Saturday, January 30, 2016

Duuuuuuude!

Mudge has been a mess lately. Can't set this kid down and he's turned into a never sleep. Hoping teething or an ear infection from the perma-cold is the cause.

Boy drama today. Hard for a Momma to see the dejected looks from a boy with a crushed heart. Oh how neighborhood life can be so hard. We are all so desperate to be chosen and to be loved. I survived a scuffle between my two oldest boys first thing this morning. They figured it out and asked each other for forgiveness. I can see there being a crazy A River Runs Through It kinda fight breaking out someday. Love those two stinkpots.

Still feeling rough. Last night was a rough one. My lungs hurt from coughing and feel itchy if that even makes sense. The upper respiratory funk and allergies colliding is a mean combo.

My hubs scored a treadmill last night. We had talked about one but always get stuck in the "where are we going to put it" problem. Well, we put it in the garage and everyone old enough to operate it had a spin on it today. The kids are a bit obsessed. I wish I could be. I did walk for thirty minutes so that's something. Would love to get back to running but we'll see. That may no longer be in my cards.

Psalms 30:
"You turned my wailing into dancing; you removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy, that my heart may sing your praises and not be silent. Lord my God, I will praise you forever."
‭‭Psalm‬ ‭30:11-12‬ ‭NIV‬‬

Beautiful psalm full of redemption. There's always hope to be found for those who belong to Him!

Proverbs 30:
""Every word of God is flawless; he is a shield to those who take refuge in him. Do not add to his words, or he will rebuke you and prove you a liar."
‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭30:5-6‬ ‭NIV‬‬

Zzzzzzzz
D

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Evil Roots

You hack the roots away and yet roots of bitterness are still trying to wrap their evil tentacles around my heart. I think it's all the more difficult as my past and current situation mirror each other in really interesting ways. If I dive in deep into the reality of that feelings of despair and hopelessness might swallow me up whole. Choosing not to go there for now and listen to the hiss of the evil one who would love for nothing more than for bitterness to turn the heart that has softened back into stone. He would love for me to be overcome by hopelessness and drown in a sea of lies.

I can't say that I've heard much in my time with the Lord lately. I haven't come away filled with reassurance or peace or pumped and jazzed about some new thing He's shown me. Instead I've puked out my guts and I feel that He's been faithful to just be there to listen. He hasn't reprimanded me about the filth that my heart possesses or chided me to do better at this or that. I don't feel abandoned rather I just feel Him sitting in it with me. Sometimes as a parent you have to let your kids struggle. You are there for them but you don't rush over to comfort or to solve the problem. I feel like that's where the Lord and I am right now. He's there and I know at some point dawn will eventually turn into a beautiful day.

Still physically feeling rough. This morning I was in a tizzy about no longer being able to live here. My sinuses hurt so bad and the thought of doing another horrendous spring and summer filled with satans dandruff was more than I could bare. As I was puking out my guts I realized doing the GAPS diet for years just for the purpose getting some better control on allergies was worth it. My oldest is now complaining about having trouble breathing at times just like I do. Argh!

All in all I'm pretty much a miserable wretch right now. The glass is not half full and I can't find where I put my rose colored freaking glasses. Really it's not all that bad. I am just weary of feeling yuck when I know I could feel better and I'm tired of feeling sad mad. There are so many many more difficult things out there that I could be facing. I feel like a horrid brat but a horrid brat who is loved and clothed in Jesus righteousness. Ah now that's some amazing perspective right there! Thankful for that!

Proverbs 29:
I read this and all I can think about is my kids with their fingers shoved in their ears saying I'm not listening!!

"Whoever stubbornly refuses to accept criticism will suddenly be destroyed beyond recovery."
‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭29:1‬ ‭NLT‬‬

God I know I can be that stubborn kid with their fingers shoved into their ears help me to not be a fool but rather heed your correction and the correction of others. Pride doesn't allow for correction but humility does. Lord help me to be humble. I simply can't be on my own.

"Fools vent their anger, but the wise quietly hold it back."
‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭29:11‬ ‭NLT‬‬
I really really like this proverb. It doesn't say a fool gets angry and a wise person doesn't. Both get angry but a fool gives full vent to his anger while a wise person does not.

"To discipline a child produces wisdom, but a mother is disgraced by an undisciplined child."
‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭29:15‬ ‭NLT‬

Interesting that the choice word is mother here instead of father. I believe that is no accident. Lord help me be courageous, diligent and wise when discipling my children.

Speaking of which:
"Words alone will not discipline a servant; the words may be understood, but they are not heeded."
‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭29:19‬ ‭NLT‬‬

Lots of discussion lately about behaviors needing consequences bc they are so easily forgotten.

"Fearing people is a dangerous trap, but trusting the LORD means safety."
‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭29:20, 25‬ ‭NLT‬‬

Psalm 29:
This psalm is about the voice of the Lord. Is quite lovely to reflect on the power and majesty of the Lord and all that He commands simply with His voice.

D


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Thursday, January 28, 2016

Cemented Sinuses

I feel as if I have cement in every single nook and cranny of every single one of my sinuses. Maybe I have a bleb in my sinuses and that's why they hurt so much. If I didn't think I'd roll over and smother Mudge I'd take a bottle of Benadryl tonight. I forget that I'm a grumpy ole troll for a reason.

Once upon a time there was a spunky short girl who loved being outside. She moved to Dallas and Dallergies ate away her soul and turned her into a grumpy ole troll. As revenge she decided to burn down every Juniper and Elm tree in the entire world. The End.

Proverbs 28:
"When there is moral rot within a nation, its government topples easily. But wise and knowledgeable leaders bring stability."
‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭28:2‬ ‭NLT‬‬

This reminds me that the next presidential race has the potential to be Trump vs Clinton. Good times! Maybe it's time to move to Canada.

"Those who trust their own insight are foolish, but anyone who walks in wisdom is safe."
‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭28:26‬ ‭NLT‬‬

Good word.

"Whoever gives to the poor will lack nothing, but those who close their eyes to poverty will be cursed."
‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭28:27‬ ‭NLT‬‬
Love this verse!!

Psalm 28:
I totally feel this way-
"I pray to you, O LORD, my rock. Do not turn a deaf ear to me. For if you are silent, I might as well give up and die."
‭‭Psalms‬ ‭28:1‬ ‭NLT‬‬

If the Lord no longer speaks to me I'd rather be dead.

"The LORD is my strength and shield. I trust him with all my heart. He helps me, and my heart is filled with joy. I burst out in songs of thanksgiving."
‭‭Psalms‬ ‭28:7‬ ‭NLT‬‬

Amen!!

Off to go rid the world of Juniper trees....

D



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Wednesday, January 27, 2016

Somebody Stole My Push Through!

