Friday, June 30, 2017

So Long, Farewell Auf Wiedersehen, Adieu

1. Signing off for a month, I think. Really want to put pen to paper but I'm not sure how realistic that's going to be on a daily basis. We shall see.

2. More strep. Whoop! Is it strep? Is it mono? Is it the RPL allergy? Who knows. No fevers as of yet. I think my boy might have one but ibuprofen is probably keeping it at bay. For now, we are under the 100.4 mark. I tried to get him to take raw garlic and that was a mistake. This is the kid that changed my mind about making my kids take at least a bite of everything or as many bites as their age. He simply can't do it without unpleasantries that back fire onto the table. Overall I think his body is fighting it better than the last round. Here's the interesting part. Before his throat ever hurt his neck and back got sore as if he slept funny. If I'm remembering correctly that happened last time too. So weird.

3. Learning more and more that compassion works so much better than anything else with my kiddos. They are all challenging in their own ways but for all of them really listening and have empathy even in their over the top emotions works the best. Truly how do I feel when people invalidate my own feelings, thoughts or struggles? Doy! Duh! Der! I have children not miniature sized adults.

4. Choice is the other thing that I often miss out on giving my kids. It's not free reign to do whatever you want but it comes with choice. Most of us want options. Do you want me to go with you to apologize to your teacher for being rude or do you want me to drive home and you can come back with your dad and do it? It's a lovely beautiful thing.

5. The Princess slayed that bastard anxiety dragon tonight. I thank God for all the wins big and small that we get.

6."I do not nullify the grace of God, for if righteousness were through the law, then Christ died for no purpose."
‭‭Galatians‬ ‭2:21‬ ‭ESV‬‬

D

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Thursday, June 29, 2017

Home Again. Home Again. Jig Jiggity Jig!

1. My Best Beloved is home again! I would do a jig jiggity jig if I wasn't so cotton pickin tired.

2. Two of mine complaining of sore throats again. No fevers so that's good, I guess. Nobody seems crazy ill but the Bitty Kitty struggled hard today. Poor sweet little thing is so exhausted.

3. Parenting is hard. Super de duper hard. It's the best kinda hard there is and worth it but hard none the less.

4. Then you get parenting moments when your kids perform for the family, which is always a favorite of mine, and it's so hysterical that it makes the hard moments of the day worth it.

5. Gotta get off the gluten and dairy again. It feels lame but it's really hard bc it requires more planning. BUT need to do that anyway. I got this! Not really but we got this for all of us!

6. Ditching the internets soon. That includes this for a month. Your inboxes are already breathing a sigh of relief. Looking forward to trying to figure some things out next month. Hurray to VBS and other such wonderful things.

7. Going to spend my time soaking in the Pauline Letters and praying through the psalms. I've never been a meditator so would like to start slowing down the squirrel rave enough to try to slow things down. Want to start my day with the Common Book of prayer as well. I've been a prideful twit and written off liturgy as dry and stuffy and old school. It's so rich though. The more I learn about it the more I love the beauty of a purpose for everything and everything for the purpose of pointing to the cross.

8. Thankful for the Body of Christ. We are one interesting group of total and complete ragamuffins who He loves more than we could imagine.

D

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Wednesday, June 28, 2017

Hot Little Bodies

1. I love these hot sweaty little bodies pressed against me. Well, kinda. I'm thankful for the body but I wish it was more like snuggling up to a cold pack in the summer. Hormones still crazy out of control and I can never get cool. If I worked in a restaurant I might get busted hanging out in the walk-in cooler.

2. My Best Beloved comes home tomorrow. I might be a little bit excited. Love that man!

3. My biggest boy. That kid really steps up when his dad is out of town. I've seen it happen enough now to see that it's not just a good week that coincides with his dad being gone. This kid really rises to the occasion. One day I'm going to weep buckets over the incredible man he ends up growing up to be.

4. Started giving two of mine half the dose of the b vitamin I take. Will be interesting if any changes take place.

5. My bigs. Realized this girl needs much more snuggling than I have to give in the evening. I like a man but instead of being out of words Come the evening I'm all out of snuggles. Easy fix is to snuggle in the morning. I'm not a morning person and I never have been but come on I can snuggle something fierce in the morning right?

6. Oh so tired. Oh so thankful.

D
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Tuesday, June 27, 2017

Pin And Swim

1. Fell asleep and woken by a kid having a night terror which woke up several others. Angry at the sky over it. I know I need sleep and yet this week I feel like some asshole is trying to Punk me by waking me up every time I drift off to sleep. Every night it's been something and I've hit the ANGRY stage of sleep deprivation. Angry with fire and lava and flashing laser death beams. It would feel so good to throw an all out adult temper tantrum. If this sleep deprivation is going to continue I'd rather hit the loopy stage already. Irrational rage is not my favorite.

