Don't much want to do this today. Lots has gone on the past two days and working through things would be good but tonight I want to pull up the covers and watch mindless tv. I want to pretend that life is NOT currently being lived out with billowing clouds of uncertainty, unanswered questions and thick sadness. I want to ignore that I've drawn closer to temporary comforts at times rather than drawing nearer to The Lord.
Tonight I'm just left with the sadness. There's no more anger to distract from the pain. Mistakes were made that were costly to our child. Costly to our entire family. My mistakes have been costly to my child/children and to my family. The sadness is chokingly thick and I can't see how this can ever be restored and yet I have hope that He can restore everything. I'm so sick of battling my own sin in all of this. My current lot in life has highlighted how depraved and weak I truly am. I long to leave this place, for Jesus to come back quickly.
Oh Lord I so want this.
I will give to the Lord the thanks due to his righteousness, and I will sing praise to the name of the Lord, the Most High. (Psalm 7:17 ESV)