would rather play with her brothers than do school work. (Love that they enjoy each other so much!) Having Paul start on reading lessons is going to be really good. There was already some healthy competition going on and they were both really spurring each other on.

MATT 21:
The hearts of the Pharisees are really exposed in this chapter. In the temple merchants are set up in the courtyard making crazy money selling the official "sacrifice" worthy animals. The priests have no concern over that but are burnt up with jealousy because Jesus is healing people and calling him the Son of David. They have no concern with the truth but rather desire whatever will benefit them the most.

Jesus tells two parables that paint a grim picture for the Pharisees. They understand the parables are about them but it only fuels their instead. They miss an opportunity to repent and they are just not interested with such things.

Oy! Was going to launch into my Pharisee speech but sweet baby girl gave a nice speech about it and she said it much better than I could. This is definitely something I need to guard against, a pharisaical heart. Righteousness can never be earned based on my own merit. Religion is such an evil.

D
Sent from my iPhone

Sunday, January 29, 2012

DAY 554: PS 91

Going to try to focus but I've got a sweet squirming Brownie feeding right now. Oh how I messed up this morning. I was so tired this morning and it was no simple feat to get out the door this morning. The chaos of it all reinforced why the evening service is where it's out for our family. While singing this morning it hit me that I was the reason it was so chaotic. If only I had gotten up before the kids or at least risen and had a good attitude when the first Brownie started hopping around. Instead of putting them first I chose myself and my own desires. The verse "remain in me" resounded in my head during worship.

"I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing. (John 15:5 NIV84)

He beckons us to remain in His love. It's so simple yet so easy to forget. Church in the morning is much fancier than in the evening. I was feeling insecure which I've felt a whole lot more lately thanks to my post partum fluff. Thankful this morning I was able to remember that this morning had nothing to do about me. If He loves me, then nothing else really matters much.

He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty.
I will say of the Lord, "He is my refuge and my fortress,
my God, in whom I trust." (Psalm 91:1, 2 NIV84)

Reading these verses I go back to His love. He who dwells in His shelter, He who dwells in His love. It's in this shelter that we can endure all the crazy storms that life can fling at us. It's in this shelter that we stop looking at the circumstances surrounding us and find hope.

D


Sent from my iPhone

Saturday, January 28, 2012

DAY 553: PSALMS 90

This wasn't a fun filled magical weekend but we sold the Volvo and a doctors visit confirmed that Bella has reflux. I'm going to top it off with a whole lot of crazy and go to the 11am service tomorrow. Surely attendance will be down with 500 plus Women gone right? We shall see.

I won't lie I really don't want to do this. I'm like my daughter who is never excited to do a reading lesson because she has to really use her brain. I'm tired and I'll be nursing a sweet little baby for the next four hours and I just want to zone out and watch mindless tv and enjoy the silence. But that won't fill me up. Moses, the author of this Psalm
knew what was truly satisfying.

Satisfy us in the morning with your unfailing love, that we may sing for joy and be glad all our days. (Psalm 90:14 NIV84)

I really want to come to a place where I find total and complete satisfaction in Christ. Its doubtful that I would be able to achieve this lofty goal outside of heaven. If we truly found all of our satisfaction in Christ we would never turn aside to other things, including self. The human race is so fragile in so many ways.

The very first verse of this Psalm really caught my eye.

Lord, you have been our dwelling place
throughout all generations. (Psalm 90:1 NIV84)

What does that even mean to be somebody's dwelling place? I'm not exactly sure what Moses meant here but I love the imagery it produces in my head. The thought of being so intimately intwined with Christ that He truly does become a dwelling place, a stronghold and fortress. Forget about a man cave, how awesome would it be to curl on up in a God cave? I want God to be my dwelling place, I want this to be the place I turn to before zombie tv, chocolate, Internet or whatever.

This psalm ends with a beaut as well.

May the favor of the Lord our God rest upon us;
establish the work of our hands for us—
yes, establish the work of our hands. (Psalm 90:17 NIV84)

Establish the work of our hands for us. Again I'm not sure what Moses meant by this but to me it means a lot. God establish my day, may the work of my hands be what you establish for the day , not what I have on the agenda. Our days and nights are filled with such busyness. I can hear the desperation for rest it can cause in the voices of so many. What have I established that God never intended for my hands? Establish the work of my hands Lord and may you strip away the busyness that I've established myself.

D
Sent from my iPhone

Friday, January 27, 2012

DAY 552: MATT 20

We had three extra kids in our house this morning and yet we only have three baskets of laundry to fold instead of an entire couch full thanks to the help of a beautiful laundry superhero, and a semi orderly house. Yes! This is a sweet blessing today but is not a guarantee for tomorrow nor should it be how I determine a days success.

MATT 20:
Today I don't like the Parable of the workers in the vineyard. In fact, I dislike it a lot. Adding sweet Bella has rocked my status quo and the result of the added squeeze has been a whole load of fleshly goo. Have I mentioned before that this is one of the things I love about kids and this crazy crew of mine? Lots of stank is rising to the surface and Jesus is beckoning me to walk with Him as He removes the smell of decay. It's a painful and ugly process but beauty is a result.

Short version of the parable, a dude hires workers at different times through out the day, from morning till just before dusk. The owner of the field pays all the workers the same amount of money. It makes no difference if they had worked all day or if they had only worked an hour. The workers who arrived the latest were paid first. When the workers who showed up first saw what they got pain they were excited since they thought they would get paid even more. Well, they thought wrong and were upset.

This parable stings because I'm the one who likes to shout about things that are unfair. What's worse is that I'm not even the worker who showed up first thing. I'm the worker who only worked two hours yet I'm upset that the peeps who only worked 1 got paid the same. This my friends is ugly. I don't want to see this in myself yet the alternative is to go on the same living blind and frankly that's a whole lot worse.

This unfair disease is caused by a heart that is self focused and lacks a heart of gratitude. Nothing that I have is truly mine including my husband and my kids. Everything I have and I own is a beautiful blessing from a good and loving Father. If I want to start whining about unfair, it's unfair that a sinless Jesus paid for my sin. I almost wrote the word had into that sentence but Jesus didn't have to die for my sin, He chose to die. I could go on and on about what's unfair. I need to forget about trying to figure out what's fair and be concern about what's just. Frankly I think God has little concern over what's unfair but He cares a lot about things that are unjust. That's the same kind of things I need to get hot and bothered about, not about things that are unfair.

