Saturday, January 14, 2017

We Have The Funk

Well sometimes things just don't pan out the way you hope for them to. Stomach funk has put a damper on things. Not the ten year old trip I had envisioned but at least we are making full use of our hotel room. Understanding my girl's struggle with anxiety a bit more. I HATE that she has to and will have to struggle with anxiety. Thankfully after tears from both of us tonight I'm starting to understand when I should push and when I should just sit in it with her. I can't hate the anxiety so much that I try to change my girl.

I am once again stuck scratching my head. Verses such as do not be anxious about anything go through my head but quoting those don't touch true anxiety. I do wonder what the actual translation of anxious was in Greek or Hebrew. For someone like me I can pray and ask God and remember His promises and find solace. The stress, fear or anxiety may dissipate enough to push through and move forward. BUT for others who intimately know the struggle with anxiety it goes much deeper. It's not that scripture and the Lord is not powerful enough to overcome it's just that for whatever reason it's the struggle that is an Achilles Heel. I'm thankful to God for friends who have battled with anxiety and being able to hear their heart and their ongoing struggle. They trust in the Lord and yet like Paul's thorn in his side the Lord has chosen not to remove the anxiety. Verses thrown at them in their youth only compounded the issues and made them question why God wouldn't just take it away or made them wonder if they lacked faith. Lots to think on. In all of it grace, grace, grace. Thankful for beautiful wonderful grace.

Thankful for grace even as I loathe my humanity as a parent. I want to parent like my Father but I'm so incredibly horribly far from it. Hate how I fail at it and that I have to fail in order to have eyes that see. Grace even in the failure. He's written their stories already and mapped out their days despite my failures and my successes as a parent. Thankful to be on this joyous and painful journey and so thankful for my hubs who is in the trenches with me. I am so incredibly rich.


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