Once upon a time there was mouthy little Belgican who was short and spicy and who ate colds for breakfast. One day a big huge hairy monster came and gobbled up all her fortitude and turned her into a grumpy ole troll.

Frustrated that a stupid cold is causing my body to rebel against me. It's not even a bad one but all my energy is completely zapped. I feel like I could slither around like a slug because my legs and my arms do not want to work. Tried for another nap this afternoon but my littles conspired against me. I arose from my chamber like an angry Jabberwockey because my bigs did not do what they were supposed to do. Very discouraging but they are children after all and the entire lot of them has some form of ADD/ADHD.

Psalms 27:
"Wait patiently for the LORD. Be brave and courageous. Yes, wait patiently for the LORD."
‭‭Psalms‬ ‭27:14‬ ‭NLT‬‬

Lord help us to be patient and to wait for you. Help my heart long for you the way David longed for you.

Proverbs 27:
"Don't brag about tomorrow, since you don't know what the day will bring."
‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭27:1‬ ‭NLT‬‬

Feel like I understand this more now than I did a year ago.

"The heartfelt counsel of a friend is as sweet as perfume and incense."
‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭27:9‬ ‭NLT‬‬

Amen!

Thankful for friends here we can turn to in times of emergency.
"Never abandon a friend— either yours or your father's. When disaster strikes, you won't have to ask your brother for assistance. It's better to go to a neighbor than to a brother who lives far away."
‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭27:10‬ ‭NLT‬‬

"A loud and cheerful greeting early in the morning will be taken as a curse!"
‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭27:14‬ ‭NLT‬‬

Indeed!

This is interesting to me:
"Fire tests the purity of silver and gold, but a person is tested by being praised."
‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭27:21‬ ‭NLT‬‬

Zzzzzzzzz
D


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Tuesday, January 26, 2016

Sleep Deprivation + Snot Bug = Does Not Play Well With Others

My stupid mouth. You would think as I approach 40 I would have learned better self control over the raging beast that resides inside my mouth. Obviously that goes out the window with lack of sleep and a raging head cold. A man was rude about all the "people" I had with me today and I was rude and snarky back. Only one of my kids was aware enough to notice what was going on so I had the opportunity to eat crow and explain how my actions and behavior was not pleasing to the Lord and asked forgiveness for my poor example. I will admit that although in my spirit I long to have a redo and have prayed for said man in my flesh I would still run him over with my van full of people if I had the chance.

Went to lay down this afternoon because I simply could no longer stay vertical and smoldered with rage about several things. I felt like the character Anger on Inside Out with his head on fire. Prayed and then crashed with Noah for almost three hours.

I'm pretty much over Anger taking control of my emotions at this point and would even welcome sadness at this point. At least sadness doesn't take so much energy that I feel like I simply do not have. Maybe my thyroid truly is out of whack and my rage has just as much to do with that. I really do hope that's my deal because I feel like I could set an entire forest on fire with my rage.

Thankful for my sweet hubs who serves me every single day. I wish I didn't feel like such a consumer right now. I want to be the one to serve him.

No school today. Went to the store to get birthday surprises for a neighbor. Hate thinking about her spending the day alone on her birthday but feeling too dumpy to take her out to dinner or pull together a party for her like last year. Hopefully next year. Praying she feels loved regardless.

Thankful to still be in bed after a three hour nap because my hubs is amazing. I love love love that man.

Proverbs 26:

"Don't answer the foolish arguments of fools, or you will become as foolish as they are."
‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭26:4‬ ‭NLT‬‬

Nicely timed I would say. Ho hum.

"Be sure to answer the foolish arguments of fools, or they will become wise in their own estimation."
‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭26:5‬ ‭NLT‬‬

I am confused about when this is true. When do you engage and when do you choose to ignore in order to save the peace and in order to salvage relationship.

This one is a zinger:
"There is more hope for fools than for people who think they are wise."
‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭26:12‬ ‭NLT‬‬

Psalms 26:
"Put me on trial, LORD, and cross-examine me. Test my motives and my heart."
‭‭Psalms‬ ‭26:2‬ ‭NLT‬‬

I do desire for the Lord to do this and for Him to show me the gross areas. At the same time I'm terrified of this. The yuck that has already been squeezed up is pretty awful. Thankful for grace. I am a foul sinful beast. Why He loves me the way that He does floors me completely.

Lord take my meager offering of all that I am. I all too often am focused on temporal things and desire to be my own object of worship and affection. I long for comfort and ease in this life instead of digging in deep and sowing a harvest for eternity. Lord change this wicked heart of mine. I have nothing to offer but myself. Help me to be willing to surrender it all to you.

D




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Monday, January 25, 2016

PS The Dog Ate My Homework

1. First day back at PATH. Feeling pretty run down by either Dallergies on crack or a weird head cold but it was a great day and I'm ever so thankful. I love that little coop. My tank is filled along with the hearts of my kiddos. Well, my littles might disagree but all the rest were fired up about their day.

2. Because of said coop this evening was filled with a boy fired up about the Revolutionary War and was found reading about it on the couch and another child was knitting up a storm. All the other ones were relatively quite due to spent energy. It was an almost magical evening.

3. Got my first speeding ticket in over a decade. Broke my years of ticketless wonder with a bang by speeding in a school zone. It was not intentional speeding it was ADD speeding. There's a stop light that I got stopped at in the middle of the school zone AND of course I forgot I was in a school zone. There's was no blinking light to remind me as it was behind me at the light. Maybe I could plead Attention Deficit Discrimination!! It was awesome when the police officer asked what my hurry was for with my top speed being a whopping 29 MPH and I told him I forgot I was in a school zone. PS the dog ate my homework too!

4. After a good chat with a knowledgeable friend today I think it wise to pursue further testing for one of my kiddos. I think we are beginning to near a crucial point where his self esteem could really start tanking if we don't figure out what's going on a get him some help. Testing will not be cheap but praying the Lord will provide.

Psalm 25:
Beautiful Psalm. David is in distress but is reminded of who God is and how He leads those who trust in Him.

Love that it starts off with this verse:
"O LORD, I give my life to you."
‭‭Psalms‬ ‭25:1‬ ‭NLT‬‬

Oh Lord may this become true of my own life. May I be willing to give it all up for your sake and for your glory!

Proverbs 25:
I pray I can grow to be better at receiving valid criticism. Lord may I not self protect and make excuses but rather listen.

"To one who listens, valid criticism is like a gold earring or other gold jewelry."
‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭25:12‬ ‭NLT‬‬

This verse says a lot about the power of our words:
"Telling lies about others is as harmful as hitting them with an ax, wounding them with a sword, or shooting them with a sharp arrow."
‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭25:18‬ ‭NLT‬‬

"Singing cheerful songs to a person with a heavy heart is like taking someone's coat in cold weather or pouring vinegar in a wound."
‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭25:20‬ ‭NLT‬‬

Yep.

