I don't even know how to describe today. I woke up this morning feeling like I wanted to vomit. That continued for most of the day. I switched at one point from nausea and sorrow to absolute rage. The way things have been handled has only poured gasoline on the white hot fire of my rage. I swear I could melt metal with my fury. Just thinking about it again has rekindled those same emotions. Jesus is going to have to perform a miracle because I simply do not see how all the pieces can ever go back together. If they do all the glory goes directly to Jesus.
I hate this world that we live in. Saw so much brokenness today. Saw a movie with my sweet brownies and I'm so disheartened by the culture they are going to have to grow up in. The moral decay feels as if it is growing exponentially. It feels as if evil is winning tonight. I know this is not true but things feel so incredibly heavy tonight. I groan and ache for heaven. Jesus. Come. Quickly.
The Lord continues to be gracious during the storm.
For a plan and a new avenue to direct energy towards God has been gracious to us.
For free tickets to a movie which provided a great distraction, laughter, and time together as a family God has been gracious to us.
For a sweet friend who watched our kiddos all day and fed us God has been gracious to us.
For an unexpected delivery on our doorstep from a thoughtful friend The Lord has been gracious to us.
For an amazing husband who has picked up so much of my slack because I'm simply not functioning all that great the last several days The Lord has been gracious to us.
For the friends who are praying for us and have sent sweet words of encouragement along the way The Lord has been gracious to us.
For the truth of the verse of the day and for believing it whole heartedly The Lord has been gracious to me.
Oh, taste and see that the Lord is good! Blessed is the man who takes refuge in him! (Psalm 34:8 ESV)
This psalm feels so fitting tonight.
Your wrath lies heavy upon me, and you overwhelm me with all your waves. Selah (Psalm 88:7 ESV)
I don't feel like like God's wrath is pointed at us. I do know the current chaos and darkness we are in The Lord has allowed it. I don't get it but I know that He will see us through. I don't feel like God has abandoned us but I do feel those waves continue to come, one right after another. I do ache and groan for heaven.
Eyes lids closing. Praying for rest. It's not been good lately.