Friday, December 30, 2016

It's Fun To Dream

1. It's fun to dream again. Thankful to get away from my wonderful offspring and just dream and talk and of course solve all the problems in the world.

2. I still have lots of ducks to get in a row for January but at least I know what my ducks are for the most part. The ducks that truly need to get in a row will and the others possibly weren't all that important or can be a duck for next year.

3. Really sleepy so any thoughts I once had are now long gone.

4. Thankful for purging, a house full of kids, a crazy dog that I like/hate, date nights, friends who will watch my minions and laugh at their antics, traditions with a dear friend and perfectly timed visits.

5. James 4
When it comes to comfort I can be quite the friend of this world. I don't want to be a friend of this world. I want to have eyes to see people the way God does. I want to have eyes to see God's glory, beauty and goodness in this world but I also want to see clearly the counterfeits this world has to offer. I'm tired of trading His treasures for the cheap dollar store junk of this world.

"You adulterers! Don't you realize that friendship with the world makes you an enemy of God? I say it again: If you want to be a friend of the world, you make yourself an enemy of God."
‭‭James‬ ‭4:4‬ ‭NLT‬‬


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Thursday, December 29, 2016

Some May Call It Crazy Others An Adventure

1. It's interesting that this thought was one of the first things that came to mind when the dog was adding an extra level of joy and cheer to our morning. The dog actually had a good day and when she is t trying to be next to me I actually like her. She walks my boys multiple times a day and she's helping us purge useless toys. Really I like her mostly but truth be told I hate most living things when I'm gestating. 

2. Friends from out of town stopped by to hang out today. I really enjoy these friends as they dance to the beat of a different drum. They challenge me and my faith. I love how they throw the cautious parameters of American Christianity out the window and set it on freaking fire. Over the years I have sat wide eyed at times as I hear of their newest adventures. I always walk away encouraged and in the past scratching my head a little. I love these friends and I love to hear of their adventures and the amazing ways God provides for them. Life isn't a cake walk for them but they live an adventure and dance this beautiful dance with the Lord that many of us would envy. They love Jesus and are passionate about God and it's awesome to here how often they are at the right place at the right time to lead someone to Christ. 

3. One of the things that is so refreshing to me about my friends is how loosely they hold their possessions. I have heard story after story of how God has provided what they have needed over the years. It's one of the reasons it was so easy to pick up and move to another country because possessions don't tie them down. Mulling over all of it. 

4. Not as far on swapping projects as I would like to be. Not ready to take on 2017 with a whopper of a to do list left to tackle but it will come anyway and it will be fine. 

5. The tiny little snow flake that was on my weather forecast yesterday is now no where to be seen. Sad sad day. 

6. James!!! So stinking good. 

"You want what you don't have, so you scheme and kill to get it. You are jealous of what others have, but you can't get it, so you fight and wage war to take it away from them. Yet you don't have what you want because you don't ask God for it."
‭‭James‬ ‭4:2‬ ‭NLT‬‬

I love this verse. You walk around jealous of others, sulky and upset but did you ever even ask for it? Boom! The entire chapter is a big boom. One right after the other.


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Wednesday, December 28, 2016

It Continues

1. Big room swap and reorganization is still very much in progress. Oy! It's kinda like whack a mole. We have friends moving this weekend and they will probably be done before we are. That makes me laugh a lot! But lots of trash bags and Goodwill stuff so that is excellent. I'd love to garage sale it and make some money for a much needed family weekend getaway but I've got to get it out of my house. I want to get rid of everything. Good news is that once the three kids rooms are swapped and finished we'll be well on our way. Thank goodness!

2. Why is my baby still up? I guess he's actually a toddler now but to me calling him a toddler is fighting words. I'm not willing to let this one grow up.

3. Anybody want a dog?

4. I think I need about three more weeks of Christmas vacation in order to have everything knocked off my to do list to start off the year. Oy! I'm about two months behind in life. It would be great to kick off the new year guns blazing and ready to tackle 2017. Maybe being ill prepared helps stop the illusion of being able to tackle 2017 head on and thus prevents another year of disillusion over failed goals and ideas.

5. Hot fire lava heart burn is putting hair on my chest. Maybe becoming Big Foot should be my goal in 2017 and I can just relax because I'm already halfway there! Now that's a goal I can get behind!

6. So we are going to try gluten and dairy free living as a family to see if that helps any of us with our many ailments. My oldest boy happily said he was ready and knew exactly what he planned on eating in the new year. He was slightly unnerved to remember that bread actually contains gluten and therefore his plan to eat fried egg sandwiches for breakfast, lunch and dinner won't work. I love that kid.

7. James 3. Argh! Hard chapter.

"Indeed, we all make many mistakes. For if we could control our tongues, we would be perfect and could also control ourselves in every other way."
‭‭James‬ ‭3:2‬ ‭NLT‬‬

I can't even be nice to the dumb dog.


