Thursday, January 30, 2014

1261: EXODUS 32-34

Putting kids down early in an attempt to have an in home date night. Hopefully we can stay awake. Poor hubs caught some kid funk.

Much better day. It's crazy how fast Satan can slip in a whisper his awful lies. Thankful to be recentered today.

Exodus 32:
This chapter is just plain painful. The people ask Aaron to make gods for them to worship. Aaron makes a golden and it goes down hill fast. Oh how we must grieve the heart of God when we turn aside from Him. Moses pleads for the people of Israel and reminds me of how Abraham pleaded for Sodom. 

Exodus 33:
Love this and long for a relationship like this.

Thus the Lord used to speak to Moses face to face, as a man speaks to his friend. When Moses turned again into the camp, his assistant Joshua the son of Nun, a young man, would not depart from the tent. (Exodus 33:11 ESV)

This chapter has one of the most interesting scenes with God putting Moses in a cleft of a rock and allowing Moses to see His back. There is so much I just can't comprehend about God. He is so huge!!

Love the intimacy between Moses and The Lord.

And the Lord said to Moses, "This very thing that you have spoken I will do, for you have found favor in my sight, and I know you by name." (Exodus 33:17 ESV)

I love that He knows each of us by name. 

Exodus 34:
God renews covenant with Israel.


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Wednesday, January 29, 2014

1260: EXODUS 30-31

I've been getting my buns kicked the last couple days. Sick kids, grumpy troll mom still detoxing, baby clingon, boobs tired of being pacifiers, and just a bad attitude about how hard the days are has taken me down this week. I want to hide from everyone and their constant demands. This afternoon I was trying to figure out what my deal was and what I needed. A break, a Hersey bar the size of my face, or something else. I came to the conclusion that what I really needed was Jesus. Felt good just to even acknowledge that.

I am a selfish sinner in desperate need of grace. I'm completely morally bankrupted without my Savior. Oh how prone to wonder I am. This week I've wanted to push my own agenda. Nothing on my agenda was bad but without consulting The Lord I ended up just an angry beast when I couldn't get done what I wanted to do. Lord help kill the selfish beast that resides in this body of mine. So very thankful that your grace is sufficient in my weakness!!

Thankful for a hubs who stayed home tonight to help deal with the chaos at home. I know getting out would have been a lot more fun but thankful for the extra set of hands tonight.

Exodus 30-31:
Going to do this quick. Want to jump in shower while baby is sleeping. I have approximately 37 seconds before she realizes I have moved.

Lots of stuff in these chapters. The thing that stood out to me the most in chapter 30 was the Census Tax. After digging into it a bit I found out this tax was to discourage a census. Really cool why. God didn't want rulers to get a big head about the job they were doing or gain security in the number of people they had under them.

The other big thing that stood out in chapter 31 was the separate commands for observing the sabbath. It screams pretty loud and clear to observe it. Again praying about what in the world this should look like for us. Probably really doing study on the Sabbath itself would help.

God help me and my family observe your laws. May we take great delight in doing your will and obeying you.


Tuesday, January 28, 2014

DAY 1259: EXODUS 28-29

Confident my day in bed a couple weeks was indeed an arthritis flare up. Been battling some pretty yuck joint pain since then. Thankful the pain isn't severe or debilitating just incredibly annoying. Hate that our food supply is so incredibly jacked up.

Yesterday put on a Jillian Michaels workout video for a couple minutes. The junk she was able to spew into my living room was two minutes too many. Glad my girl was playing outside and that I didn't ignore my sons eyes that were glued to the screen. I know you are working out but seriously woman put some darn clothes on! We have reached that age with my oldest boy. Noticed it this summer at the pool as I kept tabs on where his focus would go. These poor boys AND girls are going to have a lot to fight against.

Jillian made me think of the character Shannon in Despicable Me 2. The treatment of her is disturbing. Yes her character is obnoxious and she is rude and I may be looking into this too much but if we laugh at the treatment of this cartoon woman what does it say about the treatment of women in general? No longer are the days when men love and protect the weaker. No longer are the days when women are free to be women instead of feeling the need to play the role of a man. It's sad to me how backwards and mixed up everything has become because of sin.

Started the day off at 4:30 thanks to a puking boy. Today will be a wild ride. At least my MeeMaw bedtimes will help. Maybe I should just throw in the towel completely and go with MeeMaw everything. 4:30 is probably about the right time to wake up in that regard anyway. It hit the right moment in my sleep cycle too so I wasn't groggy although now I could easily fall back asleep. There is nothing quite like the adrenaline of a kid puking to wake you up.
Oy! It's been a crazy day. Puking kids and wild pent up boys. There was not enough coffee in the entire world. Had a bad attitude by the end of it all and unfortunately by then time my hubs came home I was an angry beast. Thankfully I got to take out anger while making dinner.

Food in my belly which I'm very thankful for and a sweet finally passed out baby. Sweet stinker was a pill today and with a sick Bunny it made for an exhausting day. School was okay today but again at times like running uphill against the wind. Everybody on their own program is maddening.

Exodus 28:
Taken lots of attempts to read this chapter today. Interesting how this started the traditional dress of priests. Every last detail of Aaron's priestly outfit was accounted for in this chapter right down to the underwear. Love how God designs the ephod so that the names of the tribes of Israel are close to the heart of Aaron.

Exodus 29:
Moses is given instructions on how to consecrate the priests. It's a dang blood bath. Real eye opening on how much our sin cost Jesus. His blood was spilled everywhere so that we could draw near to The Lord. I take this for granted almost every day.


Monday, January 27, 2014

DAY 1258: EXODUS 25-27

Seizing a kids should be cleaning their room moment (ha!) to do this. School so far has been okay. Monday has become our Ambleside day. I had visions of all of us snuggled up together on this chilly day reading the day away. There has been lots of reading done BUT it has not been picture perfect by any means. It hasn't been a complete whip but much more like a run uphill against the wind. 

God was sweet how He woke me up at almost 6:30 on the dot by a sweet baby. While nursing that baby I fell back asleep. Now that the sun is hiding behind clouds again all I want to do is crawl into bed again. My body is still struggling with not getting simple sugars to fuel itself and I'm a sleepy troll.

Exodus 25:
This chapter The Lord speaks of taking up offerings in order to build the tabernacle. Love this verse:

"Speak to the people of Israel, that they take for me a contribution. From every man whose heart moves him you shall receive the contribution for me. (Exodus 25:2 ESV)

God doesn't force Himself on people. Nor does He want us to respond to Him out of compulsion. It's about our heart always about our hearts.

The rest of this chapter and the following two are the blue prints for the tabernacle. Googled what it would have looked like and loved having a visual. There's even a tabernacle model you can get. Kinda awesome. 

Ready for offspring to fall asleep so I can. They might outlast me again tonight. Just call me MeeMaw!


Sunday, January 26, 2014

DAY 1257: EXODUS 21-24

Pretty low key Sunday so far. House will probably be messier than I'd like to start off the week and laundry stacking up again but oh well. It's life in BrownTown.

Exodus 21-24 is more Mosaic law. Look forward to really diving into each and every law someday. I do get tripped up on the laws revolving around slaves but other than that can see God's heart behind all the laws He sets before His people.

It's interesting reading about letting the fields lay fallow every seventh year. I just read an article last night that part of the reason our food is so toxic to us is not just due to GMO's but also due to not resting the ground. All His rules and regulations had rhyme and reason to them. Our God is a God of order and detail He does not miss a single beat.

The other thing I found interesting is the section where God commands and lays out how the Promised a Land will become the Israelites. He doesn't give it all to them all at once. I know there are so many reasons for The Lord to do this but I'm reminded again that His time frames often do not match mine.

Offspring done with mommy having quiet time so till tomorrow.


Saturday, January 25, 2014

DAY 1256: EXODUS 17-20

The Lord is good! Oh how sweet and kind He was to answer prayer in such a big and tangible way for me. One of my kiddos broke a sibling's toy. Instead of being up front about it nothing was said and then once discovered it was lied about. My hubs and I both knew who did it simply by knowing our kids but wanted the offender to do the right thing and tell the truth. Prayed and pleaded that God would move in that kid to tell the truth. I kept hearing "it's up to him to make the right choice". I continued to pray that God would help him to make the right choice.  