This is good to remember:
"If the godly give in to the wicked, it's like polluting a fountain or muddying a spring."
‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭25:26‬ ‭NLT‬‬

With crazy times around so good to remember not to give into evil.

D

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Sunday, January 24, 2016

Eureka Echinacea!!

Okay I think I might have found the cause of the numbness/tingling/burning feeling. I'm horrible with piecing together passage of time but I think it's caused by Echinacea. I could be grasping at straws but did some research and people allergic to ragweed should not take it. I'm not sure what evil beasts I'm allergic to here but I'm sure ragweed is on the list. We'll see. I stopped taking it two days ago and it's been much better. We'll see what happens.

One parental unit leaves tomorrow another comes in on Thursday. I hope things are different when we go to visit our kids some day. I hope I continue to pursue my kiddos hearts even as adults.

First day of co-op tomorrow. It's gonna be a crazy crazy morning. I'm already excited about going to bed tomorrow night.

Proverbs 24:
Good word. Good and convicting.

"Don't rejoice when your enemies fall; don't be happy when they stumble. For the LORD will be displeased with you and will turn his anger away from them."
‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭24:17-18‬ ‭NLT‬‬

Psalms 24:
"Who is the King of glory? The LORD, strong and mighty; the LORD, invincible in battle."
‭‭Psalms‬ ‭24:8‬ ‭NLT‬‬

Amen!!

No Romans today but read some of Martin Lloyd-Jones book on SOTM, the Beatitudes specifically. It was pretty fantastic. Thankful it's the Lord who takes our broken willful self and slowly but surely turns it into something beautiful.

D


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Saturday, January 23, 2016

It Won't Kill Them

Lots of gratitude for good health today. There's so many things I'm blessed with daily that I so easily take for granted. God give me eyes that see your daily bountiful provision.

I ate up my Mudge today. Hate how fast these kiddos grow. This little chunker berry has me so wound tight around his chubby little finger. Thankful for the gift of him.

Psalm 23:
I used to rush past this Psalm thinking that it was for nursery walls and one that I was very familiar with. Since really sitting in this Psalm one semester through Shelter I've grow to love and appreciate this Psalm more than I could ever have imagined. His rod and staff do indeed comfort me and I'm so thankful He makes me lay down by quiet waters. He loves me and cares for me so very very much. 

Proverbs 23:
My fav out of this bunch is this one-
"Don't fail to discipline your children. The rod of punishment won't kill them. Physical discipline may well save them from death."
‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭23:13-14‬ ‭NLT‬‬

Need to recite that as my mantra as I deliver justice to my offspring.


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Woo To The Dog

I will say it again, I know I'll be crushed when Buster finally dies but the puking or rather hacking up large amounts of gross mucous might make me snap. I feel bad for the dog bc I know he's feeling really rotten. But in my sinful selfish depraved self I feel more sorry for myself. I wish he'd just get better or die already. I feel horrible for even writing the latter but it's truth.

Lots of sweetness with my mom here but as with anybody else in the fold trying to maintain order and routine is no easy feat. Hands are held loosely though so even though I'm craving a bit more order for at least the bigs my BGP's are not in a bunch.

Started going down the research tunnel of gaps diet, fermented foods, and probiotics. Seriously considering the GAPS diet. I think it could kill two birds with one stone. 1. Food is an idol and 2. Help with some of the health crazy.

I will be shocked if the laundry list of symptoms I've been battling is not autoimmune. If it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck it's probably a duck. Best case scenario I don't have an autoimmune disease and GAPS helps finally destroy my fun allergy issues. That in itself would be a win. I found an easy crock pot bone broth recipe so I should be good to go! Now all I need to do is learn how to eat air and I'm off to the races. Food is much like money. It's necessary but it sure does cause a lot of strife.

Proverbs 22:
Bring on the shock collars
"A youngster's heart is filled with foolishness, but physical discipline will drive it far away."
‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭22:15‬ ‭

Lord create in me a pure heart and a mouth with gracious speech. So far from that!

"Whoever loves a pure heart and gracious speech will have the king as a friend."
‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭22:11‬ ‭NLT‬‬

Psalms 22:
Love this verse
"I was thrust into your arms at my birth. You have been my God from the moment I was born."
‭‭Psalms‬ ‭22:10‬ ‭NLT‬‬

I forget how prophetic this Psalm is. Lots of sorrow contained in this chapter. It ends with a bang though.

"Let the rich of the earth feast and worship. Bow before him, all who are mortal, all whose lives will end as dust. Our children will also serve him. Future generations will hear about the wonders of the Lord. His righteous acts will be told to those not yet born. They will hear about everything he has done."
‭‭Psalms‬ ‭22:29-31‬ ‭NLT‬‬

Amen and Amen! Jesus come quickly!

D


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Thursday, January 21, 2016

Numb

Thankful for sweet friends willing to drop off paperwork and serve my frazzled bum. It has been settled that the dr papers will be dropped off tomorrow. I've had an escalation of annoying issues that is pushing me over the edge. I've got a fun numb/burning/cold feeling in my arms and legs which is super awesome. It could be a number of things but since it's all day and night now I might go absolutely bonkers. Really I might.

Last night when Mudgey woke me up I was angry at every single person who was sleeping. Not much later the dog puked all over the house including on the pallet the kids were sleeping on and I was angry at the evil dog for waking everyone up. Be careful what you wish for. On that note I'm cashing in my chips and calling it a night.

Lots of great stuff in the 21st chapter of Proverbs and Psalms.

Praising God for this:
"No human wisdom or understanding or plan can stand against the LORD."
‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭21:30‬ ‭NLT‬‬

D



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Wednesday, January 20, 2016

Tapped

I don't know if I have adrenal fatigue or not but it sure does feel that way. It could be sheer exhaustion but I feel like if I hit one more bump in the road I might come completely unhinged. My hubs was joking tonight about "bad news" which was pretty funny actually but before the punchline came I felt like I needed to hit the deck. Something is definitely off because I feel like I could jump out of my own skin. Have I turned my paperwork in yet? Nope. I need to just drop it off but that seems like the biggest hurdle in the world. I stink at follow through.

Good day. Routine is off a bit BUT still getting school mostly done. I feel like it's a home run considering my mom is here and I have a poor little sick Mudge. By his temperament today I don't think a good night sleep is in my future. Eh. Sleep is for the weak. Or rather the weak are who need sleep. Sign me up!

Still trying to figure out this prayer thing. There are places where it's natural and common for me to pray just would like a more systematic approach. I often feel like I have extra special ADD when I pray these days.

Psalms 20 is a sweet comfort.

