Tuesday, March 31, 2015

DAY 1681: 2 SAM 17-24

A sweet friend is in the hospital with her newest itty bitty who has RSV. This is her second time in the hospital with an itty bitty with RSV. I can not imagine. After LB's dance with Pertussis my understanding is different. All you can do is pray and wait it out in one of the loneliest places on earth. Thankful for God's Sovereignty and hope in the midst of chaos and lonely dark places.

Wanted to get up early to read but woke up in the middle of the night and struggled to get back to sleep. God was still sweet in His provision and I got to read quite a bit this morning and even got a chance to hammer out some calendar stuff with my hubs. Thankful for the quiet this morning and God's provision before an incredibly sanctifying day.

My sweet wonderful precious Brownies were quiet the agents of sanctification today. I'm so thankful for the great conversations I got to have in the middle of the chaos but overall obedience today was low on the priority list for BrownTown. I was spent by the afternoon and put those stinkers to bed by 7 tonight. I know exhaustion was a key player today. Hoping the early bedtime ends up being a win win.

2 SAM 17-24:
I don't have any huge thoughts today. More blood and guts today and I cringe knowing much more is coming in Kings. Our sin truly is a stench to the Lord and to the others around us.

I think 2 Samuel made me so uncomfortable this time around because I do see the humility and passion for the Lord in David yet compromise leads to devastating consequences. Sin truly does lead to death. In the midst of wading through all the yuck I'm left with my own sinful humanity. It gross and it makes me uncomfortable just like Jesus in my closet continues to make me uncomfortable.

I read John 19 to my kids today and I got choked up on my words. It's this uncomfortableness with my sin that has made the cross so much sweeter. There's not a day or an hour that goes by that I'm not desperate for God's mercy and His grace. I wish I didn't forget this so very often. I saw in my kids a soft brokenness after I had read. But just like me the events of the day unfolded and the message of the cross moved from the forefront of hearts and minds. I wish this didn't happen so easily.

Wrapping this up as a bout of nausea has cropped up. Boo! Must fall asleep quickly!


Monday, March 30, 2015

DAY 1680: 2 SAM 16-

Feeling stressed right now and not even quiet sure why. Actually I know why, Easter. Hate that there would even be a temptation to be stressed about Easter of all things. With Amarillo and camping I just really haven't had time to wrap my head around this week. I don't want Easter and Christmas to be filled with traditions that begin to wag the dog but I also want my kids to know how important these holidays are and the real meaning behind them. Last year for the first time we attempted our first Sedar Meal. It was fantastic! This is one tradition that I would really love to gain traction in our home. I even had hopes of expanding it to add even more neighbors this year. The neighbor who came over last year asked a couple times if we were doing it again so I know it had impact. The Sedar I went to as a kid had great impact on me as well. I loved the Holy Week services and traditions surrounding Easter that my grandparents observed growing up. I don't want Easter to be a lackadaisical affair. I want it to have meaning and thought behind it. So I reckon instead of being anxious and all twisted up I need to pray that God would help me pick the best things that would help celebrate the death and resurrection of Christ. I really hope a Sedar gets to be included but with a stove that is mostly broken with one safely working burner and a microwave that has now bit the dust all in one week that just might not be possible. I am feeling the reality of only 18 Easters with them before they are potentially out of the house and I don't want to waste a single one.

God I don't want to be saddle with activities and traditions just for the sake of activity and tradition. Your yoke is easy and with you my burden is light. Because of you I can walk in freedom from condemnation. I want this week of celebrating what you have done on the cross to be my children's everything. I want them to see their brokenness and understand their desperate need for your sacrifice and rejoice in the hope that is found in the empty tomb. God help us to be intentional this week with the limited time we have everyday. Lead Les and I in the right things to focus on this week and help me to let go of the extra fluff. Soften my children's hearts this week so that they may experience the sorrow and the joy that can be found in your death and resurrection.

2 SAM 16:
Hate that once again the last remains of my day are going towards my time in the Word. I really wish my brain could function first thing in the morning. Might be at least worth giving it a shot again. If anything I could spend time in my prayer closet aka the shower.

This chapter is just sad. Ziba shows hospitality to David and his men but it's all for his own gain and he lies about the whereabouts of his master.

David is humble in the face of adversity. Reminded that perspective plays such a huge role in so many things and that humility can go a very long way. How beautiful to grow to the point of not having to self protect or plead a case when wrongly accused. I have so much growing yet to do.

David's prayer is answered and Absolom's advisor gives him foolish advice. Unfortunately the foolish advice included the rape of ten of David's concubines in plain sight of everybody. So hard for my man hate to not take over. I know none of this is God's heart and it grieves and angers Him even more than it grieves and angers me. Thankful for Jesus and that one day everything will be made new.


Sunday, March 29, 2015

DAY 1679: 2 SAM 15

Wonderfully exhausted. Think it's very possible I will be out by 9 tonight. I've been looking forward to a shower all day but sleep might trump one. Nothing like crawling into bed covered in four days worth of camping filth.

I do just love camping. So hard to come back into the city today. Had it not been for PATH we would have stayed at least another day or two. I did have a PATHmare last night. I dreamed we were so exhausted that we slept till 1pm and I didn't hand anything off to anybody for my classes. I still have math prep left but I have no clue how that's going to get done tonight. I'm completely hosed in the most lovely way.

2 SAM 15:
Absalom plots against the king and patiently begins to steal the hearts of the people. Love David's humble heart in this chapter. He is grieved but is willing to leave the outcome to the Lord and not fight for his right to be king. I can learn a lot from that example.


Saturday, March 28, 2015

DAY 1678: 2 SAM 13-14

Sweet hubs wrangling the four bigs and the littlest in the lake while I hang back with a passed out Bella Boo. Sweet girl was having a hard time with life this afternoon and I'm thankful she is resting.

Can't believe Easter is next Sunday. Have yet to fully wrap my head around that. I've definitely dropped the Lent ball as it pertains to my kids. Hate that but there's freedom knowing they are aren't all doomed for hell because I can't pull my lent and advent self together. It would be silly to gear up to celebrate the freedom we have because of Jesus's great sacrifice for us and yet live in mommy guilt condemnation.

I am so excited about celebrating Easter together as a family. The fact that we were even able to get away this week is kinda crazy. It is crazy just how much can change in a year.

2 SAM 13-14:
I've been sitting on these chapters for days. They are super hard. It truly is humbling reading of David's fall. There are so many great qualities about him and he is passionate about the Lord. It's hard to wrestle with the fact that he
1. Committed adultery. It wasn't just any man's wife either. Uriah was one of his mighty men.

2. The reality is that David probably raped Bathsheba. Even if it wasn't by duress like in the case of Amnon and Tamar what choice did Bathsheba really have? The king saw her, desired her or rather listed after her, sent messengers to get her and then had sex with her. The king wanted to have sex with her, what real choice did Bathsheba have? This isn't the case of Bathsheba trying to seduce David. I've heard this story spun this way and I think it's absolute bunk.

