Friday, May 27, 2016

Hot Glueing Beast

1. Hot glue burns like lava. Myself and two of my children have thoroughly investigated and researched this subject.

2. The costume monkey is off my back. I think I could do backflips of joy!!!

3. I'll only admit this once but I feel slightly empowered by my hot glue gun skills that have emerged. I haven't mastered the art of not burning the snot out of myself yet but I've discovered I can be a hot glueing beast if necessary.

4. Glad I didn't know about the costumes before diving into RPL. Thankful for more opportunity to make friends outside of my Christian bubble. May our lights so shine so that others may see our good deeds and glorify our Father in Heaven!

5. Nice to have a dog in the house again.

Proverbs 27:
Definitely checking the box tonight. I'd still much rather check the box than not read at all.

"The crucible is for silver, and the furnace is for gold, and a man is tested by his praise."
‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭27:21‬ ‭ESV‬‬

Praise is a strange beast. My spirit desires to flee from it and yet my flesh craves it.

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Fret Not

Really dwelling on not fretting today. It has so many many implications. Fret not when evil men prosper. Lots and lots to think in. Read Psalm 37 again since its been such an encouragement.

Almost done with the crazy costuming. Costuming with a friend today and baseball. Another loooong day tomorrow but the monkeys are starting to fall off my back. Ooh ooh ah ah!!

Jesus is pretty awesome. Thankful for time at RPL. Feel as if it's a pretty big mission field. Lord help me to love and serve well.


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Thursday, May 26, 2016

Costuming With ADD

This is what trying to figure out costumes for multiple kids looks like at 1am. 

A "normal" person might start one costume and finish it. But if the person is like me you just might make a mess in your living room and hall way while trying to work on three things at once. I'm thankful for a wonderful friend who is sewing most of the fifth kids costume. She is a lifesaver!!!

Think any of those costumes will get finished tonight? Bahahahaha!!! That's a good one. 

Realizing on my way home from the Walmart that I need time and space to create and to dream. I don't consider myself much of a creator of things necessarily but pondering if my idea of what art, creativity and creating is might a bit off. I think I might be languishing on the vine because I just haven't had space to think and dream. Feeling very boxed in by commitments right now. I do like RPL AND baseball but I'm definitely not a Momma who thrives on being hemmed in by other people's schedules. I need flexibility, wiggle room and space to breath just as much as some love lots of structure and rigidity. I know structure is good but too much kills my spirit. Almost forty and still unlocking the mysteries of myself. 

Psalms 37:
So grateful for this psalm to end my day with. Fret not over the wicked and wait for the Lord. Beautiful.

"Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him; fret not yourself over the one who prospers in his way, over the man who carries out evil devices! Refrain from anger, and forsake wrath! Fret not yourself; it tends only to evil."
‭‭Psalms‬ ‭37:7-8‬ ‭ESV‬‬


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Tuesday, May 24, 2016

Quiet Deprived

Needing a break from my darling little children. If they came with a mute button and I could mute them for a good 24-48 hours I'd be golden. Feeling a little talk and touched out and dreaming of tropical beach vacations ALONE! I really just need some good extended time alone to be able to think. I think I'm so grumpy because I haven't had time to think without constantly being interrupted by somebody or something. I must be quiet deprived or worse nature deprived. Or maybe I'm just grumpy. 

Read this morning and was blown way by Proverbs 24. Of course I can't remember what I read. It's a sad state of affairs. 

I'm still really churning on this bathroom issue. People who claim Christ are all over the spectrum on this. Some say #letthempee, some stay silent, others are very vocal and some are flat out hateful. I know I can easily switch into black and white mode and care more about being right. Really what would Jesus do in this situation? I know He would befriend and break bread with those who struggle and flounder in darkness. Yet, Jesus wouldn't condone sin either and He would speak truth even if that truth was unpopular. I read one article that I couldn't completely get behind. It basically stated that if a gay couple wanted you to bake a wedding cake then you should bake two. Eh. Not sure if I'm buying that. It all depends on the heart. If you aren't baking the cake simply out of spite or hate that's not a good reason. But if to you baking that cake is like selling a cow that will be offered for idol worship and feels sinful then you better stand up and not bake that cake. I do think the author is spot on about rejoicing in persecution. I hope to embrace that joy in persecution knowing that the reward is great in heaven. I am still incredibly saddened by the recent events occurring in our country. Sin will be the judgement of today's youth. Lord help them. Rise up leaders to teach and to guide. Help my children learn to hear your voice and be able to discern light from darkness. 

My hubs had an interesting conversation with a dad that is helping to coach. He goes to Cuba every year on missions. The churches and pastors in Cuba are very different there. During the week pastors actually go see the people in their flock. Not just the sick but they visit everyone so that they can know the people in their flock. There is a pastor that tried that here in the states and it changed his church in amazing ways. Just taking it all in. 

Proverbs 24:
Chewing on this verse -

"If you faint in the day of adversity, your strength is small."
‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭24:10‬ ‭ESV‬‬

What's interesting is throwing this verse in with the above -

"A wise man is full of strength, and a man of knowledge enhances his might,"
‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭24:5‬ ‭ESV‬‬

I have felt faint in this season. Interestingly enough I have come to realize I have been lacking much in knowledge. Self reliance has puffed me up. Strip that away and it deflates one easily. It's not a bad thing at all. Humbling to discover I'm still needing milk much like a child. 

This verse keeps haunting me.