God please help break me out of my selfish self centered world. I want to care about what you care about not about getting what I think I deserve. God I deserved death yet you loved me enough to give me eternal life. Help me to love like you do. Teach me how to be humble, gentle and meek so that I too may learn how to be a servant like you.

D

Sent from my iPhone

Thursday, January 26, 2012

DAY 551: MATT 19

Once again I am at a loss of words of how to begin. This morning a cherished friend stopped by who provided company and provision. The day that had started off beautifully faded into chaos. My sweet Bella demanded to be in my arms or literally attached to me at all times. The other four were exhausted from a super long Wednesday and were Brownies gone wild. Order and structure took a vacation today and it was a mess. I had to try to will myself to choose joy today. Joy did not ooze and overflow but at least I tried to fight the good fight. Shaking off the snakes was hard. In fact I want to shake them off now but Brownie after Brownie keeps coming into my room right now. I love them and I'm thankful for them but I have an itchy face and a scratchy throat and I'm still irritated that my newest tattle tale in the house didn't say a single thing as his brother dumped a basket full of puzzles and games everywhere onto the floor. It's still sitting there now because if bedtime came one second later I was certain I would drop dead right there on top of the hundreds of puzzle pieces on the floor. Now these children want to climb into my bed one after another after I already put them to sleep! And I'm thankful. Thankful that it is humbling to have somebody else fold your laundry even if you love them dearly and learning again that it's okay not to be super woman. Thankful that even though I did get wrapped up in the multitude of messes instead of being focused on loving that I still fought. Thankful that even though my daughter and I sparred today several times there was opportunity for both parties to seek forgiveness and receive grace. Thankful that I think I've finally got it through my thick skull that I need to shut my mouth and let consequences speak for themselves. Sweet Pam MaGee told me that a couple weeks ago and I need to put it into practice. I'm thankful thankful thankful. This gig in BrownTown is hard. It's crazy hard but it's transforming me and it's making me learn to rely on Him. Even now I realize if only I had dropped to my knees and asked for help instead of thinking the answer was throwing them all into bed. They needed to go to bed but I missed out on making that time beautiful. Even though I missed yet another opportunity redemption is in my bed right now, all five of them.

On another note it's about time I headed on in to an ENT. I've had bouts of dizziness here and there through the years but lately it's gotten worse and now I can tell my equilibrium is a bit off. I'm not coordinated on a good but getting a bit stumbly lately. Haven't had my ghetto ear checked lately anyway so I'm sure it's about that time.


MATT 19:
This might be lame but these two verses struck me the most today.

Vs 13-14
Then little children were brought to Jesus for him to place his hands on them and pray for them. But the disciples rebuked those who brought them.
Jesus said, "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these." (Matthew 19:13, 14 NIV84)

Just the previous chapter before Jesus was telling his disciples this:

He called a little child and had him stand among them. And he said: "I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. (Matthew 18:2, 3 NIV84)

This is completely wrong but I love how often the disciples get it wrong despite Jesus's teaching. The disciples have to be told over and over again before they eventually get it right. I'm the same way. I think sometimes it does me best to just be clubbed over the head with it.

This is also a great reminder and encouragement with parenting. These knuckleheads are going to need to be told over and over again and not only is that okay it should be expected. The bonehead disciples who missed it all the time ended up being amazing warriors for Christ later. Those lessons that had to be taught over and over took root and grew into the very marrow of their bones giving them courage to die for the very Savior they loved. Gives me hope and a renewed vigor to tirelessly teach the very little ones He's so graciously blessed me with!

D

Sent from my iPhone

Re: DAY 550: MATT 18

Whew! My sweet little one is finally asleep. Since I should be doing the same I'll just hit the first section of Matthew 18 which captured my attention the most.

The disciples asked Jesus who the greatest in heaven will be and Jesus answers children. I can almost imagine their mouths wide open in surprise. A child's faith is quite amazing. My kids love them some Jesus. As they grow older I'm positive they will begin to question. In fact, in some ways I really hope they do. I want them to wrestle and truly own their own relationship with Christ. There is a real sweetness to their just believing now too. 

Fading fast but this really caught my eye today.

"Woe to the world because of the things that cause people to sin! Such things must come, but woe to the man through whom they come! (Matthew 18:7 NIV84)

Woe! Beware of the things of this world that can cause you to sin. Woe to the people who sin and hurt others and don't know me. Okay seriously fading but this verse leads off the verses on chopping off body parts so that you might not sin. This is crazy and seems way over the top.  Yet it truly is better to be the blind woman with only one arm and one leg than be the woman who ran towards the gates of hell.

These verses seem extreme because Jesus wants to make a point about how horrible and serious sin is. We are made righteous through Christ BUT He is not just our get out of jail free card. I wanted to go off on this point but can't keep eyes open.

D


Sent from my iPhone

Wednesday, January 25, 2012

DAY 550: MATT 18

I keep trying to write this but I can't stay focused to save my life. The little one permanently attached to my body tonight is not helping. Too distracting.

Ahhhh!!! Okay I give up. This chapter is incredible. I love me some Jesus! Spazzy boobie monster is too much to overcome tonight. If I can stay awake after she's settled I'll take another crack at it.

Sent from my iPhone

Tuesday, January 24, 2012

DAY 549: MATT 17

Sweet little cream puff was hi to the i maintenance today. Glad I was blessed to have a good 30 minutes to try to bring some order to the chaos yesterday. Back to square one but at least it's not ground zero.

Took the kids to the library today for the start of a six week story time thing. I think I must be clinically insane. It went pretty well considering the insanity we have experienced in the past. One fit that had the potential to escalate to monstrous proportions was stopped in its tracks. Bella didn't scream her head off till we were in line checking out and Joshua was a pill but we didn't get the stink eye and we weren't asked to leave. We even made it home before the rain! Thankful!! I am certain the reason why I didn't grow any grey hairs on this trip was because of the prayers of a certain sweet friend.

MATT 17:
When I really think about the story of the transfiguration my head kinda explodes. The first part almost seems like a story out of a childrens book. One day Peter, James and John were walking with their friend when suddenly he is changed to a sparkling glowing figure. Out of nowhere friends of long ago also appear and join their sparkling friend. Then God's voice rains down and I am immediately snapped out of children's storybook land. God speaks and Peter, James and John freak.

