Monday, October 31, 2016

Wow Wee!

Great day. Long day. 

1. Thankful for pj day at PATH. 

2. Thankful for friend's willing to hold my babies and take them to their class after lunch. 

3. Thankful for surprise friends hanging out tonight. The Lord is so so good!!!

4. Thankful for my hood. I love love love my street. 

5. Not into the gore or some of the darkness of Halloween but I love how it allows me access to people I wouldn't otherwise have access to. Love love love the redemption of this holiday!

6. Going to bed with a full full heart!

7. Maybe I'm a little ashamed at how much candy I gave my baby tonight. He's never going to sleep.

8. Need to get up earlier and need to exercise? Talk to a sweet friend who lives on your street when high on candy and you just might have yourself a solution. 

Psalms 31:
"Since you are my rock and my fortress, for the sake of your name lead and guide me. Keep me free from the trap that is set for me, for you are my refuge."
‭‭Psalm‬ ‭31:3-4‬ ‭NIV‬‬

Love the thought of praying for the Lord to lead me for HIS name sake. I often pray that the Lord would lead me for my sake. Love getting the focus off of me which is so incredibly hard.

Also really love praying proactively for the Lord to free me from the traps set before me. There are many and they occur on a daily basis. How many am I caught in without even realizing it? Really loved these verses tonight.

D




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Sunday, October 30, 2016

Too Tired To Function

Mudgey still crazy at night and although I'm not loosing it I really have felt too tired to function this week. This kid needs to get over whatever is going on with him because right now living does not look much like living. I don't mean that as a depressing statement it's rather just reality. I'm kinda like a zombie these days. My joints really ache today too so feeling pretty useless and can't wait till I can close my eyes. But thankful for today none the less.

Psalm 30:
I am forever thankful for the ways the Lord spared me from the pit.

"You, Lord, brought me up from the realm of the dead; you spared me from going down to the pit."
‭‭Psalm‬ ‭30:3‬ ‭NIV‬‬

D

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Saturday, October 29, 2016

Pedicures & Pies

Pretty thankful for pedicure and pie therapy today with precious friends. One of my friend's and I can count on one hand how many pedicures we've had in our lifetime. So needless to say it was a much enjoyed treat. Think I need to teach my kids the art of the pedicure, especially the messaging of the feet part. I think a buck a foot is a fair wage for kid labor pedicures. I think some of my nimble fingered children will be cash heavy soon.

Super tired from a long stretch of Mudgey not being happy at night. Thankfully he seems to finally be over Rotavirus 2016 but now we are dealing with 8 teeth coming in at one time. We like to be intense in everything we do obviously.

Proverbs 30:
Think there is much beauty that comes with finally growing up enough to realize you don't really know jack. I have moments of this but unfortunately still not near enough of them.

"Surely I am only a brute, not a man; I do not have human understanding. I have not learned wisdom, nor have I attained to the knowledge of the Holy One."
‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭30:2-3‬ ‭NIV‬‬


D



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Friday, October 28, 2016

Now I Get It

So I listened to Russell Moore's talk today. It did my heart wonders. It had a secondary effect. I now get why I was not wowed by Tommy Nelson's talk and in fact was borderline offended. I heard the same kind of rhetoric growing up and sitting in Hagee's church. Interestingly enough Moore even mentioned Hagee's name. I never would have attributed those sermons to my later take on politics but after listening to Moore I can see how they did shape me. I can also understand now why Tommy Nelson's talk wowed so many people. If you haven't grown up listening to sermons like that I could see how possibly it could sway your vote. I've just already had my fill of the Religious Right Wing and I don't buy into the scare tactics. It's been the same scare tactics since I was a child. Just ironically insert Bill's name instead of Hillary. We've always been on the verge of a political doomsday every single presidential election. I've just chosen to ignore it as an adult but with Mudge wanting to nurse 24/7 I've gotten my fill again this election on the FB. Man the doomsday talk takes the wind out of my sails. The you're only fighting off evil unless you vote Republican is so nauseating to me. This election it's even more disheartening because to vote a Republican President you have to turn a blind eye to the candidates character. I believe the Lord is still leading and guiding His people and if people can vote for Hillary and look Jesus in the eye and feel like they represented Him well then so be it. I'm not going to disparage my brothers and sisters over who they vote for. Im just glad they voted. There were many years that I was too apathetic about politics to even do that.

Okay I think I'm landing on why the recent modesty video put a bee in my bonnet. I think there's lots of pressure on women to help their male counter parts in their struggle with sexual sin. There's nothing wrong with throwing in with a brother or a sister and considering them as we partake in freedoms or whatever. I just think this particular brand of sin has been elevated over others. It was painful to hear how women should put some clothes on and be sympathetic to their brothers struggle with lust when I feel like the church has had a completely different standard for our brothers and sisters who struggle with homosexuality. The same kind of coddling and surrounding and supporting and all the other chiding that women are given to support women in their horrific but very socially acceptable struggle with lust. I just assumed it was my usual go to things that was frustrating me. Nope. This is it. It seems like a huge double standard to me. Heterosexual lust seems to be overly elevated and homosexual lust seems to be minimized. Yet we use heterosexual lust as an example of the same kind of struggle homosexuals must go through. So for gay men and women they should be run through a program to be fixed and then all should be well or at least you should be able to struggle well. But for straight men with lust not only should they go through a program, perhaps, women should dress better around them, wives should put out every 72 hours at the very least, wives should be mindful of their weight and appearance so that their husbands aren't tempted by their hot coworkers, and they should plan spicy sex nights to keep it entertaining and interesting. If the struggle is porn wifey maybe a naked photo shoot is just the thing your man needs. I think overall the church still has their view of sex wrong. They can talk about it now and it's trendy to be racy at church now but it's still off I think. Paint the right picture of sex and I think some of these talking points disappear. I'm digressing. Anyway, my bottom line is that I think there is a double standard when it comes to heterosexual lust and homosexual lust.

I know my life is a walking talking double standard. I need to get the log out of my own eye but double standards and the church are especially bothersome to me. I know it's my own baggage from growing. I know this but it still is a huge sore spot for me. I think this is also why the election has become an extra special sore spot because there's so many inconsistencies. Voting republican is held as golden as if it was one of the Ten Commandments. There's so many moral inconsistencies in the Republican Party platform. I think it's the double standard I've been seeing lately that has my cheeks flushed and has upset me so much this week. Ahhhh, feels good to have my finger on that.

