Sunday, November 09, 2014

DAY 1541: ACTS 1

Sitting in a pile of bitter sweetness. On one hand I feel vindication and relieved that truth is going to win. On the other is a deep sadness knowing another painful wave is going to come crashing in for someone I care about. I know though that if they will let it this storm can be the thing that makes Jesus become known more fully. I can say that wholeheartedly about the waves that have crashed upon me as of late.

There are parts of the story that I've completely surrendered over to The Lord and yet there is one piece that still remains. If it was just me I could forgive and move on. Yet I've seen the waves crash upon my child. The waves that could have been so easily avoided. I'm stuck in this place of trusting in God's Sovereignty and yet torn on how our free will still plays a part in outcomes.

Today I was reminded that I have to wholeheartedly press forward and have conversations that will be difficult. I must love my brothers and sisters enough in Christ to restore things that have been damaged and to speak truth in love. I have small things coming up that will slowly put my toe back in the water. I know things can never go back completely the same. I am hopeful they can be better but I'm also prepared for that not to be the case. Regardless the goal is unity and I believe wholeheartedly that can happen in my situation even if we land on separate pages.

Today I did dream of a home church again. There's always been some appeal to me about home churches. I think if done well it could be amazing but I also know home churches could have the potential to harbor some crazy stuff. Which leads me to wonder why the heck the church can be so hard? It seriously seems like it should be simpler. Sin complicates everything though. I do love my church's heart to be a church like in Acts. I think doing my church thing I loose sight of the target on the wall sometimes. It can be easy to get lost in the mission statements and values and catchy church slogans and forget what's really important. Again why does it have to be so complicated. I'm going to dive into Acts and see if I can make some sense of the complicated.

And once again everything feels so tainted. I feel as if there is no longer a place for me to belong. There's no longer an option that seems right or good. For now I'll stick my toe back in the water and place one foot in front of the other and see where everything ends up. Being displaced for a season is not a bad thing. This season has stunk for sure but thankful to be okay in this season of stench. Just like the disgusting stench of manure nourishes flowers, plants and gardens I know this season of stink will do the same for my heart. May this season of manure produce an abundant crop.

On a totally different note watched a Francis Chan thing on prayer today. My big take away was his Indian buddy saying that as Americans we are often content with Moses when we ourselves can meet God on the mountain top. I can meet with God on the darn mountain top! What the heck is keeping me from that daily?

The church was birthed out of the faithfulness of about 120 people. 120 people. We indeed can make a difference and all we need is faith the size of a mustard seed.

The characteristic of the early church that stood out the most is that they gathered together and prayed continually.

They all joined together constantly in prayer, along with the women and Mary the mother of Jesus, and with his brothers. (‭Acts‬ ‭1‬:‭14‬ NIV)

They weren't just sometimes in prayer together they joined together and were constantly in prayer. The early church got prayer. The veil was torn. They no longer had to go through a priest and they seized every moment to meet Jesus on that mountain face to face in prayer.  

I pray the most when I'm in the midst of the storm. When chaos swirls round and I am afraid that I might sink prayer abounds. Yet I don't have to be in the depths of the ocean to meet with God. This only proves how little I avail myself to prayer but even more so how little I understand of prayer.  

They are joined together constantly in prayer. How can you be angry at your brother or your sister in Christ for long if you are constantly in prayer with one another? Prayer is so intimate which is why I think so many of us struggle with it. 


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