Today was so beautiful in so many ways. I wish my eyes weren't so droopy so I could unpack it all. Thankful for a sweet time with women this morning and for sweet tears and for lots of proclaiming Jesus. My heart is so very very full and I feel very loved.
So this morning figured out why I've been to do list obsessed and resistant towards labor. I had a dream that I delivered my sweet baby and it was so so tiny and although the baby didn't die in my dream that was what was going to happen. I think because I never had a sonogram the fear that I might give birth to this sweet babe only to say goodbye has been a fear I didn't realize I had. I had no idea how reassuring getting to see my babe in the womb was to me. I also think that after giving birth seven times without a hitch there is a part of me waiting for the bottom to fall out. In life the bottom falls out. Yet in the midst of the fallen out bottom I know the Lord is within the storm. I know this so it's just wrapping my heart around this yet again.
Up in the middle of the night with contractions. Can't express how grateful I am to have a midwife who loves Jesus. I trust her counsel and that her heart is soft to the Lord's leadings and prompting. When she said try to rest I was indeed able to sleep and rest. Praying I can rest in Him and give the details of labor to the Lord. He holds all the details in His hands and I can trust Him.
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