The king who cared so much about blessing others surely cared not a thing about Bathsheba in this case. He rapes her, murders her husband, and she is left picking up the pieces of a child's death. It's awful. In the course of having Uriah murdered other men, officers for that matter, died needlessly as well.

These chapters just make me want to throw up. Yet, I'm faced with the harsh reality that if King David was capable of being able to make such a turn awAy from the Lord surely I can as well. I'd be a damn fool and an easy target to think otherwise.

It's the slow drift. The compromise here and the compromise there. This is why I tend to think there is a lot less gray in the world than I'd like to think. Isn't gray after all just blurred lines which is similar to compromise? Maybe there's much less gray and more individual journeys on the road to sanctification filled with more abundant grace than we could ever imagine.

3. Amnon rapes Tamar. So many things here as well. The father's sin struggle manifests itself in his son. David's children and grandchildren and so on pay for David's sin struggles. This is heartbreaking to see it played out biblically because I know my children have the same fate. They will struggle or will be adversely affected by the things that I struggle with. This is the reality of sin. I'm heartbroken and humbled by this. Yet I run to the foot of the cross knowing that His grace is sufficient for me, my children, my grandchildren, ect.

David discovers this crime committed against his daughter by his own son and yet does nothing. He is angry yet either passivity or guilt causes him to turn a blind eye and do nothing. This will later haunt him as Tamar's brother takes justice into his own hands.

David reaps what he has sown. God does take the life of the son he had with Bathsheba yet all the other consequences he encounters is the fallout of his own doing.

In the midst of all the chaos Bathsheba and David have a son whom the Lord loves. One day many years later through the line of David a Savior would be born that would set things straight and reconcile us once again to our Father. Praise God. May my sweet ones grasp their desperate need for a Savior in the midst of this crazy broken world. May they always have hope simply because of Jesus did for them on the cross.


Friday, March 27, 2015

DAY 1677: 2 SAM 11

1. It was cold last night. Insanely cold. Today I'm thankful that camping is a fun activity and not something we have to do. Crazy thankful for our messy house today!

2. I love fires. Sitting around a campfire is one of my favorite things about camping. It's also one of the most stressful things about camping. Toddlers and young boys around a fire makes my hair turn gray. Tonight I'm thankful that a boy who tripped on the fire ring grate only got a small mild burn. Tonight could have been horrendous. Thankful for God's Sovereignty and provision for my sweet boy tonight.

3. I'm thankful for cane poles and that God answers prayers of catching fish. We went fishing today and I'll be the first to admit, it was a total whip at first. My rockstar hubs adjusted the lines in a way that was more their speed and those kids started pulling fish out of the water left and right. Total answer to prayer. Just to make the answer to prayer more miraculous our three year old even caught a fish. She was totally messing around and pulled up her line and said she caught a fish. Nobody believed her at first but low and behold their was a fish on her hook. Every Brown kid three and up caught at least one fish and several of them caught several fish. While we were there the fish count for the other people around us was one fish. Their gear was fancier but my Brownies smoked them so tonight I'm in awe that God cares about igniting a desire to fish in the hearts of five little children. The fact that He cares about silly things such as recreational fishing blows me away. Bella's fish was nothing short of a miracle.

4. Thankful for yet another beautiful sunset. The colors painted across the sky are breathtaking. What an incredible artist is our God! Thankful for the beauty He creates.

5. I forget how much of a game changer camping with a mobile one year old can be. Camping is not a completely leisurely past time right now. Big kids can help a little but not a ton yet. Curious children still shove tent poles into the ground and snap them at this stage of the game. Evenings can be full of exhausted meltdowns from littles. And of course I can't forget the stress of the fire and hot flaming balls of puffed sugar on a molten hot metal stick in the hands of babes. Yet I know this camping gig is only going to get better and better and I'm thankful to be sowing the seeds of adventure early on in the hearts of my kiddos. Despite the difficulties and challenges camping with young kids can be the incredible moments and the discovery and the beauty of God's creation far exceeds all the other challenges. Thankful for the families who took me camping growing up. It ignited a desire in me that never went away. Heart full and thankful tonight.

2 Sam 11-12:
Maybe tomorrow will be the day for thoughts on these chapters. Still dwelling in the yuck of all of it.


Thursday, March 26, 2015

DAY 1676: 2 SAM 11

It's been a little over nine months since we've been camping and today was full of shaking the rust off. I was a turd to my Brownies. Hate that! Come on kids lets go camping and have fun but be careful I might bite your head off. Bleh!

I'm freezing my buns off. This might take the prize for the coldest night we've gone camping. It's up there in the ranks for sure. My hubs was talking snow about snow camping. Obviously he has forgotten who he married. I'd go August camping in Texas before I'd go snow camping any day. I love the snow I just have absolutely no desire to go camping in it.

2 SAM 11:
I think this chapter gets worse every time I read it. All this could have been avoided if David had just gone out to battle with his army like a king should have done. Too cold and my hand is about frozen. More tomorrow!


Wednesday, March 25, 2015

DAY 1675: 2 SAM 8-10

So tired. Meemaw had caffeine after 12pm yesterday and it kicked my tail last night. Bed is going to be awesome tonight!

Last push to get things together for camping. Excited about our first trip of the season especially since this fall we missed the season completely. So glad my kids are so fired up about camping. Makes my heart happy.

Jesus in the closet this morning made me uncomfortable. My mom was sweet and got us a painting a little girl from the Ukraine painted of Jesus which has a story behind. Who really knows what Jesus really looks like but this Jesus is piercing to me. The picture makes me completely uncomfortable. I imagine meeting Jesus face to face will be very uncomfortable. Faced with the Son of God who sacrificed so much for me in His full glory compared to this sinner. I'm going to be a total trembling mess at His feet.

2 SAM 8-10:
Blood fest is so hard to read about. Chapter 8 is particularly hard. 

David also defeated the Moabites. He made them lie down on the ground and measured them off with a length of cord. Every two lengths of them were put to death, and the third length was allowed to live. So the Moabites became subject to David and brought him tribute. (‭2 Samuel‬ ‭8‬:‭2‬ NIV)

This verse is plain awful to me. Yet the Lord was with David and behind his victories on the battle field. 

He put garrisons in the Aramean kingdom of Damascus, and the Arameans became subject to him and brought tribute. The Lord gave David victory wherever he went. (‭2 Samuel‬ ‭8‬:‭6‬ NIV)

There are a couple things that stand out to me.

1. David keeps a hundred horses in one of the battles he fights. He does hamstring the others though. Wonder if it's subtle compromises like this that eventually leads to David being able to commit adultery with another man's wife and then commit murder. 

