Thursday, May 31, 2012

DAY 667: Romans 3

I am wore out. You'd think it would be from the 11 different kids that were in and out of BrownTown all day not including my own. Nope. It's from a rough week with one. One that feels about as much as 11 kids himself. I love that little wild stinkpot and I love that he brings me to my knees. It's in the difficulty that beauty shines forth.

Still praying through Africa. Pretty confident my answer will be no. Unless Bella wildly changes in the next five months then everybody is going to be miserable. As much as Africa seems like the opportunity of a lifetime I know that my number one mission field is at home. Great opportunity but not the best season of life. What would I be communicating too if I try to force this to work? My Brownies have been worth more than every single sacrifice I've had to make for them. I want people to know that no matter how great the cost may be children are worth it. Still completely open to hearing God say yes to this trip as well. He is a God who can make sweet babies not miss their Mommas do terribly and a God who can provide other awesome opportunity when the time is right. Either way I am so thankful for where God has grown my heart in all of this. I think God has used my pregnancy with Bella in some mighty ways. I'm so thankful for His incredible faithfulness.

RO 3:
I'm fading fast.
As it is written:
"There is no one righteous, not even one; there is no one who understands;
there is no one who seeks God. All have turned away,
they have together become worthless;
there is no one who does good,
not even one." (Romans 3:10-12 NIV)

There is no one who seeks God. I think often I can get prideful in thinking that I made a good choice to follow God and have Him rescue me from the pit. I chose nothing. He wooed and pursued me! I was too in love with the world and with my own sin to seek out God. Even now after knowing full well the goodness of God often I look elsewhere for satisfaction.

Can't keep eyes open but this chapter oh so good. Must revisit tomorrow.


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Wednesday, May 30, 2012

DAY 666 (yikes!): ACTS 2

Big reminders of God's faithfulness in my life lately. Very thankful and at the same time reminded how much I lack this quality. Yet He still loves me with a crazy never stopping love. It's this love that compels me to be obedient. I often drag my feet but how could I not obey in light of His incredible goodness. This is what I desire for my children as well. I want them to get how much Les and I love them so that they are compelled to obey us and more importantly God someday.

Or do you show contempt for the riches of his kindness, forbearance and patience, not realizing that God's kindness is intended to lead you to repentance? (Romans 2:4 NIV)

You, therefore, have no excuse, you who pass judgment on someone else, for at whatever point you judge another, you are condemning yourself, because you who pass judgment do the same things. (Romans 2:1 NIV)

BAM! Nice left hook to good ole pride. I freaking hate how much my heart can easily look much like a Pharisees. Oh this damn insecurity that drives me to act in crazy sinful ways. I'm loved, cherished and adored by the Creator of all things yet I feel I need to do or be something to have value and worth. It's gross. I hate how deceitful my heart can be and that even things that are good can be twisted and distorted. So thankful for my Savior! I need Him, for without Him I am nothing but a miserable wretched sinner.

I'm little miss bullet point tonight. Brain incredibly broken. Like this verse too.

No, a person is a Jew who is one inwardly; and circumcision is circumcision of the heart, by the Spirit, not by the written code. Such a person's praise is not from other people, but from God. (Romans 2:29 NIV)

God could care less if we look good. He wants our hearts. The question is am I willing to let go of what the world looks at as good and chase hard after God?


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Tuesday, May 29, 2012


RO 1:
Paul's greetings are so strong. I used to just try to get through them but they are quite lovely. I'm reminded again by his intro what made him so effective in ministry. He knew who he was in Christ and he was focused on his mission. That man loved him some Jesus. He loved Him more than anything and it's very apparent in the way he lived his life. If people looked at my life I doubt they would say Jesus was number one. I think people would understand that God is very important in my life but doubtful it would be perfectly clear that. He is my everything. If I take a completely honest look I can say that He's not number one in my life, I am. It pains me to say that but it's true. I am learning to die. My children are wonderful in aiding in that process and is one of the most beautiful parts of their blessing. I pray that as I breath my last breath on this earth that those gathered around will be able to honestly say that Jesus was most important above all else. There's lots of dying left to do to get to that point.

I forgot to mention that I forgot to call my mom on her birthday. I knew I was going to do this and even had anxiety over it. Maybe just maybe next year I'll be able to fire on all cylinders.

Oh before I forget saying "you'll have each other a lot longer than you have mommy and daddy" is not a good idea. Bigs wailed after I told them this about not wanting us to die. Then Joshua said "bad Jesus will kill you" and the moment was diffused. Speaking of comic relief my oldest is becoming quite the little actress. The amount of fake drama is astonishing. My heavens! Where ever does she get it from?

Another random off topic thing is it occurred to me today that the reason Joseph went through so many crappy things was so that he would be humbled. It's amazing what beautiful things can spring forth from hard times. I needed this insight today. Sometimes I get caught up in the why of this fallen world and I need to be reminded that God is good.

On an even different note, just got invited to join the Shelter team in Congo. My heart is still pounding in my chest thinking about it. It's an incredible honor and yet another example of how God brings beauty from ashes. This is an opportunity of a lifetime. Please pray for wisdom for Les and I about this decision to go or not. It seems like a no brainier but is more complicated. Bella would only be 8 months old and 8ish days gone would be hard for my family. I hold this opportunity loosely. Knowing that as much as I can't possibly imagine turning such an opportunity down my first calling and mission field is my family. All day long I've been chanting "if you obey it will go well with you" and I truly believe it. I believe that God can stand in the gaps and work out all the details for me to go as well as bless an obedient heart that stays home and waits for the right time for such an opportunity to arise again. Either way in honored and excited about the possibilities.


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Monday, May 28, 2012


3rd year for us to host a block party. Started off crazy. Joshua burnt his finger on our grill and wouldn't stop crying. Very unusual for him. Thought he had got it bad. He has a blistered thumb but by the way he was wailing I thought his thumb was going to fall off. Very stressful start. Things settled down and it turned out nice. Each year the party lasts later and later. I'm itchy, tired and hungry but a good tired. Very thankful for today.

RO 1:
Tried to read this am because I knew I would be fried by tonight. Kept falling asleep and now as I read I can't make sense of what I'm reading. Will have to revisit tomorrow.

This verse reminds me so much of Portland.

They exchanged the truth about God for a lie, and worshiped and served created things rather than the Creator—who is forever praised. Amen. (Romans 1:25 NIV)

Actually pretty much vs 18-32 reminds me of the pacific northwest.

Reading A Hedge of Thorns to the kids and I'm so sad books like this sent written anymore. I'm even more sad that our country is nothing like it was when the book was written. Witnessing the fall of Rome and its so sad.


