Wednesday, July 31, 2013

DAY 1085: JEREMIAH 17 vs 1-8

Unusual but fun night in BrownTown. Somehow we all ended up in my daughters room and an unusual family game of my little ponies broke out. Somebody started renaming all of my girl's ponies. At first my girl was not all that excited about the names of her precious ponies being ruined but with some gentle encouragement she decided it was better to just let go and join in the silliness. Not sure if Poop Foot and Stinkey Pinkey will stick but it was quite the entertaining evening. Oh how wonderful when girl world collides with boy world.

So tired today. Trying to pull out some energy to get the simplest tasks done seems like a huge feat right now. I don't think the weekend will ever come. Due to my sloth like condition my kids got to watch Veggie Tales this morning on my bed while I laid down and snoozed off and on. When I think about it today was a fantastic day of snuggling and laying around on bedroom floors chatting with my sweet ones. Great pace of life today.

Starting to feel the heat to get some school planning done before baby comes. I know being able to start school once the baby gets here will help with transition. Not looking to be a rockstar but routine will be a beautiful gift during our transition time. Really starting to get excited about next year. Kids sat with me today and asked a million questions about our new to us kids world atlas. Their interest to learn gets me fired up! Something tonight also confirmed that teaching them about other people around the world and their culture is a fantastic idea!

JER 19:
Great chapter loaded full of wonderful stuff. Really want to dive in especially the second half about the Sabbath. Can not keep my eyes open tonight though. Really liked the contrast of these verses tonight.

This is what the Lord says: "Cursed is the one who trusts in man, who draws strength from mere flesh and whose heart turns away from the Lord. That person will be like a bush in the wastelands; they will not see prosperity when it comes. They will dwell in the parched places of the desert, in a salt land where no one lives. (Jeremiah 17:5, 6 NIV)

Cursed is the man who:
- trusts in men
- draws strength from mere flesh
-turn their heart away from The Lord

Draws strength from mere flesh is a huge gut punch. Just confirms the latest repeating theme that God wants to deal with my issues of self reliance. He wants me dependent on Him! Hoping this lesson is gentle and incredibly painful.

Love the contrast of a person who trusts in The Lord:

"But blessed is the one who trusts in the Lord, whose confidence is in him. They will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream. It does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green. It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit." (Jeremiah 17:7, 8 NIV)

A person who trusts in The Lord:
- is Blessed!
- they have confidence in Him
- roots that are down deep and will not shrivel

These people continue to thrive in times of drought. They do not worry in hard times and they remain fruitful in times of plenty and in times of drought.

I know what I want my life to look like. Need to continue the pruning in my life so that roots continue to grow deep and don't stay in shallow ground. Much yucky fruit needs to be cut off so that life giving fruit may spring forth not just in the spring but in the dead of winter as well.


Tuesday, July 30, 2013

DAY 1084: JER 16

Tired from a wiggly grindy baby last night. Not much to say today. Good times at the Golden Arches with a friend and midwife appt. think my hubs might have passed out but if I can get Bunny to bed and I don't pass out again I'll try to hit up a HS girl's night out. Need to take advantage of these truly solo nights out. Not many more left.

So don't like one of the midwives at the group we go to. Our personalities are probably completely incompatible. Praying I luck out yet again and don't get stuck with her. Might be tempted to call after the baby gets here if she's the one on call.

JER 16:
This is a hard read. These three verses say it all.

"You must not marry and have sons or daughters in this place." For this is what the Lord says about the sons and daughters born in this land and about the women who are their mothers and the men who are their fathers: "They will die of deadly diseases. They will not be mourned or buried but will be like dung lying on the ground. They will perish by sword and famine, and their dead bodies will become food for the birds and the wild animals." (Jeremiah 16:2-4 NIV)

It doesn't get much better after this. Sometimes it's hard to understand how God could exact vengeance like this. Yet The Lord warned them over and over again. He beckoned them repeatedly to turn back to Him and repent. They refused and continued to worship man made gods. They made a mockery of His commands and since God is just and doesn't force Himself on us He simply removed His protection. Even in this His heart was to continue to reveal who He was to His people so that they would turn back to Him as well as reveal Himself to the Gentiles.

God goes to great lengths to reveal Himself. Praying I will slow down enough and not get bogged down in the petty things to listen as He reveals Himself to me.

"Therefore I will teach them— this time I will teach them my power and might. Then they will know that my name is the Lord. (Jeremiah 16:21 NIV)


DAY 1084: PSALM 121

Goodness! I think I have felt every emotion under the sun today. Good day but emotionally spent in some ways. The MS ordeal and the committee interview has come to a stand still for now till Baby Cakes arrives. Was pretty hot on several occasions today over it. Rationally I know this is not a big deal in the grand scheme of things. I'm still confident God will continue to light our path every step of the way with or without a stupid committee. I'm sure the people on the committee are very nice indeed but I hate what committees stand for and frankly they are a trigger for me. If there's a lot of this committee world lurking in MS and we end up going The Lord obviously has a whole new crash course in sanctification. Oh goody! Hmmmm.... Maybe the flip side will true as well, I might be the rule breaking loose cannon that sanctifies MS. God does love to work that way and its kinda exciting to think along those terms.

Took our dog to vet since he's been puking and peeing all over our house. Nice! It's possible he has a kidney infection which would explain both. It's also possible he has cancer and that is what is causing the puking and the peeing. It's possible he has a kidney infection and cancer. Hoping the antibiotics will help him feel better and the daily mess will resolve shortly. Not ready to even entertain the alternative right now. I'm the worst pet owner ever and poor Buster has been my pregnancy scape goat for years now but I really do love that dog.

God's timing and His provision was crazy evident tonight at Shelter. Heavy yet wonderful conversations before group even began. Over and over again BAM! there's God happened. Wish I had enough battery and energy to elaborate but what a wonderful crazy night to end on.

Speaking of crazy was talking with my sweet co-leader tonight after group and my passionate son hurt his toe. There was blood so the pain mixed with his inability to see blood on his body lead to quiet the screams and howls. Carried him off to the car with him in almost hysterics. I'll be honest at one point it was starting to make me angry but thanks to God's provision was able to remain empathetic and help him calm down. He eventually got ahold of himself and when calm enough said the sweetest prayer in the car on the way home. He was able to handle dad cleaning up the wound without launching into hysterics again. This act of self control wouldn't be a huge victory for some of my kids BUT for this one it was huge!!! So very proud of him! Great to be able to celebrate the victories I see in my kids big and small.

PS 121:
Wasn't sure what song to close with on this last week of Shelter. Had every intention of checking some suggestions by friends today but it just didn't happen. The song Always was stuck in my head today. Went with that one as our group was already there and it really could not have been more perfect. Obviously it was hand picked by God tonight. This is the Psalm most of the lyrics come from. There's another song on the Shout the Word CD we have that also comes from this Psalm that I've always adored. Phone about to die but I encourage you to read this one and truly drink deep. We are so crazy loved by God. So thankful that He will forever be my refuge and my strength.


Sunday, July 28, 2013

DAY 1083: PSALM 55

It was quite the morning. I'm at the completely exhausted part of pregnancy. Sleep is spotty and elusive and today my discomfort kicked into high gear. Lots of contractions which are increasing in intensity and my back is killing me. Little Miss Whatever Her Name is probably facing the wrong way. Honestly very thankful these shenanigans have waited this long to start. Easiest pregnancy so far. Hoping this bodes well for labor!

Kids had a super fun day with their Daddy yesterday and were a bit worn out today. We were all a wonderful pack of grumpalumpas. My oldest boy struggled and I stayed calm and didn't jump in the ring with him through the screaming, kicking and hitting. His passion should not surprise me considering his name. Found a new painful consequence today by chance which hopefully will be helpful as that boy grows stronger. Taking away his Legos is very effective. Who knew?

Lost it about 30 minutes before Les got home. Trying to figure out lunch and actually cook it was half my problem. Boys were on my bed playing with Bella and I got that you need to go check on them feeling. They took her diaper off. Tried to remain calm although triggered as all get out. Questioned them a bit then told them that they needed to go to their room and get on their bed. That was so much more about protecting them and giving me time to process and cool down. When they didn't listen I snapped and just started screaming at them to go to their room. Not one of my finer moments. Raged at God for a bit. When I went to put my Bunny down for a nap God was gracious to calm my heart and give me much needed perspective. My hubs talk with the boys only confirmed God's gracious eyes to see. Was very thankful Les could handle this conversation as opposed to me trying to muddle through a talk while trying to get over being triggered like crazy and grasp like mad for perspective.

Verse of the day caught my eye so I dove in here tonight.

These verses felt so real to me today.

Confuse them, Lord, and frustrate their plans, for I see violence and conflict in the city. Its walls are patrolled day and night against invaders, but the real danger is wickedness within the city. (Psalms 55:9, 10 NLT)

Feel like we've tried the best we can to protect our kids as well as we can. Yet today it felt like the inside of our home is just as unsafe if not more so than outside of our home. Again today so thankful for a God who is okay with rage directed at Him yet who is still so compassionate to be my rock of truth. I could have continued to let emotion and my own past hurt rule me today. Instead chose to cling to truth and look at things with a rational lens. So many things to be thankful for today. Most of all thankful for a God who cares about my burdens no matter how big or small because He loves me so incredibly much.

Give your burdens to the Lord, and he will take care of you. He will not permit the godly to slip and fall. (Psalms 55:22 NLT)


Saturday, July 27, 2013


Not sure how this is going to roll tonight. Went up to the retreat just for the day today. So hard not to stay the night or even be there all weekend. During our quiet time today I realized just how much my soul longed to be in a quiet place. So recharged by spending good quality time with amazing women as well. The theme of being wise has rung in my ears though and today chatting with a gal it was reconfirmed that my decision to be wise and just go for the day was the right call. As I'm sitting here by the fountain at my church and starting to feel like something horrible is a brewing I really feel like I've made a wise choice. Hiding out for a bit to try to string together all that went through my head this morning and wait for children to be snoozing before I come home. I think feeling yuck in the quiet is better than feeling yuck when trying to love on a small herd of wonderful wiggly children.