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Tuesday, December 27, 2016

Hoarders Jr Edition

Well the great purging has begun. I'd like to get rid of 50 percent of our stuff. There's too many bodies, too many headaches over getting kids to clean up there stuff and there's just too much stuff and not enough room for all the stuff. Minimalism is sounding pretty dang awesome. I can't remember the statistic but a freakishly large amount of time in America is spent on dealing with all their stuff. I almost threw up in my mouth when I heard the number which I have now forgotten or rather blocked out. All we really need is books. Lots and lots of books. That may be contrary to minimalism but im also into kids with some smarts and the more books in a home the more successful kids tend to grow up to be.

Today was spent on the great purging of the ten year old hoarders room. The room is terrifying. I have a friend who is moving an entire house and I'm pretty sure she will have moved out completely before we are done with this crazy crazy room. I should have just sent her to summer camp for a week and all of it could have magically disappeared. She is so my child. Well, if she is indeed my child then at least she will one day go from hoarder to "let's get rid of all this c-rap". Maybe she will even loathe stuffed animals like I do. I used to love every single one fiercely as a kid.

James 2:
Favoritism and faith with good deeds. I would like to think that I don't show favoritism to some over others but that would be foolish to think. God give me eyes and a heart for your people.


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Monday, December 26, 2016

Deranged Easter Bunny

1. Introduced the kids to the greatness of A Christmas Story. So glad they loved it. Would have been sad if they didn't.

2. Spent most of the day laying around. My body refused to do anything today without more sleep. I couldn't have pushed through if I tried. Not glad that I have a sick Mudgey but glad I could lay around and snuggle and nurse him all day. He's still running a fever but perked up for longer than a 15 minute stretch so hurray for progress! He's pretty sad again now but thankful to at least see a touch of my happy boy tonight.

3. Thankful for Legos and crafty things that went on today and a delicious dinner cooked by my wonderful hubs.

4. James 1.
So much here. Dwelling on what it means to be stained by the world.


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Sometimes It's Dreamy & Sometimes It's Downright Messy

1. Doing Christmas on hardly any sleep is not advisable. Thankful for coffee and that it was beautifully messy despite the yawns. Crazy dog, sweet baby boy coming down with something, and excited children who wake up from their own excitement and the crazy dog and the baby crying was a mess. Moments like last night can only be met with laughter. Sometimes traditions are dreamy and sometimes they are a bit messy.

2. Today was a mixture of beauty, exhaustion, some tears turned to smiles, frozen pizza for dinner and a baby that spiked a fever. I love the family the Lord has so graciously blessed us with. We are a beautiful mess and it's lovely and I'm thankful.

3. So homemade cinnamon rolls have been part of this ideal Christmas morning tradition I've had. Most Christmas's it has not happened at all. But get this, every year I could not pull myself together to make them homemade cinnamon rolls always ended up gracing our table Christmas Morning through sweet friends. Fun marveling at that as we (my hubs) rolled out cinnamon rolls this morning. It was the dreamy kinda cinnamon roll making I've hoped would one day happen. Most everyone jumped in and mixed or rolled or sprinkled at some point or another. It wasn't a flash mob but rather a sweet trickling in and out. This sight definitely is one I've longed for in my head since I decided cinnamon rolls were important to me Christmas Morning.

Sunday, December 25, 2016

What Child Is This?

1. Up WAY to late!!! But wrapping, and chatting and High Castle and hay and remembering Baby Jesus and crazy dog and AND and...

2. So many many thoughts in my head. Maybe in the upcoming days I'll be able to write it all out.

3. Sweet friends at church tonight. On my friend struggling with constant pain. You wouldn't know it because she's not a complainer. Oh to not be a complainer.

4. I need to wear waterproof mascara to church. Beautiful service. Great message. The Rector ending it by singing What Child is this drove home the beauty of this season. Overwhelming.

5. Sweet to see my kids really singing and engaging with the sermon. Having them and my hubs at church together is priceless. Had the three littlest in the nursery and that made for an overall easier experience. Thankful they were all willing except for Mudgey. Reminds me that it's good to ditch the littles to just do bigger kid things sometimes and vice versa. This was the easiest candle light service I've been to since having kids. I remember one Christmas distinctly thinking "will you just shut up and get to the blow out the candle part so my kids don't set each other on fire"! Ah little boys with candles is such a joy! I adore the big boys those same boys are growing up to be. My kids kill me. Sometimes they KILL ME!!!! But for Christ. Thankful His grace is sufficient for my many many weaknesses and short comings as a parent.


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Friday, December 23, 2016

Parenthood Is Hard

1. Sometimes I think having a spy elf and the threat of Santa putting kids on the naughty list would be awesome. Like really really awesome. Like get chores done without much complaining or I'll threaten to tell Santa awesome. Oh the joys conditional present giving would bring! 