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Sunday, May 27, 2012

DAY 663: ACTS 27&28

It has been a rough weekend. I had high hopes but so far it has failed. Dinner was awesome tonight but not quite the way I had envisioned it. There's something to be learned here by all of us, I'm quite sure of it. Oh how God yearns for us all to be together, to love Him, obey Him and to love others. His desire for obedience is never to control like often mine is but it's to protect us from ourselves. Felt a tiny bit of the longing He has for us as I wanted our family to spend the evening together tonight. Instead two boys spent the evening in bed early and a cranky refusing to sleep sweet nugget kept me from the rest. I love these stubborn, unruly and wild children.

ACTS 27&28:
Again I am overwhelmed at going into detail on these chapters. It's so packed full of amazing stuff. I might go back and read through the whole book again in one sitting. Acts reads like an action packed novel. It's amazing! The one thing I'm really left with is how Paul turned everything into an opportunity. If you live life turning everything, good and bad as opportunity to glorify Christ and teach the gospel message you truly can give thanks in everything. If I could stop living life as if it was about me and look for opportunity instead of wanting things to go my way things would be remarkably different in my life. God change my heart and give me eyes to see, ears to hear and a heart that beats to serve you and you alone. Help me to view all things as opportunity!!


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Saturday, May 26, 2012

DAY 662: ACTS 26

I am the lamest daughter in the world. It's May 26th and my moms bday is in two stinking days! Ugh! I've been stuck on May 20th for a week. I think I've wanted to stay stuck in the middle of May. Somehow with summer upon us I have to let it sink in that I have a 1st grader and a Kindergartener. How in the heck did that happen? If only I could freeze time.

Had a list of to do's I wanted to knock out today. Pretty much none of them happened and clean laundry is spread over the dirty floor that did not get cleaned today. I dislike days like today. It's just wasted time and time seems to be slipping through my hands faster than I'd like. Today was fine. I'm just grumpy because I've felt like a looser all weekend. Oh shame and guilt how I hate thee so.

ACTS 26:
Paul makes his case to King Agrippa. I'm reminded through out this book how Paul is bold yet always respectful and loving when addressing others even if they are accusers. As I've been festering in my own feelings of loserdom I'm reminded that this is not who I am in Christ. Paul knew full well who he was and the purpose he was created for. He lacked pride which can manifest itself in arrogance as well as insecurity. Oh what a stumbling block pride can be! Pride is a thorn in my flesh or spirit to be exact.

Love these verses:
Then Agrippa said to Paul, "Do you think that in such a short time you can persuade me to be a Christian?" Paul replied, "Short time or long—I pray to God that not only you but all who are listening to me today may become what I am, except for these chains." (Acts 26:28, 29 NIV)

Paul's heart beat to share the gospel. May that become the focus of my life as well.


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Friday, May 25, 2012

DAY 661: ACTS 24&25

Pollen or bad air is finally flaring up my lungs. It's been bothering me all week but today it's gotten worse. Feels like a big fat man is sitting on my chest. I'd rather not have to use an inhaler but might have to. This year the junk in the air is awful.

Went to the grocery store today and came out feeling like a failure. All the dumb Pintrest pins on feeding a family of 17 for $30 a month. I feel so incredibly inadequate in the homemaking department. Staying on top of grocery shopping and meal planning and the rest of it is not easy for me. I don't know how to add in the coupon clipping thrifty as a goat piece into the mix as well and at the same time feed my family healthy whole foods. I know that God's grace is so sufficient in my weakness but the tension between what I can see with my eyes and what He says is so hard.

ACTS 24&25:
These chapters can be summed up in a few words, jealousy and people pleasing. Reading these chapters it's so crazy clear the dark places that both of these can lead a person if left unchecked. I pray that I would be bold a d bling to truth and never waiver in that to please man. I've got growing to do for sure.


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Thursday, May 24, 2012

DAY 660: ACTS 22&23

Good day but definitely felt the effects of tired Brownies and a busy week. First Tee Ball Game of the season. I love it! They are getting old enough to actually play but it's not competitive yet and it's hilarious to watch. Joshua was a total pill and determined to get on the field. They all want to grow up so fast, except for my Lukeypotamus.

Bonus of speaking at ReEngage last night. Head over heels for my hubster. I love him and enjoy him but I think I often take him and the beautiful story if redemption that God is writing in our lives. I need to remember that it's good to take a step back and really see Les and celebrate our marriage. So thankful for him and that I get to be on this wonderful and often times crazy adventure.

ACTS 22&23:
There's just too much here to try to work through. The story of Acts is so incredible. I am daily inspired by it. In these two. Chapters Paul is in Jerusalem and the Jews are on a mission to kill him. The roman guards have had to take him out of violent situations twice. This verse gets me the most.

The following night the Lord stood near Paul and said, "Take courage! As you have testified about me in Jerusalem, so you must also testify in Rome." (Acts 23:11 NIV)

The thought of God intimately speaking to Paul is amazing to me. God does the same for me in far less dire situations. I pray to have the boldness to peel away the distractions in my life so that I might know the Lord in an incredibly intimate way like Paul did.


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Wednesday, May 23, 2012

DAY 659: ACTS 21

Crazy wonderful day. I want to go into detail but want to talk my husbands ear off instead. Briefly though so thankful for the group God has blessed me with that is going through Good and Angry. It is so good and the group discussion adds a wonderful dynamic to it. God is already starting to change my heart. Today while we were discussing the book Paul pushed a girl into the wall. I grabbed him and set him down and I was angry. Then I took him into another area and got the story from him. He had gotten hurt so he responded in anger. Just read a chapter on this in Good and Angry. He had every right to feel angry but his lack of self control led to his sin. We got to talk about this in a very calm manner and I was able to show him compassion instead of anger. The end result was a truly repentant heart on his heart. I was thankful for this tangible and beautiful example for both of us. I processed this more and I think one of the reasons for my initial rage in this situation was the fact he hit a girl. I think sometimes the lingering man hate I have clouds my thinking. I do desire Paul and all my boys to love and protect women and those younger and weaker than them. However, Paul is not a man, he is a little boy who is learning how to grow in self control. He wasn't purposefully trying to hurt a little girl instead he was lashing out at the source of his pain. This perspective will help me to being more calm in my response which will lead to a lesson learned and a repentant heart. So very thankful for this moment today.

Read a great article that really hit home with me today. It reminded me so much of Luke and also gave me such a fresh new perspective on him. So thankful to God for all that He's been showing me and teaching me lately. I have felt so discouraged as a parent recently and this has been such a huge encouragement today.

