Sunday, November 29, 2015

Sleep Drunk

So today came and went and no church happened again. At least last week we had littles with some mean colds and this week the thought of getting up 7 sleep deprived South Pole elves and hustling them in the rain did not seem like a great idea. When my hubs suggested we let them sleep and then get back on a better schedule I did not argue. In fact, I rolled over in my comfy bed and then later passed over a Mudge. I didn't get so much sleep that I got sleep drunk BUT an hour or so all by myself in bed was fantastical.

The rest of the day was spend making salt dough ornaments, decorating Jesse Tree bags, and getting a Christmas tree. Don't forget to throw in pockets of chaos and telling our kids things we never thought we would say to anyone much less our own offspring. If we had a dollar for every time we told them something we never would have imagined they might actually have a college fund. Eh. Maybe we have at least one Merit Scholar in the bunch. Come on Mudge we're rooting for you!!

So in another full confession I have yet to go SF because I'm really developed a taste for the GF pie I made. Room temperature it was foul but refrigerated it's my new obsession and I won't be satisfied until I've eaten the entire pie by myself. Once it is gone, aka tomorrow, I will resume mostly sugar free till the Eve of Christmas. In January I plan on going full tilt Whole 30. I do think I've been seeing results especially after falling off the wagon for two days. I am wondering if almonds might also be not so good for me. Glad I can be Meemaw and wonder about such things. Next thing I know I'll be talking about my bunion surgery.

Philippians 1-4:
I love me some Paul. One day this book will be in my memory. Can feel the tension in Paul's letters between fully embracing the grace of Christ Jesus all the while not being stained and polluted by this world. Straining to achieve the prize yet not forgetting that righteousness only comes through Jesus not by being a slave to the law. Thankful that Jesus is the balance!!!

"I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength."
‭‭Philippians‬ ‭4:12-13‬ ‭NIV‬‬

Paul did indeed learn the secret and was able to be content thanks be to God!

Couldn't help but think about Jenn as I read this:
"I am torn between the two: I desire to depart and be with Christ, which is better by far; but it is more necessary for you that I remain in the body."
‭‭Philippians‬ ‭1:23-24‬ ‭NIV‬‬

How amazing to be with Jesus but thinking about my babies and the hardship that would cause them makes me want to yearn to be here. Come quickly Lord Jesus!

This most definitely marks Jenn. I pray it becomes more of a mark in my life:
"Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."
‭‭Philippians‬ ‭4:4-7‬ ‭NIV‬‬


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South Pole Elf

Mudge became a South Pole elf when he discovered his Paci stealing sister bit holes in all his paci's. Thankful for my hubs who was willing to run to CVS and save the evening and my sanity.

Thankful for a sweet family that we date swap with. Love that I got a bigger picture of a sweet friend that I love by seeing extended family. I loved seeing sweet cousins play together. Tonight blessed me. So thankful for this sweet family!

Ephesians 1-6:
Hate sprinting through these letters but it is what it is. Rather read them than not at all. There is something great about getting the broad brush strokes. Hard not to camp and really churn on all of it though. Oh how God's Word is sweeter than honey. It was ironic to me that while I was reading anger crept up at me out of nowhere. Totally think the evil one tries to distract and cause bitterness to wrap its tentacles around my heart. Idiot messed with me while I was reading the wrong or rather the right chapter. Thanks be to God I do have forgiveness in my heart. It does not completely take away all the anger and most definitely not the feelings of betrayal and hurt but I can and have forgiven. I do in my flesh want vengeance but the spirit that lives within me wants to leave that completely and fully to the Lord. Thankful for abundant grace as I stumble around in life and thankful that His grace truly is sufficient in my weakness. Thankful for a Savior who chose me while I was still an enemy and who lavishes me with great love and affection.

"Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace."
‭‭Ephesians‬ ‭4:2-3‬ ‭NIV‬‬

""In your anger do not sin": Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold."
‭‭Ephesians‬ ‭4:26-27‬ ‭NIV‬‬

"Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you."
‭‭Ephesians‬ ‭4:31-32‬ ‭NIV‬‬

Thank you Jesus for your great sacrifice for me.


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Friday, November 27, 2015

Oh I Love The Rainy Nights

Rained all day here and looking like more of it is to come. I do enjoy the change of pace that happens with changing weather. I love a nice sunny fall but I love how the rain washes away the muck and brings refreshment. Hopefully we'll get a sunny day here soon so we can get our garden prepped for the winter. Maybe next year we'll be able to grow more than just jalapeños.

Really tired and grumpy today. Got into it with one of my kiddos. Ugh! Glad that I can act like the adult around here. Shesh. I need just as much discipline as they do. Thankful for this crew even though we were all grumpy today. One Brown was not grumpy though. He was giddy over his Black Friday finds. Thankful for the way the Lord continues to encourage him in his new adventures.

