Wednesday, April 30, 2014

Re: DAY 1350: 2 CHRONICLES 33-36

Completely off my game today. Cannot get my slothly self in gear. Beautiful day with tons of possibilities and I'm still in pj's. Maybe I ran so hard the last couple weeks and now with no target on the wall I'm floundering. It feels gross and wonderful all at the same time.

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Got outside to head to ReEngage and everything changed mood wise. Oh how I love spring weather. It's like a breath of fresh air. Loved laughing and being silly with my kids on the way to church.

Wish that stayed through the night. Abbie cried for me tonight and I was annoyed. I know I'm all messed up because of lack of sleep. With the Bit and Well I'm struggling to stay ahead of the sleep curve.

2 c 33-36
Really taken aback by some of these chapters. Again the bible testifies to the beauty of a humble and contrite heart. It's beautiful. Hard to fully grasp the depths of God's grace for us.

D

Tuesday, April 29, 2014

DAY 1349: 2 CHRONICLES 29-32

Going to try to seize this time while my boys are entertaining a cute Barry Boy. Lilly didn't get the memo that momma needed to wake up freakishly early and wanted to play in the middle of the night. Exhausted and physically run down from an aller-cold I know I need to sit still and be quiet. I want to shove chocolate in my face so definitely beginning to see feeling tired triggers the desire to emotionally eat.

Well is going pretty good. I'm still one of the last and slowest but felt good to finish in the middle of the pack on a run. Not as sore as last week and I'm beginning to realize I kinda like that feeling of worked muscles. Really can tell how run down I feel trying to push my body to do things it doesn't want to. Very thankful for this process.

Really munching and chewing on Psalm 127 today. Interesting how closely it's themes are to Haggai and how much it relates to motherhood. We will never be satisfied as mothers if we don't seek out the only one who can truly satisfy.

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Wore out! Cussing a lot in my head today. It's 7pm and I'd be so happy to just fall asleep right now. Half of my family is out at the park. One minion chose not to do his chores and someone had to stay back with him. I'd love to use this time for just him and me but this kid has to learn. He just can't skate by on everything. Better for him to learn now than for him to experience even harder consequences later.

Cute little stink pot baby is finally asleep. Poor sweet girl has had a difficult time sleeping, thank you teeth, and as a result had been a fussy pants. Love my Bit but thankful she is asleep now! The exhaustion and the fussiness really got to me today.

A friend wrote that she felt busyness had creeped upon her making things difficult with house and friends. Oh how I can resonate with that. Keeping up with meal planning, housework, school, friends and everything else feels so incredibly difficult. I talked to a mom of 9 kiddos and she said it will always feel that way and yet I will get better at it over time. The better you get the more you realize what is left to do.

2 C 29-32:
Hezekiah . Such great stuff here!! Even with his awesomeness Hez messes up pretty big. If anything I'm learning that we all mess up big time. Yet The Lord can redeem even our biggest mistakes!

D

Monday, April 28, 2014

DAY 1348: 2 CHRONICLES 22-28 & HAGGAI

Today was kinda chaotic and our house is chaotic but my hubs got to build things with his manly hands to help organize us and I got to make an outline for Friday. Feel good about having something and look forward to mulling over scripture and hanging with JC to put meat on its bones. Praying already against pride. I want to enjoy Friday but I don't want it to be about me for God knows it's so not about me. I do know my prideful heart can be so deceitful and wicked. Praying I'll bomb on Friday if the temptation to be puffed up will be too much. Read too much about how pride caused the downfall of men following after The Lord. I know I'm prone to be self reliant and prideful. Thankful The Lord is faithful to work and change this heart of mine.

Up at Shelter with a friend and getting a chance to withdraw. My daily diverting has not been enough. I need extended time, bible open, pencils out, time to munch and crunch. Thankful The Lord is answering my prayer to deeply desire time with Him. I desperately need The Lord.

Haven't looked at SOTM in weeks. Need to jump back on it. I will memorize it!! Praying my prayer life will also be revitalized, that God would breath His breath of life into it and be a beautiful time for the two of us and with others.

Thinking about two friends going through surgery tomorrow. Praying for a speedy recovery and doctors whose hands are led by The Lord.

My time is winding down as people from Open Group in Shelter are coming out. Thankful for today and for this time.

D

Sunday, April 27, 2014

DAY 1347: 2 CHRONICLES 21

Camping trip didn't ended beautifully like I envisioned. Home a day earlier and everyone suffering from pollen poisoning. Thankful for the fun times but also thankful to be in my bed tonight. Sleep was extra rough this trip.

2 C 21:
Been realizing a trend of how important the role of wife and mother truly are. May I live up to my role and glorify Christ.

D

Saturday, April 26, 2014

DAY 1346: 2 CHRONICLES 19-20

Ragged from pollen and wind but so thankful for the gift of today.

2 c 19-20:
Love the consistent theme of The Lord fighting for us. We don't need to fight back or defend ourselves, The Lord has it covered fully and completely.

D

Friday, April 25, 2014

DAY 1345: 2 CHRONICLES 17-20

Another rough night last night with my sweet Bit. Looking like another ear infection. 

Fun day camping. Loved tonight watching kiddos run around, sweet Mommas love on their babies and dads hang out. Love love love camping!!!

2 C 17:
Oh Jehoshaphat how you are a breath of fresh air. 

Love this verse:
His heart was courageous in the ways of the Lord. And furthermore, he took the high places and the Asherim out of Judah. (2 Chronicles 17:6 ESV)

The first part of this verse if just beautiful to me. May my boys grow up to be courageous in the ways of The Lord. Beautiful verse to pray over all of my children. 

2 C 18:
Still not sure why Jehoshaphat tried to make an alliance w/Ahab.

Fading

D

Thursday, April 24, 2014

DAY 1344: 2 CHRONICLES 13-16

Wired. Good wired but wired none the less. Got about 3ish hours of sleep last night. As the hours ticked by I prayed the hours I did get would count. Thankful for answered prayer. Maybe my problem all these years has been too much sleep. Bah! We'll see how I am tomorrow.

Starting to like the feeling of sore muscles. It's been a looong time. Exercise is good for my soul. I forget that. Thankful for real live warm bodies as accountability and opportunity for growth. Need to get this food thing in check but that will be in the works soon.