Spoke at ReEngage tonight. It was kinda rough. Crowd not as responsive as the last time we spoke. There was a woman who came up to me afterwards and asked about Shelter. If only one person looks into Shelter after hearing our story I will consider it a great joy. This is part of the redemptive work God continues to do with this chapter of my life. The Mighty God I serve can turn even the most horrid of situations in our lives and turn it into beauty. It never ceases to amaze me!

ACTS 21:
I need to be done for today but will end in this verse:

Then Paul answered, "Why are you weeping and breaking my heart? I am ready not only to be bound, but also to die in Jerusalem for the name of the Lord Jesus." (Acts 21:13 NIV)

Oh to have a faith like this! I want to get me some of that.


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Tuesday, May 22, 2012

DAY 658: ACTS 20

My heart is buzzing with the busyness of a to do list. Homework to do and a talk to prepare. This added seemed like just another box to check. I love how spending time in God's word never returns empty.
Love this chapter. Love Paul's heart and the amazing example he has left for many believers past and present. He didn't follow Christ with upmost passion knowing the impact he would make on eternity. He did the task set before him daily. He walked in obedience daily. He did not let the temporal distract him from what was truly important. I love God and how he works in the lives of His people. You never know the eternal impact obedience will have on the generations to come.

Woke up this morning in a fog of funk. I'm so tired of feeling sick and tired. Not so sick to be put out of commission fully but life feels like an uphill walk through boggy mud. I chose not to sit in the funk and sought to choose joy. This ability does not come from within myself. It comes from a fresh perspective that only comes from God. In my weaknesses He is made strong. I truly believe this and yet it is so hard to let go. My boys have dug their heels in deep this week and I'm just at a lose on what to do. I'm battling between balancing grace and justice and making sure my own heart doesn't become focused on just wanting to control. This job as a mother is so much bigger than I am. I lack the boldness and confidence that I'm at least on the right track some days. Even with this I'm thankful. I need to know I'm sunk without God.

Loved these verses today:
"And now, compelled by the Spirit, I am going to Jerusalem, not knowing what will happen to me there. I only know that in every city the Holy Spirit warns me that prison and hardships are facing me. However, I consider my life worth nothing to me; my only aim is to finish the race and complete the task the Lord Jesus has given me—the task of testifying to the good news of God's grace. (Acts 20:22-24 NIV)

I want to be lead by the Holy Spirit as Paul was led. I don't want to get wrapped up in the worries and distractions of this world. I want the clear focus that Paul had that can only come from Jesus. This can start today. Today I can choose to love my husband and my children and attach my to do list with much joy knowing that I'm doing it for the Lord. This life isn't about me. I can't seem to get that through my head. May I surrender more and more everyday so that one day I too might have my eyes focus on the true prize.


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Monday, May 21, 2012

DAY 657: ACTS 18&19

I read but can't remember exactly what I read. I do remember thinking reading through Acts this time makes me really want to dig deep and study the early church. Just looked back over it and there is such greatness. I want to take a walk through it but what I want to do more is go to bed. I love the boldness of the followers of the early church. I know it's nutty but I really believe it was the opposition that helped fan the flames of this radical faith. If you became a believer it came at a cost so their was no room for the lukewarm. Faith was radical and life changing.

Today was a bit rough. Luke woke up in an obstinate mood. When he decides he doesn't want to cooperate he's difficult to persuade otherwise. There was a moment today when we were sitting around reading encyclopedias. They do love to learn.

I finally pulled it together enough to go to the store today. After the experience I had I might never want to go back ever again. Paul lost it and it was my fault but he couldn't reign it back in. I tried to leave and go back home before we ever got out of the car but he lost it again and we had no food for dinner. I must have been crazy. In the walk to the store Joshua was screaming, Paul and Bella was screaming. Once we got inside it got worse. Paul came unglued and Bella was screaming. Felt horrible for the other three. Abbie started apologizing for us. A dear saintly woman asked if she could help. She watched three of the kids while I tried to haul screaming Paul into the bathroom. Luke followed us and then hid under the sink the whole time. Paul got slightly composed and I could hear Bella screaming her head off as we left the bathroom. It was still better than the insane ruckus we were causing earlier. It was by Gods grace that I kept my cool even when Luke started wailing because he smashed his finger. Needless to say it was quiet the adventure. It got so crazy at one point I called Les to come rescue me. If one of the bigs is being completely obstinate there's not much I can do with four others to content with as well. I came out alive so I reckon that counts for something.


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Saturday, May 19, 2012

DAY 655: PSALM 79

Couldn't do Acts today. Went to Psalms and picked something random in hopes of something comforting and warm and fuzzy. That's not what I found. Instead tonight I found a Psalm of Asaph. He's witnessing Jerusalem's destruction and all the things the prophets warned about are coming true.

How long, Lord? Will you be angry forever?
How long will your jealousy burn like fire? (Psalm 79:5 NIV)

I wanted something warm and fuzzy tonight as I can't shake my friend from my mind tonight. The last time I heard from her I discovered she was not doing well. I cried buckets into my pillow when I had read the email she wrote. Today there was good news. A new heart and hope for life. I feel a bit silly carrying on about my silly frustrations and struggles and my pollen hating self. My rashes, aches and minor pain seem to pail in comparison. My friend probably doesn't see it that way. If she only knew how her thankful spirit points directly to Christ. Thankful for her and her friendship and praying for her that this heart gives new life.

In light of all that is swimming in my head this verse caught my eye tonight.

Do not hold against us the sins of past generations;
may your mercy come quickly to meet us,
for we are in desperate need. (Psalm 79:8 NIV)

For we are in desperate need. This is a hard yet beautiful place to be. This place isn't found when all is well. When things are crazy hard and we come to a place of realizing we are in desperate need, we find Jesus. The desperate need draws us to Him like nothing else does. I need not fear this place for when I arrive there I will experience Jesus in ways I could never have imagined.

Want to write about my day but fading. Thankful for the gift of today!


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Friday, May 18, 2012

DAY 654: ACTS 16

Great day with the family. Haven't had one of these days in awhile. Fills up my tank like crazy! Best part of the day was huddled up on our bed reading the bible. Normally one of us (Les) reads to the kiddos while I put Bella to bed. Lived us all being together. Now I'm in the middle of a wonderful pile of warm Brownies. I love these kids!

Went to the grocery store with just my Lukeypotamus this afternoon. He said that was one of his favorite things today. It was one of mine too. I smuggle away time with just Abbie often because she requests it often. I need to remember to take special time away with just my boys too. These knuckleheads are growing up way too stinking fast!