Galatians 3-6:
I love how spicy Paul can be. This might be one of my favorites of his:

"As for those agitators, I wish they would go the whole way and emasculate themselves!"
‭‭Galatians‬ ‭5:12‬ ‭NIV‬‬

His passion and zeal is contagious. This is my favorite verse of this letter:
"It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery."
‭‭Galatians‬ ‭5:1‬ ‭NIV‬‬

I feel like this verse in particular sums up a lot of what I've been wrestling with lately. Wish I had more lofty words but I'm so whooped.


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Falling Off The Wagon

I fell off the GF, DF, SF wagon today. I tried to at least stay GF but when my GF pie turned our house into a smokey nightmare I threw in the towel. I'll hop back on till Christmas Eve. My guts are kinda hurting BUT I feel like they have been off this week. Christmas Eve will be a better test I suppose. We did rice n beans this week and I know after doing Whole 30 rice does not do this body good. Eh! I'm ready for my heaven body and for eating nothing but the Word!

Thankful for good food and sweet friends tonight. Really chill Thanksgiving which blessed me greatly.

Okay so either falling off the wagon is really hurting bad or I'm coming down with the stomach bug Luke had yesterday. I fear it's the latter and I hate thinking we just passed our germs to friends. Praying if it is indeed stomach bug fun that 1. I loose thirty pounds and 2. That our sweet friends don't get it.

Reading Galatians now. Probably won't finish. Things not looking good over here.


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Thursday, November 26, 2015

Betty Crocker Moments

So maybe one day I will manage time better and I won't be up late making holiday fixings. I'd like to blame having littles still but I really think it's just how I roll. I'm just not very efficient. I would like to think that I'm fun but not fun enough to let my kids have a crack at rolling out a pie crust. I can barely do it myself and we have reality at our house not Betty Crocker moments.

I don't know why I made pies since I really could just eat my Mudge and call it good. I love that doughy pumpkin pie baby! Actually I really like making pies which is slightly peculiar to me. I'll never win an award but maybe someday I'll teach my boys how to make a pie well enough to wow their future spouses one day.

Started the day off with a poor kid who was struck by the stomach bug. I'm so proud of my bigs for really struggling well with anxiety today. I know it was a fight but she fought hard and courageously and I'm so proud of her for leaning in. I know not every battle is going to be won but I praise the Lord that today with His help today my sweet girl was more than a conqueror.

2 Cor 10-13:
Tired not sure how far I'll get. Not enough hours in the day but I will boast in my weaknesses! Praise Jesus for His grace, mercy and forgiveness!


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Tuesday, November 24, 2015

From Jackolantern Grins To High School

Four sweet boys spent the day with us as our boys had a "boy party". I've watched these boys grow up from little toddling toots to become the big boys and the toothless grinning boys I saw running around today. Nerf guns today drivers licenses tomorrow. Oh how quickly time flies.

I am still wrestling God with the question why as I read blog posts from a "friend" dying of cancer. My heart breaks every time I read it. She is so very well loved by all who know her and the proof is in the pudding by the way God has placed a small army around her to help care for her. I'm tore up about her cancer and I can't imagine what it must be like to be in her inner circle of friends. Cancer is an evil beast from the pit of hell itself. Thankful Jesus provides even when we ask why and that He has overcome death and cancer and everything else the demons rejoice over.

2 Cor 6-9:
God provides for is generously so we should therefore also give generously in order to help others and to bless them.


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Monday, November 23, 2015

Snot Monsters 17 Parents 0

Obviously we have been on the loosing side in Snot Land. I can't keep little noses clear and clogged ears and erupting teeth are making night time an exciting adventure.

The morning started off rough with bad attitude from one about not wanting to eat grits and how unfair it was that he couldn't have anything else. That started watching a short documentary on life in Haiti post earthquake. The one who needed to "get it" still didn't and was hacked about not getting to eat a bar. I was hacked about the tude and the overall sense of entitlement. Then of course I had to flip the tables on myself. I too struggle with entitlement. As I sat and pondered how the Lord deals with my entitled selfish heart I realized that He loves me through it. Entitlement robs me of enjoying the generous gifts of my Father. He wants to bless me and bless me generously. If I'm grumbling and complaining over what I should or should not have I miss out on joy and peace. So rather than anger I believe God is saddened by my entitlement and bad attitudes because it hurts me and often times bleeds out onto those around me. I'd like to say my heart softened towards my kid but I remained rather annoyed yet chose to shut my mouth. My version of being my children's Holy Spirit doesn't work very well.

Sent my minions to their rooms to clean their rooms after breakfast. I gave my boys the ole feel free to keep whatever you pick up in 30 minutes. Much nashing of teeth and wailing after that. I went into their room after ten minutes to play prophet Elijah and warn them of the judgement that was soon to be headed their way. Let's just say it didn't go as I had planned. The thirty minute let's get er done turned into an all day affair of turned a rathole into a livable space. That's what Jesus does though. He takes our rathole messed up lives and begins to help us put it back together. I am thankful to say that three little (well maybe not so little anymore) boys are proud of their non rathole room and the new responsibility of taking care of the family toads. Hoping they will enjoy it and take more ownership and pride over it. The cons of this adventure is that I feel like my girls were neglected, the middle one in particular. I derailed the plans I said I was going to do and therefore derailed my hubs and our entire house is still its own rathole mess. Laundry did not get touched and is out of control and I still need to hit the store. I'm not sure going to the crazy store with seven kiddos would have done me, my kids or the world any good today. Overall okay day. I do feel shame and guilt for my lack of things today and not feeling like I did it right but trying to ignore it knowing that's my go to struggle when sleep has been lacking more than usual. Really wish I could go swimming in a bowl of queso while drinking margs and then afterwards take a dip in a chocolate hot tub on Gluttony Island. Oh comfort why do I also want to go running into your pudgy little arms.

