So this week has once again been full of internal turmoil. My cheeks have been flushed and a fire has been burning in my belly. I know I have been arrogant about others arrogance and it grieves me deeply. I wish I had eyes to see the church the way the Lord does. But I don't. My view is often still very much fleshly and I know I have my own baggage that I bring to the table. But I've really needed to see that grace and truth can both be held and one not abandoned for the other. I've been sick to my stomach over so many things and I've waffled between anger and sadness. I know most of my anger can probably be put in the self righteous category. It's been super hard for me to be the ENFP that God has created me to be.
The Lord has graciously kept drawing me to 1 & 2 Peter. Peter is supposedly an ENFP too. To be honest I've been upset about that. I'd prefer Paul to an ENFP. But today as I sat in passages from 1 & 2 Peter I saw something I've never seen before. These verses caught my eye today.
"For this very reason, make every effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge; and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness; and to godliness, mutual affection; and to mutual affection, love. For if you possess these qualities in increasing measure, they will keep you from being ineffective and unproductive in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. But whoever does not have them is nearsighted and blind, forgetting that they have been cleansed from their past sins."
2 Peter 1:5-9 NIV
I didn't want to miss something here as I've been on my soapbox on how ineffective the church has become. I'm so sick of hearing about the culture wars and how it's an us verses them thing. Really it makes me want to puke and as of late the uptick in all of it has been too much for me with all the election hub bun. It's the evil pagans crushing the poor Christians with their evil agendas. Do I think there's an agenda out there? You better believe it but I also think the church has been so incredibly arrogant that it refuses to see it has contributed to the problem. So these verses on being ineffective leapt off the page. I dug into commentary and it was the commentary on this verse that really hit me.
"Simon Peter, a servant and apostle of Jesus Christ, To those who through the righteousness of our God and Savior Jesus Christ have received a faith as precious as ours:"
2 Peter 1:1 NIV
Two simple words that convey so much, Simon Peter. Simon was the birth name and Peter given as a new name from Christ himself. Yet in these two words Peter conveys that he is very much the new creation in Christ but still wrestles with the old self.
This is where the beauty of Peter came alive to me today. He loves the Lord passionately but is impulsive and at times prideful. He leaps out of the boat to run to the Lord and yet gets caught up in doubt along the way. He wants to follow Jesus to the ends of the earth and yet when put to the rest denies Him three times. He loves Jesus and yet at times argues that he i the greatest apostle. I see the beauty of the passion and the mess of Peter. I love Jesus and I want my entire life to be a reflection of my master. I want to follow wholeheartedly and yet often I stumble and get lost along the way. Jesus loves this passionate and often prideful mess. I don't want to mess this walk with Christ up but I do daily.
I've hopped around lots this evening but going to bed thankful to run across SO articles tonight that seem to walk the line between grace and truth. One does not have to be abandoned for the other. Tonight I have hope and can find rest and for that I am incredibly thankful.
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