Broke my Facebook fast and eating sugar again. I can easily justify both. Truth is I'm weak and I like the crutch of comfort. With comfort there is instant gratification. With God I have to be quiet and still. Why I'm foolish enough to choose a happy meal toy over a priceless treasure is beyond me. The truth is I want the quick fix. I don't want to think about my sinfulness, my inadequacies, my insecurity, ect. I want all that to be gone. The truth is when I wait on God, He builds me up and restores me in ways no Facebook or sugar fix ever could. Yet I know once again I'll be the foolish sheep who wanders off again. I get why it's hard for the rich to enter heaven. There is way too many distractions. I am so distracted with stuff, options, places to go, blah, blah, blah that I loose sight of what's important. The endless options of what am I going to fix for dinner is not the same for the person who wonders if they will even eat dinner. I can not even tell you the amount of time I've spent researching different homeschool curriculum. This is important but am I missing the boat? Do I pour myself into researching how to train up my kids in righteousness the same way? That's the most important thing. Am I missing it and being wooed by the worries and hustle and bustle of the rich? God help me not chase after the fleetingness of this world. Help me to fix my eyes on what's eternal.

ACTS 16:
The slide show on our tv is mesmerizing. Our life as Team Brown shown slide after slide. Blessing upon blessing. Its all happening so fast, it makes me want to throw my phone away. I don't want a single distraction to keep me from missing this.

This chapter is nuts. It oozes with goodness. I am so inspired by this book yet it points out my idol of comfort like crazy. Oh to live a life New Testament worthy. I want that but leaving comfortville sounds scary. The reality is that the New Testament life is coming closer and closer to home. Morality is relative these days and sooner than we think the "hate speech" and "intolerance" of Truth will be persecuted. I want to be bold and brave like Paul and Silas. They were severely beaten and yet while locked in jail they sang praises to God. I want some of that kind of faith. I want to teach my kids what that kind of faith looks like.

I can't even begin to break down all the awesome things in this chapter.

-Tim is circumcised. Friends this is commitment. Just the chapter before the task of circumcision is called an unbearable yoke. I choose comfort Tim chose circumcision.

- sweet lydia.
One of those listening was a woman from the city of Thyatira named Lydia, a dealer in purple cloth. She was a worshiper of God. The Lord opened her heart to respond to Paul's message. (Acts 16:14 NIV)

The Lord opened her heart to respond to Paul's message. This gets hairy for me. I want to believe that God chooses all of us, every single one of us. The Bible clearly mentions God opening and hardening hearts. This is confusing. It's hard for me to fathom my loving God creating people who were destined for hell. Why didn't God want Paul and Timothy not to go into Asia? I don't understand. God does though. I am so convinced of His never ending love, His faithfulness and goodness that I'm okay with these questions being left unanswered for now. I trust Him and I'm okay with knowing that I can't possibly see the whole picture but He can. Being a parent has given me beautiful perspective on this.

There's so much more but I'm fading fast. Till tomorrow God willing.


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Thursday, May 17, 2012

DAY 653: ACTS 15

So today I had a great revelation, this wonderful infection season for me has helped me realize I need to ask for help more. I'm strong in some areas but deficient in others. The beautiful thing about the body is that there are plenty of women who can meal plan like crazy and help me organize my life. I'm domestically challenged so time to call in some troops and get some help. The beauty in all of it is that people who love to organize really love to do it and would actually enjoy helping. I don't get that but I wouldn't want to deprive anybody of the joy of working on this project.

Tried to bring some order into our recent chaos. Abbie's room was the accomplishment of the week. Even when everything was picked up stuff was exploding from every corner. Normally she objects to me throwing away the smallest of things but she was great about letting me purge for her this time. Need to chat more about how she feels in her room now that it's more orderly. Had a shoe round up with the boys and hopefully that will make our departures around here quicker. I'm not holding my breath but you never know.

Today wasn't my finest day with my kiddos. It was great with Abbie but its a whip getting those boys to clean. I run out of ways to get them to do what I want, aka control them. Now that I think about it I need to try to get them more on board with what we are doing. They did the shoe thing pretty well. Abbie liked having me help whip her room into shape. She's able to see the value in it. Need to figure out a way to inspire my boys too. The right motivation is key. I think the thing that gets me the most is that I just want for all of us to hurry and get it done so we can move onto fun things. They drag it out till it takes all day and we miss out on just enjoying each other. It drives me crazy. As I'm trying to figure out the "right" formula to make this better I realize I've forgotten to pray about it. He's pretty awesome when I ask for help.

ACTS 15:
This chapter is interesting. I never thought about how the Church was "regulated" when it first got off the ground. Everything was new so systems had to be created on the fly. Beautiful use of Elders back in the day. I completely see the value in them and thankful for the ones governing my church.

Two different disagreements happen in this chapter. One is a church issue as a whole. Should Gentiles be required to be circumcised? I can't imagine what it was like for the believing Jews to have things flipped so upside gown for them. It had to be crazy how the law could be in a sense disregarded. It wasn't the law that could save, it never was. Yet the law helps point to our wayward hearts. Love the way they handled things in the early church.

Paul and Barnabas get into a scrap over John. This is very interesting to me. I could potential see how both sides of the argument could have been valid. Interesting that this disagreement was heated enough to make them part ways. It seems very un-Matthew 18ish. It's good to be reminded that even the All Stats like Paul and Barnabas were sinful and
made mistakes. We are all so very much in need of Jesus. So thankful for my amazing Savior!!


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Wednesday, May 16, 2012

DAY 652: ACTS 14

Up till almost 3am last night. Good times. Thankfully early to bed at the beginning of the week paid off today. I'm tired but more just the overwhelming feeling of being rundown. This has actually been really good in having even more compassion for my mom. She has struggled with crazy allergies for a long time. It really does just whoop a person. For this new insight I am thankful. I really just want to piss and moan about how I just want to feel well again but I know God wants to use even this to change me. Love that my Great God would use something as evil as pollen and turn it into something beautiful.

Great time with ladies I love today. I love how God reveals things to us by discussing with others. I think it makes us feel less freakish and not alone. At least that is part of the beauty of a community of believers. Love God's design in all of that. Look forward to what God is going to do in the hearts of the Good and Angry book club.

My Lukeypotamus is four today. He was still a wonderful stinkpot but he shined today. So great to see him being the center of such good attention. I love that amazing kid.

ACTS 14:
Chapter starts out strong.

