I am wore out. You'd think it would be from the 11 different kids that were in and out of BrownTown all day not including my own. Nope. It's from a rough week with one. One that feels about as much as 11 kids himself. I love that little wild stinkpot and I love that he brings me to my knees. It's in the difficulty that beauty shines forth.
Still praying through Africa. Pretty confident my answer will be no. Unless Bella wildly changes in the next five months then everybody is going to be miserable. As much as Africa seems like the opportunity of a lifetime I know that my number one mission field is at home. Great opportunity but not the best season of life. What would I be communicating too if I try to force this to work? My Brownies have been worth more than every single sacrifice I've had to make for them. I want people to know that no matter how great the cost may be children are worth it. Still completely open to hearing God say yes to this trip as well. He is a God who can make sweet babies not miss their Mommas do terribly and a God who can provide other awesome opportunity when the time is right. Either way I am so thankful for where God has grown my heart in all of this. I think God has used my pregnancy with Bella in some mighty ways. I'm so thankful for His incredible faithfulness.
I'm fading fast.
As it is written:
"There is no one righteous, not even one; there is no one who understands;
there is no one who seeks God. All have turned away,
they have together become worthless;
there is no one who does good,
not even one." (Romans 3:10-12 NIV)
There is no one who seeks God. I think often I can get prideful in thinking that I made a good choice to follow God and have Him rescue me from the pit. I chose nothing. He wooed and pursued me! I was too in love with the world and with my own sin to seek out God. Even now after knowing full well the goodness of God often I look elsewhere for satisfaction.
Can't keep eyes open but this chapter oh so good. Must revisit tomorrow.
Sent from my iPhone