Thankfully Jesus does not operate like Santa Claus and even better does not parent like I do. It's a lot easier being hacked at my kids than having to flip the tables around and see just how damn selfish I AM. Grueling sanctification. I'm horrible at dying to self day in and day out and most days I choose not to do it. 

2. My lack of awesome parental performance tried to lead me down the "I'm stinking it up at life and ruining Advent" road. But a louder voice yelled and reminded me that Jesus is not Santa and if love was based on performance I would have lost it a long time ago. The beauty of Advent is that even thought I desperately need a Savior I don't deserve one YET Jesus came regardless. It's not about my performance. Jesus death on the cross removed the chains of the law and the sentence I deserved. Sweet precious beautiful Advent. Oh the joys, mysteries and wonder the day Jesus was born. 

3. Oh Montana you are once again singing your siren song. This time the sound might be all the sweeter as we've stuck it out and haven't run away. I do feel like Hamilton is drawing me in the same way Portland did a lifetime ago. I do hope the story ends better than Portland but regardless Montana keeps calling my name. I wish I could explain the deep desire to go there. It makes no sense and even lacks logic but I can't shake it. 

4. Thinking of friends and family whose hearts are grieving this Advent season. Lord may you truly bring them peace on earth. 

5. Love this.

O, how I pray for a breaking forth of the Spirit of God upon me and upon you; for the Holy Spirit to break into my experience in a frightening way, to wake me up to the unimaginable reality of God.

I tasted a tiny bit of the awe and wonder last Sunday with the most beautiful song. Oh the thought of heaven and singing with The Church in worship of the Great I AM


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Thursday, December 22, 2016

Saved By The Gas

1. Tonight our traditional Christmas Lights and Waffle House tradition started off as a fiasco. I'm fine and good with people making mistakes but bummed when they don't do the right thing to make up for it. Needless to say our Christmas Light spot and Waffle House both need to be rethought. Traditions are great and so is improving them. My child who was being the biggest stinkpot about things not shaping up the way expected was also the one who turned our bummer of an adventure back into a crazy but fun BrownTown adventure. Thankful for that kid and for the laughs tonight. So so great to laugh together as a family even when plans don't turn out. Love this crazy family I get to be apart of.

2. I thought I had lots of stares at my pregnant belly when I had three kids. Holy smokes the stares and looks now are a bit intense. Children are very much devalued in this country. Not surprising at all but it's so sad. Oh how the pill and birth control have turned hearts. It's probably an unexpected consequence and probably more of us harbor results of the unexpected heart change than we can even imagine.

3. Mulling over church and realizing being anonymous actually is quite lovely. As my heart has turned it's attention back to Hamilton, MT the thought of actually having no more excuses not to dive in fully with a church community I'm left feeling a tad bit fearful. Thanks but no thanks. I'm not sure this heart of mine can take anymore church wounding. It's been a lifetime of wounds and seeing hypocrisy. A friend commented recently that it's a testament to the Lord that I don't have a problem with Jesus when my experiences with church have been so rough. Oh the Lord and I have struggled greatly. Or rather I have wrestled much with the Lord. I'm thankful for the wrestling. God has been so gracious with me on this journey together and it's been beautiful to fully grasp that He is 100 percent on the journey with me. He will never leave me nor forsake me. So on this journey, if Hamilton is where He leads us and His desire is for us to lay down roots at Roots Community I know He will be there too.

4. I am still fascinated by the idea of churches tending towards an oligarchy as they approach 500 members. The more members the stronger the oligarchy. At least, that is the theory. I feel it holds some weight at least in my recent situation. Really there has to be systems when there is no real way to know all your people.

Besides bigger churches tending to form into oligarchies I think possibly the machine becomes more important than the individual. I definitely saw that played out in the situation with my family but even in other people's situation and in the desire to be mentored and yet there being a vacuum of people willing or able to do so. In the Parable of the Good Shepherd Jesus left the 99 to seek out the 1. I think most often church leaders view the 99 as much more important than the one. I think that is total human nature. There are only so many hours in the day and do we sacrifice the well being of the 99 for just the 1? God did but He also sacrificed the One for all. More and more I'm beginning to realize just how clouded and worldly my thinking truly is. Although in someways I do possess a biblical world view I embrace a secular view on life much more wholeheartedly. It's almost insidious too because if I hit the big overarching benchmarks then I can feel good about how I view the world. But that's just the starting point though. There is so much more than I could ever possibly imagine. I'm just a dumb kid and if I think I know enough to do things without my Father I'm a foolish and dumb kid.

5. I love books. Just thought I would throw that out there.


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Wednesday, December 21, 2016


1. You know grief has a way of sucker punching you sometimes. It becomes less painful over time but it can still cause a zinger. Putting Baby Costa Rica's ornament up was one of those times but with much more sweetness to it. A How To Keep Your Child Safe From Sexual Abuse post on the FB delivered a gut punch. I could have checked off all those things. I've tried to be diligent about protecting our kids and yet sometimes that just isn't enough. There is no sweetness to this grief it feels mostly like a wave of nausea.