At Iconium Paul and Barnabas went as usual into the Jewish synagogue. There they spoke so effectively that a great number of Jews and Greeks believed. (Acts 14:1 NIV)

I know this is lame but having a hard time concentrating tonight especially with Adventures in Odyssey on in the background.

Must revisit tomorrow chapter is fascinating.

Big take away again is their boldness in light of opposition. Wags is getting some heat on his tweets on gay marriage. I'll be honest it's easy to slip into a world view on this one. Love must equal tolerance but this is a crazy lie. Am I willing to take a stand for the Jesus I claim to love so much even in light of opposition. The apostles sure did. In this chapter Paul was even stoned and drug off assumed dead. We are entering some crazy times. Will my actions live up to the faith I claim to have. Jesus make me bold.


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Tuesday, May 15, 2012

DAY 651: ACTS 13

I've decided that if I didn't have to attempt to run a household then I would be a pretty awesome mom. My deficiencies in the homemaking department stress me out and keep me distracted from what's really important. The keeping the ship churning that is the toil in my work. Right now it's the toil that seems to be wagging the dog. I'm at a loss to pull it together so the joy of raising my children gets sucked out as a sacrifice to all that needs to get done but never does. Praying for renewed perspective, looser hands, creativity and the fullness of joy from raising these amazing and somewhat wild children.

My Luke turns 4 tomorrow. I don't know how that is even possible. My laid back baby has grown up to be a full of life modern day Tom Sawyer. That kid knows how to get me hot and melt my heart all in the same second. Our family would not be the same with our wonderful instigating rebel rouser. So thankful for him and the mighty work God is using him to do on my heart.

ACTS 13:
Need to keep this short since I need to do homework for my Angry book tomorrow. That has been good so far by the way. Great for reflecting on all kinds of things. Have b-day surprises left to do too and I'm still crazy exhausted. I've fallen asleep before 10 the past several nights so it's not lack of sleep. Evil pollen is wrecking me this year.

Paul and Barnabas are sent off to preach the gospel.

While they were worshiping the Lord and fasting, the Holy Spirit said, "Set apart for me Barnabas and Saul for the work to which I have called them." So after they had fasted and prayed, they placed their hands on them and sent them off. (Acts 13:2, 3 NIV)

These first three verses are a beautiful picture of the tight knit community the body of believers was at the time. Love how God set these two apart to do His work. I don't know why but love the thought of being set apart for the service of Christ. What an honor and a joy!!

I pity those who stand in the way of gospel being proclaimed. A certain sorcerer named Bar-Jesus tried but got the smack down.
"You are a child of the devil and an enemy of everything that is right! You are full of all kinds of deceit and trickery. Will you never stop perverting the right ways of the Lord? (Acts 13:10 NIV)

Can you imagine being called a child of the devil and an enemy of all that is right? Ouch!! Really if you are not for God you are His enemy and a child of the devil. This kind of thinking kinda lights a fire on under my butt to share the gospel. I cant help but think of all the "nice" people I know that have no idea they are children of the devil.

There's so much more but distractions abound and brain aloof. Till tomorrow.


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Monday, May 14, 2012

DAY 650: ACTS 12

Feeling better today. Still same ole sinus and ear infection but think the kid crud on top of it is letting up. Thankful. Feeling more armed to handle my wild crew today. Sally Clarkson had some good words during her sessions. I struggle with knowing how much grace vs justice to deliver. Really when it all comes down to it, it's always about the heart. My heart as well as theirs. Freakishly grace seems to actually work with Luke. I think the key with him is to surround that boy with crazy insane love. If we're not connected no amount of sad man will ever work for long. Today as I was searching his heart on why he called his sister fat I found out a friend called him fat and it hurt his feelings. I love that kid.

Finally read the first chapter of Good and Angry today. Excited about this book. First chapter seems to be an overview but I have high hopes for this book. The point I've taken away the most on this book is if I'm responding to my kids in anger I loose the ability to penetrate my kids heart. Discipline is worthless if it doesn't do the job of training and discipline.

Acts 12:
In this chapter James is put to death and Peter is thrown in jail. This rag tag group of disciples have turned out to be some bold and fearless warriors of Christ. Reading through Acts really makes me want to pick up the book Forgotten God by Francis Chan. Looking forward to my kids becoming readers so that I can model that for them and work through the hefty book list I've got going. Anyway, the Holy Spirit is alive and working and it has given the men in this book crazy boldness. Once again I'm inspired by this kind of passion.

An angel comes and busts Peter out of prison. He's sleeping between guards and the dude is set free! Crazy amazing stuff. Can't think of the nAme of the song but the lyrics "never once did I ever walk alone, You are faithful God you are faithful" keeps ringing in my ears for this chapter. Persecution was crazy. It was from the Jews and the government. Being a Christ Follower came at a high cost. I sometimes wonder if we miss out on the awesomeness of following Jesus simply because it comes easy and we take it for granted. I don't want to take it granted anymore.


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Sunday, May 13, 2012

DAY 649: ACTS 11

Great day today. Nap, ice cream, Chuy's, cards painted by precious hands and feet carved by a man I adore. Great day yet guilt and shame still tried to rain on my parade. Feel like a looser daughter and still can't understand why I can't get our household in order. Thankful the shame did not stick around. So very thankful that God has flipped my idea of motherhood upside down.

A wonderful text about a precious friends pregnancy got me wondering if I was too. I've been so beyond exhausted and Paul once again said I had a baby in my belly. My son needs to give up his days as a pregnancy prophet, no baby in this belly. Oddly enough I'm slightly disappointed. Other than extreme fatigue no other reason why I would be knocked up. Not even sure if my fertility has come back yet. I will say that the feeling of disappointment is much better than anxiety over the possibly of being with child. Bella has taught me a lot.

ACTS 11:
This book continues to be inspiring. The gospel is spreading like crazy. Oh to be this fired up about the gospel. I want to be! I don't want to be able to keep my mouth shut. Dinner tonight and our waitress showed a moment of vulnerability. I sat and waited for opportunity to arise and yet since nothing obvious happened I said nothing. I have no idea how to be winsome in those situations. Put me in a group that I've built a relationship with and I'll gladly share my faith and invite people to church. I'm open to sharing but I wonder if sometimes I should just go for it instead of waiting for the opportunity to present itself. I'm confused. I don't know how receptive I would have been if I had been on the receiving end. Hard to say. Either way I love the boldness that is happening and how God is paving the way for the Gentiles.


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Saturday, May 12, 2012

DAY 648: ACTS 10

Can't hardly keep my eyes open. So run down and exhausted. Love how God spoke to Peter in this chapter. God goes to great lengths to reach and teach us.


