Tuesday, June 27, 2017

Pin And Swim

1. Fell asleep and woken by a kid having a night terror which woke up several others. Angry at the sky over it. I know I need sleep and yet this week I feel like some asshole is trying to Punk me by waking me up every time I drift off to sleep. Every night it's been something and I've hit the ANGRY stage of sleep deprivation. Angry with fire and lava and flashing laser death beams. It would feel so good to throw an all out adult temper tantrum. If this sleep deprivation is going to continue I'd rather hit the loopy stage already. Irrational rage is not my favorite.

2. Pin out. Water proof removable cast for three more weeks. He loves it.

Poor kiddo was so unnerved by the pin removal.

3. Invited myself over to a friend's house today. Not typically my style but this kid was so excited about swimming. Thankful for friends I can impose on who will even feed us dinner. Don't think I would have survived a trip to the local pool with two of mine exhausted themselves. One which fell asleep before 8 which is unheard of. I guess even half pint never sleeps run out of gas too.

4. Hormonal today. Lack of sleep and hormones being whack is a hard combination. Feeling slightly lost today out of the blue. I don't often feel lonely but today felt heavy at times and the hollow spaces were indeed filled with loneliness. I think the hole I'm really feeling is grief. 

5. Entered a wormhole in realizing grief and I'm hoping this can bring some relief to my girl. 

The MTHFR gene is so correctly labeled. What if a simple supplement helps the two that has my heart twisted up in knots right now. I have some already or at least one I can start with that I've been using. It's been helping some of my own post baby crazy and aches and pains. 

The funny thing tonight is that I'm also grieving not having family. I've been jealous of people lately who have family that help. Dads who help with projects. Moms who watch grand kids and encourage. Tonight I feel the sweetness of the Lord wrapping me up in His arms and reminding me that He's got me. I know He's got my kids even as I stumble along painfully at times. But I forget that I'm His kid too and He's got me as well. 

6. And I'm still completely torn up about those dying of famine and genocide. I'm so stuck in my bubble. Praying for what we can do. Even the smallest of things can do something. 

D


Sent from my iPhone


Sent from my iPhone

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