Have I ever mentioned how much I love camping? It's hard first time out of the gate for the season but so incredibly worth it. Lots of disrespect from offspring today. Makes me incredibly frustrated especially when we put forth a lot of effort to have fun together as a family. Oh sweet wonderful sanctification. Thankful to be out of the norm and get to enjoy God's creation!

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Feeling desperate for time with The Lord. Again I hate how this comes at the very last part of my day and on my phone. Oh how much more the words come alive when read from an actual page.

The blessings of humility and the dangers of self reliance all over this tonight. Think The Lord is trying to tell me something.

D

Wednesday, April 23, 2014

DAY 1343: 2 CHRONICLES 10-12

Driving home tonight solo, which is a rare treat, I realized how incredibly ragged and weary I am from rushing from here to there. Then I realized I could listen to any music I wanted to. Windows down I tried hunting for something and then I prayed that I would find something. Feel lame praying for music but I did. I almost gave up and then stumbled across some Led Zeppelin. It transported me to more care free times and my old self. I prayed again being real that at times all of that does still seem appealing but I know the death that follows. I got separated from Les in the big van and then got caught up with them. I smiled as I rolled closer to our ridiculously huge van filled with my wonderful husband of ten years and my six offspring. There are times when it is nice to only have to worry about myself even if it's just a brief car ride but I'm so thankful for the 7 other amazing people The Lord has so graciously blessed me with as family.

I'm still always blown away that God cares about the little things. He cares so much that He would even gift me two Zeppelin songs back to back and give me a few moments of care free windows down and foot on the dash. The truth is that He wants me to experience much more care free moments than burdened moments. I've just been too busy rushing around trying to take care of things and people and to do lists that I've failed to enjoy the gift of today and to seek God's will for my day. I've been on my own plan. None of it has been bad things except for the junk I've been eating. If I've learned anything self reliance plus compromise is a really bad mix in the long run.

I have had so many other thoughts today but 5:15 is so very early, there is still a ton of packing left to do and I'd like to spend some time with my hubs on our ten year anniversary.

2 Chron 10-12:
Oh Rehoboam. Knucklehead listened to the council of young fools instead of wise older council. He must not have listened to the Proverbs taught by his Pops. This is the beginning of the end and the tribes of Israel are split because of the unfaithfulness of Sol and Reho.

D

Tuesday, April 22, 2014

DAY 1342: 2 CHRONICLES 6-9

How refreshing this extended time has been while my eye lids are still fully up! Thank you Billy Blanks Jr for helping my kids to get a workout and thank you Wild Kratts for extending my time and being a carrot on a stick for ALL of them to exercise hard. Oh how much I needed this time. So incredibly thankful. 

Since my time is waning rapidly I'll hit the highlights of my time today.

Chapter 6 is eerily prophetic as Sol prays to God. It's not surprising as I feel the Holy Spirit often guides our words, our hearts, and stirs our affections if our hearts are willing. 

It really hit me how much the speed of the leader affects the followers. When Sol was zealous for God the people were. We he allowed compromise to slowly set in and cause his heart to drift the peoples heart did the same. My level of obedience not only affects me it affects my entire crew that God has placed under me. This is why I must be diligent to weed out compromise and self reliance. 

I can see this sin clearly in Solomon's life and it's two of the things I struggle with the most. Nothing Sol does at first seems blatantly evil but he strays from what God has commanded. He amasses horses, chariots, marries foreign women including Pharaoh 's daughter. He keeps dipping back into Egypt's well when The Lord has clearly commanded Israel not to do so. Eventually he turns aside to false gods. Worldly prosperity does Solomon no favors. 

Here's another thing that really stood out from this verse:

Thus King Solomon excelled all the kings of the earth in riches and in wisdom. And all the kings of the earth sought the presence of Solomon to hear his wisdom, which God had put into his mind. (2 Chronicles 9:22, 23 ESV)

Solomon had the world as his stage . Everybody was watching him and everybody was amazed. If only he had fully lived out Hebrews 12:1

Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, (Hebrews 12:1 ESV)

He was surrounded by a cloud of witnesses and yet self reliance and compromise set in. Oh how much more impact Solomon could have had on the world. Yet The Lord is Sovereign. God reveal to me the sin in my life that so easily entangles. I know food and exercise are big ones. Rising early is another. I thank you for yet another opportunity to lean into you and practice self discipline. Help me to trade in my self reliance for more self discipline. Help me to train my mind and my body to obedience to you.

I love the verse that follows in Hebrews 12. 

looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God. (Hebrews 12:2 ESV)

Help me to keep my eyes fixed on you Jesus. You are the author and perfecter of everything may my faith be one of those things. May I cling to the cross and embrace the grace that you so freely extend and yet may I not use grace as an excuse to go on sinning. 

Hebrews 12 continues on with not growing weary and the beauty of the Lord's discipline. Not surprising at all is the appropriateness of all of this. 

Lord I could carry on forever but I have sweet ones who are growing restless. Let me not grow weary of training them and doing the good I ought to do. The days are oh so long Lord but my time with them is so incredibly short.

D

Monday, April 21, 2014

DAY 1341: 2 CHRONICLES 1-5

First day of Well. I'm exhausted. All kinds of exhausted. Legs still wobbly. I came in last today. I expected as much. Jumping rope and peeing all over myself had me unnerved. It. Was. Awful. Simply awful. I don't know how I'm going to mentally push past and stay focused. I'm going to be so tired and sore tomorrow. This evening I'm hating obedience and yes I do feel as if this is an act of obedience. Not sure if it counts though if I've been eating Robin's Eggs in defiance. I'm thankful. I really am but I'm going to whine the entire 12 weeks through.

Bit talking up a storm and all I can think of is how desperate I am for some uninterrupted time. I hate that God has been getting my very last drop but the uninterrupted time simply has not existed lately. I don't want to make that an idol but I sure do fill dry. The days have been exceedingly full lately. 

Crazy to hear about yet another couple gals who came to Shelter because of a ReEngage testimony. Sweet beautiful redemption. Humbled by it all and thankful. Neighbor went to shelter again this week. Love her and so very proud of her. 

Got to text chat with a friend today and she shared her desire to teach others about Jesus. Love to share that heart felt desire with such a great gal. Tonight at Shelter I was reminded of the vision I had the first semester I went through of me speaking or teaching to a group of people. I had full confidence in who I was in Christ. Oh how I longed to be that person. The Lord has done great and mighty things in my life and for that I am very thankful. Who knows if I'll get to teach some bible on a regular basis like that or not but regardless I'm thankful for all He has done. I need to be faithful to continue to teach the ones He's so graciously given me to teach.