When the disciples heard this, they fell facedown to the ground, terrified. (Matthew 17:6 NIV84)

They don't even have to see Him face to face to be terrified. All God has to do is speak and the sheer power of His voice makes the mountains tremble. I think most often I get wrapped up in the cuddly children's storybook God. I forget how incredibly powerful he is and that compared to Him I'm absolutely nothing. One day I'll meet this Holy, Powerful and Righteous God and I bet I too come unglued. When my sinful self is in the presence of powerful perfection His love will be all the more apparent and so will my reason to fear.

Love this verse from the next section yet I have no clue what it truly means or even how one goes about attaining it.

He replied, "Because you have so little faith. I tell you the truth, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there' and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you." (Matthew 17:20 NIV84)

I can't help but think about Paul in this verse. The man had so much faith in God deadly snakes couldn't keep the man down. He was so focused on the mission God had set in front of him even a deadly snake bite didn't phase him. He shook off the beast and kept on going.

Practically speaking maybe that's what Jesus is talking about here. Shaking off the beastly circumstances that seem to stand in our way of accomplishing the goal God has given us. I'm excited even thinking about this yet I'm saddened that I am so distracted by the beastly snakes around me. My focus is so off right now and this seems impossible. "Nothing will be impossible for you". Of course in my flesh this sounds beyond awesome because nothing will be impossible so I can become super mom. Wahoo!!!

This is so not what this verse is about. Am I willing to shake off my own agenda? Am I willing to let go of my to do list? Am I willing to forget about the messes and how tired I am and lean directly into Him so that I can love? God please help me to shake off the beasts that distract me every day from my mission. Their fangs poison me with venom that chokes out a destroys love. Help me to surrender. Help ME to die so that love may prevail. I thank you for this time that has opened my eyes to my sinful selfish ways. Please continue to cut away the rot and decay that the venom has caused so that I may begin to love more like you.

To end this wonderful chapter we find a fish with money in its mouth.

"But so that we may not offend them, go to the lake and throw out your line. Take the first fish you catch; open its mouth and you will find a four‑drachma coin. Take it and give it to them for my tax and yours." (Matthew 17:27 NIV84)

Truly awesome! Wonderful perspective on our finances as well.

D


Sent from my iPhone

Monday, January 23, 2012

DAY 548: MATT 16

My kids and whatever is in the air is beating me into submission. I was a grumpy tail hole all day today. I was focused once again on my agenda and on my circumstances. I've been eating a whole lot of humble pie lately. Big fat honking pieces of pride smashing pie. My friends I'm being squeezed and what is coming out is ugly. I'm still a hormonal basket case who could use more sleep but wish I was handling life with a little bit more grace. None of this is fun but I'm thankful. Thankful that even now He's hard at work cutting away the rot and decay of my sin. Grateful for the crazy love that embraces me despite my sinful yuck.
If I did have a Duggar moment today it surely must have been a moment that happens when the cameras are put away.

MATT 16:
I love the gospels. Just love them! I wish my brain would work so I could really spend time diving deep. I love this entire chapter but the section that resonated the most was when Jesus tells his disciples to be aware of the yeast of the Pharisees. They had forgotten bread for their journey so all they could make of Jesus statement was that he was talking about bread.

Love me some Jesus:
Aware of their discussion, Jesus asked, "You of little faith, why are you talking among yourselves about having no bread? (Matthew 16:8 NIV84)

This would so be me. "I knew Jesus was mad at me for forgetting the bread. What are we going to eat for dinner now?". This is so perfect for me right now. I'm having a hard time looking past the mounting to-do's and tired of being completely embarrassed when neighbors drop by. But who cares? Neighbors have been dropping by because we've opened our home up to the people on our street on a regular basis. I love that they would drop by. I should be focusing about this awesome fact instead of the gross house they happen to walk into now. Instead of enjoying my kids all I seem to be focusing on is all the mess and destruction they have been leaving all over the house. Thank you God for the mess and destruction! I would much rather have that then clean and sparkly with no amazing Brownies. My focus is off and I hate it!

Be careful of the yeast of the Pharisee. Prideful McPridefulson most definitely needs to be aware of this. As much as I'm not enjoying my gross selfishness oozing everywhere and constantly having to battle it, I'm thankful. It's times like this that remind me all the more how much I need my wonderful Savior. It's times like this that I realize my poop does stink and it's disgusting. I'm a sinful beast and I'm no better than anyone else. I don't have it figured out and I am in need of God's grace and forgiveness every minute of the day. And that is all.

D

Sent from my iPhone

Sunday, January 22, 2012

DAY 547: PS 89

And Mother of the Year Award goes to me for cookies for breakfast and tv almost all day long. At least I wasn't grumping at them from the couch trying to keep the little boys from destroying the house. Joshua tried to turn the bathroom into a bathtub at one point but since I wasn't trying to put out fires all day long with a sick baby I didn't really care. Overall I had a much better attitude today but who could have a bad attitude while snuggling with three boys and a snorting baby while watching the Toy Story Trilogy. Look forward to hearing how Abbie's afternoon adventure with her awesome dad went.

PS 89:
This Psalm seems as all over the place as I am. It starts with praise then launches into remembering God's promise to the house of David and then there is much groaning and bashing of teeth. Glad to know there is a Psalmist who can shift gears as fast as I can.

Okay ADD is preventing me from focusing. Squeaking turbines, snorting baby and fire trucks sirens when hubs and daughter are still not home too distracting. Plus I keep thinking about the sheets that still need to make it onto a bed. Yep those are my very holy and distracting thoughts.

Wasnt going to rock this verse but this time it caught my eye.

I will sing of the Lord's great love forever;
with my mouth I will make your faithfulness known through all generations. (Psalm 89:1 NIV84)

With my mouth I will make your faithfulness known through all generations. This is such a beautiful verse. I wish I did this more often with my mouth. Instead I complain with the mouth God has given me, call my brothers and sisters fool, speak harsh words to my babies, cuss and a myriad of other awful things. Wish my mouth was more like a refreshing fountain of spring water instead of a puddle of gray water.

