Thankful to have some hours of quiet. I completely shut down this afternoon and decided I was going to bed and I wasn't getting up until tomorrow. I was drifting off but then a kid kept banging on my door for various obnoxious reasons and I haven't been able to fall back asleep although I've tried. Just laying down and the silence has been quite lovely. Thankful to my hubs who got kids out of the house.
I'm feeling crazy today which I know is a solid mix of hormones, lack of sleep and my body fighting off funk along with this horrible pollen. I'm pretty sure I've been pretty hard on my adrenals lately too and I'm paying the piper by feeling wired and anxious. Psalm 23 is running through my head. He leads me to still waters and makes me rest in fields of green. He restores my soul. I've run to other things to "rest" and I'm suffering the fall out and those around me that I love are feeling the fall out of my choices as well.
But the Lord is good, He is full of loving kindness and compassion. He can take my ADD mind that simply can't take anymore information or figure out x, y and z and restore it. I want to crawl under my covers for days simply because it feels like my mind can't think anymore. I can't answer the rapid fire of constant questions from six sweet little people and I certainly can't figure out what to feed them or how to tackle even bigger things. It feels so lame but it is what it is. Yet I know the one who can quite my mind, my heart and my soul. I'm thankful for quite and for a labor mix that I got started on yesterday. Music that was thoughtfully picked out for Noah's birth was so welcomed. I even got to experience the beauty of God's perfect timing and playfulness while about to push. Can't explain just how loved I felt in that moment as the pain intensified to a peak and I felt Noah engage. I'd never had that experience till then and I figure it's simply from not fighting. Hoping to get this crew pumped full of antibiotics tomorrow and a few more things knocked off that to do list so I can finally just lean in and stop trying to stop what lies ahead and just lean in.
And just like that it's 12 again. Inconceivable!
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