2 Corinthians 1-5:
It stresses me out to write out all that sticks out to me when flying through Paul's letters. They are dense and full of all kinds of greatness. So I've been trying to let my perfectionism take the way backseat and read and that be good and not stress about diving in to much. I do confess it stresses me out. I want to sit and pour over these chapters. Can't so this is the verse that makes me want to say AMEN and AMEN! Come quickly Lord Jesus.

"And we all, who with unveiled faces contemplate the Lord's glory, are being transformed into his image with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit."
‭‭2 Corinthians‬ ‭3:18‬ ‭NIV‬‬

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Sunday, November 22, 2015

Snot Monsters

Unfortunately we have become the home to a several snot monsters. After night two of our littles struggling to breathe through buckets of snot we decided to keep it parked at home this morning. I love family integrated church but I'm not crazy enough to think being integrated with a toddler would be any kind of fun. Our toddling little miss is quite the wonderful mess. Right now she's still going and singing Jesus Loves Me. Dang she's cute. Hopefully the garlic pizzeria that is in their ears will help with any ear pain that may be accompanying the snorts.

Read 1 Corinthians 12-16 today in my physical bible. So much better that way. My notes unfortunately are in my bible and I dare not leave my poor sick Mudge to get it. Poor baby is really struggling tonight. :(

I am indeed dwelling on 1 Cor 13 though and how that relates to Love builds up. May I be a builder Lord and not a crusher of dreams or rather spirits.


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Fall Into The Arms of Grace

I've been a big fat turd lately. Today I was once again turd fest and as I was talking to God in my head about my heart the idea of falling into the arms of grace appeared. Let's just say it wasn't the response I was expecting. I like the idea of embracing grace. Wrapping MY arms around a huge honking pile of grace. Embracing grace is not the impression I got, instead rather falling into it 100% because He loves me just as I am is the message I got. I have to be honest the idea of free falling into the arms of abundant grace is a whole lot harder and scarier than I ever imagined it would be. And I'm utterly and completely confused. How do you cease striving all the while continuing to run the race?

I like running the race. I ripping off all that hinders because I'm surrounded by a cloud of witnesses. I want to strive and strive I have to prove to myself that I am not the wretched mess that I am. But I am a mess and will always be one till the day Jesus either comes back or calls me home. Underneath whatever self control I may or may not possess in the moment there is still the sin that lives within me under the surface. Obviously I'm just one hard day or trauma away from the reality of my flesh from being utterly exposed. If I'm honest in my flesh I'd rather be a self reliant little punk than a hopeless mess. Why? What if the "relevance" of the gospel is being willing to expose our utter mess to the world and show them that regardless we can have hope and salvation through the work of the cross done through Christ Jesus. I don't have any answers other than knowing I am a complete mess. This mess desperately needs Jesus and I'm so thankful that He's more than willing to meet me exactly where I am. I don't need to clean up or buck up or pull myself up by any bootstraps. He loves me and accepts me even when I'm a bratty turd. He doesn't see me as a bratty turd after all, He sees me as His precious child and He longs for me to fall hard into the arms of his everlasting love and grace.

1 Corinthians 11:
Head coverings and Love Feasts


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Friday, November 20, 2015

Les Is Your Pin Twin

So obviously my hubs and I are not only both ENFP's with ADD we are pin twins too according to an email in my inbox. I'm so thankful for my pin twin and the blessing that he is. 

Beautiful day outdoors soaking up the sun and ragweed. Thankful for God's creation and for time with friends for me and my kiddos. 

Really dealing with some serious frustration this evening. I don't know if it's the chaos of our house or the chaos of my soul that is the source of my frustration / anger. I imagine it's a combination of both. I blame horrible traffic for starting the domino effect. I need to get out of the city!

1 Chronic-what-cles of Naria 7-10 (AKA 1 Corinthians)

I really love this verse and thinking on it tonight.
"Now about food sacrificed to idols: We know that "We all possess knowledge." But knowledge puffs up while love builds up."
‭‭1 Corinthians‬ ‭8:1‬ ‭NIV‬‬

Got some little ones who appear to be ragweed logged or coming down with something. 

Love builds up.

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Thursday, November 19, 2015

Que Pasa?

About to fall out. 1 Chronicles 1-6. Greatness in here. The pace is frustrating. Need to take it for what it is. So many things to try to dwell on though. Can't keep my eyes open for much longer though. Thankful for this day.