2 Chronicles 1-5:
Details about the temples construction that I just can't fully take in. It hurts my head too much! Lots of rejoicing once the temple is complete with so many sacrifices that the number of animals can't be counted. Where did Israel's zeal for The Lord go? It aches my heart knowing just how far they will fall. Lord help me root out the Robin's Eggs in my life that keep me from a fullness of life with you. Help me to be bold and ruthless at cutting out the distractions and the little things that slowly but surely eat away at the passion and love I have for you. Give me an unquenchable desire to spend my time with you.

These are my favorite verses of the chapter:

and it was the duty of the trumpeters and singers to make themselves heard in unison in praise and thanksgiving to the Lord ), and when the song was raised, with trumpets and cymbals and other musical instruments, in praise to the Lord, "For he is good, for his steadfast love endures forever," the house, the house of the Lord, was filled with a cloud, so that the priests could not stand to minister because of the cloud, for the glory of the Lord filled the house of God. (2 Chronicles 5:13, 14 ESV)

Love that the priests couldn't minister because of the cloud of glory filling up the temple.

Oh 5am comes way too quickly!

D

Sunday, April 20, 2014

DAY 1340: 1 CHRONICLES 28-29

I have toddler feet in my face. Ah the imperfect quiet time! Thankful for my quiet time wreckers.

Hate to say this but I'm thankful Easter is over. It has been a looong week. A great week but long. Today was good too. I was really thankful both of my neighbors could go to the Easter service at the same time. It was great staying in pj's this morning. I have a cold or my allergies are being extra special with my gluten gluttony this week. I feel run down and dumpy but the Robin's Eggs were so delicious today!

We did out first Seder Dinner to celebrate Easter this year. It turned out pretty awesome and I'm excited that it will be the first of many in our home.

Snapped at a kid again today. Ugh!!! Thought he was destroying stuff but he was actually just trying to help. Regardless if he was being the king of destruction or not I hate my response. Not an excuse but thinking this just points to my exhaustion and my need for some time alone with Jesus. I know I'm physically whooped due to allergies and eating like poo. Why do I do this to myself?

Tomorrow starts hell, I mean well. 12 weeks of torture and early mornings. I'm thankful but I know it's going to kill me. My hubs laughed the same laugh I do when I know the sanctification is going to be brutal but oh so good at the end.

1 Chronicles 28-29
David passes the torch onto Solomon. David has given Sol plans and material means to build the temple of The Lord. David thanks God from whom all blessings flow. He tells Sol to be strong and courageous and urges Sol as well as the people of Israel to obey the commands of The Lord so it may go well with them.

D

Saturday, April 19, 2014

DAY 1339: 1 CHRONICLES 22-27

So tired. Feel like I'm coming down with the Bits cold. Good and not so great day rolled into one. Two neighbors came with me to church. Awesome. One feels pretty distance after making some good strides. I'm so sad about it and in the same breath I'm rejoicing at the budding friendship with another. 

Kicking myself for being a jerk to my kids today. Three separate incidents deeply sorrowful for gross words, lack of gentleness and lack of compassion. I was tired today after being up with the Bit in the middle of the night and I was more concerned about controlling my kids than training them. Bleh. Definitely in need of a weekly withdraw. Can tell my tank is running low. Thankful for the amazing reminder that I get to live under the banner of it is finished.

Today I realized that I am feeling triggered and fearful of having three boys and two little girls. Going to have to be diligent to lay that fear at the foot of the cross. 

1 Chronicles 22-27:
Goodness my head is spinning with all the names and divisions and lots cast. Lots of details in these chapters. Love that God is in the details!

This theme is repeated so much in the OT:

Then you will prosper if you are careful to observe the statutes and the rules that the Lord commanded Moses for Israel. Be strong and courageous. Fear not; do not be dismayed. (1 Chronicles 22:13 ESV)

Great to drill into my kids, especially my boys. God help me not to fear. This verse was such a gift tonight.

D

Friday, April 18, 2014

DAY 1338: 1 CHRONICLES 17-21

Good day. Feel like I missed reflecting on today. Glad I got to slow down long enough today to go to the church service today. Oh the great sacrifice He made for me. I scarce can take it in. Why I don't reflect more on Jesus and the cross amazes me. It's the balance and the grounding I so desperately need. All the pressing and important things completely fade away in comparison. Oh to get the right balance of lingering and doing. I've been so hungry to linger.

1 Chronicles 17-21
David wants to make a house for The Lord and God's covenant w/David. David's military conquests and the crazy census.

Zzzzzz

D

Thursday, April 17, 2014

DAY 1337: 1 CHRONICLES 7-16

Good day overall. I do feel like I "checked out" a bit to try to get mostly caught up on the daily walk bible. The pace of 1 Chronicles is kinda kicking my tail. I would love to spend uninterrupted time curled up with my colored pencils and my bible but this season is not affording much of that kind of time right now.

I also took time to fill out the WBS study survey. I figured out while doing it that I just don't like bible studies. It's not just that I don't want to follow somebody's plan. I've followed join the journey for a year and I'm really enjoying the daily walk bible. Bible study questions over all just feel like busy work. It's more of a burden to me than a help. Even with the daily walk bible I don't read the intro unless I've read first. I don't want to be predisposed to what somebody wants me to draw out. I want to see what God wants to show me. I assume pride, arrogance and not liking being under others authority is mixed into all of that. In my ideal "bible study" we would chat about all that The Lord is doing in our lives and discuss all that we are gleaning out of the text we are reading. We would marvel at God's Sovereignty and encourage each other and pray for one another.

I do feel like I miss out when there are always people who are ready to bust out the "a friends a friend forever" and think this group and this study were the best ever!!! I'm a prideful, somewhat cynical and critical beast. I just want to do things my own way and I don't want to have to follow anybody's silly rules. Wonder why my kids just want to do things their own way and don't want to listen and obey my silly rules? Oh sweet wonderful perspective and beautiful sanctification. Obviously I need another six pack of kids to tame this raging pride.