Tonight after a BrownTown jam to the books of the bible my oldest finished off a ukulele that was already starting to break. She immediately owned it and told the truth about what happened. We seized the moment used it as a teaching opportunity and offered a chance for confession. The offender seized the moment and grace abounded. Never been so thankful for a shoddy ukulele and how God used it in mighty ways tonight in our home and in the heart of one of my children today. For whatever reason this moment seemed so huge like a turning point for the future. Crazy thankful for God's provision tonight and for a child whose ear was tuned to the promoting of the Holy Spirit. I just asked my kiddo if God told them anything tonight. The answer was "do the right thing". God is good. This was not just a pivot point for my kid it's a pivot point for me as well.

Exodus 17:
The first half of this chapter is hard to read. The Israelites are once again in need of water and they grumble and complain to Moses and grumble and complain and complain to The Lord. 

A couple things stand out:
1. Never expect man to take the place of what God can do. 
2. Don't be a fickle follower of Christ and only give thanks when things go well. 
3. Just because the road gets rough doesn't mean you are not following what God has called you to. 

I've read this passage before and I know often I turned my nose up thinking I was much better than the Israelites. Yet I know I question God in this manner lacking humility of who I am compared to Him all the time. I question Him as if I was the one who set the foundations of the earth. Lord give me a humble and contrite spirit especially in regards to my relationship to you. Please forgive me of all the times I've grumbled and complained instead of coming to you humbly and with gratitude over who you are and all that you have done for me. 

The second half of this chapter is one of my favorite stories and illustrations. The Israelites go to battle and as long as Moses has his arms up, the Israelites win but as soon as the drop the Amalak wins. Aaron and Hur hold up Moses arms eventually because he becomes too tired and the Israelites win. Such a beautiful picture of what it looks like when we come beside one another in our weaknesses. 

Exodus 18:
Jethro Moses father in law comes and gives Moses advice on how to share the burden of looking after the people and settling disputes. Moses listens and obeys the wise advice of his fil.

Exodus 19:
These words are so incredibly sweet to me.

Now therefore, if you will indeed obey my voice and keep my covenant, you shall be my treasured possession among all peoples, for all the earth is mine; and you shall be to me a kingdom of priests and a holy nation. These are the words that you shall speak to the people of Israel." (Exodus 19:5, 6 ESV)

Thankful to be grafted into the family!

On the morning of the third day there were thunders and lightnings and a thick cloud on the mountain and a very loud trumpet blast, so that all the people in the camp trembled. Then Moses brought the people out of the camp to meet God, and they took their stand at the foot of the mountain. Now Mount Sinai was wrapped in smoke because the Lord had descended on it in fire. The smoke of it went up like the smoke of a kiln, and the whole mountain trembled greatly. And as the sound of the trumpet grew louder and louder, Moses spoke, and God answered him in thunder. (Exodus 19:16-19 ESV)

I often forget the sheer majesty of The Lord. I reminded in the beauty of nature but I not in it near enough. God let me not forget your majesty and how powerful you are. My mind simply can not understand all that you are but I pray that you would help me to truly know who you are and your character more and more. 

Exodus 20:
The Ten Commandments and commandments about an altar for The Lord. The two things that stick out is the fear of The Lord that the people of Israel have in that moment.

Now when all the people saw the thunder and the flashes of lightning and the sound of the trumpet and the mountain smoking, the people were afraid and trembled, and they stood far off and said to Moses, "You speak to us, and we will listen; but do not let God speak to us, lest we die." Moses said to the people, "Do not fear, for God has come to test you, that the fear of him may be before you, that you may not sin." (Exodus 20:18-20 ESV)

It's hard for me to think of fearing God. I know it's not the kind of fear I think of but rather being face to face with God and so awe filled and realizing who I am in comparison. Either way I could stand to understand this fear a little better so that I might be humble in my approach to our relationship.

This verse is interesting to me.

The people stood far off, while Moses drew near to the thick darkness where God was. (Exodus 20:21 ESV)

1. Moses drew near while the people stood far off. The people were commanded to not go up on the mountain but they stood far off they didn't come near to even the boundary set for them probably. 

2. The idea of God being amongst the thick darkness is interesting to me. 

I'm beginning to understand this law verses grace a bit more. Those who walk with God don't need the law. They shouldn't be bucking up against the line of what is acceptable and what isn't. The heart is not in a good spot if we are trying to get as close to sin as possible without actually sinning. Those who are walking with God can hear His voice and follow Him. They don't need a set of laws and regulations because they are following The Lord which exceeds that of the law. What am I trying to get away with? What things in my life am I trying to get as close to the line as possible without sinning? God I pray you would reveal those areas to me. 


Friday, January 24, 2014

DAY 1255: EXODUS 16-18

Going to bed has become my new favorite thing. Thank you Paleo and getting up early. Didn't get up early today though nor will I tomorrow. Love snuggling together as a family in the mornings.

Bella had a blast tonight jumping off the coffee table and onto a pallet tonight. Abbie, Paul and Luke loved doing that when they were little bits. How in the world does time go by so fast. Our lives truly are but a vapor.

Exodus 16:
So much great stuff in this chapter but can't keep my eyes open. Till tomorrow...


Thursday, January 23, 2014

DAY 1254: EXODUS 13-15

Day 4 of Paleo is killing me softly. Struggling to keep my milk supply up too. Poop! Feel confident it will come back full force once my body is out of shock. Lots of water, nursing and more carbs till then.

Exodus 13:
And the Lord went before them by day in a pillar of cloud to lead them along the way, and by night in a pillar of fire to give them light, that they might travel by day and by night. The pillar of cloud by day and the pillar of fire by night did not depart from before the people. (Exodus 13:21, 22 ESV)

This is such a great reminder that The Lord goes before me. If The Lord calls me to something He will indeed go before me if I don't run in front of Him. Such a sweet comfort to know that I don't have to walk through anything in this life alone. 

Exodus 14:
This verse has had so much impact on me the past year or so and it speaks for itself.

The Lord will fight for you, and you have only to be silent." (Exodus 14:14 ESV)

Really convicted by this chapter. The Egyptians take pursuit of the Israelites and the very first thing they do is give in to fear and grumble and complain. Instead of remembering all that The Lord had down they instead looked at their current circumstances. So very guilty of this. This is the very reason why The Lord wanted the Israelites to remember the  Passover. Remember and see all that The Lord has done so that when difficult seasons arise and the heart grows faint God can still be the rock to cling to.
I am an angry bitter elf. So sad how addicted my body is to absolute junk and how entitled I feel to eat whatever I want to. Food is obvious a huge issue for me. Lord smash this idol in me I don't want to live to eat but rather eat to live. Just for authenticity sake I almost erased that prayer. Ugh! Deep rooted.

Exodus 15:
Crazy chapter in some ways. First part is the song of Moses. Moses and all the people sing before The Lord. 

A few days after this awesome event the people can't find water and when they finally do it's bitter and they can't drink it. They grumble and complain instead of going before The Lord. These verses came to mind regarding this passage.

Or which one of you, if his son asks him for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a serpent? If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask him! (Matthew 7:9-11 ESV)

God isn't our genie in a bottle but he does care about us! He cares about the things we need and the things we want. How different would it have been if the Israelites had humbly gone before The Lord and asked instead of grumbled and complained. Hint to self especially in the midst of my angry detox. Oh Lord may I fully embrace the truth that you love me and care so incredibly much. 


Wednesday, January 22, 2014

DAY 1253: EXODUS 11-12

Want to knock this bad boy out before the day gets away from. Long rough night and lots ahead for today. Not sure what's going on with the Lil Bit but goodness! Oh how I do love these mornings snuggled up next to her. Hoping Paleo eventually treats her little tummy well.

Exodus 11-12
The Passover. These are such somber passages. I'm taken aback how separated The Lord keeps the Israelites from the Egyptians. In the world but not of the world. Thinking about how I'm grafted into His family is pretty awe inspiring.