Verse 2 gets better:

I will declare that your love stands firm forever,
that you established your faithfulness in heaven itself. (Psalm 89:2 NIV84)

As we begin ramping up our neighborhood "church" again I pray that these kind of words would flow out of my mouth. May the story of transformation in my life compel others to want to know this wonderful Savior of ours. Right now there's not much compelling that is coming out of grumpykins right now. Praying the funk passes soon!

Vs 14:
Righteousness and justice are the foundation of your throne;
love and faithfulness go before you. (Psalm 89:14 NIV84)

I love when the Psalmists use beautiful words pictures like this. How awesome is our God!? Can not wait to meet Him face to face! I forget that one day I'll get to be fully in His presence without the distractions of this fallen world. Amazing!

The beauty of this verse just keeps going. The psalmist then switches gears to the trials that have fallen upon Israel. Even after lamenting over this he still end the psalm with this :

Praise be to the Lord forever!
Amen and Amen. (Psalm 89:52 NIV84)

I pray that my heart will grow to praise God day and night despite the circumstances around me.

D

Sent from my iPhone

Saturday, January 21, 2012

DAY 546: PS 88

Today was off. We are still trying to find our groove as a family of 7. Itty bitty is not feeling well which threw off our plans for the day. I know I'm being a selfish beast but frustrated about not being able to get anything done. It's really hard letting go of my agenda day after day. It's an incredible lesson though. Wish I was handling it with more grace instead right now I just feel like kicking something or screaming. I know this is all flesh but all I want to do is be able to start something and finish it. Even with all my moaning and groaning I wouldn't trade these Brownies for anything. Yay for the sanctification of parenthood and the sheer joy of it!

PS 88:
This Psalm is just depressing. Not the pick me up I was hoping for. Notice how even that is about me. Lately I've been painfully aware of how incredibly selfish I am. It is so not pretty.

This Psalm has verse after verse of depressing lines. Basically the author feels like God has completely forgotten him. Yet, deep down the psalmist knows that God is good because He continues to cry out to Him day and night. This psalm is beautifully raw. There's no sugar coating how he feels. This is what I love about a relationship with God. We don't have to sugar coat things. We can be angry at Him and write psalms of lament just like this one. God can take it and He much rather have us be honest with Him than have us fake it. I think I get tripped up trying to be tough or strong with God. He knows my heart anyway so it's okay to let go and shake a fist every once in awhile.

D

Sent from my iPhone

Friday, January 20, 2012

DAY 545: MATT 15

It's official I have a case of the crazies. What is it about the post partum Period that makes my head decide to go nuts? The haze is bad enough but my mind is in chaos. I can't believe I used to live here in this state of chaos most of the time. Thankful for the renewing of the mind that God has done in my life. I can still see growth in the sense of taking thoughts captive and not spiraling but it's annoying. The good side of it is it's humbling and anything that gives me a lesson in humility is good for me.

MATT 15:
The feeding of the four thousand resonated with me tonight. This group of people have been with Jesus listening to him for three days. Jesus knows the crowds haven't eaten and he has compassion and wants to feed them before they leave. The disciples have already seen Jesus feed an even bigger crowd and yet can't look past the circumstances of this situation. They know they can't go buy enough food somewhere and even if they could they didn't have that kind of money.

This verse is from a different section but applies so wonderfully.

"Are you still so dull?" Jesus asked them. (Matthew 15:16 NIV84)

Are you still so dull that you don't realize that I can feed four thousand people? Are you still so dull that you look to other things to fill you up?

Just can't focus enough to get this done today. Hoping to elaborate tomorrow. Ordered some B12 and going to try to remember to take iron again. Think some of my head and general ick feeling is from some deficiencies.

D

Sent from my iPhone

Thursday, January 19, 2012

DAY 544: MATT 14

In a crazy hormonal fog still. I can't click my brain on, still feeling flat and fighting flares of insecurity. Hate that feeling like a fluffy slob is messing with me. I don't want my security to be grounded in what I look like but feeling very haggish. This is bleeding into other areas as well. I don't like being in this place but it's good. It's humbling and it helps keep me tethered to my Savior. When I think about it that way it's pretty awesome!

Aunt Flo has officially arrived. I wasn't sure at first but there's no doubt now. This officially rules out continuing adoption with Gladney in my mind. My hubs might have other opinions and i have placed all future adoption decisions fully into his hands. I wish this meant I could stop hashing out our future in my mind but haven't yet been able to do that. I know MY plans are futile but in my flesh I want to try to figure it out.

I think the problem is that I'm weary of trying to figure out this whole baby prevention thing. All of this is total tmi but it's a reality. I wish it was as simple as just use this or that but it's not. Thanks to wonderful genetics I've inherited sensitive skin which is gradually getting worse as I get older. This unfortunately poses a problem in this arena. I feel like another baby at this moment might send my husband into cardiac arrest. Don't get me wrong he loves our babies and is an incredible husband and father but he's had to pick up much slack and love a crazy wife the last nine months. Throw in the adoption piece and I have a really hard time not trying to figure all of this out. I hear God beckoning me to trust Him but in my post hormonal insanity I'm having a hard time not looking at all the circumstances and trying to solve the puzzle. Thankful that this is the "problem" I've been obsessing about. I have so very much to be thankful for.

MATT 14:
I've read this section of scripture (vs 1-12) a number of times and it has never punched me in the gut like it has today. Herod kills John the baptist because he is loose with his lips and because he's too prideful to fix his mistake and do the right thing. Herod's step daughter dances in front of him and he carelessly offers to give her whatever she wants. I've definitely offered my kids things I've had to go back on. I when I do this. I want my yes to be yes and my no to be no. Hopefully I'll learn to be slower to speak so that I can become better at being able to keep my word.

Herod's daughter come back to him requesting the head of John the Baptist.

The king was very upset. But he thought of his promise and his dinner guests. So he told one of his men to give her what she asked for. (Matthew 14:9 NIRV)

In my pride it's easy for me to think Herod is a loser for not being willing to look foolish and go back on his word to give her anything. He's the king who cares what the dinner party guest thought about him. As if I'm better than Herod. As if I'm never concerned about what other people will think. What a load! I don't what to care what other people think and often I try to pretend that I don't care what other people think but I do! The truth is I want to be liked. I want my opinion to matter and be valuable. I want to be included. I don't to be thought of as a joke or whatever else. I hate admitting this. I hate that I still search for my value and worth from other people. I hate that wanting people to like me makes me vulnerable to be hurt. I hate that I still look to other things rather than God to search out my value and worth.