"Rescue those who are being taken away to death; hold back those who are stumbling to the slaughter."
‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭24:11‬ ‭ESV‬


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Monday, May 23, 2016


The Boyz in the Sink Belly Button song has been stuck in my head on repeat. Oddly enough I have an itchy bug bite in my belly button which keeps triggering the lyrics. If I hadn't woken up with an ankle that is snap crackle and pop I feel as if I would have jumped up on the couch all day singing the song off and on. It is interesting to me how much of my normal every day life is tied to song lyrics.

This just reminded me of the YouTube video of the lady in the Chewbacca mask. I want to laugh just thinking about her laughing. I think we would be fast friends. Obviously the squirrels are in control of my brain today.

My never sleeps are chatting away in my room right now. Why is the question I keep asking.

Took stock on where we are school wise and we're not as far off as I had been thinking. I do hate that history has not taken more of a front seat but there's always next year right?

Cancelled a testing appointment today and in the process of scheduling with a different person. It's crazy how insurance can actually jack up prices. This person offers sibling discounts too. It makes me laugh but probably a reality. Who knew squirreling was genetic? I do feel good about the decision to assess especially given the long term view of things. It can be so freeing to know thyself.

No whole 30 start today. There will be a whole 30 dang it! I just know detoxing will not be the best thing next week. I know myself well too. I'll plan poorly and end up not eating and then I'll eat one of my children. I'm grumpy enough. My children should thank me.

James 4:
I love me some James. I have found myself quoting this verse to my kids quite a bit.

"What causes quarrels and what causes fights among you? Is it not this, that your passions are at war within you?"
‭‭James‬ ‭4:1‬ ‭ESV‬‬

We want what we want and often we don't want to relent. We don't ask God for the things we desire and when we do often we don't receive it because we just want to experience pleasure. Did James understand my idols of comfort and ease or what?

Stopping here for tonight even though the entire chapter offers an awesome dose of conviction. I do walk away from this chapter very much aware that I'm such a huge mess. When I first decided to dive all in with Jesus I knew I was a mess. I didn't understand how God could love this mess. Now I believe I'm even more of a mess than I ever could have possibly imagined but I know without a doubt I'm loved by God. Although I still don't fully understand why I embrace it whole heartedly. He loves me mess and all. Thankful.


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Sunday, May 22, 2016

I Wish To Go To The Festival

1. Melancholy today. Good day to be melancholy though.

2. Thankful for a sweet friend who watched my Brownies so I could grab some good grub with my beloved. I was a somber date but still so very good to grab time with him.

3. Thankful for rest today and for mount clean laundry being slayed.

4. Lots of thoughts today. Trying to make some sense out of chaos. Nothing but a bunch of chasing of the wind. Longing for Jesus to return today.

5. Into the Woods songs stuck in my head. I wish to go to the festival...

James 3:
Love this book. Fading but great verses.

"but no human being can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison. With it we bless our Lord and Father, and with it we curse people who are made in the likeness of God."
‭‭James‬ ‭3:8-9‬ ‭ESV‬‬

Lord you know my mouth can get me into so much trouble. Please help me to be slow to speak and quick to listen and to love!


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Saturday, May 21, 2016

Hospitality Redefined

Had friends over for dinner. I have often said that we are not great at hospitality. My hubs lovingly suggested I redefine hospitality. I love people in my home and I love breaking bread with people but the details involved with hosting are not my strong suit. I struggle with being a "good" homemaker. I limp along but I'm always twenty steps behind. But I love people and I love eating so combining the two is pretty awesome. I need to get over our dirty house and maybe be okay with take and bake pizza. Really people just want to hang out right? I sure hope so. I would really love to have people over more. I do feel like a broken record on that end. One day we'll have this thing figured out.

First ball game of the season. It wasn't too bad of a start considering only my boys have experience playing and one of mine hasn't played since t-ball. We've only had one practice prior to the game so I think overall although a loss we faired pretty decent. One of my boys took a ball straight to the face. You can see a mark on his face that was left by the laces. That kid most definitely earned his tough guy award today.

I may be grasping at straws BUT it occurred to be that the burning/numb/pins and needles sensation I've been dealing with since being pregnant with Noah also coincides with the time I've been on a certain allergy med. Started taking a different one yesterday and today was a better day. There's still a patch on my calf that has settled in really good BUT maybe just maybe I might be on to something.

Trying to decide if I'm going to do the Whole 30 starting Monday. A couple things have come up that will make it a bit more challenging to do. I could probably start cutting things and still be getting my body ready to jump in rather than go cold turkey. Need to get on that Hi!

Proverbs 21:
This gives me great comfort in light of the upcoming election.

"The king's heart is a stream of water in the hand of the Lord; he turns it wherever he will."
‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭21:1‬ ‭ESV‬‬


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Get That Monkey Off My Back

1. Thankful for a sweet friend and neighbor who sent down some B12 STAT! Made me smile all day thinking about it. I love my hood and I love my sweet friend who lives on my street!

2. Thankful for a sweet friend willing to listen and empathize. Such a blessing!

3. Thankful for a beautiful reminder today that God provides in all things even in silly things like costumes.

4. Thankful that the costume monkey will be off my back soon! I think I might survive!

5. Thankful for a sweet babysitter I can trust with my kiddos and for a night with friends.

6. Thankful for my hubs. There's nobody else I'd rather be in the trenches with.

7. Dallergies are whipping me!

Proverbs 20:
"Wine is a mocker, strong drink a brawler, and whoever is led astray by it is not wise."
‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭20:1‬ ‭ESV‬‬

If there was ever a time I wanted to take up an awful vice again it would be during this season. I reckon I'll just stick to cussing when the kids are in bed. I know God is good and I know He's on His throne. Thankful for His love, mercy, and grace.


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Thursday, May 19, 2016

Get Me Some B12 Stat!