2. Pin out. Water proof removable cast for three more weeks. He loves it.

Poor kiddo was so unnerved by the pin removal.

3. Invited myself over to a friend's house today. Not typically my style but this kid was so excited about swimming. Thankful for friends I can impose on who will even feed us dinner. Don't think I would have survived a trip to the local pool with two of mine exhausted themselves. One which fell asleep before 8 which is unheard of. I guess even half pint never sleeps run out of gas too.

4. Hormonal today. Lack of sleep and hormones being whack is a hard combination. Feeling slightly lost today out of the blue. I don't often feel lonely but today felt heavy at times and the hollow spaces were indeed filled with loneliness. I think the hole I'm really feeling is grief. 

5. Entered a wormhole in realizing grief and I'm hoping this can bring some relief to my girl. 

The MTHFR gene is so correctly labeled. What if a simple supplement helps the two that has my heart twisted up in knots right now. I have some already or at least one I can start with that I've been using. It's been helping some of my own post baby crazy and aches and pains. 

The funny thing tonight is that I'm also grieving not having family. I've been jealous of people lately who have family that help. Dads who help with projects. Moms who watch grand kids and encourage. Tonight I feel the sweetness of the Lord wrapping me up in His arms and reminding me that He's got me. I know He's got my kids even as I stumble along painfully at times. But I forget that I'm His kid too and He's got me as well. 

6. And I'm still completely torn up about those dying of famine and genocide. I'm so stuck in my bubble. Praying for what we can do. Even the smallest of things can do something. 

D


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Monday, June 26, 2017

Clueless

Long day.
Beautiful moments.
Fun moments.
Chaotic moments.
Exhausting moments.
Thrilled to be in bed.

Grieved over incredible famine in Africa. So easy to sit in my bubble and be bother by insignificant crap while babies in other countries are dying from lack of food. Must do something.

D

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Sunday, June 25, 2017

Home?

Sweet and beautiful day. All the feels today. My bigs leaned over during church and whispered "it's starting to feel like home" to me. As I was taking bites of ice cream handed to me by my sticky handed toddler and watching groups of friends milling around chatting together I couldn't help but feel at home too. I guess we aren't visitors anymore. My hubs and I joke tongue and cheek that feeling at home means it's time to shove on to someplace else. We've hit the apex so let's not stay around to see Oz. We are all just messy sinful people trying to get this Jesus thing right.

Lunch outside with precious friends who aren't afraid of my motley crew. The weather was perfect. It was a quite dreamy afternoon. Thankful.

Bitty gave me a slight heart attack today. She decided to hide and the big kids were on a bike ride. I was trying to get Froggy Pants to bed and realized she wasn't hanging with Mudge or Boo. I called and searched for her but no Bitty. Saw the big kids and asked realized she wasn't with them. Her sweet sister Boo was wailing about her missing sister at this point. Went back in the house yelling for Bitty and I heard a scurrying in my closet and out popped a cute little Bitty Kitty. Stink pot! That little girl!

D


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Saturday, June 24, 2017

Rain Rain Come Again!

This morning and the rain was so very lovely. Slow lovely morning, magical almost. I read for a bit while the littles played, boys did Legos and Bigs sat next to me and read her own book. They constantly interrupted me while I read but I chose to not be irritated or give up but rather chose to delight in my lovely circus.

I'm reading Liturgy of the Ordinary and it's thought provoking and yet not too hard on my mushy mom brain. There's something so beautiful and deep and meaningful that I'm finding in liturgy. I went to a liturgical church growing up and being rebellious I wrote it off and refused to be confirmed. I had my reasons and some were legit but I could have gone to learn had I had a soft heart rather than a rebellious one. I love how everything weaves together to point to the cross. There's an intentionality that I think I may have been missing my entire life.

I'm slightly haunted by this book. In it the author sites a study done that showed that people would rather illicit a painful shock to themselves than sit alone quietly. Constant information, entertainment, news, stimulus, connection, etc. No wonder why I flounder around aimlessly at times. There's a constant pull to be right in the middle of the hub-bub. I think it also explains why I'm desperately yearning for a simple and quite kind of life. Our days are marked by the rhythms and the mundane of daily life. Why not do those well as if doing those for the Lord rather than rushing busyness that ends in nothing but chasing of the wind. I don't know. I feel like I had settled in on some meaningful to me thoughts but now that the day has ended they elude me once again.

Thankful for today. For the rhythms that are starting to come together again. For a mostly orderly house even if not "clean" that will be destroyed and need to be picked up once again. For my children. They are becoming some of the funniest little people I know. They take after their Dad.