Think I may stop here for today. Stripping down the "tough" girl image is not easy for me. I think it's even harder to admit to myself. I'm fine with getting naked but not sure what else will come out today and this 20 plus pound spare tire is not pretty.

D

Sent from my iPhone

Wednesday, January 18, 2012

DAY 543: PS 87

Read chapter 87 in Psalms and had no idea what it meant. I knew there had to be hidden gold in it so read Spurgeon's take on it. It is pretty stinking awesome. It talks about the City of David and how special it is to God even above all the other places of Jacob. I couldnt get past the idea of this Psalm talking about the physical. What the author is trying to communicate is how precious God's chosen people are to Him, especially the Israelites. It gets even better it talks about the countries that were against Israel who also decide to acknowledge the Lord. I love thinking about how people all over the world will one day be together praising God.

I really like this verse:

The Lord will write in the register of the peoples:
"This one was born in Zion."
Selah
(Psalm 87:6 NIV84)

I didn't understand what this was talking about but basically one day God will say "this one is mine". I never experienced that from a father and overcome with emotion at the thought of my Savior one day calling me His. I am an unworthy sinner. Often I reach for a God substitute instead of coming to Him yet He still loves me. This is simply crazy and wonderful!

D


Sent from my iPhone

Tuesday, January 17, 2012

DAY 542: MATT 13

I think the Lord was trying to use my children to break me today. I'm not there quite yet but I know it wouldn't be a bad thing so I don't fear it.

My oldest has been so disrespectful lately. She is an amazing girl and I know some waves are to be excepted with a new sibling but it's wearing me out. Today was the first time I've thought that there's no way I can school her at home because there's too much clashing occurring. Frankly it doesnt matter if we clash or not. We've both got to figure out how to love each other well and this is so good for us. Wonder if Bella will be cut from the same mold that the both of us are made of. I'm thankful for days like today with fits worthy of being on the Super Nanny that keep me humble as a parent.

I got a tiny glimpse into the insanity God endures today. I extended much grace and had compassion to the child that repeatedly hit, screamed at and disrespected. There was a turn for a moment but then it was back to same minus the screaming and hitting. I asked God to step in because I was angry at the child and harboring an unforgiving heart. Very thankful that God does not love like I do! So thankful for these five Brownies who are shaping and molding me in ways I never thought possible. I did experience a brief window today where I felt like Michelle freakin Duggar. All four kids engrossed in learning about the states while great jazz played in the background and baby was attached and content. Thankful for that sweet gift today as well.

MATT 13:
One chapter a day in the gospels is a lot. I don't even know where to start. I keep drifting off too so that is not helping anything. Nothing I could possibly write could do this chapter any justice. Will focus on just this one verse.

For this people's heart has become calloused; they hardly hear with their ears, and they have closed their eyes.
Otherwise they might see with their eyes, hear with their ears,
understand with their hearts
and turn, and I would heal them.' (Matthew 13:15 NIV84)

This verse is so incredibly sad to me. If only everybody would open their ears and their eyes and be willing to hear so that the Lord could heal them. I myself am an example that this stated of having a calloused blind and dead heart is not hopeless.

But blessed are your eyes because they see, and your ears because they hear. (Matthew 13:16 NIV84)

I think one of the beautiful things about being able to "see" and to "hear" is that is that along with the healing vision and hearing get even better. I love that living a life with Christ is a beautiful and amazing process. If we can land in that fertile soil much beauty can be grown. I pray that I don't allow the weeds in my life to choke out the harvest God wants to sow in my life.

D

Sent from my iPhone

Sunday, January 15, 2012

DAY 541: PS 86

Today I'm thankful for my dear friends who have let me fill their inboxes day after day after day. If it wasn't for your accountability I never would have had the experience of my life being transformed by God's Word. For that I am ever so grateful! I do know however that inboxes get crazy full and so I am resetting my email list. If you would like to continue to read my random daily thoughts let me know and I'll keep sending them your way. If not, know that I love you dearly and am ever so thankful for you!!

Feeling slightly tied down by my littlest Brownie. She is Señorita nurse all day and I spend most of my days sitting on the couch. My mom has been a huge help and it's been great to have her here. With her gone tomorrow though I'll have to relearn how to live a one armed life and deal with the chaos of a dirty house. These crazy kids are so worth me learning how to die to my own agenda.

PS 86:
I only needed to read the first verse before I got stopped in my tracks.

Hear, O Lord, and answer me,
for I am poor and needy. (Psalm 86:1 NIV84)

I am so poor and needy and broken in spirit. During my reign on the couch I've become painfully aware that I'm more of a control freak than I would like to admit. I hate admitting this. People just aren't doing things the way that I would do them and it's irritating. When I stop and think about it though it so doesn't matter! Don't like that I'm irritated about not being able to be in control. Bleh.

The rest of this Davidic Psalm is full of warm and fuzzy verses like this one.

You are forgiving and good, O Lord,
abounding in love to all who call to you. (Psalm 86:5 NIV84)

My mom will be by soon to borrow my phone to call my stepdad so must end here. Not sure how I feel about the whole stepdad thing. Part of me wants to wretch at the very thought and part of me prays that one day he'll be in heaven with me one day. He claims God but I personally haven't seen the fruit of a relationship. I pray that this is no longer the case. Strange to be immersed in such two opposing emotions. To be completely repulsed by somebody yet feel grace and forgiveness at the same time. Wish there was fond memories to hold onto to chase away the repulsion but there just isn't any.

D
Sent from my iPhone

Saturday, January 14, 2012

DAY 540: PS 85

This psalm is beautiful. God is showing favor once again to Israel since they have turned back to Him. I don't have much to comment on since the words used in this Psalm would make anything else beyond lame.

Love and faithfulness meet together;
righteousness and peace kiss each other.
Faithfulness springs forth from the earth,
and righteousness looks down from heaven. (Psalm 85:10, 11 NIV84)

Call me girlie but these verses take my breath away. Faithfulness springs from the earth and righteousness looks down from heaven. Wow!

The Psalm ends with these two verses.

