Thinking about a friends post the other night. How much more appealing to the flesh to arrange a beautiful offering to the Lord than to be poured out myself. I am in a funk because I want to do what I want to do. The bottom line of my heart is that I don't want to rely on the Lord. I would much rather be self reliant and provide for myself. It's why I struggle immensely in seasons like these when I feel and I am less than. Even now I could fly into a fit of passion because I'm so incredibly stubborn. I think I'm more weary of myself this morning than weary of feeling more exhausted than when I went to sleep.
This morning was a train wreck. Woke up needing to drink a gallon of coffee and eat. However, needed to wash dishes first so that we could eat. Should have chugged coffee and ate a granola bar first. I didn't and my pour children felt my wrath. I was a mess this morning. Asked for forgiveness for my awesomeness multiple times. Then it hit me. My being a total bunghole gave me perspective into my kids bungholeness. My lack of self control was a window into my kids lack of self control. I got to extend to newly found grace very graciously when one of my kids completely lost it on me several times. The Lord not only served me up some humble pie but also gave me eyes to see. Such beautiful gifts despite my wretchedness.
Got another small glimpse into the brain of one of my kiddos today. It was heartbreaking and awe inspiring all at the same time. Definitely dealing with more than just dyslexia and working memory issues. Or at least it very much appears that way. At the same time I can't believe how this kid has come up with his own systems to manage information. I don't know yet how to unlock the full potential of this kid but so thankful to homeschool so we can keep trying to figure it out. Once we can hone in on what "it" is for him I think he is going to change the world. I know that I know that I know this kid is brilliant. He's so brilliant that he has his own language. Once we can figure it out I know the kid is going to blow all of us out of the water. Still incredibly torn on getting a label. In some ways I can see how that information would be incredibly helpful but at the same time I think it could also be a huge hindrance and stumbling block. Continuing to pray for wisdom.
"You make known to me the path of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your right hand."
Psalm 16:11 NIV
So thankful to have my hubs home. Excited about being able to take Benadryl tonight and hopefully dry up this obnoxious cough or at least buy myself some sleep tonight.
Sent from my iPhone
Sent from my iPhone