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Wednesday, November 18, 2015

Week One Down

Week one gluten free down. I can't say I've felt better but I know it takes awhile to get the gluten evil out of your guts. I've been mostly dairy free but haven't been too hardcore about it and eating butter and not reading labels for dairy. Tomorrow starts the dairy strictness as well. I think the ease in approach has been easier for me at this season in life. We'll see. Hoping to feel some decent results. Researching the GAPS diet and considering that.

I've fallen into a rabbit hole with our thrush issues. I started looking up other symptoms I'm having that are irritating: dizziness, off balance, and severe brain fog. All of that can be caused by sinusitis. I've lived with a constant sinus infection for years. I found out yeast can also be the culprit for chronic sinus infections. Ugh!!!!! Needless to say, I'm on a mission to heal all the guts in this household. I think I've gotten into a crazy cycle of allergies weakening my immune system, bad diet making it works, pregnancy, and then bingo crazy yeast and more fun symptoms. I think I have felt crappy for so long that I don't even know what feeling good feels like anymore. Excited and hopeful to start combating some of my daily annoyances. Again so thankful for overall good health in myself and my family. I take that blessing for granted daily!

Today was pretty wheels off. I felt like junk and all my kids were exhausted. Couldn't get my bigs to do anything much and my littles were hot messes. It was a crazy day of whack a mole.

Acts 12-16:
Holy smokes these chapters are good. It is so hard going through them so quickly. Think next year I'll combine the Daily Walk with a slow study of books of the bible. I'll have the best of both worlds then, maybe. Need to get back on memorizing SOTM too. Lord help me do away with wasted time. It hit me just how quickly this life goes by. Having a dream of all my babies much bigger last night with my oldest getting married didn't hurt any. The family years are so incredibly short. Thankful the Lord's plan for us has been to extend those years for a bit longer. But hey if Jesus comes tonight I'd be pretty fired up!

Come quickly Lord Jesus!


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Tuesday, November 17, 2015

Blessed Assurance

I have that song stuck into my head for some reason. Been battling a slow burn headache all day. The ice pick shoved behind the eye does not feel good. Regardless of ice picks and another night of awful sleep today was a fun day celebrating my sweet boy. I can't believe that kid is six already! Couple of things:

1. My oldest has discovered her love of karaoke. I'm not sure how I feel about that but mostly I think it's super fun. She's such a fun girl. If she can shake off not caring about what others think her free spirit and fun loving personality will be a joy for lots of people.

2. My boys killed me today with their fleshly struggles of entitlement and jealousy. I get it. I struggle with those as well. The spirit has tempered some and as an adult I have at least some self control that my children do not have. They struggle with the same junk I do, it just manifests itself differently. This is why parenting children is so dang sanctifying. I'm faced with my very own sin struggles and yet I often handle them in my children so poorly. They are children after all. I love those little stink pots! Thankful for God's daily provision of grace in my life.

3. Still having anxious sleep. I don't particularly have anything I'm aware of being anxious about. I haven't been as great about keeping on top of taking magnesium, my new wonder drug, so I very well could be in the deficient range again. That possibly could explain the aches and pains as well. Why didn't I enjoy being twenty when I was in my twenties. Stupid kid!

Acts 10-11:
Thankful to be grafted in. This verse stuck out like a sore thumb.

"Likewise, David said, "Let their bountiful table become a snare, a trap that makes them think all is well. Let their blessings cause them to stumble, and let them get what they deserve."
‭‭Romans‬ ‭11:9‬ ‭NLT‬‬

Interesting to ponder in light of our current culture.


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Fungi Fun

1. Last day of co-op. I love it when it starts and I love it when it ends. My kids on the other hand would probably love to go year round.

2. My baby turns 6 tomorrow. It seems wrong.

3. Horrible sleep last night. Boo.

4. My baby has thrush. Now three of us can have some fungi fun. Going to try to hit the dr Weds and see if all three of us can get de-fungi-ed. Somebody today mentioned colonizing their babies as they were born. Makes sense to me? Regardless I'm going to spend one million dollars on probiotics and we are taking antifungals and Lilly and I are going to be GF, DF and fun free.

5. I've got to go to bed!!!!

6. Acts 9 - passing out dwelling on what it means to trust in God.


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Sunday, November 15, 2015

The Powers of Hell Rejoice But It Shall Be Short Lived

Thankful again for my hubs leading out on church. I really do enjoy going but being physically run down makes it easier for my desire to stay in bed to win out. So thankful I do not have to muster up the energy to do the good I ought to do solo.

I had a really hard time concentrating today during the sermon. The person in front of me was doodling and he was quite the artist. I watched as he effortlessly made John come alive onto his paper. It was lovely to watch. I wish I had some skills of some sort, to create beauty somehow. Maybe one day I will learn how to play an instrument. For now instead of a sport or a skill or a craft I will choose to be content to pour out my heart and my passion on raising seven lovely little people. I may never play an instrument, learn how to create beauty through the arts, and I know coordination to master a sport will never come but I can't complain about the trade offs.

Just heard the dog puke. Awesome. Anybody want a dying dog? Speaking of dogs I keep dreaming about cats. I feel bad about our missing (eaten) cat. We told the kids and my oldest is taking it pretty well. I think she is most saddened by the fact that her Operation New Kitten campaign has failed. I would be too.

