Friday, November 07, 2014

DAY 1539: LUKE 22

I feel like emotionally it's been hard to get a break. Pain from broken relationship was stirred up yesterday. It's been on the back burner for awhile but the rawness of it was awakened. It's hard not fearing being misrepresented. In my flesh I want to plead my case and I long for justice to be served. I do know God is Sovereign and even in this He has a plan. Once again this verse comes to mind:

The Lord will fight for you, and you have only to be silent." (‭Exodus‬ ‭14‬:‭14‬ ESV)

Oh the irony of this verse. I have so much love and compassion for the one who has hurt and is hurting. I know things feel personal but I know that they are not. Lord help me retain this perspective. It's so hard when my heart has been hurt and all I want to do is self protect. Help love come first. Help love win. Help me not to be overcome by evil but rather overcome evil with good. God I'm so weary of fighting my own flesh. 

Heard this song on the radio today and it wrecked me:

"Whatever You're Doing (Something Heavenly)"

It's time for healing time to move on
It's time to fix what's been broken too long
Time make right what has been wrong
It's time to find my way to where I belong
There's a wave that's crashing over me
All I can do is surrender

Whatever you're doing inside of me
It feels like chaos somehow there's peace
It's hard to surrender to what I can't see
but I'm giving in to something heavenly

This isn't the whole song but you get the gist. It feels like chaos but somehow there's peace sums up where I'm at right now. Lots of crashing of waves going from one grief to another. It feels like chaos but there's peace. Only God can do that. I pray He drowns the fight right out of me. The fight the good fight can stay it's the fight for self preservation that I'm fine with Him crushing and destroying. I don't want any part of that any more. 

1. Thankful for time with a friend today. I wish there had been more time and space to connect the way I always long to with a friend. 

2. Thankful for beautiful weather.

3. Thankful for a win with a child that can be difficult tonight. I pray for much more of those. May I embrace who he is, come alongside to train not control. 

4. Thankful for waking up with two little girls snuggled by my side. 

5. Thankful The Lord will fight for me. I only remaining still was easier for me.

6. Thankful to be a tiny step closer to coming to the end of myself. I know this season of sadness and loss is not in vain. God is doing something and it will eventually be used for my good and His glory. Help me to believe this for my child. 

7. Thankful for the comfort of cookies and milk.

8. Thankful for tears as they are still a rare occurrence but I long to one day be made normal again. 

9. Thankful for a new family party of ten tonight. 

10. Thankful for friend's who love and open their home to those they love. Their generosity has always challenged me. Praying for God to lead and guide their steps in the coming weeks.

Luke 22:
I saw the title today and my heart sank "the plot to kill Jesus". I would have been part of that plot. I am a rotten Pharisee that The Lord has rescued. I don't know why He died for this rebellious and prideful girl but He never gave up on me even while I was in the deepest depths of my sin. He pursued me with loving kindness. Yet I often still continue to wear pride and walk around as the scribes did. As if I could have saved myself. Jesus thank you for your tenderizing kindness. 

These verses really hit me tonight:
"Simon, Simon, behold, Satan demanded to have you, that he might sift you like wheat, but I have prayed for you that your faith may not fail. And when you have turned again, strengthen your brothers." (‭Luke‬ ‭22‬:‭31-32‬ ESV)

Thank you that you pray for me Jesus.


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