So today read through the account of Joseph and Moses and the big picture God had in all of it. Lots stood out to me.

These are the four big take aways that will probably make no sense later.

1. Hardships produce a beautiful harvest.

These words in Exodus stood out to me today:
"But the more the Egyptians oppressed them, the more quickly the Israelites multiplied."

It doesn't feel like hardship and difficulty in life will prosper us yet time and time again biblically and even in my own life I'm shown over and over again that its in the difficult seasons of life that we are multiplied. Joseph became the man that he was because of the hardships that he endured. The Israelites were in captivity for 400 years yet in that time they remained faithful to God. It's when they were taken out of slavery and brought into prosperity that they walked away from The Lord. It's our hardships that help keep us reliant and tethered to Christ.

2. In my busyness am I able to see the burning bushes?

Unfortunately this one has lead me back to MS. Part of me wants to celebrate over the latest MS drama. I want to be done with MS. I want to stay here. Yet even more than I desire to remain here and stay at a church that I love I desire to be obedient. I sat and did my quiet time by a lake today. I was reminded of how much my heart and soul connects with God in nature. I was reminded of the slower pace in MS and the how the beauty that I saw today can be daily accessible in MS. It was echoed again as a girl shared how going home to her parents house she realized how the drone of traffic and pace of life here has impacted her kids. She didn't realize how much her heart had missed the simple sounds of crickets and the simplicity of children set free in God's creation. Even now the quiet serenity is gone. The sound of the traffic and the to and fro is overpowering the sounds that God has made.

"When The Lord saw that He had caught Moses' attention, God called to him from the bush..."

How often has God tried to catch my attention but I've missed it due to the busy drone of life? How much more would I be blessed by the very presence of God if only busyness wasn't replacing much needed silence.

3. How am I letting my past define me?

Here I think of Moses. God called him to deliver His people and yet Moses' balked at the idea because of his stutter. Here's the bigger picture of his stutter in Acts:
Moses was taught all the wisdom of the Egyptians, and he was powerful in both speech and action. (Acts 7:22 NLT)

Moses was both powerful in SPEECH and in action. This does not seem like a man who stutters or lacks command of language. So what's the deal?

"One day when Moses was forty years old, he decided to visit his relatives, the people of Israel. He saw an Egyptian mistreating an Israelite. So Moses came to the man's defense and avenged him, killing the Egyptian. Moses assumed his fellow Israelites would realize that God had sent him to rescue them, but they didn't. "The next day he visited them again and saw two men of Israel fighting. He tried to be a peacemaker. 'Men,' he said, 'you are brothers. Why are you fighting each other?' "But the man in the wrong pushed Moses aside. 'Who made you a ruler and judge over us?' he asked. (Acts 7:23-27 NLT)

Moses' let his zeal for God's people lead him astray. God had already written on his heart that he would be sent to rescue his people. The problem is that he didn't wait for The Lord in how he approached that desire and call on his life. Yet even when we take things into our own hands the story is never over.

"So God sent back the same man his people had previously rejected when they demanded, 'Who made you a ruler and judge over us?' Through the angel who appeared to him in the burning bush, God sent Moses to be their ruler and savior. And by means of many wonders and miraculous signs, he led them out of Egypt, through the Red Sea, and through the wilderness for forty years. (Acts 7:35, 36 NLT)

Moses though called by God forgiven and redeemed was not able to let go of his past. His mistakes and the rejection by people. He begged for Aaron and God allowed it but Aaron would become a thorn in Moses side.

4. Am I fully embracing freedom or am I grumbling and complaining and living in captivity?

"Moses himself told the people of Israel, 'God will raise up for you a Prophet like me from among your own people.' Moses was with our ancestors, the assembly of God's people in the wilderness, when the angel spoke to him at Mount Sinai. And there Moses received life-giving words to pass on to us. "But our ancestors refused to listen to Moses. They rejected him and wanted to return to Egypt. They told Aaron, 'Make us some gods who can lead us, for we don't know what has become of this Moses, who brought us out of Egypt.' (Acts 7:37-40 NLT)

Moses is such a beautiful allegory of how Jesus would come to lead us out of captivity and into freedom. The Israelites had been set free of captivity and yet the grumbled and complained constantly. I have been lead into freedom!!! Why then do I grumble and complain about my circumstances? The waves don't worry about where they will crash. The birds don't fret over where they will sleep or how they will eat. Why do I let the circumstances of this life interfere with the great knowledge that I have been set free? I once lived in captivity but now I am free indeed! I am free from guilt and shame, insecurity, fear, worry, doubt, my past. I AM FREE! Yet daily I grumble and complain and desire to wear the chains that have held me in captivity.

5. The situations I encounter in life feel incredibly personal BUT the story is not just about me!

Then the Lord said to Abram, "You can be sure that your descendants will be strangers in a foreign land, where they will be oppressed as slaves for 400 years. But I will punish the nation that enslaves them, and in the end they will come away with great wealth. After four generations your descendants will return here to this land, for the sins of the Amorites do not yet warrant their destruction." (Genesis 15:13, 14, 16 NLT)

The captivity of the Israelites felt very personal to them. It probably felt like their situation was all about them. This could not be further than the truth. The timing and every single detail of that trial was not just about the Israelites, it was also about the Egyptians and the Amorites and I'm sure a whole host of other people. My frustration in our current MS situation or any situation for that matter seems and feels so personal and yet there is a whole host of other players and eternal implications that I am completely unaware of. In my circumstances who are the Amorites that God is trying to extend grace to? This life is not about me, I was created to glorify God and whether or not a go along for the ride willingly or with a heart of gratitude God's will and His glory will be accomplished. How much better for me to remember that this life is NOT about me and choose to embrace joy and gratitude in any and every circumstance. Contentment is one if the most beautiful things I can learn and achieve in this life.

Two more side notes and spin offs from my time with God today.

1. I need to make priority to get up extra early at least once a week and spend that time in the quiet and stillness of God's creation and the morning. My soul desperately longs for that time which is different from my usual time in the evening. There's more soul space in the quiet and the stillness of the morning.

2. Part of my hesitation in this whole MS situation is that I fear growing complacent in MS. I fear growing way too comfortable and loosing sight of kicking against the goads and living in a world that can be harsh and cynical.

On that note I'm off to a sweet husband who put sweet precious babies to bed.


Friday, July 26, 2013


I am a grumpy tired beast today. Sweet Bunny up most of the night puking off and on. She's doing much better today but Momma is exhausted. Thankful the conference wrap up was quick and my hubs was home to the rescue. Midwife appointment was good today. Still measuring small which is a first for this chick. Have felt smaller this entire pregnancy. Started off heavier this pregnancy too which is even more bizarro. I'll take it! Baby is low which is not surprising since it feels like I could walk this kid out. In about 1 to 4 weeks this kid will be here. Kinda crazy. So not ready. Midwife acted like I better get ready.

Should be chatting it up with a great group of gals tonight on a retreat. After chatting with my midwife and praying the best solution to this weekend seemed to hold off a day and see if I come down with the puke love. Still kinda torn about whether or not to stay Saturday night. I want to and I didn't get a no but I didn't get a that's a good idea either. Having to be wise stinks sometimes! Maybe I can plan a girls night out in town and that would be a great compromise. I can go get cheesecake. With all this I'm so thankful for the way God has gone before me and provided provision for this weekend. His hand in all the details never ceases to amaze me.

I really need to embrace this in the midst of all the MS stuff right now. Feel really bad for my hubs as I know he is really conflicted right now. Neither of us wants to react out of emotion but its also hard not to think that other things will be inflexible and rigid. Having a hard time with the fact that just because something seems stupid to me doesn't make it stupid. Yes I am prideful enough to think that if I deem something stupid therefore it is. Just keeping it real. I know God's right in the middle of all of this but I'm just so over it already. So thankful God does not grow weary nor is He as quick to be over it as I am. He is ever so patient. I should just embrace this as an opportunity to grow my own.

PROV 23:
Gut puncher from the get go.

When you sit to dine with a ruler, note well what is before you, and put a knife to your throat if you are given to gluttony. Do not crave his delicacies, for that food is deceptive. (Proverbs 23:1-3 NIV)

So I'll never have to worry about having dinner with a ruler but this doesn't mean that I should ignore these verses. Put a knife to your throat if given to gluttony. That's pretty darn strong words. I know there's implications being suggested that includes being with a ruler BUT there's still warning or gluttony. Nothing good can come out of it and it shows a lack of self control and living a life that is out of whack. When I really stop and think about being controlled by food it's so absurd that its almost laughable. Yet I totally have issues with food. Most Americans probably have issues with food. We've labeled a whole segment of food comfort food. Can we really draw comfort out of food? Yet I go to food for comfort all the time. I crave the delicacies of certain foods knowing full well they will only make me sick. This literally is insanity.

This verse is timely:
Do not speak to fools, for they will scorn your prudent words. (Proverbs 23:9 NIV)

There's a girl on FB that is all into wine. She's a professed believer but based on the frequency of her posts on wine you'd think she was a functioning alcoholic. Heck maybe she is one. Honestly it matters not. I am saddened that is what she is reaching for to cope instead of going to Jesus. For her it's wine, for me it's cheesecake so I don't want to cast the first stone. I know there are lots of things I go to first before I go to the throne. This morning I thought a gianormous cup of caffeine would be just the thing I needed for today. What I really needed all day was Jesus. That being said I see this girl leading another down the same road. They both are friends and I know the younger looks up to the older. The younger now is posting pics of being sad that her wine glass is empty. I know this girls dad is an alcoholic and her mom struggled with substance as well. I just see a train wreck in the making. I've wondered if I'm supposed to reach out and say anything. The problem is this sweet girl is hurting and has undealt with pain. Anything I said would most probably be viewed as a personal attack and would fall to deaf ears. I know this girl truly desires to follow Jesus but I think some of the things she has aligned herself with are just not good. This verse just confirms that anything I would say would just result in scorn and not in a hateful way but just by a girl who is hurting.