It doesn't mention David making a copy of God's word either. Wonder if he had and had carried it with him if he would have been less likely to have had so many wives, store up horses, commit adultery, murder and later conduct a census. Reminded again how important it is to stay submerged in God's Word. It is so easy to allow small compromises into our lives which left unchecked can have disastrous effects on our lives. I'm sure David never imagined he would sleep with one of his mighty men's wife and later have him killed. If a man after God's own heart has the capacity to commit such grievous acts I'd be a prideful fool to think I myself am incapable of such things. The reality is I'm only one little compromise away from a great fall.

2. Curious about David's sons being priests. This seems strange to me but not sure if it's against the Law. Knowing the condition of some of David's sons it does freak me out that were priests. 

Benaiah son of Jehoiada was over the Kerethites and Pelethites; and David's sons were priests. (‭2 Samuel‬ ‭8‬:‭18‬ NIV)

Here's David's heart even with his flaws.

1. King David dedicated these articles to the Lord, as he had done with the silver and gold from ALL the nations he had subdued: (‭2 Samuel‬ ‭8‬:‭11‬ NIV)

This is a window into David's heart. David truly did desire to please the Lord.

2. David's treatment of Mephibosheth shows his character. He continues to remain loyal to Jonathan and his family even after his death. 

3. David tries to show kindness and compassion over the death of the King of the Ammonites. 

 David thought, "I will show kindness to Hanun son of Nahash, just as his father showed kindness to me." So David sent a delegation to express his sympathy to Hanun concerning his father. When David's men came to the land of the Ammonites, (‭2 Samuel‬ ‭10‬:‭2‬ NIV)

Okay, time to get back to work and to put the melting down sweet toddler to bed.


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Tuesday, March 24, 2015

DAY 1674: 2 SAM 5-7

Not sure if the Natural Calm is finally working or if I'm still getting caught up on sleep but I could pass out sitting up. If it is the Natural Calm I wish it had the same affect on Sent from my iPhone

My minions were extra sanctifying today. Stubborn ornery mothers obviously give birth to stubborn ornery offspring. One point today I told my oldest she needed to learn when it's best to just be quiet. After I said it I couldn't help but think "hello pot, meet kettle". Oy! Thankful for the blessing of sanctification today.
Little Bit put on a show for the four bigs camped out in the living room. So much for getting them to sleep at a decent time but the giggles were totally worth it. That Lilly Bit is something else.

1. Thankful for a little boy whose fever broke today.

2. Thankful for another beautiful day and trampoline weather.

3. Thankful for the shower I'm about to take. Running water is a blessing.

4. Thankful we got some school done even though trying to get into any kind of rhythm has been rough the past several weeks.

5. Thankful for the giggles tonight.

2 Samuel 5-7:
1. Not sure why David and his soldiers carried off the idols of the Philistines. Curious as to why they didn't just destroy them.

2. The encounter between David and Michal is interesting to me. Michal has cause to have grown bitter against David. He's married other women, her dad and brothers are dead, she was forced to leave a man who loved her, ect. I can see where her beef could be with God as well. I could see how she could be responding out of bitterness and sheer embarrassment of him making a fool of himself. I can also see how it truly had more to do with his indecent exposure around other women, namely the servant girls. I can't figure it out. It's kinda like reading a confusing text message without hearing the tone.


Monday, March 23, 2015


Got up today angry at the world for having to be up. The nights of limited and interrupted sleep have left this momma beastly this morning. My kids were in the same mood so at least I was in good company this morning. As much as I complained in my head about PATH this morning and this afternoon before the last class I'm so incredibly thankful for the opportunity to be apart of this coop. It has blessed me in ways I didn't expect. I've really enjoyed "teaching" the classes I have. Really I don't like to teach I just like to have an excuse to build relationships with knucklehead kids and get to know them better. It's amazing all you can discover about a kid simply by playing Mafia. Really enjoying the stinkers in my math class too. I know I'm not the best math teacher by ANY stretch of the imagination. I'm not creative and I hate crafty Pinterest things and ideas. It's wash, rinse and repeat in that class BUT I've really enjoyed the moments I've had to teach about character qualities. Jesus is what I'm really passionate about teaching and I'm discovering that it's really any age I'm fired up about. I'll never be the Sunday school crafty kinda gal but I'm much more okay with that. 

Thankful I got to lay on the couch afterwards and spend some solid time reading my bible. Haven't had time to just sit for an extended period for awhile so thankful for time the last couple days to drink in deep and just sit with a bible on my lap. Been so thirsty.

After reading Colossians I'm reminded just how much thankfulness and gratitude are keys to maturity in Christ. So not sure how long this will last since I'm not the best at routine or follow through BUT I'd like to try to think of at least five things I'm grateful for everyday. Five isn't much but seems easy enough to do daily. Here goes.

1. Thankful for PATH and for the women who work so hard to organize it and keep it running like a well oiled machine.

2. Thankful for my hubs who cooked dinner, cleaned the kitchen, washed dirty sheets and graciously did all that while I sat and read. 

3. Thankful for my sweet kids who teach and grow me so much more on a daily basis than I'll ever be able to return.

4. Thankful for beautiful spring weather. Oh how I love the sunshine and outdoors.

5. Thankful for Colossians and the beautiful reminder that Jesus holds all things together. 

2 SAM 1-4:
All the blood and guts is really starting to bum me out. More than the gore it's the sin and the reminder that I'm just as guilty of the same sin as the knuckleheads in the OT. Taking things into my own hands may not end in bloodshed but my sin doesn't just affect me. It has ripple effects that impacts many. When I choose to off-road and go my own way it does not go well with me or those around me. May I never loose sight of the fact that my sin doesn't just affect me it affects others as well. 

David is not flawless by any stretch of the imagination. I'd be as bold to call him a sex addict. However, the dude has some serious faith. He is content to wait upon the Lord's promises without taking things into his own hands. He waits until the Lord delivers him from the hands of Saul and doesn't take matters into his own hands. Even after Saul's death he doesn't fight for the entire kingdom. He waits patiently and as a result David grows stronger and stronger while the house of Saul grows weaker and weaker. David trusts and he understands that nothing is impossible for God. His fatal flaw might be his lack of faithfulness in the little everyday things or rather faithfulness regarding his family. His passivity on the Homefront and his desire for women will eventually be his downfall. 

I've struggled with the fact that David is called a man after God's own heart when he has a glaring flaw. Yet I'm beginning to see more and more God's compassion and His mercy towards our sin struggles. It doesn't go well with us when we indulge and give in to our worldly desires but I do believe God looks at us through the eyes of a Dad who has much mercy, Grace and compassion on His children. 

Colossians 1-4:
Read Colossians because I'm needing some hope of Jesus in the midst of the darkness of the OT. I do believe the OT shows God's great love and patience for us total knuckleheads and makes the NT all the more sweeter but I have really been needing some all the more sweeter now. 