D

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Thursday, October 27, 2016

Simon Peter

So this week has once again been full of internal turmoil. My cheeks have been flushed and a fire has been burning in my belly. I know I have been arrogant about others arrogance and it grieves me deeply. I wish I had eyes to see the church the way the Lord does. But I don't. My view is often still very much fleshly and I know I have my own baggage that I bring to the table. But I've really needed to see that grace and truth can both be held and one not abandoned for the other. I've been sick to my stomach over so many things and I've waffled between anger and sadness. I know most of my anger can probably be put in the self righteous category. It's been super hard for me to be the ENFP that God has created me to be. 

The Lord has graciously kept drawing me to 1 & 2 Peter. Peter is supposedly an ENFP too. To be honest I've been upset about that. I'd prefer Paul to an ENFP. But today as I sat in passages from 1 & 2 Peter I saw something I've never seen before. These verses caught my eye today.

"For this very reason, make every effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge; and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness; and to godliness, mutual affection; and to mutual affection, love. For if you possess these qualities in increasing measure, they will keep you from being ineffective and unproductive in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. But whoever does not have them is nearsighted and blind, forgetting that they have been cleansed from their past sins."
‭‭2 Peter‬ ‭1:5-9‬ ‭NIV‬‬

I didn't want to miss something here as I've been on my soapbox on how ineffective the church has become. I'm so sick of hearing about the culture wars and how it's an us verses them thing. Really it makes me want to puke and as of late the uptick in all of it has been too much for me with all the election hub bun. It's the evil pagans crushing the poor Christians with their evil agendas. Do I think there's an agenda out there? You better believe it but I also think the church has been so incredibly arrogant that it refuses to see it has contributed to the problem. So these verses on being ineffective leapt off the page. I dug into commentary and it was the commentary on this verse that really hit me. 

"Simon Peter, a servant and apostle of Jesus Christ, To those who through the righteousness of our God and Savior Jesus Christ have received a faith as precious as ours:"
‭‭2 Peter‬ ‭1:1‬ ‭NIV‬‬

Two simple words that convey so much, Simon Peter. Simon was the birth name and Peter given as a new name from Christ himself. Yet in these two words Peter conveys that he is very much the new creation in Christ but still wrestles with the old self. 

This is where the beauty of Peter came alive to me today. He loves the Lord passionately but is impulsive and at times prideful. He leaps out of the boat to run to the Lord and yet gets caught up in doubt along the way. He wants to follow Jesus to the ends of the earth and yet when put to the rest denies Him three times. He loves Jesus and yet at times argues that he i the greatest apostle. I see the beauty of the passion and the mess of Peter. I love Jesus and I want my entire life to be a reflection of my master. I want to follow wholeheartedly and yet often I stumble and get lost along the way. Jesus loves this passionate and often prideful mess. I don't want to mess this walk with Christ up but I do daily. 

I've hopped around lots this evening but going to bed thankful to run across SO articles tonight that seem to walk the line between grace and truth. One does not have to be abandoned for the other. Tonight I have hope and can find rest and for that I am incredibly thankful.

D

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Wednesday, October 26, 2016

Well That Was Awesome

So the Rotavirus Plague of 2016 is mostly over. The littles are still recovering but the rate of exploding diapers a day is slowly decreasing. I was silently celebrating the victory with fresh clean sheets. Moments later a child threw up on those fresh clean sheets. Fear not, it was not from yet another bug but rather from trying to figure out if they could swallow their own fist. Yeah that was kinda awesome.

So I finally watched the much hailed "sermon of the year" about the upcoming election. Yeah, meh. I get his points but I just disagree with his conclusion. I'm voting for the same things I'm just not choosing the same candidate. He can consider that a foolish decision but He doesn't have to answer for me before God. He's responsible for his choices. At least towards the end I at least could really respect and appreciate his passion. The Lord was sweet to whisper that "the passion he has is the same burning passion I gave you". Ah dang it! I wish I was more freaking humble but instead I'm a passionate fighting machine. I've got a fire in my belly too and I have I hard time shutting up about certain things. There were some things in the sermon that were rather discouraging but those things would have been the same things I would have in the past have probably given an amen to. Grief has changed me.

Frankly, I don't care who anybody votes for. Vote for Hillary if that's what you feel the Lord is leading you to vote for, or Donald or write in Baby Jesus. I DON'T CARE. It's not that I don't care about the outcome I'm just not fearful about it. All the pros and cons I've heard about for choosing to vote for either of the big two players is all based on speculation and I've seen both candidates backed biblically. There is no sin issue surrounding who a person votes for if a Christian can look Jesus in the eyes one day and say I earnestly sought you in this. The lot has been cast and the Lord is in control of how that lot will fall. He is the one working in men and women's hearts to sway them one way or another. He is the one who appoints officials. I can rest easy in that and because of that I can go vote and feel great about who I choose. I don't have to compromise and I'm thankful. I don't have to fear because my hope is in Christ alone. So I am taking up my charge to fight with my vote and if that looks different for another brother or sister in Christ then great! Could the Lord not move His people to vote in different ways so that He might be glorified even more? I absolutely think so. So may the Lord be glorified in this election. If that's for America to reap what it's sowed so be it. To Christ be the glory. Much beauty comes out of suffering and if suffering is headed to America than I can rejoice that the church will be purified and will come out as a beautiful bride. If the Lord chooses to spare us in His mercy than I will give thanks and pray that hearts will turn. But Biblically it's laid out what it has taken for God's people to truly turn back to Him. To God be the glory.

1 P 4:
Wowzers. Talk about a war cry. So very very good. So very very sobering. Thankful that for today I am not called to suffer in my body for Christ but I pray the Lord would prepare me and my family if this is the cup we must drink from.

"Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins."
‭‭1 Peter‬ ‭4:8‬ ‭NIV‬‬

May your people truly love each other and those who do not know you Lord. May we not just say we love by excusing sin or by casting stones but truly love like you do. We too once were lost let us not forget that. We have been saved by grace and by grace alone.

D

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Tuesday, October 25, 2016

If I Want To Cast Stones At The "Immodest" Woman Maybe I Should Take A Look At My Self Promoting PR Campaign First

Had a good long think today about modesty and I'm truly disgusted by what I found in myself. I see things a bit differently tonight than I did this morning. I get why the church has become ineffective. It feels so damn good to come up with my own set of rules and set of standards for others. It makes me feel good about my choices and dang it self righteousness feels awesome. People are dying to be heard and be extended compassion and empathy.