I also sit in sorrow over one. The thoughts that plague her and steal joy and peace right from under her. I read a seven year old manifesto written by her. Boldness and courage and her lovely fiery spirit. Oh how the locusts have come and feasted. I hate it. Yet what if this is the thing that causes her to cling to Christ? What if this ailment is the very thing that keeps her humble and compassionate and full of mercy for others. If anxiety is the very thing that causes her to experience a fullness in Christ in this life even if that means being hobbled do I wish it away? Could the very thing Satan tries to use as a curse end up being a gift? Oh how it pains a Momma's heart. I want to punch this sinful world in the face and yet I can breath deeply knowing that Jesus holds my precious girl in His hands and loves her more deeply than I could possibly imagine. He will lead us and guide us because He also holds us in His hands and loves us more than we could ever imagine.

"Grace to you and peace from God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ, who gave himself for our sins to deliver us from the present evil age, according to the will of our God and Father,"
‭‭Galatians‬ ‭1:3-4‬ ‭ESV‬‬

D

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Friday, June 23, 2017

Stitches and Ten Pound Pumpkins

1. Stitches removed from a lovely little girl's head. Oh that lovely fiery little girl of mine. Thankful for three strong little ladies.

2. Red faced sweaty kids running back and forth between all the houses is such a lovely thing. If I could throw in some drinking from the hose I'd swear we were living in a different era. When looking for bikes for the kids on Craigslist it was sad how many fancy bikes that were listed that had been used less than a handful of times. A bike can offer so much freedom to a kid. But I get it. I didn't have a fancy bike but I had a nice bike as a kid and it might have been ridden less than a handful of times too as I got older. I lived in what felt like the sticks growing up. Riding up and down the driveway is not very appealing as an older kid. All that to say thankful for sweaty red faced kids and their sweaty red faced friends.

3. I feel like I'm turning into a premenopausal woman. I feel like I could burst into a flaming fireball 24/7. I'd set the AC to 62 if it wouldn't cost a hundred bazillion dollars.

4. My pumpkin pie is 10lbs! He freaking better be considering how this kid constantly nurses. He is going to be a super sweet kid but he sure is high maintenance right now. Big shocker! All Brownies are pretty much high maintenance. These babies that will actually stay in exersaucers and swings and rock n plays or car seats contently are completely foreign to me. Maybe there's no such thing as an easy baby. I feel like I've seen them though.

5. Dwelling on being a living sacrifice, doing everything in love and being in the world but not of it. I'm such a soft American. I really wonder if I have any clue of what Christianity is supposed to be like. How much awe and wonder do I miss out on simply because my view of God is way too small? Thankful for some time coming up soon to get away from my lovely circus and be with Jesus.

D

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Thursday, June 22, 2017

Thankful For Phytolacca!

1. Phytolacca is my new BFF. It destroys clogged ducts like nobody's business. Last night I was near jumping on the mastitis train. My body was achy and my poor boob was in a sad state of affairs. I got two doses of Phytolacca in and ate raw garlic before I passed out and woke up feeling better. Tonight just the slightest hint of soreness left but unclogged for the most part. Thankful because nobody has time for stupid mastitis.

2. Kids in and out and everywhere all day long. They even got in an early morning fishing adventure in with their amazing Dad. Exercise and nature does my crew well. They didn't clean up as fast as I would have liked so natural consequence of calling them back in even earlier should do the trick for next time. Want them to learn the value of playing hard and working hard. Both super necessary I believe.

3. Thinking more and more about what it looks like to be more intentional with my days. Truly hard to feel intentional when I am a human paci all day long. I got dinner and bfast for tomorrow cooked and cleaned the kitchen but laundry is still exploding everywhere and sweet Cal had to cry to get stuff done. Sweet boy's tummy is just ANGRY!

4. Today I'm thankful for a wild eyed and screaming middle who so desperately needed to be held but who fought tooth and nail against it. I'm also thankful for a hysterical middle who did his best impression of Nacho LIBRE to lighten the mood. Parenting is insanely hard but it is so good and gets better with time and freaking harder.

5. Started a Devo on meditating. We'll see how that turns out. Tonight thinking on what it means to offer my body as a living sacrifice.

D

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Wednesday, June 21, 2017

Ordinary Life

1. Lots of thoughts but a very exhausted body. Kids don't understand that I'm clocked out now.

2. Feel mastitis trying to tear it's ugly ole head. Hoping I can get myself to slither out of bed to head it off at the pass with some garlic. Lots of activity makes my body angry these days.