I've struggled lately and at other times wanting the "right" answer in regards to discipling my children's hearts. The one obvious thing I could do better at is consistency. That will be a struggle in all areas of my life for the rest of my life. I'm learning to embrace that more. I've made the "right" answer an idol. There's not a right answer and frankly nobody knows my kids better than God, my hubs and I. I keep wanting this divine lightening bolt revelation but maybe the path that Les and I are on and the things we talk with our kids about and choices we make in parenting are being lead by Him. I want the lightening bolt. I don't want to mess it all up. Not messing it up often becomes more important than just walking with The Lord.

It's interesting to me how God is revealing just how much I fear failing. I struggle with perfectionism it's just not the pretty kind. My perfectionism is the lazy kind so it looks very opposite from perfectionism, it's non functioning. Behind that is just fear.

This morning I tossed and turned stressed out about being late to this workout thing that starts on Monday. In my half awake / asleep nursing state I wanted to write an email saying I'm dropping out. I want to drop out because I'm afraid I'm going to mess it up and come late and others are going to have to pay the penalty for my tardiness. I'm also afraid that it's going to kick my booty so hard I'm going to want to drop out. I've started and not finished too many things. I want to finish strong the things I commit to.

Fading... 1 chronicles 16 my favorite chapter out of this book so far for so many reasons.

D

DAY 1336: 1 CHRONICLES 3-6

Wrote this last night but only sent it to one person. It was so very thought provoking too.
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So much today but after catching up with my hubs and reading 4 chapters of genealogy I'm whooped.

Check check checkity check for today. Wish I had more gas in the tank.

D

Monday, April 14, 2014

DAY 1335: 2 KINGS 20-23

Homeschool whooped me today. This year is the most sanctifying year yet. I feel as if I'm in the most difficult years for many reasons. Today I'm thankful that a pencil in the eye was not as horrible as it sounded.

Shelter tonight. Neighbor came with. Hoping she will come back next week. A gal in my group told me I was the reason she was there because of the ReEngage testimony my hubs and I gave. Humbling.

Frustrated for friends who are in the middle of CPS yuck. The system can be so broken. Thankful for when it works but hate that it can go so awry. Thankful that The Lord is Sovereign over all of it!

2 K 20-23:
Hezekiah to Manasseh to Josiah. It's amazing how much The Lord delights in a humble and contrite heart. That theme is repeated over and over again in the book of Kings.

So tired....

D

Sunday, April 13, 2014

DAY 1334: 2 KINGS 18-19

It feels like it's 1am. Sad night tonight. Kiddos were to talk about something that has happened that is hard. Heartbreaking stories from such little girls. Jesus come quickly.

2 Kings 18-19:
I simply can not keep my eyes open.

D

Saturday, April 12, 2014

DAY 1333: 2 KINGS 13-17

At Chicken Scratch in date night heaven. Feel like I've been transported to Austin. Come on Watermark Austin!!! Actually not sure I could ever go back. (Around a group of people who swear as much as I used to back in the day. They don't like the f-bomb as much as I used to though.)

House cleaner than it's been in a long time and lots of laundry done today. Thankful for the reset even if it will be destroyed by tomorrow.
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It's official I'm ready to move to West Dallas! I love the gritty. Reminds me so much of St. John's Portland. Maybe one day for reals.

Can't get over how great tonight was. Fun to meet real people and have new drunk friends. So incredibly thankful that chapter of my life was wrapped up before I met my hubs. I wish it had never started but I reckon if it hadn't I wouldn't understand it. So thankful God can redeem every last bit of our stories.

My neighbor is bringing a friend to church on Sunday. It occurred to me how much impact she could have on the people she knows. More impact than the average Joe could have that's for sure. Thankful for her enthusiasm to dive in. Can't wait till her story is in the WM news someday!

New neighbors in the White House on our street. There has been two families there since our friends Dan and Erin lived there. Don't want to waste anymore opportunity. Thankful to be in a spot where I don't feel completely overwhelmed. I don't have things neatly buttoned up but thankful to have margin to start the ball rolling with at least some cookies or something. Looking forward to getting something started with my sweet friend across the street this summer with the gals on our street.

2 kings 13-17:
Love reading the same thing my hubs is reading. The conversation surrounding our greatest love has been incredibly sweet. Thankful for this season The Lord has brought us to!

Thankful for a sweet friend who date swaps with us and loves on our kiddos so my hubs and I can get some time away together. Full heart tonight.

So tired will have to unpack these chapters another day. Sad day for Israel. :(

D

Friday, April 11, 2014

DAY 1332: 2 KINGS 13-

Good full day. Took my sweet girls to get haircuts today and because I failed to make appointments ahead of time we had several hours to kill. Abbie's dream come true! I went into an actual Justice today. Abbie loved it and I wanted to barf. Proud of her though for being so wise with her money. That girl gets so many things that a lot of grown people don't understand.

Thankful that my slackeritis actually paid off well and gave me bonus time with my sweet girls. It was interesting not getting a single comment about having my hands full and instead got oohhhs and ahhhs. I will fully admit just having the girls was a total cake walk. If I only had three girls I'm sure it wouldn't feel that way. Still can't believe I have THREE precious little girls. I didn't think I would have two girls much less three! So very thankful!

Sweet night with oldest and littlest at a church thing. Thankful for our church and the sweet gals that pour into the children's ministry. So glad I got to spend so much time with my big girl today. We both really needed that!

Abbie ran off to see her BFF tonight and I got to hear the heart of a really sweet ministry that was being held at WM. I've seen the video and out of the ashes has come such impact and beauty that is being forged through a ministry that is all over the country and even in other parts of the world. I got choked up hearing about it. The Lord can use EVERYTHING for His glory. Seeing the ministry set up made me miss my CAMP Camp. Thankful to have spent two summers even during the height of my depravity to spend working with kiddos with special needs. Those kiddos impacted me in ways I don't even have words to express. Thankful for that sweet spot in such a dark era of my life.

2 Kings 13
Bummer but falling asleep.

D

Thursday, April 10, 2014

DAY 1331: 2 KINGS 9-12

One of my prophetic friends knew what would be in this post today. I'm itching itching itching! Thankfully my skin is not yet on fire. :) I've been living it up in gluten town this week and my joints are ANGRY. There is no denying it now. Gluten equals arthritis pain and achy muscles. At least I know what I'm doing to myself as I stuff my face full of gluten. Next week is going to be a very rude awakening on so many levels.