So here's the big dirty truth. I jumped on the modesty bandwagon whole freaking heartedly. As a teen some of the things I wore could have been considered immodest but overall I am naturally bent towards modesty. If I'm even more honesty I have probably been that way simply because I've always struggled with body image. I'm sure if I ever thought in my hay day that I was hot I would have exploited it in my pagan days. Heck, I would have exploited probably in my immature Christian days, not that I'm saying I'm mature now necessarily. So I was modest due to insecurity. I embraced modesty as a Christian wholeheartedly out of fear and insecurity. I saw a video today about modesty. It basically was a group of guys being truth tellers about what it's like for them when women are dressed immodestly and how it's a gift to them when women wear some damn clothes. They own their sin but still. It pissed me off. It pissed me way off and I know the hearts of these men. But what these men fail to understand is that despite their "authenticity" and "owning" their responses they are still passing the buck of their struggle onto someone else. They lack the empathy or the compassion to see how modesty verses have been used in the same vein to abuse women and to oppress them. I know this is not the hearts of these men but it's failing to recognize that these are the realities of the culture around them. It's failing to acknowledge rape culture. People are tired of the modesty talk because it focuses on the struggle of men and less on the hearts of women. It places a standard on women that is not placed on men. I'm not saying modesty is outdated or that women should not be aware of how men view the world and how they struggle. But it's very much like white people saying that racism is a thing of the past. I know men struggle with lust I think we should care as sisters in Christ BUT let's not elevate the struggle of lust beyond any other struggle.

I want my daughters to care about their other brothers and sisters in Christ. I also don't want them to blame shift their struggles onto others. Don't claim to own it but pass the buck. Just own it.

Here's the modesty piece I think I've been totally missing. When Paul wrote about modesty he wasn't addressing the amount of skin the ladies were wearing. He was instructing them to dress in a way that did not draw attention to themselves. Don't have fancy hair do's, don't wear your high dollar luxury clothing as a status symbol. Dress respectfully and live a modest humble lifestyle. Church isn't a fashion parade because it's a place to worship the Lord not be noticed. Here's the deal a woman can walk into church and be completely decked out to the nines with absolutely no skin showing but in her heart dress to draw attention to herself from everyone she meets. Another woman could be flashing some skin but in her heart have no desire to draw attention to herself. Which woman is the immodest one? It would be interesting if two pictures of this nature were to be shown and which woman would be picked as the immodest one. The thing is we can't judge someone based solely on their appearance. We simply can't see past the exterior to view the heart. Yet when I judge modesty simply based on outward appearance I miss the whole stinking point. I've been struggling with how to teach my kids about modesty in such a way that doesn't make them a bunch of legalistic punks. I've figured it out. If I teach them that modesty is so much more than what they wear and that it's about the state of their heart it becomes less rule based and more heart based. It's good for me as well. Do I dress and carry myself in such a way to draw attention to myself? This carries into trying to dominate a conversation on a girls night out, having to be the one in the know on x, y and z, or any other various things that I might do to try to draw attention to myself. How am I seeking man's approval by my speech, dress and actions is another way to word it. If I simply focus on do's and don'ts that aren't specifically laid out in scripture and try to force MY rules on others it's straight up legalism. We all know thou shall not wear a bikini is not expressly stated in the Bible.

He's the other ugly reason why I think having a narrow view of modesty has messed me up. I loved videos such as the one I saw today in the past because I could say right on and applaud the men sharing. Those immodest women need to know how they are making my husband stumble and struggle with lust after all. All this did was cause me to be holier than thou and simply fed into my own fears and insecurity. Gross. Gross. Gross. Lacking compassion for my more immature sisters in Christ or having a judgmental heart is more damning than what some other woman might wear. Perfect love casts out all fear and allows us to love and embrace others. I'm such a self righteous asshole. Seriously.

So I'm ditching my old view of modesty. It's bunk and it reeks of legalism. I'm not going to point out what another woman chooses to wear whether it seem over the top extravagant in my eyes or lacks too much material in my opinion unless I'm willing to look in the damn mirror and address my own self promotion or massacre my own PR campaign. It all comes from the same crappy heart. Bleh!! I'm sure in some ways I'm probably twisting this somehow too. Hate how the most insidious thing the devil does is slightly twist truth. Wanna punch him in the freaking face. 

1 P 3:
So much here. So much touches on all the stuff I'm really wrestling hard with. I wish I were more humble or meek and mild naturally. I see my feisty girls and although I'm glad they are strong I know the struggles they will encounter. 

"Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in Godʼs sight."
‭‭1 Peter‬ ‭3:4‬ ‭NIV‬‬

Maybe if I live to be 80 I'll finally be able to say that I've learned and been sanctified enough to have a gentle and quiet spirit. I really suck at this. 

D



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Monday, October 24, 2016

Pumpkin Bread

1. My two bigs made pumpkin bread at coop today and I can't help but think about little Lukey who used to call everyone pumpkin bread after Abbie brought some home from "preschool" one year.

2. Spend the day sans littles today. I must say life is "easier" or at least less physically taxing without small frys. Despite the physical energy drain of littles I wouldn't trade extending this stage of life for anything. The day will come when our last little reaches the magical age of 4 to 5ish and it will be beautiful. Les and I will probably not even realized we reached that milestone until it simply smacks us in the face one day. We will congratulate each other and mourn how fast the passing of time goes yet relish in all the Lord has blessed us with. It's a beautiful season. It's an exhausting season. It's a season that passes much more quickly than a parent could ever expect. It's a season you can't hold onto forever no matter how hard you might try. So very thankful for my bigs who will very shortly will propel all of us to hit new seasons and milestones and for the little hands and faces I still get to hold and kiss. Crazy crazy blessed.

3. Played Bingo for prizes in my younger games classes today. A sweet new boy adopted from the Philippians was there. Oh how precious that sweet boy is. So we're playing bingo and he's trying to win like all the other kids. Might seem silly to some but he almost won several times and I kept praying the last number he needed would be called. I was practically begging God for a win for this kid. It never happened BUT something better did. Another kid had a lucky streak and had already won twice. This kid calls bingo a third time and in my head I was thinking shoot because I wanted the other kid to win and he was SO close!!! Well the big winner grabs the prize box and brings it over to the new student and my heart melted into a million pieces. A love offering and encouragement to a precious boy who is probably so thankful to be adopted but who is also grieving the loss of the Philippians and everything he has known for eight years. Love how the Lord hears our prayers and answers in ways that are so much better than we could have ever possibly imagined.

Psalms 115:
"Not to us, Lord, not to us but to your name be the glory, because of your love and faithfulness."
‭‭Psalm‬ ‭115:1‬ ‭NIV‬‬

This psalm could not have been more perfect for today.