The idea of memorializing this event and remembering is huge and The Lord sets all that up with the very first Passover meal. I was thinking about this but remembering what God has done is so important during the hard seasons where we doubt His goodness and all that He has done for us. Oh how He whispers remember to us during the drought, famine and plagues in our lives.

Newly inspired to get our family memorial stones in action. The Lord has been so good to us, to me, over the years. It would be fun to come up with our own memorial celebration of what God has done in our lives and continues to do.

Lord may I not forget all the mighty and wonderful things you have done for us, for me. I pray that today I am able to bask in your Sovereignty and continue to relish and embrace who you are . May I grow to know you more and more through you word, your works and your gentle and quiet whisper.


Tuesday, January 21, 2014

DAY 1252: EXODUS 9-10

What a day. Lots of churn going on in my head. I've been due a good day of processing and dreaming.

Trying to sneak in a few minutes for this as I rock a sweet Lilly Bit and my kids work on their handicrafts AKA rainbow loom. This morning I reached a point of feeling completely overwhelmed. Baby wrangling while trying to homeschool my bigs and trying to keep a household afloat is so hard. Let me be honest here household management has always been a struggle and I'm so out of my element in that realm. I simply do not have enough of me to go around. I went to go try to put LB down for a much needed nap and was going to try to squeak in some time to read the bible. To add to the feeling of floundering in a sea of too many to dos I'm behind on my reading plan. Simply could not keep my eyes open long enough to finish out all four chapters last night. As I went in already feeling discouraged, today is the day of the week that is an off day. It's to catch up or meditate on what has been covered over the week. God's sweet precious provision. It was such a gracious reminder to just deal with the task set before me at the present time. Do the next best thing and walk arm and arm with Him. Running ahead of Him can lead to all kinds of dysfunction, feelings of being overwhelmed one of them.

I am reminded once again of the widow who had to pour out her oil and flour every single day. She was provided just enough for each day and every single day she had to trust and pour it all out. It all comes back to trust. Do I trust that God will provide for what He has called me to? He can't if I'm not willing to walk with Him. Again I'm brought to abundant amounts of gratitude for not feeling capable to do this and frankly not being able to do this without walking with Him step by step. I am prone to wander and run the race set before me without Him. I've wasted many years of desiring to be His disciple yet not willing to abide in Him. I'm thankful that The Lord is so faithful to crush the self reliance I love to cling to.

I sit again in a wonderful mess only my offspring could make and I desire to honor my hubs by having it cleaned up. At this moment I have a few choices: grin and bear it and fuss at my kids till it's done or pray and trust that no matter what gets done it will be just enough. I often will mess it up but today I choose the latter and give thanks for God's gracious reminder of who He is and how He provides.

So thankful to be back in the groove of school. I've chosen to fully embrace Charlotte Mason as an approach to schooling. It makes sense to me and fits our family really well right now. I think it also supports the goal of helping to create kids who love to learn. Love watching their eyes light up and getting an opportunity to bring God into so much of our schooling. He is after all the author and creator of everything so everything should center around Him.

Here's the other thing that I've been chomping on today. One of my neighbors was going to go to Weds bible study with me but has once again backed out. I truly think she desires to go but the setting is overwhelming to her. There are so many women and widows on this street and I'm already using a morning to do bible study it just makes sense to use that time to do a study on my street. It would allow my one neighbor as well as others to join in. I could even make it easy on myself and use teaching from our women's study and just facilitate a group in my home. The only catches are my offspring. My oldest really enjoy getting time with their friends. That has value. What to do with my littles is the other thing. Praying through solutions to these issues. If this idea is indeed from God I know He can provide in ways I never thought possible. He is so good. If this does work out it fits into my renegade spirit in a God honoring way. The big overproduced production is far less my thing than the gritty and wheels off version. (Wonder why I have six kids.)

Oh my I'm exhausted. An I've been with six wonderful kids all day nonstop kind of exhausted. Already thankful for coffee in the morning.

Exodus 9-10:
The plagues!!! Ahhhhh!! Unfortunately I think this is one of those times when the end of the day has hit hard and I'm so familiar with the passage that it's hard to look beyond the familiar. These verses stood out:

But for this purpose I have raised you up, to show you my power, so that my name may be proclaimed in all the earth. You are still exalting yourself against my people and will not let them go. (Exodus 9:16, 17 ESV)

As the world gets crazier, it's comforting to know that it is God who people into power and it is The Lord who orchestrates all the events in this world that will ever happen. Sometimes it takes a prideful and stubborn ruler in order for the world to see just how powerful The Lord is.


Monday, January 20, 2014

DAY 1252: EXODUS 7-8

Don't want to do this not because I don't want to be in the Word but rather just tired. Finally kicked off getting up early and Paleo. I set my alarm for 6am but didn't pry open my eyes till 6:30am. I didn't use my time the way I envisioned I would but going to celebrate the victory of being up. Crazy how long the day lasted being up early. Hopefully, I'll get used to this early gig.

Good day back to a full day of school. Not easy by any stretch of the imagination but thankful for some kind of plan and some kind of routine.

Today I'm thankful for the beauty of obedience, chaos caused by children, time with a friend who sacrifices her eggs, sweet girls who need mentors, and a group of amazing women who are piercing the darkness.

Exodus 7-8
The plagues. Struggling to keep eyes open.


Sunday, January 19, 2014

DAY 1251: EXODUS 3-6

Watched my kids dancing around this morning to an Old Testament song. Brought joy to my heart but also very much aware that this time is fleeting and it's short and to embrace every moment I possibly can.

"Our provision through the desert".

Exodus 3:
I think this might be my favorite verse in the whole bible:

God said to Moses, " I am who I am." And he said, "Say this to the people of Israel, ' I am has sent me to you.'" (Exodus 3:14 ESV)

For whatever reason this verse captures God's sheer power and Sovereignty. I take MUCH comfort in the fact that God is the great I AM. 

This verse of Moses turning aside always gets me every single time.

And Moses said, "I will turn aside to see this great sight, why the bush is not burned." (Exodus 3:3 ESV)

The question I always have to ask myself is whether or not I am willing to turn aside. I don't think that I am. Sometimes I 'my willing but other times I'm so stuck on my own agenda that I'm unyielding. How many burning bushes have I missed out of my own unyieldedness to simply turn aside. Am I faithful in the smallest of things? Do I embrace the daily simple blessings or do I miss out on them simply because I won't stop and turn aside. God help me to weed out busyness. Help me to be still, to remain to abide so that I may turn aside when you beckon. You speak in a gentle and quiet whisper help tune my ears to hear your voice.

Exodus 4-6:
Moses wrestles with God about the task that God has set before him. I do not envy Moses on the job he was given. Oh how his heart must have ached when his act of obedience to ask Pharaoh to let his people go worship in the desert lead to even harsher treatment of the Israelites. Great reminder to remain obedient and continue to press on when obedient even when the wheels come flying off.


Saturday, January 18, 2014

DAY 1250: EXODUS 1&2

Tonight getting ice cream after a fun day out was magical. As a family with 6 kids 7 and under any trip anywhere can turn wheels off on a dime. Tonight when I imagine family fun this was it. Things got a little wonky at the end as the sugar high hit and a talk about iPod touches lead to all kinds of things but for the most part it was magical. Got a lot of stares and comments which is usual but heard a whispered they are blessed tonight. Love when people get it and understand the reason for the appearance of our madness.

It is so incredibly difficult being a parent. Hardest thing I've ever done hands down. This momma gig is not easy in anyway for me but the difficulty is so worth it. Love our wonderful wild crew and the amazing man who leads our tribe.

Exodus 1:
Couple things stood out in this chapter. The first is that despite affliction the Israelites continue to prosper, in fact they prospered even more.

But the more they were oppressed, the more they multiplied and the more they spread abroad. And the Egyptians were in dread of the people of Israel. (Exodus 1:12 ESV)

Note to self: do not fear hardship for it produces a beautiful harvest.

Love that these midwives were mentioned by name!