The Lord will indeed give what is good,
And our land will yield its harvest.
Righteousness goes before him
and prepares the way for his steps. (Psalm 85:12, 13 NIV84)

The Lord does give what is good. Even in the hardships that he allows us to endure He is able to use it for His good and for our own. Righteousness goes before him and prepares the way for his steps. Thankful I get to serve an awesome God who is described in beautiful ways like this!

D


Sent from my iPhone

Friday, January 13, 2012

DAY 539: PS 84 & MATT 10

It's crazy how incredibly well these two chapters go together. It's incredibly refreshing and exactly what I needed to bust out of some of my Psalm blahs.

Matthew chapter 10 starts off pretty awesome. It names off the twelve disciples and then clearly spells out Jesus's commission to them, go spread the gospel. At first it seems great. There's no need to tangle with the unclean Gentiles or Samaritans. God will equip them to do miracles and give them the strength and power to go forth as well as the right words to say. Well, slap me silly this sounds AWESOME. The adventurous person inside of me gets fired up about stuff like this! Then it gets a little hairy. Jesus tells them not to take anything with them for the journey, no money, no extra clothes, nothing. They are to rely fully of God for their provision, for their daily bread. This sounds great but the tension between a world that is fueled by money and what God says is very difficult. To trust in the unseen when the circumstances around that can be seen point to something opposite is hard. This is one of the many reasons I love being a mom. It's hard and it whoops my butt more often than I'd like to admit but hard things can be absolutely incredible.

Jesus sends them on an awesome mission and tells them to go without provision and then it gets much worse. Jesus gets real with his homeboys and explains the cost of following him. They will suffer persecution and will be hated. They will have to carry their cross in order to follow Christ and die to self. This is completely whack! What's crazier is that they didn't take off after hearing all of this. Why didn't they leave? Why did they choose to stay? I believe Psalm 84 answers this question beautifully.

Vs 10:
Better is one day in your courts
than a thousand elsewhere;
I would rather be a doorkeeper in the house of my God
than dwell in the tents of the wicked. (Psalm 84:10 NIV84)

Better is one day in your courts than a thousand elsewhere. Better was one day with Jesus with all the persecution and difficult death of self included than to be apart from Him. The disciples had there grand mess ups but when they fully understood it all, it was on and no amount of hardship or suffering was worth leaving the God they loved so much. I want to get me some of this, got to! When you understand the fullness of God's greatness this is the kind of Psalm you write in Psalm 84 and Matthew 10 is the kind of life you are willing to live out.

Vs 1&2:
How lovely is your dwelling place,
O Lord Almighty!
My soul yearns, even faints,
for the courts of the Lord;
my heart and my flesh cry out
for the living God. (Psalm 84:1, 2 NIV84)

God help me to understand your greatness and your love more and more. May my very heart and flesh cry out for you and may I become worthy of the great adventure you beckon me to join daily.

D

Sent from my iPhone

Thursday, January 12, 2012

DAY 538: PS 83

I know I say this every day now but I am so stinking tired. Hard to get super fired up about anything when keeping your eyes open is a challenge. On another note, besides crazy laundry our house is in somewhat order thanks to my mom.

I'm a prayer warrior drop out. Keep forgetting to set my alarm to go off as a reminder. Time to get another watch that will beep at me.

Les decided he was going to do the journey this year and stick with it. We both have yet to complete an entire year on the journey. I decided to jump on board with him too. Will be good to be on the same plan as him. I was going to wait till after Matthew but now as I'm writing this I think I'll jump in now. I'm getting a bit bogged down in Psalms anyway.

PS 83:
Read this once this morning and again tonight and it's hard for me to recall exactly what this is about. The Psalms are kinda starting to meld together. The author is asking God to rescue and vindicate Israel from its enemies. This verse stuck out the most as I read Kate McRae's blog and thinking about a friends little girl with cancer.

Vs 1:
O God, do not keep silent;
be not quiet, O God, be not still. (Psalm 83:1 NIV84)

It feels at times as if God is silent. I imagine it's hard when icy fear creeps over you as your child battles the monster of cancer. It's one thing to face a health issue yourself it's a completely different thing to watch your kiddo suffer.

Thankful today for health. I take it for granted often and even find myself complaining about run of the mill kid funk.

D

Sent from my iPhone

Wednesday, January 11, 2012

DAY 537: PS 82

My mom didn't make it yesterday but is on her way now. Was able to go to the staff wives thing which was good. As usual one of the last to leave and got to sit around a table of greats. I love seeing wise women in action stages ahead of me. Alex Wagner has to be one of the most patient women ever. Love her gentle quiet spirit. I'm not Alex but I would love to learn how to possess more of the calmness and gentleness that she does. My kids love those sweet Wagner kids. Makes me want to puke how fast they have grown up. My Brownies will be like that before I know it. God help me to seize and enjoy the day. This is the day the Lord has made let me rejoice and be glad in it.

PS 82:
Short and sweet Psalm about God's justice. This verse is from yesterday:

Sing for joy to God our strength;
shout aloud to the God of Jacob! (Psalm 81:1 NIV84)

Praying this will be my heart today despite the sanctification that may unfold today! May I embrace each moment with joy and thankfulness.

D

Sent from my iPhone

Tuesday, January 10, 2012

DAY 536: PS 81

I'm wonderfully wiped. Having a hard time dealing with the various disgusting smells permeating through out the house and my inability to tackle them. Hopefully it won't kill my mom.

Started this prayer thing today. Made me want to try a 30 X 30. Haven't done that in years.

Can't compose two thoughts together and baby girl is still up and squirming so I'm out before she starts wailing and wakes up the other four in my sardine can bed.

D

Sent from my iPhone

Monday, January 09, 2012

DAY 535: PS 80

My daughters are still up. One is to be expected and the other well, obviously she takes after her mother. Sweet Bella was still enough for me to vacuum and sweep today. I admit to being a kook and checking to see if she was breathing a couple times. It was so unusual for her to be fine for that long without being held. Feels good to be able to get something I can tangibly see accomplished.