These verses stood out the most in Proverbs 20:

"The LORD directs our steps, so why try to understand everything along the way?"
‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭20:24‬ ‭NLT‬‬

This verse is a good word for me as I've found myself asking "now what was that for".

Watched Cinderella last night and this verse kinda goes along as I ponder what it means to be kind.

"Avoiding a fight is a mark of honor; only fools insist on quarreling."
‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭20:3‬ ‭NLT‬‬

I want to learn how to be kind like Ella was kind. Often I'm just grumpy and spicy. Not who I want to be.

Need sleep so off to go get me some.

D

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Tuesday, January 19, 2016

Slurpy

Sweet baby Mudgey has been a sweet cranker pants for most of the day. I'm worn out and slurpy. Got most of a full day of school in. I was happy with what we did get done considering a sad baby and Grammy as a wonderful distraction. Rough day with one of my minions today. I have a hard time with this kid in regards to discipline. I have such a soft spot for him but I struggle with knowing where to meet him where he is. He will work any angle to his advantage so hard to know what is ability verses sheer willfulness. Today there was lots of willfulness. It's hard to see this one in particular soften either so it's frustrating. This verse tonight is on my mind.

"Discipline your children while there is hope. Otherwise you will ruin their lives."
‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭19:18‬ ‭NLT‬‬

I'd much rather discipline this kid now than ruin his life. I also don't want to heap a bunch of consequences on him and discourage him if it's truly not a heart issue. God give me wisdom and discernment with that boy and for all of them. Help me to be consistent, faithful, loving, Grace filled and firm. Help me to disciple them.

I've seen this in my own life and my own home. Help us all to learn and grow Lord:
"People ruin their lives by their own foolishness and then are angry at the LORD."
‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭19:3‬ ‭NLT‬‬

I'm not a very sensible person at times. I pray this becomes me more and more:
"Sensible people control their temper; they earn respect by overlooking wrongs."
‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭19:11‬ ‭NLT‬‬

I loved Psalms 19. Reminded me of the second half of Romans 1. Listened to Ruth tonight as well. I love that book. Would love to dig into Psalms 19 but exhausted. Praying for so many this evening.

D



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The Rent

My mom got safely in town. Lighthearted with plenty of laughs so far. Thankful for that! Kids have been on edge and excited all day. Thankful for my hubs who served me like crazy despite still not being 100 percent.

Proverbs 18:
The theme of the mouth keeps coming up. This is a good one for me to keep to heart.
"Fools find no pleasure in understanding but delight in airing their own opinions."
‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭18:2‬ ‭NIV‬‬

Ps 18:
So thankful for this truth:
"As for God, his way is perfect: The Lord's word is flawless; he shields all who take refuge in him."
‭‭Psalm‬ ‭18:30‬ ‭NIV‬

Fading
D


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Sunday, January 17, 2016

It's Over

This really should be a serious post but I ain't got time for that nor do I feel like pouring my guts out in words today. Instead I'd rather laugh with my hubs and watch our BFF's Chip and Joanna. But good time today spilling my guts out to the Lord in my prayer closet and my sink altar. He sweetly brought clarity to a few things. The big looming things are still out their but I do trust it will all make sense one day. God is good all the time. Hoping to knock some thoughts out tomorrow.

Going to read Psalms 17, Proverbs 17 & Romans 1.

D

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Saturday, January 16, 2016

Entitlement

Chatted with the kids this morning about what entitlement is and we all shared about the different ways we feel entitled. It was a good exercise for all of us. Today I was reminded about how worked up I can get over things that are merely temporal. If I'm in this journey for the long haul this is only one short stop in light of eternity.

Psalms & Proverbs 16:
Lots of great stuff in both these chapters. Praying for some more of this tonight:
"Gracious words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones."
‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭16:24‬ ‭NIV‬‬

D

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Friday, January 15, 2016

If Only The Coffee Had Been Stronger

Today feels like wading in the mud. I just want to crank away as fast as we possibly can at school knowing Mudge doesn't feel great and is cranky. The other kids clearly didn't get the memo. I'm tired, my sinuses and my ear hurt something fierce. Overall sleep deprived and rundown and it's turning me into Eeyore. If only the coffee had been stronger.

Got a bummer phone call today that the home group we visited a couple weeks ago is full. Wish we had never been invited. Kids had a great time and I'm so bummed for them. I so desperately wanted a win for them and for us. Frankly I don't care what group of people we land with but I do care that fit is good for our minions. I so want to ease or take away any church woundedness for them. Maybe that's the wrong goal here. I don't know. Today I'm discouraged and church seems too hard. I know being in the place I am physically is not helping. I know the Lord is good and I know He has a plan for us. I know the Church one day is going to be more phenomenal than I could ever imagine. Today I wish I could bypass the church with a little c and just skip ahead to the Church with a capital C. "Plugging in" anywhere already feels a bit repulsive but now the hurdle just feels bigger. Bleh. Tomorrow is another day and while today is still called today His grace is sufficient in my weaknesses, my hurts, my gross sinful nature, my repulsion and everything else. Maybe it's not easy because the Lord knows the grieving is not yet complete. The Lord is good all the time. All the time the Lord is good.

Immediately the Lord has been so gracious in reminding me that He is so in this with us. We are not forgotten or overlooked and His Sovereign hand is upon us. These verses popped into my head:

"Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint."
‭‭Isaiah‬ ‭40:30-31‬ ‭NIV‬‬

I decided to just read the whole chapter and it's as if the Lord Himself spoke directly to me. He is mighty and He is powerful. He created everything and yet He cares about every last detail of my life. His love is endless and He does indeed care.

"Comfort, comfort my people, says your God."
‭‭Isaiah‬ ‭40:1‬ ‭NIV‬‬

D



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Thursday, January 14, 2016

Maybe Just Maybe

I think, maybe, just maybe, we might slowly but surely getting into a routine. If it wasn't for a sick Mudge and a destructive half pint I'd think we were settling into a lovely groove. Good thing both of the Moms' are coming this month to shake things up. It's fun how excited the kids are for my mom to come. I'm looking forward to it too. I'm not detailing school like I normally do though. I'm going to keep charging forward and let Grammy play zone with the littles. She's going to go home exhausted, muhahahaha!!!

Today was good and it was great to be able to kick my kids outside to run. One of my kiddos even mentioned how good it had made him feel. Maybe I should take the hint myself. I would love to get back to running again someday but I fear those days may be over. It might be elliptical city for me. Last time I ran after Lilly I might have pushed it too hard at 4 miles and things just haven't been the same since. Rocca to you gravity and age!!! The babies were worth it.