I've been out of B12 for maybe about a week and I've noticed aches, pains, body aches, and extra special allergy ailments have kicked up. It could be a coincidence but I need some B12 stat! I feel like I used to feel when eating gluten. Possible I ate something with gluten? I have not missed feeling like Meemaw. Stink.

Failed trip to thrift to find a costume base later for my minions. Costume base layer? Who is this person writing this? Will the wonders never cease?! Failed base layers but great solo time with my biggest. She's a pretty amazing young lady.

Proverbs 19:
Even on the days I'm checking the box it's good for me to be entrenched in the word.

"Cease to hear instruction, my son, and you will stray from the words of knowledge."
‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭19:27‬ ‭ESV‬‬


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Wednesday, May 18, 2016

Bless This Mess

Sitting at the kitchen table with a Bit trying to nod off in my lap. Oh this girl. I think she might be the most persistent Brownie yet. She simply has no concept of the word no. In fact, no only presents itself as a grander obstacle to try to conquer. I think the Lord must have known I'd need a great deal of sanctification as a parent before having this precious child. How to help disciple this child and not crush her. Thankful for Jesus willing to neither leave me nor forsake me on this crazy and wonderful journey of parenthood.

Tuesday, May 17, 2016

I Can Not

I want to write a string of explicits. There's no reason in particular other than stress and I think it would feel good. Better than writing it would be screaming it.

It's been officially confirmed that I indeed have adrenal fatigue. Big shocker. My overall cell health is pretty poor too so there's some work that needs to be done. The strange thing about the adrenal fatigue is that since cutting gluten I've switched from being so insanely tired to being wired. I had no clue that some of my symptoms that I've been experiencing was due to adrenal fatigue. So basically I'm an exhausted lady stuck in a wired persons body. Even though my thick as mud brain fog has lifted a tad I'm even more scattered than usual because everything is racing at a thousand miles per hour. Awesome!

Lots and lots of thoughts on ADD. Crazy puzzle pieces and Ah Hah moments happening. This morning I was on the fence about getting one kid tested and walked away thinking two should be tested. As I was processing with a friend she almost burst out laughing as I was explaining how I have a hard time making decisions based upon looking into the future. I have lived most my life making decisions based on the here and now. I can't see much passed that. Total ADD trait. Thankful to understand myself better and thankful to have a game plan. My head is still spinning about it all but feel peace about where the chips are falling.

Lots and lots of kid stuff going on right now. Very much feel like we're playing whack a mole right now. Or I feel like I'm playing a game trying to keep seven balloons up in the air without any of them hitting the ground. And in the meantime trying to deal with one pressing thing after another while curve balls are being thrown in the middle of it all. I'm constantly feeling like I'm going to forget something major and I can't seem to get time and schedules of things to make sense in my head. I think having two activities rolling at once is one or two too many. I'm too scattered to be able to make my calendar work with so many have to's on it. It completely stresses me out. I know lots of families who have a lot more kid activities and schedules of things to juggle but I'm simply not wired that way. Actually maybe once my adrenal junk is back where it needs to be I'll be able to handle life better including managing the scheduling of life. Right now I want to find a brown paper bag and breath into it.

Thankful for new water heaters and hot water.

Thankful for a really sweet and diverse baseball team for the boys.

Thankful to watch my hubs coach. Seriously one of my favorite things.

Thankful for an incredible doctor who I feel cared for by. You can tell she really cares about her patients.

Thankful to be His kid who loves me regardless that I'm a huge mess.

Proverbs & thankfully sleep before 1am.


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I Can Not

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Monday, May 16, 2016

Consider It All Joy

I love the Lord's timing and His desire to grow the character trait of perseverance in me. We discovered today that our water heater has had it. Our major appliances must have planned some nefarious plan to go out one after another this year. I will admit I was easily tempted to wander down a road of discouragement. I read a great blog post yesterday about how one of satan's greatest weapons is discouragement. Being the stubborn gal that I am, realizing satan's strategy simply made me want to dig my heels in firmly. I will not be discouraged! Rather I will consider it pure joy. God knows every single one of our needs. He cares for the sparrows and clothes the flowers in the fields. He will indeed provide.

I can look back on my life and see how God has graciously provided for me in the good and even in the bad. In the moment, I want God to resolve my problems instantly. I want instant relief from financial stress, pain, hurt, discomfort, frustration, uncertainty, ect. Yet He beckons me to trust even when I can't see the big picture. He knows what is waiting down the road. He whispers to me to not rely on my own understanding but to simply trust Him in everything.

Today we celebrated my Lukey Boy. I praise God for the ways He has given me eyes to truly see my son for who he is. I grieve over the years of misunderstanding and yet I know the Lord will redeem the years the locusts have eaten. I'm not making the same mistakes with my other crazy sensory seeking child. Unfortunately the big ones are my Guinea pigs. I truly wish I had spent less time trying to listen to other people's ideas about parenting formulas and read my bible more. But alas, it takes a more seasoned parent to have the insight and confidence to make those choices.

I got sidetracked as I often do. We watched Kung Fu Panda 3 tonight. The chi stuff really can turn my stomach but there are really good themes through out the movies. They touch on things that are true and yet the mark has been missed. I am thankful for that movie because for whatever reason a head to heart connection was made. Maybe it's the dad theme that runs through out. It hit home that I'm God's kid. I'm a Child of God! Do I not think that He will take care of me? Do I not think He will guide me? Do I not trust that He has a good plan for my life, my husband's life and the children He has blessed me with? I'm His kid and He cares about me immensely. I don't need to worry about a thousand dollars because I'm His kid. I don't need to worry or be anxious about so very many things in life. I'm a Child of the King of Kings. No, really I am and He's got me. He's even got me when I'm a complete stubborn turd. He's writing a beautiful story in my life and my children's life. He will never leave me or abandon me. He's not too busy looking at His phone. He's not disinterested or tired or weary or disappointed with who I am. I am completely accepted and loved by Him and He cares.