Then the king of Egypt said to the Hebrew midwives, one of whom was named Shiphrah and the other Puah, (Exodus 1:15 ESV)

God blessed them for placing Him above Pharaohs commands to kill the Hebrew baby boys. Love just about everything about this!

Exodus 2:
I'm always blown away by this chapter. Pharaoh has ordered all the Hebrew baby boys to be killed. Moses is hidden for three months then his mom sends him in a basket down the Nile River. The sequence of events that happen after always remind me that God is capable of anything.

1. Pharaohs daughter finds Moses and wants to keep him. Moses ends up staying in the very house that wanted to end his life. Irony upon irony.

2. Moses momma gets to be his wet nurse and gets PAID to do it!!!

God is so sweet in his provision in all of this. He is so sweet in His daily provision for me as well. God please open my eyes to the ways you bless me with your daily provision. I know I miss so much let me not be oblivious to your constant care and watch over me so that I might know you more and experience your love more deeply.

In this chapter Moses also kills an Egyptian man for being harsh to a fellow Hebrew. Moses is a passionate man but his passion is not yet yielded fully to Christ. Passion without God's guidance and direction can cause all kinds of chaos. This is a great reminder to me to remain and abide in Him as God has made me a person passionate about many things. Some things which make sense and some which absolutely don't.


DAY 1249: Gen 48-50

I didn't write about this yesterday but going to even if it makes me sound like a hypochondriac or irrational. First thing I thought yesterday when I woke up incredibly achy was that I've finally hit the autoimmune jackpot. My mom, aunt and girl cousin all have autoimmune diseases so it definitely wouldn't be a stretch to end up with one too. My joints ache like they normally do especially after pregnancy just this time my muscles and whole body are in on the fun too. I feel better than yesterday but my whole body aches. Could be just a virus, could be clogged duct related, could be a fluke or it could be autoimmune. Regardless I trust that God will supply me with exactly what I need each day. His grace is sufficient for me, for my husband, and my kids. I trust that whole heartedly. If these aches and pains are less temporal than I'd like then may I use it to give glory to God.
As the day wore on the aches definitely lessened. Joints definitely sore so need to start avoiding gluten like the plague. Felt so much better on the Whole 30 and joint pain went away. Feel like MeeMaw writing about things like the arthritty.

Found out some friends are jumping out there in faith and going to adopt. So crazy fired up for them. Look forward to seeing all that God does in the upcoming year as they embark on a new journey. Someday hopefully it will be us jumping back in the adoption ring. Looked at our dossier we just got back today and oh how it stung. I don't know what the future holds for us and adoption BUT what I do know is that God is clearly at work regardless if we ever get blessed with a child we get to adopt. God is good and He is faithful.

Date night with my hubs tonight. Used a gift card we were blessed with by friends to one of our favorite places. Didn't want to go at first. Exhausted and chaos abounded but so glad we pushed through and went. So good to break bread with my hubs with out five wonderful interruptions. Love my bearded wonder!

Saw a same sex couple with a baby they probably adopted. My heart ached for the three of them. I was repulsed by the damage being raised in that kind of home will probably look like but not in the least bit repulsed by them. I pray I have eyes like that more and more to have great compassion for the ones God loves yet sorrow over sin. The one guy holding the sweet baby girl was wearing his pain. God help me to deal with any pain and sinful dysfunction that I'm harboring so that I don't pass on gift wrapped baggage to my children.

Gen 48-50.
I'm struck by just how many people mourned for Jacob when he died. Although not perfect by any means he left quite the legacy. God help me to leave a legacy that has impact as well. Not for my own glory but for yours.


Thursday, January 16, 2014

DAY 1248: Gen 45-47

Woke up this morning feeling like I was hit by a gianormous truck. I can't remember the last time I have felt so achy. Felt better this afternoon but starting to feel the aches and chills come back. Not sure if I'm starting to get mastitis or if I have a bug. My lungs, sinuses and throat hurt too but that totally could just be allergies. I feel like I can deal with the rest but the aches are a whip. Thankful for sweet friends who checked in and offered to help and for a hubs with a job flexible enough for him to stay home on days like this. Glad it's not Sunday :).

Gen 45-47
Powerful ending filled with restoration and provision. God is good.


Wednesday, January 15, 2014

DAY 1247: Gen 41-44

When I told God to wake me up last night 3am wasn't exactly what I was thinking. I was thinking about this yesterday but I think this kid has brought me to new sleep deprived heights. No wonder why I can't keep track of my keys.

Could be lack of sleep but Lilly 's congestion has gotten to the "I'm just not comfortable with this" point. I'm sure the fact that Joshua got a pretty awful bout of croup and a friend's sweet baby in the hospital for pneumonia is not helping. Thankful I had a hunch going in that the night would be long. I'm so thankful for this Lil Bit and that God's Sovereign hand is over her. Oh how I do love her snuggles. Thankful for solo time with her tonight.

Took the Bit to dr and she's super congested but clear lungs. Hopefully that knowledge will help me in the wee hours of the morning when I'm sitting in a steamy bathroom with her.

Our house is in shambles and I 'm barely functioning. Feel bad for my kids. Oh and for kicks and grins I decided to hit my neighbors car today. Actually not beating myself up horribly about it but definitely struggling with shame and guilt overall today. Definitely recognize a pattern between sleep deprivation and the deep swirling pit of shame and guilt. Can't even pinpoint what I feel shameful and guilty about except for anything and everything. It's almost as if I feel guilty for just being.

My hubs said something today that resonated with me. "It's not about your performance but your heart." I'm sure the feeling of guilt is wrapped up in not feeling like I can perform. I got nothing today. I do feel much victory in not spiraling or getting wrapped up in how I feel. Great to lean in, cling to truth and be okay with feeling funky. In CR lingo I'm struggling well.

Gen 41-44:
The story of Joseph continues. Beautiful story of restoration.

Quiet house while hubs and oldest 5 at church. Lots of to dos but sleep happened instead. Thankful for rest, LB's fever spiking so could be another long night.



Tuesday, January 14, 2014

DAY 1246: MATT 5

I can not pull myself together today. Lil Bit struggled last night and sleep was scarce. I'm going to chalk today up to lack of sleep, cedar infestation, and a sick Lil Bit. Not a lot accomplished today but kids have watched good chunks of the bible today and we've listen to a ton of books of the bible songs. Gonna call it a win and hey I've managed to keep everyone alive. Trying to keep those standards high. Can't wait for bed tonight but not counting on much sleep tonight either.

Read a dear friends email and found her struggle over a decision this morning to be much like mine about getting up early. I wrestled with a 6am wake up knowing that I would have only gotten a few hours of sleep. I decided to grab as much sleep as I could. I could see either choice working and neither being a bad one. This afternoon I'm glad I went with the couple extra winks of sleep knowing tonight might be rough as well. Balancing obedience while not becoming completely legalistic is incredibly difficult. I can be so all or nothing.

Matthew 5:
There is so much in here that is convicting. God desires our hearts to not just want to follow the law but to go above and beyond by loving radically. To live is to die. Going to be a crazy year breathing this in and out.


Monday, January 13, 2014

DAY 1245: GEN 37-40

On the go all day. Laundry, dishes and tired kiddos will probably bite me in the britches tomorrow but tonight I'm full of gratitude for time spent with cherished friends.

This morning I was once again reminded of how beautiful the body of Christ is when it's in one accord and working together on mission. I was also reminded how differently people can interpret things. The same email I spoke of earlier solicited several different responses or rather was perceived several different ways. I love people. I love how God wires the ones that He loves. Every piece of biology and every piece of experience perfectly crafted to create each one of us. It's a beautiful thing. It's also a great reminder that I can't run a single thing through my own filter or the world's. I need Jesus as my framework or else there is way to much swerving to the left and to the right.

I think this grounding and this framework of Christ is why I'm really loving memorizing the sermon on the mount. I simply can't view things the same way I did even just a few weeks ago. Everything is now run through the grid of the Beatitudes. For this time period of my life the Message of the Beatitudes screamed loud and clear, walk humbly. If I'm walking with pride I fail to see how I'm poor in spirit. If I'm prideful I'm not able to mourn over my fallen and sinful condition. Meekness oozes humility. As long as I carry on in the sin of pride there is no room to hunger or to thirst for righteousness because I consider myself righteous on my own! I could go on and on. I'm brought back to be humble and consider others better than yourself. This is so hard. I want to be right and this is so contrary to what God is calling me to. There is a lot of heart work that is in store for me.