D


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Sunday, October 23, 2016

Exploding Diapers In The Sky

So very convinced Browntown was hit by ROTAVIRUS. It can't be killed because it's out for the kill. Littles are still exploding their britches. Did you know it can last 10ish days? Now I remember why they made a vaccine for this beast. The boy that was vaccinated as a baby did he get it? Nope. Good for him. Boo for the rest of us. The other interesting thing is Rotavirus is what I got when pregnant with that boy and ended up going to the hospital. Good times. So Rotavirus and Browntown are not friends. Thankfully we are on the upswing but it might take six months to get caught up on laundry.

Thankful last night for a short car ride with my crew that was filled with sheer joy. I pretty sure I have some of the greatest kids on the planet. Crazy blessed by them. Thankful my hubs made his crazy work shift till 4am while recovering from Rotavirus land. He's simply amazing.

Psalm 114:
Worried about the election? Nah. God's got this and He's got His people.

"Tremble, earth, at the presence of the Lord, at the presence of the God of Jacob,"
‭‭Psalm‬ ‭114:7‬ ‭NIV‬‬

D


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Saturday, October 22, 2016

BAH HUMBUG!

I'm getting Devil cold again. I felt it coming on at the fair and now it's worked it's way into the nooks and crannies of my chest cavity. I really just want to scream and then cry buckets. Seriously hate when I feel like raging again the sky over stupid temporary crap like this but it's been one thing after another and I'm just weary. My body is weary. I feel stupid writing such crap when I know there are people battling so much more. I do feel like it's easier to trust the Lord in the difficult trials in life. It's these obnoxious annoyances that always tank me because I feel like I should be able to kick butt and take names or if not that than at least rise above with a smashingly good attitude. Instead my inner BAH HUMBUG is screaming and can't get a grip.

1. Thankful that the Lord loves his angry elf of a child. As much as I want to be better for Him I simply can't muster it out of my own strength and I know He loves me regardless.

2. I'm thankful for a big boy who has been such a great helper. He hasn't complained about the many tasks he been asked to do.

3. Thankful for gracious kids who have rolled with the tv and been okay to just be zombies while everyone gets better and I take of the needier Brownies.

4. Thankful my bigs survived yet another storm. Her poor anxiety was so high this week. Praying the Lord uses this for good in her life and that she remembers that she can be an over comer. Even if that's not the goal for her I pray that she will remember that the Lord was in those scary places with her.

5. Thankful it's a messed up dishwasher and not the washer and dryer. As obnoxious as the dishwasher feels it could have been much much worse.

6. Thankful for a healthy and wild three year old who is causing havoc throughout the land. That little girl is such a joy.

7. Thankful for good health. There's so many horrible things we could be navigating. Throw up from a puke bug is much better than throw up from chemo. Grateful my babies are well and that so are we.

8. Thankful for my roly poly Mudgey Boy. Thankful for his cookie dough thighs and that his cries to nurse are not caused by deep hunger pains. I'll forever remember that their are many Mommas who are starving whose milk does not deliver the same kind of nutrition. Even as I feel like a drying up prune, my boy is still getting something.

9. Thankful the baby just let me set him down without loosing his mind. He's better and I'm so thankful.

10. Thankful for just how powerful gratitude truly is. I now feel like I can face my day and rather than be defeated before my feet hit the floor I can be more like a conqueror even though sick and weary.

11. Give thanks to the Lord for He is good. His love, mercy and kindness never fails those who love the Lord. He is the lifter of weary heads and the provider of encouragement and manna from heaven. Give thanks to the Lord for He is good. His love endures forever!

Psalms 113:
"Praise the Lord. Praise the Lord, you his servants; praise the name of the Lord."
‭‭Psalm‬ ‭113:1‬ ‭NIV‬‬

The Lord is indeed mighty and powerful! Why is He so good to His people? I don't know but I'm so thankful.

D

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Friday, October 21, 2016

Whack-A-Mole Puke Edition

1. Operating on limited sleep the past two nights and still trying to pull myself out of the recovery ditch. My head has been brutal which has helped absolutely nothing.

2. Hate to write it but this has been the worst stomach bug we've dealt with to date. Too many sick kids and not enough buckets. I'm thankful two soldiered on and were okay with being low maintenance. The baby, the Bit and the incredibly anxious big have been much harder.

3. Hopeful that the worst is over and we are in full swing recovery mode. Three are still standing so we'll see. Must get sleep tonight. Constant interrupted sleep is a form of torture.

4. Really really hoping Mudgey is feeling better tomorrow. The poor kid has been so sad and upset. He has every right to be both of those. There's not a lot of things sadder than watching a baby throw up. If I'm honest though his constant nursing and screaming if he can't is rough on the crazy headache and the dehydrated momma.

5. I'm sure tomorrow pending some sleep I'll be laughing about the crazy of the last couple days. I do have a whole new set of stories now which is always fun. Today is not the day though.

6. Thankful all is quite now. Did get word that there might in fact only be two left standing rather than three. Sad sad day.

7. I'm officially over most of my kids smelling like a bottle of nail polish.

Psalm 112:
"Surely the righteous will never be shaken; they will be remembered forever. They will have no fear of bad news; their hearts are steadfast, trusting in the Lord."
‭‭Psalm‬ ‭112:6-7‬ ‭NIV‬‬

Really hate how much of a grumpy poop I've been the last several days. The lack of sleep thing really does make it hard to put on my Pollyanna face and turns lemons into lemonade. I'm already running on low sleep fumes most days string some hard nights together and I just can't deal with life. Things like a dumb dishwasher that only works sometimes is enough to make me loose my mind. On other days it gives me opportunity to give thanks. Without sleep it makes me want to blow up the entire world. Just keeping it real. Need to crash so I can take the morning shift so my hubs can sleep after a late night at work and a possible tango with the puke bug of death.

D



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Thursday, October 20, 2016

The Aftermath

It's been a rough 36 hours to say the least. Taking care of a little while in the throes of having a stomach bug is not an easy feat. Thankful for my hubs who helped to carry the burden. Neither of us got much sleep last night. Thankful I got to sleep in but could have stayed in bed all day.

This afternoon and evening has been spent taking care of my littlest boys who are sick now as well. This is a pretty mean bug. Praying my Mudgey doesn't get it as bad as Bit. Think he could get dehydrated super fast. Preparing for another rough night but oh how my body is screaming for rest. Definitely already had my moments of crying out to the Lord. He is good all the time.

Hoping to get some well kids and sick kids to bed without much drama. Once that happens fingers crossed Psalms and bed.

D

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Wednesday, October 19, 2016

Bonding With The Bit

This morning started a little explosive with my littlest Brownie. It trickled its way down to the Bit and then to me. Sharing a bowl is not the kind of bonding I would have signed myself up for but I'm sure one day it will be a fun story to tell. Thankful my hubs current gig is not out of town and thankful for bigs would can hold down the fort and comfort a grumpy baby. Thankful for the little heater of a girl who makes the fever chills a bit more bearable. Think Bitty is over the worst of it. Hate to write that but she's handling ice chips now like a champ. Fingers crossed.