Today in my ADD haze of watching people draw and thoughts of many to dos, I did latch on to a thing or two and one of them made me mad. The powers of hell rejoice as the church is crushed. The last laugh is on the powers of hell as ultimately the victory has already been won. But it made me think about my overall aversion to the Church these days and I got pissed. The Church is imperfect. The American Church in particular is a big fat hot mess. So am I, so obviously I belong. The powers of hell WILL NOT REJOICE over our crushed hearts. What the devil has used to try to harm God will use for HIS GLORY! I will choose to rest in order to heal but I will also choose not to avoid through the grace of Christ Jesus. Rejoicing that no powers of hell or schemes of man can ever pluck me from His hand. May we not self protect. May we seek the restoration that can only be found in Christ Jesus. May we embrace our weaknesses, our brokenness, our messy, gross and disgusting selves knowing that despite all the ugliness We are CHOSEN, LOVED and WASHED CLEAN because we are HIS. Our Jesus I beg you that my children would fully embrace all that you are and all that you've done for them. I pray they would rejoice in their weaknesses because it's weakness, brokenness, and hardships that draws us nearer to our Lord Jesus Christ. May they NOT buy the lie that they should ever have it together or that they should be strong. Rather may we all rejoice in a life lived whole heartedly after you! 

Romans 4-8:
These chapters are so crazy good but they are dense!!!! I could read these and should read these everyday to remember who I belong to, how much I'm loved and prayed for. This kind of love is completely overwhelming and too hard to grasp!

"And we believers also groan, even though we have the Holy Spirit within us as a foretaste of future glory, for we long for our bodies to be released from sin and suffering. We, too, wait with eager hope for the day when God will give us our full rights as his adopted children, including the new bodies he has promised us."
‭‭Romans‬ ‭8:23‬ ‭NLT‬‬

Come quickly Lord Jesus!


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Saturday, November 14, 2015

Soccer Mom

Low key day today. Last soccer game of the season and a soccer party. Felt known by a sweet card given to my hubs for coaching. I really do love watching him coach. It's pretty awesome to be a soccer mom too. I love my crazies!

I don't know if it's the weather changing, allergies, too much water, or gluten withdrawals but I feel like I've been run over by a reindeer. My muscles and joints are not happy today. Poor Meemaw.

Romans 3:
Love this chapter. So thankful that I have been declared righteous because of Jesus's death on the cross. May I always go back to the cross when I loose sight of what this life is about.

So tired...


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Camera Surprises

1. Found this beaut on my phone. Often I find a bunch of random crazy on my phone but this was swoon worthy.

Thursday, November 12, 2015

Momma My Legs Are Sweatin

1. I don't know why the above line is the only thing I remember from Urban Cowboy but it cracks me up for whatever reason. My legs aren't sweating but they are sore. The boys and I "worked out" today. It was an extremely sad state of affairs but day one is done.

2. I drank a ton of water today. Unfortunately I've already left my water bottle at somebody's house that I've had for less than 24 hours. Leaving stuff behind is not just for kids. It's for parents with ADD too.

3. Day one gluten, dairy and mostly sugar free has been a win! Take that stupid ragweed!

4. Went to a denim fest co-op moms night out. Everybody was crafting so not a lot of talking until the end with a gal who is quickly becoming a super sweet friend. It was nice to get out of my funk.

5. We started school super late today. The weather was beautiful and Mudge wasn't haven't life. Got most everything in but language arts. Have I mentioned how much I loath language arts?

Acts 27-28:
Love how Paul uses every opportunity available to him to preach the gospel. From snakes, to ship wrecks, to prison Paul is faithful. Lord I am so very not faithful help me to be faithful in the smallest of things so that I may be faithful to the end.


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It Looks A Lot Like Grief

Choosing not to send what I wrote, at least for tonight.

Acts 24-26:
Love how Paul is in chains but still using every opportunity that he has to preach the gospel. Ahhh Philippians comes to mind while reading this.


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Tuesday, November 10, 2015

Inside Out

1. Woke up even more tired than I went to bed. Mudgey is so congested and snorkey and ragweed is slowly killing me. I went into a silent rage/pity party today over how stupid pollen ruins my favorite seasons. Feeling discouraged over the aches, the itch, the sinus awfulness, brain fog and exhaustion of constant plague by satan's dandruff. But! Overall I have really good health and so does my family. I really do have so much to give thanks for.

2. Survived today although I had the energy of a sloth. Kids played decently well and they cleaned up like a champ in order to watch inside out tonight. Pixar did it again as the movie is so good. I am thankful Jesus gave us the gift of sadness but I do look forward to the day when there will be no more tears.

3. My kids all sat on the couch today except for Mudge and my heart could have burst at the sight of six beautiful children looking at me giggling with each other. I wish I had more patience for them and wasn't so darn selfish. I'm thankful for the gift of each of them and so glad the Lord choose to bless Les and I with them despite my daily sin and shortcomings.

