Saturday, December 13, 2014

DAY 1575: Advent

Feeling gross again tonight. Not moan and roll around gross but give me Benadryl so I can pass out ASAP and hopefully sleep through the nausea, lightheaded, dizzy grossness. Another day with new sickies including a really sick toddler girl and a girl who fears throwing up who threw up. The toughest kid in our bunch has handled his illness like a champ. He's like his daddy in that regard. I on the other hand tend to be more on the needy / dramatic side, imagine that. Thankful to be able embrace my needy and dramatic self more and more. This world would be so boring if it weren't for at least a little bit of drama.

Thankful for good health today. As I laid by my Bunny's side today and stroked her feverish little forehead I couldn't help but think about the parents of children with terminal illnesses. I couldn't help but think about the parents who will lay beside their little ones today and stroke their child's forehead knowing they will never get better this side of heaven. We have been blessed with good health. It's a treasured gift that I often take for granted. It's a gift I'm not guaranteed to have tomorrow either. So for today for this precious gift of today amidst the flu jungle I give thanks to God.

Today in my prayer closet, also known as the shower, the road marked out for the near future seems to be to continue to walk the difficult path. This difficult path brings out so much of my grossest humanity. I hate who I am walking this path. I hate my thoughts and the dark cloudy sin that resides inside my heart. I want to walk the difficult paths of life with grace and humility and thanksgiving. This could not be further from who I am right now. The lives of those around us, of those involved, get to go on with life. Things may be changed but hearts haven't been crushed and the world around them hasn't been tainted. I hate this saying and yet it's what is resounding in my heart, it's not fair. It's not fair is what is yelled at the top of its lungs by the toddler that is throwing a massive fit in my head. It's not fair.

It's also not fair that I ate tonight and many will go to sleep starving tonight. It's not fair that I live in a country where Ebola is not ravaging and destroying while many people do. It's not fair that people are dying of cancer and all I have to complain about is the flu. It's not fair that some parents had to bury their child today and I get to go to bed knowing all six of mine are safely in bed. It's not fair that some little girls and boys will be sold as sex slaves so that their families do not starve and my children do not have to worry about such horrors. It's not fair and yet I know in the horror and the chaos of this world God wants to offer us something so much better than what is fair. Even when evil seems like it is winning love will overcome. 

So I trust God. I trust Him while walking the difficult road. I will trust that it's okay when my sin oozes all over the place and I can't possibly take that next step without Him. As much as I hate everything about this season we are in I'm so thankful for yet another opportunity to lean not on my own understanding or operate out of my own strength but rather abide in my creator.

The verse of the day perfectly timed:
But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. (‭2 Corinthians‬ ‭12‬:‭9‬ ESV)

Advent reading again perfectly timed:
Many of you will feel your loss this Christmas more pointedly than before. Don't block it out. Let it come. Feel it. What is love for, if not to intensify our affections — both in life and death? But, O, do not be bitter. It is tragically self-destructive to be bitter.

Acts 24-27:
Amazing how God ordains who Paul will be able to witness to. He's in all the details from the smallest to the largest.


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