The Bit has a pretty nasty ear infection which explains a few things. Hopefully I'll be back to sleep central in a few days.

Good day out and about and hanging with friends at the park in the afternoon. Oh how I love the two weeks of spring we get every year. Too bad the pollen is going to force me to move someday.

2 K 9-12:
At this point there is just craziness going on in Israel and in Judah. Jehu is anointed as king of Israel and there is a blood bath as he fulfills the prophesy The Lord passed down to Ahab through Elijah.

Jehu zealously destroys Ahabs lineage as well as the Baal worshippers. 

And he said, "Come with me, and see my zeal for the Lord." So he had him ride in his chariot. (2 Kings 10:16 ESV)

Unfortunately Jehu's zeal only carries him so far.

But Jehu was not careful to walk in the law of the Lord, the God of Israel, with all his heart. He did not turn from the sins of Jeroboam, which he made Israel to sin. (2 Kings 10:31 ESV)

Zeal without the direction of The Lord is wasted. I can be terribly guilty of this. It doesn't take much to get me fired up. The Lord created me with extra doses of zeal and passion (aka drama). That's great but getting fired up for fired ups sake and not walking in obedience does me or anybody else absolutely no good. 

Itchy and scratchy is going to bed.

D

Wednesday, April 09, 2014

DAY 1330: 2 KINGS 4-8

The Bit started crying the moment I sat down at the kitchen table with my bible. Trying really hard to sit down with a physical bible instead of the bible on my phone. There is something about having a physical book that really makes things come alive.

I struggled today. The attitude from one, defiance and battle over every single thing from another, whining all day from somebody else, loud singing, talking, giggling while trying to teach from a small fry and baby cling on wore me down today. Not a single thing was easy today. It was beautiful today and all I really wanted to do was sit at the park all day long.

Didn't The Lord know I didn't feel like going through the sanctification process today. This actually reminds me of the story of Naaman in 2 Kings 5. Naaman wants to be healed but when Elisha doesn't even come out to greet him and then a servant tells him to dunk in the poo filled Jordan 7 times he's ANGRY. I so get Naaman. I want to be more like Christ. I want to know The Lord more. I want to do all these things yet I don't want to go about it the way The Lord has planned for me to go about it. I want easy street. I don't want to bath in the crap filled river. Yet it's in the poo and the trials and the hardships that we indeed are healed. Lord help me handle these days of trudging uphill in the poo filled muddy waters with much grace, compassion and love. Help me to except each day with its challenges and simple delights with joy. Help me to bury my idol of comfort and ease. Help me to trust, to lay down my agenda, my plans, my hopes and dreams to fully embrace what you have planned. Lord your ways are so much mightier than mine. Your plans are always so much more miraculous and wonderful than mine. Help me to surrender over my will and instead take upon yours.

If they will have us we will be joining a co-op next year. My oldest extrovert is over the moon excited. I'm thankful we can figure out a way to make it work. My oldest was up and I told her I had a surprise to tell her in the morning. When I told her she was disappointed at first. When I asked her why she said she was hoping I was going to tell her I was pregnant instead. As much as having baby siblings has taken away time from her she still embraces every single one with such joy and gladness. Thankful for her heart.

Starting next week for twelve weeks I'm going to get my lazy out of shape butt kicked. I kind of want to cry a little. Yet this is answer to prayer. I've got to do something and this slacker needs some accountability. The beautiful thing is I've also wanted to consistently start my day earlier and this indeed will also help accomplish that goal. 5:30 you never looked more beautiful! Oh self discipline how I loath you yet so desperately desire to have more of you!!

Knocked some more cobwebs off of SOTM. I'm about to get passed so I need to get my buns in gear. Slow and steady wins the race. I will be devastated if I don't stick to this goal. I don't know why exactly but I will be. Maybe it's simply the fact that I just can't face another failed set goal. It's the fear of failure that keeps me from setting them in the first place.

2 Kings 4-8:
After a draining day this is exactly what my soul needed. If only I had started off with it. How much better would my day have been? How can I read about Angel armies and be discouraged by toddler pee all over the house or having to deal with poo drama from another? The blocked goals would have seemed like nothing in comparison. An army of people on horses and chariots surrounded the city Elisha was in and they were there for HIM and it did not phase him. That double portion opened his eyes, his ears, his mouth and his heart to know fully who The Lord was, His love and His power!

Reading these chapter I couldn't help but realize just how much The Lord cares for us. He is daily providing for us and His miracles are all around us if we known Him well enough to see them. He cares about us. He cares about the big and the little things. He is not after our perfection but rather our devotion.

In celebration of the butt kicking I'm about to endure next week I drank a beer and ate a snickers. Both were good but neither came anywhere close to the greatness of these chapters tonight. Better than the finest meal. Thankful to drink in deep tonight!

D

Tuesday, April 08, 2014

DAY 1329: 2 KINGS 1-3

Started the day off late. So need to get my buns up and at em and a cup of coffee down my gullet so I can tackle the day. Had a puking boy this morning but he was eating by the afternoon. Now he's up and talking about everything under the sun. Love that obstinate little stinker.

Good times with some gals I feel like I haven't seen in awhile. Excited about the possibility of our kids getting to do co-op together and the possibility of teaching some middle school or high school students. Teaching may not pan out but definitely been itching to teach some bible. I figured as long as I'm itching I might as well start teaching my own progeny. Had kiddos bust out their bibles and we torn apart John 15 a bit. I know I'm probably above their heads a bit but it was good! I didn't get to everything I wanted today with a puking kiddo but the things I did get to were great things. 

2 Kings 1:
In this chapter I'm reminded how beautiful a contrite and humble heart are to The Lord and how far a humble spirit goes with others. A posture of humility saved a captain and his fifty men from sure destruction.

This verse goes through my mind when thinking about Elijah:
He said to them, "Because of your little faith. For truly, I say to you, if you have faith like a grain of mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there,' and it will move, and nothing will be impossible for you." (Matthew 17:20 ESV)

Elijah raised a dead boy to life, cast down fire from the sky and boldly spoke truth to kings who would have loved to put Elijah to death. He was in tune with God enough to hear His voice in a quiet whisper. It was because of this relationship with The Lord that gave him the kind of faith that moves mountains.

