Wednesday, December 17, 2014

DAY 1579: Advent

This week I've struggled as our dog needs to go to the vet for his eye. Not a good time to pour money down the drain with Christmas and other bills that are due. We've yet to take him to the vet and yesterday I prayed that God would either heal his eye or provide the money to take him to vet. Tonight we discovered that somebody put an envelope of cash in our mailbox. I really think I could cry all night about this. Before we opened our mail I was encouraged to see Buster's eye looking better especially since our dryer decided to stop working tonight. Thankful we aren't in the middle of a puke fest. Regardless of all that I'm just kind of at a loss for words. 

He cares about all our chaos. He cares about our dumb dog that I love and I hate all at the same time. He cares about our dryer and all the other things. He cares about all the big things and the small things and everything in between. He cares that I can't pull together anything Christmas this year and yet I feel as if my heart needs Christmas this year more than ever. He cares and He loves even when I can't scrap myself off the couch.

I think more than ever He's drilling in that there is absolutely no need to perform. There's no need to be strong. There's no need to have it all together. I'm thankful because really I'm horrible at all of those things. God help my kids know that they are loved regardless of how they perform, if they have it together, ect. Help them know that you love them.

I hate this season and yet there is part of me that is great flu beyond words. I know God is doing something. I know deep within me that I will benefit greatly from this season. I've been forced to cease striving simply because I have nothing in me that can strive. I've got nothing to give. I've got nothing to offer. I know this is the place where I'll discover more about God than I ever have. 

There's a part of me that feels stupid for "carrying on". The sweet gal I know whose cancer is back has been given a number on her life. The cancer is everywhere. I'm grieved for her and her family. They are already walking this road with such grace. God heal this sweet precious woman. You are good if you destroy this beast that resides within her body and you are good even if you choose to heal her on the other side of eternity. Be with her, with her son and her husband. Be gracious with them Father and lavish your provision on them richly. 

With my whole heart I seek you; let me not wander from your commandments! (‭Psalm‬ ‭119‬:‭10‬ ESV)

God help me to seek you with my whole heart. My heart is so fickle and prone to wander. Bind my wandering heart to thee.

Love this from my advent reading tonight.

Jesus took our nature in Bethlehem, to die our death in Jerusalem, that we might be fearless in our city. Yes, fearless. Because if the biggest threat to my joy is gone, then why should I fret over the little ones? How can you say (really!), "Well, I'm not afraid to die but I'm afraid to lose my job"? No. No. Think!

If death (I said, death!—no pulse, cold, gone!)—if death is no longer a fear, we're free, really free. Free to take any risk under the sun for Christ and for love. No more bondage to anxiety.

If the Son has set you free, you shall be free, indeed!


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