I totally got the all the more sweeter from Colossians today. I love Paul. I love his boldness, his passion and his genuine love for the bride of Christ. I love the way he handled the church in Colosse in this letter. He's encouraged by the faith of the church but he knows that false teachers have crept in and are leading people astray. Instead of going off on them he reminds them of what they believe and who Jesus is. He lovingly warns the church of false teachers but I love his wisdom in how he handled this crisis in the church. This is such a great book for insight on how to remind my kids of who they are if and when they begin to veer to the left or right as adolescence. Sometimes all we need is that reminder of who Jesus is, what He's done for us and who we are to get us back on course when we falter. 

There's so much in this book. Here's just a few things that stood out or that I pondered. 

1. Prayed over these verses on family especially thinking about what it means to embitter your children. The things that come to mind is lack of encouragement, lack of compassion and understanding, unyielding rules focused on behavior rather than the heart. Man made rules, controlling behavior towards children.

Wives, submit yourselves to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them. Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord. Fathers, do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged. (‭Colossians‬ ‭3‬:‭18-21‬ NIV)

Out of that I'm hit with the conviction that it is so much easier for me to encourage those outside my family. I probably encourage my hubs and especially my kiddos the least. Ouch!

2. The theme of giving wholehearted thanks is repeated through out this book. There is something truly beautiful that happens when we yield ourselves to gratitude rather than grumbling and complaining. Thankfulness is outwardly focus and complaining puts the focus on ourself. Hard to die to self if my eyes are fixed upon myself. 

3. This verse caught my eye.

Be wise in the way you act toward outsiders; make the most of every opportunity. (‭Colossians‬ ‭4‬:‭5‬ NIV)

In light of the past sermon series this verse is so fitting. Here's the thing when we are in step with Jesus, when our focus is on the cross and not on ourselves or our agenda when we encounter somebody and we are soft to the spirit leading how can we not make the most of every opportunity. Reality is I stink at this. I too often put my head down and get stuck on me. Frankly I love worshipping myself so it only makes sense to live life for myself. 

I think what I'm getting at in all this jumbled mess is: how am I doing at making the most of every opportunity? That's not just with the checker at Target. But again I admit I keep my mouth shut more than I should because I'm either too into myself at the time and don't feel like it OR I look at them and think I don't know what to say. BOTH things are about ME!! How often do I ask God to help me make the most out of the gift of today? Make the most out of that trip to Target, to the park, at home? This leads me to the other verse that ran off the page.

4. Epaphras, who is one of you and a servant of Christ Jesus, sends greetings. He is always wrestling in prayer for you, that you may stand firm in all the will of God, mature and fully assured. (‭Colossians‬ ‭4‬:‭12‬ NIV)

I have a constant connection with God and I don't use it nearly enough. I pray but how much better if I wrestled in prayer for those that I love, for my neighbors, the lost, our leaders, direction for the day, ect. I Lone Ranger it most of the day when I have access to wisdom, strength and power from my Daddy. Oh self reliance how you steal so much from me on a daily basis. 

And with that bed is calling. Thankful for the steak dinner of Colossians today.


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Sunday, March 22, 2015

DAY 1672: 1 SAM 24-31

Going to see if I can seize a quiet moment this morning to read while my sweet ones are sleeping. Hoping camping will reset our clocks which are way off.

Pulled it together and got eight sets of buns to church this am. Afterwards found out staying home might have been better for my youngest son's class. Think he might be harboring strep. Poor kid slept most of the afternoon. Thankful for easy access to great medical care. We are crazy blessed.

Low key afternoon and thankful for some time to sit with a physical bible in my lap.

Brownies revolting against sleep. Oy!

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Saturday, March 21, 2015


Super melancholy today. Tons to do but no real motivation to push through today to get any of it done. Dreamed somebody else died last night. People in my dreams are not safe at the time being. My subconscious must be working overtime right now.

So many things feel completely unsettled and up in the air. My brain won't stop crunching on everything under the sun. I think what it boils down to is that I stink being still and waiting. I really don't like being in limbo and I feel like life is very much in limbo right now.

Everything unpacked from Amarillo. Now to hustle to get packed for camping. I know once we are out there it will be great but first trip out for the season is always extra fun prepping for.

Caught up on the Daily Walk. So much here. So sad to see Saul's downfall. He starts off so humble but disobedience, fear and pride take over.


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Friday, March 20, 2015

DAY 1670: 1 SAMUEL 11

1. Home sweet home. Thankful.

2. Emotionally whooped. Horrible dream about the death of one of my kiddos has not helped. Brain must be in overdrive right now. Lots of junk up in my head right now.

3. Thankful for God's sweet provision of time and timing.

1 Sam 11-14:
Fading fast.

Love Jon's courage and his heart.

Saul begins the drafting of people for the army which God had warned would happen.

Compromise already begins to set in with Saul. Compromise is a very slippery slope.


Thursday, March 19, 2015

DAY 1669: 1 SAMUEL 10

Semi-quite right now. My inner introvert is hurting. Needing some extended time with Jesus and Sent from my iPhone

1 Sam 10:
At that time the Spirit of the LORD will come powerfully upon you, and you will prophesy with them. You will be changed into a different person. (‭1 Samuel‬ ‭10‬:‭6‬ NLT)

I'm so thankful for the new heart the Lord has given me  and that because of the redemptive work on the cross I am a different person. I do confess though that there are many times when I feel as if my new heart is on the fritz. So much work left to do. Incredibly thankful that the Lord is faithful and diligent to finish the work He began!


Wednesday, March 18, 2015

DAY 1668: 1 SAMUEL 9-12

It was quite the day. Thankful to end it by listening to two silly cousins giggle in the next room. Another long day for the kids but they did really well. So incredibly proud of them. 

Lots going on in my head and trying to grasp handles for it all. I've seen Exodus 20:5 come alive the past couple days. 

Never worship them or serve them, because I, the LORD your God, am a God who does not tolerate rivals. I punish children for their parents' sins to the third and fourth generation of those who hate me. (‭Exodus‬ ‭20‬:‭5‬ GW)

Grace rains down and surrounds us no matter what the sin or the mistake might be. Yet there are often consequences to our sinful actions and choices. Oh how I'd love to believe my sin only affects me but it's much more far reaching than I'd like to admit. 

Read Ch 9 but a really upset kiddo just got up. Hoping she doesn't wake up the entire hotel.

So incredibly exhausted.


Tuesday, March 17, 2015

DAY 1667: 1 SAMUEL 4-8

Amarillo by morning. Kids were awesome today given a long drive, a viewing and late dinner with folks they didn't know. Proud of them!!

Lots to unpack in Sent from my iPhone

Saw the reality of that on the faces of my father in-laws friends tonight. Death grows closer and closer for them. It grows closer and closer for me as well. This is only the temporary passing till I get to real living up in heaven. Until then I really want to stop squandering away time. I've wasted over a decade of my time here on earth. I don't want to waste anymore.