2 Kings 2:
Elijah and Elisha what a kick butt duo. Goodness! Both part waters and both boldly proclaim God's truth. Elijah is taken up in a chariot of fire. Talk about going out with a bang. Elisha asks for a double portion of the spirit upon Elijah. This is Elijah's response:

When they had crossed, Elijah said to Elisha, "Ask what I shall do for you, before I am taken from you." And Elisha said, "Please let there be a double portion of your spirit on me." And he said, "You have asked a hard thing; yet, if you see me as I am being taken from you, it shall be so for you, but if you do not see me, it shall not be so." (2 Kings 2:9, 10 ESV)

How awesome it would be to have a double portion of the spirit of The Lord upon you! But what a huge responsibility. The lives of the prophets were not easy by any means. What a wonderful yet difficult thing to be so boldly used by The Lord.

2 Kings 3:
Ah digging the trenches. How hard to dig the trenches when you have walked the desert for seven days. Lord give me the courage and the strength to dig my own trenches in the desert so that you may refresh my soul.

D


Monday, April 07, 2014

DAY 1328: 1 KINGS 18-22

Up with the Bit. Everyone else still snoozing. Looking forward to diving in!

My sweet oldest boy is up. He went to grab his bible too. Crazy blessed to be that boys Momma!
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Well the boy who grabbed his bible wanted to also talk about stinky toots and other various things so this did not get done bright and early. I like recapping my day at night better anyway.

Good day with family at the Perot. Haven't fully reconnected with my hubs yet which is a bummer but understandable. He's exhausted and I imagine reentry is not a bowl of cherries. It's strange being away for whatever reason and missing your family yet getting back into the family groove can be difficult. I myself need to hop out of self reliance mode and into together mode. So crazy easy for me to slip into being the queen of self reliance.
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Got to chat some with my hubster so thankful for that time with him. Love that man! So thankful for him!

Sweet time tonight with the girl I'm mentoring. I'm thankful for her as I think she is going to be great at teaching me how to be a good mentor. She is great at asking for exactly what she needs and telling me when she needs to meet. I'm such a horrible administrator that I think I fail people by not just setting up meetings ect. I'm full of great ideas but I stink at execution and follow through. Anyway, I think this will help as I think through mentoring people in the future in either just setting up the meeting times in advance or if they are capable putting it on their plate to let me know when they want to meet. If I mentor someone like myself setting up times in advance will help. Needless and want less people don't know how to communicate what they want or need.

Good times at Shelter tonight too. It's funny, I never thought in a million years at the start that I would ever say such a thing. Tonight was interesting seeing joy mixed with incredible brokenness. I got to hear a gal speak who I got to meet at the first open group shelter ever had. She has come so far and her actual countenance has changed dramatically. Beautiful transformation. Tonight I also saw the walking dead. I recognize them because I too once was a walking dead person. I'm so thankful for Jesus. Oh how He rescued me for the pit of hell. I'm thankful He loved me enough to bring me to the end of myself.

1 kings 17-22:
I heart Elijah. His story is so compelling and so interesting. The first time we meet Elijah he is telling King Ahab that it won't rain again until Elijah gives word for it to rain. Then The Lord tells him to go to a stream where ravens will feed him. Ravens are bringing the man food how can you not be instantly drawn into the story of Elijah's life. In the midst of the wonder of ravens feeding Elijah I'm reminded once again that The Lord will provide. He will provide in every single circumstance. He will provide for those sweet women I was with tonight at Shelter, He will provide for me, my hubs and my children IN everything.

We go from ravens to one of my favorite stories in the bible. One that speaks so much to me in motherhood. The widow is out gathering sticks to bake the last loaf of bread for her and her son and prepare for death by starvation. Elijah bids her to make him a loaf of bread first and tells her she will not run out of food. In order to be apart of the miracle that is about to happen she much reach in deep to draw out the last of the flour and pour out the very last of her oil. Only after she has gone in to use it all does she discover that her flour jar never goes empty and her jug of oil never runs dry. We can boldly pour out all we have as a living sacrifice trusting that what He provides will never run dry or run out.

Things are going fine with the widow, her son and Elijah until the boy gets sick and dies. All is forgotten about the flour and the oil. Without The Lord intervening the widow and her son would have been dead.

Tragedy comes and this is the widows response:
And she said to Elijah, "What have you against me, O man of God? You have come to me to bring my sin to remembrance and to cause the death of my son!" (1 Kings 17:18 ESV)

I remember in Portland how my idea that if I did A, B and C then God would do X, Y and Z. That is so not how The Lord works. Following the call of Christ doesn't mean your child will not die.
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Falling asleep. Thankful to have woken up and been chewing on these chapters all day.

D

Sunday, April 06, 2014

DAY 1327: 1 KINGS 15-19

So tired. The Bit has been struggling with teething or an ear infection or something and the nights of extra special interrupted sleep are starting to stack up.

The singing rambunctious toddler next to me finally threw in the towel to fall asleep. Thank goodness!

Head hurts pretty bad so not sure I'll be able to string many coherent thoughts together. Here goes nothing:

1. I've missed my hubs this weekend. Thankful after hardly seeing him at all this weekend I'm reminded about how much I miss him. I take being able to have him home and enjoy his company for granted. I really like my husband a lot.

2. Honor and privilege to be able to hear a sweet friend's inventory tonight. Love how God uses all things in our life to work together for our good.

3. Heading home tonight I put the Bit in her car seat and I was hit with the last time the little van had been parked in the same spot and I was getting Lilly out of her seat she had been bluish with a whooping cough/apnea fit after just getting released from the hospital. I forget how hard that time was. God was so faithful through it all.

4. Fired up for a rockstar who smashed some marAthon booty today!!! It sounds horrible but I kinda want to do one just to have such a beautiful picture of running the race.

1kings 15-17:
Worked the historical record to king Ahab in Israel. For the most part the record of the kings is just a sad state of affairs. Most have worshipped false gods and totally done whatever they wanted running from The Lord completely.

Love the intro to Elijah. Till tomorrow on that though!

D

DAY 1327: 1 KINGS 15-19

So tired. Bit has been struggling with

Saturday, April 05, 2014

DAY 1326: 1 KINGS 12-16

Missing my hubs but today was a good day. Sat at McDs today so long that we managed to eat two meals there. So disgusting but time well spent. Got some good solid time digging into 1 Kings and time chatting and coloring with my girls while the boys ran out some of their endless energy.