Acts 21-23:
Lord grow my heart to be like Paul's: bold, encouraging, courageous, humble, ect


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Monday, November 09, 2015

Bubble Girl

1. Either I'm coming down with brain rot or allergies are once again putting the evil hurt on me. I'm on two different allergy meds and I'm still getting my tail whooped. The brain fog and aches today is ridiculous. I need to live in a bubble. Maybe it could be sound proof which might actually be pretty awesome.

2. I'm so incredibly tired. Thankful for PATH but I'm so glad next week is the last week till next year.

3. Fun times hanging at the pool this afternoon. As a bonus got a free counseling session out of a friend's mom. Interesting to have the tables flipped on me.

4. Our house is so thrashed but I'm too stinking done to do a single thing about it. Thankfully my awesome hubs is currently installing a new dishwasher. Waiting for the fridge to go out now. It's the only major appliance that hasn't gone out in the past six months. Slowly but surely "remodeling" the kitchen :).

Acts 20:
""And now I am bound by the Spirit to go to Jerusalem. I don't know what awaits me, except that the Holy Spirit tells me in city after city that jail and suffering lie ahead. But my life is worth nothing to me unless I use it for finishing the work assigned me by the Lord Jesus—the work of telling others the Good News about the wonderful grace of God."
‭‭Acts of the Apostles‬ ‭20:22-24‬ ‭NLT‬‬

God I beg you so that I would not have to suffer. You know I love comfort and ease often more than I love you and others. Grow my heart to be willing to suffer just as eagerly as Paul did. Lord give me the courage to lay down my life so that I might gain it.


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Sunday, November 08, 2015

We Love the Thing That Destroys Us

Emotionally whipped tonight. My own crusting over wounds, the hurts of another sweet friend and the reality of death for another. Jesus please come quickly.


On another note: pretty sure it's official that the cat is gone. Although the cat is very much neglected and uncared for I'm pretty sure once kids realize, one in particular, things are going to get crazy. I wonder if we don't say anything if they will ever figure it out. Cats are pretty low maintenance. I do in fact feel bad about our catless situation. I did have a dream last night that we brought home four kittens home from the store. I remember wondering what the heck we were doing allowing our kids to bring home four kittens. I think catmares are of the same caliber as tornado dreams.

Acts 19:
I am too tired to try to sort this chapter out.

- being baptized by John and not in the name of Jesus and when one receives the Holy Spirit is interesting to me.

- the whole evil spirit scene in this chapter seems like it's right out of a horror flick. The demons says it knows Jesus and knows Paul but doesn't know the jokesters who were trying to cast it out. Sobering to know that if knocking it out of the park demons know our names. Thankful that God is more powerful but also sobering to remember the battle is constantly being waged spiritually.

Meant to unpack church today but really dwelling on the fact that we love the things that destroy us. Harsh reality.


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Saturday, November 07, 2015

Breaking The Dam

Good times today. Slow start to our morning and I got another kiddos clothes swapped. Maybe if I do one a week I'll have them all switched over by the time the season changes again.

Another sweet soccer game for the Minions. Something clicked with them and they went into beast mode on the field. Fun to see my boy really get after it. Really feeling torn about sports in general. I don't like to have too many regular standing commitments BUT I do love watching my kids play and love watching my hubs coach even more. Wish the seasons weren't right in the middle of prime camping. First world problems for sure.

My head is still really swimming with thoughts of community and church. I wish I didn't have any church woundedness and I could just be apart of something without overthinking everything. It would be so much easier to just fall in line, get assimilated and go with the flow. I know I'm tired but tonight it all feels pretty complicated and I just don't know if I belong anywhere.

Tonight was a sweet night of celebrating a family who has added to their crew through adoption. It's beautiful and messy. Very much like the Church I guess. Such sweet families celebrating together tonight. I love the breaking of bread together so much. But there was definitely awkwardness mixed into everything. The awkwardness is just a reminder of pain. I don't know if I would want things to go back to the way that they were. I do wish the awkwardness would fade though. I feel as if I'm hiding something. Really all of it is pretty f'ed up, every single bit of it. So yeah I'm not excited about drinking anybody else's koolaide and getting yoked up to anybody's man made rules about what makes you a member or not a member or an official community member or unofficial community member or whose church is knocking it out of the park and whose is crazy and whose is dead or thriving or whatever it may be labeled based on some crazy man made church score card. I get it but really all of it makes me want to puke my guts out. Thankful Jesus is powerful enough to heal my jaded bleeding out heart, love His disgusting bride, and who can redeem all of mankinds absolute insanity.

Side note: it just occurred to me that I haven't seen our dumb cat. The windows have been open and it's highly possible she's gone on a forever adventure. She could have been gone for days without anybody noticing. Obviously we are awesome pet owners. Anybody want a cat?

Acts 13-18:
So incredibly much to process in these chapters. Read in my physical bible, it's been awhile. It comes alive so much more when reading it out of an actual bible. I am struck by the perfect timing of being in Acts right now. Thankful to be reminded of the beauty of Christ's bride even though incredibly messy. My notes are in my bible and I'm now in a dark room with a cute but squeaky Mudge. Much to ponder on the upcoming days. Love God's Word!