James 2:
This is so good especially in light of today's insanity.

"So speak and so act as those who are to be judged under the law of liberty. For judgment is without mercy to one who has shown no mercy. Mercy triumphs over judgment."
‭‭James‬ ‭2:12-13‬ ‭ESV‬‬

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You Can't Just Carry Those Kiwis Around All Day

I really tried to get this out there sooner but kids don't always get with the program. Thankful I did get James 1 in before my brain melted. Even later than normal night getting bday surprises ready. So excited to celebrate my Lukey Boy. Love that crazy kid!

Been meditating on having pure joy in difficult circumstances. So hard! First thing I thought of is how easily I can get bent out of shape over little first world problems. If I can't find joy in the simplest of circumstances than how am I to find joy in the most difficult of circumstances? I do believe the Lord gives us an extra measure of grace to get us through the deepest darkest trenches.

The other thing I've been thinking about is learning how to be quick to listen, and slow to speak and get angry. I can pretty much stink at all of that.


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Saturday, May 14, 2016

No Longer In Kansas

Jumped head first into the FB debate on bathrooms. That's always a good idea. People on both sides of the coin can be so incredibly hateful. It is so interesting how people's stories affect what they stand for and the things they are passionate about. I truly wish I could sit down and have coffee with many of the people that make comments on FB posts. I want to know their stories and what is behind their passion.

Once I was in a Christian chat room when I first fully committed to following Christ wholeheartedly. I knew I wasn't strong enough to hang with my drinking buddies and not fall and I didn't have a community of believers around me yet. There was a guy being a total turd to everybody and I engaged him on it and found that he was simply responding out of his pain. It's what we tend to do as humans respond out of our pain for better or for worse. I read an article tonight that a man choked an eight year old girl in a bathroom in Chicago. He was trying to drag her into a bathroom stall. Who knows if this guy would have tried this prior to the bathroom craziness but regardless I fear Pandora's Box has been opened. We are no longer in Kansas anymore Toto. Everyone is simply doing as they see fit and I'm sure in some ways many of us, probably myself included, are rapidly trying to build our own version of the Tower of Babel.

Proverbs 14;
"Righteousness exalts a nation, but sin is a reproach to any people."
‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭14:34‬ ‭ESV‬‬


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Friday, May 13, 2016


1. Found some blood test results online today. Good news is my thyroid numbers are normal. Bummer news is I'm prediabetic. Boo! I always knew it was a possibility especially since I'm no stranger to hypoglycemia. But still. This could very well be why I've been experiencing numbness and tingling. Some of my other stuff could suggest adrenal insufficiency. That's not a shocker. Overall though if not for this tingling crap I feel overall better. Cutting out gluten has been a win! Pretty sure next thing will be to get something to check my GAD antibodies??? Dr thought it was possible that my body is attacking my pancreas. Wahoo for marching strong into my 30's! Overall thankful to be on the front end of things. I'm sure there's potential to correct things before the train is completely off the tracks.

2. Super furious about the bathroom nonsense. I'm trying to not be and not be as worked up about it but I really think people are loosing their freaking minds. I really want to yell at the Christian bloggers who are embracing love and spreading the word to pee at home. Tell that to the little girl in Frisco who was videotaped in a changing room. The creep got away. Imagine being her parents and wondering if your little girl is now on some gross pedophile chat room somewhere. I think all the jerks saying the most horrible things about transgendered individuals is horrible too. All this insanity has given me pause to really try to put myself in the shoes of a transgendered individual. I can't imagine how awful it must be to struggle with feeling trapped. My four year old got her knee stuck on a play fort today. That feeling of being trapped was incredibly scary to her. Feeling trapped is a horrible feeling. So the difficult thing to do in all of this is how to love the transgendered individual the way Jesus would and yet stand up for what is right.

3. Watched Holes tonight. So fun for me to have my bigs watch the movie after reading the book. I'm so excited about introducing them to amazing books I loved at their age. I read Holes in college for a Children's Lit class. Loved that class.

Proverbs 13:
Perfectly timed

"Whoever guards his mouth preserves his life; he who opens wide his lips comes to ruin."
‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭13:3‬ ‭ESV‬‬

On a funny note, my hubs has a show on in the background and the dude was being funny and had one of the first mobile phones. I remember the first phones that were in cars and for the life of me I could not figure why anybody would have, want or need a phone in their car. Clearly I'm getting stupider as I get older. The little me was right.


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Thursday, May 12, 2016

Pride & Prejudice

Today was a weird day. Heart felt talk with my beloved and a decision made to allow him time and quiet to recharge a very low battery. Hotel booked hubs sent off and a mere couple hours later he was back in anticipation of a last minute visit from his momma. His aunt has broken her hip and his mom has come to help care for her sister. I do adore how close sisterly affection can be. I pray our children will choose to do the hard work of investing in relationship together so that it bears amazing fruit into adulthood.

With an empty hotel room and a MIL not jazzed about being alone we decided a boys night out and a girls night in was the best course of action. I'm sure my boys ate up the adventure of time in a hotel with dad. Us gals watched Pride & Prejudice. So much fun to share that movie with my biggest girl. It's a beautiful movie and a great love story. I don't necessarily want to fill my girl's head with love stories but this movie in particular has many great talking points. Thankful for the blessing of daughters. Thankful for the blessing of sons. I am crazy blessed!

Proverbs 12:
I'll just eat a can of peas girl is laughing at this verse tonight.