We came home and then had a Spy Kids Marathon that we are just now finishing up. They are kinda weird but have some good themes within them. Never saw the first one so probably would have helped to understand some of the parts. Kids camping out in the living room tonight. Hope some memories were made and time without dad redeemed. 

We have a crazy full plate till after Easter. Praying for my hubs as he's been going nonstop this week and I know things will continue at a frenzied pace till after Easter. Even in the midst of insanely long days at work and being in the mix with other stuff he has served me well. Thankful for him. 

1 Kings 12-16:
I still have two chapters to read but want to get thoughts out before hubs is home. There is so much chaos that is going on in these chapters. Deuteronomy 17 lays out the guidelines for a king before Israel even moans and complains for one. 

These verses are so key:
"When he sits on the throne as king, he must copy for himself this body of instruction on a scroll in the presence of the Levitical priests. He must always keep that copy with him and read it daily as long as he lives. That way he will learn to fear the lord his God by obeying all the terms of these instructions and decrees. This regular reading will prevent him from becoming proud and acting as if he is above his fellow citizens. It will also prevent him from turning away from these commands in the smallest way. And it will ensure that he and his descendants will reign for many generations in Israel. (Deuteronomy 17:18-20 NLT)

Starting with Saul it was never mentioned that he rewrote the scroll in front of the priests and read it everyday. How much of his sin could have been avoided if had? Same with David. Dude, don't have so many wives!! Obviously Deuteronomy 6 was floating around in David's head often either. David loved the Lord whole heartedly and possessed so much humility. Without the ever present word of The Lord he got lost in the smallest of ways which eventually lead to Bathsheba and the death of Uriah. Same thing with Sol until his son Rehoboam and Jeroboam chose to completely do their own thing. It's so incredibly sad. The thing I keep coming back to is how important it is to be immersed in God's Word every day. 

So much more but fading...

D

Friday, April 04, 2014

DAY 1325: 1 KINGS 9-11

Today was a good day. This morning at the Nest was so good. The talk was about intimacy with God and was loaded with sweet stories of how God has shown up in the most amazingly tangible ways. Filled up my tank in so many ways. God is so good all the time.
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My exhausted hubs going to load the dishwasher. That is so  smokin hot!!! So incredibly thankful because I know as tired as I am he's got me beat with his 4:30am wake up call in Friday morning and he has a good 16 plus hour gig tomorrow as well. Then he gets to get up and do it all over again on Sunday. I'm exhausted just thinking about it.
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Good times spent together as a family this afternoon. Met a sweet gal and her family at North Haven Nursery and it was so obvious God was all over it. She goes To WM but just recently moved here. I've been the new kid at three churches. Once single, once married no kids and once w/kids. Definitely harder once offspring are involved. I will never forget pitching a fit about never having friends again and moments later meeting a precious friend who went to WM, lived right next to us and had a sweet boy Pickle's age. He is so sweet to meet us right where we are.

The crazy thing to me about God's sweetness is that I've only just begun to understand a small fraction of who He is and how generously He bestows His blessings on us. It can be so hard for me to understand God's ways because they are so vastly different from the ways I operate. Praise God for this fact alone!!

Ch 9:
God appears to Sol a second time and tells Sol of the lasting covenant The Lord will establish through the line of David IF Sol will walk with The Lord and obey His commands. God also reveals what will happen if Sol chooses to chase after other worthless gods. 

Here are a couple things that stood out:

1. Sol gives King Hiram 20 towns in the land of Galilee. Hiram thinks they are worthless BUT regardless it doesn't seem that Sol should be giving away the Promised Land to anybody. The Lord gave for His people NOT their allies. I don't know much about Tyre and it's history ect so I could be talking junk right now BUT it seems as if Sol is in bed with Hiram a little too much. In other words, Sol is depending a lot on his allies rather than waiting on The Lord to provide. 

2. Sol loves his horses and chariots but God has said no.

He built towns as supply centers and constructed towns where his chariots and horses could be stationed. He built everything he desired in Jerusalem and Lebanon and throughout his entire realm. (1 Kings 9:19 NLT)

He's rich why not? This is why not...

"The king must not build up a large stable of horses for himself or send his people to Egypt to buy horses, for the lord has told you, 'You must never return to Egypt.' (Deuteronomy 17:16 NLT)

3. Instead of driving out the inhabitants of the land which Sol was perfectly capable of he used them as forced labor instead.

There were still some people living in the land who were not Israelites, including Amorites, Hittites, Perizzites, Hivites, and Jebusites. These were descendants of the nations whom the people of Israel had not completely destroyed. So Solomon conscripted them as slaves, and they serve as forced laborers to this day. (1 Kings 9:20, 21 NLT)

Ch 10:
The Queen of Sheba comes to visit Sol and helps feed the green monster of pride.

"When he sits on the throne as king, he must copy for himself this body of instruction on a scroll in the presence of the Levitical priests. He must always keep that copy with him and read it daily as long as he lives. That way he will learn to fear the lord his God by obeying all the terms of these instructions and decrees. This regular reading will prevent him from becoming proud and acting as if he is above his fellow citizens. It will also prevent him from turning away from these commands in the smallest way. And it will ensure that he and his descendants will reign for many generations in Israel. (Deuteronomy 17:18-20 NLT)

Thankful that God's Word can help keep is grounded and can perform the heart surgery necessary to help keep us humble. 

The chapter goes address the great wealth king Sol amasses. Immediately after in Ch 11 it talks about the many wives Sol had.

The king must not take many wives for himself, because they will turn his heart away from the lord. And he must not accumulate large amounts of wealth in silver and gold for himself. (Deuteronomy 17:17 NLT)

Boom.

Ch 11:
This chapter just stinks. Sol chases after foreign women against the instruction of God and in his old age turns his back on The Lord. This is flat out painful to read.

The lord had clearly instructed the people of Israel, "You must not marry them, because they will turn your hearts to their gods." Yet Solomon insisted on loving them anyway. He had 700 wives of royal birth and 300 concubines. And in fact, they did turn his heart away from the lord. (1 Kings 11:2, 3 NLT)

Lots of patterns of generational sin in the OT. David struggled with lust and Solomon his son took it to a whole new level. Pretty humbling to think that the junk I struggle with if left undealt with can be gift wrapped and passed on down to my children. Praying Les and I are cycle breakers. 