Praying for a sweet baby boy in the hospital tonight. That family has been in the wringer!

Gen 37-40:
Anybody who says the bible is boring hasn't truly read it. It's nuts. People thrown down cisterns, daughter in laws tricking father in laws to sleep with them, innocent person throw in jail by lustful woman, it's worse than tv! :) There is nothing more compelling than a great story. God has been creating and crafting the most awesome love story since the beginning of time. There are no coincidences in the story He is writing.

Oh Lord make my heart to be more like Joseph's faithful and steadfast to you regardless of the circumstances. It was apparent to all those who encountered Joseph that there was something different about him and his ways were different than everybody else's. God I pray that I too would look different than others in the world. May my neighbors and people I encounter see a joy and a peace that abundantly comes from you. Help me to love others the same way that You do. Give me the courage to continue to die so that you may increase. Thank you for the sweet ones you have blessed me with help me to love them extravagantly. I am so out of my element, often. I don't know how to do this but I trust you that you will provide what I need in order to glorify you every step of the way. I thank you that I don't have this thing figured out as it keeps me tethered to you. Help me to walk with you humbly. I am so prone to wander Lord, keep my heart bound to you.


Sunday, January 12, 2014

DAY 1244: GEN 32-36

Starting this way too late tonight. Hope I can keep my eyes open. Lil Bit did much better last night after my crunchy medicine but not caught from days of crazy interrupted sleep.

Gen 32:
Jacob prepares a huge gift for Esau in preparation to see him. Love how Jacob goes back to God's promise to help fight past the fear.

Jacob wrestles The Lord or an angel of The Lord. I'm always confused on who exactly he wrestled. This verse has always perplexed me:
When the man saw that he did not prevail against Jacob, he touched his hip socket, and Jacob's hip was put out of joint as he wrestled with him. (Genesis 32:25 ESV)

Regardless Jacob looses and it blessed and given a new name, Israel. Will read commentary to learn more about this wrestling match but not tonight.

Gen 33:
Jacob and Esau and reunited and all is forgiven. Jacob does tell his brother that he will join him and he never does.

Gen 34:
Dinah is raped and Jacob does nothing. In light of Jacob's passivity, his sons, Simeon and Levi, take matters into their own home.

Gen 35:
God calls Jacob to Bethel and blesses Jacob and gives him the name Israel.

Rachel dies during childbirth. Reuben lies with Bilhah,Jacob's concubine. Isaac dies and Jacob and Esau bury him.

Gen 36:
Descendants of Esau.



Saturday, January 11, 2014

DAY 1243: GEN 27-31

Gen 27:
Jacob deceives Isaac and receives Esau's blessing.

Gen 28:
Jacob is sent to get a wife. On his way to Haran he stops and dreams of the ladder going up to heaven. The Lord confirms the blessing he received from his father.

Gen 29:
Jacob meets up with his relatives in Haran. Jacob vows to work seven years for Rachel to be his wife. When the times comes for Laban to give Jacob Rachel, he gives Jacob Leah instead. Laban then offers to give him Rachel as well after the marriage week is over if Jacob will work seven more years. The Lord shows favor with Leah and blesses her with four sons and Rachel remains barren.

Gen 30:
In this chapter a birthathon takes places. Jacob stays with Laban and takes the speckled, spotted and black sheep. At first Laban takes away all the speckled and spotted sheep from his flock so that Jacob can not have them. Jacob lays certain sticks in front of the sheep and they have speckled and spotted lambs. (Weird!)

Gen 31:
Jacob no longer finds favor with Laban and The Lord tells him to leave. Instead of being honest about his departure with his livestock, wives and children Jacob once again uses deception. Laban pursues him and God tells him to speak no good and no harm to Jacob. They both air their grievances and make a covenant not to harm each other.

In these chapters it's crazy how trickery and deceitfulness runs amuck in this family. I am spurred on to continue to ask God to bring to light my areas of sin and to redeem them so that I might not pass it down to my children. They are soaking up everything that I do. They will live by the example I set not by the words that come out of my mouth.

Today an email was shared with me today following a Nest Event. At first, momma bear reared up at the defense of a gal on the team and aggravation at the gal who sent it. As I looked at the email again I was smacked in the face with pain of my own prideful heart. Unless it's flat out heresy then maybe just maybe if I have issue with a talk or sermon I can pray about what The Lord would reveal to me to sharpen me. Or I can use it as an opportunity to dig in deep to develop my own biblically grounded view. If something still doesn't sit right then I hope I broach the topic with much fear and trembling and with a humble and obedient heart.

The struggle with pride runs thick within my brood. I can't change hearts but with the Lord's help He can change mine. My hope is that as my children see the change in my heart The Lord will woe their hearts to want to do the same.

Speaking of change convicted of a heart that desires for my children to change certain personality quirks or flaws. Overall I love who God made each of my children to be but oh how I desire for their sinful traits to change. It's not my job to change them but rather to help point them to God's love and their desperate need for God's forgiveness and grace. May I love them unconditionally and may their sinfulness not ruffle my feathers but rather invoke a desire to look at the log in my own eye, to pray more for all of us, and embrace them for exactly who God made them to be warts and all.


Friday, January 10, 2014

DAY 1242: GEN 25-26

Listening to my hubs play guitar. One of my favorite things. Oh how music has always been such a blessing and a joy to me. I take it for granted yet it's a gift. It's fun to see my daughter's love for music blossom already.

Today in the car I was reminded of my desperate need for The Lord to change my prideful heart to a humble one. It's changing but I need to accept with humility when I'm called out instead of making excuses. It will take some work for the self righteous feisty to die.

Loving how memorizing the Sermon on the Mount has been more active and living than I anticipated. It's hard to explain but it's like a fortifier for the soul. Glad that's where things landed for scripture memory for me this year. Feels right and I'm thankful to have three gals along for the journey.
Fun night of laughter and games but now I'm ready for my wonderful offspring to sleep and to snuggle up in my husbands armpit of love.

Gen 25:
God I hate how my man hate gets in the way of reading your Word. I read about Abraham having concubines and in my mind he's tainted and all I can focus on for the rest of this chapter is thinking "dude, you're old, keep it in your britches".

I know my sin is no different than lust bucketitis but I have been wounded in that area and the anger only shows that the wound has yet to fully heal. Toots!

Since I'm laying it all out there this reminds me that although my hubs being out of time was the smoothest it's been yet, insecurity reared it's ugly face. Satan whispered in my ear about how the retreat was co-ed and how I can't compete with those younguns on staff. I was victorious at taking thoughts captive and reminding satan that I could eat those younguns for breakfast. I really probably could eat them for breakfast and still be hungry. That's besides the point though. I do trust my hubs and I think one of the things that helps is that both of us know that the enemy actively looks for ways to take us down. Both of us know that we are not affair proof. It would be foolish to think that we were. I think the awareness that we are vulnerable without being diligent in this area is what helps me to trust my hubs even more. I don't believe either of us lives in fear but rather an awareness that we are not infallible.

God help me to not be impulsive like Esau. I've grown in this area but again I know I'm not above making rash decisions and choices without praying and consulting you first.

God I praise you that you are the author and creator of life. I praise you that you are the one who opens and closes the womb. Although I don't always understand your plan I do trust that you are good, that you ultimately will be glorified and I rest in the fact that you are Sovereign.

Gen 26:
So Isaac settled in Gerar. When the men of the place asked him about his wife, he said, "She is my sister," for he feared to say, "My wife," thinking, "lest the men of the place should kill me because of Rebekah," because she was attractive in appearance. (Genesis 26:6, 7 ESV)

Boom! Generational sin. Ick! God create a clean heart with in. Help to root out and destroy any destructive patterns or behaviors that I possess. Help me to not pass on dysfunction to my sweet ones.

