Tuesday, December 16, 2014

DAY 1577: Advent

Looks like today is going to be another day oozing with unproductivity. As if my "productivity" today is really going to make much difference a month, year, or lifetime from now anyway. There are seasons to produce and seasons to lay around and snuggle with children. Today I'm choosing the latter. If I could will myself to be vertical I would do so but right now horizontal is as good as it gets.

Thankful some of my anxiousness from days previous has subsided. Thankful today I can except what today is going to be. Thankful to embrace not having to make every Christmas as magical as the North Pole. I do want my children to learn how to embrace the days as they come and give thanks for simple graces that we are bestowed and not miss beauty of the simplest joys in life.

Today I'm thankful for crispier weather that makes my heart giddy.
Thankful that the bribe of a dollar can get somewhere with my children.
Thankful to not be irritated or stressed by the massive build up of clean and dirty laundry piles everywhere.
Thankful to take the gift of today for what it is. I'm sad to say this isn't the habit of my life.
I'm thankful for six healthy wonderful children.
Thankful for a husband who has the most handsome boyish curls and whose brown eyes often sparkle with playful mischief. He is a gift and I take him for granted daily.
Thankful for Jesus, the small babe that took the world by storm humbly.
Thankful for the life of Paul. His writing and his story has always been such an inspiration and encouragement to me.
Thankful for the amazing ladies I will get to dine with tonight. Body of Christ in action. It gets me choked up every time I think about it.
Thankful for the bible translated in my language. I do take that for granted and I shouldn't. May my love for God's word grow to be insatiable.

Still grieving over how life used to be and just how much can change in such a short amount of time. Very much aware of the heaviness of my heart in crowds of people I know but who don't fully know the deep crevices of my heart these days. I think I'm beginning to understand a new level of grief of some sorts. It's weird. Although I would give anything to go back in time and change the course of our lives there is a small part of me that gives thanks for having to walk on this journey. It's the small part of me that hopes and that deep down knows that all of this has not been in vain. It's just a small part of the larger story. I do feel that I can trust that more and more. The Lord is good and if He is good then all of this must be eventually for our good too. 

Been stewing a lot on pride. To be more exact my own pride. I wish I could take a knife and cut it out. Since I can't, I want to find the avenues in my life that help to fuel my pride and arrogance. This world tells you that the way to get ahead in this life is to self promote. God show me the ways that I self promote and the areas I desire to self promote. Flip me upside down and change my heart. May I no longer view myself better than anybody else. Give me the humility to consider other peoples thoughts and ideas better than mine. May I be slow to speak but quick to listen. Give me compassion for your people. May I not find my identity in what I do or say or accomplish or anything else other than you. 

Advent - 
"The greatest danger a missionary faces is to distrust the mercy of God. If that danger is avoided, then all other dangers lose their sting."


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