Apply your heart to instruction and your ears to words of knowledge. (Proverbs 23:12 NIV)

Truly hope that I'm doing this rather than deluding myself. I really do want to strive hard to live out a life based on biblical principles and not just one that is worldly or based on my emotions. So easy to deceive oneself. May my time in the Word truly be the daily heart surgery I need.

Do not withhold discipline from a child; if you punish them with the rod, they will not die. Punish them with the rod and save them from death. (Proverbs 23:13, 14 NIV)

Here's another one that is a total struggle for me. Balancing grace and justice as a parent is so difficult. It would be hard enough without throwing in my own sinful nature. Sometimes I'm much more concerned about them just doing what I say rather than what is going on in their hearts. Even when I'm addressing their hearts it's hard for my own heart issues to muddy the dang water. Thankful that His mercies are new every morning. Thankful that this parenting gig keeps me crazy tethered to Christ. Can not do it on my own!

My son, if your heart is wise, then my heart will be glad indeed; my inmost being will rejoice when your lips speak what is right. (Proverbs 23:15, 16 NIV)

YES!!!!!!!! When the fruit is apparent dang is it ever so good!


Thursday, July 25, 2013


Good day with all kinds of kids up in this joint.
Right after I wrote that my sweet Bunny puked all over the living room. Kinda like our dog did earlier that day. Had no idea it was going to turn into the day of puke. So glad there were ten extra kiddos that passed through this house at some point or another. Ugh! Other than the puke good day. Had a couple boys with hurt feelings surrounding playmates and siblings but provided great opportunity for some one on one time with each of them.

Today got news that the next phase of the MS process is not going to happen as originally anticipated. We had been told a video conference call would be sufficient but looking like that's going to work out after all. I'm pretty pissed about it. I have really appreciated their thoughtfulness and the process thus far but at this point in time I'm over it and I want to know what we're doing so I can mentally prepare myself either way. I'm 36 weeks on Monday and I so want this MS thing to be figured out so I can forget about it and focus on this baby! It's not helping that I think this last interview is just a formality and I hate crap like that. I hate doing things just to do things. Drives me nuts! The rule breaker in me is rebelling over this! I am proud of myself for keeping this to my hormonal self. Les came home tonight and expressed his own frustration which honestly I was relieved about. The plot thickens! Trying to get my undies out of my crawl and go back to just trusting. It has been a sweet season of not leaning on my own understanding in all of this and just following His lead.

PROV 22:
My sweet Bunny has puked numerous times through this already so going to read a proverb a sweet friend sent me and call it good. This poor sweet thing is so sick. Crazy how vicious puke bugs can be. Playing and having a ball most of the day then BAM!

Wednesday, July 24, 2013


My offspring did not get the memo that since they are exhausted they should actually be sleeping right now. Ugh on most of them getting my night owl gene!! Now they keep piling into my bed one at a time. Cute little stinkers!

This will be quick since my hubs is headed home. Sweet man spent a long day at work and is fine with me sending him to the store on his way home. Could not motivate myself to drag five kids to the store today. Thankful for him! Thankful for the cheesecake he's going to bring home too. I've been obsessing over cheesecake and looked up tons of paleo cheesecake recipes and dang it, I'm not savvy enough in the kitchen to pull off a paleo cheesecake. I've tried to be strong but certainly giving in has to be better than having obsessive thoughts about cheesecake. Hopefully it will make me sick and I'll be done with it. Maybe it won't make me sick at all and that would be even better. About to burst into a flaming volcano with these sweet warm bodies pressed up against me. How can little children so small be as hot as the surface of the sun? To end my gratitude list tonight I'm thankful for friends brave or crazy enough to feed our small army. I'll never pass up an offer for somebody to feed our clan. It's a blessing and no simple feat.

Tonight as I was driving home and rehashing my day I couldn't help but wonder once again if I was too hard on my oldest boys. Honestly I think they will survive even if my expectations of them are on the high side. I'm not fully convinced that they are but very possible. The real issue with expectations that are too high is the loss of relationship. Whether my expectations are just right or too high today was a miss at least with my oldest son. I exasperated him or rather we both exasperated each other. Need to find some empathy for that kid even if he makes bad choices.

Got to chat with my hubs last night about lots of wonderful things, my girl and her friendship issues being one of them. We both landed on the possibility of her acting out in insecurity. This morning was able to ask probing questions and insecurity was the big winner. With this certain friend she not only fears that this friend will like somebody more than her but that her other friends will like that friend better as well. I think because this certain friend is as outgoing as my girl and as popular it's caused insecurity. Was great to be able to chat with her about it and how to pray through it and remember where her true value and worth comes from. So thankful to be able to have conversations like this with her and help her learn to process her feelings and emotions. Not unlike my girl she was ready to help teach others tonight all that she learned today. Oh that sweet precious girl who is 7 going on 20. Praying Les and I will be wise enough to help our boys navigate through their issues as well. It's harder to get to heart issues with them. Takes more to recognize and draw it out if them. May we help equip them just as much as we equip our girls.


JER 15:
Crazy tired. The second half of this chapter is interesting to me. I don't fully follow it. It takes an interesting turn with a verse or two and I can't fully figure it out. Will have to read commentary to fully grasp it. This verse stood out to me tonight:

When your words came, I ate them; they were my joy and my heart's delight, for I bear your name, Lord God Almighty. (Jeremiah 15:16 NIV)

I want to dine on these words, the words inspired by God. May they become my joy and my hearts true delight. Les and I were actually talking about this last night. Sometimes I desire to sit at God's feet. I approach it with great joy and anticipation. If I'm truly honest though the majority of the time I don't look forward to this time with God. I do it because I want to truly know God and I know that this time never returns void. Every time I read there is something to pull out, something to learn, a great love to be reminded of. I wish I wasn't so fickle and I would crave to ingest things that were good for me and that truly filled me up. This time is very much like my issues with food. Oh I ate cheesecake and it was good but it didn't leave me satisfied. It will only be that much harder tomorrow to make good choices. It will have temporarily scratched an itch but it only leaves me wanting more. I now know without a doubt the good choices I should be making. Yet almost daily it's still a battle. My flesh desires to fill up on absolute complete junk. It's the same thing with my quiet time. I'd rather fill that time with me time which consists of a bunch of mindless junk. Almost daily it's a battle to choose the good I ought to do. This daily time is necessary to recharge my heart, mind and soul. I so easily forget that I can trust God, that He is good, faithful, and loves and adores me like crazy. I get tossed around by the waves if I don't anchor myself to the Rock. There's still so much junk "food" in my life that I need to continue to weed out. Yet I won't ever get there if I don't sit here everyday. Thank you friends for letting me daily fill your inboxes. Your accountability has helped keep me coming back daily. I'm just like that dog who keeps returning to their own vomit when left up to my own devices.


Tuesday, July 23, 2013


Not much to say about today. Not as grumpy but definitely had moments that we all could have done without that came from me. Leaving the pool felt like a monumental undertaking today. It's hot, I'm a pregnant beast and the cat herding got the best of me. My minions actually weren't even that bad, I was just done. I'm so weary from my own lack of patience.

Speaking of weary my girl is struggling with being possessive over a certain friend. I'm kinda at a loss since there's no one else she acts this way with. She had a friend that she would see occasionally that acted kinda like my girl acted today. This friend was very possessive, controlling and manipulative and it drove me nuts. It's crazy to me that the same girl who girls fought over to be in a group with on Sunday is the same girl who is having so much drama over a friend. I'm sure I need to go chat with her during a low tide moment and figure out what is going on. Oy! This girl business is going to keep me on my knees.

JER 15:
The thought of processing this entire chapter makes my brain want to short circuit. Just sticking with the first half today. There are some really difficult verses in this chapter. It starts off that way and remains through out.

Then the Lord said to me: "Even if Moses and Samuel were to stand before me, my heart would not go out to this people. Send them away from my presence! Let them go! And if they ask you, 'Where shall we go?' tell them, 'This is what the Lord says: " 'Those destined for death, to death; those for the sword, to the sword; those for starvation, to starvation; those for captivity, to captivity.' (Jeremiah 15:1, 2 NIV)

This is part of God's character that frankly scares the poo out of me. I'm sure that's not necessarily a bad thing either. God is God and He is a just God. To just read these verses and not take into account the fact that God repeatedly warned and beckoned His people to turn back to Him would be a huge miss. Here God seems like an overbearing tyrant. Yet the fact He even mentions Moses and Samuel brings to light that God has been so slow to anger towards His rebellious people. He has offered up plenty of opportunity for repentance. God is so full of grace and willing to extend mercy, forgiveness and love. However, He is also a God of Justice and at some point the people who have chosen to reject His offer of salvation and relationship with Christ will fully reap what they have sown.


Monday, July 22, 2013

DAY 1076: JER 14

I was a cranker puss this morning. Lack of sleep is kicking my bum. Thankful for a friend who offered to feed my Brownies lunch today as we got caught up on life in the fast lane. Proud of that girl!

Good night at Shelter. I was the ultimate slacker though and did not have my book tonight. Really would not have mattered since I completely neglected doing any homework for the week. The week got away from me and the early morning I had planned to get it done just did not happen. As usual it turned out okay anyway. Self reliance has been a huge theme for me this semester. It hit me tonight how I'm still hung up on the lie that it was my fault. Frankly it feels more powerful to think I had control over the situations I put myself in. The idea of being powerless rocks me to the core. I've accepted it with my stepdad but its a battle with the others.

