Tuesday, December 23, 2014

DAY 1585: Advent

1. Gotta run to the store to get tights for tomorrow. #scared

2. Lunch thing for staff and family today. I wish things were the same but they aren't. Such a thick sadness around everything still. Hoping a new campus will help with the sting and the ghosts that still linger.

3. We asked our boy if he was okay today. He said he was glad to be at church since his old teacher wasn't there. The ache is searing.

4. Made treats and caroled around our street. I was such a turd. They worked so hard on cards for the neighbors, had a great attitude about making treats that they couldn't eat and I was a big fat turd. I wish I had handled their childishness with love and grace. I saw the look twice on one of my kid's faces, a crushed spirit. Hate that so much.

5. Hard day with fun and sweet moments mixed in.

6. Sad to be doing another Christmas Eve solo especially without the carrot on a stick of extended time off together afterwards. So many families do this every year. Need to find my happy heart.

7. Honestly I'm scared I'm going to screw up tomorrow like I did this afternoon. I'm so tired and such a big grumpalumpa. Thankful to have friends to go to the service with tomorrow.

8. Feel like I've dropped the ball with my neighbors. Overall I feel like a big suck wad tonight. Thankful for the reminder of Christmas and the Baby Jesus that has set this suck wad free.

In this the love of God was made manifest among us, that God sent his only Son into the world, so that we might live through him. (‭1 John‬ ‭4‬:‭9‬ ESV)

Thankful for the reminders of this today.

1. Jesus will help me fight against sin.

2. Forgiveness of my sin gives me hope to continue to fight the good fight.


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