I must say I am darn proud of myself for an entire day of school INCLUDING language arts. I've been trying to get it in before the very last thing and I must say it helps. Somebody else may have to teach my kids about poems though. The stress unstress and iambic pentameter and schemes and when to put a comma or period is a foreign language to me.

Trying to decide about sports or not. Bleh! I like the sports but not a huge fan of being committed to a schedule. Blerg! One kiddo in particular is one that I would have in sports all year round. He's got lots of intensity and energy and having something to focus on does that kid some good. Maybe running can be his thing.

Proverbs 14:
I unfortunately could take heed to this
"A fool's mouth lashes out with pride, but the lips of the wise protect them."
‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭14:3‬ ‭NIV‬‬

Squirrel city, Psalms 14 and my hubs read Romans 14 to me which was pretty awesome. So thankful for God's Word!!!

D




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Wednesday, January 13, 2016

Blah To The Bleb!!!

1. Up late last night trying to get my boob issues under control. I don't know if I have a reoccurring bleb (milk blister) or if I have one that has just lingered and flared. I generally don't take pain meds for anything and wait till I have an excruciating headache before I take anything. I could not find the Motrin bottle fast enough last night. I think after heat and various concoctions the bleb is now gone. Continuing with various potions and ordered lecithin last night. A bleb gone wild is just about awful. I'm not convinced it's due to thrush but that's the only thing I could come up with that makes much sense. It could be Mudgey's latch. He's not very kind when it comes to his nursing decorum. He's a squeezing, biting, yanking kinda baby. Most nursing sessions I'm just trying to get through without him drawing blood so I could see where poor latch could be the culprit. I don't know if I'm tough enough to handle another blister. I think I'd rather give birth.

2. Better day but I think mostly my expectations were set better. Ratcheting up the discipline hasn't hurt either. A couple kiddos had the beginnings of the funk and Paul even napped after breakfast. The hubs sounded almost as bad as the dog and tonight the Bit is crying about her ear. Needless to say expectations were low. We got in some good bible and after that I decided that anything else would be icing on the cake. This really should be my approach everyday. We actually got everything in and one kid even got taught language arts. The other would have gotten his fair share of the arts too but dragged his feet cleaning his room. I really think this might have been one of our calmest evenings in a good long while. Thankful.

3. Tired and grumpy and not feeling fantastic. Bummer to be grumpy when in many ways today felt like a win. It was hard and the sink is still overflowing and the laundry clean and dirty might do us all in but a little perspective and appropriate expectations can go a long long way.

Reading then fingers crossed bed. Mudgey still having rough nights but I think we are finally on the upswing with him. He still struggled today but overall seemed better. I didn't find myself checking his forehead for a temp that would be an indicator of a secondary infection like I have been the last several days.

Psalm 13:
David wonders how long the Lord will hide His face. It's a psalm of sorrow and despair but ends in hope.

"But I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation. I will sing the Lord's praise, for he has been good to me."
‭‭Psalm‬ ‭13:5-6‬ ‭NIV‬‬

Praise is again where the victory is won while still deep in the trenches of the battlefield. The Lord is good!

Proverbs 13:
I feel like I could learn a lot from the example of my hubs on this:

"Those who guard their lips preserve their lives, but those who speak rashly will come to ruin."
‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭13:3‬ ‭NIV‬‬

I've heard from numerous people now that when there is a heavy conversation my hubs may not say much bc often he deliberately sits and listens but when he does speak his words hold a lot of weight. I'd love to learn how to shut up more and listen. It would be pretty awesome to be known as having wise words. Too often I speak too much and have diarrhea of the mouth. Less talking means less chance to regret what has been said. Really pray that the Lord helps me with rash words around my children.

D

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Tuesday, January 12, 2016

Let's Not Sugar Coat It

So not going to sugar coat today, it was a beating. I think the beat down has been exacerbated by lack of sleep issues. Im also the big looser in playing pass the thrush. I'm just a freaking peach right now.

Felt like crying today at one point when I realized I hadn't yet put the two loads of pee bedding in and the sink was still overflowing from the morning. Once I realized my desire to meltdown was probably due to lack of sleep I felt better. Been hard to get much done with a grumpy Mudge. Hoping the virus has peaked at this point and after today he's headed in the get better direction.

After hearing Buster make his death noises over and over again early this morning my hubs took him into the vet first thing. We were expecting today to be "the day" but it's just a respiratory infection. After some shots and a round of meds he should be better. I already feel frazzled and hearing his awful dying noise has been a bit much today. He just did it again and it seriously might make me come unglued. I would rather hear all of my kids scream a high pitch scream than hear the death noise. I'm going to have to go live in a hotel till he gets better.

Feel like I didn't spend much time with my biggest two today. I really hate that. Speaking of bigs I really do think the Bit beats Luke on toddler destruction. I think Luke could have rivaled her though if I had been homeschooling when he was a toddler. I simply can't keep up with her destruction zone. Good thing for her, her brother has already broken us in and she's so darn cute.
-----

Well, after cleaning up death puke that had me gagging, me and my painful nip are going to bed. Maybe falling asleep to my BFF's Chip & Joanna will be the silver lining.

To help with the awful case of the curmudgeons:
1. God has blessed us with clothes, towels and sheets that keep us warm during the day and at night.

2. Thanks to the blessing of sweet friends we have a working washer and dryer.

3. We ate three meals today and I'm not going to bed tonight worried about whether or not my kids will eat tomorrow.

4. Thankful for a good vet. This is truly awful but it's honest, I'm not all that thankful that today wasn't the day. If I didn't think the puke and awful noise wasn't going to send me over the edge I'd be thankful he's still alive. He's locked in the bathroom and his painting is not awesome either. Poor dog. Mean awful owner. Blaming it on being frazzled.

5. I'm so thankful for my Lilly Bit. I get choked up every time I think about God sustaining her during the pertussis ordeal. Life with her can be crazy at times but she's brings so much life and laughter to our home. She's an absolute joy and an absolute stinker.

6. I'm so thankful my Mudgey has good health. I could be up night after night like I was with LB or worse with a terminally ill child. We have been blessed so richly with seven healthy and wonderful children.

7. Thankful that tomorrow is a new beginning. Even if tomorrow is another whip of a day I know the Lord will be my provision through it all. We have so many many reasons to give thanks.

8. Thankful for my sweet hubs who cleaned up puke too, took a dog to the vet and helped get kids in bed while I got the Mudgey to bed all while feeling awful himself.

Now that's better.