Every time the weather turns cold I half expect to see my kiddo's hands and feet to start peeling like crazy. Maybe everything was just a figment of my imagination. But no it was my child who drew pictures of tornadoes and a man with black eyes and whose hands and feet was evidence of the stress and anxiety no boy his age should have felt. I want to be consumed with rage but will choose to hand over justice to the Lord. It's oh so hard. But carrying around bitterness and rage is harder. I will choose to trust that the Lord will bring beauty from ashes to my child.

2. Yeah that's kind of enough for tonight. I feel this awful city closing in on me again. I know the grief sucker punches will not ever completely end but it would be great to move somewhere where a certain place is unknown. Double triple wonderful bonus for mountains and seasons and snow. I want SNOW!!!!

3. Perfectly timed.
The reason the Son of God appeared was to destroy the works of the devil. (1 John 3:8)

4. He is oh so good and such a mighty Prince of Peace and Comforter of my soul. Your rod and your staff comfort me.


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Tuesday, December 20, 2016

Ginger Bread Houses

1. I was thinking about the couple things in our days as of late that have added an extra layer of "chaos". Then it occurred to me that really it doesn't take much to add to the daily commotion of our household. There's lots of plates spinning simply to keep this beast running and I don't run a smooth sailing ship. I wish I did but I'm okay that I don't and daily life is an adventure.

2. Watching a fascinating show about things not seen by the eye. There is so much I cannot see or understand or know. How great is our God? Seriously in awe that my finite knowledge is so incredibly limited and yet the Lord knows all. Seriously in awe.

3. Thankful for graham cracker houses tonight. So fun to see how creative my kids are and how much they grow and change over the years. My babies are growing up. Crazy how fast it happens. Oh what wonderful people they are becoming.

4. Need to stop looking at pictures of my kids on my phone. Love them so. Oh how they refine the heck out of me and daily it's a slow painful death but oh how amazing each of them are!! I never would have chosen this life for myself but I'm incredibly handful the Lord chose it for me. I just had no idea.

5. Goodness Piper! Enjoying a simple read and devo. If we need not fear death then why should we fear anything at all? #FREEDOM


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Monday, December 19, 2016

Hurray For Heat

1. It was warmer here than in Hamilton this morning and our heater went out overnight. Thankful it was fixed and we are warm and for Montana training. I can't even express how much I need to live where it snows and there is a legit fall and spring and where Dallergies aren't brutal 3/4ths of the year.

2. Christmas card done second year in a row. I heart InkCards, not being a perfectionist and not needing stamps. I feel like I could conquer the dang world now. It won't get anywhere in time but that is besides the point.

3. Not enough sleep or order today but books read and listened to and outside play and creativity so that's a win. I can't seem to pull off any Christmas baking, crafts, houses, salt dough ornaments or anything else but hey I got a Christmas Card done that won't get to people on time and I still feel like a freaking boss!!

4. My "mini mom" made me babysit all the "kids" tonight and I couldn't go out on a date with my boyfriend Franklin. SO UPSETTING!!! Thankful for playing and pretending and snuggling and messing with seven amazing kids.

5. Whew! Piper! The greatest threat we face is to distrust God. Dang that's so good. Totally misquoting but with Christ we can turn every dagger into a scepter. Oh the toils the Lord has lovingly walked me through this lifetime so that I might learn to trust in His goodness more and more. He is good all the time even when I don't understand.


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Dump the Grump

Woke up grumpy. Wanted to stay in my bed instead of trying to figure out how to dress my minions and fit my rapidly expanding midsection into something warm. In my post pregnancy purging with Noah I got rid of winter maternity clothes and most everything else. Genius. Thankful my hubs led the charge and we managed to dress most kids although the three year old got out the door without a jacket. Not a big deal most Sunday mornings in December in Texas but it actually felt like winter today. It was glorious. It even had that snow smell this morning.

I've never been to a lessons and carols service before but supposedly it's a thing. My grumpiness began to dissipate as I listen to the organ and the choir. These things are missed in today's contemporary services but the chorus of voices was pretty beautiful. I imagine it's what the sound of many voices with one heart singing to the Lord will sound like in heaven. Then I heard the most beautiful song. It might have been the most beautiful song I've ever heard before in my life. If not, one of the top three for sure. It sounded like heaven and was so beautiful I got tears in my eyes. Had I not been next to my MIL I believe I would have full on wept over the sheer beauty of it. Can't fully explain it but I'm still taken aback by the beauty of it even now. Maybe it was just the tiniest taste of what it will be like before the Lord. I think the Lord will be so beautiful, lovely, amazing, awesome, majestic, ect that all I will be able to do is fall on my face and weep.

Thankful for instant community at church. It's been really nice. I do miss the liturgy which was beautiful at NSP and I loved it being smaller and a bit more gritty. I know gritty isn't the right word but it's the only one that comes to mind. I am still kinda scratching my head about a small world and a small little church in Hamilton, MT. Still feels like we are passing time a bit until the next thing. There is much beauty in the waiting. It's the season for relishing in the long expected, the Messiah. 