1 SAM 4-8
So much here but can't process anything else today.
-Love that Dagon fell upon his face before the Lord!
-Love that when the ark entered the camp there was such a shout the earth shook. Too bad their hearts weren't truly captivated by the Lord.
- I love that God spoke through a thunder clap and threw the philistines into chaos. Whom than shall I fear?


Monday, March 16, 2015

DAY 1666: 1 SAMUEL 3

Worn down and broken tonight. Tears falling tonight for a friend or rather an acquaintance. I wish I could say she is a friend and a close one at that. She's a firecracker who lights up a room by her beauty because she oozes Jesus. I was in this gals fan club before and now facing unimaginable trials my reason for my admiration for her is not only confirmed but it has increased tenfold. I'm left to wrestle tonight and wonder why God chooses to save one and not another. He has ordained each and every one of our days.

My oldest almost walked in front of a car today. Tires squealed and it scared her. Tonight I give thanks to a God who is over cancer cells and whose Sovereign hand protected a precious nine year old from a fatal mistake. I can't accept the good without being willing to accept the bad as well. It ALL works together according to His will and His purpose. God help me to accept the good along with the difficult with much grace.

1 Sam 3:
As Samuel grew up, the LORD was with him, and everything Samuel said proved to be reliable. And all Israel, from Dan in the north to Beersheba in the south, knew that Samuel was confirmed as a prophet of the LORD. (‭1 Samuel‬ ‭3‬:‭19-20‬ NLT)


Sunday, March 15, 2015

DAY 1665: 1 SAMUEL 1-2

I am an exhausted grumpy turd. Need to go to bed before I turn into a troll forever. Hate having nothing in the tank for my sweet husband.

1 Sam 1-2:
So much here. Brain broken.
- every account of polygamy in the Bible leads to chaos.
- love how the Lord is called the Lord of heavens armies in chapter 1
- Hannah has much peace after pouring out her grieving heart to the Lord.

"Oh, thank you, sir!" she exclaimed. Then she went back and began to eat again, and she was no longer sad. (‭1 Samuel‬ ‭1‬:‭18‬ NLT)

The goal isn't to be no longer sad but rather experience the peace that surpasses understanding that only comes from the Lord.

Gas tank empty, more tomorrow.


Saturday, March 14, 2015

DAY 1664: RUTH

Grumpy beast today. I want to sit here and complain. Really there's only two or three things I would whine about in the midst of a sea of provision today. Hate being grumpy, stupid dallergies, and daylight savings time. Thankful for the provision of my mom being around to help and allow me to go do things like see a friend in need. Thankful for a great pediatrician for my kids and for antibiotics that clear up things like strep. I take that for granted so often!!! Thankful for three meals and the mundaneness of dishwashing that gives me time to talk to God. Thankful for laundry to wash and for the seven people who I adore who will make more dirty laundry. Thankful for big ole vans and friends who love Jesus. The list goes on and on. Provision for me and those I loved was everywhere today.

Ruth is another story of God's provision. He cares for the widow and the orphan. He cares so much He put provision for the poor in His laws especially harvest. Ruth ends up in a field where she will be cared for and not abused or treated harshly. God cares about us and provides for us even in the midst of difficult circumstances. He is good and He is faithful. So much more I could write but tired and this grumpy britches needs sleep.


Friday, March 13, 2015

DAY 1663: JUDGES 17-21

My head drove me absolutely bonkers today. Whatever blew in last night is straight from the pit of pain and destruction. Thought my boy was suffering from allergies too but this evening proved that to be incorrect. Poor kid has a raging case of strep. His tonsils look like something out of a nightmare. Thankful for antibiotics and that strep clears up quickly. Also thankful that it doesn't produce loads of laundry.

Off to read. Not excited about it as these chapters are the worst of judges.

Hoping to get sleep lots of to dos running through my head. Looking like my hubster' daddy will be going home really soon. Les on the road now and hoping he makes it.


Thursday, March 12, 2015

DAY 1662: JUDGES 14-16

I just used my first emoji. Feeling kinda dirty about it.

Good day. I was lazy and let the kids wear out their Grammy. They adore her. So fun to see that. Even got to sneak out of the house for time with community peeps thanks to my Mom. Thankful for them. Thankful for the twenty pound sack of potatoes laying on top of me right now.

Judges 14-16:
I don't quite understand why the Lord chose Samson to be a judge. He's a morally bankrupt meathead. BUT why does God choose any of us? I do wonder though if the times were so dark in Israel that it just didn't get much better than Samson. I truly hope that is not the case. I guess ultimately this just proves that God can use anyone. He can use even foolish disobedient acts for His will and for His purpose. I'd much rather walk in His ways than to be on my own plan.


Wednesday, March 11, 2015

DAY 1661: JUDGES 13-16

Not quite sure what to say about today. I will say that tonight I'm thankful for stress over dinner that has given me perspective about God's timing and His Sovereignty. My mom is in town for her once a year visit. It's a big ordeal for her to come and timing plays a big role in everything. My hubs dad is not doing well and it's very possible he may go home to be with Jesus very soon. The collision of these two things happening at the same time has caused me angst. Tonight after going over my dinner stress I realized that I feel angst because I can't control what is going to happen. I can't make time tables match up perfectly. Unfortunately death happens when it happens and it doesn't wait for a convenient time. Instead of worrying about stupid timing what I really what to do is know how to love my husband well during this time. Letting go of control is definitely one way to do just that.

Kids having a great time with their Grammy. Fun hearing the squeals and the giggles. Glad my mom is here but it does stress me out. I stink at hospitality, food is a big deal and I suck at food, I don't know how to love well, I regress and I know it's possible that things can go south quickly. I think because of all of that I don't know how to be comfortable in my own skin around my mom. That's not her fault it's mine and I'm not quite sure how to change that.

Judges 13:
So tried to read earlier today but the distractions proved to be too much. Eyes won't stay open. Being tired has not helped with clarity or angst. Stopping here tonight.

Love this verse:
"Why do you ask my name?" the angel of the LORD replied. "It is too wonderful for you to understand." (‭Judges‬ ‭13‬:‭18‬ NLT)

Going to drift off to sleep thinking on that.


Tuesday, March 10, 2015

DAY 1660: JUDGES 9-12

After reading today I can't help but think about the very last verse in Judges.

In those days Israel had no king; all the people did whatever seemed right in their own eyes. (‭Judges‬ ‭21‬:‭25‬ NLT)

Oh how the Lord wanted to be their King. Since they chose to chase after the things the world has to offer: sexual immorality, wealth and idolatry they were the living dead. It doesn't take long for moral decay to rapidly set in. Israel is the perfect case study for it. Heart incredibly grieved and heavy tonight after reading this. 

In the midst of the filth of Israel's moral decay God never stops loving them. These verses are the hope I find within these chapters. 

