1. Sweet friends now have more insight into my crazy mind. A simple question has been ruined forever by the Spin Doctors. Now that I've thought about the Spin Doctors Two Princesses will softly or not so softly resound into my head till morning.
2. I feel I have much to unload or unpack or something. Maybe I've never liked being shoved into a box but I've always loved knowing who my people are. Maybe the past couple years have been slightly tumultuous simply because I don't know who my people are anymore or rather where I fit in. To add to the confusion I know the heart can be deceitful. Pride, hurt, bitterness, selfishness, the world etc can all impact ones views.
3. So didn't want to go to church today. I'm always glad when I've gone but think it will be a long while before I'm truly excited about it again. I pushed through knowing that I'm never going to figure this thing out if I'm not wrestling it out with Jesus by my side.
Today the sermon was on radical hospitality. The way the Rector draws stuff out of scripture amazes me. He reminds me of Piper in some ways. Anyway, even his tying hospitality to forgiveness has me scratching my head and wanting to go back and read scripture regarding hospitality. It sure does make a shift in my thinking on all that hospitality includes.
Then the heavens broke way and while he was talking about forgiveness that comes with a great cost and restoration of relationship he has a big BUT. He brings out the four A's that change things a bit and urges people to tread lightly and seek out a pastor for guidance and additional wisdom. The four A's were Abuse, Addiction, Adultery and Abandonment. The fact that the man had a softness and wisdom enough to put a little caveat in a sermon like that speaks volumes or at least it spoke volumes to me. Every Sunday pastors preach and are preaching to a crowd where one fourth of the congregation has been sexually abused. That's just statistics on sexual abuse alone and doesn't even cover the full gamut of abuse. A sensitivity to those crushed by abuse, addiction, adultery and abandonment was so so good for my heart.
4. Off to read. As I watched the rector recite the passage of scripture he was preaching on I had again a great view of seeing him not read it but recite it. It's what he does every week. It's not just a few verses here and there it's full chapters of text. He doesn't recite it in a choppy manner either it's as if he's giving a speak. I saw one other person do this in first hand. She recited the entire book of Philippians. It was without pauses or breaks to try to remember but was spoken with much authority and confidence. I don't know if memorizing long passages of scripture and reciting them in that manner will ever be my thing. However, if I want to know God's heart, truly know God's heart I've gotta breath His Word and when I read remember why I'm reading. I'm not trying to get check marks in heaven. When I started this email 7ish years ago it was out of a mission and a desire to truly know this Christ that I said I wanted to follow. Not a single day has returned void. I've been struggling with the Daily Walk already but I think the appropriate fire has been set to see it through. I do love reading through the Bible. It gives beautiful perspective on the whole thing.
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