So many thoughts and having a hard time putting handles on any of it. I just know that my heart hurts for the struggles people face on a day to day basis. Nobody likes to struggle and yet even in the sorrow of struggle there can be so much beauty. Maybe I need to learn to embrace it more. The irony of that is struggle must happen in order to grow endurance and if struggle ceases to cause strife is it even considered struggle? Maybe it takes struggle in order to transform into surrender.
Been following FB traffic about a church well known to this area and well known to me personally. It's blown up a bit. I'm a comment reader. I actually find reading comments more fascinating than articles and posts themselves. It gives me a window into humanity so to speak. Of course I've been trolling the comments. Some are flat out lies and crazy and some sound oddly and sadly familiar. It would be an easy time to jump on the angry hate train. Although I'm not completely over tapping into my anger bubble it's most definitely not my primary emotion. I'm sad and confused and wondering how to truly love people. I have discovered that I accidentally became a Pharisee in my zeal to following the Lord. The Lord has lovingly been correcting my heart disease by squeezing all the crap out of me. It's easy to become legalistic when you think you are on the right track and well on the achieving track. It's harder to thumb your nose at others when you discover just how much your poo stinks. I've been swimming in my humanity a lot and I tell you it would be more pleasant to take a dive in a cesspool. It didn't take much squeezing for the crap to come tumbling out either and I know like a huge under the skin zit there is so much more crap left to be squeeze out. I've been a complete fool to think that I know much about anything. I don't know squat.
This leads me to the topic of the hour, homosexuality. I think it's easy to handle this topic as just that, a topic. It gets harder when you insert people's faces that you know and care about. I sadly haven't had any vibrant gay friendships since living here. In the process of forging some now and I'm thankful for that. The thing that has hit me the most in reading comments about the current issue is the pain. People begging and pleading with God to just take their struggle away. The body of Christ more interested in changing a person than bearing with them in their struggle. There's lack of empathy and understanding. I wonder for those who eventually give up and give into the lifestyle if they could have continued in the fight if other brothers and sisters entered into the battle with them and held up their arms? I know friends who have struggled with singleness. What would it be like to struggle with singleness but what seems like the answer be just within grasp? What if the church stopped trying to just run people through programs to fix people but rather took time to walk with and shepherd even if it meant walking it out mile after grueling hour. What if we just stopped looking for a quick fix? Can we be okay knowing that some of our crap will remain till we meet Jesus face to face? It doesn't mean we must wallow in the crap but what if we let struggle do its work in us and in others so that it can transform into beautiful surrender? What would it look like if we trusted God with the process and stopped trying to microwave it or control the timeline? I don't know but I'm really sad and distraught that there's not more loving and sitting in it with people. It's tricky and challenging times for the church. I admit I do not do enough praying about it. Lord help your Body hold fast to truth but learn to love the way that you do.
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