Yet you have abandoned me and served other gods. So I will not rescue you anymore. Go and cry out to the gods you have chosen! Let them rescue you in your hour of distress!" But the Israelites pleaded with the LORD and said, "We have sinned. Punish us as you see fit, only rescue us today from our enemies." Then the Israelites put aside their foreign gods and served the LORD. And he was grieved by their misery. (‭Judges‬ ‭10‬:‭13-16‬ NLT)

They are in misery because they have chosen to abandon their King. I have been in misery because I have chosen to abandon my King and yet He was grieved for me. I simply can't fathom a love like that. Why He chose to rescue this wretched heathen girl from the depths of the pit of hell I'll never fully understand. But I'm so grateful and it's because of this great love that I so desperately desire to give Him everything that I have. Everything that I have is His anyway. 

Jephthah makes me so incredibly sad. He is chosen to be a mighty warrior for the Lord and yet Japhthah is aware of what the Lord has done He doesn't know who the Lord is or what He desires. He makes a foolish vow. A vow that the Lord would never ask or require of him. When his foolish words catch up with him, he doesn't seek the Lord. I can't imagine the heartbreak the Lord must have felt when Japhthah sacrificed his daughter to the Lord. I know the aroma of that offering was neither desired nor pleasing. 

I'm reminded again at how foolish my own words can be. They can crush a heart and offer to do things that is neither pleasing nor desired by the Lord. The other thing is what are the things in my life that I'm doing "for the Lord" that He has not asked me to do. In my zealousness for the Lord what things do I take on that He has not asked me to do.  What am I "sacrificing" in the process?

Lots more stirrings today while conquering mount laundry. I grumble at the mundane but it's while completing the mundane that I have some of my best talks with the Lord. I was so thankful to have the opportunity to fold and put away basket after basket of laundry today. Will have to unpack it all at some point. 

I will end on this and it has gone perfectly with the reminder tonight of God's great love and mercy for each of us. I don't know what song took me down this route but I had a chance to reflect on the past years of walking with my God. I had a white hot passionate relationship with Him at first. I could not get enough. I unfortunately do not have the same kind of frenzied infatuation BUT what I do have is a deeper more abiding love. I know my God more than I did at first and my identity is more deeply entrenched in Him. There is still so much more to learn and Japhthah's example only Spurs me on to know Him even more. May my love and adoration for my God continue to grow over the years. I know I am prone to wander and I am easily distracted. May His Word dwell in me richly. 


Monday, March 09, 2015

DAY 1659: JUDGES 6-8

More slave driving my children today. The two most horrendous rooms in the house are left for tomorrow. Hurray!! Looking forward to basking in a super duper clean house on Weds afternoon.

Judges 6-8:
Gideon is not my favorite dude. His military feats are crazy amazing. Love who God chose.

"But Lord," Gideon replied, "how can I rescue Israel? My clan is the weakest in the whole tribe of Manasseh, and I am the least in my entire family!" (‭Judges‬ ‭6‬:‭15‬ NLT)

God chooses the weakest and the lest to accomplish great feats for His glory. Gideon starts off strong but then his character deteriorates in chapter 8 which just leaves me with a bad taste in my mouth. I read commentary for chapter 8 to try to get more insight on some of the things going on militarily. I found this which can be so spot on.

"Perhaps it is easier to honour God in some courageous action in the limelight of a time of national emergency than it is to honour Him consistently in the ordinary, everyday life, which requires a different kind of courage." (Cundall)

I resonate with this. I feel like it's easier for me to be faithful in the big things but much harder to be faithful in the everyday. 


Sunday, March 08, 2015

DAY 1658: JUDGES 1-5

Oh the dreaded time change. I am happy to report that possibly for the first time ever my hubs and I were completely clueless about the change. I woke up at 10:30 dazed and confused that kids were still sleeping. My Brownies were up late last night but goodness this morning was Spring Forward fantastic ness. It is no longer fantastic and will probably be a whip for at least a month. We are already stuck in some horrible time habits and this is only going to make things worse. Almost 11 and half of my kids are still up. Sheesh!!! Why did half of them inherit my horrible sleep habits?!?
Think it's time to break out the alarm for everybody. Boo!!!

I am happy to report that one room in our house has had an organizational make over. We are a bunch of disorganized sloppy pigs and everything has gotten away from us. We don't just need an alarm clock we need an entire reset on life. One room done and many more areas left to go. Unfortunately maintenance is also not our strong suit but we can try. For now I will sit in my boys room and bask in the glory of it being the only orderly room of the house. Overall I am the complete opposite of being orderly but things in order do make me incredibly happy. I'll bask in all thirty seconds of it tonight.

As my reward for getting everything in order somebody is coming to clean our house on Weds. I could do backflips. There is nothing quite like walking into your house after someone has professionally cleaned it. It is a rare treat and I'm so thankful and giddy!!!

Judges 1-5:
There really is so much here. Took time to really chew on it tonight. There is something really great about being off my screen and reading in my physical bible. Really need to do that more often.

Tonight what is impressed on me is the importance of faithfulness, diligence, perseverance, not growing weary of doing what is right and constantly seeking direction from the Lord.

Comfort and ease is definitely one of Sent from my iPhone

Yet tonight I hear the drum beating. Be faithful. Be diligent. Do not grow weary. Persevere in times of difficulty. This is where the drum beat gets even louder do not fear, do not get overwhelmed for I myself will help you fight and win the battles that rage within your flesh. Victory is already won and you are mine. The battles do not look nearly as huge when I simply remember who is fighting with me and who goes before me.


Saturday, March 07, 2015

DAY 1657: JOSHUA 23-24

My sweet oldest boy turned eight today. Can't believe that my baby boys are not babies anymore. I love the guys they are growing up to be. It's just crazy to me just how fast it all happens!

The birthday boy was hard at work on Lego sets pretty much all day. I have a real love / hate relationship with Legos. I hate how they end up everywhere and how dang brilliant they are with all their silly little figurines. I love the creativity and the character qualities that are stretched while a child is building a Lego set. I'm very torn on the sets my oldest likes right now. The ninjago and Chima sets have stuff in them that I'm not a big fan of and I'm not sure what to think about all of it. I don't want to go off on a big Lego burning campaign and I certainly don't want our kids to remember their childhood as all the things we were against and they weren't allowed to do. I don't want to make up my own rules but it's hard to be in the OT and read about just how holy and set apart God wanted His people to be from others. Am I allowing footholds for the Evil one by some of the things I allow my kids to have access to. My rational and not wanting to be total nerd bomber Christian says it's no big deal. But I also know i shouldn't learn on my own understanding and there is a lot more that goes on in the spiritual realm that I am completely clueless and unaware of. I feel like there are some things that are obvious. My kids may like and want electronics that will give them Internet access, ect but it's really easy for me to see that it's not a good idea. The cons are just too many. But what about all the weird Chi and junk like that is involved with some of the Lego sets. If I go down that road then what's the difference between Star Wars ect. Not veering to the left or the right is so insanely hard. Maybe just maybe there's a lot less gray than we think.

