So many thoughts swirled through my head today. Not enough brain power left to unpack them today. Things feel very uncertain and up in the air right now. There is no road map that tells us the correct way to travel or how we should get from point A to point B. Only time and space can reveal what lies ahead. It's one day at a time for right now.
For a long overdue day with family without a fury of heart wrenching and adrenaline inducing phone calls or texts God has been gracious to us.
For mostly good health for every member of BrownTown God has been gracious to us. We could be figuring out the ropes of epilepsy right now.
For coming home from the Heard with pervasive sadness surrounding my heart and finding needed supplies from the grocery store, flowers and clean laundry on my front step God has been gracious to us.
For a sweet friend who made lunches for the kids and I tomorrow when making them myself seemed like an insurmountable task God has been gracious to us.
Through friends who organize and deliver meals God has been gracious to us.
For being able to cling to hope knowing that God can make what feels impossible into a possibility God has been gracious to us.
I feel as if God may beckon us to actions that may be harder than anything else we've ever done before. The thought of the death of self that might be required in the future feels like an insurmountable task. Yet God is faithful and He will never leave us nor forsake us. For today He is inviting us to grieve with Him, to allow Him to help us carry the burdens that seem to swallow us up with anger and grief. Today He beckons us to sit and rest at His feet.
I can almost see what would most glorify God in this chaotic, complicated and grief filled situation. It's strange. I see the homerun which seems impossible at the moment and yet I feel compassion and great understanding if the homerun does not occur. He holds together all the moving parts and in that I have hope. My God can heal the wounded and He can make beautiful things out of the dust. The fact that I find much comfort and joy out of those truths is yet again another way The Lord has been gracious to me.
Deliver me from sinking in the mire; let me be delivered from my enemies and from the deep waters. Let not the flood sweep over me, or the deep swallow me up, or the pit close its mouth over me. (Psalm 69:14-15 ESV)