Feeling slightly tied down by my littlest Brownie. She is Señorita nurse all day and I spend most of my days sitting on the couch. My mom has been a huge help and it's been great to have her here. With her gone tomorrow though I'll have to relearn how to live a one armed life and deal with the chaos of a dirty house. These crazy kids are so worth me learning how to die to my own agenda.
I only needed to read the first verse before I got stopped in my tracks.
Hear, O Lord, and answer me,
for I am poor and needy. (Psalm 86:1 NIV84)
I am so poor and needy and broken in spirit. During my reign on the couch I've become painfully aware that I'm more of a control freak than I would like to admit. I hate admitting this. People just aren't doing things the way that I would do them and it's irritating. When I stop and think about it though it so doesn't matter! Don't like that I'm irritated about not being able to be in control. Bleh.
The rest of this Davidic Psalm is full of warm and fuzzy verses like this one.
You are forgiving and good, O Lord,
abounding in love to all who call to you. (Psalm 86:5 NIV84)
My mom will be by soon to borrow my phone to call my stepdad so must end here. Not sure how I feel about the whole stepdad thing. Part of me wants to wretch at the very thought and part of me prays that one day he'll be in heaven with me one day. He claims God but I personally haven't seen the fruit of a relationship. I pray that this is no longer the case. Strange to be immersed in such two opposing emotions. To be completely repulsed by somebody yet feel grace and forgiveness at the same time. Wish there was fond memories to hold onto to chase away the repulsion but there just isn't any.
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