Joshua 23-24:
This is interesting in light of my Chima ponderings:

"So be very careful to follow everything Moses wrote in the Book of Instruction. Do not deviate from it, turning either to the right or to the left. Make sure you do not associate with the other people still remaining in the land. Do not even mention the names of their gods, much less swear by them or serve them or worship them. Rather, cling tightly to the LORD your God as you have done until now. (‭Joshua‬ ‭23‬:‭6-8‬ NLT)

I can't apply this to my life so that I can live life in a holy huddle. Honestly there's not much in me that desires to do that. I bet there is part of me that would like to make a holy bubble for my kids especially at their young age but I love seeing them mix it up and try out their evangelism sea legs and question and wrestle. It's good for them. The BUT is that we need to be careful to not be stained or influence by the world. That is such a hard task.

Fun telling the kids the birth story of the two biggest. Crazy blessed! Oh what a funny adventure childbirth can be!


Friday, March 06, 2015

DAY 1656: JOSHUA 22-24

It's quite in BrownTown. Oldest at a sweet Bday party and boys with their dad and old and new CG boys. Little girls half awake watching Monkey George. Will enjoy the silence before the Wild Rompus returns.

Really love that there was a huge ball of snow rolled by a Brown boy in my front yard. That reminds me that one of the boys rolling huge snowballs just doesn't look right. He looks almost sick but that boy would never admit it if he was. Have to fight against icy fear that wants to creep in. Just when I think I'm over feeling as if we might loose him it somehow creeps back in. I don't know what the deal is with that. I pray that feeling is just that a feeling and nothing more. It could me just waiting for the bottom to fall out. It could be more. I pray like crazy that I'm just crazy. Either way when that fear wants to take root all I can do is turn it back to the Lord. I trust that He is good no matter what. I trust that He will see us through the good and the bad that lies ahead. Thankful He is Sovereign and He loves us like crazy. I could loose any or all of them. They are only mine for such a short amount of time. So thankful for the gift of today with each of these Brownies. Remind me on the hard days, the days I'm exhausted and weary that every day I have with them is such a blessing. They will not be mine forever.
Thankful for the old and new CG boys God has placed in boys life. Fun to see my boy be such a good host. So much to be thankful for today.

Joshua 22:
Only have one chapter in me. Still waiting for most of my crew to get home and need to get birthday surprises together.

So Gad, Rueben and 1/2 Manasseh fulfilled their vow to help the rest of the Israelites fight and they are sent home with lots of wealth from their plunder. Their crews on the other side not only get to see their loved ones again they also get to be showered with wealth. Pretty awesome.

Once back home they build on altar and the rest of the Israelites are ready to go to war with them. At this point in time they are pretty zealous for the Lord as they should be. Before they go to war they send delegates to speak their brothers first. After some good ole conflict resolution the offended Israelites find out that their brothers are NOT disobeying the Lord but rather have built an altar as a memorial. Love brothers and sisters in Christ being willing to stand for what's right but also being willing to talk it out before firing missiles. Really good stuff here!


Thursday, March 05, 2015

DAY 1655: JOSHUA 18-21

Loved the snow last night and today. So fun to see Sent from my iPhone

Looking out and seeing a winter wonderland and soaking up the sound of crunching snow under my feet has continued to fan the Montana flame. Feeling restless about it like I did when I got the Portland itch. I just really hope that if we do end up in Montana it won't end up like Portland did.

As hard of a season as Portland I don't regret it at all. Portland is where God began to plant the seeds of a large family in my heart. I left Portland wanting four kids when I had thought anymore than two was crazy. I got the opportunity to see a beautiful picture of legacy by meeting a really neat older couple who let us stay at their house for a conference while up there. Those two people will never know how their hospitality and willingness to share their lives while we were there had such a profound impact on me. It was definitely a game changing moment in my life. As crazy as Portland was I'm so thankful for that season in my life. I'm also thankful to look back over eight years later and see how much I've grown and changed since then. God has always been so incredibly faithful to us, to me. Thankful for grace, love, mercy and faithfulness that I most definitely do not deserve.

Joshua 18-21:
Simple truths but tonight I walk away remembering that 1. God keeps His promises and 2. God is a just God and He cares about justice.


Wednesday, March 04, 2015

DAY 1654: JOSHUA 11-17

I could not get going today. Weather did not help or maybe it did help my lack of energy and motivation. Especially proud of two Brownies today. One has really been working hard on the reading thing. It's hard and is not coming easy but I see him persevering and I'm so proud of him. It's fun to see him proud of himself as well. The oldest child got after it in the kitchen and made dinner with minimal help. I heart nine year old girls. I do love her go get em attitude.

Cabin fever is definitely starting to set in a bit. Ready for the sun to shine and dry up the Landy Landy.

JOSHUA 11-17:
I wish I had some deep thoughts about these chapters but the details whooped me. I did notice that several times it was mentioned that the Israelites were unable to drive out the inhabitants in the land. It doesn't specifically say why but judging by the success of Joshua and Caleb i'd say lack of faith had something to do with it.

My favorite verses are at the end of chapter 17. The tribes of Ephraim and Manasseh tell Joshua that they have not been given enough land for the number of descendants they have. Joshua tells them that they can take a double portion but they have to clear the land and they can take what they want. They tell Joshua that the Canaanites in that region have iron and steel chariots. Joshua tells them again of the extra land they can have and that they can surely conquer the Canaanites they are afraid of. Joshua is so confident that the Lord can and will give them victory. I want more of that confidence in Christ. If God is for me who can be against me?


Tuesday, March 03, 2015

DAY 1653: JOSHUA 9-12

Good day watching my kiddos play with two sweet friends today. I laughed how homeschooled they must sound as they pretended to conquer Rome with light sabers. Heart is heavy tonight with the thought of returned seizures in a precious little girl, cancer cells found in a biopsy, and the loss of a baby. I do question in the midst of it all sometimes especially when life can seem so cruel. Yet I know that God bestows provision and His mercies even in the midst of the darkest hours. He still lifts up our heads when we can't possibly lift it up on our own. He carries us when we no longer have the strength to walk and weariness begins to eat away at our souls. Hope always finds a way to pierce the choking darkness. I believe that God is good even when nothing makes sense. I pray that I would be able to continue to say that in the midst of fighting a beast like cancer face to face. I feel as if there is no way I'd be able to walk the road as graciously as so many believers have walked that road. My heart grows faint at the very thought. Yet this life is not my own, nor is my husband's, nor my children's. I just pray that God continues to grow our hearts so that we would live our lives as a living sacrifice. I still believe the lie that I was created for my own benefit and that life is for my enjoyment. I was created to glorify God and I best glorify God through my sanctification. Oh how wonderfully painful sanctification can be.

Joshua 9-10:
Had hoped to read all four chapters but after a rough night with Lil Bit last night I can't keep my eyes open.