3. Eery scene that I was completely oblivious to at a local place today. This world makes me sick. So ready for Jesus to come back. So many things seem so small compared to what might have been going on. Feel the need to do something bigger than just call the police. I want to live a simple and ordinary life but I also don't want that to mean burying my head in the ground and insulating all of us. In the world but not of the world. I have no clue how to do that.

4. Book club at church tonight. I really like people. Would love to hear how everyone of them tick, hear their story, and marvel at how the Lord weaves His bride together. Haven't read any of the book yet but I must admit I've never really thought about Jesus in his day to day prior to ministry but he did every day ordinary things for 30 years.

5. This psalm 10 is perfectly timed for me tonight. My heart aches over the evil and over those oppressed.

"O Lord, you hear the desire of the afflicted; you will strengthen their heart; you will incline your ear to do justice to the fatherless and the oppressed, so that man who is of the earth may strike terror no more."
‭‭Psalms‬ ‭10:17-18‬ ‭ESV‬‬

D

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Tuesday, June 20, 2017

Baby No Sleep

1. Sweet Little Froggy Boy Blue had a rough day and has continued on into the evening. Sweet kid can't stay asleep at least not without being attached to Mommy Paci. Love this sweet boy but MAN!

2. Date Night with my best beloved. Some times things don't pan out great in magical ways but getting to talk mostly uninterrupted with my favorite person on the planet is always pretty amazing. So thankful for that man.

3. Loved seeing lots of red faced kids today. Kids should have sweet faces flushed from the heat of the summer and riding bikes and playing all kinds of stuff. Made my heart happy.

4. Thinking about what it's like when things aren't tied up in a big beautiful bow as a Christian.

5. "And those who know your name put their trust in you, for you, O Lord, have not forsaken those who seek you."
‭‭Psalms‬ ‭9:10‬ ‭ESV‬

D

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Monday, June 19, 2017

Boo Boo Got Run Over By A Reindeer.

Boo got run over by a reindeer or rather by her brother on a bike. Glad we didn't try to super glue this one because the doc said that wasn't going to work. It looked just weird enough for us to not feel comfortable going that route. This sending pics to the doc after hours to see if it needs stitches thing has got to end. I can't believe how many different kids have had to go to the dr this past month for either trauma or complications from strep. Shesh!

My poor head wound girl woke up crying about her head. Adrenaline obviously wore off. The sister smasher was so very contrite. His anguish over her pain was very sincere. Add in another kid with all the emotions today and the breeding of the rabbits I'd say we've had a full day. Oh! We ended it by watching the new live action Beauty and the Beast. My little girl heart is very satisfied.

"When I look at your heavens, the work of your fingers, the moon and the stars, which you have set in place, what is man that you are mindful of him, and the son of man that you care for him? Yet you have made him a little lower than the heavenly beings and crowned him with glory and honor."
‭‭Psalms‬ ‭8:3-5‬ ‭ESV‬‬

On another fun note thought this week was a camp I signed up to help with at RPL. I got the dates wrong and figured that out after I had driven there with all eight kids. Life with myself is awesome!

D

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Sunday, June 18, 2017

Pig Sweat

1. Fourth trimester still going on in full force. My hormones are so whack right now. Makes me excited about menopause some day. Womanhood is awesome!

2. So tired.

3. So thankful.

4. "I will give to the Lord the thanks due to his righteousness, and I will sing praise to the name of the Lord, the Most High."
‭‭Psalms‬ ‭7:17‬ ‭ESV‬‬

D

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Saturday, June 17, 2017

Thankful It's Not Up To Me Or Else I'd Go Straight To Hell

Garage sale-ing this morning. Fun until Mom and Pop were done and the heat became oppressive. Our last stop was at a sale put on by a family of 9. The youngest a year younger than our bigs and their bigs married with first kid. Sweet sweet family. I think if we needed a place to stay for months on end they might have just let us live there. All that to say but they were a more stereotypical homeschool bunch. I had to try hard to take thoughts captive and to not think them at all. Here's the grosser part, while this precious Momma of nine (eleven) was sharing her heart I couldn't help but wonder if this is how people see us, typical socially awkward homeschool large family weirdos. I didn't think they were weirdos but I imagine enough people do. Glad I could be more concerned about vanity and judging others than truly loving others. So grateful for the grace of Christ.

-------
Supper Club tonight. Food was amazing! The male company was perfect for celebrating my hubs. Made me smile.

Oh how gracious the Lord has been to me.

"Be gracious to me, O Lord, for I am languishing; heal me, O Lord, for my bones are troubled."
‭‭Psalms‬ ‭6:2‬ ‭

D

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Friday, June 16, 2017

There Goes My Brain

1. Being the human paci doesn't leave me much to work with as far as having a brain that works. Multitasking the thinking thing along with always nursing is impossible for me.