Love Isaac's humble heart in this chapter. He didn't fight for what he thought was his. He chose to be a peacemaker instead and The Lord still provided for him richly.


Thursday, January 09, 2014

DAY 1241: GEN 21-24

My daughter busted me on something yesterday and it's really stuck with me. I yelled at the dog for once again getting stuff off our table and destroying it. It wasn't done in a respectful way so I made her clean up the mess he made. Later we had a conversation about ways she could have told me she didn't like what I did in a respectful manner that I would receive. The thing is I justify using Buster as the scapegoat all the time. I'm not constantly yelling at him but I have very little grace for that dog.

Who cares it's just a dog right? I think it reveals a bigger heart issue. Reality is that I'm selfish down to the core. I want life and things to be easy and mess free. I don't want to clean up after everybody, I want everybody to clean after me. I don't want to work hard and I want to be comfortable. So much of my junk can be traced back to the god of comfort. Create in me a clean heart oh God. Help me accept with much joy and grace that this life is not about me and my comfort. Help me to serve my family and others diligently.

Gen 21:
There is such a sweetness in this chapter and sorrow over the consequences of pride. There is such animosity between Hagar and Sarah. It is hard enough dealing with our sinful nature without adding the heartache of another wife and son. The pain caused by our own consequences can be long lasting and at times devastating. The birth of Isaac and his upbringing as a child should have been marked by nothing but I imagine his birth brought all kinds of insecurity to Hagar and Ishmael. Their fears are confirmed when they are sent away with just some bread and a skin if water. Yet The Lord saw them and heard their cries and rescued them.

Gen 22:
God give me the kind of faith and obedience that will allow me to place everything on the altar for you.

Read that the place Abraham was to sacrifice Isaac is probably the same mountain Jesus was crucified on. In light of that this verse is extra awesome.

So Abraham called the name of that place, "The Lord will provide"; as it is said to this day, "On the mount of the Lord it shall be provided." (Genesis 22:14 ESV)

Thank you Lord that I was provided for and everybody in this world was provided for on that mountain. May eyes and ears be opened and hearts soft to the good news that your son Jesus provided for us all.

Gen 23:
Sarah dies and Abraham purchases land from a Hittite in the land of Canaan to bury her.

Gen 24:
Taken by how much faith Rebecca had in this chapter. She was a hard worker and trusted God enough to leave the comfort of her family and go off with strange men so that she could be the wife of a man she had never met. That my friends is hardcore!


DAY 1240: GEN 18-20

I don't much feel like doing this today. No real reason other than wanting to check out and not have to use my brain.

Speaking of lazy I locked my keys in my car AGAIN! I used to do this all the time in college. I feel like I'm hitting my brain wall. I've been forgetting stuff left and right. I obviously need a secretary. Maybe there's a voodoo oil to help with brain rot.

Not sure how to write about this but heart hurting for one of my kiddos who struggles socially. I don't even know if I would put it that way but his little heart has been bruised a bit. He doesn't get the same encouragement from adults the way some of my others do either. He's just a harder kid to get to know but he's truly a wonderful little stinkpot. Spurred on to be that kid's biggest fan and often I'm not. I get weary of his constant out of the box antics. My hubs nailed it the other day. That kid just has a contrarian spirit. It's not a bad thing necessarily and can be great if redeemed for The Lord. In the meantime it's sanctifying and frustrating as it would be nice for him to just do what I say once in awhile.

Struggling with a different kid in another. I hate writing this but his character flaws repulse me. He doesn't repulse me and I think he's a great kid but the things he struggles with send me over the edge. His intensity is fierce and I know it will indeed be a beautiful thing one day but for now it's a total whip of sanctification. God help me to love these amazing and beautiful kids you have blessed me with well. I am a selfish beast and I desire for this parenting gig to be easy. I am so outnumbered Lord and on any given day the needs and wants of my children and our household can be so overwhelming. Help me to breath life into my children and not sweat the things that don't matter. Give me your eyes to see them for who they really are. Give me wisdom on how to help them and walk along side them in their weaknesses and encourage them in their strengths. Help me to get over myself. Help me make my yes, yes and my no, no. Give me abundant crazy grace and crazy love that can only come from an out pouring of you. Thank you for this amazing crew. I thank you that they along with my many weaknesses help keep me tethered to you. I thank you that I don't have a number of kids that I think I can do well solo. I thank you that you are never overwhelmed, tired , grouchy, or weary. I thank you for loving me as imperfect as I am and being faithful to not keep me where I'm at. There is growth God and for that I give praise and thanks to you. Forgive me when I think it isn't fast or good enough. You have me right where you want me and I rest completely in your Sovereignty. 

Gen 18:
A lot happens in this chapter but these two verses are key to me:
So the men turned from there and went toward Sodom, but Abraham still stood before the Lord. Then Abraham drew near and said, "Will you indeed sweep away the righteous with the wicked? (Genesis 18:22, 23 ESV)

"Then Abraham drew near". Those are such simple words but they are key to the relationship between Abraham and The Lord. Lord help me to choose to draw near to you. I know that you are always drawing near to me and yet often I choose not to draw near to you. May our relationship be marked by deep and meaningful intimacy.

Gen 19:
This chapter is so incredibly hard to read. This one unfortunately resonated with me:

But they said, "Stand back!" And they said, "This fellow came to sojourn, and he has become the judge! Now we will deal worse with you than with them." Then they pressed hard against the man Lot, and drew near to break the door down. (Genesis 19:9 ESV) 

The mention of Lot appearing as a judge or passing judgement rings so eerily true nowadays. God help me to not be like Lot and grow complacent in being salt and light. Father give me boldness to share the gospel!

Gen 20:
Abraham back to his old sister tricks. Sarah had obviously reached menopause or at least I think so and the dudes were still hot for her. That's some serious game.

On a serious note, both Abraham and Lot were knuckleheads and yet The Lord showed them much favor and grace. He loves us so incredibly much!!! Blows my mind!


Tuesday, January 07, 2014

DAY 1240: Hebrews 11 & Matt 5:1-12

Up at 6:30 but back down at 7:30 till 8am. The Bit was up a lot last night and even serenaded me with her squealing last night. Love that sweet little thing. Really want to get this rising early thing to take but if I'm honest I would just rather get more sleep than have to try to rely on God to help me slug through some exhausting days. Always goes back to trust. Do I truly trust Him to be my everything? Sadly often I don't.

Fun day. Felt like two days shoved into one though. Saw my mil off this morning then went to join friends who treated us to going bonkers. So incredibly sweet. Then headed to WM for pizza. Now I'm crammed into a sardine can of a bed with six wonderful offspring. These kids are getting big and their numbers are growing. It won't be long before not everybody fits on the bed for slumber parties with Momma. That will be a sad day.

Hebrews 11:
Faith Hall of fame. Read this morning and the sound of sleeping children is making my eyes heavy.


Monday, January 06, 2014

DAY 1239: GEN 15-17

Up an hour later than I wanted to be but at least I'm up. Rough night last night. Hubs was up last night in the middle of the night reading his bible. I don't take that lightly as I know it's a sight that not only blesses him but our family as well. Thankful.

Sweet Joshua looked like a truck had run over him by the time I got him from church last night. Oh plague how I hate thee. How does one get sick when you've been shut in for weeks? Ah the random one offs to the grocery store with dad. That's how it happens!! Love that this little guy would go to the moon and back with his daddy. I by the way was a total jerk when we got home. My mission to get Motrin down my sweet boy as fast as possible felt like it was being blocked and I was rude and unloving in the process. I would totally be the mom going ballistic that their kid wasn't getting their medicine at the right time in the hospital. Hopefully I'll never have to test out that theory.

Gen 15:
Love how this chapter starts off.
After these things the word of the Lord came to Abram in a vision: "Fear not, Abram, I am your shield; your reward shall be very great." (Genesis 15:1 ESV)

I also love how authentically Abram tells The Lord about his heartache of not having any children. God wants to know these heartaches. Glossing over our true hurts in an attempt to be spiritual can be dangerous. God explains to Abram His plan for Abram to have numerous descendants and Abram believes The Lord.