The Gibeonites trick the Israelites and they make a peace treaty with them without consulting the Lord. I'm convicted of just how many things I still try to do solo without consulting the Lord. God wants to be apart of every single facet of my life. I don't know why I go about my business without first seeking wisdom from my King. I am thick headed that's for sure.


Monday, March 02, 2015

DAY 1652: JOSHUA 6-8

Good birthday. I feel like I got three days for one. I've heard of people getting birthday weekends or weeks and I'm proud to say at 36 I have finally arrived. Thankful for my sweet hubs and kids who made this Bday special. So appreciative of all the rest I was given this weekend. Such a gift. I was showered with sweet texts all day long too which was super sweet.

Normally I get self reflective on a birthday but this year just thankful for another year. Life is but a vapor and it's crazy how time speeds up faster and faster with age. God willing I'll be blessed with yet another year with the ones that I love. The only goal I really have is to turn 37, God willing, and have memorized sermon on the mount. I would love those verses hidden in my heart where no one can snatch them away.

Sweet day at PATH today. Love the knucklehead teens I have in "fun" class. Love that for me the sole purpose of that class is to build relationships with those knuckleheads. Loved seeing the introverts push through today and actually do rather well. I love seeing people step out of their comfort zones and taste some success while doing it. My other class killed me today. Kids showed integrity and kindness that took my breath away. One kiddo was discouraged by the game we played and I was so thankful to be able to point out the character he showed and how God cares about that so much more than winning a game. Seeing he was still discouraged I prayed with him. Such a sweet gift today from the Lord.

Had sweet time with a gal in the little bit room too. Second time I've been able to hang with her and both times I've left so encouraged by her. Overall today was such a sweet gift that even included a CFS. Craving a CFS over Tex-Mex makes me think this little stinker is a girl. My backside and "swollen" legs would agree. Starting off 36 fat, happy and crazy thankful.

Joshua 6-8:
These are awe inspiring chapters and also hard to read chapters. God is a just God and His judgement was exacted on Achan, Jericho and Ai.

Hard to read how Achan's sons and daughters were also burned with him. I wrestled at first with this text in light of this verse.

"Parents must not be put to death for the sins of their children, nor children for the sins of their parents. Those deserving to die must be put to death for their own crimes. (‭Deuteronomy‬ ‭24‬:‭16‬ NLT)

All I can figure is that his sons and daughters knew and turned a blind eye or possibly some even knew and helped Achan conceal his sin.

Achan's sin and response to it is so classic. He is tempted to take the robe, silver and gold. Instead of fleeing he entertains temptation and takes what the Lord has forbidden. When caught up in the realization of what he has done instead of confession he tries to conceal what he has done. I wonder if the same consequence would have occurred if Achan had only immediately confessed once he realized the error of his ways. What if a son or a daughter had spurred their father on to do the right thing, to confess before the Lord. What makes this story even more difficult is that in the very next battle the Lord allows His people to take and keep the plunder for themselves. God isn't trying to rip us off. He truly can be trusted.


Sent from my iPhone

DAY 1651: JOSHUA 1-5

Feeling completely overwhelmed by the churn. Churn over thinking about our mission and goal for homeschooling / raising our kids. Churn over church. Churn over how all the pieces are going to fit together. Churn. Churn. Churn.

I loved the heart behind the message today. I do think that it's hard not to walk away and hear "do more". I was struck by the irony that one of the reasons given for  not loving our neighbor is busyness. Yet I think a lot of busyness can be bred by the church.

Today at the meet and greet somebody said something and it struck me that "we don't know the people sitting around us". There's wonderful things to new people coming to church. That's the hope right? New people would come hear the gospel and give their lives over to Christ.  Being part of the church isn't to become part of this elite holy huddle. But what if we knew the new people coming in. What if we worshipped with people we knew intimately every week? What if those same people lived in our neighborhood, went to our schools, ect? What if we joined together in the communities God has already placed us in, worshipped together, shared with one another, loved and cared for the people living around us together? What if when we grew to a certain point we split up to take more ground in our city? I may have a pipe dream but again I can't help but think that we complicate things. If we knew the people that went to our church would we need all the programs? Would we be bold enough to love the single, the dating, the engaged, the newlywed, the married and struggling, the new parent, the empty nester, ect? Would we be the village that it takes to raise a child?

(I hate that my second thought after this was "what about the creepy child molesters"? The statistics are staggering and as the porn epidemic and sexual immorality continues to become the norm it will only get worse.)

Perfect love casts out all fear. Oh to learn how to be wise as a serpent and yet gentle as a dove.

So much churn with very little answers. Feeling very confused. Simplicity is what I think is the goal in some ways. There are some moments when my walk with God becomes so clear and so simple. Everything is stripped away and I'm left with the message of the cross. To live is Christ to die is gain. Can't church be that simple to? Some people will choose to pick up their mat and get well and others will not. Some will be salt and light and change their city one street at a time. We can change this city one street at a time. We are equipped to do just that. 

So what's the take away from this week? What is one thing I can actively do with all the churn that is going on in my crazy head? Pray. I can pray. I can specifically walk up and down my street and pray for the houses I pass by. I can walk by the two churches at the end of my street and pray as I walk by. I can walk around the school and the new park and I can pray as I walk by. I can help change my neighborhood simply by walking and by praying. I can invite others on my street to do the same. I can pray that we could get a group of men on our street together that would be willing to meet together to help be handymen for the orphans and the widows on our street. That has been a dream. I can be diligent to pray that something like that falls into place. I can pray and I can walk and I can storm the throne and ask that miracle after miracle occurs on my street and then begins to spread to the next street and the next. 

Thankful for a sweet family that celebrated me this evening. Homemade cake that was probably one of the most beautiful cakes I've ever been given. Games created by my kids. My favorite was pin the ponytail on the Mommy. Sweet precious cards drawn by my sweet babies. It was perfect and I got to do all of it while in my pj's. Thankful for my husband and my kiddos that God has so richly blessed me with. 

Great stuff goes on in these chapters. Eyes drooping so will end on the last chapter.

When Joshua was near the town of Jericho, he looked up and saw a man standing in front of him with sword in hand. Joshua went up to him and demanded, "Are you friend or foe?" "Neither one," he replied. "I am the commander of the LORD's army." At this, Joshua fell with his face to the ground in reverence. "I am at your command," Joshua said. "What do you want your servant to do?" The commander of the LORD's army replied, "Take off your sandals, for the place where you are standing is holy." And Joshua did as he was told. (‭Joshua‬ ‭5‬:‭13-15‬ NLT)

I don't know why but this banter between Joshua and the commander of the Lord's army is fascinating to me. He is neither friend nor foe. His allegiance and mission is simply to do as the Lord commands Him.

Joshua's humility shines in this interchange. Oh the beauty of humility. Lord continue to humble my prideful heart.


Sent from my iPhone