"Whoever is slothful will not roast his game, but the diligent man will get precious wealth."
‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭12:27‬ ‭

Really hate cooking. For reals ya'll.

I feel like this verse has been lived out the last couple years.
"Anxiety in a man's heart weighs him down, but a good word makes him glad."
‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭12:25‬ ‭ESV‬‬

Encouragement is so important. Lord let me be an encouragement to others especially to my hubs and children.


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Wednesday, May 11, 2016


One little ear kept us up a lot last night. One baby with something going filled in the gaps of the night with nursing. Lots of crabby kids and crabby parents made for a lot of fun today.

Not too many words tonight but lots to process. Too tired.

Thankful for seven sleeping kids.

Thankful for the gift of friends.

Thankful for eyes to see into my boys world today.

Thankful my kid saved this entire family by telling a parent about an alleged black widow in our house. Unless there are imposter spiders that look like black widows than eeekkkk!!! I'm never going to be able to sleep again. I vaguely think I heard of a story of a family keeping a black widow in a jar under their sink. If we find another I'm going to have to burn our house down. Now that I've got myself sufficiently freaked out again I'll try to go to sleep.

Proverbs 11:
I'm banking on this if all craziness breaks loose.

"Riches do not profit in the day of wrath, but righteousness delivers from death."
‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭11:4‬ ‭ESV‬‬

Need to designate one of my kids to be a farmer, one a black smith, one a marksman, one a dr, one a nurse, one a prepper, and one a rancher.


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Tuesday, May 10, 2016


Need to get back into the groove of real life. I feel like I can hit a sweet stride when I can cut out one thing from my plate. That's just not reality at least for the long term so I reckon I'll try to do the best I can and be willing to hold things loosely and take sanity breaks when needed.

Got called out by one of my kids for not knowing him. I'll give the kid some credit where it's due. I feel as if I know him but he's the one I struggle to understand. He's a great kid and has so many great qualities but I do struggle to understand him at times. Thankful that he's willing to communicate how he's feeling. I pray that the Lord will continue to connect our heartstrings together and give me new insight and understanding to this kiddos heart.

Thankful for time swimming with friends even though it meant enduring sauna like heat. So not ready for the full blown heat of summer. I feel like we just escaped the heat of last summer.

Proverbs 10:
Lord help me to be bold and stand for truth but help me not be a blubbering idiot.

"When words are many, transgression is not lacking, but whoever restrains his lips is prudent."
‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭10:19‬ ‭ESV‬‬


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Monday, May 09, 2016


Today was an interesting day. Thankful to let the kids watch a movie this morning so I could sleep in with my hubs. I'm so very glad that he's home and I'm so glad that his trip was fruitful in so many ways.

Play practice today. My kids sat in on a creative ideas class and the feedback I got back from the teacher after the class was affirming that I know my kids and I'm not crazy. Thankful for another adult to see the giftedness of one of my children. The struggles we are seeing are real and possibly part of something he may always have to battle but we are not off to think this kid is brilliant. Feels great to be affirmed but I'm left with a pervasive now what? He has an appointment in a couple weeks to get the ball rolling on testing. In a traditional school setting getting a label and having answers would be freeing in many ways. I believe the conclusion that we may end up with is that meds would allow him to achieve things academically that right now we are unable to get to due to working memory issues. BUT if we are willing to throw traditional academics out the window for him and teach him skills he will need for every day life and feed his desire to learn about the sciences and continue to discover and explore the ways he is gifted maybe testing is not necessary after all. What if meds would allow him to be more successful in some ways but hinder the very gifts that set him apart from others. If we allow him to dance to the beat of his own drum can we accomplish that without exploring the things that would be barriers to a traditional education track? I feel like the Lord is guiding us slowly but surely. Today feels like more clues to the puzzle and yet I'm more puzzled than ever. Maybe there's no need to discover what's "wrong" with my child. Maybe there's nothing "wrong" with him at all and truly it's all just a learning difference. Maybe what's wrong is trying to use a one size fits all education on a child who is not a one size fits all kind of child.

Today I was also reminded that we are not out of the woods with one of my kiddos. I am confident his little heart has begun to heal in ways only the Lord could orchestrate but it's good to be reminded that we may never be completely out of the woods. It's okay if that's his reality. I do feel more trusting and at peace about the ways God is going to use every part of this child's story. I trust this is true for all my children. It's just hard at times to push past the fear and the reality that this world can be very scarring. The Lord has every single one of these children in His hands. I do feel more peace and more trust as the Lord gives us eyes to see our children. I feel less fearful of messing it all up because I can tangibly see the ways He is guiding us and leading us. This doesn't mean we won't mess things up or miss things it just reassures me that God is indeed lighting our path. Wisdom is indeed calling out loudly at the city gates. I just have to slow down enough to be watchful and be willing to listen. Thankful to feel some of the burdens I have been carrying around be lifted and lightened. He is good.

Proverbs 9:
The contrast of folly and wisdom in this chapter is interesting. Wisdom brings life and folly is enticing but leads to death.

This verse makes much more sense in light of the insanity of our culture today. People have rejected the Lord and therefore are walking around blind and stumbling like a bunch of dying fools.

"The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom, and the knowledge of the Holy One is insight."
‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭9:10‬ ‭ESV‬‬

Lord this election seems horrendous but I pray you use to wake those who slumber. Open eyes Lord for those to see that believing and trusting in you is the beginning of wisdom. Lord I pray you would continue to give us insight into our children's hearts. Father I pray that you would make the seeds we are trying to plant into their hearts grow. May they grow a deep and abiding love with you. May they trust you and hunger and thirst to be with you more than anything else this world has to offer.