2. Thankful for my hubs. So very blessed by him.

3. Texas summer heat is oppressive.

4. Thankful for my family and for Tex Mex.

5. So thankful for the abundance of His steadfast love.
"But I, through the abundance of your steadfast love, will enter your house. I will bow down toward your holy temple in the fear of you."
‭‭Psalms‬ ‭5:7‬ ‭ESV‬‬

D

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Thursday, June 15, 2017

Perspective

1. Lots of opportunity for perspective tonight. Loss of a child for a family. Can't even imagine. It's so hard to understand. Yet all the days of our lives were already mapped out before the beginning of the world. Lord let me not waste this time with the precious people you have blessed me with.

2. Watched The Impossible with my hubs tonight. More perspective. I have no real clue what true suffering is.

3. Thankful for my soup Fairy that dropped off soup that my kids ate like crazy last night.

4. Thankful for a rock n play Fairy as well. There has yet to be a piece of baby gear other than the Ergo that I've really needed or rather that has worked. Brown babies love to be held.

5. Really dislike my dysfunction this weekend. I've been mulling over this Bday for a long time. Did anything pan out? Nope. Prayed about it too. Maybe it's turned out the way it's supposed to be but I hate it. HATE IT! Special birthday of my favorite person in the whole wide world and nothing. 😭

6. Loved our time together this week. What did we do? Nothing. But we were together and got a few things done. Good to reconnect with my favorite post baby. It's been quite the season. Not bad but still never a dull moment.

7. Grace is such an incredibly hard concept for me to fully grasp.

D

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Wednesday, June 14, 2017

Grumpy Troll Hates The Heat

1. Got out for a brief while to see a sweet family visiting from out of town. The heat wrecked us all. Headaches, fatigue, grumpiness galore. It's as if we have never lived thru a Texas summer before.

2. Sweet Froggy Bottoms has been unsettled all day. Still unsettled tonight. Keeps waking himself up by crying in his sleep. I fear it's going to be a long night. This human paci is ready to pack up her equipment for at least a handful of hours.

3. Romans 3 so simple and yet so difficult a task for the heart to fully grasp the righteousness of God through faith.

D

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Tuesday, June 13, 2017

You're My Obsession

1. We've moved stuff around in our living room a bit to cover up the huge spot of peeled paint in our living room. Kids truly destroy everything. Since we've moved around our bookshelves all I want to do now is get more bookshelves and more books to put in them. I've got issues. My book wishlist is pretty insane. One day I'll have more time to read them all.

2. Thinking about one of my bigs friends who has had similar symptoms as ours but whose daughter is on day 15 of high fever due to mono/strep. My two biggest boys have been complaining of daily headaches since this beast has arrived at our house. If money was no object I'd have blood drawn for curiosity sake to see if we had mono/strep too. At this point it doesn't matter as far as treatment goes but I'm curious as a cat.

3. Been great having my hubs home this week. Fun to have a chance to reconnect and dream together. I've not enjoyed the plague this past month but God has been so gracious to us.

4. Still dwelling on Romans 2. The idea of the law being written on our hearts is fascinating and mind blowing all at the same time. I know we have to train our children to do what is right and good but I wonder if a lot more is written on their hearts than we could ever imagine. I know the fleas we carry can often be the fleas they end up carrying as well.

5. Speaking of fleas, I found one on our couch today. I know it's very possible to get a flea infestation without actually having an animal that lives inside your house. I'm not sure I can deal with a flea infestation at this point in time. Ants and fruit flies have been fun enough on their own.

D

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Monday, June 12, 2017

Confirmation?

1. Broken arm boy's wrist is looking beautiful! Homey was a bit unnerved by his pin though. Hopefully only two more weeks in a cast.

Sunday, June 11, 2017

Sacral Dimples and Scarlet Fever

1. Today when Bitty woke up from a rare nap her fever had spiked and she had a sand papery rash. If it looks like a duck and quacks like a duck it must be a duck. I'm calling scarlet fever. Thankfully scarlet fever is no longer the same beast it used to be. When I mentioned scarlet fever one of my kids eyes got wide because of the kid in the Velveteen Rabbit. Despite the new suspect rash when hopped up on Motrin she acts just fine. Not perfectly normal but nothing like Paul was. She has a strawberry tongue and her tonsils have wonderful white patches. Honestly I've never seen strep present on tonsils quite like hers but I think that makes sense considering how it's manifesting itself in a rash now as well. Ah buggar! The good news for Callen is that he is most probably protected due to the immunity he got from me. Thankful for that!