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Why Can't We All Make It Simple and Just Wear Nametags

So much in my head tonight and the effort it will take to organize it will take more brain power than I possess.
Bring on the bullet points.

1. Language arts might be the death of me.

2. I think wearing name tags should be universal and mandatory.

3. Everyday I am amazed at how much chaos can be created by one little toddler.

4. Today I also realized that it's not just my kids that are destructive we just happen to have three boys back to back to back AND the destructive nature of a child times six soon to be seven does make for shelves and doors and various other things to be ripped off the walls and destroyed pretty much constantly. They just take turns doing it. The fact that we homeschool only leaves for more opportunity at home to destroy and damage things.

5. I am enjoying every bit of my Mudge. Pretty sure he is made out of pure sweetness and will never destroy one single thing ever.

6. Tried out a home/life/commune group at St. Pete's. Fun people but we were the Mee Maw and Pee Paw of the group. Although we like the peeps I don't think it would be the best fit for our four bigs. I don't know what to think really. If I'm really honest I'm still feeling kinda anti-church but more anti-rules. I didn't need much of an excuse to want to break rules but that has grown exponentially as of late. I don't want to be shoved in a box that is man made.

Acts 11-12:
Much to catch up on but loving how much the Holy Spirit was integral and very much moving in the early church. Chewing on this as my eyelids get fat and heavy.


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Friday, November 06, 2015

57 AND 11

Hung at a chips and salsa party with moms of many. Eleven women present that combined had 57 children. When I stop and think about this, really think about what those 57 children represent I am pretty awe struck. It's hard for me to take a step back in the day to day and remember what I'm doing and why I do it. Raising these kids and teaching them about God and His creation is sowing into eternity. What an honor and a privilege. I loose sight of that too often. Thankful for a night out with a bunch of fun girls who get my daily chaos and even more thankful for the sweet hubs and sweet children I left at home tonight. Thankful for a gracious God who does not loose His patience, get tired or grow weary, and whose love and forgiveness is as vast as the oceans.

Acts 10:
Two men given orders obey and get to be apart of something beautiful, the gospel spoken to the Gentiles. Love how God orchestrated the details so beautifully. He goes to great lengths
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Wednesday, November 04, 2015

It's Kinda Like Trying To Motivate a Small Herd of Cats

Another glorious day in paradise. We finally got school done and kids reluctantly got their chores done. Today it occurred to me that trying to motivate my Brownies to do the good they ought to do is kinda like trying to motivate a small herd of cats. At least everyday is a new adventure.

I'm not often on Pinterest but today while nursing Mudge I hopped on and read a good article on how to stop a mommy temper tantrum. I felt myself about to have one today and spew my motherly wrath upon all my offspring. I started but then caught myself and gave myself a time out. Basically I was hacked because I couldn't control my children and once I had in my head a plan and consequences for kids who didn't complete their work it was all good. Thankful for provision over my toxic mouth and pray I will catch myself more often before I blow my top. I want to build up these little destructive noncompliant noisy messy little people instead of tear them down. Everyday is a beautiful helping of sweet sanctification. I can kick and scream against it or buckle up and enjoy the ride with Jesus.

Still chewing on what it means to live in community with others. Acts has been pretty sweet to be in as I sit and wrestle. I also came across an article about not being a consumer as far as community goes. I'm not just mulling over community I've also been mulling over life. I think all our conveniences have actually lead to many of our hinderances. I know I idolize comfort but I think we are making ourselves sick off of comfort, pleasure and leisure. It bleeds into everything I think and we're busy and stressed out and overall unhappy. I am convinced that this stupid device in my hand is just as much a culprit as any. Blah, blah, blah! What to do about it is the problem? Maybe I should become a Quaker or join monkhood with one of my dear friends. I drifted off into Laura Ingels Wilder land but I think I found an answer to a current problem while doing so. In Little House on the Prairie each of them had one cup, one plate, and one set of silver. If I put all of our extra dishes, cups, ect away then I would have to wash them after breakfast, lunch and dinner BUT then there wouldn't be a day's worth of dishes in the sink. Let me tell you 8 times everything several times a day leads to kitchen crazy. A little bit at a time probably would lead to more sanity, more time in the long run, and just better overall use of life. We'll see. I think I've bought the lie that we need all this extra crap. I think I'm ready for my living off the grid minimalist log cabin in the middle of nowhere with all my favorite and non favorite people (don't want to be a community consumer) of course.

Acts 8-9:
Lots of action continuing to go on in the early church. Once Saul becomes Paul the church has a period of peace.

This verse is the one heavy one I'm sitting on tonight.

"And I will show him how much he must suffer for my name's sake.""
‭‭Acts of the Apostles‬ ‭9:16‬ ‭NLT‬‬

There's just no getting around this idea of suffering for Christ.

Off to my prayer closet to continue to ponder and pray and be washed clean.


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Tuesday, November 03, 2015

Wild Things

Today was an uphill battle to get my minions to do anything. Everything did eventually get done but bummed about not hitting a park today. Our two weeks of Fall has arrived and I want to enjoy it before it's gone.