I struggled off and on today and had to refrain from eating one of my children. He is so blatantly disobedient and his disobedience leads to something destroyed or a gianormous mess. I'd like to think he was just acting out but I think it just might be him. His personality is going to yield so many good things if he chooses to walk with the Lord. In the meantime, it's sanctifying the daylights out of me and exposes my ugly sinfulness. So thankful my Father is ever so patient and slow to anger unlike me. Trying to remember to remain. It works well when I remember but I need to be reminded 57 times a day. Maybe I'll get it tattooed somewhere.

PS 80:
There is so beautiful imagery in this Psalm. I have a certain friend who would dig this very much. Asaph compares Israel to a vine and at one point says that the vine has been cut off and burned. Yet once again another reminder to remain.

If anyone does not remain in me, he is like a branch that is thrown away and withers; such branches are picked up, thrown into the fire and burned. (John 15:6 NIV84)

Sometimes I could kiss God's very face. It's the small ways that He shows that He is ever present and He is not joking when trying to drill in a message. He is awesome and I'm so thankful He chose a selfish sinner like myself to love and pursue. His ways are kind and gentle to those who love Him.

This verse is throughout the passage.

Restore us, O God;
make your face shine upon us,
that we may be saved. (Psalm 80:3 NIV84)

Isn't this what we want as believers, to be restored and have God's very face shine upon us? I know this is true of me. Restore me God. I am a broken sinful mess and without you I am lost and hopeless.

D

Sent from my iPhone

Sunday, January 08, 2012

DAY 534: PS 79

I got nothing, again. Tried to watch the WM service this morning while my kids ran around with pencils terrorizing each other. Lots of fallout from almost 11pm bedtimes last night. Kids at each others throats today. Oh how God's heart must be grieved when we treat each other with contempt.

BrownTown is still adjusting to the newest member. I'm definitely still getting used to not being my own anymore. Bella might be the biggest Momma's Baby yet and I only get a few fleeting moments apart from her. She's perfectly content when she's with me though so no complaints just an adjustment. It's good for me to really learn how to set aside my own agenda for awhile. Maybe just maybe I'll get closer to learning what it means to put others first and love sacrificially. It's also good remembering that my worth is not related to how much I get accomplished in a day or whether or not my house is clean and somewhat orderly. It is what it is right now and I'm thankful for an opportunity to slow down and enjoy gazing hour upon hour at this sweet baby, snuggle with my other sweet ones, and learn great lessons.

PSALM 79:
I read the first two verses and I can't help but think this will someday be the scene in America. It's a gory scene filled with blood of the saints. I keep thinking about this verse in Judges.

In those days Israel had no king; everyone did as he saw fit. (Judges 21:25 NIV84)

Moral relativism and self has become the king in America. As I've learned while reading through the OT, God loves us enough to allow devastation to fall upon us to turn us back to him. If my hope and trust did not rest in the Lord the future would look very bleak to me.

D

Sent from my iPhone

Friday, January 06, 2012

DAY 532: JOHN 15:1-17

I'm exhausted. Forgot how exhausting these first couple months can be. I physically feel much better and with the help of my beloved friend coffee I've got much more energy through out the day. Once the sun sets though I'm done. I've nursed all day and had more arms full of baby and or kids and it's been wonderfully exhausting. Very thankful.

Just now thinking about how I don't want to read Psalms and how I fell off the no sweets bandwagon and how I need to be a better, wife, mother and whip our house into shape, it hit me. I'm disconnected because I'm constantly in an Oxytocin haze and because I'm not remaining. I'm wonderfully content but I keep thinking it would be better if I'd only do this or that. The days would be more organized and I'd get a lot more accomplished if I'd get up earlier. Please. As soon as I'm up B would be all up in arms because I moved more than ten inches away from her. I'm missing out on fully soaking up this time because my to do list is a novel now and our house is disgusting. Who cares? The clean house police isn't going to arrest me and on the nights wonderful amazing people aren't feeding us Taco Bell is not going to kill us. Yes I want to practice more self discipline and I'd love to have a sparkly house and shed my 20 lb fat suit but all in time. Tonight God's words were crystal clear to me, REMAIN in me. I don't want to turn to chocolate instead of God but trying to be a Jesus warrior on my own is only making frustrated and feel like a looser when I want to shove my face in the bag of M&M's in my pantry. It's not doing a darn thing to draw me closer to Christ. I don't need to add more rules just to add rules. I need to shut up, stop trying to do and just remain. My job right now is to be quiet and still and bask in the love of my Father. If I do that my tank will surely get filled and I will bear much fruit.

JOHN 15:1-17:
These words are so beautiful to me. I want to camp here for hours and go through these 17 verses line by line. Exhaustion and brain fog won't allow it and I'm supposed to just remain anyway. I can't leave without at least touching on two verses. Love the reminder of verse 5 too. "Apart from me you can do nothing."

Vs 2:
He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful. (John 15:2 NIV84)

Every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful. I don't know about you but the idea of pruning doesn't seem like a fun process. It's the difficult times in life, the rough days, the crazy days, the horrible days that help prepare us to bear more fruit. Praise God that He would use difficulty to help shape and mold us to be more beautiful.

Vs 9:
"As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Now remain in my love. (John 15:9 NIV84)

Seriously hard to just stick with a couple verses. Every single one is like a delicious five course meal. Why God and Jesus love us so much I simply can not figure out, yet they do. Since they do I need to stop getting so wrapped up in the temporal and do what Jesus commanded, "now remain in my love". I can only imagine the crazy amazing things the church could do if each of us truly did this. It's that simple, remain in His love. It all flows out of that.

D

Sent from my iPhone

Thursday, January 05, 2012

DAY 531: PS 77

Today went pretty well but bedtime was something else. Les took our three knights in training to the store this morning while me and the girls stayed home and worked on school. (yep, saying the girls is just as fun as saying the boys, love it!) Thanks to this incredible weather the kids have spent the last several afternoons playing outside till almost dinner time.

Normally when Les works it's Operation Bedtime at 6:30. Tonight I wasn't in a rush at all but think I rode the last ride and wasn't up for the shenanigans that went on during bedtime. If I had a dart gun for Joshua it would have gone a lot smoother. His personality is different but he is definitely taking up a lot of Luke Brown qualities. Crazy disruptive wild man at bedtime is definitely one of those traits. I love my boys but they sure do make for two exhausted parents at the end of the day. I would have been fired up to have had another boy but not upset to have another sweet little girl. Hopefully some added estrogen will help bring down some of the wildness around here. It's really sweet to see the wild brown boys fawn all over Baby Bella. It makes my heart melt into a thousand ooey gooey pieces. As hard and as long as some of the days may be I am so incredibly blessed by the amazing individuals that make up BrownTown.