2. Plan on contacting the doc just to make sure it's not completely crazy to brave a mild case of scarlet fever sans antibiotics. Truly it's very mild. Her entire back is covered but it's not all that red at least not yet. That makes me think the homeopathic fun I've been giving her is doing its job. Hurray for that! This strep crazy is indeed obnoxious but rather duke it out than battle with reoccurring strep all summer long. Been reading up on how it's starting to become resistant to antibiotics since antibiotics are often given for it. In kids Rheumatic fever occurs in .04 kids out of 1000. But I reckon scarlet fever is rare and we've probably won that lottery. Eh.

3. Saw the other day that lip and tongue tie are not the only indicators of a MTHFR gene mutation sacral dimples are as well. I have one and the three littlest Brownies have one. I simply never thought to look at the others. Mudgey's is the most prominent just like his lip tie is. He's the first one I noticed having one. Today as I was changing Bit's diaper I noticed she has one too and Froggy Pants has one as well. 

The MTHFR thing is a rabbit hole. I think possibly it makes sense to eventually get us al tested for it one by one and find out which mutation it is and go from there. In the meantime this diet thing has to be tackled anyway. Little by little I need to ditch the processed foods and stick to Whole Foods that don't have folic acid added to them. Probably means finding a multivitamin that doesn't have folic acid in it either. Thankful that this doesn't feel overwhelming. Small incremental changes. We'll get there. I have this deep longing for a simple kind of life and it all just fits in. With a simple life there is time to do things like bake your own bread and prepare more wholesome foods. Time to get this garden thing figured out and get on some meat rabbits. 

4. So lots of pondering whether or not to get help for some of my kiddos. At times it feels like praying and no answers. I'll be honest I'm as impatient as they come. I always want to microwave it. Today it felt like God dropped the neon sign. While talking with a friend it just occurred to me to just as my kids if they want help. One answered I think so and the other was a resounding YES!!!! This just confirms my gut that if we don't do something we are going to loose this kid. I know that sounds dramatic but it's not too far off. Statistics bear it out and I can see how beaten down this precious boy is beginning to be. Unfortunately money does not grow on trees so kiddos must be triaged and one seems to be more in a state than the other. The great thing is that if we try neurofeedback and it works then that might also be a great option for the other as well and possibly for all of us. 

5. So this weekend God was schooling me a bit and hit me with a question. It was simple. "Why are you so surprised when they sin?" Why am I? I shouldn't be. I'm a sinful mess. Why would I expect children to have it more figured out than I do? Their sin is simply a reflection of the same sin I have in my own heart. I'm just better at justifying my own sin or turning a blind eye to it than theirs. 

6. I have wonderful expectations of this being a glorious week filled with dreamy family time and time with my hubs. I fear sickness may derail it. My hubs is starting to feel sick on top of exhausted. I want to pitch a raging fit. I feel like illness and other life things have derailed any opportunity for family adventures for a long time now. It's become so uncanny lately that it's starting to feel spiritual in nature and that really sucks. But knowledge is power and Jesus is Lord. Just need to be praying against any crap that is trying to steal time together laughing as a family away from us. 

7. Honestly feeling too thankful today to get stuck in the woe is me pity party. I know on a good day my emotions are very fluid but still trying to level out hormones doesn't make the topsy-turvy easy. Today overwhelmed by the graciousness of the Lord and just how blessed I truly am. 

8. "But you, O Lord, are a shield about me, my glory, and the lifter of my head. I cried aloud to the Lord, and he answered me from his holy hill. Selah"
‭‭Psalms‬ ‭3:3-4‬ ‭

D

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Saturday, June 10, 2017

Picnic For One

1. I wish I had snapped a picture of Bit's picnic for one tonight. She was adamant about having a picnic by herself on the floor for dinner. She then proceeded to lay down on the blanket her sweet big sis got her and neglect her food. Kid has more spice than yesterday but still pretty sick. But not too sick to take selfies. This girl! I'm so thankful for this girl! Hopefully my sweet firecracker will sleep well tonight. Sickness has her super restless at night.

Friday, June 09, 2017

Garlic and Crucifixes

1. Up a lot last night with a Bit with crazy dreams and Baby Blue with a horrible cough. Bitty is sick. Hard to see that sweet girl laid flat.

2. Feel bad for my lack of patience for my kiddo with anxiety. I'm just wore out from the stupid illness. Bit perspective when hearing about a teen who is dying and will probably die as a complication from anesthesia. Can't imagine. Our period of the plague and our need for garlic and crucifixes will pass. I can't imagine how horrible to loose a child. Thankful for eight healthy babies who go through periods of illness but who are not terminally ill. This season will pass.

