Found out this week that we had brought home quite the souvenir from Costa Rica. I've been hesitant to share the news as it's been hard to celebrate in the midst of everything else. At least that's part of the reason. I almost didn't tell my husband for the first time because I feared what could happen. When the bottom feels like it's falling out it's just easy to feel like everything else is going to fall out with it. We told the kids this afternoon. This evening I started spotting and tonight I'm certain we won't ever meet this sweet gift this side of heaven. It feels like a cruel joke amidst everything else. I don't understand and yet I can still say with certainty that my God is good.
Today I'm thankful for the tangible reminder of God's Sovereignty and His goodness through the precious gift of a friends adopted daughter. She has been a bright spot in my sorrow and today God's plan and His goodness were impossible to ignore. I can't only accept the Lord's plan when it's beneficial to me. I must accept the blessings and the heartache with open hands. He gives and He takes away. Who am I but a mere vapor to question the God who laid the foundations of the earth? I don't know how much longer the bottom will continue to fall out but I do know that He will neither leave us nor forsake us.
This is the verse of the day:
Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer. (Romans 12:12 ESV)
I do rejoice in renewed hope today. I wrote last night that my hope felt like it was dashed to pieces. I knew there was fault in my thinking as I wrote that but didn't correct it in order to be fully honest in how I was feeling. Hope is not based off of our circumstances. If hope was then it would be nonexistent in the darkest circumstances. It's hope that helps us get through trials and tribulation. I pray hope helps me to be patient during this time of tribulation. It will not always be like this. Light will break forth from darkness. Restoration will be accomplished one way or another. This season will end and another will begin. God's in it all. This is not the end of the story.
This morning I woke up with this verse on my mind:
The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still." (Exodus 14:14 NIV)
Another translation says "you only need to be silent". Still is what I will choose to be. Convenient since I'm just weary of the fight. I don't want to have to plead my case. The Lord knows. He sees and He hears all. He will fight for me all I need to do is be quiet and still.
Let my vindication come from you; may your eyes see what is right. (Psalm 17:2 NIV)
For a sweet friend coming over to watch kids and clean our house and once again take our laundry, God has been gracious to us.
For the perfect timing and reminder of God's goodness and faithfulness through a precious baby girl God has been gracious to me.
For sustaining me and hiding me under the shelter of His wings God has been gracious to me.
For precious friends who are willing to sit in it with me for better or worse God has been gracious to me.
For the gift of eternity spent with Him God has been gracious to us.
For this precious life that we will one day meet and for the six precious ones here on earth with us God has been gracious to us.