D

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Monday, January 11, 2016

Monday Monday

Today was so a Monday. As difficult as it can be to get everyone's act together to get out the door in the morning to get to PATH at least it makes our Monday's not as painful. Or rather at least I don't feel like digging a hole and climbing into it. Really it isn't all that bad but my golly it was a whip today. The win today was starting off in prayer with all my minions. Really sweet way to start our day. After that it went downhill. Poor Mudge was well Mudgey. Kids were exhausted and cranky. I was cranky and exhausted as nights of fitful sleep with Mudge are stacking up. Lilly did an extra special job of tearing apart the house room by room today. Tonight I'm trying to fight off the plague called Mommy Guilt. One kid feels like he's stupid, another kid is a defiant stinkpot right now, another is angry, another is anxious, one is a screamer, and one could wreck a house in under 30 seconds. None of them obey. Not all of that is my fault but some of it is. Bleh! Raising little humans is the hardest job around. It's also the most amazing job around. I'm so thankful but I'm so whooped today.

I read Psalm 11 this morning and tonight and Proverbs 11.

Need to try to sleep because it's going to be another night of lots of wake ups. Poor little Mudgey.

D

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Sunday, January 10, 2016

Schlubbing

So lazy this weekend. No church. I should have sucked it up and encouraged everyone to get up and going but my warm bed felt awesome and I was tired from another restless night from Mudgey. Poor dude is so congested. I'm sure we saved the masses from whatever twenty viruses we are harboring right now. 

This is funny or not funny however you look at it. I've been joking about being Meemaw and how my bunions are acting up. The joints in my big toes have been aching a lot lately so I thought it was funny that I might actually be working on some bunions. I might be but the aches have spread to other bones in my feet and my hands. Maybe it's bunions and the arthritty. Who knows? I did randomly read about the wonders of bone broth and how it helps arthritis, does your taxes, solves world peace and many other wonderful things so I'm on it! Sad I threw chicken bones in the trash the other day. No, I haven't turned in my doctor forms yet. I filled them out so quickly but the complete follow through has never been my strong suit. I know some of my feet dragging is not wanting to drop hundred dollar bills right now trying to crack the code on my issues especially since bone broth is obviously the cure. I did finally drop the gluten on Weds and the plan is to be GF for a year or five days shy of a year. 

Today putting coconut oil on Mudgey's dry ankles I was reminded about how badly my boys hands and feet were peeling last year from stress. He wanted to talk again today about everything. I think he's processing things as well as he can given his age. He wishes we were still at WM. In fact, of all the kids he longs to go back the most. I haven't quite understood why until today. He wants to just go back to the way things were before and pretend nothing ever happened. I get it. I wanted to do that too. I do think as he continues to put things together no longer going will make perfect sense to him. If things had gone differently I don't think it would have been good to stay for his sake. I don't know. I do know that in everything I can say that God is so very good. I know Him more now than I ever have. If I could take away my kid being crushed then I could probably give thanks for the circumstances. It's one thing to get knocked over with a good punch from life but it's something completely different when your kid gets pummeled as well. Thankful that the Lord understands more than I could ever imagine. He is good all the time. 

Read Romans 1 a couple times then read Keller's commentary. I can see Keller's covenant theology come through in his book. I don't have enough brain power to go through dispensational verses covenant theology with a fine tooth comb but I may be more of a covenant theology girl. It definitely is more my speed at least in the simplest of my understanding. 

There is lots of James, Romans, Proverbs and Psalms colliding together in my head. I don't have any handles yet but it's all rolling around trying to connect dots. This verse caught my eye today and interestingly enough was in the chapter I read today in Keller's book.

"For I am not ashamed of the gospel, because it is the power of God that brings salvation to everyone who believes: first to the Jew, then to the Gentile."
‭‭Romans‬ ‭1:16‬ ‭NIV‬‬

Really chewing on there being power in the gospel message not only to save but also to equip followers towards obedience. That makes me think of this verse:

"For the word of God is alive and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart."
‭‭Hebrews‬ ‭4:12‬ ‭NIV‬‬

If God's word is alive and active and it's powerful am I reading it that way? Am I approaching my time in the Word believing it has power, believing that it's living and active? Then there's this:

"In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. He was with God in the beginning. Through him all things were made; without him nothing was made that has been made. In him was life, and that life was the light of all mankind. The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it."
‭‭John‬ ‭1:1-5‬ ‭NIV‬‬

Why do I approach reading my bible with such contempt? There are people groups around the world who rejoice over a single copy of the New Testament in their language. I have access to as many bibles as I could possibly imagine and most days I'm ho hum about reading it. I know the adversary is cunning in his ways to keep my heart from fully engaging. It's because the Word IS powerful. It IS active. It IS transformational. The Word is wisdom crying out. It's beautiful. 

Proverbs 10:
The ways of the righteous are compared and contrasted to the ways of the wicked. Lots of fantastic parenting verses in this chapter. Great verses for me on the mouth. 

Psalms 10:
Couldn't help but think about Kony as I read this. How horrible for villages to be raided and children to be taken to be soldiers. 

Jesus come quickly but until then thank you for the gift of today. May we burn with the indebtedness to share the gospel with others.

D

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Saturday, January 09, 2016

Four

Four big bags of c-rap was taken out of my closet today. Dang it feels good to be a purger. I'm sure I could go do another pass but for now thankful for some progress. Reading a book on purging with kids so I can move forward without fear of damaging them forever. The book I'm reading talks about becoming a minimalist. It sounds more and more appealing the more and more stuff we accumulate.

So my hubs has done some research and supposedly Weatchman Nee got into some pretty crazy theology as he progressed. Bummed. I am thankful for what I've read so far. Loved being able to make sense of the salvation through faith and not works but works proving your faith. The simplicity of viewing the blood of Christ as my righteousness and the cross of Christ where I must daily die was beautiful. I am tempted to keep reading knowing that his later works are kooky but with such limited time available if rather spend it on reading something. Maybe later on I'll have more time and interest to plunge ahead.

I was listening to the book of James tonight and this verse stood out in light of Nee and other teachers/pastors/ect:

"Not many of you should become teachers, my fellow believers, because you know that we who teach will be judged more strictly."
‭‭James‬ ‭3:1‬ ‭NIV‬‬

I never caught this before but directly after this verse James goes on to speak about the tongue and our speech. What a huge responsibility to be a teacher. I can only imagine how much Satan desires to confuse and twist truth, let egos grow, and lack of rest and reliance on the Lord let temptations give birth to sin. Praying for teachers of the gospel around the world tonight.

Not being stain by the world has been something that often rolls around in my head. It's so easy to get sucked in and not even know it. I know I fall prey to the comforts and pleasures of this world all the time. Lord let me not be deceived. I know that I am. Give us courage to live a countercultural life. Let us not fall prey to the folly of this world but embrace the wisdom that you have to offer us.

"I will give thanks to you, Lord, with all my heart; I will tell of all your wonderful deeds."
‭‭Psalm‬ ‭9:1‬ ‭NIV‬

So many friends on my heart tonight. May you guide them through their season of mourning and give them reason to rejoice of your faithfulness.