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Friday, May 11, 2012

DAY 647: ACTS 9

Tired. Great day at my first homeschool conference. Wanting to go tomorrow too but really missing my family. Having fun together as a family fills my tank in huge ways. Torn between being inspired or having my tank filled. I am ridiculously blessed!

Reaffirmed in our decision to homeschool today. I never would have chosen this path for myself but thankful God is leading us on this crazy and wonderful journey. I will admit today was slightly overwhelming but other than a $10 purchase stuck to my plan with confidence. I'm also reminded that the speakers I heard today also have the wisdom of 20 plus years of homeschooling. Some of them might have actually looked something kinda like me. It doesn't matter. I will be most satisfied if I learn to embrace who God made me to be instead of trying hard to be somebody I'm not. Best thing I heard today was if I've prayed with and read God's to my kids that no matter what else happens I can consider that day a success. Simply beautiful. I don't know how the simple truths get so lost in the day to day. It's easy. Seek His face and everything else will fall in place.

Again just another amazing action packed chapter. No way to get through all of this. Saul was on his way to damascus to arrest more believers and Jesus himself steps in. Amazing! Saul is blind for three days but for the first time in his life he can truly see. God calls Ananias to come heal Saul. His response is classic!

"Lord," Ananias answered, "I have heard many reports about this man and all the harm he has done to your holy people in Jerusalem. And he has come here with authority from the chief priests to arrest all who call on your name." (Acts 9:13, 14 NIV)

Ananias acts as if God is confused about who Saul is and about the request being made. I so do this. But God you must be confused, don't you realize the request you are making is irrational. Why do we doubt? Why do I drag my feet so often? He is God. The God who can change Saul's into Paul's can do anything.

I love the Lord's response to Ananias.

But the Lord said to Ananias, "Go! This man is my chosen instrument to proclaim my name to the Gentiles and their kings and to the people of Israel. I will show him how much he must suffer for my name." (Acts 9:15, 16 NIV)

Wow! We too are God's chosen instrument. What an incredible honor! I pray that I would live a life worthy as such. The last part of the verse is something I long to be willing to do for the sake of Christ and yet the thought of what that could mean terrifies me. May my heart be willing to suffer boldly for His sake, honor and glory!

So much more amazing stuff in this chapter but got some time to spend with my handsome hubster.


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Thursday, May 10, 2012

DAY 646: ACTS 8

I feel like writing tonight will make my brain hurt too much. Feel pukey tonight. I've fallen off the no added sugar wagon and I've been paying for it. Every time I eat a meal with sugar in it I feel yuck afterwards. That alone is good enough reason to stick with it.

Good day today. Weather was beautiful and it was so great sitting outside hanging with two amazing friends. It was great not trying to accomplish something and just enjoy my hubster, the friendships God has blessed me with, great kids and the weather. I wish more days were as simple as today.

Went to check in on a neighbor who recently has lost her husband. She has on a brave face but I caught moments of sheer grief in her face. My heart aches for her. Loving on her might provide an opportunity with another neighbor whose own grief has lead to interesting things. Our next door neighbor finally moves in tomorrow as well so hopefully opportunity all over the place. Going to a HS book fair/conference tomorrow and possibly Saturday. Bad timing as I'd like to figure out our summer neighborhood plans and pass flyers for our 3rd annual block party. Strike that, timing will be perfect as always. I pray this will become more of an opportunity to have a Mary heart and Martha hands.

Hubs headed home and I want to love him well by picking up some of the mess of today. Crazy chapter though. Philip and the Ethiopian is just another example of God's amazing and wonderful timing. Nothing is coincidence. Nothing. Everything is wonderfully orchestrated by the Creator of all things, including time itself. I find much comfort in that.

Have to post this verse:

But Saul began to destroy the church. Going from house to house, he dragged off both men and women and put them in prison. (Acts 8:3 NIV)

The man who once began to destroy the church would be a man who helped to build the church. This is the kind of God we serve who can create such remarkable stories of life change. So beautiful!!!!


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Wednesday, May 09, 2012

DAY 645: ACTS 6&7

Sitting with my daughter who is still going strong and all I want to do is pass out. Reminded today of what a selfish ass I can be. Too tired to go into details but I have so much dying to do. My focus is often on things that are so temporal instead of fixing my gaze on the eternal. May God help change my heart and give me eyes to truly see what is important.

Today I got so angry at Luke for throwing the little rocking chair I had and my mom had as a child in the pool outside. He had already throw everything in the backyard including lawn chairs in it. Maybe it's my fault for not coming down harder on him. It doesn't matter. Although the chair has seen a couple generations it's just a silly chair. My boy's soul is eternal and that chair will one day cease to exist. I wish I could have this perspective in the moment. Is my motive in discipline to draw that child closer to Christ or is it just my attempt to control.

ACTS 6&7:
I can't even begin to touch this. It is way too much for one sitting. This story that is played out in these two chapters is so stinking compelling. I want to live life like this. This is who I want to become. These dudes get it. Their eyes are locked onto the eternal and nothing is going to shake them from their mission of proclaiming the gospel. It's inspiring and oh so beautiful. I'll end with these last two verses.

While they were stoning him, Stephen prayed, "Lord Jesus, receive my spirit." Then he fell on his knees and cried out, "Lord, do not hold this sin against them." When he had said this, he fell asleep. (Acts 7:59, 60 NIV)

Holy smokes! I wanna get me some of this kinda faith.

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Tuesday, May 08, 2012

DAY 644: ACTS 4&5

My ear is oozing and painful again. I have much compassion for my little bit who also has an ear infection. I'm considering trying out a homeopathic doc this time. I think my insides might fall out if I have to take anymore antibiotics. With Bella's possible reaction to her meds I'd hate to have more junk run through her system as well. This morning I wanted to pull out my tiny fiddle and complain about having yet another sinus/ear infection combo. My body is tired of fighting infection and I miss the extra energy it zaps from me. However, it's been such a wonderful lesson on how to rely more on God. I start the day tapped out and there is nothing I have that I can offer my kids. Before I can do anything I am already forced to be humble and ask God for help. It's a beautiful thing for this self reliant girl and for that I can praise God for yet another infection!

I have this dear friend who wanted a partner in crime to read the book Good and Angry. I agreed and it's been a blessing to see it grow into a beautiful group of women. My neighbors name popped into my head this afternoon so I asked if she wanted to join. This was her response
"Honestly after looking at this book I am in tears because it is exactly what I have been crying out to God about and I have been so encouraged because I have seen God changing my heart it ways I never thought possible and then for him to provide an opportunity like this is beyond words. Not only is there the awsome information this book offers but I learn so much better in format like this so He is making sure that it really sinks in for me. I am so grateful to Him and u. I cant wait to get started. Thank u again so very much."