If we end up moving to MS I think God is going to use this time to strip away some of that deep wired self reliance. Does not sound like fun at all but I'm willing to walk through the fire to grow closer to Christ. Self reliance in many ways has been a thorn in my side but I know on my own I can do nothing about it. I can walk in obedience and learn to be faithful but its God who has to do the actual heart surgery. So thankful God loves me enough to do the painful heart surgery. He is so very good and so incredibly faithful.

JER 14:
Judah gets its booty kicked by famine and war in this chapter. It's really sad to read. Jeremiah is heartbroken over all that he witnesses and pleads with God to not forsake them. The prophets have lied to God's people and God does not take this lightly. Read this in NIV and the Message and I really like these verses in the MSG.

But I said, "Alas, Sovereign Lord ! The prophets keep telling them, 'You will not see the sword or suffer famine. Indeed, I will give you lasting peace in this place.' " Then the Lord said to me, "The prophets are prophesying lies in my name. I have not sent them or appointed them or spoken to them. They are prophesying to you false visions, divinations, idolatries and the delusions of their own minds. (Jeremiah 14:13, 14 NIV)

Can't help but think of the false prophets of today. It's sad how watered down the bible has become and how things have been so twisted and distorted by those who claim to speak in God's name. Peace and tolerance and acceptance of sin have been turned into the golden calves of this day. This false doctrine feels good but has lead many astray. To fall prey to the delusions of ones mind sounds horrible. Oh how we can lie and deceive ourselves. Without the direction and conviction of the Holy Spirit there's no stopping the wickedness, denial and deceit my heart is capable of. So hard reading all of this in the midst of the current condition of our country. God loves us enough to discipline us even if that means a painful booty kicking.


Sunday, July 21, 2013

DAY 1075: 2 COR 3

Just ran head first into my exhaustion wall. Can't wait to close my eyes. Little Bunster has been extra pillish today. Hate the selfishness that is squeezed out of me on the days she is extra fiery. It's not even the fits that are hard to deal with its the pitch of her squeals. It feels like it rattles me brain. The intensity of Paul's cry had the same effect on me but I think Bella could even beat Paul's whining mommy kryptonite. Oy! Sweet beautiful sanctification.

My overall problem today is that I've lacked perspective because I'm exhausted. I do better when it's obvious I'm going to be exhausted. I lean in to God and surprisingly on almost sleepless nights things tend to go well the next day. It's when the nights of just not enough sleep stack up and the exhaustion slowly creeps in that I totally stink. Even in the midst of today when I knew my to do list was put first over my kids and I was frustrated at not getting to stream church and not being able to do what was on my agenda I never stopped to ask for help. This is when my self reliance kicks my tail. There's going to be days I'm a turd but I at least want to join in the fight. When I keep walking my own path and cling to self it's a bigger miss than on the days when I'm really having a hard time but at least engaged in the fight. I treated my kids like an in inconvenience today simply because I did it my own way. Hate that. Thankful for another day tomorrow to buck against my self reliance.
Had hoped to be crashed by now but belly button diggers, retreat stuff, and getting caught up with my hubs has made it another late night. Passed off retreat this year and I'll be honest struggling with not wanting to yank back the scheduling piece. I've seen the girl leading this weekend grow so much over the past several years. It's been a beautiful thing to watch. The shepherd in me and my desire to make sure these gals come back home spiritually filled is hard to let go of. Wrestling with not wanting to be controlling or make it look like what I think it should or even squash somebody else's vision verses bringing to the table how God wired me.

This actually makes me think of one of the things that could be pretty killer if MS works out. They have bible study I think Wednesday morning but its nothing like WM. instead it's a bunch of different groups that are studying and going through different things. Could get really fired up to get an opportunity to lead other women thru Shelter, the daily devotional the church goes thru or whatever. Love that it isn't so structured which allows for freedom and soul space to have a group of Timothy's with bonus childcare included. Whoop!

On another note, tonight was parental bliss as I saw my Lukeypotamus tear it up with a girl who was a total kindred spirit. He of course told us he was going to marry that girl even though he couldn't bemember her name. I'm not as fired up over the boy girl aspect as I am to see him truly connecting in friendship with another. The social realm of life can be a bit difficult for my boy. It's immaturity and some awkwardness now but fun to see that boy get a good taste of the sweetness of being pursued in friendship tonight. He glowed all evening, well at least until we got home and he grew very upset about the evil chicken I put on his plate for dinner tonight. Love that kid!

2 COR 3:
Was going to keep going in Jeremiah but just couldn't handle it tonight. There is some great stuff in this random chapter that the verse of the day came from. Oh how I love me some Paul. Not surprising considering how I'm wired.

Paul starts the chapter off talking about remembering not to commend ourselves or our ability to minister or follow the law. We shouldn't need to pimp our accomplishments or have others recognize our accomplishments either. It's through Christ that we have value and worth and thru Christ that we can be affective ministers for the cause of the gospel. Love these verses!

Such confidence we have through Christ before God. Not that we are competent in ourselves to claim anything for ourselves, but our competence comes from God. (2 Corinthians 3:4, 5 NIV)

There is such a fine line between confidence in Christ and straight up arrogance and pride. It's something I struggle with constantly. All the while trying to stay on the narrow path of confidence in Christ I often get whacked way off kilter by shame and guilt which leads to insecurity which is the evil lover of pride. Good times!

This month the elementary kids are going over Stewardship. Tonight the verses in group was the story of Jesus feeding 5,ooo with the loaves and fishes given by the little boy. I couldn't help but wonder how many miracles I have missed out on because I chose to act upon what I could see, hear, taste and feel. How has trusting in my own understanding robbed me of living out a New Testament kinda life? Better yet how has fear taken me out if the game? Great things to ponder tonight in light of Paul's boldness and reckless abandon for God. I say that I want to live life this way and I pray that one day I grow to be bold enough to actually do just that.


Saturday, July 20, 2013


Day full of sorting and swapping out girl clothes and running errands. Tired but feels good to be productive. Unfortunately trying to undergo a couple projects has left the rest of the house in chaos. Hoping to finish tonight so I can focus on subduing chaos tomorrow. Thankful for sweet friends who watched our Brownies tonight so we could continue to work.

Feeling better today. Stayed away from gluten and dairy. Have a meal plan together for the week and went to the store so should be good to go to get back on eating real food. So wanted to eat cheesecake today though. Funny how every pregnancy has its own bag of tricks. I could eat eggplant, Chipotle and cheesecake the next five weeks and be happy as a clam.

JER 13:
The amount of warning of the impending doom that was to occur to Israel and Judah is pretty astounding. The Lord warned His people over and over what was going to happen if they continued to walk in their own ways and turn their backs to God. Yet they did not listen to God's repeated warnings. They thought they were covered because of their religiosity but their hearts could not have been further from The Lord.

I so want to point my finger at the Israelites and wonder how they could be so foolish. How often does God try to speak to me and get my attention yet His words fall on deaf prideful ears? What areas of my life have I kept as off limits to God because of my pride, self reliance and stubbornness?

At the beginning of this chapter God asks Jeremiah to get a belt and wear it. He then tells him to go hide the belt in some rocks. Five days later God tells him to get the belt but by then its ruined. The Lord used it as an illustration of how Israel and Judah had been bound around God but now He was willing to let them be destroyed in order to crush their pride.

"This is what the Lord says: 'In the same way I will ruin the pride of Judah and the great pride of Jerusalem. These wicked people, who refuse to listen to my words, who follow the stubbornness of their hearts and go after other gods to serve and worship them, will be like this belt—completely useless! (Jeremiah 13:9, 10 NIV)

May my pride not deafen my ears. May God show me what it means to truly be humble and continue to do the heart surgery necessary to remove my pride.


Friday, July 19, 2013


Can't believe how fast it took to feel so awful. Feel like a dog who keeps returning to its own vomit. Got my plan to go back to clean eating tomorrow. Hopefully it won't take two weeks to undo what I've done. So sad to see just how much food has been an idol. I have felt so gross and exhausted and allergy ridden yet I still ate deep fried gluten bombs this morning. Easily could have passed but chose to take the insane path instead. So sick! Praying God truly changes my views on food and I learn to eat to live rather than living to eat.

JER 12:
I can't make my grumpy hormonal brain process this. Really instead of wanting to pull something out of this chapter I want to complain about everything under the sun. Feeling angry tonight and for no particular reason and at nobody in particular. Maybe I'll bust out some Voskamp tonight and get some perspective. I'm sure feeling like head is going to explode and that I could burst into a flaming fireball at any moment is not helping. Goooo pregnancy hormones!!!!

I need to find some commentary on this chapter so I can really drink deep. Tomorrow. Even in the midst of talks of destruction in this chapter there's still so much evidence of God's love not only for His chosen people but for all nations.

Love how God calls His people His inheritance:

"I will forsake my house, abandon my inheritance; I will give the one I love into the hands of her enemies. (Jeremiah 12:7 NIV)

I should probably count but God describes His people as His inheritance repeatedly in this chapter. Crazy that The Lord would esteem us in such a way. Mind blowing to me.


Thursday, July 18, 2013


Reunited and it feels so good. So good to see Brownies! Some fall out today especially from the only one who missed us :). My kids had a blast and the majority wanted our trip to last longer. So thankful for great friends and that my kiddos had such a fantastic time.

So sad to not have given my kiddos my best today. I'm so tired, pregnancy is kicking my bum and I feel awful from all the junk that's been fueling my body. I don't ever want to eat again, I hate food! Contractions and back pain has whooped me today. Sweet ones crawling all over me have not help. I just want to snuggle with them but its painful to snuggle with huge flopping trout right. Hoping tomorrow I'll feel better and get to tear it up with them. Need to push fluids like crazy tonight.