Psalms and then more Winnie the Pooh. My hubs is taking the night shift with Mudge. No way this Momma can nurse him all night long. Thankful for that man!

D

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Tuesday, October 18, 2016

I HEART The State Fair

1. Such a tank filling family day at the fair. It's been way too long since we had a good family day out. So crazy thankful!!

2. We had to buy two discounted tickets but it still was the cheapest trip yet. It was so hot we didn't buy any food. Props to 90 degree days in October!

3. Kids experienced some minor disappointments today but I'm so proud of the way they handle it all. Since we never got any food tickets we didn't end up getting our traditional bag of cotton candy on the way out. Not a single complaint. Really proud of my kids.

4. On the way out a lady counted our kids then said: seven kids!? Really sister? I turned and looked at her and simply said it's awesome. She responded saying she couldn't even have one. My heart still hurts for the woman. By chance saw her again on the way out and we had small talk and she said how she envied me. I'll be chewing on that conversation for awhile.

Had a couple words with the mom from another family of six. We kept running into each other. Fun to knowingly exchange brief words about being "in the club". Other large families just get it. Each life is a miracle and it is such a blessing to be able to raise a child. Thankful for the encouragement from the Lord lately in this regard as sometimes I just feel old and wonder if we're crazy.

5. Need to go forage for food before I yack.

Psalm 109:
Not sure how I feel about this Psalm. It seems incredibly harsh would love to know more of the back story.

D

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Monday, October 17, 2016

A Case Of The Monday's

I think I'm developing an allergy toward Monday's. Started the day off throwing up just like last Monday. What's the deal with that!? At this point I'm scratching my head. If it happens again next Monday it's obvious I've just developed a case of the Monday's. I knew Monday's were created to be spent in pj's all day.

I got nothing else. Feeling pretty gross this evening. Supposed to try to hit the fair tomorrow. It's going to be one million degrees. It's my fault for starting to switch over closets. Doh! If we are still in Texas this time next year I vow there will be no switching till December in hopes my kids freeze their buns off for a couple months. Why does fall hate Texas!?!?

1 Peter 4:
Can't begin to really process much of this. Too many thoughts still swirling. These verses are incredibly SOBERING.

"For it is time for judgment to begin with Godʼs household; and if it begins with us, what will the outcome be for those who do not obey the gospel of God? And, "If it is hard for the righteous to be saved, what will become of the ungodly and the sinner?""
‭‭1 Peter‬ ‭4:17-18‬ ‭NIV‬‬

D




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Sunday, October 16, 2016

The Flipside

Read an article with this picture. It's clergy at an abortion clinic protesting the peaceful protesters which they consider unloving. This article broke my heart.

On the other side it would have done my heart good if a church in my area had contacted a guy who felt abandoned by the church (to their credit maybe they did) instead of launching a PR letter writing campaign to defend their side. It would be incredibly hard to do but contact the individual who is obviously hurt, have a conversation, ask for forgiveness for said hurt and trust that the Lord will defend and fight for you. Thinking through all this I realize I need to stop trying to have the last word, especially with my kids. It's my job to train them but sometimes remaining quiet speaks a lot louder than words. My words will do squat to ever truly convict their little hearts. If I remain silent at times it gives room for the HS to convict.

1 Corinthians 5:
Really chewing on this chapter in light of everything. The unrepentant sin the man was engaged in this chapter was so egregious that even the pagan highly sexually charged society at the time considered it morally wrong. That says a lot. The church not only embraced it but took pride in their "tolerance". In commentary though it was interesting to read the take of the author. He doesn't believe the Matthew 18 process has the same effect as it once did. It doesn't mean that you abandon it but still interesting. The reasons sighted are 1. Churches that are large. Part of the process that's also mentioned in this chapter of Corinthians is a mourning over the sin and over the person. The disfellowship of the member would be felt by everyone back in the day. Everyone in the church community felt the loss of the person. There was a community of mourning and it also helped to show others in the community that the consequence of sin extended into the community of believers itself. 2. Disciplined members can just hop from church to church. 3. The apostate church is there to welcome all.

There's a couple thoughts. How much has sexual abuse running rampant in the church caused it to loose credibility in our society. As crazy and sexually free as everybody is these days sexual abuse is still very much considered immoral by our society. Condoning and covering up not only sexual abuse but abuse in general has not done the church any favors. Maybe the changing tides has a lot to do with abandoning Matthew 18 and not doing what Paul encouraged in 1 Cor 5.

I do wonder again what true persecution would do to refine the church in America. Would the apostate church be able to withstand the flames and arrows of real deal persecution. I'm not so sure.

D


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Fish Lips

Sometimes kid funk comes up at times that kinda stinks. Kid funk kept Les and I from both going to a murder mystery bday but thankful my hubs took one for the team and let me go. Fun to pretend even when as an adult and have fun. Thankful for friends to be silly with.

Still lots of wrestling or stewing on current events in my area. Still reading comments everywhere. It's fascinating to me. I just keep mulling over how Jesus responded when He was falsely accused and crucified. He didn't defend Himself instead He sat there silently while they accused and abused Him. As He was suffering unimaginable pain and was being degraded in the most deplorable ways He looked upon the crowd and ask His Father to forgive them. That's the beauty of meekness and humility. Those are not qualities celebrated in our society.

The things I'm learning out of the mess of it all is to once again evaluate my heart and whether I'm truly more concerned about another person made in God's image or being "right". I confess I often take much delight in just being right.

The other thing I've had time to really mull over is the importance of knowing why I think God created the standards of living that He did. God isn't random about anything. There is purpose and order behind His laws and precepts. As a rule breaker I've never been one to want to follow a rule just because. I know which of my kids are rule breakers and which ones are rule followers. Regardless which camp anyone falls in it's a good idea to ask the question why?

Showing empathy and compassion is not the same thing as condoning sin. I've seen a lot of defending and throwing out tag lines like truth sounds like hate to those who hate truth instead of a willingness to listen. The church can't ignore that they have indeed been incredibly hateful to the gay community and it continues to happen. In a way it's kinda like Black Lives Matter. We can't ignore the hate that African Americans have endured. I can't pretend as a white woman that I can even begin to understand. What I can do is be willing to listen, be willing to hear the pain of another, empathize and have compassion. It is so hard not to be defensive when being called a bigot. But what if us bigots stopped trying to justify and defend and embraced humility. Man it's hard to be humble!!! Yet I keep coming back to humility. It's humility that allows me to recognize my desperate need for Christ. It's humility that allows me to love others, to serve others, to put others first, bear with one another, ect.