And he believed the Lord, and he counted it to him as righteousness. (Genesis 15:6 ESV)

The last half of the chapter Abram offers sacrifices to The Lord and God reveals more of what will happen to him and his descendants in the future.

Gen 16:
They are so tired of waiting for God's promise to come to fruition. Sarai comes up with a plan to produce Abram an heir. I don't think their plan was out of a heart to be disobedient but rather out of getting carried away with the circumstances that they could see. They chose to walk in front of God instead of with Him. I'm so guilty of this.

I'm more convinced than ever that God gives clear answers if we are willing to listen and be patient. The patient part is so hard. God wants us to know and to do His will. In the lack of an answer the solution is to be still and wait for The Lord. Need to get that tattooed on my face.

Gen 17:
Love the intimate conversation between The Lord and Abram now Abraham. I never understood why Abraham laughing about having a son was different than Sarah laughing. But here God tells Abraham exactly what is going to happen. Surely he spoke to Sarah about this before the three visitors arrived three months later. Sarah laughs because she not only thinks the idea is preposterous but she also doesn't believe the same way Abraham does.

God help me to get a bigger view of you. Help me to take you out of the box that I often shove you in and to not view my circumstances as limitations to all that you can do.

BrownTown Academy back in swing today. Oh how the little bits add an interesting challenge. Challenge or not I'm so thankful that I get to teach them.

Joshua woke up a new boy. Think that kid just has an ear infection. Going to give it a few days to see if it goes away . Hate pouring antibiotics down their throats for ear infections.

Today we watched a video of the Kimyal tribe get bibles translated into their own language. Oh the joy and celebration they had over it. I take it for granted every single day that I have access to the bible in several different formats and in all kinds of different translations. In my excess I take so very much for granted. I hate that my excess and comfort prevents me from experiencing God to the fullest.


Sunday, January 05, 2014

DAY 1238: GEN 12-14

Up at 6am. Set my alarm at 7pm thinking I would snooze for an hour then try again. Strangely bright eyed enough though I'm in a dark room full of sweet ones sawing logs. I guess that's what happens when you are asleep before 11pm. Imagine that.

This morning I'm thankful for a man who gets up at a freakish hour several times a week to work, to be trained and to partner with community to continue to grow. Love that bearded man beast.

Loving the quiet and the sounds of sweet ones sleeping. So blessed.
Fell asleep while praying. The darkness and intoxicating sounds got me! At least it was a good try. Tomorrow is another day.

Rough morning with one of my more stubborn offspring. Great kid and I know redeemed for The Lord that intense and unyielding quality will be beautiful. Until then it's a sanctifying beating.

Gen 12:
It's pretty sweet to see Abram's struggle with trusting God in this chapter and knowing where his faith grows eventually.

Say you are my sister, that it may go well with me because of you, and that my life may be spared for your sake." (Genesis 12:13 ESV)

I get Abram's battle with relying on self preservation rather than dependence on The Lord. Praying that one day I too learn how to not rely on my own understanding but draw strength in The Lord.

Gen 13:
Love Abram's humility in this chapter. There is not enough land for Abram and for Lot. Abram has every right to pick which land to take and yet he forfeits this right and gives first pick to Lot.

Gen 14:
Lot is captured and Abram goes to rescue him. I love Abram's loyalty to his nephew Lot. He never turned on him even when Lot's herdsmen were fighting his own.


Saturday, January 04, 2014

DAY 1237: GEN 10-11

Tomorrow is going to be a rude awakening. My hubster back to work and I'm kicking off early to rise. It's been a good extended Christmas Vacation. I wouldn't have planned it with all the sickies but so good to be together regardless.

Fired up so many gals in my CG have taken on some pretty awesome scripture memory goals and to have a partner to memorize the Sermon on the Mount with. Looking forward to seeing how God uses all the truth He hides in hearts this year. It did occur to me that another great reason to memorize scripture is that even if it's one day taken away what is hidden in my heart will always remain.

Gen 10:
Ham's lineage is full of people who don't have stellar records. Oh how beautiful a legacy a heart turned in full surrender to Christ can be. The reverse can be true as well.

Gen 11:
Oh pride how far you make man fall. The men of Babel descended from Ham believed they could make a tower to reach the heavens and make a name for themselves.

Then they said, "Come, let us build ourselves a city and a tower with its top in the heavens, and let us make a name for ourselves, lest we be dispersed over the face of the whole earth." (Genesis 11:4 ESV)

I'm beginning to understand more and more why The Lord detests pride. In our pride we say to The Lord we don't need you, I am fine to be my own god. When pride runs thick we fail to see that we are poor in spirit. God help me to keep my eyes focused off of self and rather place them on you. Crush my pride Father and help me to see my desperate need for you!

Second half of this chapter follows Shem's lineage to Abram. If I can find the time I'll do the math from Shem to Abram.


Friday, January 03, 2014

DAY 1236: GEN 6-9

Feels good to wake up and be eager to dive into God's Word. I know this will change next week as times get much earlier and lounging in bed to read while a hot hubs makes breakfast no longer happens. Regardless I am so very thankful today for this gift. My time is already being cut short due to stirring girls but so glad to have a shift in priorities.

Gen 6:
The contrast of the following verses stand out loud and clear to me:

Heart without the regeneration of The Lord:
The Lord saw that the wickedness of man was great in the earth, and that every intention of the thoughts of his heart was only evil continually. (Genesis 6:5 ESV)

A heart walking with God:
These are the generations of Noah. Noah was a righteous man, blameless in his generation. Noah walked with God. (Genesis 6:9 ESV)

Again I'm reminded of the importance of walking WITH God. Enoch and Noah. They didn't just walk in the general direction of God they walked with Him. This dependence on The Lord is what I miss out on in my battle with self reliance. I do have hope that The Lord is slowly but surely chipping away at that self reliance and changing it to dependence on Him.

Over the year I can look back and see MS and how He didn't just give us an answer but rather told us to keep walking forward instead. A week in a hospital with the Bit and having to put that precious baby up on the altar and experience a week of closeness that I've yet to be able to match. Adoption and not knowing what will come of this. The heart longs and yet I'm to wait and to follow. My dang fertility and this one folks is a difficult one. I'm to trust Him and not try to manage or to control. Oh how I want to white knuckle this bad boy but I'm being lead to trust Him and walk with Him. I'm tired of holding that card in my hand anyway. The trying to prevent, fear of it not working, looking at the age difference between my hubs and I, how much weight I have to loose, how much in the groove I feel after newest babe. I'm over it! God will do what He wants to anyway!!! I'm choosing to just walk. I pray that more and more will be placed in His hands as I walk with Him.

Gen 7:
This chapter reminds of how God's timeline often doesn't match ours. Sometimes what is promised happens immediately. Other times God uses a long process to prepare our hearts for the grand adventure. Waiting expectantly can be so difficult. As the years tick past it seems as if what is promised will never come to fruition. Yet God is faithful and He always keeps His promises. Walking with God in the little things prepares our hearts for walking unwaveringly in the big things.

Gen 8:
But God remembered Noah and all the beasts and all the livestock that were with him in the ark. And God made a wind blow over the earth, and the waters subsided. (Genesis 8:1 ESV)

In the midst of a wait it can seem as if God has forgotten us. Oh how terribly cramped and difficult the wait must have been. Yet even so once Noah was out of the ark his heart chose gratitude. He offered a sacrifice out of a sincere heart. 

I often shake my fist at God for the periods of waiting for the flood waters to recede. Even with things that don't cause a flood I can shake a fist at The Lord. The first thing out of my mouth when the MS thing was over was "what the heck was that all about". Now looking back I can see numerous ways that God used that time of uncertainty to bless, strengthen and grow. I am so very thankful. I wish like Noah my first inclination would be to offer praise. 

Gen 9:
-God commands Noah's clan to be fruitful and multiply
-God reinforces that man is made in the image of God
-a covenant is made and the sign of the rainbow is given.
-Ham violates his father. Now knowing that Ham "looked" at his father in a lustful way or even possibly raped him this passage takes on a whole new meaning. Ham was saved due to his father's righteousness. This is huge as a parent.

