I keep wondering how long I'm going to not be fun to be around. I feel like I'm a living breathing example of Ecclesiastes. Meaningless, meaningless, everything in life is absolutely meaningless. I hate apathy and yet I feel like I'm walking in a wasteland full of it.
First real day back to school since Costa Rica. It was full of snake handling, baby tornados, belligerent ankle biters, insane messes and we wrapped things up with a call to poison control. But tonight as I type this the bigs are doing their required reading to listening siblings and my heart is incredibly full. Oh the joy and bliss of homeschooling.
Couple things stood out to me.
But when I thought how to understand this, it seemed to me a wearisome task, until I went into the sanctuary of God; then I discerned their end. (Psalm 73:16-17 ESV)
Asaph is troubled and as he tries to understand things that appear to be injustices on his own all he does is grow weary. But when he goes to The Lord he finds answers. It's my grasping at straws, all it does is cause my soul to become weary.
When my soul was embittered, when I was pricked in heart, I was brutish and ignorant; I was like a beast toward you. (Psalm 73:21-22 ESV)
This certainly rings a bell with me. Love the verse that follows though. It gives me hope.
Nevertheless, I am continually with you; you hold my right hand. You guide me with your counsel, and afterward you will receive me to glory. (Psalm 73:23-24 ESV)
Regardless if I am beastly to The Lord while my heart is embittered He is still with me and will never leave me or forsake me. That is so comforting!!!
As disenchanted as I may become I am thankful that this is still true to me:
Whom have I in heaven but you? And there is nothing on earth that I desire besides you. My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever. (Psalm 73:25-26 ESV)
I am embittered but regardless I know without The Lord I am lost and bankrupt. I know where my true treasure lies and I'd be a darn fool to walk away.