Wednesday, November 05, 2014

DAY 1537: LUKE 20

At DCAC and it's always a bitter sweet experience. Thankful for getting help but sorrow that we are even here. Then there's the other families here and sorrow over our broken and sinful world overall. I always feel like I sit here on the verge of tears.

Today fear of the what if's plagued me as I drove here. My kiddo told me about a dream of being taken by someone and it triggered fear. If my child had a broken bone it would be so much easier. We could test and know for sure if the wound had healed. This is different and there are layers to the healing that must be done. My child is different and I don't know if things will ever be the same again. The same probably shouldn't even be the goal. God fight for my child. Heal what can not be seen. Use this to create a heart that's passionate for you and for others. I fear most how this will distort their view of God.

Today I'm sitting in the grief of my part in all of this. I wish I could go back and do things completely different. I wish I had known things that I know now. I feel incredibly naive and foolish. Yet I can't live my life as a fearful untrusting miserable wretch. Tonight I have no clue how to make sense out of all of this.

Been wrestling with church and my philosophy on all of it. It is strange to me that often we drive past half a dozen churches in order to get to our church. Oh how satan has taken much delight is adding division and false doctrine amongst the Church. Pride can complicate just about everything and I confess I am full of lots of it. Thank you Jesus that you have clothed me with your righteousness despite the vast amounts of my sin.

1. Thankful for snuggling with boy who is growing up so incredibly fast. Oh how crazy fast these days are. Makes my heart ache!!

2. Thankful for friends willing to watch my flower plucking children.

3. Thankful for bigs who look out for the smalls.

4. Thankful for dinner coming together for my minions and I tonight.

5. Thankful for a spunky little girl who changes 37 times a day.

6. Thankful for celebrating a sweet four year old today.

7. Thankful for friends who are adding to their family on Friday after being on quite the journey.

8. Thankful for the "new" green couch that I'm laying on.

9. Thankful for our vans that haul us around.

10. Thankful for the neighborhood I live in and for opportunity.

Luke 20:
The religious leaders are trying desperately to bring down Jesus. How incredibly sad the irony of all that is.

Eyes closing.

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