> Today kicked my buns and I don't want to do this. So weird how that goes hand in hand. I fought today tooth and nail and didn't choose to just lean in and let today be what it was supposed to be. Today just proves that I can make ANYTHING an idol. I'm as stiff necked as the Israelites. Thankful that His mercies are new every morning.
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> Drum roll of today:
> 1. Luke cut Bella's hair (very thankful it wasn't much)
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> 2. Bella drew on counter top with permanent marker
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> 3. Boys threw dirt and leaves in house when they threw it at me as a "surprise"
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> 4. Boys went over the fence and out their window
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> 5. Buster got loose and jumped 4 foot fence to play with a neighbors dog.
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> 6. I tried hard to fight my anal tendencies while getting a start on Jesse Tree Ornaments but still failed miserably. My girl said at the end "sorry Mommy for not doing the ornaments like you wanted me to do them". Dagger straight to my jerk face heart. Why do I care? They are STUPID ORNAMENTS! Not worth hurting a sweet precious heart over.
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> 7. Sweet Lilly Bit fussed all day and would not settle in and it made little big sis upset.
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> 8. Kids fought all day long with each other.
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> 9. I held onto my plans instead of rolling with it.
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> I did get to rock most of these kiddos today. Didn't get to Abbie but since she was the least craziest today she's getting some solo time with Dad. That girls kills me. She is becoming so much fun. Seven is a very beautiful age.
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> GEN 21:
> First verse out of the shoot.
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> Now the Lord was gracious to Sarah as he had said, and the Lord did for Sarah what he had promised. (Genesis 21:1 NIV)
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> The Lord was gracious to Sarah. God is so good to each and everyone of us obedient or not. God is so very gracious to me. Today I dug my heels in and at many points I just didn't want to do today. Freakishly other than the ornaments I wasn't Momster. I just wanted to get off the ride instead of just strapping on my seat belt and enjoying the ride. Today was beautiful outside and there were so many possibilities but I blew it being self focused and task focused.
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> It's insane how relationship over task I am with everybody else other than those closet to me. Total stink. I don't feel like I was always like this. Maybe my phone has stolen my soul. I think something switched at four kids. That was the point where my methods no longer worked. Everything always has to keep going or else with a small army you get snowed under quickly. Thats when task started fighting with relationship. It all goes back to trust though. Do I trust that God will provide if I trade in my agenda for His?
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> Today I got a tangible example of His provision too. I had just the perfect amount of spray paint left for this years JT ornaments. Last one got sprayed and the paint was no more. Unfortunately even after God's graciousness in that things deteriorated rapidly and I was ready to just clock out for the day. I could have poured it all out like the widow woman did with her oil and flour and I lacked the faith of rather the focus to do it. Yet one thing remains regardless God will continue to be gracious to me and regardless of how much I missed the mark today through faith in Christ I am consider righteous in the eyes of the Lord. That blows my mind.
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> Speaking of mind blowing Abraham and Sarah having a kid together is crazy. I love that God works beyond our reasoning and understanding. Well, kinda. Adoption on mind. It's always there somewhere. Still don't get why things have gone down the way they have on that front but trust that God knows what He is doing. Abbie came in our room this morning and she asked if we were still going to adopt. It's always there.
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> Then God opened her eyes and she saw a well of water. So she went and filled the skin with water and gave the boy a drink. (Genesis 21:19 NIV)
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> Love that God had to open her eyes to see. Love that I have a dear heart seeing friend that has eyes that see. I pray to also have that opened to see His goodness. I don't want to be blind to any of the goodness that seven particular people possess. I want to have eyes that see.
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> Need to do some homework and figure out if the Treaty at Beersheba was an Abraham acting on his own kinda thing OR God ordained. I know some of the treaties that are later made do not end well. They just jump in and never consult The Lord. God help me to walk WITH you and not near you or the general direction of you. I want to learn how to take each step with you and rid myself of this awful self reliance.
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