Well church was a bust. The little girls were squawky and we got kicked out of the service and I lost it. I've cried off and on all day. Definitely ready to be on the other side of this. Tonight it feels like needless torture to stay. It's hard enough seeing the ways my boy has changed from all of this but to go to the place where he was hurt is crazy painful. I want things to go back to the ways that they were and at the same time I just want to be done with this place.
I prayed today that the littles would cooperate. It's not out of the realm of possibility. It feels like God is trying to push us out. I know I could be completely wrong but if He is indeed Sovereign over everything things have been anything but easy. I know God is at work. I know all of this will not be in vain. I just don't possibly see how this can end up going well. I can't see anything past the pain though.
Today despite the tears I'm thankful for sweet friends who aren't afraid to hug in the middle of the mess. We have been richly blessed with great friends. Reminded tonight of God's provision in cinnamon rolls by a sweet family. May seem silly but added to more tears just knowing God does have all of this and He will continue to provide even things like cinnamon rolls because He cares.
I'm ready for this stupid painful Christmas to just be over. I hate that I feel that way. I know it could be worse and it makes me feel like a brat.
He will tend his flock like a shepherd; he will gather the lambs in his arms; he will carry them in his bosom, and gently lead those that are with young. (Isaiah 40:11 ESV)
And Mary said, "Behold, I am the servant of the Lord; let it be to me according to your word." And the angel departed from her. (Luke 1:38 ESV)
Being the Mother of Christ did not come without hardship and struggle. It was hard right out of the gates. I can only imagine what everybody thought. There was a point in time when even Joseph didn't understand. When you are a servant of The Lord you don't just cling to what is easy and comfortable. You don't just choose the path that seems as if it will cause less pain. You are obedient to whatever The Lord places in front of you. #dangit