The end of chapter 11 talks about two of Sol's enemies the Lord allows to rise up and be a thorn in Sol's side.

D




Thursday, April 03, 2014

DAY 1324: 1 KINGS 8

I'm a hot grumpy mess. Hungry from not planning well, itching from head to toe from being outside and two minions are still up even after being sent to bed "early" tonight. Seriously going on 3.5 hrs now!!!

Good day up until about 5:30. I ran face first into a wall and since the Calvary didn't come home till late tonight it was not very pretty. I'm thankful it's been awhile since I've gotten to this place of being done with my children. They are great kids but darn they sure can suck you dry.

Homeschool thing today at the park. It was good times with friends and watching my minions sell and barter things. There were definitely the homeschool stereotypes but also regular looking folks. All of them incredibly nice. I just need to embrace the inner nerd or the weird. Tromping around with six kids automatically puts me in the weird category anyway.

1 Kings 8-11:
I think it's official I get so much more out of reading from a physical bible. I knew I loved real books for a reason.

Ch 8:
Freakish amount of sacrifice done, so much in fact that it couldn't be counted. The glory of The Lord fills the temple and it's so intense that the priests were unable to do their work. Sol prays and in his prayer foreshadows everything that will go down between God and His People. It's really eerie and yet at the same time super cool. It's as of The Lord but those words in Sol's mouth to intercede for the future of the Israelites.

Fading fast. Should not have jacked around before doing this and should not have eaten M&MS last night. Poor choices. Thankful that tomorrow is a new start.

D

Wednesday, April 02, 2014

DAY 1323: 1 KINGS 5-7

I think the Bit has an ear infection. Not sleeping well and constant nursing at night with ear rubbing. Good times. Will try garlic oiling her up. Oh how I love this sweet little baby.

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Okay day. Heavy at points. Talk at BS was slightly triggering and chat with a friend and escalating stuff in their marriage sat like stone in my belly.

Wish I had connected more with my kiddos tonight but Bit wasn't cooperating much and then I got wrapped up in all kinds of random including jeans on sale and homeschool for next year. I ate pizza tonight out of sheer laziness. Bit and I will both pay for it later. Stink! I hate food!!!

Feeling Eeyorish tonight. Might go eat some worms.

1 Kings 5-7:
Tried reading this in the AM but had the same problem I'm having tonight, I can't keep my eyes open. I'll be honest I wasn't excited to see what chapters I was to read today. It's about the construction of the temple and Sol's palace. Details wear me out. This wasn't what I wanted to read. This unfortunately is the posture and attitude I can often take with God. It's a consumer mindset on what I can get from God rather than just being willing to be quiet and still and sit at His feet. I want the chocolate cookie He's holding in His hand rather than just Him. Oh how fickle my heart can be.

Struggling to stay awake...

D

Tuesday, April 01, 2014

DAY 1322: 1 KINGS 1-4

Tried to get up this morning but kept falling asleep when the Bit wouldn't let me leave w/out fussing. Got to pray off and on though so that's good. Such a beating to get my body to do the good it ought to do.

Pretty good day. No poop incidents which have been plentiful lately so today was a total win. Found out we have two options for Costa Rica. Go this year sans Lilly Bit or go next year. Costa Rica 2015 baby!!! Thankful for their graciousness on this. We did nothing to earn this trip and it's really sweet the way they have been willing to get us to Costa Rica. Hoping we can get away for at least a few days to celebrate ten glorious years. God's been so sweet to have us give our testimony recently. He has brought both of us a long ways and very thankful to celebrate the ways He has knit our hearts together and in the same direction. So sweet to wake up and know my husband was already up spending time with The Lord. So thankful for the ways he has been wholeheartedly pursuing Jesus. It's a blessing I don't want to take for granted.

Struggling with a certain kiddo lately. There's always one I'm completely at a loss with. My flesh hates it but it's so good to keep me tethered to Christ. I don't know what to do with this kid to reach his heart. At times I feel like I get glimpses and feel like I'm accomplishing something but most often I feel like I'm just shouting at the wind. I do confess that I want instant gratification even in parenting. I don't want to keep busting up ground in order to prepare fertile ground. I feel as if I should see results quickly. I know this isn't the case with most children but this one in particular. Yet I know The Lord has created that kid for greatness, for His glory. So I must not get weary of doing the good I ought. I must be faithful to do the good I've been called to and trust God to do the heart work necessary. In the process my own heart gets to be sanctified. Can't argue with the way The Lord does things. It's always so much better than the best of my plans.

1 kings 1-4:
Two things stood out to me today.

The throne holds much temptation. Saul clings to what eventually no longer is his and is rightfully David's. Absalom tries to take what is not his and later his brother Adonijah does the same. As long as their is opportunity for power and control people will vie for their piece of the pie.

Aren't we just like Saul, Absalom and Adonijah though? We struggle with relinquishing control of our lives and desire to sit on the throne. For me it's not just in my life as a whole but the pride that I carry believing that if I just ran such and such it would be so much better. I may not be clutching for control BUT my heart lies in the same sinful condition. I want the power and control not only of my own life but of other aspects around me. This is why The Lord detests pride so much. David never white knuckled the throne but was willing to receive it and have it taken from him as The Lord desired.

Lord help me to place you on the throne and learn to humbly walk under your headship, my husbands and under the authority of those you have places me under. Give me a realistic view of who I am, a sinful wretch in desperate need of your grace and let me glory in the fact that I am a redeemed daughter of the King. Let me not boast in anything other than in you alone.

The other thing I see is how tricky sin can slowly trickle. Sol marries Pharaoh's daughter. On the outside it seems to be a perfectly acceptable alliance yet The Lord warns and commands against such things. Do not marry their daughters or their sons.

Sol also has tons of horses which The Lord has also warned against. God doesn't want the king to gain confidence in their own ability to uphold peace and defeat their enemy.

On the outside these two things along with marriage to hundreds of women seems appropriate for a king. Yet it does not benefit Sol in the long run.

Paul's words are echoing in my head tonight:

"All things are lawful," but not all things are helpful. "All things are lawful," but not all things build up. (1 Corinthians 10:23 ESV)

What are the things in my life that are lawful for me to do but are not beneficial? I'm sure there are lots of things. I pray that God continues to reveal these things to me. It's the small things that can turn into huge landslides. I don't want to give the devil a foothold.

D