How awesome is God? I didn't realize it until just now but I've been struggling with prayer apathy for years. Years. It's been gnawing at me that I want this to change. I desire to pray with power and passion and purpose once again. The invite I extended today was not just for her, it was for me as well. I need to be reminded that God cares and that He hears us. Not only does He hear us but He answers in amazing ways.

I'm pretty confident that my prayer apathy set in at my grandfathers death. I prayed desperately that I would make it back home in time to be able to say goodbye. I missed that chance by a mere hours. It was at that point that I began to believe the lie that it didn't matter what I prayed God was going to do what God wanted to do. Although God is Sovereign, he also cares greatly about the requests I bring before Him. He's also able to see the big picture and I can not. If I was supposed to say goodbye to man that was the closest thing to a father to me than God is big enough to have made that happen. For whatever reason the plan God chose was bigger and better than my desire to say goodbye. I believe this wholeheartedly. His plan is always better than mine. My constant reminder is sleeping ever so peacefully next to me. God is good and I'm so thankful He is growing my heart to trust that more and more everyday.

ACTS 4&5:
There is not enough hours in the day to unpack this. It is simply awesome and inspiring. This is how I want to live. Peter and John were bold, passionate and powerful. Their focus was clear and nothing was going to hinder them from accomplishing their mission of proclaiming the gospel. I want my life to be marked by this kind of boldness. I'm so far from it. My focus is poor and I often get ensnared in the trap of insecurity. If my focus was clear I'd remember that God's will is going to be carried out despite any obstacles that may occur. If I rested in this daily there would be so much less struggle.

The Jewish rulers thought they had put an end to their Jesus problem by nailing him to a tree. They were so mistaken. They had no idea what kind of damage control they would need when up against a band of spirit filled apostles. What an exciting time for the Church. If only it still possessed this kind of power!! The truth is, it does just not in America. This kind of zeal does not occur when there is no cost. We are free to worship and yet our culture has cheapened the church. Like the Pharisees and the sadducees we've created our own brand of Christianity. It's very comfortable.

I could go on and on but I'll hop of my soap box and end with this beauty:

The apostles left the Sanhedrin, rejoicing because they had been counted worthy of suffering disgrace for the Name. (Acts 5:41 NIV)

This is the kind of faith I want to have. I write this with boldness and hope that I too may one day be worthy of suffering disgrace for the Name. Just to keep it real my boldness dropped off significantly while writing the second half of that sentence.


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Monday, May 07, 2012

DAY 643: ACT 3

Was going to write about how overwhelmed and nutty I feel today but instead I am overcome with joy tonight for a family who is adopting. I have been blessed to witness such beauty happen in the life of this child. The redemption piece in the story of this child and the story of this family is beautiful. Oh how God makes so many things beautiful. I pray that my children would not be wooed by the beauty of this world but are compelled by the amazing beauty only He can create.

Really rough night with my sweet Bella last night. The kid is miserable. Hard to figure if she has some kind of virus causing her to be so miserable or if a reaction to antibiotics is the culprit. Either way she is one sad baby. Right now she is sleeping peacefully. Hoping that remains the case and we don't have Act 2 from yesterday. Once again so thankful for amazing medical care. I was definitely concerned for my sweet one today and relieved to find out she'll be fine soon enough. Thank you God for good health. I take it for granted daily!!!

So scattered tonight. My heart is hurting for my hubs tonight. I have no details to share but I long for so many things for him. I am so incredibly proud of him and so thankful that I get to be apart of the story God is writing in his life. I could not have dreamed up a better man then him to be my husband, God has just been that good to me. Thankful!

I can't read this chapter without hearing a song on a Wee Joice CD which is actually currently playing in my van.

"Peter and John went to pray, they met a lame man on the way. He asked for alms and held out his palms and this is what Peter did say. Silver and gold have I none but such as I have give I thee, in the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth rise up and walk. He went walking and leaping and praising God, walking and leaping and praising God."

What a crazy picture this is. A lame man by the temple gates called Beautiful. He thinks he knows what he wants that will satisfy. I was the lame woman who sat broken before the gate called Beautiful. I sat begging for everything I thought would heal the pain I felt and offer a glimmer of temporary happiness. Then this Jesus of Nazareth came along. I spent years mocking him and placed the nails in His hands and feet with my very own sin. Yet he still chose to heal this lane woman. Thankful and incredibly tired.


Sunday, May 06, 2012

DAY 642: ACTS 2 (vs 14-41)

Baptism today. One of my favorite days in the life of a church member. Was hard to catch stories and watch people get dunked with four kids itching to get sugary treats and bounce in bounce houses. I miss that part of baptism but still to be around and watch people walk around soaked and beaming brings much joy. I wanted to be an odd person and hug each one and welcome them into the family. Each sopping mess represents a beautiful story of redemption. I love the stories God writes in the lives of His children.

Having a hard time focusing tonight. It's interesting how what you choose to read on any given day can match up so beautifully with the day.

Those who accepted his message were baptized, and about three thousand were added to their number that day. (Acts 2:41 NIV)

So fitting on this day of baptism. Peter gives a compelling speech and many choose to repent and be baptized. I will be honest though, even reading through it now and knowing the joy I've found walking with Christ, sometimes there is a small voice that wonders if it's true. I understand why the people of Nazareth had a very hard time believing. The truth is I have not a thing to boast about. I was chosen and if it wasn't for God removing the scales in my eyes and pursuing me I too would have remained an enemy of Christ.

The promise is for you and your children and for all who are far off—for all whom the Lord our God will call." (Acts 2:39 NIV)

Verses like this can be difficult at times. I want to believe that God calls all of us and desires for all of His children to believe. Yet I also know that He hardens hearts as well. This is hard to grapple with at times. What I do know to be true is that God is good and I'm comfortable hashing this out with Him.

Got thrown off my train of thought once again and now that baby is up again and I took a stroll through our dirty kitchen to pass out snacks I'm done. Wonderful chapter though. Gets me fired up about our neighborhood!


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Saturday, May 05, 2012

DAY 641: ACTS 2 (vs 1-13)

Arms were filled with a sad baby girl for most of today. Sad about missing opportunity to be with a cherished friend in from out of town and knocking out more laundry. Good to be reminded that its not all about me. Hoping tomorrow my sweet one will wake up a new baby.

This chapter is pretty stinking amazing. The church started off with a bang. Trying really hard to take all of this chapter in.