PS 77:
Unfortunately this verse really resonated with me.

Vs 2:
When I was in trouble, I looked to the Lord.
During the night I lifted up my hands in prayer.
But I refused to be comforted. (Psalm 77:2 NIRV)

But I refused to be comforted. I get this. I'm sure the Asaph didn't refuse to be comforted because of a walled up heart like mine but either way this verse stuck out.

Vs 12:
I will spend time thinking about everything you have done.
I will consider all of your mighty acts. (Psalm 77:12 NIRV)

I need to do more of this. What a great way to prepare a heart.

Yep that's all I got. Thinking about starting a bible in 90 days plan. I'm spending lots of time sitting and nursing right now might as well do something useful.

D


Sent from my iPhone

Wednesday, January 04, 2012

DAY 530: PS 76

Yesterday went smoother than today although I can't exactly remember why. Hard hard hard not hitting the sugar crack today. Came up with a million reasons why I should eat the M&M's in the cupboard. Not convinced it won't happen either. Still really struggling with being disconnected. Darn you post partum hormones! I want to eat chocolate and stare off into space all day while stroking the feathery head of a delicious newborn.

PS 76:
I read this psalm several times and I'm just not getting much. I know that has everything to do with my fuzzy brain and difficulty connecting.

Of all the verses this one stuck out the most.
Vs 1:
In Judah God is known;
his name is great in Israel. (Psalm 76:1 NIV84)

Oh how I wish this was still the case in America. There's lots of people who know of the Lord yet there is no relationship. Since there is a lack of relationship it's impossible to know how truly great He is. I know Him more than I used to yet I have barely scratched the surface of how great He is.

D

Sent from my iPhone

Tuesday, January 03, 2012

DAY 529: PS 75

Checking the box today. Almost forgot too which is sad to me. I do still struggling with fighting this time at times but overall embrace it. To just forget is an indicator of lacking brain cells or a huge heart disconnect.

So snappy at my amazing husband lately. Most of my day is spent holding or nursing sweet Bella. I'm so thankful for this time but at the same time relinquishing control of my plans is incredibly hard. I know this time is so short and fleeting and I don't want to wish it away or not fully enjoy it for what it is but it's hard when I just want to return order to our household. I'm not living up to my standard and get frustrated and in my sinfulness I get snappy at my sweet husband. Lots of grinding on the heart and post baby hormones are not helping to make the grinding any easier.

On another note so thankful that a friend's baby in ICU is finally making some strides in a good direction.

Psalm 75:
Can't get my head to soak this in. Lots of talk about horns. Need to look up more about the horns. I believe there was horns in the temple that you could grab hold of for mercy perhaps? My mind won't think straight enough for me to remember. This verse stood out to me the most:

Vs 3:
When the earth and all its people quake, it is I who hold its pillars firm. (Psalm 75:3 NIV)

I like this verse the more I read it. It's simple yet beautiful. God holds our pillars firm. When our baby is incredibly sick in the hospital it is God who holds our pillars firm. When our circumstances cause our world to crash in around us, it is God who holds our pillars firm. Beautiful. I'm so ever thankful for this!

D

Sent from my iPhone

Monday, January 02, 2012

DAY 528: PS 74

Sometimes the results of sin in this world can be thick in the air like smoke. Cancer, sweet babies sick, addictions, sexual assault and the list goes on and on. Story after story of heart breaking events. Yet I'm thankful to serve a God who can use the most horrific of circumstances for His glory and for the prosperity of His people. This evening my heart is heavy and yet thankful. We went over our prayer requests that we prayed for the beginning of 2011 and it's crazy how many of them have been answered. If I wasn't afraid of waking a baby I would list them off. Hoping to do so tomorrow. Only answered prayer was a couple requests from the kids (meet the Duggars and get a dog with a nice face) and specific requests about our adoption. Even those requests were answered in a different way. I prayed to be a family of 7 in 2011 and God answered! It didn't happen the way I had hoped but it happened and I'm ever so thankful for sweet Bella.

PS 74:
This psalm is a bit depressing. The Israelites are being crushed by the oppression of their enemies and the sanctuary is being defiled. Asaph explains the devastation, asks when God will show up to rescue His people and remembers the greatness of who God is. This verse is scary to me.

Vs 9:
We are given no signs from God;
no prophets are left,
and none of us knows how long this will be. (Psalm 74:9 NIV)

I can't imagine how awful this must have been to feel like God had left. Whenever my mind gets into the mode where I fear the bottom falling out I find comfort in knowing God is Sovereign and that He will be there. To see the destruction of the temple or see things happen to God's living temples is hard. Couldn't imagine walking through that kind of valley with out God right by my side.

D

Sent from my iPhone

Sunday, January 01, 2012

DAY 527: PS 73

I've tried to start this a couple times but my words are failing me tonight. Still need to steal some time to go over 2011 and pray over 2012. I'm always excited at the start of something new and the start of a year full of all sorts of possibilities always gets me geeked up.

Tomorrow starts my detox from sweets and in a couple weeks I'll start my social media purge as well. I've been so incredibly self indulgent lately that I'm afraid to cut both off at the same time. Sad but it's true. Looking forward to stretching the self discipline muscle once again, kinda.

PSALM 73:
I really do just love this Psalm. Maybe because Asaph is so transparent and this psalm is partly his confession and his story.

Vs 1:
A psalm of Asaph.
Surely God is good to Israel,
to those who are pure in heart. (Psalm 73:1 NIV)

The words pure in heart keep leaping off the page. I really want to do my part to truly learn what it means to be pure in heart this year. I know I'm beginning to take some sets in this area but I've got a mountain to climb. May God continue to root out the decay and perform the necessary heart surgery to help make my heart pure. I'm too selfish and my flesh is way too deceitful on my own.

Vs 2:
But as for me, my feet had almost slipped;
I had nearly lost my foothold. (Psalm 73:2 NIV)

I love this reminder not to ever get prideful enough to think I can't be easily taken out.

Battery about to die. Hate that! Might have to revisit again tomorrow!

D

Sent from my iPhone