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Sunday, May 08, 2016

Hee Hee Haw Haw!

My hubs is back wahoo!!! Just as I expected, today was the hardest day. I slave drived my offspring to pass the time. I struggle with whether I shame and guilt them or if I'm just real with the reality that they can be stinkpots who just want to be part of the family when it's time to get things or have fun. That's not how this family is going to roll. Gotta pull your weight around here.

Thankful my hubs got home just in time for choir which meant margs and Queso at our favorite joint. The mural artist said if we send him a picture he'll put our family on the mural. We're famous! I knew eating Queso and tacos would pay off someday!

Overall very thankful today. Thankful for a wonderful hubs who I'm so thankful to have home. Thankful for seven wonderful kids who help keep me humble and out of trouble. I am crazy blessed. I do feel slightly like a rockstar for surviving a week without my knight in shining armor. Thankful for friends who fed us, hung with us and prayed for us along the way. It wasn't perfect but thankful for so very much.

Proverbs 8:
Wisdom calls out to all at the city gates. She isn't hidden and mysterious. She is available to all and all one has to do is stop and listen. I pray my young ones and I stop to hear wisdom calling. I pray we lay aside any arrogance and pride and choose to embrace the words wisdom cries out. I thank Jesus that for whatever reason He choice to open my ears to His call.

""To you, O men, I call, and my cry is to the children of man."
‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭8:4‬ ‭ESV‬


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Saturday, May 07, 2016

I Should Have Done The Dishes

I should have done the dishes but instead I fell into a politics wormhole. I've seen plenty of posts on the ole FB stating how our hope is not in a political candidate yada yada but can only be found in Christ. I totally agree 100%. If I'm honest this election still has me saying "holy sh#t"! Remember I'm a creature of comfort. I like my ice cream served with hot fudge and topped with ease. I fear either candidate is going to seriously disrupt some ease and some comfort. In fact, the time is coming where the dross will be burned away. I had hoped this time would be delayed. Not necessarily so my grown children would have to bear it alone but simply so I could watch my children grow up to be incredible men and women first. I imagine this could be all part of the plan. Where there is suffering, faith can be found pure as gold. It excites me and terrifies me all at the same time. Regardless my heart aches at the continued decline of a country that once was so beloved in the hearts of its people.

Took my four bigs and the littlest to an art festival today. They were tired but hung in there with me with my zeal for it all. They had a good time but my least artsy of the gang looked a bit like Eeyore today. A very sleepy Eeyore.

I got to talk to a couple artists who were really cool with the kids. One gave them tips on how to create their own art and another gave me tips on how to fan the flames of childhood wonder and creativity. I ate it up of course and so did some of my kiddos. Overall I left encouraged about school next year and having more freedom to let each of my children dance to the best of their own drum. The drum given to them by Jesus of course. Their hearts are the most important thing to me. It would be a tragedy for them to love learning but be indifferent to their Creator. Thankful for the Lord's sweet encouragement to have the freedom to think outside the box when it comes to their education. Who knows this might be the last year we have the freedom to do so.

Thankful for beautiful weather although we are all suffering from Dallergies big time.

Thankful that Jesus is indeed my hope no matter what the circumstances around me might be.

Thankful for a boy who is pumped after coming home from a Star Wars party. Thankful for the fierce loyalty that boy possesses.

Thankful for the beautiful feet that stink up all the shoes in our house. It smells like a frat house up in here.

Thankful for fabulous neighbors who are lovely friends.

Thankful for sweet snoring children.

Thankful for a wonderful hubs who works his tail off for his family.

1 Peter 5:
Awesome chapter. In light of my mood this verse stood out.

"Resist him, firm in your faith, knowing that the same kinds of suffering are being experienced by your brotherhood throughout the world."
‭‭1 Peter‬ ‭5:9‬ ‭ESV‬‬

I've probably read this verse and the one above under the lens of privilege. Resist the devil and the temptation to eat junk instead of sit at the Lord's feet will go away. For Christians who are really suffering and being persecuted they are not hard pressed to stay away from over eating, looking at porn, being prideful, yada, yada, yada. They truly are clinging to Christ in desperation and seeking His face so that He might lift up their heads. With wealth comes many more problems, worries and anxieties that we otherwise would not have our minds preoccupied with. Perspective is something isn't it?


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Friday, May 06, 2016

Hop Hop Hippity Hop

Lots of hopping from one thing to the next. It's been good hopping and fun hopping and keep us all occupied hopping but I look forward to a slower pace next week. A little bummed the rain all week forecast is gone.

Thankful for homeschooling friends in our hood to play at Little Bear Park to pass the morning.

Thankful for adorable narrators who love to sing and cute princes who love to walk in a princely manner. Thankful for kids who have made a new friend who never once saw his disability but rather have eyes to see a really funny kid with a great personality.

Thankful for friends who bring over dinner and hang. Fun times chatting and watching my minions play with friends.

Thankful for laughs over being super early to birthday parties. I really do love a funny story and a good adventure. God must have known that because life with seven kids is often filled with daily adventures and a plethora of stories to tell.

Thankful Sunday is coming!!

Proverbs 6:
Really liked these verses tonight.
"My son, keep your father's commandment, and forsake not your mother's teaching. Bind them on your heart always; tie them around your neck. When you walk, they will lead you; when you lie down, they will watch over you; and when you awake, they will talk with you."
‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭6:20-22‬ ‭ESV‬‬

Great reminder of why it's so important for me to remain grounded in the word. How lovely to eat and breath the scriptures?