Feel like I can't even go down the MS road right now. For now going to pretend its a crazy pregnancy dream and focus on the reality that this baby will be here in 3-6 weeks. Goodness! That's as good as tomorrow!

JER 11:
Need to sort out these chapters a bit more in my head. The theme of the Israelites actively continuing to offer sacrifices to The Lord while still bowing down to other gods with hearts hard as stone is in some ways baffling. I'm guilty of having a hard heart and stiff neck. I'm guilty of idolatry. I think maybe I'm baffled by empty religion. I just don't get it. Why would anybody want to claim something that has absolutely no effect on their lives? Why not just live it up like a pagan? Maybe the question I need to be asking myself is why do I do the things I do? What's the point or the motivation? For me, if it doesn't somehow point back to Jesus in a genuine way then it needs to be discarded like the trash that it is. Even the things I think are motivated out of Jesus need to be honestly thought through. I've done so many things "for Jesus" that ended up being so much more about me.

This verse stood out to me as well as the many others in this chapter that addressed obedience. Feel like I'm in a season of learning more what it means to walk in obedience, submission and trust. Unfortunately, Judah and Israel continually chose to cling to religiosity rather than obedience.

From the time I brought your ancestors up from Egypt until today, I warned them again and again, saying, "Obey me." (Jeremiah 11:7 NIV)


Wednesday, July 17, 2013


Not sure how to even start tonight. Tired and somewhat drained from all of this Miss-a-fricken-sippi stuff. Throw in the fact that I feel like total c-rap from all the eating out. Have not been making wise food choices and I can't wait to get home and jump back on the Whole 30. Felt so much better eating that way!!!

First off so thankful for the amazing friends watching our kiddos. My youngest boy is running a fever and could not be more thankful for the great hands that he's in. Crazy blessed by amazing friendships. It's the blessing of such amazing people in my life that has made this whole MS thing so incredibly difficult. I don't want the blessing of such great relationships be the thing that keeps me from desiring to go where God tells me to go but I am also very much aware at the rare gem and blessing we've been blessed with. So many reasons to be thankful tonight. Thankful for all the texts and emails reminding me that so many people are praying for us right now. Feel crazy loved.

Today went well. More great conversations with staff people here and with Les. No big neon signs or lightening bolts with rainbows across the sky but at every turn nothing but evidence that Pinelake is a solid church committed to following scripture and calling its people to a devoted life with Christ. Les and I have talked about some reasons why the big ah hah moment could possibly be missing. We are definitely go by your gut folks but since coming to WM we've also learned that you can't always trust your feelings. We've both really tried to stay neutral emotionally and in a way play detective. Another thing that I think is not helping is that moving here while a change isn't the next huge stretch or grand adventure. It would not be easy to move and there definitely would be cultural adjustments that would need to be made but its not like we're being called to a particularly challenging area or someplace like Africa. There are things here that would take getting used to. It's country and a bit Pollyanna. The place not the church itself has lots of religiosity and the cornball stuff that makes Christianity seem out of touch. Saw a billboard tonight with Jesus on a crucifix with all you need is Jesus. Yes that is so true but a big bloody Jesus on a cross to somebody truly unchurched means nothing. The challenge here would be to push through the religious and truly help shine light on what it means to walk with Christ. Overall very encouraged about the church and it was really awesome to hear some people really have high value on the way Les is gifted. Lots to process with community in the next couple weeks. For me I keep being impressed upon to not get my undies in a wad or ahead of myself but rather breath in and breath out and trust God. Instead of beating a dead horse going over why choosing church A is the right or wrong voice or church B I'm choosing to not spiral into indecision mode and just remain. In obedience I'm going to remain in Christ let go of the reigns and submit to whatever the final decision is. It feels like the world would crumble if the "wrong" choice was made but that's not truth. Fixing my eyes on Jesus and just keep one foot in front of the other moving in His direction.

JER 10:

Lord, I know that people's lives are not their own; it is not for them to direct their steps. (Jeremiah 10:23 NIV)



Tuesday, July 16, 2013


Insanely exhausted. Less than four hours of sleep and just now checked into our hotel. I feel like its been a good day of really investigating Pinelake. People have been pretty candid about the church and its strengths and weaknesses as well as the guy that would be my hubsters boss. No red flags anywhere. It's really pretty here and reminds me of someplace we would go to on vacation to get out of Dallas. The gas station right by the church had a sign for live bait. I did feel like hyperventilating when we first got here when I realized how small Jackson really is. Richardson is larger than Jackson itself. Lots of pluses about lifestyle and pace of life. They are serious about staff going home at 5pm and family is HIGHLY valued here. All great things but no ah hah moment. I so wanted that ah hah moment, or a lightening bolt with a huge yes or no written in it. I think the only ah hah I've had is that I don't think that there will be one. We'll be left with a list of pros and cons for each church. This is so not my style and not how I personally ever want to make decisions.

I really feel God moving me to act in complete submission in this decision. In my flesh I want to go through the thousand different scenarios and split hairs over every last detail and then make a decision and then change my mind at least three times after repeating the process. Instead I just really feel like I need to process the experience while we're hear and then leave it in my husbands hands and pray. Still hoping for that lightening bolt but not expecting it. Thankful tonight for friends willing to take on our crew so that Les and I have time and space to process everything.

I do have a condition for moving to MS, it must come with a plane ticket to visit Dallas in May to get my emotional friend tank filled.

JER 10 vs 1-16:
Just read the first half of this chapter because I'm exhausted. It's what I needed to read tonight though.

No one is like you, Lord; you are great, and your name is mighty in power. Who should not fear you, King of the nations? This is your due. Among all the wise leaders of the nations and in all their kingdoms, there is no one like you. (Jeremiah 10:6, 7 NIV)

God will continue to be God in Texas or in Mississippi. This decision feels like the weight of the world but in the grand scheme of things it's not. God is faithful and no matter where we are He will continue to write His story of glory and redemption in our lives.

But God made the earth by his power; he founded the world by his wisdom and stretched out the heavens by his understanding. When he thunders, the waters in the heavens roar; he makes clouds rise from the ends of the earth. He sends lightning with the rain and brings out the wind from his storehouses. (Jeremiah 10:12, 13 NIV)

Again God is God. This is what is truly important. I trust that where ever we are or whatever we do He's got us in His hands. This decision in light of eternity truly is nothing but a vapor. May I not get tossed in the wind blown this way and that way and focus on what is truly important and that's walking WITH God. If a season of some loneliness will draw me closer towards Him then I'm ready to dive in.



Should have done this first thing today. Maybe I would have had my priorities right instead of being such a jack hole today. I tried to sit and snuggle with babies today but the reality of a list that must get done and my hearts desire to just enjoy my babies today was at constant war today. Getting a family of 7 ready to do anything is a stressful ordeal. Wish it wasn't but since I'm so scattered and my brain doesn't fire the way I'd like it to its hard.

Want to write about Shelter and forgiveness and lots of other things under the sun but 5am will come brutally early and I'm already exhausted and know I'll be dragging booty this entire trip to MS. I was asked tonight how I felt about the trip to Miss-africkin-sippi. I'm not sure. In many ways it feels surreal. It's mind boggling to be even entertaining a move to MS of all places. We shall see.

JER 10:
Great chapter. Great stuff about idolatry. I really need to sit and ponder the things that I've truly turned into idols in my life. Food is definitely one of them. Just like I knew without any guidelines I'm slowly but surely going back to my old habits. Did fine at breakfast and passed on the pasta for dinner tonight and stuck with salad but had ice cream and hot dogs for lunch. Both were utterly fantastic! I need to reframe completely how I view food and eat to live rather than live to eat. On the Whole 30 there's a whole lot more eating to live. Must close my eyes.


Sunday, July 14, 2013


So my romp last night at Joe T's was not worth it. Paying an awful price today. I don't think its a coincidence that my sinuses are worse and I'm itching like crazy. My wanna be hives are back too. Can't deny the fact that eating clean although more difficult and not as fun makes me feel so much better. Its no longer a hypothetical but rather proven for me. Now I can choose wisdom or eat like a fool and pay the awful consequences. Really hurting today.

All but one Brownie is still crashed out and it's almost 10. They are so exhausted and its been evident the last two nights as they have tossed and turned and moaned all night long in their sleep. Need to get these sweet ones caught up on sleep.

Super convicted by what a friend was told yesterday by her grocery store checker.

"God does not make a bad's how we respond to our circumstances that makes us think it's bad...there are always many people who would gladly take your day over the one they are experiencing."

Talk about learning to rejoice in The Lord always. I really think living a privileged life in the US has really tainted my views of what struggle is. Not everything has been a giant cake walk but often I do expect things to go smoothly and I don't like to be put out or for things to be difficult. I feel entitled to days of comfort and ease filled with my own agenda. If my day doesn't shape up to be that way then its a bad day or a rough day. Can't help but think about so many people around the world who expect things to be rough and difficult and filled with hardship. Any ease or comfort they experience is a rare gem to be marveled at. Yet so many of these people who know Jesus are filled with joy beyond understanding. Oh that my heart would change to embrace each and every situation with joy and thanksgiving.

I read this morning. Was going to jump into Jeremiah but the verse of the day caught my eye and I decided to camp there and be inspired by Paul and take a break from the destruction and chaos of Jeremiah.

This was the verse that drew me into Philippians today:

I want to know Christ—yes, to know the power of his resurrection and participation in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, (Philippians 3:10 NIV)

Truly knowing Christ and sharing in the power of His resurrection is inspiring and is something I can get fired up about. The sharing in his suffering and death not so much but if I've learned anything death is necessary to become more like Him and its in suffering that I get to know this Christ more and tap into the power of His resurrection. There is much beauty in suffering. Only Jesus could make such a thing be so. Oh how powerful our God is that even suffering can be made beautiful.