3. Kids watched tv all day. I was too tired and couldn't help sick littles, and anxious child while others ran hog wild. Love to hear them say it was a wasted day. I know that sounds strange but glad once it was all said and done tv all day wasn't as glorious as it sounds.

4. Romans 2
So good...
"Therefore you have no excuse, O man, every one of you who judges. For in passing judgment on another you condemn yourself, because you, the judge, practice the very same things."
‭‭Romans‬ ‭2:1‬ ‭ESV‬‬

D





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Thursday, June 08, 2017

Prolific Robots

1. RPL today. My children were incredibly prolific making art today. We have an army of robots and other wonderful gadgets that they have created. Now where to put all of the creativity. I want to fan the flame of their creations and their wonder but after I've seen it all I'd really just like them to put it all in the trash. Some children were making small creations today but mine made huge ones. Ho hum.

2. My sweet little Boy Blue is starting to get smiley. He pretty much already has me wrapped around his tiny little finger. His cough still sounds horrible.

3. Too sleepy to think much. Hopefully my children are sleepy too.

4. Second night reading Romans 1 and I'm having a hard time keeping my eyes open.

D

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Wednesday, June 07, 2017

Cheers

1. Got to chat with another Momma today who has a pascal of kids who was frustrated by the crazy of it all. I know this Momma does not live there and most often tries to keep it light and humorous. You have to or else you would go crazy. Just good to know you are not alone.

2. Froggy Pants McBlue has the nasty cough that has been going around. Boo sounded especially croupy this morning and my poor little bitty baby has a yuck cough now. Hate that!

3. Woke up too early and now can't keep my eyes open.

4. Romans 1 is a bleak picture of humanity.
"And since they did not see fit to acknowledge God, God gave them up to a debased mind to do what ought not to be done."
‭‭Romans‬ ‭1:28‬ ‭ESV‬‬

Zzzzz

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Tuesday, June 06, 2017

And The Beat Goes On

1. I'm so sick of this stupid virus. Not sick enough to be in bed but probably if I could be in bed for a day I might get better?? Sick and tired of being sick and tired.

2. Our extra kiddo moved on a bit early. A couple kids lamenting and a couple kids rejoicing. Love that sweet girl and thankful for her friendship with my girl. I am slightly relieved as my plan my back-up plan for keeping kids entertained ended when my kiddo broke his wrist. With no extra space in our van we were home bound. After being home bound due to the plague I look forward to being able to knock some stuff off the to do list. That is if Devil Plague doesn't continue to kick my butt. So over it!!!

3. Thankful for vitamin D today and getting to see people who I love even if just for a bit. I am paying the piper tonight but worth it.

4. Trying hard to embrace the joys of the newborn stage with Froggy Pants but it's really hard to set him down and Bit and Mudge are quite the duo. Mudge followed me around all morning yelling no mommy! He's obviously adjusting to being knocked out of his status incredibly well. I don't want to miss all the incredible moments simply because it's really hard right now. I do think because our family is big it's harder to be willing to admit just how hard the seasons can be sometimes. The "you did this to yourself" heckler is always in the back of my mind. Maybe I did do this to myself and I'd do it again in a heartbeat. Maybe it's not a glamorous enough mission field to this world to be sacrificing for but I believe that it is. I believe it's worth the blood, the sweat and the tears and the days I want to throw my hands up in the air and quit. Lord do not let me miss the richness of everyday blessing in the midst of the difficult. The time is so short and so fleeting.

5. The inside of my lungs feel itchy. Maybe Devil Plague and Dallergies are making little spawn babies together in my lungs. I can only hope.

6. Psalm 2 is both terrifying and wonderful all at the same time.

D




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Monday, June 05, 2017

Come On! People Now Smile On Your Brother

1. I'm really over this evil wasteland of a cold/funk/morphing horrible plague. I could have slept all day long. It's kind of ridiculous at this point. Come on!! Let up will ya!!

2. Oh parenting is hard. Hard to see your kid struggle so much. I know struggle is part of life but man it tears at your heart. Trying really hard to lean into the times I've had crazy anxiety. It's generally not a struggle of mine at all but sometimes it does rear it's ugly head. Usually when it does it involves fear over my kids and screwing something up. Want to use the anxiety I just wrestled with last week to have perspective for my sweet kiddo. Anxiety is not rational so trying to reason with it does not help. It grips you by the throat and squeezes tight. The little I have wrestled with it is enough to know anxiety is nothing I want to tango with Day in and day out. Jesus help my precious girl. Give us wisdom on how to love her well. Jesus be with my friends whom I love who live with this horrible affliction.