1 Peter 1-3:
Good good verses regarding all of this. I won't lie I want to make sense of stuff in my head and "figure" it out. Not all things will ever be completely "figured" out this side of heaven. Our knowledge here on earth is so finite and I serve an infinite God.

D

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Saturday, October 15, 2016

I Like To Wrestle With It All

Watched a sweet group of kids tonight that I really love. Thankful to be able to get caught up with a friend tonight as well. I think I just assumed that most people wrestle with trying to "figure" things out but I'm not quite sure that is the case. Not only do I wrestle I really like to wrestle with it all. I need handles to grasp onto and try to understand. 

Psalm 108:
Thankful for this!
"With God we will gain the victory, and he will trample down our enemies."
‭‭Psalm‬ ‭108:13‬ ‭NIV‬‬

D


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Thursday, October 13, 2016

The Difficult Yet Beautiful

So many thoughts and having a hard time putting handles on any of it. I just know that my heart hurts for the struggles people face on a day to day basis. Nobody likes to struggle and yet even in the sorrow of struggle there can be so much beauty. Maybe I need to learn to embrace it more. The irony of that is struggle must happen in order to grow endurance and if struggle ceases to cause strife is it even considered struggle? Maybe it takes struggle in order to transform into surrender.

Been following FB traffic about a church well known to this area and well known to me personally. It's blown up a bit. I'm a comment reader. I actually find reading comments more fascinating than articles and posts themselves. It gives me a window into humanity so to speak. Of course I've been trolling the comments. Some are flat out lies and crazy and some sound oddly and sadly familiar. It would be an easy time to jump on the angry hate train. Although I'm not completely over tapping into my anger bubble it's most definitely not my primary emotion. I'm sad and confused and wondering how to truly love people. I have discovered that I accidentally became a Pharisee in my zeal to following the Lord. The Lord has lovingly been correcting my heart disease by squeezing all the crap out of me. It's easy to become legalistic when you think you are on the right track and well on the achieving track. It's harder to thumb your nose at others when you discover just how much your poo stinks. I've been swimming in my humanity a lot and I tell you it would be more pleasant to take a dive in a cesspool. It didn't take much squeezing for the crap to come tumbling out either and I know like a huge under the skin zit there is so much more crap left to be squeeze out. I've been a complete fool to think that I know much about anything. I don't know squat.

This leads me to the topic of the hour, homosexuality. I think it's easy to handle this topic as just that, a topic. It gets harder when you insert people's faces that you know and care about. I sadly haven't had any vibrant gay friendships since living here. In the process of forging some now and I'm thankful for that. The thing that has hit me the most in reading comments about the current issue is the pain. People begging and pleading with God to just take their struggle away. The body of Christ more interested in changing a person than bearing with them in their struggle. There's lack of empathy and understanding. I wonder for those who eventually give up and give into the lifestyle if they could have continued in the fight if other brothers and sisters entered into the battle with them and held up their arms? I know friends who have struggled with singleness. What would it be like to struggle with singleness but what seems like the answer be just within grasp? What if the church stopped trying to just run people through programs to fix people but rather took time to walk with and shepherd even if it meant walking it out mile after grueling hour. What if we just stopped looking for a quick fix? Can we be okay knowing that some of our crap will remain till we meet Jesus face to face? It doesn't mean we must wallow in the crap but what if we let struggle do its work in us and in others so that it can transform into beautiful surrender? What would it look like if we trusted God with the process and stopped trying to microwave it or control the timeline? I don't know but I'm really sad and distraught that there's not more loving and sitting in it with people. It's tricky and challenging times for the church. I admit I do not do enough praying about it. Lord help your Body hold fast to truth but learn to love the way that you do.

D

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Wednesday, October 12, 2016

Slow Down

A bit emotional tonight. My oldest has fallen in love with the song Slow Down and plays it over and over again. Seriously can't handle it. A friend posting about her boy turning 11 has helped NOTHING!!! My bigs will be 11 shortly and I just can't understand where the time went. Bit wanted to see baby pictures of herself which led to looking at pictures on the Facebook and seeing how much my babies have grown. Then I can't help but think about how blessed I am to be growing another blessing. Overwhelming for sure. I am so incredibly rich. Wish I could hold onto this perspective especially on the crazy difficult days. Thankful for it today.

No fried corn dogs for us this week due to several things. Hoping next week all of us will be able to pull ourselves together and tickets will work out.

Plan on figuring out a time to get a date with Jesus and write my own Psalm 105.

Psalms 106:
This contrasted with 105 is very interesting. 105 focuses on all the Lord did that was blessing and 106 tells more of the story of judgement for rebellion. These verses make my heart sink and I mourn for our country. Oh the idols and demons we worship here in this land.

"They sacrificed their sons and their daughters to false gods. They shed innocent blood, the blood of their sons and daughters, whom they sacrificed to the idols of Canaan, and the land was desecrated by their blood. They defiled themselves by what they did; by their deeds they prostituted themselves."
‭‭Psalm‬ ‭106:37-39‬ ‭NIV‬‬

D


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Tuesday, October 11, 2016

Hello Virginia!

Fun tonight checking out property in Tennessee and Virginia. I'm pretty sold on Virginia right now but still wouldn't be upset if my "Let's Move to Missoula" song came true either. I do feel like Virginia would be a wonderful spot for homeschooling and offer four glorious and wonderful seasons. Hurray for seasons!! Hurray even more for no Dallergies!!! Really right now anywhere with no Dalllergies sounds pretty darn amazing. I'm so allergic to this city.

Today was an uphill battle but I fought a valiant fight despite my body not cooperating. We got another full day of school in. The ADD was in full effect today. At least they are my little minions with ADD, I couldn't imagine a full classroom with ADD kids mixed in. There's no way you can really tailor education for them. I just have a handful of students and it's challenging to find out what makes my kids tick and I'm with them ALL THE TIME. Realizing more and more that the Lord was incredibly gracious to lead our family to teach at home. I think many of my kids would have been crushed by a one size fits all education. There's nothing one size fits all about any of them!! The greatest thing that happened today was my kid telling me a story about his new friend who is really smart and he threw in "just like me". He's really smart just like me might not mean much to some but coming from this kid just about broke me. It makes all the crazy days and hard days and slugging it out days so incredibly worth it. There's a fair amount of fun days and awesome days thrown in the midst of it all but those aren't the days that make me question whether I'm crazy or not. The blood, sweat and tears are worth it and on the days that my view is too myopic I know years down the road it will have been worth every single crappy day. Cultivating little minds and hearts is no joke.