D




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Friday, January 08, 2016

L O V E

Watched Interstellar again tonight. Just as much pondering this time as last time. Love is the big common denominator. Funny before we watched I read Proverbs and it talked about how wisdom calls out to all of us. If I take that idea and the theme of Interstellar then what I'm left with is creation that screams of the love of God. If He is love and He created everything than love cries out from everywhere just like wisdom does. It's weaved into the story of everyone. Love overcomes evil. Oh how love must grieve when backs are turned away from something so wonderful.

There's so many many thoughts but I simple can't get them out with a baby with a horrible sounding cough and a wild toddler who is still kicking it.

Here's a few of the many things not including my ponderings.

1. Overwhelmed by God's love tonight. Heart full and fit to burst.

2. The same heart fit to burst is so grieved for precious friends tonight. The world is full of so much pain amongst the great love. Jesus please come quickly.

3. I hate that Mudgey's cough has caused icy fear to creep in. This world is hard and I'm more aware than ever that suffering is abundant this side of heaven.

4. Mudgey is a biter and quite the pincher which makes motherhood more of an adventure than I would personally sign up for. Good thing this dude is so incredibly cute. So thankful.

"Lord, our Lord, how majestic is your name in all the earth! You have set your glory in the heavens."
‭‭Psalm‬ ‭8:1‬ ‭NIV‬‬

I praise you for this day but Jesus please come quickly!

D

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Thursday, January 07, 2016

Wild Goose Chase

Moms night out tonight that was fun. Fun to be with a group of Momma's who are like minded. It was a bit of a wild goose chase to get there with a screaming baby but life's an adventure! Thankful for sweet friends to laugh with and walk with in this crazy journey called homeschooling.

Epic trip to Costco today. It's been awhile so overflowing carts and vans. Thankful for money to go shopping. God has been so gracious to us.

My oldest boy looked pretty awful when I got home tonight. If he was running a fever I'd put my money on the flu. Hoping his croupy cough doesn't get worse. Mudgey has a pretty yucky cough too. Neither of them are super snotty just the cough. Tis the season. I had something last week that was just in my chest so maybe they caught it from me. I'll try not to overthink Mudge catching a cough from me.

Proverbs 7:
I have probably written this before but I think I might always forget. I always get irritated when reading about the adulterous woman in Proverbs. Really it's because Proverbs is written by Solomon and is was one of the biggest man whores around. I get culturally Kings had a lot of women back in the day but still. It's gross and so reading these words feels like a hypocrite giving wisdom that he can't even follow. So fun to bring my baggage with me while reading the bible. Bleh!


Psalm 7:
Still need to figure out this prayer thing and better yet this praise thing.

"I will give thanks to the Lord because of his righteousness; I will sing the praises of the name of the Lord Most High."
‭‭Psalm‬ ‭7:17‬ ‭NIV‬‬


Zzzzzz
D




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Wednesday, January 06, 2016

Why?

1. Why are my children still up?

2. My brain hurts and doing this tonight is almost painful.

3. Today was a mixed bag. Tired kids and a tired momma made for a super fun mix.

4. Hid in my room this afternoon trying to get rid of an angry clogged duct. I've got some issues going on and wondering if it's thrush related. I'm so over fungus. I've probably colonized all of us.

5. My oldest managed to rally the rowdies to clean the common areas and brought me a tray with a snack and water. I'm constantly impressed by that child. I wish I could take credit for her awesomeness but it's just who she is. Thankful for the gift of her.

6. All my children are in my room now. Thank you son for sharing your nightmares with your siblings before bed. I gotta admit it was a scary dream. It's scary for me to think about so maybe I'm glad they are all in here safe and sound tonight. Thankful for these crazies.

7. Mudge was a Mudge today. He's the sweetest and cutest grumpy baby there ever was.

Psalms 6 & Proverbs 6:
More on the adulterous woman is making me rethink Proverbs. Dwelling on being a sluggard. I think I can so easily fall into that camp of sloth. Wish I was bent to be more naturally industrious.

D

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Tuesday, January 05, 2016

The Hardest Part

I'm convinced the hardest part of homeschooling is language arts. We would have completed another full day of school but I just couldn't bring myself to do language arts with the bigs. It bores me to tears, it bores them to tears and frankly I just stink at it. I need to figure out a way to suck it up and push through my hatred of grammar though. They don't need to grow up to become the language police but they also need to learn how to communicate effectively or well enough to give them credibility. Maybe the Echo will get smart enough that ALEXA can teach my children correct use of language.

Today was overall okay but full of joy. I thank God for the gift of that. Crazy the difference a year can make. Lots of thoughts rolling through my head but phone about to die and I would be wise to sleep. Overall so very thankful for the gift of today. Thankful that His ways are not mine. Thankful that He can use even the hardest of situations in life and use them for good. God is good. All the time He is good.

Proverbs 5:
In this chapter Sol tells his son about the adulterous woman and what happens to the fool who chooses not to listen to instruction. This verse is describing the adulterous woman but causes me distress to think about.

"She gives no thought to the way of life; her paths wander aimlessly, but she does not know it."
‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭5:6‬ ‭NIV‬

I feel like this dang phone is exactly what this verse describes. It's an aimless time suck that leads to little importance. I hate it. Hate it for my kids and the future.

Psalms 5:
"But let all who take refuge in you be glad; let them ever sing for joy. Spread your protection over them, that those who love your name may rejoice in you."
‭‭Psalm‬ ‭5:11‬ ‭NIV‬‬

Amen and Amen!

Jesus Come Quickly! Until then thank you for the gift of today.

D

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Monday, January 04, 2016

Booty Stomp

Today kicked my tail. I was ready for bedtime at 9:30am. Started the day off with having to do three loads of laundry just for wet beds. The littles had a crying opera all day and frankly after two weeks of vacation easy I wasn't ready for re-entry. Gretchen didn't help matters much. BUT we got a full day of school in dang it and kids have listened to audio books all day long.

Still not gluten free. I'm definitely feeling the price of it. I started the day off well but since I haven't been to the store there's slim pickins for even regular meals. Tonight all I could scratch together for dinner was pasta and I was so over the day and hungry that I decided that I need to hit a grocery store and be prepared. I really do just feel like I'm an entire month behind on life. Speaking of being behind still have lesson plans do. Wahoo!!

Proverbs 4:
"Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it."
‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭4:23‬ ‭NIV‬‬

What things in my life would change if I always had the idea of guarding my heart at the forefront of my mind?

Psalms 4:
"In peace I will lie down and sleep, for you alone, Lord, make me dwell in safety."
‭‭Psalm‬ ‭4:8‬ ‭NIV

Praying for rest for all of you sweet friends.