Doh! Got side tracked by stupid Christmas presents. Still have the big girl to figure out but finished the tradition family games and puzzle. 

I love love love this from Piper today.

And he would powerfully move into our lives and write his will on our hearts so that we are not constrained from outside but are willing from inside to love him and trust him and follow him.

Seriously how much does He love us? He bore our sins and then doesn't leave us hanging out to dry. He transforms us so that we can do His will. We are helpless on our own. Lord let me not boast in anything, IN ANYTHING, except you. 


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Saturday, December 17, 2016

Worms & Parasites

1. Convinced my offspring must have worms or a parasite that is causing them to never sleep. Couldn't possibly be caused by genetics passed down by me.

2. That's all I got. Thankful for a day where kids did very crafty things like painting, working with wood crafts, sewing, etc. Charlotte Mason would have smiled upon our house at least until 4pm when everyone needed to clean their own mess and do their chores. That's when I should have started drinking heavily.

3. Forgot to mention last night that we had prayed to find our bunny and the Lord heard our prayers. Glad that bunny is snug as a bug in her cage this evening. Going to be a cold one tonight. Nothing like a high in the 70's and a low in the 20's. I heart Texas weather.

4. Philippians 2. So good. Oh the drink offering. Not an easy thing to be or do to be poured out as a drink offering.

"But I will rejoice even if I lose my life, pouring it out like a liquid offering to God, just like your faithful service is an offering to God. And I want all of you to share that joy."
‭‭Philippians‬ ‭2:17‬ ‭NLT‬‬


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Friday, December 16, 2016


1. Thankful for a precious family who left amazing ham on our doorstep. My mouth is still hanging open. 

2. Thankful for Satan's Village. No that's not a typo. I think I have a love / hate relationship with that place. Thankful for the kid like wonder and that my oldest still enjoys going. That's a gift in itself. 

3. Thankful to reclaim a school day I thought was lost. I will finish out strong. Encouraged by another family who is also doing Ambleside this year. 

4. My sinuses are hurting like crazy. Thankful that sinus pain and allergies will be nonexistent in heaven.

5. Thankful that 99.9% of my complaints in life are truly first world problems. Heart still reeling over video from Aleppo. I wish I understood more but still hurting and confused that there is so much h in this world / part of humanity that I am so clueless about. Longing for Jesus. 

Loved Piper's Devo today. Just a snippet of the greatness.

The way up is down. The way forward is backward. The way to success is through divinely appointed setbacks. They will always look and feel like failure. 

Love that God's ways are not my own. Love that although many were looking for a mighty warrior king Jesus was born a lowly babe in a manger. 

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Bunny Blues

So Coco the Crazy discovered the bunnies and jumped on top of their cage tonight. I should have checked to see if anything happened to the cage but such things never crossed my mind. Well we have a Bunny missing. Sad day. We tried to catch her tonight but no dice. Hopefully she will stay snug as a bug under a wood pile tonight and my oldest the bunny whisperer will woe her back in her cage tomorrow. If not, there may be nashing of teeth tomorrow. Good but hard lessons.

So I think I forgot that I don't like dogs when I'm pregnant. I like Coco the Crazy well enough and I think she will be a lovely fit for our family. But I'll be honest I really don't care because I'm holding out for my old lady dog someday. The kids and hubs can pick whatever dog(s) they want because one day I'm going to stroll in and throw down my old lady gets to pick her dog card and my Frenchie is going to be kick ass. I might even buy it diapers if I don't have any baby grandchildren because surely my old lady Crazy will have kicked in long ago. Let's be honest, it's already kicked in.

Thankful for an evening full of laughs. I love the body of Christ. So many different personalities represented tonight and I'm just in awe over how much He loves us piles of pumpkins and all. We can try to shove our rotting pumpkins in a closet and He so lovingly cleans them out in His perfect time. Truly amazed by how He cares.

Man in the High Castle Season 2 is out today. I may never sleep again.

Piper / High Castle / Bed / Full Heart


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Wednesday, December 14, 2016


1. It's a small world people. A very small world. I found this small church in a lovely city named Hamilton months ago and the pastor and his wife are staying with a dear friend's in-laws. Crazy.

2. It's snowing in Portland and all over and I'm green with envy. 

3. Well dog gone there's a dog at our house. For now she shall be known as Coco the Crazy. If I wake up in the morning and there are two kittens on my porch I may freak out. It's bad enough I'm pregnant with three rabbits. 

4. Saw the sweetest little pumpkin boy tonight. Oh the beauty oh new life. 

5. Saw a horrifying video of a baby born who almost wasn't due to the craziness happening in Aleppo. So incredibly sad. How disconnected my heart can be to the suffering of so many around the world. 

