Tuesday, October 25, 2016

If I Want To Cast Stones At The "Immodest" Woman Maybe I Should Take A Look At My Self Promoting PR Campaign First

Had a good long think today about modesty and I'm truly disgusted by what I found in myself. I see things a bit differently tonight than I did this morning. I get why the church has become ineffective. It feels so damn good to come up with my own set of rules and set of standards for others. It makes me feel good about my choices and dang it self righteousness feels awesome. People are dying to be heard and be extended compassion and empathy.

So here's the big dirty truth. I jumped on the modesty bandwagon whole freaking heartedly. As a teen some of the things I wore could have been considered immodest but overall I am naturally bent towards modesty. If I'm even more honesty I have probably been that way simply because I've always struggled with body image. I'm sure if I ever thought in my hay day that I was hot I would have exploited it in my pagan days. Heck, I would have exploited probably in my immature Christian days, not that I'm saying I'm mature now necessarily. So I was modest due to insecurity. I embraced modesty as a Christian wholeheartedly out of fear and insecurity. I saw a video today about modesty. It basically was a group of guys being truth tellers about what it's like for them when women are dressed immodestly and how it's a gift to them when women wear some damn clothes. They own their sin but still. It pissed me off. It pissed me way off and I know the hearts of these men. But what these men fail to understand is that despite their "authenticity" and "owning" their responses they are still passing the buck of their struggle onto someone else. They lack the empathy or the compassion to see how modesty verses have been used in the same vein to abuse women and to oppress them. I know this is not the hearts of these men but it's failing to recognize that these are the realities of the culture around them. It's failing to acknowledge rape culture. People are tired of the modesty talk because it focuses on the struggle of men and less on the hearts of women. It places a standard on women that is not placed on men. I'm not saying modesty is outdated or that women should not be aware of how men view the world and how they struggle. But it's very much like white people saying that racism is a thing of the past. I know men struggle with lust I think we should care as sisters in Christ BUT let's not elevate the struggle of lust beyond any other struggle.

I want my daughters to care about their other brothers and sisters in Christ. I also don't want them to blame shift their struggles onto others. Don't claim to own it but pass the buck. Just own it.

Here's the modesty piece I think I've been totally missing. When Paul wrote about modesty he wasn't addressing the amount of skin the ladies were wearing. He was instructing them to dress in a way that did not draw attention to themselves. Don't have fancy hair do's, don't wear your high dollar luxury clothing as a status symbol. Dress respectfully and live a modest humble lifestyle. Church isn't a fashion parade because it's a place to worship the Lord not be noticed. Here's the deal a woman can walk into church and be completely decked out to the nines with absolutely no skin showing but in her heart dress to draw attention to herself from everyone she meets. Another woman could be flashing some skin but in her heart have no desire to draw attention to herself. Which woman is the immodest one? It would be interesting if two pictures of this nature were to be shown and which woman would be picked as the immodest one. The thing is we can't judge someone based solely on their appearance. We simply can't see past the exterior to view the heart. Yet when I judge modesty simply based on outward appearance I miss the whole stinking point. I've been struggling with how to teach my kids about modesty in such a way that doesn't make them a bunch of legalistic punks. I've figured it out. If I teach them that modesty is so much more than what they wear and that it's about the state of their heart it becomes less rule based and more heart based. It's good for me as well. Do I dress and carry myself in such a way to draw attention to myself? This carries into trying to dominate a conversation on a girls night out, having to be the one in the know on x, y and z, or any other various things that I might do to try to draw attention to myself. How am I seeking man's approval by my speech, dress and actions is another way to word it. If I simply focus on do's and don'ts that aren't specifically laid out in scripture and try to force MY rules on others it's straight up legalism. We all know thou shall not wear a bikini is not expressly stated in the Bible.

He's the other ugly reason why I think having a narrow view of modesty has messed me up. I loved videos such as the one I saw today in the past because I could say right on and applaud the men sharing. Those immodest women need to know how they are making my husband stumble and struggle with lust after all. All this did was cause me to be holier than thou and simply fed into my own fears and insecurity. Gross. Gross. Gross. Lacking compassion for my more immature sisters in Christ or having a judgmental heart is more damning than what some other woman might wear. Perfect love casts out all fear and allows us to love and embrace others. I'm such a self righteous asshole. Seriously.

So I'm ditching my old view of modesty. It's bunk and it reeks of legalism. I'm not going to point out what another woman chooses to wear whether it seem over the top extravagant in my eyes or lacks too much material in my opinion unless I'm willing to look in the damn mirror and address my own self promotion or massacre my own PR campaign. It all comes from the same crappy heart. Bleh!! I'm sure in some ways I'm probably twisting this somehow too. Hate how the most insidious thing the devil does is slightly twist truth. Wanna punch him in the freaking face. 

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So much here. So much touches on all the stuff I'm really wrestling hard with. I wish I were more humble or meek and mild naturally. I see my feisty girls and although I'm glad they are strong I know the struggles they will encounter. 

"Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in Godʼs sight."
‭‭1 Peter‬ ‭3:4‬ ‭NIV‬‬

Maybe if I live to be 80 I'll finally be able to say that I've learned and been sanctified enough to have a gentle and quiet spirit. I really suck at this. 


Sent from my iPhone

Sent from my iPhone

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