Sick Bunny and grumpy Lil Bit lead to another very slow paced day. Pace may be slow but never a dull moment around here.

Really digging the book I'm reading on the Sermon on the Mount. Love how the author framed how Blessed are the poor in spirit sets off everything. The sermon in the mount is what our lives should look as Christians yet it is a to do list we can never attain without the transforming grace of Christ. 

Paul says it well in Romans 7:
For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh. For I have the desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry it out. For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I keep on doing. (Romans 7:18, 19 ESV)

We are poor in spirit. We absolutely can not attain righteousness apart from Christ. I can do nothing good apart from Christ. I can't attain anything from the Sermon on the Mount apart from Christ. Cease striving and remain.

Snuggled up with my two girls and realized how incredibly fast we are moving through seasons with my big girl. She is no longer a baby anymore and she isn't even a precious toddler all about princesses anymore either. Today it's Littlest Pet Shop and American Girl but one day that too will be over and before I know it she will be on to something else and a preteen. Oh my! Encouraging every last bit of Bella's love of Minnie Mouse. I know I'll blink and it will be on to something else. Lord let me relish the every single day I get with these precious ones.


Thursday, January 02, 2014

DAY 1235: GEN 3-5

Woke up after 9am. Going to be in a world of hurt come Monday but soaking up every last bit of Christmas Sickcation. Speaking of sick I think we have finally broken every lingering fever! Coughs are still hacking but maybe, just maybe we are finally on the way up. I feel like the kid funk I have is wanting to burrow deep in my lungs but it's all good.

Gen 3:
It's interesting to me how satan uses discontentment to lead us astray. Eve in the beautiful garden of Eden with all she could have ever wanted and satan slyly sneaks in reminding her of what she can't have. The hiss "God is not enough" begins to make our hearts wonder if there is more out there that could provide even more satisfaction.

If satan is bent on causing dissatisfaction in me, it seems the most logical weapon is to have a heart bent towards gratitude. If I actively seek out how my heart can rejoice and give thanks for the blessings in my life it's harder for discontentment to get its hooks into my heart.

Rejoice in the Lord always—again I will say, rejoice! (Paul's Letter to the Philippians 4:4 TLV)

Paul tells us twice to rejoice in this passage. Listen up people, rejoice! No really REJOICE in The Lord always.
God please continue to open my eyes to the multitude of blessing that you have given me. Let not the evil one use what has blessed to be what turns my heart away from you. Help me to give thanks and rejoice in who you are and in your vast love for me. May my eyes not be set on my circumstances that are merely temporal but rather fixed on what you have done for me on the cross.

Gen 4:
In this chapter we see how jealousy, pride, murder and deceit have begun to cause havoc in the created. Yet even so people are still content calling on the name of The Lord. If sin is thick in those who call on His name I can only imagine the chaos that ensues when people begin to walk away from The Lord.

This chapter is just a great reminder of why it is so important to maintain an active relationship with The Lord. My tank needs to be filled up by Him so that I'm not easily lead astray by the schemes of the evil one.

Gen 5:
We are shown a peek of the lineage leading up to Noah. Every time I read this chapter it's hard to take my gaze off of Enoch. Oh that I might walk faithfully with The Lord all the days of my life.

Heart heavy for a sweet baby girl tonight. It's apparent God has her but oh how my heart aches. Parents that should love sometimes reach desperate places. Heart aches for them as well. It would be so easy to call them monsters but they are just sinners in desperate need of God's grace just like I am. Without grace whose to say I wouldn't be in their situation. Without Jesus I am depraved down to the core. There is nothing good that lies in me apart from God. I must always remember this as it helps keep pride from swelling up within.

My book of the month is Studies In the Sermon on the Mount by Martyn Lloyd Jones. It's so good. It has helped to set straight in my head the grace vs the law debate. Grace abolishes the law because once we fully understand grace our hearts desire to be righteous without a need for the law. Grace compels us where as the law alone can be compulsory.

On another note, in my haste to soak up some quiet time this morning, as half of the troops were gone, I failed to eat breakfast. The afternoon rolled around and my blood sugar dropped and I was ravenous. This is when I normally would shove all kinds of sugary substances down my throat in order to satisfy my hunger. It's been a really bad cycle for me lately. In order to avoid this I need to be vigilant to take the time to proactively eat. Just for the record I don't miss a meal to be a mommy martyr it truly is out of laziness. I've always been that way. It's not worth it to me to take the time or make the mess in order to make something just for myself. Need to get over that or I'll never get a good grip on this food thing.

Kids still up. Tomorrow is going to be fun!


DAY 1234: GEN 1&2

Not doing Philippians going to take down Sermon on the Mount instead. 365 days for 111 verses. Oh yes!


Wednesday, January 01, 2014

DAY 1234: GEN 1&2

Still working through and praying for what this year should look like but so far this is what I want to focus on this year.
1. Tear down idols. There are two I'd like to focus on this year the ievil and food. 

2. Fighting prayer apathy and revitalizing prayer life. I have struggled with prayer apathy for years. It's time to take this struggle and stare it down hard in the face. Purchased a book on prayer and figuring out a prayer journal of sorts to help destroy the apathy.

3. Encourage others and walk in humility. This is my goal for this year. When I look back on 2014 my hope is that I can see how The Lord helped me to encourage others and walk in humility. 

4. Strengthen body and mind. Regular exercise at least 3 times per week and read at least a book a month. 

5. Declutter & Organize. I stink at this but now with six kids limited space and a lack of domestic game I have got to take some ground in this. I don't have a crazy game plan but I am reading some books on this, going to commit to praying about what areas to tackle, and not allowing a lack of skill or perfectionism to keep me paralyzed in this any longer. 

6. This is my BHAG: memorize Philippians. I have battled with scripture memory and what to memorize and I have such a desire to memorize this book. I love Paul and his letters and this one in particular spoke to me so much as I finally was willing to offer up everything as a living sacrifice. It was soothing balm to my soul as I struggled so much with shame and guilt over my past. Ever since I saw Janet Pope recite the entire book as if giving a speech I've wanted to do it. 

7. Looking to change how I'm reading this year and going to dive into the Daily Walk Bible.

For not being a goal writer or goal oriented at all that felt good!! Game on 2014!! May Christ be glorified!

Phone about to die. Quick recap of Gen 1 & 2:

Ch 1:
Biggest thing that stands out is the order that God puts Into creation. It's either for a functional purpose or to reflect His beauty and majesty. In regard to my own domain I should seek out eliminating things that do not serve a functional purpose or things that do not reflect beauty. Lord help my domain reflect function, beauty and have an aroma of love and joy.

Gen 2:
Lord create in me a suitable helpmate. Help grow this quality in me as I love my hubs selflessly. Give me eyes to see areas I can encourage, sharpen and come along side the man you have so richly blessed me with.


DAY 1233: JOEL 2

Crazy how much things can change in a 12 hour period. Last day of 2013 started off with a bang. Got puked on during breakfast. We're packing yet another bug. Funny thing is we've been fairly isolated due to the other bug we had so no clue where we picked up a puke bug. This wasn't exactly how I planned to spend my hubsters time off but not upset by it. In fact this morning I was able to embrace it with much gratitude this morning.

Can't say the same for tonight. I'm frustrated that I could not get a single thing done today. It feels like I can't ever get a single thing done. I know it's a season but laundry doesn't wait for a season. Dishes don't wait for a season. Clutter doesn't stop cluttering for a season. It's do or die in a family of eight. Oh how to balance the temporal with the eternal. It is such a struggle! My sweet hubs said such encouraging words tonight. I know he's right but in my flesh I just want to experience accomplishment with something I've done with my hands and I can see with my eyes. Even with my tight clenched fists and my frustration I'm so thankful for this season of refinement. Oh how deep my selfishness runs and how much my contentment hinges on circumstances.

Joel 2:
Judgement mixed with love, grace and mercy. Tis a crazy wonderful and beautiful thing!

Will have to hit on goals for 2014 tomorrow or the next. Counting this coming Monday as my roll out date.