D



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Sunday, January 03, 2016

Letting Go

A couple days ago I finally unsubscribed to the Journey. It felt empowering in the moment but I think there is so much more to no longer being on an email subscription. I think letting go of the last and final email connection is me finally fully letting go. Letting go has unexpectedly lead to a new sense of freedom that I wasn't expecting. Stepping back I can see how I've held on for dear life with one hand while I've shoved myself away with another. I haven't wanted to fully let go and accept things for what they are and yet I know full well things can never go back. I think I'm ready to stop looking back and move forward. I don't know why things have happened the way that they have and yet I know the Lord has His reasons. I do feel as if the Lord's right hand has shaded us in many ways and has guided our path. We've stumbled along the way but the Lord is ever faithful and gracious. Surrender is a beautiful place. Wish I didn't kick and scream so much.

Crawling out of all of this I do see how much I struggle with feeling invalidated in general. Definitely comes from growing up and I think where my desire to fight for what I deserve or self protect or frankly to just fight comes from that. Good to be aware of where some of my fight or flight comes from and where my anger/rage can well up. The Lord has been incredibly gracious in blessing me with a husband who is incredibly validating. I can only imagine the kind of struggles we would have if he invalidated me. It makes me want to come up swinging punches. I can be an invalidator. I had a friend who loved me enough once to tell me that I could invalidate. I do pray that the Lord has grown me over the years and that has changed little by little. I know that comes from a place of self protection and pride. Doesn't pride just try to protect us? What a mess! I'm so thankful for the Lord's grace and mercy. He is so incredibly slow to anger. He is gentle and kind to His children. 

I'm so not ready to get school started tomorrow. Tomorrow could be interesting for all of us. Can't stay in vacation land forever but I sure wish you could!

Proverbs 3:
I could highlight this entire chapter. Since I have plenty of passes to make I'm going to dwell on these verses:

"Let love and faithfulness never leave you; bind them around your neck, write them on the tablet of your heart. Then you will win favor and a good name in the sight of God and man."
‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭3:3-4‬ ‭NIV‬‬

This is the simple definition of faithful:
  • : having or showing true and constant support or loyalty

  • : deserving trust : keeping your promises or doing what you are supposed to do
    Lord help me to love more and more like you do. May I grow to be faithful. May I grow in favor amongst man but not for my glory but for yours. May I stand firm against persecution for your sake. May I live my life in such a way that I am not a stumbling block for them. The thought of being a stumbling block is heartbreaking.
    Psalms 3:David feels pressed on all sides by his enemies and yet before he even prays for deliverance or victory he thanks God and praises Him. I can hear Paul's words echo in my head. Rejoice! And AGAIN I say rejoice! Give thanks in all circumstances. This indeed is the secret. 
    Haven't started lesson plans that are due tomorrow. Ho hum...
    D





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Saturday, January 02, 2016

Five Months of Mudge

I can't believe this kid is five months already. It seems impossible. Besides a hard transition for one kid his entrance into our family has been rather smooth. Look at him, he's adored by six sibs and two parents how hard of a transition could it be. His transition probably seems super easy after everything with Lilly. Perspective is something isn't it?

Heart aching for a friend tonight. Jesus come quickly. I am thankful that the reason He hasn't come yet is so that as many people as possible can come to know Him.

Not a lot of words for today. Super tired. Gretchen is wearing me out. Read Psalms 2 and Proverbs 2 and Romans 1. Interesting how the chapters are running together in my head tonight and actually got together.
Psalms 2:
It's about the nations who choose their own paths and want to break away from the decrees of the Lord. In the end the Lord will have vengeance on the nations who have chosen to mock and turn their backs upon the Lord.

Proverbs 2:
This chapter talks about availing yourself to wisdom and searching for it. God will gladly give wisdom to those who ask for it. Wisdom will light your path and help protect you from the traps of this world. The wisdom of the Lord is available to everyone and creation screams of the Lord so there will be no excuses for mockers.

Romans 1:
The last half deals with the Lord giving over the people who refuse him to the depravity of their own minds. They will reject wisdom and walk in the most treacherous of ways which will lead to their own destruction and death.

Read some of Romans for you. Didn't want to at first but got into it. I'm just tired and using my brain did not seem pleasant. I do love learning the accurate meaning of the words translated in the bible. Will have to elaborate later on the actual word gospel. Phone about to die though and way too lazy to get my charger. Till tomorrow.

D
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Friday, January 01, 2016

Sparkle Sweater Needs Another Month

So I got a sparkly sweater the other day and I've had the same response by people that I love and who love me. The sparkles are either very much unlike me or I didn't realize just how sparkly it is. It might be both. Regardless I think sparkle sweater makes a fantastic secret agent name.

Thankful for extended time with a cherished friend today. Love love love that girl and even though we chatted for quite awhile I feel like I could have chatted for ten more hours just getting caught up. We talked about our plans for this year and I'd like to say both of us have a solid plan now after chatting but it still feels very scattered. I do like the idea of going month by month and tweaking as I go. I think setting goals are good but often hate how they can feel restrictive too. Eh.

Here's what I got:
1. Study the book of Romans. The weekends seem like a logical time to outline chapters, read commentaries, ect. I'm planning on hitting a chapter or two a month.

2. For now I'm going to see how reading the Psalm and Proverb or the day works. I'd also like to read/listen to entire books of the bible in one or two sittings. I like the idea of going microscopic in one book and zooming out and getting a broader overarching glance at other books. I definitely think this will need to be tweaked but for January this will work.

3. This week I'm going to be mindful of rhythms of discovering natural times through out my day to pause for prayer and praise. I haven't kept a prayer journal like ever but considering this as it fits in well with praise. The Lord continually answers my prayer and it would do me good to see it written out somewhere.

4. Scripture memory has been a beastly beast to get a handle on. Going to go for easy and attainable and something our whole family can do. I asked my hubs for input and he landed on memorizing the one another's. Those verses will be fantastic to use daily in our home.

5. I'd like to get better at practicing hospitality but I feel self conscious with paint peeling off our walls along with other kid destruction AND feeling like the little old woman who lived in the shoe. One of my neighbors has a bday this month and last year we threw her a bday party so would like to do that again. So with this maybe one month at a time is best. Our home has been very well worn but I don't want stupid excuses to keep us from loving others and enjoying people in our home, mess or not.

6. Making strides towards better self care is on the list too. Will have a better plan mapped out hopefully this weekend. Starting Monday I do plan on being GF for the rest of the year. It's gonna be so much fun!!!

7. Need to keep chewing on stuff for hubs and minions. I would love to pursue all of them in more intentional ways.

8. A friend of mine is taking away a beloved idol from her kids this year. I can't help but wonder what Ashera Poles need to be cut down in my life. This might end up being my eight.

On another note this was one of the first sights of 2016.