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Thursday, May 05, 2016

A Lilly Bit Crazy

Took my crew to the free evening at the HS conference. I knew it had the potential to be a bit crazy with my Bit but I'm all about an adventure. There was definitely moments of adventure that I could have taken a pass on but overall I'm glad we went. I didn't get the same bang out of it as I would have solo but that was expected. I had mixed emotions tonight as part of me wishes I had the weekend to roam curriculum and listen to talks and get my tank filled with friends. The greater part of me was filled with gratitude for a hubs working like a machine and for my little ducklings who weren't in a row.

We hung by the pond afterwards and they made more discoveries. We've been unschooling the past couple weeks thanks to spring and there has been plenty of opportunity to explore. I really am blown away by how industrious they can be while playing. It hit me tonight that as much as I can I need to be taking them to nature to play and discover. They won't play this way forever and now is the time this playing can lead to great discoveries and a love of learning. Abbie is not far off from making the shift I'm starting to see in other older kiddos. When that shift happens it will be a sad day BUT that will also be the day it's time for more formal education. I've let my bigs play lots over the years but I wish I had let them play even more. If I could do a huge redo this is one of the many things I'd change. Less formal education and more read alouds and play. Thankful for the gift of spring and new perspective to let them play.

Road rage confession time: I flipped a lady the partial bird after she gave me the full finger for tapping my horn to let her know if she didn't pay attention she was going to turn right into me when I had the right of way thank you very much. Of course I instantly felt guilt. The scrappy girl from SA is still in there for sure!

Proverbs 5:
"He dies for lack of discipline, and because of his great folly he is led astray."
‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭5:23‬ ‭ESV‬‬

God give me the wisdom and discernment how to discipline my children courageously and lovingly.


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Wednesday, May 04, 2016

Broken Handle

I have had the worst diarrhea of the mouth with my kids the past several days. Really blew it with one of my kids today. You know the awesome make your kid cry kinda blow it. Ugh!!! I was kicking myself for all of it when I remembered that it would be foolish to negate all the great ways I pour into my kids daily because of my failures as a mom. Even in the failures if I'm willing to take a step back and not wallow in shame and guilt there can be beauty in the restoration. Tonight I got to walk with the kid I sinned against and hold hands. I got to ask for forgiveness from not only the wronged child but all of my kids. The other day when I messed and had asked for forgiveness for my poor leadership my kid said "I know it just means you need Jesus." If my many mistakes help them realize how much I need Jesus and maybe makes them ponder how much they need Jesus then that's awesome. Jesus is so much bigger than the sum of all my mistakes. To get that glance this week in the midst of my struggle and the realization of how spiritually dehydrated I am is such a beautiful gift. I need Jesus and He loves me despite my inability to perform.

Tonight on a walk back from a sweet friends house the handle to our wagon broke off. I was either going to throw it in a nearby dumpster or abandon it and come back and get it with the car. My kids instead took turns pushing it. Love that they saw a problem and were willing to be a solution to that problem. Need to remember to praise them for that tomorrow. I love these kids who squeeze the gross, selfish, controlling and angry parts that reside within me. It's in my heart regardless of whether or not it gets squeezed to the surface. Thankful to be faced with reality and served a nice piece of humble pie daily.

Thankful for my kids with all the beautiful and lovely qualities about them and their difficulties.

Thankful for my hubs working like a beast to provide for us.

Thankful for friends who are in my hood willing to watch my kiddos and feed us a lovely meal. Again blown away by how God has blessed my family and me with community. He is good!

Thankful for my Mudge. He is such a comfort and a joy.

Thankful for weather so beautiful that it's impossible for me to stay out of despite the evil Dallergies and awful air quality. I'm paying big time tonight but completely worth it!

Proverbs 4:
So many great reminders about cherishing wisdom and instruction. Such the contrary of today's thinking.

"Ponder the path of your feet; then all your ways will be sure. Do not swerve to the right or to the left; turn your foot away from evil."
‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭4:26-27‬ ‭ESV‬‬

God after seeing so much finger pointing back and forth in the Christian world in the US it's no wonder why those who do not know you want to stay that way. God help us as the Church not miss it. Help guide our steps and may we not swerve to the left and to the right.


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Tuesday, May 03, 2016

Sleep + Coffee = Bliss

Minus the pollen, today was phenomenal. A beautiful day outside is so good for my soul. It's always been incredibly tank filling for me. That's probably why I'm becoming more desperate to get out of the city. Life in the city just ain't my jam. I wanna grow old sipping iced tea on my rocking chair on my porch looking out into the beauty of God's creation. I want my boys to hunt and fish and tinker in a barn and build crazy things. I want chickens and goats and ducks and a pot belly pig. Maybe some rabbits and a crazy farm dog. I want to see my boy who struggles now totally in his element discovering all the wonderful things that God created. 

I still struggle with my boy. I've sat and watched him play lately and I've noticed something I've missed. The boy is very industrious and he's not afraid to work hard. This industriousness at play doesn't translate well at home. However, I feel the Lord sweetly opening my eyes to my sweet boy more. I've never been a fan of labels. It's probably from my special education and social work class days. However, I can't wait for a dang label. I think just like other friends have experienced with their kiddos that a label will be freeing. The label does not have to define my kid but it can help make more sense of a part of my kid. I know their are amazing things going on in his head. Can not wait till we can solve some mysteries and truly unlock his potential. After sleeping with him the past couple nights I do think it's possible sleep apnea could be one of the puzzle pieces. 

Thankful for an entire day out at a Nature Preserve. I'm paying the Piper now but totally worth it. Had a great mix of time with a cherished friend and time solo with my minions. I do love being with my kiddos. Things can be nutty at times at home but I love mixing it up with them. They really are incredible kids. Thankful for time to talk through baptism and the history behind why certain denominations or sects do things the way they do. I'm really sad that differences that aren't make it or break it kind of things can be so divisive between churches. Imagine how much more could be accomplished if we all worked together. I hate that the Church that I love is so divided by the church. I do believe much of that will change in the future. Jesus help grow my children to be willing to die for your name sake. Help me be willing to do the same. 