Further, my brothers and sisters, rejoice in the Lord! It is no trouble for me to write the same things to you again, and it is a safeguard for you. (Philippians 3:1 NIV)

Rejoice in The Lord! Goes back to not letting situations dictate the contentment of my heart but rather approaching every situation with much gratitude knowing that God can and will use everything according to His will and purpose for my life.

For it is we who are the circumcision, we who serve God by his Spirit, who boast in Christ Jesus, and who put no confidence in the flesh— (Philippians 3:3 NIV)

Love how Paul reminds us to boast in nothing other than Christ alone. Then gives an example of his own life. In the flesh homeboy had lots he could have boasted about. He was the golden boy and had such a career of prestige in front of him. He was born with the golden spoon in his mouth. Yet God plucked him out of his situation and Paul had to give up everything for the sake of Christ. When he looks back on the sacrifice he made he gladly accepts that all the honor and prestige and man made righteousness was all a bunch of dog poop compared to his new life in Christ. The riches and treasure of knowing Jesus simply surpassed all the gain he could have received on this side of heaven.

But whatever were gains to me I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. What is more, I consider everything a loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them garbage, that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ—the righteousness that comes from God on the basis of faith. (Philippians 3:7-9 NIV)

Paul's zeal and passion for Jesus is so inspiring. He found the treasure in the field and he is selling it all to obtain it. To have this clear focus and yearn and thirst for Jesus is what I want. Yet I don't fully believe everything else is rubbish compared to Christ. If I did I wouldn't trade in cheap imitations for the real deal. God ignite a passion like this in me. May I desire you more than anything else!


Saturday, July 13, 2013


Another fun yet busy day so going to try to start my day off with this first thing. I have two precious boys that are up so we'll see how well that goes.

Went to bed insanely late and slept horribly. Today will be interesting but still feel like I'm amped up from last night. Really should take up running again once this sweet baby girl gets here. Bella would have never allowed it but maybe Sundae will be more laid back.

Listened to a Bill Hybels sermon last night that should have had more of my attention. It was about keeping your cup full and you being the one who is responsible for making sure it stays full. His homework was to identify where you are on a spectrum from your cup being full to it being empty and to pray and think through the things that fill up your cup. Will be doing that over the next several days. I think a lot of the same things that fill his cup fill mine as well.
Insanely tired. Sweet wedding tonight of a couple we had the joy of leading in Merge and doing premarital counseling with. Feels weird to have done premarital counseling since I feel like we need to be wiser and more mature to do so. We will have been married 10 years next year! Crazy how fast the time goes. Feels like forever and yet not sure how its possibly been that long already. Reception was at Joe T's and it was fabulous. Stomach hurting and I still feel like I'm going to burst into a fireball but worth it!

JER 9:
This verse is chilling to me.

Death has climbed in through our windows and has entered our fortresses; it has removed the children from the streets and the young men from the public squares. (Jeremiah 9:21 NIV)

I know this verse stands for when Israel was literally invaded and children, women and people of all ages were killed. However, I can see this applying to America today. Abortion and the breakdown of family is climbing through the windows of many families in America. The toll it's taken on our youth is heartbreaking. They are sacrificed to careers, divorce and to whatever sees fit at the moment. The youth of today is being ravaged by all these issues and its heartbreaking.

Love these verses:
This is what the Lord says: "Let not the wise boast of their wisdom or the strong boast of their strength or the rich boast of their riches, but let the one who boasts boast about this: that they have the understanding to know me, that I am the Lord, who exercises kindness, justice and righteousness on earth, for in these I delight," declares the Lord. (Jeremiah 9:23, 24 NIV)

May I grow more and more in humility so that I may boast in Christ alone!!!!



So I have taken a swan dive back into the world of gluten. Thank you Whataburger and get free Chickfila for dressing like a cow day. Guts aren't coming unglued like they did on rice but feel kinda gross and definitely bloated. Ordered lemonade and it was a big mistake. Way too sweet and I never say that!! Tried a bite my kids ice cream and I could test the yuck in it. I will say my burger last night and my two chicken sandwiches rocked my world but don't think it's worth it. Once we get back from MS we have a plan we are going to work. I need a plan or else I'll free fall back into the land of horrible food. Not much natural self discipline for this cat.

Going to try to focus but I'm glued to all that is going down in Austin tonight. My heart breaks at the desperation of the proabort side. If legislation passes that limits abortion it's as if the facade of denial they have embraced to mask their pain will be smashed to bits. I grieve for them. At this point it's too ridiculous to even be mad.

JER 9:
Rejoicing over the fact that SB2 passed the senate tonight!!!!!!!!! Don't know if I've ever been more proud to be a Texan!!!

Okay note to self do not engage in arguments over twitter. I know this but my scrappy SA side still wants to rumble sometime! Fired up!!!! Speaking of fired up I want to know where the Apple Pie Lara Bar has been all my life. Phenomenal!!

Okay went to read Jer 9 but not sure I can focus due to too much iced tea today plus everything else tonight. This verse of the day was perfect though and so very convicting.

In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven. (Matthew 5:16 NIV)

BAM! Conviction. I shouldn't expect people who do not know Jesus to be anything but pro-choice. So the person I got into a twitter war with is a high school kid. Yep I'm so awesome! #Embarassed Hoping this means I've learned my lesson. Oh how I hate that students even have to deal with stuff like this. I hurt for this upcoming group of kids ravaged by divorce, fed lies about sex, abused, abandoned, ignored, ect. Oh how I miss working with students. Wouldn't trade it for my current job. I know when the time comes around again to love on students my teens included it will be all the more sweeter.

God help me not get wrapped up in zeal or passion and forget who and what my heart desires to stand for. Instead help me to be humble, loving, compassionate and full of grace and mercy. May others truly see you instead of scrappy, prideful, need to be right me. You have done a mighty work but I know there is so much more that needs to be done. Help me to love like you do!

Rereading Matt 5:13-16 is interesting. Love how God's word is active and living. I've read these verses so often that I think I've always just took it as don't be ashamed of Christ be willing to let everybody know that you are a Christian. Don't be lukewarm, let God permeate through every single aspect of your life. Tonight I read it differently. There's no light in me apart from Christ. Any light that shines is due to the dying that has occurred in me which allows more of Christ to be visible. Im the bowl that covers up the light of Christ that lives in me. When I'm abiding and walking towards Him that light shines brighter and brighter. However, when I choose to be self reliant, walk in my own ways or become more concerned about the mission of Christ rather than Christ himself I snuff out that light more and more. My flesh dims and covers up the light. In my zeal and my passion for life or whatever may I not forget the that God has breathed life into every single one of us.


Thursday, July 11, 2013


Ate rice again today because I'm completely dumbfounded that it could cause any issues. Come on its just rice after all! My guts hurt. It's not horrible but crampy, guts burning and feel bloated. It's not worth it unless its chocolate rice of course. Still haven't added anything else because I truly want to see what my body can and can't handle. I couldn't hack the no corn rule during the Whole 30 and it didn't seem to bother me. A bit scared about trying gluten and dairy for that matter. In the long run it wouldn't be horrible if i couldn't handle it but I do love some pizza and a cheeseburger. I guess my rice issues explain why my guts were in so much turmoil during our rice and beans fast leading up to Thanksgiving. I'd suck up the gut ache to still keep that a tradition. So good for my heart and gratitude for all that we have been blessed with. Wish I could be thankful to find out which foods really fuel my body and which ones tear it down. Instead I'm grumpy that I can't bow down to my food idol and eat whatever I want with no consequences. May this be used to bring God glory and continue to expose the idols I worship.

JER 9:
It's hard to sit in these verses right now. Honestly it wouldn't be as difficult if things weren't like they are currently in America. It is disheartening to see so much blindness and deafness. You see people's hearts aching and bleeding and I know Jesus is out beckoning all who are weary and heavy laden and yet they refuse to see and refuse to hear. The pied piper is playing and everyone is blindly marching to their own destruction. It grieves my heart. Today it's such a hard pill to swallow. I battled so much anger yesterday over the abortion debate. I read blogs and comments and I'm so disheartened by the lack of love and the depravity of the humanistic view that so many hold on to these days. These are the verses that stood out most today.

Who is wise enough to understand this? Who has been instructed by the Lord and can explain it? Why has the land been ruined and laid waste like a desert that no one can cross? The Lord said, "It is because they have forsaken my law, which I set before them; they have not obeyed me or followed my law. Instead, they have followed the stubbornness of their hearts; they have followed the Baals, as their ancestors taught them." Therefore this is what the Lord Almighty, the God of Israel, says: "See, I will make this people eat bitter food and drink poisoned water. (Jeremiah 9:12-15 NIV)

Thankful that even in these times that seem so bleak I don't fear the future or the future for my children. My hope does not lie in the future of America but rather my eternity spent with Christ. For that I am so very thankful.


Wednesday, July 10, 2013


So post whole 30 day 1 is showing a possible issue with rice? I tried to start with the most innocuous thing on the list of evil things and rice makes my guts hurt? Feeling itchy now too. Surely this is psychosomatic or a coincidence. I have been nervous about going back to the land of the normal. I've never felt this good third trimester and if its due to an obnoxious modified diet so be it darn it! I'm really going to be sad if dairy and gluten make me feel yuck. Think ice cream would be worth some gut trauma.

Today was the morning of busted errands. Drove around for nothing but ended up at a play land with my small frys and it was pretty sweet times. Love how those two love each other and fun to gather them in my lap and snuggle and feel like a rockstar parent even if just for a moment. These sweet ones sure do grow up fast.

JER 9:
This book is so crazy heavy. God is so consistent at warning and trying to get the attention of His people. Their lack of response is so sad and disheartening.