6. Loved this from Piper tonight:
He does not lay his Christmas gift of salvation and transformation down for you to pick up in your own strength. He picks it up and puts in your heart and in your mind, and seals to you that you are a child of God.

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Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer

1. I think my brain might be a little fried from my kids playing the Grandma Got Run Over song over and over this evening. It was fun seeing them laugh and dance till about the fourth time.

2. Sad over the loss of sweet babies. Must be middle age but it feels like loosing babies is all around. I laugh at being AMA but with being an "older" Momma comes the reality that things do go wrong more often and that every little life I have had the privilege of holding in my womb is an honor and a privilege. What a sacred and hallowed place. My time to hold children in this sacred place is rapidly dwindling. The season to hold life is short indeed. Weeping with those who weep and praising God that one day death will be no more and we will meet these precious ones that indeed mattered.

3. I could do backflips over a complete day of school and chores done before dinner and a dinner not served by seven. Victorious!!

4. Piper Devo. So hard to wrap my head around how things on earth are merely shadows. Thankful for Jesus. Thankful for this imperfect Advent season.


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Monday, December 12, 2016

Following When It Doesn't Make Sense

I think I might be enjoying the story of Ishtar more than my kids. Although I caught one sneaking to read ahead the other day. Thankful for the beautiful reminder to follow the journey the Lord places before me regardless of doubt from others and even when the path seems absolutely crazy and treacherous.

Thinking through lots that needs to be hammered out or rather should be hammered out by January 1st. This includes already preparing for an official ADD diagnosis. Already chatted Meds again for a bit and okay with using them if there's a significant working memory issue which I think there is. However, want to at least give diet and supplements a run for the money first. So.... in January my family is going to be SO excited to go dairy, gluten and sugar free. Basically paleo. I'm okay with natural sugar like real maple syrup to make treats but table sugar is so horrible for you. It's awful and yet I'd eat it by the spoonful daily. Thankfully I don't have much of a sweet tooth with this babe so hopefully detoxing won't be brutal for me. My kids will probably be crazy. Going to roll out the supplements now since their little guts are probably all thrashed from antibiotics anyway. They are going to love cod liver oil!!! I've actually read where there is a link between magnesium deficiency and ADHD too. That would also help explain their never sleep issues. It's pretty ridiculous. I would love to see some gains through diet and supplements and think it's worth at least giving it a shot considering so much positive research showing that it can help.

Speaking of ADD very squirrel tonight so going to shut er down for the night.

Tonight thankful for baby kicks, Mudgey smooches, redemption, and for Vitacost.


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So None Can Boast

1. Started the day off with this gem of a passage thanks to Ishtar.

"God saved you by his grace when you believed. And you can't take credit for this; it is a gift from God. Salvation is not a reward for the good things we have done, so none of us can boast about it."
‭‭Ephesians‬ ‭2:8-9‬ ‭NLT‬‬

Great discussion afterwards about discussing how God views our hearts and that the condition of our heart is much more important than following the law. Sweet to think of Rahab a mere prostitute and yet one of the greats. Saved by grace so that no of us can boast of our "good deeds" or our righteousness. God levels the playing field and the poor man becomes rich, the lowly man becomes the guest of honor. His ways are so not like mine. He sees our hearts, He knows our story and while we were still in the depths of our rebellion He died for us. When I think on this I am blown away every single time.

2. Another choir performance knocked out by my crew. This is the second day in a row I've felt a sting of pain as I heard my oldest boy sing. His voice sounded so angelic to me today and I'm saddened that I've often written him off as not the creative type. He doesn't share the same love of singing that his sister has but I'm saddened that I haven't encouraged him more in the past.

3. Date Night. Thankful for a sweet friend who loves on my babies and time with my beloved without all the kid shenanigans.

4. Thankful for rest this morning. Much needed and yet I felt as if I could have slept all day. My head felt like a million pounds this morning. Easy to dream of fleeing north Texas especially after looking at an allergen map and seeing that the rest of the country is pretty allergen free right now but Texas is the scourge of the US.

5. All of Ephesians 2 is amazing.


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Saturday, December 10, 2016

Remember The Time...

1. Remember the time my detail oriented and incredibly directionally challenged self goofed big time and went to the wrong place for my own kids bday party and was over thirty minutes late. Yeah, that was incredible. Thankfully it worked out. Although I do enjoy some ease of off sighting a bday party today I really missed the wonders of a home party.

2. Choir concert tonight for the bigs. The two smaller bigs were singing their little hearts out and the two biggest with a "solo" did really well too.

3. Dropped my biggest off at a party today and there was not a hint of anxiety. Sometimes things change ever so slightly that it's hard to realized things have changed and pretty dramatically. Thankful that seasons are just that, seasons. I'd love it if all seasons were easy and not marred by sorrow but there is much beauty that springs forth from seasons of difficulty.

4. Why are my children still up?

Piper Devo. Loved his take on the gifts of the wiseman.


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Shiver Me Timbers?