Chewing more on what it means for church to be more about God and less about me after conversation today. I did catch an interesting blog post that addressed addiction and how turning focus away from being deprived of whatever the item of addiction might be and gazing upon Christ is more effective. Often instead we simply trade one vice for a more socially acceptable vice. I have to come back to my new favorite show Alone. Solitude removes the vices even if temporarily and forces us to look at the things which we do not want to look at. Now the hard part is figuring out how to order life in such a way that getting some serious solitude is able to happen. I'm confident the answer is getting land in a beautiful place. 

1 P 4:
I'm still pretty blown away by these verses. 

"Since therefore Christ suffered in the flesh, arm yourselves with the same way of thinking, for whoever has suffered in the flesh has ceased from sin, so as to live for the rest of the time in the flesh no longer for human passions but for the will of God."
‭‭1 Peter‬ ‭4:1-2‬ ‭ESV‬‬

I feel like most of my life has been spent trying to avoid suffering. How wonderful of our God to use what Satan has tried to use to harm as a way of growing us to be more like Christ?

Lord you know I hate to even pray this because I'm confident you will answer but Father I pray that you would grow our hearts to be patient in affliction.

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Monday, May 02, 2016

What Was I Thinking??

I forgot to drink coffee today and turned into Momma Mudge. Coffee is almost as necessary as breathing when children keep you up all night long. I am thankful that since I'm dragging like a Mombie I don't have the energy to have a panic attack over having to make costumes for five little Brownies in a play. Costuming falls into the same category as homemaking and if I had taken that class in high school I'm confident I would have failed it.

I'm thankful for the frozen pizza I'm going to feed my minions tonight.

Thankful for sweet friends willing to watch half a dozen kids.

Thankful for my sweet cuddle Mudge who is nine months today. I love that baby.

Sunday, May 01, 2016


I had this written in my head already. But unfortunately my head deleted it. Right now I'm thankful for the sounds of little breathing Brownies and for baby snuggles. Deep breathing means all are sleeping and maybe just maybe I can get a thought or two out before I pass out.

The weather today was AMAZING! If not for a choir concert tonight we would have had a lovely day of exploring outdoors. Today wasn't too shabby. Church this morning. I have to pause here because church was very loaded today.

Baptism at WM today. Baptism days are my favorite days at church. I LOVE them!!! I've loved them in Austin, Portland and Dallas. What a beautiful day for a baptism day? Can I get an amen? Last week at church I witnessed a pretty lame adult baptism. It lacked LOTS of things and it left me scratching my head just like infant baptism does. I like our new church. I really like the teaching. It's nice to be taught and not preached at. I like the people and I like that it's family integrated. There are many things about PCA churches that have really impressed me. But I'm not sure I'm going to ultimately be able to get passed the denominational thing. I'm a non conformist at heart and I really hate being shoved in a box. I do like the accountability that can be had through a denomination but that can always go awry as well. I'm kind of digressing.

In all my struggles today thinking about the places we've come from and the places we are there's one thing I know for certain, I love Jesus and I love the Church. I have loved so many people from so many different churches. Real live authentic people who love Jesus too. This my church is better than your church crap has got to stop. It breeds nothing but pride and awful arrogance. There are so many different beautiful expressions of the body of Christ. There are some hateful ones as well which I know grieves the heart of Jesus. But aren't those who know Him trying to do the best they can? Oh how the Lord is intimate with our struggles and is well aware of how the serpent twists and turns things around. None of us are nailing it 100% but maybe just maybe different parts of the body who may not appear to be "knocking it out of the park" are doing exactly as the Lord sees fit? Not everybody is cut out for mega church just like not everybody can handle small community church or a church plant or a raise your hands during worship and dance kind of church. There are charlatan churches for sure and justice will be served one day but I think most churches are lead by sinful men trying to glorify God the best they know how to.

Today I'm once again thankful for a glimpse. Although things are still painful and people still act awkward around us at times I know the Lord is up to many things behind the scenes. My kid is healing and there's evidence of it. It helps the bitterness to fade. I still don't like the circumstances that have unfolded around us but I have a peace that none of it was in vain. I love the big Church and I love the people within it. I'm confident the Lord has a plan for the little church as far as our hearts are concerned. For now, I'm thankful for where we have landed and I'm thankful for the Lord's gracious hand upon us even while kicking and screaming.

Oh shoot didn't even get to the thirsty part. But interesting to me how my physical has mirrored life lately. Loosing baby Costa Rica while my world was flipped upside down felt like the physical manifestation of all that was happening to us. It felt like a death and a loss. Last week I discovered I'm really dehydrated. It's not theory because the numbers are screaming WATER! I'm spiritually dehydrated too. I've expended much more than I've taken in and it's time to get back on track. I'm so thankful that Jesus is the living water. I'm thankful that He understands our deep longing that we often try to fill with substitutes.

Rev 22:
"Then the angel showed me the river of the water of life, bright as crystal, flowing from the throne of God and of the Lamb"
‭‭Revelation‬ ‭22:1‬ ‭ESV‬‬

Love that He will write His name on our foreheads.

"They will see his face, and his name will be on their foreheads. And night will be no more. They will need no light of lamp or sun, for the Lord God will be their light, and they will reign forever and ever."
‭‭Revelation‬ ‭22:4-5‬ ‭ESV‬‬

Come quickly Lord Jesus!


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