(another rough night with one of our kiddos. Just spent time trying to figure out if these Brownies truly are strong willed or I'm just a failure of a parent. Just read an article that made me feel a whole lot better. I'm not alone in the screaming, the raging fits, insane disrespect and defiance. Get this! Refusing to go to bed is a trait of strong willed kids. Thank goodness there is a reason why these kids refuse to sleep!! Thankful for the constant sharpening that occurs with these amazing kids. On another interesting note my feral child seems to be the least strong willed of them all. He is however my pot stirrer.)

Not sure if I'll be able to get back on track but I'll try.

When the day of Pentecost came, they were all together in one place. (Acts 2:1 NIV)

I'm struck by the fact that they were all together in one place. Back in the day there was lack of lots of the conveniences of today yet it seems as if their lives lacked the busyness that marks ours. There was no rushing off to this thing or that thing. You couldn't serve in areas across town so you just served right where you were with your neighbors. You owned few things and there was a lot less choice to have to make. People had much more time to all be together. The clock wasn't an ever present task master. I become more and more convinced that all the excess and stuff that we have combined with our constant busyness slowly eats away at our souls.

All of them were filled with the Holy Spirit and began to speak in other tongues as the Spirit enabled them. (Acts 2:4 NIV)

I am so very encouraged by this verse. I remember praying often for my precious friend Erin that God would overcome the language barrier. Now I once again find myself praying the same thing for a sweet neighbor. He is bigger than any obstacles that seem to stand in the way!!

Now there were staying in Jerusalem God-fearing Jews from every nation under heaven. When they heard this sound, a crowd came together in bewilderment, because each one heard their own language being spoken. (Acts 2:5, 6 NIV)

There were Jews from all nations, natural born and converted staying in Jerusalem when the gift of the Holy Spirit was given to the disciples. This is a sweet and precious reminder that God is in the details and that His Sovereignty is beautiful. I don't ever need to worry or stress about anything because my Lord holds all things wonderfully together in His hands.

Some, however, made fun of them and said, "They have had too much wine." (Acts 2:13 NIV)

This is a reminder that for some hearts will be hard and it doesn't matter what you do, they will choose to ignore the truth.


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Friday, May 04, 2012

DAY 640: ACTS 1

Another opportunity to give thanks for great medical care today. Little bit has an ear infection which explains the fever and grumpiness. I figured as much but so thankful I could make an appointment at our pedi and not even think twice. I make appointments all the time and don't even think twice.

On another health note trying hard note to grumble about yet another impending sinus infection. I feel like I have been kicked repeatedly in the face with cleats. I know I have not a single thing to grumble and complain about. I have been beyond blessed with health but I'm frustrated about being taken out by silly pollen. Spring is the most wonderful time of the year. It's bursting forth with life yet it feels like a slow itchy death. I love Texas and yet it hates me so. Every year it gets worse. It's enough to make me want to move far away to another allergy free state. Okay rant over. Feel silly for all of it, for being taken out by a simple sinus infection and for wanting to piss and moan about it.

Talking to a friend today and just hearing out loud thoughts of ditching bible study next year and starting one up on my street sounds like the perfect plan. I loved bible study this year. It has been my favorite year by far. Nothing really different about it other than a heart that desired to be humble. I'm glad that it will be missed. Still praying through it and not wanting to be a fool.

Excited about reading through Acts. Hoping to be inspired. The first thing I see right off is the prayer that is happening in this group.

They all joined together constantly in prayer, along with the women and Mary the mother of Jesus, and with his brothers. (Acts 1:14 NIV)

Why does prayer seem so hard? When I think about how often I intentionally pray with others I'm saddened at the obvious lack. My own prayer life is mediocre at best. I long for a more vibrant prayer life, to once again pray with much passion, expectant hope and with power. Instead I'm a flare praying fool and often my prayer is a one way street. I'm saddened by this. I pray that our family is marked by prayer. That we gather often to pray and that our prayer is more than just lip service at mealtimes and bedtime. I pray that God's Word and prayer is the very marrow in our bones that helps us to grow strong.

This is interesting to me.
Then they cast lots, and the lot fell to Matthias; so he was added to the eleven apostles. (Acts 1:26 NIV)

I'm fascinated by the casting of lots. I would love to bring that back!! Might need to dig in and investigate a little bit more.


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Thursday, May 03, 2012

DAY 639: JOHN 21

Today was a bit off. Sweet little bit is running a fever this evening so that explains a lot. Oldest bit testing my patience right now. Can't get this done with all the distractions and we have an in home date night tonight. Need to go reassure oldest as well. Great chapter. Biggest take away tonight is that I wish I was as eager to be with the Lord as Peter. Sometimes I am but my heart can be so very fickle. I choose taco bell over a gourmet meal. Off to go chat with our big little Picasso.


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Wednesday, May 02, 2012

DAY 638: JOHN 20

Way too many distractions tonight. Texts a flying, getting called out on my competitive childbearing comments, new name for BB and twisted guts from eating pizza twice today. This chapter is so refreshing compared to last night but having a hard time not checking the box and just reading it. Several parts caught my eye but in my distracted state this verse is screaming.

And with that he breathed on them and said, "Receive the Holy Spirit. (John 20:22 NIV)

All I can do right now is picture Jesus blowing on his disciples while sitting in a nest. Thankful for today, for my awesome hubs, abundant blessing in my five brownies, and friends willing to sharpen me.


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Tuesday, May 01, 2012

DAY 637: JOHN 19

Much better day today. The grocery store was not part of today so of course our day was better. Excited tonight over the realization that Abbie is reading. She's no longer sounding out every word but straight up reading them. It's crazy how the light just flips on. Excited for her and fired up that I was the one who taught my daughter to read!! Les and I can totally do this homeschool thing. This makes all the head butting worth it! Hoping the head butting gets easier once Paul is officially in Kindergarten. That kid is so eager!

Took a meal to a neighbor whose husband died last week. My heart aches for her as I know this week will get hard as family goes back home. Need a bigger van so I can take lots and lots of people to church. Been thinking about starting a women's bible study for the people on my street. Gonna feel out this summer but pretty confident this is the direction we should go in reaching out to our neighbors.

JOHN 19:
Really didn't want to read this today. I never really want to read these chapters. It's in chapters like these that I'm reminded of the consequences of my sin. It used to be easy shrugging this off. I thought Jesus died for the entire world and I was just fortunate to get lumped in with everyone. Now I know that even if I was the only sinner on earth Jesus would have still come and died to set me free. That kind of view changes everything and it makes me want to give my everything in response.


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