My lack of sleep did not help matters much today. My poor Mudge has been so snorky lately and hasn't slept very well the past couple nights. Even so he's still had the best disposition. Love that baby! Looking like it's going to be another long night for the both of us.

Thankful for my hubs who served me non stop today.

Acts 5-7:
We can learn a lot about 1. What it means to be truly persecuted and 2. How to respond to persecution from these chapters. Stephen is pretty amazing. Oh the mighty and amazing things that can happen when we allow the Holy Spirit to fully take root in every fiber of our being.


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Monday, November 02, 2015

Three Months of Mudge

I can't believe this sweet pudge of a baby boy is three months already. He has turned into the dream baby I had hoped for but even better. This little guy is such an incredible joy. I'm so thankful for the gift that he is to our entire family.

Today was a wild one at PATH. Classes big and small were filled with rowdy children. Wonder if tonight is a full moon. As an added adventure one of my offspring went missing at lunch and the entire co-op went searching for her for an entire minute before she was found. I think several Mommas felt bad for me or wondered if I was embarrassed but I can honestly say embarrassment was never an emotion I felt. I was thankful she was okay and thankful for so many sweet friends willing to help look for her. I think if these sweet Brownies hadn't already beaten my motherly pride out of me I would have been beet red. Something changes when a childcare worker comes by the church playground and asks whose naked child is running around the church. This was not the first shenanigan and I know with great confidence it surely won't be the last. Ah the beauty of a humbled spirit in motherhood.

Kinda fired up that my Beatitudes class made it in PATH next semester. I am also surprisingly a little sad I won't be teaching any of my kiddos. It's kind of a whip to teach a class with my kiddos so I'm kind of caught off guard by being sad. Although most days my ears feel like bleeding from all the questions and kid stories and kid jokes and complaining and bickering that I hear on a daily basis, I really do enjoy being with my offspring. It is an honor and privilege to be able to teach them and be their imperfect momma.

On the way home I saw two high school boys being extra friendly. My oldest noticed too but thankfully thought it was just "two boys telling each other secrets". This world has indeed changed. God prepare the hearts of our children to stand firm in the midst of an ever darkening America. Give them courage Lord and hearts that burn passionately for you. Teach them to love courageously and to cling to and proclaim truth boldly.

Acts 1-4:
I love me some Acts. What an exciting time. In four short chapters the group of believers grows from a group of about 120 to over 5,000. Faith comes at a cost and those who have truly bought in are emboldened by the Holy Spirit. They share alike, pray together, break bread together, ect. It's a beautiful picture of the invisible church.


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Sunday, November 01, 2015

Justification = Rest

Thankful my hubs lead the charge to go to church today. I really enjoy going but could have made a beautiful case as to why staying in bed would have been awesome. So glad we went. New St. Peter's has been the respite my soul has so desperately needed. My head is a mess and a jumble of thoughts right now and not sure I'm going to be able to process or even touch on what I'm chewing on. This verse is what pops into my head after today though:

"It is useless for you to work so hard from early morning until late at night, anxiously working for food to eat; for God gives rest to his loved ones."
‭‭Psalms‬ ‭127:2‬ ‭NLT‬‬

I have treated rest so poorly in my life. Sleep (rest) is for the weak has been my motto. What a foolish motto it has been! Rest is so important God made our bodies to need rest daily and even set apart an entire day so that we would rest. I've neglected this greatly my entire life. 

Today I was challenged to view yet another component of rest. God grants us rest through justification. Through justification we are not made righteous but we are DECLARED righteous. We wear the white robes of righteousness that was bought for us through the death of Christ Jesus. I am declared righteous through no actions of my own. Yet, I batter myself with would haves and should haves and got to get better at X, Y and Z. As if I could make myself better or more righteous through any acts on my own. But I try to, and everyday I fail to enter the rest of Christ Jesus. I continue to strive to do more, do better, don't mess up. It is finished! Why do I forget these three simple words?

The pastor asked the congregation today if we were free to struggle? I think this past year has been a lesson in learning how to be free to struggle. Painfully, I've been learning how to be a huge big fat gigantic mess and just embracing where I am and trusting that God is faithful and continuing to grow me to be the woman He created me to be. There is freedom and rest in knowing that through Christ we are free to struggle.

Invited to lunch by a New St. Peter's family that lives in our hood. They were super brave to ask our pile-a-zoo to lunch at their house. The wife used to go to WM before getting married. There's actually a handful of old WMer's at St. Pete's and an elder who was married by our old pastor. The world can be such a small place after all. Anyway, sweet young couple who are trying to figure out if they should explains their family or not. 

I've been trying to get this done since this afternoon. Much ADD today. 

John 18-21:
So hard to read the story of the crucifixion. Which reminds me I almost completely lost it during communion today. I don't know why I stop myself in those moments. Would anybody really have cared if I wept at the table? Overwhelmed by the sacrifice Jesus made for me. 

Love the verse John ends with:
"Jesus also did many other things. If they were all written down, I suppose the whole world could not contain the books that would be written."
‭‭John‬ ‭21:25‬ ‭NLT‬‬


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