Oh, that my head were a spring of water and my eyes a fountain of tears! I would weep day and night for the slain of my people. Oh, that I had in the desert a lodging place for travelers, so that I might leave my people and go away from them; for they are all adulterers, a crowd of unfaithful people. (Jeremiah 9:1, 2 NIV)

What conflicting emotions for Jeremiah in these two verses. He's heartbroken by the devastation and pain that has come upon his people. Yet he is completely repulsed by their rampant sin. I feel like this is exactly how God feels about our sin. He hates the chaos and pain that it caused us. It grieves His heart to watch His children choose to walk in folly instead of His ways. Yet at the same time He is a holy God, a just God, and a righteous God and He can not be in the presence of sin. There's grief and compassion yet repulsion over the sinful acts. May I do better at having compassion and empathy for my children and for others as they choose to walk in folly.


Tuesday, July 09, 2013


Heard some kick in the pants news today and I'm really trying hard to not revel in my flesh or be ruled by my emotions. I want to cling to the truth that I know but it's so hard to silence the desires of my flesh. I wish crap like this didn't matter but it does and frankly its hurtful. I know we are all sinners in desperate need of God's grace as well. I can't even with confidence say this situation is sinful but I do know how I handle my response will determine whether or not I am. Needless to say I am sad and disappointed and unfortunately this only seems to make things clearer. I hate to be vague but not my story to tell, at least not for now.

All of my kids are taking naps. I should as well since Baby Sundae woke me up before 5am. Woke up to discomfort and low and behold that discomfort was actually contractions. Chugged two bottles of water and they finally slowed down. They were not active or rather full blown contractions so no need to worry. Yesterday I did not do a good job at self care and did not drink nearly enough. Trying to make up for it today, kinda. Will grab some coconut water tonight at the store which is a huge help. Is kinda crazy to think that this kiddo will be here in 4 to 7 weeks. Probably better get cracking on a name. Eh. If all else fails we can call her Seis. I can't get their names right half the time anyway.

JER 8:
This is not Jeremiah but the verse of the day and I really like it.

Fear of man will prove to be a snare, but whoever trusts in the Lord is kept safe. (Proverbs 29:25 NIV)

That theme of trust keeps coming up. I'd like to think I could give a rip about man but I know that's only a facade to protect myself. I'm not a crazy people pleaser but to say I'm not at all would be silly. Just today I was embarrassed by the condition of my van. There's more McD's wrappers than I'd like and trash overfloweth. In the grand scheme of things that makes me more messy than less valuable of a person. The truth is I can be a slob. With five kids and TV a treat I don't see that changing anytime soon. I think the bigger issue though is whether or not I'll be willing to stand for Christ and truth regardless of the cost. I like to think that I would but I know that I'm prideful and that my heart can be deceitful. All I can pray is that more and more I'd put less in the bank in regards to people and grow to sell it all for the sake of Christ.

Hit my wall right before my hubs came home. Poor guy. He's now out with some of the most wonderful albeit incredibly loud children so I can get a small break. Thankful for a man whose not afraid to take four children and a cute screeching toddler to get ice cream. Thankful for that man! Oh how I want to dive into my box of books but I'm so insanely exhausted. Hoping to keep my eyes open so I can at least kiss my sweet ones goodnight.

Going to read Jer 8 but mailing it in.



Monday, July 08, 2013


Tonight I'm thankful for a wonderful husband who puts wild children to bed after a long day of cleaning out a garage and yard work.

My allergies are kicking my bum today. Can't breath and sinuses now on crack. All I can figure is grass pollen and lack of enough drugs. Boo! If allergies is my health cross to bear I'll take it!

This unit of Shelter was on Trust and Control. Fun to see how far I've grown in trusting God and others over the years. Thinking I probably have more control issues than I think. I know as a parent it's at times a struggle to not control but rather to train. I know there's probably other things lurking that I'll be praying God reveals.
Still kind of in awe over this group. The way they love on each other is crazy!
Been keeping myself out of the new school books till I had time to sit down and do my shelter homework so now super excited to crack open that box sometime in the next day or so.

JER 8:
Think I might burst into a fireball but Bunny is on the verge of sleep and I dare not move to lower the ac. Such a spoiled brat!

I need to dive into this chapter again tomorrow and read commentary. Unfortunately my go to commentary right now does not have the book of Jeremiah. Weird.

For tonight this chapter will be it.

Are they ashamed of their detestable conduct? No, they have no shame at all; they do not even know how to blush. So they will fall among the fallen; they will be brought down when they are punished, says the Lord. (Jeremiah 8:12 NIV)

Been thinking about everything going on in Austin today especially as today and tomorrow are pretty big days. Need to find time to call some legislatures tomorrow. It's the last thing I want to do but it's an easy way to show my support for life. Anyway, after the last few crazy weeks of heading about the battle going on this verse totally seems to fit. The mayhem that the pro-abort side has been exhibiting has been pretty crazy. It's obvious there's a real battle being waged. Praying those in the orange shirts do not remain blind to their rebellion and sin but rather would each have a Damascus moment as be given eyes that see.


Sunday, July 07, 2013


Only two more days of the Whole no fun 30. Honestly it's not just horrible and I think it would be easier to do in the winter or fall when eating vast amounts of protein isn't as hard. Excited to roll off but also a bit nervous about it. Not looking forward to the possible gut ache that lies waiting for me. Wanting to roll back onto normal food again slowly but know I'm not the best at being disciplined with food. I kinda do need to be an all or nothing kind of girl in that regard. Sad but true.

Watched Pinelake's service this morning and darn it if they said everything I needed to hear. They even used the cruise ship / battleship metaphor. I just started crying. Not an ugly cry but a DANG IT cry. I think part of me has been hoping to gather up just the right questions to poke holes in this whole MS thing. If we are leaving which DANG IT it almost feels like gravity is forcing us there, I know that God can and will provide every step of the way. It still doesn't take the ache away from a great loss that would happen here. I don't want blessing to be the thing that keeps me from obedience or willingness to get out of my comfort zone. Frankly it would be much easier in some ways to just be called to Africa or maybe Hawaii.

JER 7:
These verses have been intriguing to me over the past couple days.

This is what the Lord Almighty, the God of Israel, says: Reform your ways and your actions, and I will let you live in this place. Do not trust in deceptive words and say, "This is the temple of the Lord, the temple of the Lord, the temple of the Lord !" (Jeremiah 7:3, 4 NIV)

This is a picture of how dead the worship of the Israelites had become. There were three times a year they were to visit the temple. I imagine their dedication to The Lord is similar to those who attend church nowadays on Christmas and Easter. The box is checked as Christian but hearts could not be further away.

This verse stinks to me.

But look, you are trusting in deceptive words that are worthless. (Jeremiah 7:8 NIV)

I feel like amongst the church it's hard to decipher out what is true unless you are completely grounded in the Word. The liberal Christian doctrine is sweeping like wildfire across this country. The false gospel of tolerance is clung to and many people have twisted words and proof texted in such a way that only includes how they feel about a particular subject. I think sometimes our pastor can be like a bull in a china shop but overall I have loved the way he leads with strength and unyielding conviction to the truth. He doesn't sidestep truth in fear somebody might get hurt rather he clings to truth knowing that God's grace can overcome any kind of sin.

" 'Will you steal and murder, commit adultery and perjury, burn incense to Baal and follow other gods you have not known, and then come and stand before me in this house, which bears my Name, and say, "We are safe"—safe to do all these detestable things? (Jeremiah 7:9, 10 NIV)

I often think about the difference between grace abuse and legalism. Any rule or standard I choose to set as more holy is legalism yet I think a lot of us cling to the gray areas and "personal freedom" as well to do whatever the heck we want. I can get so tripped up on this and really when it all comes down to all of this is the condition of our hearts. I do think things are often a lot less gray than we think when we really stop to examine our hearts.

One of the things in MS that's been kind if a turn off is their no drinking policy. I think it's ridiculous to have a policy like that for many reasons mainly because you know people are going to break it. It's a form of legalism and I hate rules set for appearance sake. I'm sure that's not the heart and frankly I can see the damage of seeing a pastor out drinking at a restaurant if alcohol is a big hang up. Les and I have had to wrestle over this a bit. I do love a good glass of wine, a dark beer and a killer margarita. One of my favorite things is kicking back on an in home date night and eating Chiloso and drinking a Black Butte Porter. I like having the freedom to do that. But I know alcohol trips people up. I see it often amongst Christian friends and I myself am included in this. I remember Todd telling a story about a party and as people began to leave wine was cracked open. The air of the party turned into now we can really have fun. What does it say about the condition of our hearts if when alcohol is thrown into the mix things are perceived as more fun and enjoyable. What does this communicate to weaker believers, to non believers and to our children. Is the line we should be avoiding drunkenness or is there a bigger picture that God wants us to consider by examining our hearts. I tend to think in lots of things it's the bigger picture. I don't have to have an eating disorder to make food an idol. I love the struggle in wrestling with this stuff as its not easy and its not necessarily black and white but what if its more black and white than we give it credit for.

These verses are really good.

The children gather wood, the fathers light the fire, and the women knead the dough and make cakes to offer to the Queen of Heaven. They pour out drink offerings to other gods to arouse my anger. But am I the one they are provoking? declares the Lord. Are they not rather harming themselves, to their own shame? (Jeremiah 7:18, 19 NIV)

I feel like again God is coming back to if you obey me it will go well with you. It's not about receiving insane punishment for disobeying God it's about trusting that He loves us and He has given us rules to follow to keep us from harming ourselves. A lot of the affliction I encounter now and especially in my pagan hay days was more often than not caused by me rather than sin committed towards me. I need to follow Jesus frankly to be saved from myself.

I'll end on this awful verse in light of the battle over life going on in the Texas legislature tomorrow.

They have built the high places of Topheth in the Valley of Ben Hinnom to burn their sons and daughters in the fire—something I did not command, nor did it enter my mind. (Jeremiah 7:31 NIV)

Oh how far did Israel fall that they were willing to sacrifice their own sons and daughters to idols. How far have we fallen that we rip babies from the wombs of their mothers before they are born to sacrifice to idols we have created in our lives.