3. Les cut this kid's hair and it has made her even more powerful. Praying this one uses her powers for good.

Sunday, June 04, 2017

There's Nothing Like It

1. Nothing quite like projectile puke first thing in the morning. Another bug? Same Devil Bug? Who knows!

2. Devil Bug still trying to take me down. It's quite obnoxious at this point.

3. Thankful for my hubs and all he does to sacrifice for our family.

4. Sweet bigs anxiety is through the roof tonight. Hate that for her!

5. Can't wait!
"And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, "Behold, the dwelling place of God is with man. He will dwell with them, and they will be his people, and God himself will be with them as their God. He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.""
‭‭Revelation‬ ‭21:3-4‬ ‭ESV‬‬

D

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Saturday, June 03, 2017

Devil's Plague

So good to have my hubs home. I love that man.

Good talk with one of my offspring today. Amazing what a handful of Skittles will do.

Think we are all still fighting Devil Plague 2017. It's unrelenting and drags on and on and on.

Thankful for the rain and although not very productive thankful for sweet moments with my babies. They are growing so fast even my little frog Boy who I have decided is now my Little Boy Blue.

I want to purge everything in my house except for the books and I would double the books in a heartbeat if they grew on trees. I just might have my eye set on A set of Jane Austen that are beautiful and lovely. I read lots to the kids for school and have enjoyed those books together but we need to get back to having a family read aloud. It's fun to go on an adventure together.

Too tired to have many thoughts. Nursing Boy Blue and thankful for church tomorrow.

D

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Friday, June 02, 2017

Bless This ADHD Mess!

I squirreled tonight while trying to get Frog Boy to bed and watched several videos on ADHD. Oh my! No wonder why BrownTown is such a hot mess. It makes me feel so normal and actually helps me have more grace and insight into my children. I think being a big family we'd be a circus enough but with all of us with our own army of squirrels it's something. Thankful Jesus has our backs. We need Him!

The one thing I am pondering again is more of a concerted effort for my one kiddo. My two bigs have their bag of ADHD tendencies and although they can really beat themselves up when they mess up they don't have the same insecurity issues. I hate insecurity. I could punch it in the face!!

I am super squirrelly right now. So many thoughts at a thousand miles an hour. Back to bullet points.

1. Took Bitty to the doctor today. She was acting totally fine this morning after running a fever and having crazy dreams all night. No strep, no giant abscess. Swollen glands though. Sooo! I don't think we had relapsed strep in this house. Im putting my money on a virus. It fits the pattern fever wise and everything else. I bet Luke picked it up while at the dr for strep. Oh irony! I will say that's it's a mean virus or at least it was really mean to my oldest boy. A good week being sick and a secondary infection to boot!

2. Right babies later and I'm recognizing just how much ANXIETY I get in the fourth trimester. Not sure if I've always been this way or if this is a AMA thing. I'm generally not an anxious person but I sure am postpartum. I think this might be a post Mudge thing. I remember before my issue after a baby was feeling emotionally flat. Not with Mudgey and Ribbit. WIRED!!! And a bit high strung. I'm sure I always have bits of those floating around but it's extra special right now. Hormones are just a peach.

3. Think this might be the summer where we let the bigs bike around the neighborhood more. There is a road they have to cross to get to our neighborhood pocket park and bike to friends that I hate how busy it is. BUT at the same time the fact that they know they really need to be careful is the very reason why they might be safest crossing that street more than any other. It's the places you are least expecting or most relaxed that you get whacked with a car. So is life and my walk with Jesus.

4. My bigs was telling me one of her crazy kid thoughts (she herself called it crazy) and it made me ponder about the Lord. I know I need to approach His throne with much more reverence than I do. Yet, I wonder if He thinks certain things are funny. I know He's playful and humorous but just made me wonder if He would laugh at things such as a silly video poking fun at church culture. You know those Christians making fun of Christians type video.

5. Pumped that my hubs is making the drive home tonight. It's like Christmas! Haven't told the kids that he's coming home either so if they were asleep it would be a surprise for them. They never sleep!

6. Thankful for no crazy injuries and for nothing seriously wrong with Bitty. Thankful for so much actually. God has rained down His manna.

7. Hoping to focus on some scripture.

D

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Thursday, June 01, 2017

Uncle

I've got nothing. Was laughing earlier about our chaos but now I could just cry. Today was filled with colicky baby, emotional bigs, broken dishwasher, clogged sink, lacerated toe and now Bitty with a fever. My hormones are totally whack too as I'm spotting. Ugh!! Incredibly anxious about my Bitty Bit and waiting for Boo to start running a fever too because her cough sounds awful. I feel so done. And I will confess that in crying out to the Lord I'd rather He just rescue me from my circumstances than trust Him through them.

D

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