Psalm 105:
This is a really sweet Psalm of praise. Starts off rejoicing over the greatness of the Lord then recounts all the Lord has done for Israel. Makes me want to sit down and write my own Psalm like this recounting all the wonders the Lord has done in my life.

"Sing to him, sing praise to him; tell of all his wonderful acts."
‭‭Psalm‬ ‭105:2‬ ‭NIV‬‬

D

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Monday, October 10, 2016

Well That's One Way To Start The Day

Today I was reminded of a very familiar scene when pregnant with Abbie. Nothing quite like dry heaving to get the day started. I've felt pretty blech all day. This is the strangest pregnancy ever. No rhyme or reason to much of anything. Didn't sleep much last night so that surely didn't help anything. 

My kids stole the rest of my words so wrapping it up quickly. Thankful for beautiful weather. So ready for the crispness of fall. Wish we actually had more than a week or so of fall in these parts. It's snowing in Bozeman tonight. Jealous of others fleeing Texas and heading off to other glorious parts of the world. Ready for a new adventure. 

Psalm 104:
Good to be reminded of the sheer awe of the Lord. Need to get out in His beauty so I can fully take it in. 

"All creatures look to you to give them their food at the proper time. When you give it to them, they gather it up; when you open your hand, they are satisfied with good things."
‭‭Psalm‬ ‭104:27-28‬ ‭NIV‬‬

Thankful for the ways the Lord shows up in our sorrow, grief and broken places. It can be so hard to really sit in grief with another because often we just want to fix instead of allowing another to just be where they are. I think the past couple years I've seen another side of grief in myself and others that I love. Grief can be lonely but it's so beautiful when someone trusts you enough to fully invite you to sit with them in their grief. It's a humbling a holy experience to love someone enough to just sit with them in the heartache and pain and not try to speed up the process. There is great beauty in grief and pain. If I simply desire to just experience happiness or joy I miss out on so much. Blessed are those who mourn. Only the Lord could turn sorrow and grief into something so incredibly beautiful and turn it into blessing.

D


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Sunday, October 09, 2016

Two Down

1. Thankful for kids big enough to fend for themselves and eat feed smaller siblings. The food in my house and I are not friends right now.

2. I'm thankful for running water but dirty dishes are not my friend either.

3. Thankful for my washer and dryer. I ran them both ragged today. Lots of laundry washed and sorted. Am I caught up? Bahahahaha!!! I did laundry all day too. BUT two children now have their clothes swapped out. Only five more to go. Eek!

4. SO thankful to feel better tonight than I did this morning. The devil Virus is in my head now so surely it's almost over. Thankful the hacking has mostly left the building.

5. Thankful for the need to swap clothes. I am DYING for fall!!

6. Thankful it's freaking hat day tomorrow!!!

Psalms 103:
If you doubt His love and compassion this is most definitely the Psalm to read. Thoughts to make your heart sing.

"For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his love for those who fear him; as far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us."
‭‭Psalm‬ ‭103:11-12‬ ‭NIV‬‬

D


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Saturday, October 08, 2016

Damn You Devil Virus

I'm sure it just evil hateful Dallergies but I feel like I'm dying from Devil Virus 2016. It's now firmly planted in my throat and the sinuses in my forehead. If it is allergies I'm out of OTC options to throw at it. Sprays and pills aren't touching it at all which then makes me think it is indeed some tropical disease that is never going to leave.

Enough of my grumping and moaning.

1. Thankful for big kids and tv. I thought I slept in till about 9 but I think it was more like 10 and I didn't roll out of bed till after 11:30. It was glorious.

2. Starting making preparations to swap clothes out thanks to the motivation of a friend. She got all four of her kids done and I'm amazed. I wish we could all still just be naked. Sin is such a time consumer.

3. Thankful for a friend who hosted my crazy crew and fed us dinner with smores. This weather is glorious. Really wanting to go camping or rent a cabin or something.

4. So excited about sleeping.

Psalms 101:
So many things I'd like to ponder and compare to other scripture. Can't keep my eyes open for that. Thankful for an opportunity to look at pictures of a friend and rejoice in His faithfulness to His people! The Lord is good!

D

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Friday, October 07, 2016

Couch Potato

Could not get off the couch today. Nauseous and once again that translates into not the pukes but other fun issues. I've never been experienced the joys of gestating quite like this before. For another side of fun the funk that grew down in my chest has made a nice comfy nest in my throat. Again I felt like I was running a slight fever today. I feel like Little Miss Muffet as I bark orders at the kids to clean up. Normally I throw in with them somehow but my bum was firmly planted on the couch.

OH! I found out why my poor little garden is struggling. I pulled up our watermelon vines and the roots were all knotty. I instantly thought nematodes BUT upon further inspection termites were living in the knotty roots. The guy in Back to Eden makes it look so easy. Obviously my gardening experience is to more closely resemble toil. I'm personally offended by the bastards eating my plants. Guess I'm not past my Jonah days.

1 P 3:
Dwelling on not returning evil for evil but rather returning evil with good.

D

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Thursday, October 06, 2016

Homegrown Fried Green Tomatoes

1. Thankful for a delicious meal provided for from our garden. I'm a little sad about the state of affairs our garden is in and lack of other produce BUT we had some success this year and think we can only go up from here. 

2. Thankful for bizarro monarchs in our backyard. They are vine eaters and won't eat the milkweed we have in our backyard. I feel like I'm living in some weird twilight zone but if these aren't monarchs their eggs, caterpillars and butterflies look exactly the same. Need to bring some vine to my botanist friend so she can solve the mystery. So much better to find eggs and caterpillars in the backyard instead of trampling through snake infested fields. The Lord is good. 

3. I heart make your own pizza night in Browntown. We finally have enough bigs to make it worth it and it's much better than frozen pizza. Thankful for new family traditions. 

4. Thankful for the new playhouse my hubs made the kids. Love the imagination it is spurring on and the handicrafts that are already being made for it. Getting closer and closer to living like Laura Engels. Now all we need are some chickens, corn cob dolls, some soap making and butter churning and we'll be well on our way. 

5. Thankful for friends sharing stories of God's provision and for possible future adventures brewing for others. I love living vicariously through friends especially when they can send me pictures from paradise. Gives me hope that one day soon we'll be packing up for our own big adventure. Come on four seasons and amazing beauty. Got to get to that Bitterroot Valley. 

6. Thankful for a nap today and a midwife who told me a nap everyday is what she would tell me to do if it was realistic. So I'll count the days that it works out as a glorious victory. 

