I don't have words tonight. I feel the Lord has me in this continual state of stripping down. I'm so thankful that He is faithful to continue the work He started in me because my soul needs to be stripped down to the bare bones. The dross needs to continue to be burned away.
There's so many thoughts that are gathered up in my head right now. At this point I again have no clue on how to get them all out. Numbers is somehow perfectly planned for such a time as this though. I've read the plight of the Israelites before and often I'd wonder why they couldn't just get it. More recently I've read through it and seen myself in the grumbling of the Israelites. Come on! I'm the gal with the idol of comfort and ease! I would have been begging to go back to Egypt too. This time around it's a different experience. The chaos that erupts in Numbers is enlightening. I have struggled with much pride while reading scripture wondering why there are so many knuckleheads. I've wondered how David could possibly be called a man after God's own heart in light of all his obvious sin. It's so much easier to point out the sin in others than to sit face to face with my own sin and arrogance. In Numbers the leaders of each tribe or called upon to scout out the land. The twelve leaders in Israel. Only two come back trusting in what the Lord has promised. This group of guys were the cream of the crop. The Bible doesn't only expose my sin but reveals how sinful humanity truly is. This group of people were God's chosen ones. The people living in the Promise Land were the truly atrocious ones living completely in darkness apart from the Lord. I want to be exempt from the sin of the Israelites but it's not just the grumbling and complaining that resides in my heart, it's all of the sin, every last bit of it. That's incredibly sobering. The Bible is a love story and it's a case story of humanity. It's where we end up apart from God and it gives proof that even when redeemed by His precious blood we are still just a bunch of mess ups in desperate need of His loving kindness.
Father Abraham had many sons. And many sons had Father Abraham. And I am one of them...
"But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us."
Romans 5:8 NIV
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