Feeling really run down today and my sinuses feel like they are infected. I should put my big girl panties on and try a Neti pot but I'm scared. Regardless of feeling kinda puny so thankful for this day and another day with my hubs home. Thankful for friendships God has placed in my life and the ever sweet reminder of God's faithfulness. He has been so good to me all the time.

Had hoped to finish this in the morning but didn't happen. Full day filled with every emotion under the sun.

Sat with my boy today trying to help him clean his room. I wondered if he was capable of completing the tasks I've set before him. Hard to know. The boy loves to skate and openly admits that he doesn't like to work. Oh but when he's made to finish a task he beams at his accomplishment. Going to try a new jurisdiction for the kiddo and see if that helps. Praying for wisdom on chores and frankly everything parenting. It's no easy task being a parent of 1 or 20 kids.

Sweet memorial service today for a neighbor. Great seeing pictures of his life and hearing about his passion for people to know Jesus. His smile will be forever etched in my mind. Great to see a broader picture of legacy and see such hope and celebration even in the midst of great loss. Had the glimpse of how truly quick this life is. We are but a mere vapor. How we choose to use our short time here on earth is important. Lord let me not waste the days on foolish things.

Good evening with great women tonight. It was a heavy night. Every woman around the table has experience heartache and pain. Yet God's faithfulness apparent in every story. On the way home a song about rising up from the ashes was on. Oh how God is so wonderful to exchange beauty for our heaps of ashes. He is ever faithful.

JER 7:
Crazy late and tired. So much in this chapter. These verses stood out tonight.

For when I brought your ancestors out of Egypt and spoke to them, I did not just give them commands about burnt offerings and sacrifices, but I gave them this command: Obey me, and I will be your God and you will be my people. Walk in obedience to all I command you, that it may go well with you. (Jeremiah 7:22, 23 NIV)

God doesn't want to be a cosmic killjoy. Yes at one point in my life I truly did believe this. God just wants to protect us from ourselves. When we trust that He truly loves us and are obedient it does go well with us. Oh how he loves us!


Friday, July 05, 2013


Kinda blown away by the heaviness of this chapter. Whew!

Not the fun day of family fun that I had anticipated today but a good day none the less. The house is as clean as it typically gets on a good day and mount clean laundry is much smaller and more manageable. One day it will be completely demolished and I'll do backflips of rejoicing. A couple junk piles cleared which feels good. We have lots more to tackle to get rid of our crazy clutter but even making a tiny dent feels better than nothing.

Got all our books for school next year and I'm excited about planning for next year. Weird to write the words excited and planning in the same sentence. Think this is going to be a great year! Looking forward to diving into the lives of missionaries and the lives of people outside of our country. My kids already have a heart for Africa, Ethiopia in particular, and look forward to expanding their passion for others around the world. Heck it's always fun to get a box of books. Love books!

Date night with my hubs. Not spend on alone time but it was well spent. Went to dinner with a Merge couple now newlyweds. They had some bumps along the way but crazy encouraged at how they have handled them. Thankful for the couples who have gone through Merge and are given a beautiful tool box to help equip them. I really think this couple would be struggling like mad if they hasn't been given such a fantastic leg up. I am a believer! Mississippi bound our not will definitely keep this curriculum in our back pockets as we get the opportunity to counsel other couples. Love how God uses His body to equip His flock. Thankful to get to be apart of this crazy amazing church. Today MS doesn't seem like a done deal yet. I'm open and willing to go where ever and if that's MS then I'm all on board but we shall see. Next couple weeks will be interesting to say the least.

JER 7:
Going to mail it in a bit tonight. Sinuses hurt and I know my allergy cocktail will be kicking in soon. I'm so sad over these last several chapters. My heart aches. It aches for Israel and it aches for America. The climate in our country right now is so very crazy. I literally can't read these chapters with out our country in mind. We once were a country who followed God and we have been immensely blessed. Yet now we have forsaken the very foundations which our country was built upon. We've turned our backs on God and have made idols out if just about everything. Truth is relative and every man does as he sees fit. People walk in wickedness and scoff at truth.

This is a verse that stood out to me tonight. Another one screamed at me yet I just can't make my heart go there right now.

Therefore say to them, 'This is the nation that has not obeyed the Lord its God or responded to correction. Truth has perished; it has vanished from their lips. (Jeremiah 7:28 NIV)

Heartache upon heartache. God help us.


Thursday, July 04, 2013


Going to try to take advantage of a house full of sleeping people. Operation rest before fireworks tonight has been a smashing success. Got up to go to the local 4 th parade which was mostly over by the time we arrived but enjoyed the small town feel of a cover band, bounce houses and free melted Popsicles and flags. Kinda cheesy but dang it I loved it! Thankful to be an American and to get at least a tiny taste every now and again of a simpler small town life. There's so much appeal to me in small town living and I'm not talking small town Richardson. I'm talking truly a slower pace, not running from this thing to that. Out front weekend after weekend with neighbors. In the same breathe it feels very suffocating as well since big city is all I truly know.

Child crying. Suspect ear infection. Good thing she's already on antibiotics.

Fun times tonight watching fireworks. The weather was perfect and the spot was killer! This might have been the best BrownTown fourth yet! So thankful for the incredible weather and great fireworks without crazy smothering crowds. Watching fireworks tonight though I thought about a time when my heart did swell being an American. Still very thankful to be an American but heavy hearted about the kind of nation we are becoming.

JER 6:
These verses stood out to me tonight.

This is what the Lord says: "Stand at the crossroads and look; ask for the ancient paths, ask where the good way is, and walk in it, and you will find rest for your souls. But you said, 'We will not walk in it.' I appointed watchmen over you and said, 'Listen to the sound of the trumpet!' But you said, 'We will not listen.' Hear, you earth: I am bringing disaster on this people, the fruit of their schemes, because they have not listened to my words and have rejected my law. (Jeremiah 6:16, 17, 19 NIV)

Ask for the good ways and walk in it and you will find rest for your souls. So beautiful yet so heartbreaking that God's people refuse to walk in those ways. God please heal the blind and make them see, heal the deaf and make them hear so that they may walk in your ways and find rest for their weary souls.


Wednesday, July 03, 2013


Unusually quiet in BrownTown this afternoon. Laying down like a bump on a log hoping these silly BH contrax will simmer down so we can rock ghetto baths at the pool. Hard staying hydrated enough in Texas during the summer. I'm sure the kids kicking me in the stomach and little bit crawling all over me is going to do just the trick!

Well, family pool fun busted by two boys not willing to obey. It's times when I actually follow through that I am able to see the absolute insanity I tend to live in. I'm all talk and no follow through. Oh I follow through sometimes but not nearly as often as I should. Grace should always be part of the equation but I've made grace cheap around here. Doing stuff together as a family fills up my tank and often I'm too selfish to let go of an opportunity to get my tank filled than do the good I ought to. Sacrifices on this end will reap a harvest later on. I want to play hard together as a family but I also want to work hard together as a family. I can teach my kids to serve others all day long but if I miss teaching them to serve each other and our family first them I'm doing them a disservice. Frankly it can be easier to serve others outside our family than to first serve those who we are called to serve first. They also have to learn life is not just about one fun activity after another. If I paint that picture for them they will be sorely disappointed in adulthood. God help me to place aside my desires and wants to do what is truly best for my kiddos even when it hurts.

JER 6:
This chapter is heavy. Again it's so sad. God is trying to warn them of the impending doom but they simply will not listen. Again America keeps coming to mind.

I will destroy Daughter Zion, so beautiful and delicate. (Jeremiah 6:2 NIV)

God loves Israel, in fact He adores her. He's warned her over and over again and beckoned for her to turn back and yet she continues to go her own way. Even in this destruction it's out of love for her, to turn her heart towards Him and the other nations surrounding.
Israel kept running from The Lord so He simply removed His protection which is what His people wanted.

To whom can I speak and give warning? Who will listen to me? Their ears are closed so they cannot hear. The word of the Lord is offensive to them; they find no pleasure in it. (Jeremiah 6:10 NIV)

This pains me. Oh how the word of The Lord is offensive in our country right now. We have been warned about what it's like for a country to turn its back on God. They begin to devour each other in their own wickedness. Yet God will only tolerate wickedness for so long. Women in this country rip out their own babies from their wombs. How much further must we fall before we see our desperate need for a Savior?

But I am full of the wrath of the Lord, and I cannot hold it in. "Pour it out on the children in the street and on the young men gathered together; both husband and wife will be caught in it, and the old, those weighed down with years. Their houses will be turned over to others, together with their fields and their wives, when I stretch out my hand against those who live in the land," declares the Lord. (Jeremiah 6:11, 12 NIV)

This is the harvest that we are sowing. The winnowing and the refinement will happen. It's funny that I am less upset by this than the state we are currently living in. Keeping tabs on the Texas Legislature and how SB5 is going is more depressing to me than the possible fallout from our wickedness. People spitting on people and shouting hail satan. They have their own children hold signs that say "if I wanted government in my womb I'd F*** a legislator. They mock and yet have no idea how much they are truly following the prince of the air. They are deaf and blind to the reality of what abortion truly is. The pictures of dead babies does not stir their hearts to turn. They fight for a woman's right to choose yet care not about the devastation that choice has left on millions of women. It's heartbreaking.

"From the least to the greatest, all are greedy for gain; prophets and priests alike, all practice deceit. They dress the wound of my people as though it were not serious. 'Peace, peace,' they say, when there is no peace. (Jeremiah 6:13, 14 NIV)

If these verses are not simply telling of what's going on in the American church today. We have been lulled and fooled to believe in a false doctrine of tolerance. Tolerance is held in much higher regard that love. Peace, peace they say when there is no peace. What a word picture of today if there ever was one. Praying that I might love like crazy.