Fun night of ugly sweaters and white elephants. Crazy to think the SC has been at it for a year now. Good, good times! Excited to have a new little peep join on Monday!

Busy day tomorrow. Really would love to stay in jammies, drink got chocolate with the kids and finally decorate our tree. I do wonder how many years we have gotten a tree and only put lights on it. I love our crazy mess!

There's a sweet little boy who finally fell asleep on my tummy. These days can still be so exhausting but I will so miss them when they are gone. So blessed.

Piper & Matthew 2.


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Friday, December 09, 2016

We All Live In A Yellow Submarine

1. I kinda feel like the little ole woman who lived in a shoe. I remember hitting the Q4 wall last year around this time too. Generally I'm pretty content about our square footage. If I could only change one thing it would be backyard space first and foremost. Then I'd want a space for kids and schooling that's outside of the main living area but overall I'm thankful and can't complain. But since we don't have extra living space to spare everything spills into our already limited space and I kinda feel like I'm in a shoe box. A chaotic, dirty, and disorganized shoebox.

2. It has been attention deficit central around here too. Today I felt too tired, too scattered, too short tempered, too ill equipped, too emotional, too everything not enough to do this job. And as the cherry on top, the three year Tornado poured pee on her brother to cap off the day. I need to escape to my pregnant troll cave. Really what I need to do is work on a schedule to help our days flow better. I never had time to do it before school started and it's kicking my buns now. Thankfully everything will be wrapping up at about the same time just in time for a new year. Deep breath!

3. Okay need to switch to some gratitude because I want to blow up my house, crawl into a hole, and feel so defeated about our scattered messy lives. How do I teach these little minions executive function when I'm the last person who should be teaching anybody about that anyway!?!?!? I can't imagine not having one of these little people but they are going to need to go to therapy simply over the amount of frozen pizza they have had to eat over the years. I have to get up tomorrow and figure out what to feed them again and I need to go to the grocery store but I don't have the energy to go much less take this fun bunch with me and even ordering it online is overwhelming and it's a first world freaking problem! First world problem!!!! Yet even that can't kick me into gear to be able to meal plan or figure out all that we need to get a grocery list together and that is depressing.

- Lord thank you for the Ishtar advent Devo. Just thinking about today's reading has me choked up again. Having to manage feeding my family and going to one of many many choices of stores is a drop in the bucket. So many families are going to bed starving tonight. So very very blessed.

- Thank you for my seven jewels. Give me energy, patience, endurance, and wisdom to raise each of them. There is no one size fits all approach to raising these kids. They are each so different with their different strengths and challenges.

-thank you Lord for quite and time to think and problem solve our beautiful mess. It would be so much easier to send these knuckleheads to freaking school. But in the quite I realize things just need to be revamped a bit. I forget at times why I choose to teach my kids. It's not to be sane that's for sure. Each one of them is indeed a treasure, a precious jewel, and each of them have their own strengths and weaknesses. I want to capitalize on that for their sake. I want to be a good steward of the amazing minds the Lord has given them. It's challenging because even the one kid who seemed the easiest is now showing his own signs of attention issues. As an added bonus they all have their own different version. But God is good and He provides what we need. Sometimes all we need is some quiet.

Piper Devo. Ah the glory of God. The coming together of nations inspired to a census and the heavens aligning in such a perfect way to fulfill prophesy, to proclaim the coming of Christ. Awe struck wonder. He is mighty in power and His plans will always come to fruition. Oh praise Him! Oh let us come to worship. Oh how Advent fills my heart with wonder. Gives me reason to pause and continue to long expectantly when one day I too will meet Jesus face to face.


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Wednesday, December 07, 2016

Paperwork Zoo

1. Celebrated my sweet fifth child today a day early. Shhh. She had a great day hanging out and playing make up with her sisters and making her new pup poop. Oh wonderful 5! It happened too fast but it's lovely.

2. So sad for a friend going through a miscarriage today. Told my kids to pray and started bawling as I did. Heaven is going to be lovely someday.

3. Loads of paperwork tonight getting ready for an appt at Scottish Rite. It's been over a year in the making and I had even thought it wasn't an option at this point. I don't think I'll find out new info but hopefully a specific diagnosis. Dyslexia or dysgraphia are my top two runners with inactive ADD. The more I fill out paperwork for this kid the more I realize I have another who is a dead ringer for ADHD. Like real deal H in the ADD. It explains A LOT! Helps me to have more compassion. The H adds a special component for sure. We sure are a crazy pile-a-zoo with our family full of ADD.

4. Oh the morning and getting up early is already making me sad.

5. Loved Piper's Devo yesterday on walking the Calvary Road. Of the sure beauty and pain it is to walk it.


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Tuesday, December 06, 2016

Up Too Late

Happy fake birthday to my Bellaballoo tomorrow. Up too late because of it.

Must sleep. Piper Devo and hopefully concentrated zzzz's.