7. I've realized my attitude about my crazy exhaustion has changed significantly since hearing a heartbeat. I'm reminded that this is a season and the reward is an eternal being. There's nothing else in this world that I'll do that will last all eternity. Surely a couple more years of exhaustion is well worth the exchange. Pouring myself out as a drink offering is easier done when viewing life through the lens of eternity. Wish I had that perspective more often. I'm very much thrown off by the here and the now. 

8. You know you are exhausted when you dream about going on dates with your husband and all you do is take a loooong nap. It was glorious but got us home way too late. 

1 Peter 3:
Head is spinning a bit from this chapter. Kinda like a five course meal. I love that you can read passages over and over and yet still find new treasures in them. How amazing that the Word of God is indeed living! So many gems in this chapter but here's the first one that grabbed me.

"Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in Godʼs sight. For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to adorn themselves. They submitted themselves to their own husbands, like Sarah, who obeyed Abraham and called him her lord. You are her daughters if you do what is right and do not give way to fear."
‭‭1 Peter‬ ‭3:4-6‬ ‭NIV‬‬

First thing is the beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit. I think growing in this will be a lifelong battle. Gentle and quiet spirit is hard for the line of women I've come from and the line of girls that seem to be coming after me. I know this fiery spunk is good for something but a little toning and humbling would be quite lovely.

I've never really noticed or remember noticing this "do what is right and do not give way to fear." I imagine a lot of struggle with submission stems out of fear. How good is the Lord to get to the root of the problem? Good to step back and dwell on how fear can run amuck and mess things up.

D



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Wednesday, October 05, 2016

Corn Dogging It

Today I'm thankful for Sonic for providing a ginormous carbonated beverage that I needed and a corn dog that I had no idea that I needed. It was the best darn corn dog I ever did eat.

Good chat with my beloved last night. Out of town trip and exhaustion/illness has not been a good combination for connecting. Thankful for an opportunity last night. Sometimes it's a festivus miracle for both of us to outlast the kids.

I keep thinking today is Friday which is really throwing me off. Maybe it's because I saw that corn dogs are 50¢ on the weekends after 5pm. I think I've found my new obsession. Much cheaper than Jack In The Box egg rolls. Can't tell you how many of those things I ate when baking Little Toshva.

1 Peter 2:
Chewing on this tonight.

"Live as free people, but do not use your freedom as a cover-up for evil; live as Godʼs slaves."
‭‭1 Peter‬ ‭2:16‬ ‭NIV‬‬

D

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Tuesday, October 04, 2016

Providence

This morning woke up from another night of my little piglet trying to get milk all night and coughing all in between. My sweet husband let me sleep in. I could have stayed in bed all day but dragged myself out. Got into my prayer closet and duked it out with God. Basically I'm being a bratty Israelite complaining and bitter over the manna. Instead of marveling in the miraculous of the manna I'm angry about it. I want flocks upon flocks of quail. Got to sit in that this morning and again I'm sorrowful over the condition of my heart. I've missed the miraculous and failed to give thanks for it. I've blown off and discounted the daily sweet mercies He has bestowed upon me. I am insanely exhausted and sleep is oh so elusive but my focus on my circumstances has blinded me to so much. Frankly, I'm too human to be able to push past the things I can see and feel so I realize even more just how desperate I am for Jesus. Thankful the Lord is so loving and gentle in His correction.

I knew National Night Out was coming up but with the crazy exhaustion I just didn't know how to pull anything off. Prayed about it and neighbors knocked on the door and God provided. I am sad I didn't hit the streets inviting people. I do love the people on our street. I wish I could figure out a way to be more intentional. Halloween will be an easy one. Thankful for provision and sad at the same time. I have been more antisocial in my fatigue but I really do love people.

First midwife appt today. So good to see her. So good to hear a heartbeat. Oh how beautiful that sound is. It never ever gets old. The miracle of it all. Can't believe the Lord has blessed us with these amazing kids. I simply can't imagine our lives without a single one of them. I am so incredibly rich.

Midwife lovingly called me out on my lack of self care. Almost lost it when she told me you matter too and you are precious to God and to me. Wish I could just be vulnerable enough to just cry but obviously not there yet. That's when I want to yell how long? How long oh Lord will I be stubborn?

Was thinking about a sweet friend burning the candle at both ends who is feeling it right now and realized I just might be in a season very similar to hers. It looks very different but I think both of us are going to have to learn how to be okay with good enough and learn to lean on the Lord's manna. Oh how I want the assurance of abundance. My idol of ease and comfort is so huge it's ridiculous. 

2 Cor 4:
"Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal."
‭‭2 Corinthians‬ ‭4:16-18‬ ‭NIV‬‬

D


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Monday, October 03, 2016

Good Times

Woke up at 4am and though I fought hard to go back to sleep that was not in the cards for today. May the coffee flow abundantly all day today. 

Figuring my brain will be extra mushy this evening read this morning.

Dwelling on this verse:
"Now that you have purified yourselves by obeying the truth so that you have sincere love for each other, love one another deeply, from the heart."
‭‭1 Peter‬ ‭1:22‬ ‭NIV‬‬

Lord may I not view myself better than I ought to but rather view others better than myself. Give me eyes to see your people the way you see them. Help me to love my people and others extravagantly like you love me.


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Sunday, October 02, 2016

Yawn

Good day. Weather was glorious. Got to church again with friends and had fun eating lunch with them. Kids very much leading the charge with church but thankful for God's gracious provision. Good sermon. We were a lot bit late so will have to catch the first part later this week.

Hubs and I struggled to keep our eyes open today. I feel like most of the funk is out of my lungs but allergies are still whipping everyone. Gotta love Dallergies.

My little girls took a late nap and I feel like I'm in bed with the Muppets. What's up with my littles acting like my never sleeps while my never sleeps actually sleep? I swear they take shifts.

Psalms 18:

Love thinking about the Lord delighting in us. It's not a thought I have often. I know He loves us like crazy but there's something awesome thinking about the Lord delighting in us.

"He brought me out into a spacious place; he rescued me because he delighted in me."
‭‭Psalm‬ ‭18:19‬ ‭NIV‬‬

Thankful that He is my rock, my refuge and my shield.

D


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Saturday, October 01, 2016

P

Pretty lazy day for me. Lots of time in bed but unfortunately a steady stream of kids kept me from actually napping. Thankful to get some individual time chatting with my kiddos but sometimes I'm surprised that they don't get tired of being around me all the time.

Last night I think Benadryl helped but still up in the middle of the night hacking. Surely there can't be much more funk to get out of my lungs. Felt like I was running a fever this morning but didn't feel especially hot.

Psalms and hopefully Mudge will fall asleep!

D

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