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Sunday, December 04, 2016

Sometimes The Unexpected Yields Rest

1. Thinking today how although Saturday did not turn out how I would have wanted the illness in our house granted me a day at home and at rest. I felt pretty yuck yesterday. Thankful for the mercies hidden in the unexpected twists and turns.

2. Thankful for time this afternoon with my two oldest girls at a Ballet. I've always wanted to take them to a ballet and this one was perfect. Bonus I got to see a PATH student perform as well as well as a dear friend to my oldest. Thankful for sweet friendships for my girl and for myself. The Lord is good indeed.

3. Loved reading a friend's thoughts about the tension of the Advent season tonight. So much of this walk with Christ is filled with such beautiful tension. The pull from the flesh and from the wisdom of the world is a strong one and yet He beckons is to something greater. Something we can not achieve but rather simply accept. The Gospel tension of running the race well and yet learning to cease from striving. I've hit that perfect stride only a handful of times as during my brief seasons of running. Sometimes things are magical and I would find that perfect stride and running would seem effortless and I would feel as if I could run forever. Yeah most often running is not like that for me. I like the feeling I get afterwards but it's an uphill battle and fight the whole way. Everything within me often wants to stop and yet just one more stop sign or just one more tree. Keep going even when it's painful and you have to pour it all out like a drink offering. It's running with endurance and yet also learning to cease striving. It's messy. It's brutiful. It's gospel tension. One day all of it will be restored. Oh that day will be glorious. To think I only have the smallest amount of knowledge of the true greatness of my Lord and Savior. It's overwhelming to think about my prize and my treasure someday of Himself.

4. Piper Devo so simple and so great. The Lord's deliverance is not always as we anticipate. He takes worldly wisdom and He completely flips it upside down in its head. A baby born to poor parents. A child scoffed at as being illegitimate. No kingly arrival or estate. No upheaval of Rome and yet deliverance for all people. Deliverance in unexpected ways. How good is God?


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Saturday, December 03, 2016

Brush A Brush A Brusha

1. Pretty sure I spent almost an hour and a half brushing out the crazy lions mane of my daughter's hair. Here's hoping to never having to do that again. I love brushing my girls hair but that was intense.

2. I'm in trouble. Only half way baked and I feel like an uncomfortable stuffed turkey already. Baby Frying Pan is killing me softly. I'm so calling girl.

3. Kids woke up fevery and yucky but once that second dose of drugs kicked in like clockwork they started feeling better. Thankful even though it meant three boys running amuck.

4. Mudgey just woke up that means no sleep till Brooklyn and I could have crawled in bed six hours ago and been happy as a clam.

5. Piper Devo. Dwelling on what it means to truly know the lowliness of ones estate. Oh I wish humility wasn't so difficult.

6. Dearest Lovely Beloved Children GO TO BED!!!!


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Friday, December 02, 2016

No Wonder!

There's been enough moments this week when I could just not think or decide what to do about X, Y or Z. I've also been extra grumpy and short with my kiddos. Finally hit me why. I've been rocking an obnoxious permaheadache all week long. It's not insanely painful it's just like this obnoxious dull roar that makes it hard to focus or to think. I wish it would go away!!!

Another trip to the doctor today and three more Brownies out with strep. Just went ahead and put the two little girls on Meds too and have prescriptions waiting for Mudgey and I.

So I lied my head has kicked it up a notch or two. Hurray for fronts rolling in and big headed babies bashing their heads into mine.

Mark 3


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Thursday, December 01, 2016

Oh Ye Of Little Faith

1. The biggest boy does indeed have strep. It was a fun adventure at the doctor for over three hours with all of my Brownies BUT when I wanted to be a complainey pants I had to stop and give thanks to how blessed we truly are. We have access to great medical care and Meds to help make us well. I take that for granted every time I reach into the medicine cabinet to take a fistful of pills. Blessed indeed.

2. Got home and the pounding of roofers was kinda awesome. Yet, thanks be to God for a new roof and for a roof over our heads to begin with. Truly perspective is everything.

3. Found out how much time a friend has left who was recently diagnosed with a horrible brain tumor. Weepy and can't help but put myself in her shoes. As a believer there is hope even in the most tragic of circumstances but today I wonder if I am a woman of little faith. I know mighty things can be accomplished and endured through the help of the Holy Spirit. I know there's hope in the sorrow but sometimes the sorrow and the grief are incredibly hard to stomach.

4. In much lack of patience. Really weird to really enjoy my offspring and yet in the same breath lack a gentle answer and response to them. This cold really is beating me down and tonight joint pain and body aches are a poop. Wish more of my flesh was dead but thankful for grace and accepting the fact I am human.

Piper's Advent Devo tonight. Simple yet good. Thinking through memorizing a passage during advent. Not sure what. I've been so successful at memorizing scripture over the years.

Off to read the rest of Luke 1. So tired. Kids could still run circles around me. Most at least in bed even if they are still being obnoxiously loud.


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